the book is huge!, mostly pictures, so i can understand it...
the people live in mud-domes.
some of th customs are so jewish it makes me wonder...
library 967.627 card#79-19232 isbn 0-8109-1303-8 1980 harry n. abrams, inc. printed and bound in japan photos by carol beckwith text by tepilit ole saitoti
I dunno. Let's find out... (switchn to overdrive) -click-
Rollin'... in my 5.0, With my rag top down so my hair can blow, The voltage is on standby, costs of icin' too high, (Did you stop?) No, I just froze, by Freon - pursuin' temp'rature drop, Compressor's dead, yo, so I made a move, George J. Ranque, Hilsch-Ranque vortex in a tube!
Peltier's hot, like electrical bikinis, And I got no voltage from the Lamborghinis, Warmin' - cause I'm out thawin' mine, Got my compressor gauge, readin' PSI "9" Vaccuum - for the mods on the wall, Mods are actin' ill because they had their 8 LOLs Hissin' - through the compressor shell, I clamped the hose, but it was shot to hell, Ozone'z - burnin' up like real fast, Registration link at time-mag suckin' goat ass Readin' the Wiki, the 'pedia's packed, Thermodynamics 'bout how the fridge is jacked.
Third law on the scene - you know what I mean, A million RPM? Efficiency unseen, If it's a solution, this don't solve it Pump out the heat while the Hilsch-Ranque revolves it
got issues?where is you water-supply?who controls it?� whats in it?ok, lets change the subject.maybe we can chat. are you tribal ?
whats your part in the group. ?are you going to let friends hang. ?the power went out again,if there is no water, would they still be you friends? would they act like friends?
do you choose to wait until this happens?
or be ready when it does.it takes only one.to move many.we dont want to bore you, just control you.
so what do you want to talk about.? if they got your water,
you got no say.
�come now,did you really have somthing 'more'important to do today?i'd like to hear about it.for real.
My briars are dying and their bellies are bloated with "water".
When debauchery needs a monkey wrench i want to be the one who throws it. When They are the only ones left inside the "mainstream" circle....We in the outside must move to widen the stage not shrink it.
"whispy fingers of THE acid settling into my mind..." --sounds rather fucheristic --rather Orwellian --Case Study: Is It "pushing" toward soi-lent-green? no vat i meen? The Norwegians and their neighbors do not seem to mind. Who needs food anymore when centrum has lycopene. --Case Study: The induceing mechanics of major commercial advertising companies/laboratories(plural-plural-plural) worldwide have been lurking around your heart around the clock. They want you monetarily and not momentarily. They want to induce you into luving them and needing them so that the head no longer need think and the heart may feel the "pure joy" of the induction. Simply, they want your money and they are not willing to be "nice" about it anymore;A1X2I3U4m UM, they have and have developed "DCode" belonging to my internal processor. A databased-Whorehouse of consumeristic tendancies. geared to target demographically and statistically correct Target Marketeers, and of course non-Target shoppers and even the sweetest of all Mouseketeers... Cum on...Song It with me now...-- PBS121906 (also a commercialsubsidiary)
Fear not, CONSUME WITH INTENTION only! ALL else need not feel applicable...
Mount Victory over the Virgin Isles: Fits Right In (pls accept this in submission - ref. Clash of the Tit-ans) Tied to a rock-face near the terrifying open ocean, while I wait in horror for the Big Ruff Hairy Masculine Sea-Cyclops to rise and make me soaking wet with salt and fear. If I scream out and ruin the climax he'll eat me for sure. Maybe that's all I want right now, Just get it over with. Devour me you big hairy one-eyed monster. WAIT! Wait, maybe not yet. Let me suffer and drip hot in anticipation and struggle for a moment more. Oh Gods, I can't stop myself. That fast, hard, wind on my naked body, the waves crashing into my thighs, the people staring at me while I shake and bang my body parts around trying to hold back from screaming and dieing. Ohhh good, here he cums again. Maybe this time I will finally succumb and faint into the churn of fantasy-fiction. -- (more to come if you say yes I can-i could make some serious work of this, believe you me.)
grama108.txt - - - - v1-16-08, 6am. letter to the Ret-maiden...
Dear Maiden,
How Are You!...? ..i just.. felt..
i needed.. to write..
you... ?...again.
-
umm...
-
the skys are...
beautiful today and....
(sob).
(choke)...god..
-
this is so... 'hard' for me to TpYE...
...um...
-
...o..k.
um...let me take a deep breath...
fffff....
-
...o..k.(i can do this)
um...i rely dont know you and you rely dont know me(i hope) but i do got your profile-picture and im so glad and i dont know why and it hurts and i probly will never reed anything about you cuz you know my connections and time on the computer are pretty-short, and Lame, and i can not be on longer and you probly no why...if you red all the strange stuff at galeeb
(galeeb is pa-dutch for...'loved')
-
..let me catch my breath..
fffff...lets see...
-
...i hate you... 1.cuz i want to 'do' better and 'do-not'. 2.cuz i want to type to-you and can not find.. the words.
3.cuz i do not say things you 'like' and i dont know how. 4.cuz i dont reed about you like a real-person wood. i just dont 'got-it'....and yet...
-
i-do spend-time with you...'BY' typing like this. i did-reed about you.. a little.. i coodnt help it.. it was like.. Rite there in front of me.. i coodnt help it... i was playing with your comment-box and...um
(forget it)
-umm
...i think you are not silly. ..so i feel like.. i can type this..
i know its wrong but.. the way the world is going...i just...
(wait.?..need more words...thinking...)
um..
...i just... 'want' to put all the broken pieces together...
and make somthing... for myself... and leev this world... a little
better than.. how i found it.
-
right now... 'one' of those pieces is..
-You-...
-
NOpe. i dont 'know' if that is
your profile-picture or not
but i need-it.
maybe if you had changed-it
i wood 'not' have typed all this.
-
but somthing about it 'Stuck'...
so i am bak here again.
-
fffff.. i want to spend a little-more time with you (in my mind)
by typing and typing... to-you
all my non-senses...
'dumping' it on you.. (like you deserve this?)
i just need a 'VENT' for my
'feelings?' (thats the wrong word)
fffff..
...i hate you...
5.cuz: you are not-good to be-with, you know?, junk-in, junk-out: you hang-out with crazy people... so you 'turn out' crapy yourself...
i dont think cutters know-what they are doing... they fill-themselves with ugly musick till they enjoy-it. ..and then 'wonder' why they want to hurt-themselves more,
i also think maybe they got 'friends' (medical experts) pumping them with drugs (for the money), and you know 'that-is' a problem..
-
there is just 'too-many' cutters for this to be a 'natural' problem...
and you got to many 'experts' trying to make money...
experts get promised the 'big-bucks' when they are kids in hi-school. ..and this is what it drove them to...
probly got hooked themselves and 'need' the money..and...um
-
your are probly not better-off...and not far be-hind me...
we all do this: he-is-better than-she, she-is better than he... we get picky who we talk to.. type to... - treating people like they can-not improve-themselves?, somehow... we end up becoming-sim2 the people we spend the most time with... good or bad...
-(end of my complaint)
- - Now: i want to Take you somewherz.
come maiden...
-
you can hold my hand if you want, 'Stop' mumbling... words wont help... zzzzzp!
(next place)
-
well..? um.. Here we are:
see that?
i always wanted to take you here...
and NOW is my chance... creeeekk...
walk this way...
-(splat!.)
...yuk..
.what was that..?
-
wait a minute... .i gota close this thing..
kkeeeerc-slambp!... oooh..we just entered a horrible place... this is very popular...
everybody is dying to get in here... its the old-cemetary...
i picked a dark and spooky morning.. to bring you here..cuz its wet and... all the leaves are gone ...and it is just...more interesting...
-
dont..dont..look over There yet.. i want to take you to the older-sites first.
(burp)
....god this place gives me the creeps...
-let me show you to your tombs...
umm...
-
there!...you see that?...
Isaac Zook 1830 - 1901...
look. look. at the one beside it...umm..
Mary Zook 1840 - 192?... (.cant read it all.)
see what it says under-neath?... .i can still? reed it... it says..
::::He Loved Her... and She Loved Books...::::
-
uuuh... you know?
i think people were actualy 'thinking' back then. or maybe that was sposed to be funny...
but back then... it was probly true...
-
Look over Here! ...this must be Real-old.. the carvings are different, nothing is fancy...
its probly the first people to come here... they didnt have anything to give... but themselves,
but see? how-important they were for the others who came-later and had a better life... cuz of these-ones who came first.
-
you know what maiden...
-
-
you need to be 'the-first'...
i meen... first for alot of things... so others can step over...
oR find people that are.. stepping in the right way...
so others can go too.
that is good. not? -
let me show you what i meen... walk over Here...
-
(burp) man this place is muddy... .dosnt anyone care?
-
um...here it is... Look:
Samuel Stoltzfus 1808 - 1846
and umm...
look at the words...
::::Father, Husband, Friend::::
-
um...there is more stones over here... some with words, some without... anything.
-
i probly will not 'Have' words on Mine... nobody teeched me how to do any-thing...
and..if you look at what people are doing today... i am kinda glad they 'did-not' teech me. you can write on them this:
::::wasters,polluters,destroyers,addicts::::
if its not written on their faces, it is on their lives.
-
but i 'do-got' some-good peesez!..to hold on to... litle bits of historic examples, etc.. of things i-can still-put together myself... its not much.. but it will be beautifull... nobody will write about it on my stone..
(if i even get a stone) but i 'can' write it on my life...each day.. a few more strokes... here a little, there a little,
-
one layer on top of the next... i can write it on people and hearts.... ...like im doing now..and so are you.
-
make.. less-and-less time for 'entertainment' make.. more-and-more time for real-entertainment:
the 'things' these people on these stones were doing... making a 'world' others CA-N 'copy'...
without having to wonder about 'gas-prices'. in fact..any-thing..any-age... any-time bfor-the 1921..oil-boom is fine with me...
i respect these stones for that... people were almost... ..'human'..back then... and still are... if you can avoid certain things... or find them who do...
hey? maybe GREATNESS isnt what you do...
but what you dont!...?
-
you can let go of my hand now...
i think you breaking my fingers off...
-
hey maiden...
??? -
lets go back to the other side...
-
where all the 'modern' graves are...
-
i think we can..
take a short-cut threw here... ouch!..stupid thorns...you know what maiden? i think these big old trees is older than you are!...
-
(ouch!)
- -
-
wow! look at this place...
How come all these shiny new graves got flowers by them... and all the better-older examples.. got nothing but bird-poo-pys ?
-
hey... look at this one... it says...
::::Rick Jones 1959 - 1979
words:
Classic Rock and Roll - dude your the best::::
...hhhmmm
i dont get it...
is that a memorial or an advertisement?
...but this person made step-stones too.
steps that others have now...advanced but his step-stones leed to what...? ?? his songs can-not be different than what they are today:
molest your nayber, drink more beer, kick your dogs butt.
-
no.no.no 'songs' dont say that, but... they 'woo-you till.. 'you' say it yourself. and thats...
what they wanted.
- hmmm...let me guess..
what..'kind' of world will that make.. in the future...
hmmm...us? maybe?
-
....you think not? what about the musick i listen too? the friends i put up with, my life sounds-like his already,
and more copy-s of it every day. - you touch people by what you are... like a 9-to-5 robot... pre-programed for stupidness...
- -
-
wooo...
i can hear the wind starting to howl above the trees...!
umm.. lets. look around a little more and then get.. out.. of here...
-
-
what-th..
hey! look at this one...
its tilted side-ways on purpose and there is a plate of..
food on it...
offerings for the dead?...
-
i sense these people are NOT at all redy to be here
it not like the graves in the older-sites seem to be...
its like.. they dont know how to respond... and they can-not say anything nice... like...
like....
-
like me.
-
oh maiden..(sob)...
i just wanted to show you one more thing! (tears)
there is just one thing 'important' to me in this place...
and i wanted you to see it,
i will put my finger on it so you will know,
see that...
-
i rub it so you can see how short it is...
its the 'daSH' between the two dates on this stone...
(sob)
its not much... but its all I got...
just a 'DAsH' between two dates...
-
i wanted to know...maiden...umm..
what are you doing with your 'Dash' ?
are you writing every day what you 'want' to remember?
things i want to see. and do.. adding 'steps' so others can.. go too..?
-
follow an older example, ..................every day.. and not-turn from it, no... not for a moment.
my 'DasH' is almost half-gone... and im try-ing to be more care-full...
CARE: meenz time, cut-stuff OUT so... you can-care better.
no i dont step fast.. ..im NOT in a hurry... i enjoy the walks with you..and want to make peesez work for them who follow... and believe me...there is plenty of peesez, broken lives and shattered youth lay-ing EVERYWHERE...
-
i am afraid to get married cuz: why make kids if i got plenty of fatherless kids on the streets already...? xbox360 can hardly be called a 'parent' but what are they loosing?...time..
-
Lets get out of this Place...(sob)
-
... creeeekk...
-
yuk..
dont.dont.walk on that... i didnt see it. i think i stepped in it.
-
kkeeeerc-slam!...
-
well um....
lets go back to your place...
(click-click) zzzzp!
-
well? what did you think? it-is better here, not?.... i like computers... i like tapping on the key-board... but i can not...um...(never mind)
-
maiden...
-
something about...
'the-Here-After'
-
i dont know what the 'other-side' of
Forever-more looks like...but
you know what...
-
im going to write the Best story you EVER herd,
somthing simple... so others can step over, because of me...
it will not be good or Legal, but it will be what Son-god wanted for me, and that is way BETTER... than good.
but then..there is ALOT of good-things you can do, to keep-yourself...busy.
-umm..
last year my diary was mostly... the-weather outside.. and i needed that. cuz this year...
i will go camping again..and reeely will press myself..cuz i know-now when Storms are coming or Heat-waves...
i predicted snow last year to the very day.
its called c-zns1-08.txt.. i will post it soon... i hope..
- -
but this year I devote to: the little boy left alone on-the-playground... with no one to play with but abusive friends and.. strange-drinks and candys.
its a war out there ...poisons,drugs,adds.. friendly-fire all the time.
-
I de-vote the year to him, to Vengence, to kids left with nothing to do, with no Tribe to build, no place to grow, no way to see the work of their own hands...
Love is a Place... Love is a Choice... (and other stuff they say it is...)
kids need somthing that will make them... completly in-tune with the weather, Earth, and plants around them...
what creature is not?... except us...
-
but when i real-ized...
that the 'kid'..
was me...
-
i just...
..
(sob)
i just coodnt do it...
its different when your doing somthing for someone else, and not for yourself...
it feels different... like when i type this...
-
so im going to do it for you...maiden.. (sob) im going to take your profile-picture with me... and im going to do it for you.
-
-
-
and why not?... this stuff wood never type out.. if it wasnt for you.. do you think its easy to find somthing that 'stuck'
...look how long this message is! all cuz i found a face i can fall on...
it gave me a 'Vent' (and yes i better close it) an 'ex-cuse' to try. ..and put 'feelings' into 'words' and shape a vision and use it for scar-ing step-stones for the future.
-
not very good 'words', but atleast i got it out of my system.
- -
wait...i guess everybody does that to everybody... bringing out their best, and their worst...(burp)
....strange that people are that way... i meen, why cant i just follow a history? old examples...plenty of how-to. and it worked!
and its safe-r than doing whatever 'looks' good today...but... i need a 'living' example to... and i wont find them
... so...im looking you over.
-
i am 'Happy' (wrong word) that i found you maiden...
i know you did-not meen too... you know mistakes happen...
-
i like mistakes...i hope i make a few this year... on purpose.
i must... and then go and plant more...
-
you know what maiden...
the other-side of 4EvrMore is a loooong-time.. i wonder..how much..of 'this-side' makes it to..the..
'other-side'
???
when my heart stops... i will know... and i hope... in the endless years..you and me will... still be friends... someway...somehow...
-
so... who 'needs' a tomb-stone?
umm...
...the people who follow you do. people with questions..like me... people who need cemetaries... to see things more clearly... not more moving-lies...(movies)
thanks for going with me maiden...
-
(burp)
talk is cheep...
and i paint with words to hide the weakest heart...(mine)
-
wait... health and skin and air-to-breeth is a nice 'gift' too...
but the real treasure... is 'TIME'
it is sooo valuable...worship it?...
-
maybe you can see threw-me to all my weakness maiden, and past all my cheep words...
but you 'can not' explain the most valuable thing of all..
when i sit down and type all this, to you.
(sheer-and expensive-insanity)-
giving you.. the...best of my...
::::'TimE'::::
and...
cuz its not mine... i spend it very...
very-care-fully...(wrong word again)
-
i dont got enuff of it 'time' to go-look-for another maiden ...you were just... there...and i got what i needed.
..somthing to hold on to... and umm...i dont know what will happen... i may come back with qwit-a-tale.. and treasures and..he-he..
MORE-maiden'S!
-
But i have a 'feeling'...
... peoples h-earts..
can-not be changed easy-ly,
it takes a moonth to break a bad habit. or a good habit.
we all get 'talked' and pushed into doing things that are...modern? and the results (as you can see) turn out ...pollution ( heap of garbage)
and they 'like' what they are doing... so pleez..talk-me into doing it the 'old' way... methods that be time-tested, and True.
-
...but what if.. i meen..
what-if I come back Empty... or not at all... and?.. so what!...
i 'wanted' a good story... so..i just go-out there, and make one, every-day for as long as i got breath going in and out of me...
-
But... if my little-heart stops-beating
(pump.pump. splat!)
Maybe.. one of my steps falls on me...
Or..i get beaten-up living for a TRibe...
Or..seduced by an offer' or a new time-waste-r
-
whatever happens... um...
i wait for you on the other side...
and dont be in a Hurry... cuz alot of little peesez, down here..need you.
(i am proof)
-
you know what? i got a.. 'Mosaic-Stepping-Stone-Kit' for xmas... it meens alot to me (reeely alot...)
you take the broken-pieces of people... all the good-for-nothings...
(but keep like-minded persons with you)
and then you Mooosh-them into the soft cement of gods words (the Bible) and give it time to 'set'
making a beuti-ful..Pattern.. for others to step-on...
step-stones help people get to places.. places you only cood dream-of cuz
there was-no steps-to-it... till you got here... till i found you.
-
-
-
first step: i must go-over those five things i-hate-you for.. and try changing one... try to say, um... somthing you like.
whu? i 'think' i did!... ?
but.. i WANT to write words you-like, not with words eye-like.
if 'you-want'... i can get to the point:
-
-
::::I..WuV..
You
..Maiden::::
-
-
fffff...
-
um...thats the 'Old' way.. tried and true, no pollution too.
but you can E-rase this next part...
-
..actually... you shood Erase ALL this message... it is all very Evil, and i am just.. made of dirt and clay..
and eye will mess-myself up over you till it hurts... cuz i need it... i need somthing i can take with meee...
fffff... o god.. i hate this..
i shoodnot tell you this. ..cuz its... its not..somthing you shood know..
but.. i can... so
-
umm.. ...o.k...
fffff... i will tell you.. now...uuuh.mmmh
maiden... your name...
i meen i call you Maiden cuz it meenz to me:
it meenz:...
......Grand-Hi-Mistress...
...(.buRp.)
-
but i guess you knew that...
... cuz i lost my Fantasy-girl...
i think she cut-herself to death...
-
what? i lost a 'bad' example?
thats not the point... she 'touched' my Ear
somthing she said..Sank into me..
no one ever did that... and i used-her to get to 'Now.'
else i wood not even.. try..
-
thats right..
i-am-using-you...
-
its cold .
i know.
but i do it
to Survive...
-
see? I TOLd you!...
i-am horrible. just a few broken..pieces of whatever is left, and i cant help you cuz i... ..i meen im...
im just no good.
-
i use pieces to get-what-i-want...
every bit i can...
just to get bak to the old ways..
why? cuz They didnt 'have' these problems... we got...
why do we want them now?
thats why i do not Reed your blog-site... but i w-ill reeed it - if thats what you wanted...
cuz i dont understand girl-teers..
Teer-drops are good... if they Leev somthing better... to walk on...
better,simpler, steps...
-
anyway... You-are 'HER'..now.. the girl in my dreams...
and you dont MIX Fantasy girls with Real Ones...! (-the real-ones got dis-eases)
One will always Destroy the Other...
-
always.
- (when ever she pleases.)
...but i 'cant' do that
woooo! no..
not me... i told you im weak-hearted.
(Look at the divorce-rate)
i want to put people-and-places together...
not make 'more' broken-peesez...
-
more problems....
or break the survivors into smaller-peesez... to get more money...
till there is no-one and no-thing left!
that... is were i am...
thats whats happening..
-
i cant ask more... cuz i cant give more.. and they cant e-ther.
none of us got a-way to love! we just stand around waiting for the end.
Robbing each-other with words to see who will hurt more..
i cant stand it... stuck with people who forgot how to live..
no wonder kids dip themselves into deep-dark deeds, no one cares...
-
(burop!)
so i am take-ing your profile picture... and i am going... again...
and again... and over till i get it right.
oR Find a better-way..(that can happen)
-
note: it is historicly-true that the man tends to take somthing of the woman with him ...it is Not a new custom.
and if i fail... guess what!... winners dont always win... the-winners are winners cuz.. they tried.
-(burp)
-
-
:::: I..Love..You..Maiden ::::
i will write these simple words on a stone and take it with me.
i dont think anyone wood guess... what it relly meenz...
-
-..umm...i am excited and can-not see with my eyes...
'Love' is different... it makes me see... what people with eYes can-not see...
even if i do-not know... what woll happen.
- umm..
fffff...
-
um...
you can Erase this now.
-
..yes. i know.. i skim books too... some people die for their god-ess...
-
i can-not do that..
i-wood get in 'BIG' trouble for letting you be my god.
-
no.. Maiden...
let the planets go around the 'Son'...
all else will then fall-into place orbit and spin..
-
so your-daily-spin
will breeth-life
into all
that find you.
-
fffff....
-
-no end-
-
-
-
- P. S.
- I hope you are-Not
Angry at me for typing like-this..
-
some people reely-do 'see-you' for
what you Can-Be...not what you ARE.
-
but you say: 'thats not helpfull...'
oh?... i got all-History on
'My-Side'... when i Loook at you...
its like.. see-ing: all of 'Them'
all at one-time..and...
i probly am...your the part of 'HER'
that made it 'threw' time..
-
and...
i got 'fine' details-they have left..
how they lived,
how they acted..
how they loved...(kissed)
i got examples...
but All You-got is...
'Today'...
-
you can call people today an... 'Example' if you want...
but if you look it up... i think.. 'Disaster' wood be a better word.
they are like... stones i wood not want Me nor any kids to step on,
-
asking the next-gen to 'live' like Today wood be cruel.. and.. impossible to do... and it is.. people al-redy are doing evil-things to 'keep-up' with whatever 'up'is...
a new-one-world order... the results will be fantastic! man-kinds biggist Boo-Boo.. i alredy got the 20th century to prove it.
it.. is
a 'stepping-stone' to what will happen
-NEXT-
-
(burp)
um... you know?
everybody can type like this... if you give them time...
and that is what i will do.. give them a bad-time...
its not hard, i wont live, but it will be funn!
-
do you think its to hard?
we just had a Black-Out... no power...
Everybody in town... was 'forced' to Live Amish for Three whole Days!
they had to turn the power back on before people started liking it.
-
do you see? the truth is easy. the answers are simple. nature takes the correct path... and people hate it..
you dont have to fill-out anything NoR stand in long-lines to get it..
you just breeth it...
and i wuv You...
(.galeeb.)
cross-my-Heart and...
(...)
Hope-ipleezd-You.
-
-
-(new document)
2 days later:
fffff.....
som-thing is wrong.
fffff...
what is this...?
i reeched for -blip- cuz i knew it had lots of -blip- in it...
i wanted to fill myself with...
-blip-
-
-
...but..
i cood-not open it...
-
-
i kept thinking about Maiden.. . and i just reely.. . i did-not.. want some... . Other... girl-s
..BlocK-ing... . my thoughts of her... .. and so...i slowly... put-the-blip-... ..
-
down..
-
???
wooo.
-
that..
never hapnd b4...
-
i looked at this little white stone... on my neck...
(.do-not wer stuff a-round your neck.)
-
it is.. ruff.. jaged.. quartz rock, very ice-milky looking.
-
it has a smoo-th side... presst-to-me. with 4or words on it...
-
- and now.. ...i am thinking...
-
Maybe...
-
girls Can-be useful...
-IF-... used right..
-
.i cant 'proove' .it yet...
...but she just saved Me..
Two-hours of Time-Waste-ed on.. . -blip- .
-
- My step-stones for others
will now be...very
different.
-
all that -time- safe.
from be-ing..... waste-ed on -blip-
-
and i keep record:
November: total time wasted on -blip- 8-days
December: total time wasted on -blip- 13-days
January: total time wasted on -blip- no-days
(except for Maiden)
-
and remember...2-hours a day adds-up to...
1-7th of your life.
that meens if you are 21: 3-years of it was -blip- and is missing...
from the stone.
hmmm... what coood be lost.. in just three yeers?
3-more-Tribes...
-
things add-up...Maiden
iN-fect me. change me... 2what i shall be...
-
-no end-
-
more? short-cuts...?
anyone?
-
pause. pause.
think think.
-
yes... i do...
Son-god 'built' one woman for... one man.
this kind-of... points... to... Amish-style living...
to make the best? step-stones. for people to be on.
for any... survivors who may find them.
-
but cuz things are so bad... i wood try...
the Massai Tribe in Africa... they also... are showing...
resistance to change... one of few-cultures who do.
and lived to tell it.
-
but the prophecy says...
EveryOne(net) will worship the Beast.
-
people buying stuff.. by-cell-phone...
and it wont-be hanging on their h-Ear.
it will be im-planted...injected? in2 your fore-head.
the technology... is here.
-
how can you worship only one Son-god?
they will starve you?
- .. iknow they will. -
but listen to this... (ssnif)
He 'MAde' - Heavens,
- Earth,
- the Sea.
..and all that swims in it...
-
How...
Can i turn-On... Some-One like-that..?
He-knows how to 'make' seeds for Maiden.
so she can take-care of her-own...
i see many wild-birds still-flying to
proove it.
-
thats why i keep-Her neaR my h-Ear-T...
so i can take-care...
of .'TimE'.
-
leeve... a better step-stone..
-
and...
one very good step.
-
-
end.
(next document)
Day Three: this is my-chance to open myself to a girl...
iam glad i saw it... it.took2.days.but... now i get-it... that-is what iam doing... ...that-is what iwant.
- i got no access... so i got no feelings. why water it if it.. wont grow? - access opens... so i float like a carrot.. hoping to get chewed-on... and not even trying.. cuz nothing was ever open...before.
no access meens no mind-of-you.
-
if access opens... feelings flow
- and if i hit somthing that stuck! wow..wee! feelings just gush-out. and maybe...
i can put some of it.. into words...
- why 'words' on everything? to box-it? so we can forget it?
why words? i dont even know your name... i guess you dont 'need' a label.. i have 'given-you' many names... but they do not have words. except...'may-den'
i dont know if you are married, i dont know if you are hurting, i dont know if you are hurtful. but this is my fantasy..so...
why words? did you know:
nothing around you, in you, noR in this world...is English! sur-prised? ...and.. fooled.
so... this is hard...for me... to -put- into words..
-
its never bin done before..
-
i know cuz none of my.. feelings got words yet....
they come strong now... like 3 days strong
so im like...wow...what do i say? i cant hardly catch it... if i shut-it-off (no more posting) the feelings stop...
so...stop!...? but its to late now.. anyway... this is my one-chance to play-a-fool.. so.. here it goes:
best as i can word it...
and pleez Re-word it if you got a better way..
-
wow...this is so...
intimate...(.wrong-word.?.)
-
...mmh.
my diary of 'time-wasted' says... that: i wood do anything... for my fantasy-girls.
so...
I just connect -you- to them...and them to.. camping...Re-Tribing....and..
Yikes!
what a toxic-mix! to put on a boy...
-
it sounds... un-controlably delightful.. but what about: my step-stones..? are they better or worse.. when play-time is over.
- ::::desparate crying for words:::: begins here:
the first 'word' out was:...Mai?den
but the hurt went deeper:
these are the.... feelings (wrong word)
that were FeLT.. from 'touching'.. your profile-picture:
..and listening to a mans In-sides... slowly Twisting.. and wondering... and hurting.. over beautiful things.
-
feelings put into words (so far): Misstress, the-servant?, the-Lion, the-son-god, the-brother, the-boy, the-father, the-Ret-man...all yours..
i was going to put this in a stoRy-FoRm but i cant cuz it gets in-tense... it had sensitive details..about boys..
or atleast..'this one'....and i dont pleez-peeps...so..
i will just list them... ...maybe po-eticly ...if i can.
and so..
here it begins:
A Tale: of feelings flooding my Heart. written pure-ly by a crush? (someone help me with that word) On a girl: - ::(...):: - Greetings be to the New-ly ex-Altered Queen.
Thy Servant:
- layz-all... at your feet. - prays that your-Reign be.. powerful... and merciful.
- wishes to be: found complete... in pre-sent-ing the Realm.. to your Rule...
- asks you: be forgiving..to faults.. and be delighted by Joys..and gifts that this hand can yet give.
- Long be your kindness. Long be your affection. Long Live the Queen!
....
pre-sentation:
- GIFTS -
the Montain-Lion: is from the Enchant-ment Hills I trust it brings a Fierce and Noble Aire to your courts and desires...
He is great-pawed and moves like a Leapord... I bring this Magestic Beast to your attention...
- a Male that will fall upon you quickly... is He..
he is...and represents..all the Fierce sensual-passions a male can have for you... and i have mis-judged him...many times. (..and ding-dong if i dont do it again.! )
i cant believe this 'BIG' thing 'Hides' in such small sons... the eYes of this cat do-not seem to miss any-movment in your court.
i advise you keep him on Ch-a-in... and feed him nothing... cuz his eYes de-vour you...Enuff.
he represents to me: 'ALL'-things a man does in his mind,emotion, and body when given to sexual-activity..
(note:mine is at... re-chat...femn1206.txt)
how wood a woman say it? if not a Lion?...what? how wood you re-word the feelings of 'teen-Ager Hormones' (detail me on that)
-
-bUrrp!:...the-Lion wants you to knoe: He thinks you are a 'silly-goose'... and you got a 'neck' like one...
...!..grrrhl. grrhl.
...-but He just moves around like that... .grrrhL..grrrrrhL... ...grrrhL..grrrrrhL...
cuz...He wants to be kissing.ON.your necK.
-
I wood-not Trust His Big-Ruff-Balls near me at all...
..
...A Lion? with a pet Goose..? I dont think so. . I wood-knot be-leeve-it... even if I-SEEN- it.
- -
and now Mistress... i turn your attention to the next 'feelings'... i have found in this heart:
i call it.. 'the-brother': he isnt.. much to look at... in fact.. i found- him in the same heart as the Lion... so... its amazing that he still lives... you wood never know it... but i guess... when the Honey-Moon is Over... he comes out more often.
he looks just like you... (for some reason)
and he wants you to know: you are... the pure-est..and true-est... Sister he cood ever have..
he represents to me: everything a brother shood be... and rare-ly is... so let him.. love you...his-way..
-
not long after this i found a child, in the same H-Eart... and difficult to notice... cuz he was behind the-Lion..
and he wants you to know: he thinks you are a Goose-Brain, and wants you to stop... 'mothering' him all the time.
he represents to me: the feelings a man has for things not woman-related... (see mine:galeeb.blogspot.com)
but the boy needs help.. 4the-Lion gets into the way.. till he is neg-lected.
-
the next treasure in His heart... is somthing i know little about... yet iT is ::Here::...the-Father
he rep-resents: 'the spirit-of-adoption': foster-homes, orphanges. camps and ,school.
i sense him..He -is- the-Father: and he wants you to know: you are the Best thing mankind ever brought him, and reminds you that you now have the power to make...or destroy..the rest of us. by-your lite-est-actions. the things you 'think' and say. the un-noticed deeds.
-
- All these things come-out in-the-Night..
they swell up Pain-fully.. When i Lift your picture to me...
- so i Write down what i see...
As it flows...out from the heart down around you..and for you...
- flowing... from a heart over-welmed 4u and 4having..u
- letting your 'femn-light' press in-to his heart like heat-waves..
Your Beauty Twising It... as it swings in the Mirrir.. - Like a Horrible Fool who see's his own face reflecting in the water for the first time..
He can see strange features, Lumps, dirt-marks, dis-figures, and creatures of his own heart..
- if i have failed to represent.. any more feelings, than..'detail me on that'
- hey?, it may be... things i cannot-find... cuz only a woman gots it...like brains. (detail me on that!)
-
::interuption notice::
.oh god...(choke) I weep cuz i know some of these words are...'Male'.. - Only a girl can 'Write' what a GIRL...can Love...(especialy about the-Lion) I Feel so helpless... -choked- cuz girls can do it better. ... i shood have just stayd with.. my own fantasys..and not try to be yours.
i can only type..what a BOY-likes...why?
unless you teach me how.
- Trying to pleez you must be... the stupidist thing you ever saw... if a boy wrote-like this to me... id... ...id erase it!... so what am i doing?
Let me just Croak! my-best for you.. and tell you how beautiful i think you are... and then when all this is Over..
you can just step on the poor frog. and end all his Misery.. (sob) im just.. totaly stunned at how a boy cannot talk 'girl'
i never saw this b4.
but..at-leest...it-is-me... streeming 'itself' to her... tho she understands it not. and i want to always-remember.. even in the woods... that i did that... to a girl. - ::end of interuption notice:: -
message to the Queen continues...
And..Now... I have showd-all...Your Majesty, my godess, my fantasy-girl...
i have reeched the-bottom of my heart...
and every thing is now laid at your feet..and my face also is pressed to the floor you rest on,,,
Pleeeeez...Thy Servant hath one. and only one request..
i give you.. the whole Heart.
yet none of it.. is worthy of what I am about to ask.
yet i ask it but one time..
galeeb Grand-Hi-Misstress Ret-mother...
by your permission only, and at the Risk of.. loosing-iT... loosing-Balls... loosing-everything..
i do-dare ask you... to let down your Hair: Tell me your Heart... as i have..so desp-Ratly... try-eed to tell you..
-MINE-
-
are such feelings in a woman too?... is it true?
what pleezes THEM? what pleezes you?
answer: ????
-
- end of petition. -
other problems: yes.yes.yes English is run-over. and mis-used til has-no-meening.
but sure-ly you can type-it the way.. you-like-it:
feelings to be written.
- what happens ? i meen...inside... when a guy sweeps you off your feet?
::::my desparate crying for words.. ends here::::
wooo..! im glad i got -that- out of my system... that was totaly embarrasing... you must be totaly-turned-off by now..
but i was using-you to search my heart... i think every guy shood... get a chance to do that... sometimes one comes and..Wham!..your'STUCK!' -
i wanted-to know what a man is thinking... ..
some parts i knew... .. but when i type-to-you... 'ALL' the parts comes out..
do you have someone... who does that to you...?
- strange... i suddenly remember
moonths...ago..
an Amish girl...asking me to write-out.. what i was thinking...
i took heR paper with me. but i didnt take her seriously.. (sob) i was thinking it was a trick...
-
but now....
i am the one...
asking the same thing from a girl that delights-me... to pieces..
.. i hope.. i 'Am someone who can do that... too.. to your pieces..
-
if i missd somthing... pleez let me know... i honestly did not find anything else in-side me...no other love...
except the son-god, he represents to me: the one...by whom...our Maker...'Makes' everyting... - and he wants you to knoe: www.wmpress.org www.chick.com www.goodnewstracts.org - i keep him at the 'center'. he takes away all my faults and helps me use each heart-part the way it shood be,
so nothing is Ripd..oR..Torn. mis-used or un-used.
These are all 'parts' of my heart... so when someone says:
::::you broke my Heart::::
...god..i hope that dont meen the queen destroyed 'Everything' inside him... everything..?
maybe i gave my heart to the wrong QUeen?....an Enemy!
ooops!
to-late now....
thats why i keep son-god at center... ask-him where things go...
without him...somthing else becomes -center-
I want you to be Queen.. but not 'Center!' what are you trying to do to me?
make son-god..the center.
-
if..these.. 'parts' of my heart... are inside..
is there more?
can others bring parts out? i meen...
-You- sure did...
-
what if... there is more?
i 'think' you got it all. ALL the 'parts.' a man has....
rite-into his roots. ... the rest is just fine-r details... how many 'details'? ? all i know about the-Lion is at femn1207.txt
but im sure.. a woman wood know more. maybe change some parts i got wrong.
-
you may know 'alot' about the-Lion, but i know alot about the-boy,
thats why i stay with him...
i was just...curie-us.. about her.. the-Queen.
what is she like? inside her.
... i am curie-us..
.is that wrong...? .. televison breaks heart-parts. but internet will ree-ly destroy you. .. i feel sorry for-you maiden... you have internet all the time... you can-not control it..
you cant.
i can feeeeel it.
in one of my feelings.
....probly the-Lion one. ... it-will destroy you like it has bin choking me... all i can do is run-away... cuz i cant control it either...
and yet 'iwant' to keep talking to you..
if i-saw any more pictures.. of you i wood totaly loose..control.
you do-not-know what pictures 'do' to boys! probly the same that novels do to girls.
(detail me on that)
- are boy- 'Lions' moRe-Active.. than girl-lions.. when they get older?..age:40 (detail me on that)
they seem to run-opposite..
-
part of galeeb.blogspot.com says:
this is for those whos... 'place' is not to use computers.. or can-not... -
well...
thats 'me' now....
its not my 'place'.... to use them much. at all..
just enuff to 'post and get out.'
i thank-son-god for letting me have it long enuff to open-myself to you...
- i can look-at wemen in their-eyes now.
..im not scared nor shy...cuz i understand what these-feelings are inside of me... and which ones to listen to...
cuz they got names now.. my love for you forced them out onto paper(screen) were i cood 'SEE' them...
i can honestly say..yees 'i know the feeling'
cuz i totaly un-did myself to you... pressing-my-heart-out at your feet... and recording what came up...
-?
mmmh? phh.! bhaw.-haw-haw... ohh god!.. hehehe... i am so glad i-am-Not a 'girl'... cuz you must think by now boys must be..
ab-sol-luet-ly-looony
if 'THIS' is what they do... every time you walk by them... and all this is in their Heart.
-
but i cant doubt it..
just-a few can hurt-me.. that-way... till i am 'stuck'on them...
maybe it depends...
on what heart-part is stronger.
i have never-seen anything stronger in a man... than the-lion and the-boy... but thats just me....
i wood guess others are stronger in the-father... and the son-god and so they get un-done by girls differently..
i doubt it... i never asked.
is that why i need a Mistress in my heart...? so girls canot 'un-done' Me when they want?
What if... what if girls 'un-do'Me even more!
becuz-of a Mistress (a girl) controling my heart...?
(Detail-me on that): is it easier or Harder to resist girls? when a Mistress Runs and controls things...
- wait-till you 'find' Tribes that dont-divorce... and There you can enjoy this without 'breaking' somthing.
-
Also: i can look boys in the eye now too. cuz i understand com-plet-ly what they are struggling with.. inside.
-
-
(.next message:)
well.?..lets see.. i did 'nothing'
but talk about my-self.. this whole-time...(so-embarrassed) cuz He is me.. and 'He' - -WANTED- to 'come out' and play.. for-the-first-time.? -
you must be dis-gusted.. so... i qwit.
you have the rite to ask what you want now... if i dont fly out of your hands and get away first.
i have gushed-myself over you and your profile-picture all week... and i do... very-very-much-want-Want!...
to pay you bak by doing or saying somthing that makes you 'stay' at the edge of peeking-orgasm all week too.
-
but dont be brutal...
remember..
i have step-stones to shape...
-
some people talk about touchy-feely-stuff non-stop bla.bla.bla. all day... i just walk away from it...
but not this time... this time is for you..
- and i will-not pick-up books like:
'what a woman wants, what a man relly wants' videos and books..mags.
-
they are just.. like..little-Traps...
trying to 'catch' My attention to hurt my-stone-work...
i wont. i always said: nope..
what-eveR Girls-Like... - Maiden will tell me... - It.. may not be what the book says, Nor what wemen like.. - But it will be her feelings, and what she likes... -
wow!
that-is asking from-her alot..
i shood Not ask you.. when...guh!.. i do not reely deserve it. (sob) but pleez... i know my fate..
i know i will get cut-off... - in the woods with no-access to anthing 'woman'
Big-lion is a BEAR: and he wont come out.
i-know-me....
-
-
but you say: god! get a girlfriend!... . a what? . you got..Zip-No... idea what i 'Face' from sun-up to sun-down.
look: no girl-person (.right-minded.)... wood run-jump threw brush and traps for water and tools. just to live another day..
i dont 'think' even the Maasai Tribe wood let their women out on such dangerous Territorial Wars... ..do they?
probly in big-cities. but not out here.... out here..it is the peace and quiet and long-walks that can kill you...its not safe.
note:.next time you plug-your-ears.. .....think of me....cuz... thats what it sounds like out here...bird-noises?..rarely.. just creeks-flowing.)
i just want to heeer from a girl...maybe one-two-ten? times... but wait?...why?
how wood she 'know' when to write... how 'wood' she write? send up smoke-signals?
-
oooh...i get it... if i dont take all of her, ...i get 'none' of her...
hmmm..that sounds fair...
i meen it...
..and..good-riddance... cuz my stones wood look aweful if...
...if...
...if...
-
-
hey...
-
thats it!
- some girl needs to do this:
go-all-over the internet looking for the-guy...
one that reeeely! sets-you-off. (the most!)
till your heart is 'Sqwaking' and 'Bitching' like mine is..
and write somthing down to him. ...
and then...
just send me a-copy of it. post it..email it. ..just..make sure i 'Get' it...
i wont Laff-at it i promise...
well...o.k. i will...
but as long as i know it is
from your heart-gushing...
i will cry too..
-
-spend- seven days writing it: you-will spend only three... so i said 'seven'
- ...no but seery-us.. i am doing somthing great... friendship -ARE- worth planning-for.. a place for them... a place where things grow berry better...every day. ..i just wish... - ..even a note.... - ..a word or two.. - so i can re-turn to my step-stone-work... with an unforget-able grin, and a strange lite in my eyes.
- note: strange-smiles run in parts of my history.. i see it in old pictures some times and i only tell you now cuz.. i remember days and moments when people ( not joking ) complained about it...
-
till next year or years.. while i...and ...when i... think of -you-
- .
-end-
..(next document)
the precious soul:
i spent four-days... wording and re-stitch-ing this entire thing... every-document.
i wanted it to be... 'my' heart.. words 'i-think.' i wanted it to be free.
but not word-ee.
with a sensitive spirit... that loves Her very much.
- i wanted it to ex-haust all my power. i wanted it...
to make-me-see what-i Am made-of.
- testing myself to..-no end-
.
. next message:
- hmm. im not happy
with how i spent this week..
it felt... 'waste-ed on girls'
valuables are missing...
-
even if i 'was' happy... i still must fall to my knees and ask son-god to blot out my faults..
so he 'can' gide me by his Spirit..
-
... i guess one-Moon is to-much for trak-ing one-giRL.. so if you are reed-ing this... 'thanks' for try-ing..
but now... ... Am-bish-un tastes 'better'. shines brighter... and feeds my-boys... un-speakable power.
the new colony lands in the new world this spring... every thing on the map. is OuRs boys!.
Lets kick=ass.
-
part of growing up... is living long-enuff... to-grow-up.
-
so help me god... so help I JAH.
-
(next document)
Day 4:
wow!...maiden... what big eyes you have!
-
(i just HAD to say that)
-
- -
You are Queen .over me now...
but I-am 'still' strong-enuff to make the Rules:
1.'NO'pictures of yourself...cuz im hurtN enuff.
2.'NO'knock-out pics... with things U-NO..make boys huRt-blind-in-love for you.
3.send somthing girlz-like... i meen reely-reely like. and then tell-me 'why' girlz go crazy about it... ...cuz if you dont i will get soooo-confused.
give me hint-hints: somthing i can say or do... to reeely..make you gush.
4.'You'can send one-pic... if-yr sure it wont 'break'me. .. pleez. let me get stronger first so i can get-away.. .. i like getting 'Cawt' by You. i like seeing what is in my h-eart. i like it when i get your-tips and details.. but i do-NOT like it when i can-not get-away, ..
- ...
cuz Your so... . . . . . beautiful. - ooops..um.. May-be just notes from-you. wood be better.
and only... if its from the heart... stuff guys need.
and no pics...
-
o my god.
-
i got it 'Maid'!...
-
- - but thats not what i reely-reely wanted...
.
.
What-I-Reely Reeely 'Wanted'....
.
was to SEE..-(feel)-...
. what its like to 'Lay' a mans heart...
.
com-pleeet-ly at your-feet.
.
at your Mercy..
. at the Risk of.. being -Cho-ked. and un-loved... . ::not accepted::. by a beautiful Maiden. . a heArt ..'stoMpd' on by-her: and rejected.
. never gushing. . never beat-ing. . never streeming. . never flowing. . never again. .
I surrender 2-you.
-
-
Four-Days of gushing my heart-out..
..and it continues to flow...
-
at your feet alone.
- -
-
I surrender it...
to.you.
-
(.next document.)
Day five:
do..more! do..more! but I cant I cant IAM shrinking.
make my heart 'throb'...
no...let it go. the boy is dying with shame, to weak.
the doors that make him ask questions.. are closing tite..
and he loves you so.
-
ooohvvv! -
what if she does not want to be loved..?
by the-Lion?
...
still... it is..
::Hers::
and 'Let' her be loved...
by the other-creatures...
that were found... in that heart..
- -
For to this Day...
in some green and secret land...
is a grassy-hill where wild-flowers grow...
and on that hill... a maiden stands..
-
where her boy poors out his soul...
-
and lets the waters flow.
-
out of his heart and soul are things boys always know...
but to bring them to the Maiden... he 'Lets... the waters
flow.
-
..All'around her on the grounds they 'Run'... flowing from her in running Rivers...as tho.. a battle had bin won.
-
She stands a queen. Her profile so HI. so proud so beautifull.
her hands spread out to welcome this One...
who at her feet is layd defeated... and who 'broke-open'... to let... the waters Run.
- -
-
-
Yeeepps!
these words have bin flowing for six days now...and i cant make it stop...
...it is the 'Smell' of... a boys-love.
-
and still... i have no -Id.EA-... what eX-c!!tes a girl.
..?..
Un-Less...'That-Is' what excites a girl...
the smell of...
a boys love for heRr..
.
. and makes Her want to crush-Him..More...
to 'Make'
the waters-flow...
-
to make his heart keep 'GUSH.ing..with questions...
-
-
:::I HOPE NOT...
if 'THIS' is what you love i wood not know... i do not and wood not... and do not want to know...
i want to 'Run' back to the wilderness...where maidens cannot teach me...to love them so.
-
i wood 'HoP' under the neerest Leaf... and hide until she Pass.
but her female-sounds 'make' creatures charmed...
Till the poor litte frog... cood take no more.. and jumped into her Path.
-
Her gate is paused and she stands still...
up at the Maid his eye-lids layd...
till crossed with love with 'looks' that kill.
poor frog was sick with love and tried to Croak..
-
wood she love him teez him.. make him choke?
Her eyes so fair Her hands so clean...
wood she pick me up to feel the little heart...
and its....beeT..ing?
-
so many questions so many stories..so much wood make a toads mind soar!...
but as frog was thinking...
.
the maiden was winking...
.
and sMeeerd with her foot... the frog to the floor.
-
--CRRRR..OOOhhhooo..Kkk!
-Splat-
-
the Maiden Left singing... her heart was still Ringing..
with things 'frogs' need not explore...
-
and to this same day...
and in Ev-er-eey-Way...
the frogs good-heart...
is still 'sliMed'
across the floor...
-
show-ing to all.!
his cross-eyed smile
still sticks all the while...
dried to the stones...
for all.ever.more.
-
.
and he loves you so.
-
- -
ho-hum! . Romantic... but not appreciated. . . ..if you love her deudamiff... . . let her know... .
..if you love her... . . let her... . .
...'go'-.
.
-
-
-end-
whu?
wait no..!
-STOP!-
.
dont let it end here!.. (sob) i still got 'LOTS'
to ask...
-
i cant help it if im... (slow) .
. yes...i 'was' going to say..SLOW i meen... i have to think first. ugh...
(panic-attack)
um.
um.um.uh.
how'bout this:
- do all your parts work? or do i have-to use presses!!
- what parts are touched first? your hair? your hands your holds?
- what.what.way do you like it.
- what stag-pictures set-you off.
- what...
(sob)
- what...
.owe...owe-kay...i..
i..give....
i..give..iN.
-
i shood just go-get 'HorNy-pictures' from the internet and just 'quit-trying'...
-
but i cant... this heart is diff-Rent... . . . -
and i 'want' to leev it all here with the maiden...
keeping-it 'diff-Rent' for -Her-...
-
::::.and.left.alone.... .for Her
.i.will.leeve-it Here. ...she will know.. what to do.with a weak heart.
-
- :::: I..Love..You..Maiden :::: -
.
. (pooof!)
.
. (.next-document.)
Day Six:
Feelings 'SOAR' cuz the moment to post this comment. Neers... . even now, new askings gush-out. . feelings of submission and compassion...
-
::SUBMISSION:: How Come in all My Fantaseez... the Male submits to the Female..?
you 'know' i can write better... if you TEACH-Me.. . . But i wood be holding your hand... like i was Blind...cuz...
when you.. let-go...i wood ..start... writing like a Male again.
-
Like i said...girls know how to do-it better....
.
Ugh!..'worthless-frog' feelings are jumping around again...
...have 'pity' on me.
-
-
::COMPASSION:: . -IF- the Queen Ree-F-U-zez to 'Let' the-Lion...loooose...
then we shall Avenge this cruel-ty.!. by loving-her-to-death with all the... 'Other' forces yet living in that HeaR-T. . ..'Press-zing' her ter-ribly with them... till passionate streems come out of Her. ...with feelings that no English-words can de-scribe!..
-
'Guh-sh-ing' each-other 'SORE' with them... till 'all-mans-words' are washed-away... taking them 'off' and free-ing our-selves.. from them forever.
-
Shore-LY-theN'...she-shall Open-Up Herself... and surrender her most sensitive-parts... to the Beast...and Let-Looose...the-chain.. from the-Lion...(..ch-chink.ch-ink...click.)
-
Let-ing hiM.... eYe-her... ...!..grrrhl.... grrhl. for the kill... ...!..grrrhl. grrhl.
-
...-but He just moves around like that... .grrrhL..grrrrrhL... ...grrrhL..grrrrrhL...
cuz...He wants-to go for a.. Hunt...
-
massive Paws and strength... now approach her... 'cautious-ly'.. .
the-HE-LIon begins... smelling and sniffing the coool air...all around her... and search-ing... . . instinct-ivly... for the goose's .necK.
-
-
the Queen is now in 'grave' danger...
- . the lion approaches.. head-low and movments-slow, and wild green-eyes.. lock-in on hers.
. all her court grows tense..
RooARRRh!!!hhh.hhh (.heavy-breething.)
The Beast 'Roars' with 'Rage' for her... Mighty forces ScREeeM for her.. having never-bin permitted to Lust, feast, NoR Feed upon....
One Womanly Figured Body... . .
. ...but Her own.
-
The Queen..in all her Beauty... and grace...falls back gently... and spreads herself innocently.. open-ing all her feeling to him...
fffff
she is now a delicate and surrendered body and he-art. and 'powerful' is Her Releeese.
fffff
-
with-held for so long... the Lion-eyes her.. as she is... and falls upon her... with a def-aning 'ThuD'...
-
.
-
in just a few un-holy moments.. showers of shooting-stars and fiery-flying butter-flys fill her majestic-courts...
-
.
-
And Every Feeling In her Kingdom...
Begins to -Shout- with all hearts...
in orgasmic unity:
''God Save the Queen''
-
''God Save the Queen''
-
''God Save the Queen''
-
:the courts echo with her praisess..
.
till the Land is full of her Peace.
.
and with...no-end..
.
-
- -
-
(.new comments:.)
- do i get the 'Pultizer Peace Prize' for drafting this for you? note:pultizer meens 'puLL me into Bed'
- do i atleeeest get the 'bad-boy..girl-thumper'Award.. for typing this all out to you?
IM so afeared of you. But you are no beast. You are heaven sent if I've ever known anything. I know you know if that is All we have to know. I have a story writing here on my station, however I do not have enough time to type it up and then proof-perfection it. This propose deserves proof and perfection/protection. I have so many answers for you. For me, because of you that cums easy. Believe me. I Will show you soon. Again I am Afeared of you. Maybe that is the nature of This Nature. For now sweet man that I have no way of confirming I will let my heart gush if only for your museum. Later I will indulge you with a planned and prepared meal to feed your inner lion and quench your thirsty soul. You want to know how I feel right now? stupid Now to get over that, because stupid does not exist here and NOW. So let me continue on with a story of a young woman who grew to care for herself at a very early age as women, i suppose are women at first menstration. But that is a male philosphy for a woman is a woman in a woman's heart when she can care for herself. I happened to be gifted. By none other than Him&HerSelf (L-detail that :-)i like that :-) Now please don't get me wrong or let me be misunderstood or fall into the trap of quote and missquote; I have doubt, I have failure, I Am human. Though i am no Son and could never be anyones' Father. I am permitted by custom and command to love with all my Will/Heart. My Will, now, that is reserved souly for God's Will. That is my Will. Kiesh? :-) Please do not worship me or lay at my feet or place me on pedistals that I cannot fall down from. So that I may not break anything for I like to think of myself as a creator not a destroyer. I need you to be creative. However loosy goosy that becomes. A-girl, A-Smart-Girls knows how to take care...of herself. ALL the parts of herself. It is a gift. Some do not accept their gifts so willingly. Some lust for desire and to have the image of a woman. God I wish I had more time to be what a Woman should be. What I was created to be. Yes, when I think on you All the parts of me become obvious. I hate that, I hate that I need you. I think alot of girlies feel that way. And bouys feel that they are not supposed to need anything. I think it is just lies that have been told to people...whispered to people...to make them sad and weakened to negative powers. Weakness in LOVE is the strongest strength a power-being can have. Some just want to question God's love and strugglle eternally with that. Some just take longer to see...that is All. So my time is ticking too and the older I get the more I think of You/of This. I'll admit. Other women/femm-fatals can try to control you...if you let them then they will. Might they be struck down so that your heart can see/feel the Truth. I will remain a lady for Now. Except, of course, in the hay-loft. And even there will I be ever faithful and devoted. Ask God. :-) The father of my child has been the one and only lover before and since the day we parted. I Will have no other, until You are mine. whatever the consequence of committing such thing cood bring. I needed/need to know your level/ability of forgiveness and trust. Those are a few of my requests to Our Father. I hope to see-them-through. Maybe this might get easier as we go along. With you in my yang the difficulties seem to fade away into beautiful simplicities. (by the way, this is so great, to chronicle. I believe it could be so helpful and educational to any tribe no-matter what demonimation) Love Can See Us Through.
One Last Thing Until We Meet Again: A Po-Em: Unknown
Little Tree House
Please build for me A house in a tree Called the little tree house, The little tree house.
I'd like to be In a house in a tree Called the little tree house, The little tree house.
Simplest thing There isn't much to it. You just climb a tree And nail everything to it.
gendr108.txt - - - - v1-23-08, 10am.: 30-minute study on understanding the opposite-sex..by Barbara.de.Angelis...from:vhs-notes.
Dear May-Den: (cut this part out)
i found no sign of-you at ??? you had not bin there...?
- so i took the ''NEXT-STEP.'' alone. - after typing grama108.txt i lost sight of 'self' - and just.wanted... to love 'you.' - and decided to give-it 30.min. - it was one of those 'understanding the opposite sex' cassettes, - and i soaked it up and typed it out as best i cood. - i hope you like it. show it to your boy-friend. . i 'can' say: the part about the man... is very true. they did a good job. but i may have mis-worded, how a woman is. .
secound message:
May-Den:..I..Am..sooo 'Sorry...
i just finished typing gendr108.txt
i didnt know! i play-d with my own heart. but i didnt know it was 'all' serious and dangerous.
i just wanted...to see it. do i know when to stop.?
it was a good study for me. i think..? i never wood try it and not think of you. you made the tpying easy. and i got to hear stuff along the way.
thanks may-den...for helping me. 'see' stuff.
i drawd you a picture of it ...so you dont forget me.
-
third message:
just finished quik-refs. for gendr108.
all-new thoughts about you are come-ing. i better stop.!.. last week... l loved a girl. this week... i loved, romanced, and learned how to relationship one.
im just getting dizzy. must put this study down. War is RIsing... i must go.
-
i Wuv you maidn... (burp)
why..?
just read the quick-refs.
:::end of may-den part.
-
original start of gendr108.txt:
reasons for this study:
If im getting a girl... what does she want.?
after you reed all this... your better-off staying with your fantasy-girls.
its just to complecated.
-
but for some it may meen.. survival.
- feelings without words. is better than words without feelings. -
Any-way...here it goes.. i hope there is-nt more. i want to 'close' my girl-boy studies...
for 'better things: boy-god boy-boy boy-plant. but then...even boy-girl. gets a time and place. too. -
Here is a quick-reference: (.2.pages long.) and then all the details: (.6. pages long.) - understanding the opposite-sex: - 'know'the differences that separate them. - men 'perform' to show love... women 'relate' to show love. - women:dont make a man feel he is 'wrong'or'bad' let him know, you are not saying 'that',
even if you cant see 'how' your 'suggestion' wood be an insult. - men:saying 'sorry' to a woman goes a-long way. let them hear what they want to hear. - Men and Women Have different Brains. - men are special-ized, women are multi-tasking. - man needs time-to-shift tasks. - Tip for wemen: give transition-time, a few minutes to change the subject. - Men see 'the big-picture' eg.things ahead, future, end-results. women see 'the details' eg.things at-hand, present, steps. - eg.tell wife how she looks: fine? wrong! she wants details: Honey! you look beutiful, your-dress, your jewel-ware, lipstiick, details-about it, makes me just want-to-be-with you. - tip:dont tell her you love her... tell her why...eg: - ladies: its not that he dont care, he dosnt notice 'details', women love-it when you do. (feels-good.) - boy-girl speak different languages. ie.thinking-patters: - men are 'sollution' oriented. wemen are 'process' oriented. - eg.women think-out-loud, in a spiral, as the female sex-organ, they go around things, men like straight to the point. - - Love-Banks: men want a beautiful face and body to look at. wemen want the little changes they make loved. ::: these ARE what turn-them-on, but both like the sex... 'AFTER' the love-banks have built-up, two-days?, to provoke a-lust4sex. - -Both- find purpose and place..both want to be thanked for it, even if one dont make sense to the other. - thats why women feel men arnt 'sensitive', not 'comforting' them. they WANT the-talk, men dont get-anything out of it...but the visual. -- TIP FOR MEN: just 'be' with us, not 'do' for us. - example: if a woman is 'upset'...ASK HER: do you want me to offer a solution? or just want me to hug you? verbaly? - she may say: i just want you to listen. - cuz HE is looking for an answer... when SHE does not want one. - - 'i feel crazy, like i want to kill someone.' if man uses those same terms..its usualy pretty serious. but the same words to a woman meen somthing totaly different. - different brains,different language. - TIP FOR WOMEN: 'warn'the man that you 'want' to be emotional and 'dont'want answers. - - all YOU man have to do is: take-it for 5.min? and hold me, comfort me, tell me its o.k. dont father-me, just act-as-one. - Women:dont be offended or mad at him cuz he is trying to 'fix' your problem. males 'try' to do that, you dont want it. - - another 'BIG' Man-Woman difference is: Men 'MauL'=think about there own feelings. instead of expressing them. - but women mis-read a mans 'MauLL'ing to meen 'he is ignoring me' she feels: see? he wants nothing to do with me.! - Male:i dont 'WANT' to give an answer cuz i may say the wrong thing. - she dosnt care. just talk! - RULE-FIVE: Men are less emotionaly-Literate., they read-emotions less, they use less emo-words. so it takes HIM longer to get from head-to-heart, he wants the right-words on his feelings. - Ladies: just cuz He dosnt know how to 'say it'... dosnt meen he dosnt 'feel-it' for you. - You (Lady) need to tell him: this is what i want to say, this is how i feel. do you want to talk about it now? or in the morning? Re-schedule-it. - 'NOT-Re-scheduling' is when the biggist fights occur...dont say:no, say:later, and 'when'. (.men 'appreciate' this.) - - why do this? 1.cuz now he knows what you want. 2.he can plan for it. - mis-understanding each-other leeds to fights and neg-lect. and both begin socialy-searching for some-one else. - dont say 'lets talk'. it makes men feel safer if you warn-ahead 'WHAT' you want to talk about or do. it makes him 'willing' when he knows 'WHAT' he is in for. in a conversation. - TiP FOR MEN: not in mood to talk? Re-schedule it. dont say:i dont want to talk about it. make her feel you do. - - - MORE on taLking and communicating: when men say: 'you are always interupting' wait! - follow THAT 'EMOTIONAL-MAP' in making Love work. - women: say 'is there anything else you want to tell me or say?'. WAIT till he is done. men 'appreciate' this.(get egg-d). and women shood leeve-a-way for the man to know when 'HE' is interupting. - - ANOTHER mistake we women tend to make: we 'tend' not to be very 'direct' in the way we communicate. we like to hint-hint at a topic or issue. -- girl:you are hinting and hope-ing, and he dont-got a clue. 'YOU' need to be 'direct' (hard4females). - do-it. even if it makes him choke. ' - 'DI-RECT' is what HE 'needs' and wont understand if you just say: wwwwhhhm im-having-alot-of 'feelings' lately. - --p9-- Male:what the Hell is she talking about? LAdys TIP:be specific, you will feel impowered.
- - - - OTher Secrets of Opposite Sex: - - - - Ladies need to feel they make a difference. Men need to feel they are 'doing-well.'
and we de-prive each-other of these shows of praise. - Man:let her know she does,and how. women:let him know he does his vision well. - WHY people cheat and have affairs: its not for sex... women:'LOOK' for someone who makes them 'feel' they relly make a differnce. Men 'LOOK' for girls that 'like' what they do.
- we all want to feel like treasures.
- - .'FEEding' Love.goes-a-long-way! - cuz when women feel un-loved... they close-up..and males must then forget-about sex. - Men: dont be 'emotionaly'lazy (.quiet.) you know what we want. you know the little-things that you do that ticcle-us, our affection. verbal,showy, emo-tion. dont make us 'beg' for it. - even if you dont 'feel-right' when you do them...you will feel better, and you will feel more in-love. - if you dont-know what those 'things' are..'ASK!':what are the little-things i can do to make you feel more loved. - becuz of ALL 'THESE' differences... 'having'sex can be very-complicated... - follow an emotional-road-map, know when to stop and start... where...and for who..and to do what. - note: its practiced alot in romance-novels. -- - - top-1:womans complaint: wait until friday to start love-touching us...and 'expect' us to be 'turned-on'. - but if you dont-say 'i love you', your-beautiful, and other things all-week, friday will be no-deal. you must deposit!,build-up that love-bank to a hi-charge... - top-2:dont 'Rush' HER. dont go from first-gear to fourth (like men do.) take hours. 'check-the-roast' do a little kissing, ask her if she is reddy, if not, keep kissing where she says.
- Love-the-moment...Not the goal. - top-3:Men have sex, they dont make-love. try 'talking', passionate words,here, there,women like it.(?)when you talk and have sex at the same time: eg. this feels good, i like it here with you, you are beautifull.
-note: adding a sentence or two AFTER-ward. flattering her.
- top-4: MEN sLuuR, picture-lust, and leek their affections, give 'looks' to other women.
Men: when you do this, you are not investing in your relationship\marriage. you are investing in a fantasy.
focus-it on your partner, -
TOP-5:Mens complaints: women always need a 'BIG-Production' to make-love. eg.movies,novels,feed-back.candles, wine,stories,candies.
Note to Women:sometimes, its good to just 'have-sex'..just 'do-it'. to keep-him around for when you WANT to do-it 'YOUR-WAY'.
- -
TIP-three: Men are Visual! You 'can' argue (inside) about 'what' they 'LIKE' to see, but they 'do' like what they-see.
so..'FIND' out what those things are, wear-it, act-it, let-him see it. - -Men get turned-on 'at-the-eye' first. women get turned-on 'at-the-mind' (.oR.? body?)...this makes a BIG difference... - TIps For Getting the Most out of this tape: - 1:write it down, go over it, discus them with your partner, correct, or add personal things to it. - 2:make commitment to 'USE' these. say: i will try to give more TIME, more patience, get into details. - 3:acknowledge the changes, thank them. Love the little steps each makes. - closing: i believe God put two sexes on Earth for a reason, to be like a mirror to each-other, to teach balance, to stretch us. for destiny.
-
:::end of introduction, :::end of quik-reference.
main papers start after this comment: wait one day! now, whats your first-impressions of this information: ???
here is mine: the cave-man (not woman) has his mind stayd? on 'the big-picture.
connecting and securing places of water and seed, and blocking any Rival to those connections...
therefore, he is to-the-point.
'no-mind-of-you' is better. cuz if he finds a stranger, he barks. you become a-tool oR a threat to him, and you get driven-out.
-
Are you a tool to that person? steps:how can you make him want or need you?
- Age: in a Massai-Tribe your work is controled by age... - at my age..its nice to have 'a' family around when you need one, so make many fit for yourself. - a place where you can enjoy people, but not sex...cuz its not 'your' family... - at my age i need to be out garding borders and making new contacts. collecting information for when collecting wont be easy nor useful. - help god,others,self get into place. but by what their age allows. - the next step, (age-older) is to make water and seed places for your own-house. -
i decided: based on gendr108.txt and my-own 'need' of time-savers.
you will need two-women. to supply each-other the emotional build-up they like and need.
and since wemen 'like.' to talk...it wiil go quicker.
let others do the work, for-you. - now they are all stired-up constantly for sex.. - all you got to do...is step in. - i just hope the female-mind works this way. - i remember cruel love-stories, of men who got all stired up for a girl, and then another steped-in secretly just in time to take what the other one had coming to her. - it happens all the time, Read the Bible. -
without your-own water and seed contacts..you got no-say. they drive you out, or you them. show mercy.
- women are like sweet-breads. pretty-cakes. eat all you want... but if one makes you sick and die. ... its only cuz dis-eases are in the ingredients. - ...end of comment.
- -
main-papers start here:
--p1--
'know'the differences that separate them.
eg.needing driving-directions.. she-says:why dont you stop\ask! he-gets:offended he-thinks:your saying he-is no-good, cant gide, cant leed.
he dosnt real-ize you are just being-practicle,talkative...
-why.?-
it came-down to him:
historic cave-man example: the-man is born-to surivival-and-leeding: so... being told your-doing-it-wrong offends their very nature. it attacks the-feel for purpose and being...(to them).. . even if you didnt meen it that-way...thats what He h-Earz. .
-
Under same-cave conditions the female thinks only of her-survival...which meens the man must stay healthy and attracted to her...
so she stays 'emotional'. knowing if He-fails.. she dies in the wars. no-bread-getr. no kill.
fear of this happening.. brings constant-emo. dependency...
-
so'emo'came-down to her.
Results Today: He-works hard and shows no-feeling...
sHe-panics hard and shows much-feeling...
for in the bak of every girls mind is the old... 'im going to 'die'. if that man leevs me.'
-
wemen tend to get-in-the-way of a mans survival-buisness. and this upsets him. but she wants to make sure he-still crys over her.
- its not that he dont love you. he shows it his-way..and she dosnt see it..to well. cuz she is emo. he is not..he cant be dependant. his mind is set on the-hunt. he must bring food-in. so it-becomes 'his way' to show love..instead of emo. so he has no-emo. when she wants emo. - and cuz her-survial is by emo, she shows love...by-emo.
- women also like to 'improve' things...they dont mind being wrong. - but man does not like being told he is wrong..its very-very hard for him to say 'im-sorry'. - men: when you gide and she says: lets stop for directions,she isnt calling you a failure..she is simply suggesting you consider. dont be bitter. -
Rule-One: men 'perform' to show love... women 'relate' to show love.
eg.men want you to trust the work they do for you. women want you to comb their hair and tell them you love. them. - women:dont make a man feel he is 'wrong'or'bad' let him know, you are not saying 'that',
...even if you cant see 'how' a 'suggestion' wood be an insult. -
men:saying 'sorry' to a woman goes a-long way. let them hear what they want to hear.
-
Rule-Two: Men and Women Have different Brains.
men are special-ized, women are multi-tasking.
-
men stay on one subject to study. women can talk,study,phone,and have-sex at the same time.
-
man needs time-to-shift tasks.
-
tip4wemen: give transition-time, say 5.min, to change the subject, from what he is, to what you want him thinking about. a common interest.
-
--p2--
Rule-Three: Men see 'the big-picture' eg.things ahead, future, end-results. women see 'the details' eg.things at-hand, present, steps.
-
example: women ask how you liked the changes: dyed-hair, room-cleaned, etc.
and then women thinks you dont care, cuz you arnt giving her praise. but man dosnt pay-attention cuz he thinks past 'little-changes'.
'this' makes woman feel unloved-emo. and in need of emo-support elsewhere.
eg.tell wife how she looks: fine? wrong! she wants details: Honey! you look beutiful, your-dress, your jewel-ware, lipstiick, details-about it, makes me just want-to-be-with you.
tip:dont tell her you love her... tell her why...eg: when-i-get-home: you got it in order, when your in bed, i feel lukiest in world.
-
this makes them 'feel' special. tell them everythings going to be all-right.
-
ladies: its not that he dont care, he dosnt notice 'details', women love-it when you do. feels-good.
(see 10c.vhs.or.sears-affair)
-
boy-girl speak different languages. ie.thinking-patters:
Rule-Four: men are 'sollution' oriented. wemen are 'process' oriented.
-
eg.women think-out-loud, in a spiral, as the female sex-organ, they go around things, men like straight to the point.
-
eg.man asks:what are you doing today? out-loud she thinks:im going first to.. then..then..maybe..then..etc. -
but man is gone, isnt listening, cuz you didnt get to a two-word point.
:::my comments: (skip down)
man wants to feel he is doing-achieving, women dont look for a finish, and dont care if a task has an ultimate-result. in a week or month.
she enjoys details of the day, patterns.
she wants to feel cycles,circles.
he wants to see start and end. and a bigger 'purpose' the 'effect' this 'step' will have in years to come.
-
women care that today circles well. and details appreciated, she loves the comments,little shows of appreciation, encourage-ment, flowers, small awards.
-
--p3--
:::my comments continue:
men are out-door thinking, women outdoor, but details-affectionate. in their work.
eg.botany:man sees the net-crop results, women see the beauty and daily details. not as steps, but daily circles that are appreciated by her as your long-term. is to you..
-
Love-Banks: men want a beautiful face and body to look at. wemen want the little changes they make loved. these are what turn-them-on, but both like the sex...'after' the love-banks have built-up, two-days?, to provoke a-lust4sex.
- -
female:we need to 'talk' about our relationship. lets-talk. male:how long will this take.?
note:male wants to get to a point, and disturbed that somthing must be wrong, dosnt understand that she just wants to talk.
and circle the point, dance around the idea, adding savour,stretch,detail,and commentary.. to the point. so long as there is one..or not.
not-careing if ? or relationship has a point or far-off value to it., only that it make her little-changes more appreciated.(to her?)
-
''He Never Talks to Me.'' meens...i want verbal-affection approval praise..shes not trying to get answers, arguements, or change-you.
she wants appreciation for her circles-daily.
- ''Lets-Talk''may meen:build-up my love-banks. mental-verbal stimulation acceptance? praise. man cant see what it does to her. visual-stimulation is to him, what 'lets-talk' is to her? -
eg.female said he had that 'i-got-her' attitude after the affair, and appreciation-moments stopd as her husband did.
affairs arnt for sex,but for appreciation banked into her by flowers,little comments, feelings,
men dont like giving if they dont see a point. wemen dont care for a point just so they feel they will get to the-point(sex?) eventualy.
-
--p4--
:::comments continue:
Men 'question' the authoritys behind little-recognitions. little-things and changes dont hold value. certificates, paper-pledges,small honors,paper-promises, etc. cant be trusted nor enjoyed by men to well. nor a childs love?
-
where-as women dont see the 'value' of long-term ambitions, calling it 'no-purpose', a man does all that planning, for what? why cant he just 'be with me, enjoy little-things'
half-the fun is:getting there.
little-achievements, and multiple-channels of things-to-do,talk-clean,have sex,all at same time.
-
she calls him 'dis-placed warrior' fighting a battle that dosnt exist (to her). cuz she cant see nor desire such as man.
-
man is in the field.. watching the big-plan. woman is at home.. watching the little activities.
-Both- find purpose and place..both want to be thanked for it, even if one dont make sense to the other.
-Woman needing much more thanks,app. the man: only a few well-chosen words. of his liking.
...to 'egg'him on.
-
--p5--
casset continues:
(.not my comments:) so.. wemen talk about everything, even hours-later, going over it again, enjoying it. round and round, like her.sexual-organ. - driving man crazy cuz the discussions 'never' get to a point, like his.sexual-organ - example: boy complains about his relationship with a girl...to another girl.
note: you will never Hear her say: is this going to take long?
Hell no! she'd love to hear 'ALL' about it. going over it herself and never getting to a point. . but males:dont WANT to hear it.
- thats why women feel men arnt 'sensitive', not 'comforting' them.
they WANT the-talk, men dont get-anything out of it...but the visual.
- example: man comes home,woman complains about her day, makes up little complaints, male only wants to..'get-to-a-point' fix-things,find her an answer. but she dosnt WANT an answer. - male says:what do you do? what are your options? female says: your not listening to me! your dont understand!
- wooo! instant fight !
why? if there is a point, she dosnt WANT to get to it. not directly...just eventualy. (.not at all is fine too.)
see?:she is 'enjoying' the conversation and 'looking' for bits of acceptance and your praise, verbaly-valued. and dosnt want you to quit..
so it happens again every-day... every-night...instant fite. cuz you dont understand why she keeps it up. shes an emotional creature. a woman...?
- she: i want to be comforted,held,told everything will be o.k. he: thinks..what good is 'that' going to do?..he is logical...and see's no joy in temporary comments-of-affection.
- he sees...the-big-picture..and wont? move off them for heR...little quirks. - HE: i want to 'fix' the problem, logical, not emotional...her needs. HE wants to give a 'solution'. She wants the joy of 'the process'. little praises along the way. - (but i think her attitude is fitting if she will raise children) - TIP FOR MEN: just 'be' with us, not 'do' for us. - example: if a woman is 'upset'...ASK HER: do you want me to offer a solution? or just want me to hug you? verbaly? - she may say: i just want you to listen. - so she pours out complaints, going over and over them till she is 'satisfied' and then forgets it as if nothing happened. never needing a point. - man gets up thinking, WOW! she has -GOT- a mental-problem!... cuz HE is looking for an answer... when she dosnt want one. - sometimes these 'complaints' can get WILd for sake of attention,exagerating. example: female storms into the room: i had such a rotten day! my girlfriend got me upset, and i feel like killing her-him for that. - male is sitting there thinking: O my god! she's wanting to kill people... - if man uses those same terms..its usualy pretty serious. but the same words to a woman meen somthing totaly different. - different brains,different language. -
--p6--
TIP FOR WOMEN: 'warn'the man that you 'want' to be emotional and 'dont'want answers.
- women are 'process'oriented and so 'exagerate' problems or information. (to get more out of it?..romantic?)
example: i dont know what im going to do, i feel like killing somebody sometimes. - so man panics and thinks shes going mad. and calls for a medical-mental-doctor. - man takes 'killing'literal, women 'wants' to be emotional, un-wind and complain, for just 5.min?.. - all YOU man have to do is: take-it for 5.min? and hold me, comfort me, tell me its o.k. dont father-me, just act-as-one.
- Women:dont be offended or mad at him cuz he is trying to 'fix' your problem. males 'try' to do that, you dont want it? - - another 'BIG' Man-Woman difference is: Men 'MauL'=think about there own feelings. instead of expressing them. cuz they are 'solution'-oriented. they want an answer for it. - and women dont 'care' for the answer. so long as they know its coming. they 'want' to express feeling, and get attention for extreeming-themselves. maybe get egged-on to do more. - but men want to 'get-it-right' so they MauLL... till they find best words? - women dont care if they get-it-right, just so they feel they 'will' eventualy. just not yet. - dont get to the answers yet cuz this gives me time to 'dance-around' the issue, collecting praise,extreems,details that getting-to-the-point misses. - but women mis-read a mans 'MauLL'ing to meen 'he is ignoring me' she feels: see? he wants nothing to do with me.! - :::my comment: visual.vs.verbal.appreciation: both-sexes get pulled together, resulting in relationships,commitment,both become.. one-direction.
but in our-culture: this leed to more-evil, and painful-stess. when other-offers and mis-understandings of opposite-sexes..Arise.
-comment closed.
--7--
cassete continues: example: its late-at-nite, she says: honey..we need to talk about this... he says: i dont want to talk about it. he wants to MauL.it over. she just wants to talk about it.(get pleasure) so she picks late-nite to talk... cuz she knows male is to tired to 'MauL' and wont try to be so 'logical' - this is how the first-fights start. cuz Male dosnt understand 'WHY' she wants to 'talk about it.' - Male:i dont 'WANT' to give an answer cuz i may say the wrong thing. - she dosnt care. just talk! - - RULE-FIVE: Men are less emotionaly-Literate., they read-emotions less, they use less emo-words.
so it takes HIM longer to get from head-to-heart, he wants the right-words on his feelings. - Ladies: just cuz He dosnt know how to 'say it'... dosnt meen he dosnt 'feel-it' for you. - You (Lady) need to tell him: this is what i want to say, this is how i feel. do you want to talk about it now? or in the morning? Re-schedule-it. - dont sit on-top of him and 'talk'. tell him what you want, maybe go-over the topic for 5-min to get him 'warmed-up' to it. the set a time for it. Re-schedule. -
'NOT-Re-scheduling' is when the biggist fights occur...dont say no, say later, and 'when'. (.men 'appreciate' this.) - example: she says: the kids are coming, i didnt like the problems last time with step-mother,
I-NEED 5-20.min.going over the details. - why do this? 1.cuz now he knows what you want. 2.he can plan for it. - mis-understanding each-other leeds to fights and neg-lect. and both begin socialy-searching for some-one else. - dont say 'lets talk'. it makes men feel safer if you warn-ahead 'WHAT' you want to talk about or do. it makes him 'willing' when he knows 'WHAT' he is in for. in a conversation. -
--p8-- - TiP FOR MEN: not in mood to talk? Re-schedule it. dont say:i dont want to talk about it. make her feel you do.
- - -
MORE on taking and communicating: when men say: 'you are always interupting' cuz you listen and comment between lines.. - He 'WANTS' to finish to-a-point., not let-you jump in and detail.. (like girls do to each-other) - ? THAT 'EMOTIONAL-MAP' in making Love work. - women: say 'is there anything else you want to tell me or say?'. WAIT till he is done. men 'appreciate' this.(get egg-d). and women shood leeve-a-way for the man to know when 'HE' is interupting. -
- ANOTHER mistake we women tend to make: we 'tend' not to be very 'direct' in the way we communicate. we like to hint-hint at a topic or issue. - we do-not 'ASK' for what we want.. and then wonder why we do not get it. - example: Lady wants to suggest 'commitment' to her man, but just 'suggests' it by talking about two-others who did. 'isnt that great!'she says. 'yeah,?..thats great' he says. - then woman starts crying and telling him how aweful she feels, and you dont love her, and male totaly dosnt get what she said. - girl:you are hinting and hope-ing, and he dont-got a clue. 'YOU' need to be 'direct' (hard4females). - do-it. even if it makes him choke. 'i want to consider a commitment or closing this relation-ship, and we need to set a time to talk about it.' - 'DI-RECT' is what HE 'needs' and wont understand if you just say: wwwwhhhm im-having-alot-of 'feelings' lately. - -end-
-
--p9-- Male:what the Hell is she talking about? LAdys TIP:be specific, you will feel impowered.
- - - -
OTher Secrets of Opposite Sex:
Ladies need to feel they make a difference.
Men need to feel they are 'doing-well.'
and we de-prive each-other of these shows of praise.
-
Man:let her know she does,and how. women:let him know he does his vision well.
-
WHY people cheat and have affairs: its not for sex... women:'LOOK' for someone who makes them 'feel' the relly make a differnce. Men 'LOOK' for girls that like what they do.
- we all want to feel like treasures.
:::my commnet: the 'feel' above meenz..not 'logicly' as in 'facts' statistics, but 'feel' as in 'emotional' responses.
maybe:the praises she gets per-hour. or till satisfied. praises given how and when she wants them. not over. not less. not fony.
-
::casset tape continues: .'FEEding' Love.goes-a-long-way! (prep?see my tape-program how2feed it verses how to starve-it))
-
cuz when women feel un-loved... they close-up..and males must then forget-about sex.
Men: dont be 'emotionaly'lazy (.quiet.) you know what we want. you know the little-things that you do that ticcle-us, our affection. verbal,showy, emo-tion. dont make us 'beg' for it.
-
even if you dont 'feel-right' when you do them...you will feel better, and you will feel more in-love.
-
if you dont-know what those 'things' are..'ASK!':what are the little-things i can do to make you feel more loved.
We Will TELL you!. We (.girls.) got a big long-list of them.
-
--p10--
becuz of 'THESE' (entire study) differences... 'having'sex can be very-complicated...
follow an emotional-road-map, know when to stop and start... where...and for who..and to do what.
-
((see our 'making-love-work' program)) SEX is a symptom of a good-relationship. not the 'goal'.
-
what contributes to a good sex-life: TIPS: get some, ask! Male and Female.
we have 'really-different'ways of even viewing-sex.
top-1:womans complaint: wait until friday to start love-touching us...and 'expect' us to be 'turned-on'.
- but if you dont-say 'i love you', your-beautiful, and other things all-week, friday will be no-deal. you must deposit!,build-up that love-bank to a hi-charge...
start early, and what-you-put-into it, WILL turn back to you, when it has set awhile. -
top-2:dont 'Rush' HER. dont go from first-gear to fourth (like men do.) take hours. 'check-the-roast' do a little kissing, ask her if she is reddy, if not, keep kissing where she says.
a little more here, and more there. - Love-the-moment...Not the goal. - top-3:Men have sex, the dont make-love. try 'talking', passionate words,here, there,women like it.(?)when you talk and have sex at the same time: eg. this feels good, i like it here with you, you are beautifull.
-note: adding a sentence or two AFTER-ward can 'REELY' make a diffence to a woman. so say somthing flattering.
-
--p11--
top-4: MEN sLuuR, picture-lust, and leek their affections, give 'looks' to other women.
Men: when you do this, you are not investing in your relationship\marriage. you are investing in a fantasy.
focus-it on your partner, you will feel it, and you-WILL be rewarded in time for your submission. (judgment: from her of from God?)
-
TOP-5:Mens complaints: women always need a 'BIG-Production' to make-love. eg.movies,novels,feed-back.candles, wine,stories,candies.
Note to Women:sometimes, its good to just 'have-sex'..just 'do-it'. to keep-him around for when you WANT to do-it 'YOUR-WAY'.
note:- men make love more often, if you have sex more often. And men 'LIKE' the spontaneous response of you just 'WANTING-TO-be-with-them',(!)
skipping all that:'i got-to do my hair, do my nails, get in the mood' stuff. -
even if you are not-in-the-mood. oR dont feel-right about it at the time.
- Men 'LOVE' it when the woman takes the initiative to have-sex, and not 'always' be the ones to suggest or start it up. oR having the responsibility of ... 'making-the-calls'...suprise-him!
-
TIP-three: Men are Visual! You 'can' argue (inside) about 'what' they 'LIKE' to see, but they 'do' like what they-see.
so..'FIND' out what those things are, wear-it, act-it, let-him see it.
(.good-god! who wrote this? Satan?)
-
--p12--
Men get turned-on 'at-the-eye' first. women get turned-on 'at-the-mind' (.oR.? body?)...this makes a BIG difference...
-
Men 'HATE' when women dont know their own bodies, and expect the guy to know what to do. he dosnt have one of those so he dosnt know.
-end-
- - - -
TIps For Getting the Most out of this tape:
1:write it down, go over it, discus them with your partner, correct, or add personal things to it.
2:make commitment to 'USE' these. say: i will try to give more TIME, more patience, get into details.
3:acknowledge the changes, thank them. Love the little steps each makes.
-
closing: i believe God put two sexes on Earth for a reason, to be like a mirror to each-other, to teach balance, to stretch us in the directions we need to go, appreciate the differences, understand them, learn from them, use them.(.to go foreward.) to stretch yourself and stretch your heart to make 'Love' work. Both Men and Women...Together.
(audience appluds...tape shuts-off)
-
:::my comments: emo.tone.emo
women?follow the emotions of her location or reeds them from the people about her... and can be used to guide her into yourself. - tone: if you tell a dog to go-away, but you say it in a cheer-ful 'tone' it comes2you. they dont follow words well...they follow the-tone of the situation. - body-language:women use body-language to talk also..both tone and body-talk may explain why some 'guys' boast they can 'Make' a girl love them in just moments. - animals do this, gestures tones, and it saved-me many times. teaching each-other to understand tones and body-language can help you avoid hi-risk situations. - other note: some girls claim not to be 'EMO' cuz they know guys dont understand that, and wood be turnd-off...i think thats what EMO meens...i heer it on blogs alot. -
-no end.-
girl-boy study closed by reading Romance-Novels.
it felt strange just to have one in my hand.
novels 1970's to Today. it blew my mind... not just the words... but how-they used them.
-
Ripping up the female mind, making me emotional also.
- they wanted a book sold. killing trees and man-kind to do it.
-
but...in-it... i saw the danger. of my-own 'girl-boy' playing.
-
danger beyond belief.
-
mans evil-heart... magn-ified... one-million times...
-
i felt so small.
-
choking me with doubts that i cood do anything.
-
i didnt know the heart cood be its own downfall.
-
teezing it, instead of care-ing for it.
-
- - end of study -
-
my first-impressions of this, were moved to the end of the quik-references.
the sense-s behind this tale are moved to the ending.
so lets go right into the fantasy:
dear fantasy girl, i had a dream.
it was you last night. you removed everything. you let cold-night air chill you.
you crawled a-lone into the sheets...sliding them all threw you.
you took your favorite dream-boy-thoughts with you.
and i used them to wake you.
-
the kisses started around your mouth, and i pulled on your hair.
moving up to the ear, till kisses slid down the neck, and to the nearest breast, making it stiff. and pulse-ating.
-
i grabed what oils i cood find and began hand-rubs like no-one-else can.
all-over-you those hands went, gliding and pressing lightly, feeling for maximum-sensations, causing your weak shaking body to 'pull-tightly' for more.
-!-
-
till the moments came, when you absolutely need-ed a male.
-
all your members became so hot and hungry for a male i thought you were going to -Burst-.
squeezing you wood have instantly given you an orgasm.
touching you once-more wood have completly sent you reeL-ing. and twisiting into a gushing exta-cy.
-
but i did it not.
-
instead... i watched you there. beating and throbing for just one more...
- .
and i gave it not.
- i watched your eyes as you sat there crying-out for the final-blow...
- .
but i had no mercy. - you slid along the edge for what seemed hours.. and i held you there. till the passions began to sink...settle..and die. - it was cruel. - and all the way down.. your eyes pleeding to me... to get you back up. and over! - . but you were left alone.
- die-ing in your own affections. die-ing in my arms. - your breathing returned to normal, and you never felt.. worse. -
-
this happened again and again..all night...till you were hanging fruitless in my arms.
stab-ing you with my self-control till you truly died.
-
- and this happened again! 'every' night. untill your unfruitful-juices were mine. and you were use-less to any other boy, but me. - i soon had no more oil. so i just used your own juices to get myself hard. wiping them all over me and enjoying the free-slide your woman-hood makes for me.
and then peeking and spilling and going over the edge several times, right in front of you, knowing you wood never be able to. leaving you behind...help-less, childless. -
i did this to you every night till you emotionaly-dried-up... unfruitful...in my arms...
- till there was nothing left of you but boy-juices.
-
when i woke from the dream there was nothing left of you, but...boy-juices...for me. -
-
other males came by to Laff at it, and brought with them girls more fruitful, more pleasing than yourself...
- and there you were, left alone. in your sheets, in your bed, in the night, watching the stars. go by. - prooving again, that boys always win... in the end.
-
end of infertility dreams. end of tale
end of story.
it 'is' the end... even tho, when i lift up my hands, i can still feel your heart and parts, sliding thru them, the rub-rub-rub never ends, its like a feeling...still beating, in my hands.
-
- ending information: sense-s behind this tale: what-exactly was i thinking, when i wrote this?
more about males: Males do not want children... yet they have great passions for a woman and fear-terribly that one will strangle his ability to make seed.
i have had terrible-dreams of a girl grabbing the nuts and 'squeezing' all the life out of them.
letting 'who-knows' how many generations of beautiful women that were inside those balls spill-out, slide down her hands and mouth and dry at her toes die-ing.
and then making me dye also by day-ly strangling me between her members to get pleasure and watching me suffer and die seedless in her hands also, as my seed did.
-
yes...boys push their 'fears' to the extreem...always wanting to know..how much pleasure and power a male body can give and feel.
-
but also this tale was written to proove to myself that girls dont have-to always win in my fantazees. (.cuz they always do.)
- i am 'limited' to a boys fears, but i-can 'guess' at what makes a girl 'shake'. - in the end:...we like 'making' these fears...our fantaseez... - and using them...to get more HoRny, act more sex-ag-ressive, and get more pleasurable... by pre-tending to defend-ourselves, from what we cannot-hide:
- a craving for finding 'submission'. under Him...or.. under Her. -
-
and i hope this talk ends. - cuz of all the things we got going for us in this world. sex-attraction must be the 'leest'.
- small dosnt meen 'un-important' it just meens...
...um.
'leest.
- we (.male+female.) got better things to do. - - but... with all these male-fears i hope you understand why the tale turned out..as it did:
mixing female-sensations with male-fears. - it meenz i need a girl to write it..correctly. -
- also..
- i think i missed the point that girls dont-have a point. and enjoy one part, as much as another. - they enjoy 'the moment', but males prefer the end. - .um - we think different. -
- (see gendr1-08.txt or some -other nfo on 'understaning the opposite-sex')
-no end-
-
well, ...o...k. there was one other motive.
-
i wanted to see if its possible to freighten-a-girl into having-fornication.
- doctors do similar tricks to get their patients hooked on somthing they dont need. - but i did it to make the girls go crazy. - it may not be possible. posting somthing to get them screeming. - i do know 'girls' are good at it. when using words on guys. and it hurts! like when they say... 'you dont got the 'balls' to do anything right.' - - uuhgh! - that makes me so...
...'angry-humpy'..
(.is that a word.?) -!-
.
i just hope i find... a 'come-back'... to such a heavy verbal blow. - using my own fears, - as a gide. -
-
um.
i also sense most girls have a terrible-fear of being knifed..oR stab-bd... even cutting themselves to get that...feeling?
- i tried to use that in my tale..but i dont know how. - secretly... i want to understand girls... so i try stuff. - but now i will leev-it to the Romance-Novel Rite-rs. who get tips from reeders. - ever notice how some Mix.. Romance with Murder.? (stabs.) - what does love got to do with killing people.?. - guys cant see the connection. and we dont got a body that worries about it. - hear that Ladies?: if we cant figure you out... its cuz we got good reasons. - picture posing with a pair oF double-handled walnut-shell nut-cracker and a big-smile isnt going to help. - ...(panic.) - girls also got strange... connections to this earth that i cant figure out: - moon-cycles, mineral-cravings, life-support-systems, mother-force-energy, health-problems, unusual nature-calls, sensitivity to growing things, a longer life-span... all this.. and a body that has to be beautiful attractive and some-how...more frail.
than a man. -
its a wonder-woman. its a wonder they can even stand up with all that. its a wonder how much we males miss. - maybe they feel sorry for us.?
- i can try some words... but only a male can understand them.. i heard-them and it makes guys owful HoRny.
- they go like this: - She kept the male layd, and on his back to do this, his legs apart or together it dont matter. - cuz she had the whole member, in a pony-tail. balls and all were up, cuz she had it tied up. - the queen kept her hand flat-out and and pressing the males member, sliding down it to the base, and down further,
- pressing even harder into the balls till they came up between her fingers - and still kept sliding, pulling them along till they popped back down painfuly, and then pressed by the palm. -
sometimes stoping to hold the palm pressed tight down on the bag. holding it like that while the other hand.... -
her other hand was giving the blow-job. stoaking the nob-end till big and solid.
- then the other hand.. continued the flat-hand re-peats. - some-times both hands working at the same time. to keep the male painfuly excited... -
but i think it was the words she used...males have a hard-time re-turning the favor, they cant talk-well when they are focused.
- but a woman sure can... she probly cood be listening to her girl-friend, and doing all this to you at the same-time... - women are 'multi-tasking' -
anyway... male was excited enuff. but it was her words that did him in. and finished him off.
-
she kept saying those sexual- threats that males always like to tremble at and are afraid of fighting.
- like...oohw..im going to rub your nuts clean. - im going to pull all your beautiful women out of your balls and drain you of all your seeds. crushing them forever between my toes. - taking them away from you. and watching your little seed-maker die with them. one stroke at a time. - holding you till all their life is gone, and all your life is dying in my hands. - one year at a time until you also, fall seedless before me. - -end-
Yikes!
- you dont know how much a male fights to let her have seed. when she talks like that. he puts all his male into it. to proove her wrong.. and secretly hope-ing.. she wins. - its a horrible teeze... a pretend-play that leeves the poor male gasping for breath and trying to re-peat it over-and-over... - its a horrible way to find out how much man he has... inside.
its emotional to him. a love-hate he cant forget.
-no end-
now maybe you know -why- the dream-story got like it did.
You've scene the worst, Now may-I-den?? give you my best.< a wish.
A-bridge-d>
Vision: ear to twat, I am searching the atmosphere for answers, You are reading out-LOUD. We are Good team. Now, I read, You sweat/need water. I thrive in heat. You want under my skirt, I understand that and want my skirt over You. Then We agree. I feel rushed, You want the rush. Then We agree. I tell you what to do, You do-nut agree. I Do when you tell me. That turns me...ON...too. Your head keeps me stabled while My arms keep You going. Indoors I get cluster-fucked. Outdoors You can-nut push me over and "ram" me as hard as you'd love two. This might go-on for some time. A lifetime if we are blessed or carefull enough to abide the rules. We can still cum together on this. Do You agree?
VISION: a return to primitive lifestyles. a popular decision. the revote-alution-soul-ution. GOOD guys/gals ALWAYS win. 'Evil'(i DO-NOT believe in this) thrives in the dark. In Light of This...We embrace differences (mental/physical/chemical/spiritual...) Hard-Work and Faithfullness will prevail. Bad guys/gals are lazy. Life requires ambition to think/see/feel/hear/smell past the negative/dark. You can always have More. You can never have less. (Think Tea) Here is what I want You to DO to me. FEEL FREE. A woman loves to know her-man can take-care of himself, especially when He has Her in mind. Then when it is Good to make Peace and/or Love...it is ALL More Gooder. Less 'angry-humpy' (Webster 2009).
words108.txt - - - - v1-29-08 7pm siR-iching 'Her' and finding... more than the world. v1-28-08 6pm 27002 day5 v1-27-08 6pm 24325 day4 v1-26-08 1pm 15404 day3 v1-24-08 8pm 10102 day2 -
-total shock-
-(...)
the-'HER'
has posted !
it included: Po-Em: Little Tree House, Please build for me, A house in a tree...
-
Its not 'Rite' to take messages and Rip-them apart like i did. looking for hidden meenings, and secrets lost for so long.
-
but i was Red-dy.
-
its more... its not english... its not words.
.
not to me.
-
it was the long-est mess-age i have. ever. Red.
-
cuz i layd it down b4.All the lords: the-boy the-brother the-lion.
i stopped at each part of the message. and each Lord gave different inputs.
de-tails...
and each told me things.
-
things i dont 'dare' put into words.
- Near every sentence i paused: wow! what ? did it feel like.. to Her.. to type this part... - till i was typing it too.
-!- -. -.
By the end of the message... (two days for a guy)
the-lion was throb-ing. the-brother was sing-ing. the-father was weep-ing. and.. the-boy was mad as hell!.
-
-
'she' dont know... i reed gendr108.txt . -
iAm growing a...
'female-view-point' of..
what was be-hind some of those words...
-
and 'that' ree-ly 'broke' me... . . . the lords got much-more passion-ate-ed in their views. till everything in the court-room..was just...
un-Bear-able.
-
for one moment i felt... . . -ALIVE. .
-
Like i was 'lear-ning' how to REED words...for the first time. . .
-
be-ing in this world... be-ing a part of its.. human-families... never felt so.. . ..goood.
-
may-be its pre-paring me for what-ever i must face... since i in-sist on.. doing-things...dif-rent-ly.
- -
and i was Rite. . . you are the 'HER'..that made it threw time.
-
i cood 'H-EaR' 'HeR' so well.
. . it was not your in-tention. . but in your effrt to 'word' things. .and get me to see your WANTS... . . i saw mine. . and i saw 'HeR'... . you ended up posting somthing that de-fends woman-hood. and seems to speak for them 'ALL.'
it de-fied all the pre-sent abuse.ive. style.z. . even mine. -
and im ashamed..
of my 'own' fanta-see-z. . . .
-
but if streem-8 is going to be all about Rip-ing mankind up by showing them their own heart. . so be it. . -
i just... never felt...so... 'closer' to them..
than i do now.
-
my fore-fathers (and mothers) are plee-ding with me to loook... at-them...threw you...
threw what you type-d.
and 'connect' with them. and get a 'Loook' at just how fool-ish...Our 'sudden' changes are.
to our kind.
to our tribes...
(now.'U.N.'recognizable.)
-
-
'flashing' in my mind are... images, artifacts, sculptures. which THEY made b4u 'came'
-ALL- made by their 'own' hands.
pull-ing 1,000's of years all-to-gether'... . create-ing a general-picture... of what shood-be...
and how very-'off' we got. (.suddenly.) . . -
im so ashamed. .
-
and then. . 2-1-day 'meet' these people.. in my own blood.. and give an answer... for the be-ha-viour i was a-part of.. down here. .
-
. i dont 'want' to meet my fore-fathers my elder-brothers.. . i dont want to be.. 'gathered to them' . . i will be so... humu-li-ated. . ..i will feel so... :::dead.?
-
and yet... in youR eyEs...
in your words... i see..
.
(...) .the-hope.
-
the elders. they are saying...
. give it your best. . Run with 'us'. . do 'your' best. . follow OUR example. .
- not empty promises. not 'ex-cuses' for WHY people do-it.. differntly-now... - no. - follow us. you have 'us' for an-example. . feel uS.. iN... Her. . feel your hands..(.) move them.. (') they are HERE.. becuz of uS... . . inside you is ALL our history...our valor.. and our beaut-y. .
-
when you strap your gear on. when you collect wat-UR. and plants seeds. . you are only using 'our' hands in-side your-hands. . cuz thats where We are. thats where You are. and thats 'How' you got here. - 'dOnT' let them edu-cate-you to death.. and.. so well that... you cannot see-this.
.. who we (.man-kind.) are.
-
Stand For uS.
-
dont Let..
new.Ways
new.Adds
make you ashamed of us.
-
in all-our-Efforts we were... veRy-man.. and vEry-woman. -
-
..4,000.years of - personal Re-lee-fs (.blogs carved on stones.) still got the s-miles... to proove it. -
-
-(.new comment.)
iAM tempted2 Re-post Her message and Po-Em: with coments of what the lords said.
-
example: she said:
'I like to think of myself as a creator not a destroyer. I need you to be creative. However loosy goosy that becomes.'
-
be-side the 'di-rect' meening.. (.i.love.her.)
i also loook-d in-2-Her... . i used gendr108 to REE-d the woman in her.
to find 'why' she uses certain..words. . tho she did it naturaly.. i find it fas-in-ate-ing. . i wish males cood see this... .(.un-lock it.) -
i wood also tell you what ...the-lion. ..the-boy. the-father.
de-tail about it.
(see.grama108.)
-
but i wont.
-
it hurts to much...
-
i dont like my stuff re-posted with changes... and comments.
(.tho it be helpful.)
-
NEXT... she...plans to add the 'detail'. -
...little-changes to be
'appreee-she-ate-it-ed'
-
i will not stop her... the 'HeR' inside her is calling uS to 'destiny'
to re-shape man-kind..
no-matter what i say...
-
. . ..just hope it dont Turnn-out. brutal as it 'cood-be.'
-
-
-
and also,
i wont type
'anything' like
grama108.txt to a girl
again...
-
no-body shood be 'that' care-ful with words.
males try to-Hard to 'word' feelings.
-
a-heart shood try to 'love' some - other - older - way. - not re-wording it. - - and i am soo 'Floor-d' to think... she may be working on it. . with... 'proof and perfection/protection.' - -
well...um.
dont do it again.!
- the-father says U-R care-er-ing to many ::value-ables:: to blow-it all on the-boy... -
-
but then...
i sense...
like me....
she is doing it...
be-cuz she loves-deeply.
and wants boys to do well.
and be well..
-
-
when she speaks...
she speaks with all the 'HeR-power' our hungry hearts can possibly take.
waiting for us to 'break' so she can feed us more. 'quenching your thirsty soul.'
-
and 'my-gen.' needs to h-eaR. it...sooo... des-para-ate-ly.
she is our L-ink. ... and we are H-ers. ... and she knows it.
-no end-
note: this is how important... a Ret-Mother is...
.
and most kids
dont get one.?
.
total-shock.
-!-
no...
total 'death.'
with...
-no end-
-
but.but.
'why' was...?
the-father weeping.?
...?
im 'afeared' to ask 'why.' . He's older than he looks. and knows all about men, even what is 'not' in books... . adding details to history... cuz he knows...what men feel. i hate him cuz i dont understand him.
-
i pre-tend he is Not.
(.people de-nye their own heart-parts.)
i 'do' get... ideas and words from him. . but i did not 'accept' him... till May-den came...
-
after this... . . .He. wood. not. hide.
-
-(new document)
2 days later:
just re-Red words108.txt . . it Feels... odd..(.new tone.) when red at a laytr-date.
-
it 'loookss' like i was... . use-zing-May-den-again to... search my-own hear-T.
-
n2-things i dont 'word' well but they...'WANT' to cum.
-
i didnt 'know' i wood speak of ancestors so defens-ivly... . .it sounded almost...
'de-monic.' .
- - - i guess...when a woman... grabs you by th-roots... you start finding out.. where them roots go.
. . i dont no 'why' she has that 'hold' on me...so. .
-
she used these words: . 'You want to know how I feel right now? stupid. Now to get over that...' . . this feels sim2 when i completely.. 'un-did' myself. to-her.
(.grama108.txt)
if thats what she meens by 'stupid' . .
-
its like...
when you go in for yearly check-ups... . :::prevention now::: meenz U-pay-less later.::: . except... . it feels..totaly...
..?..
...stupid!
sitting there.. (.on a table.) with nothing-on...
and 'Let'ing.. some-one
'check-you-out'
-
it feels so....
(.never mind.) ..embarass-ing.? -
she-does that to me.
even if i cant
do it to her.
(.i wanted it...to..)
- and i feel 'special' when i look at girls and think words may have... done-it to them...too. - . .
(.more.)
what if soon i 'dont' care what is in-side me....?
-?
do i go-back to 'cold and hear-t-less.'
not to 'listen'. not to look at truth.. when it shows itself.. mirrored in others.
is that what i want.? - can i 'war' when a mans heart i see better ? - will her love stop war? - is this what they meen when one says: she 'holds' a spell on him.? . . . (note: its just a check-up... your not sposed to do-it all the time.)
how long do these 'check-ups' last.?
(.male wants a point.) . . Her grip on me iz compl-eetly un..earth..lee. . . but if there is an..'Earth-ee' side.. . i woodnt mind 'feeling' that also.
- -
you know what: getting 'sick' from... a cow-pox.
..infect-shun..
makes you 'in-ocul-ated'
and you wont 'die' from a small-pox hit.
-
so let-ing 'HeR'. infect you... 'may' offer protection.
- . . . man-kind needs its mother. and her natural in-oculations, defenses, and nutrition, stored in her milk.
-
(.MaLe.) it is to bad i can only use... words that touch 'my' heart.. . . at-leest 'enuff' to type them... . . and then,
Try To Re-member... . . that she is doing the same. . .
-
i think, i will close this... with...
a word found in 2007 diary:
'Some-times...you 'meen' so well, you for-get...that others do-NOT!'
-
-
(next document)
Day Three: an Evil Omen.
-
'if you give a man bread, you nourish him once.
if you teach him to plant, you nourish him forever.'
-
a cold wind enter-d... cau-sing 'THOSE' words to fall from the wall...
to the floor. -
-
- the un-Bear-able night at court with the lords ended.
. . . as soon as morning came ... the-boy was back.
-
arms folded, eyes-narrowed.
the little-man was steem-ing! . . . 'May-den makes beautiful.' i said. she lets me see things... and i... . . but he began p-r-each-ing 'Hard'. . as one kid wood to another... . trying to win his best-friend back. . . the-boy pace-d the floor with wild jest-ures and the care-full word-ing only a boy cood 'feel-for.' . (.eg.tree-houses.) . this went on for an hour. take-ing me back y-ears... show-ing me the rec-cords re-sults re-turns de-tails. . my fate future fantasy's.. and where i fit. . it was very convincing-g. . i never seen any-one try so HARd to pull me back into the powers of boy-hood. he was expert-tense-d! . dont you see! - he said. she's turning you into a 'goose-brain'. . next-thing you know you will be thinking like a girl... . your blog 'got' like this cuz you are 'bias'. . she will flooR-you so-bad..you...
you wont be 'bias' any-more.!
-
-
i told the-boy again... . 'May-den makes beautiful.' i said. she lets me see things... . . she makes me 'see' you..
she makes all my 'characters'-istics. come-and-live,
write on-to the screen...
and i Love....
- no you dont! the-boy said. you only love what you 'listen' to...
so bend your H-EaR..T over H-EAR!...
(.this he said pulling on one ear and twisting it.) -
-
when the pain 'cooled'... i was about to punch the little dude-mif in the nose... (.and thats 'what' he wanted.) . he raised his fist and i raised mine. . and thats' when it broke.. .
(-!) -
suddenly.. . the heat of fantasy's and boy-hood training.. flush-ded back into me... . and i saw it... . my best-friend. . waiting to knock-me. . and his eyes twinkling... cuz he 'knew' he had
just 'won' me back. . for the records .
-
--joy!
we laff'd out-loud.. . so happy to see eye-to-eye again..
-
kindred spirits. . griping each-other in a hand-held blood-lock. . re-minding me that i had given him the next ten-years..to his services. . :::2007-2017.is4the boys.::: . as the 'best' i cood possibly pu-t. on my step-stone..
- we breethed sighs of Re-Leaf.. . and b4 the-boy left..he said:
'deuda_m' . 'get-Rid'... of that mai-den.'
::Stay with your own Gender... even if just Mental-ly:: -
he was Rite! and i love the freedom.
he was Rite! its called: being a 'gental-men'
(.i suppose..then... acting like a 'Lady' meens treating me like a sister.?)
- as he re-turned to his new position...
i watched him walk.away..
-
- and i thut...
where did he get his energy? . . a maiden. . . where did he get his looks? . . a maiden. . . why did i enjoy this time so? . . a maiden.
-
Ho-HuM... i thut.
the-boy is right...
-
im turning into a 'goose-brain'. She is stain-ing the sheets!
- how can i do my best for Her... if i dont do th-best for me?
shore-ly it is not Time to be cawt-by-her...
shore-ly the charts indicate no such activity...yet. -
- ''make it fit for thyself in the fields first... and then build her an house'' -
as i pondered these things. i tore the stone from my neck.. and looked for the-lion... to place it around his neck..
-
the-lion had such long-eyes.. as if he knew i was going far far away...again.
-
no...i thut...
the-maidn.
..is 'more' than this...
-
so i decided to give it to the-father... his eyes full of a deep-love for her.. a fasci-nating-force not at all like the-lion. -
no...i thut...
the-maidn.
..is more than this...
-
it fin-aly end-ed up... where it Longs-2-B... pres-sed to me again.
-
but with her face covered... . . so i wood not offend any-one... . . and all the forces of my heart.. cood still have her.
-
the 'treasure' that history-books dont talk about...
cuz it was 'to' important.
-
- (.new comment.)
oh maiden... you said: 'I needed/need to know your level/ability of forgiveness and trust.'
you deserve so much of it... (sob) it makes me sick. !
-
even in the days of 'NoaH' even in the days of 'deudam' even in the days of 'maydn'
god-gives...
-
but sure-ly you know 'by' my blogs and posts... that i have none.. take none.. and plan to give none.
you are right... bouys feel that they are not supposed to need anything.
so... you are asking for...
miracles...
-
bla.bla.bla.
- son-god gives miracles. -
why do you ask?
do you want to see a few? do you want to see faith? - faith.? - it meens...LEEN-ing-on someone i dont know. . to do what i can-not. . its very child-ish. . . but its the 'only' thing that pleasur-izez son-god. -
um...
do you...
'want me'...
to lean-on him?
so 'son-god' can love and forgive and trust you... . threw-me..? - it wood be 'easy' for me to do. - i just give him 'one' hand... and let-you... 'take' the other. - - - your not looking for me... you are looking... for him. for the one who... makes everything spin-well and spin-right...4u. - - thats.o.k. - i look for 'him'... in people too. . . . thats why 'some' people come-together... . . to enjoy 'Him' the 'SUN' shine... in their kingdom. . . . (.sim2 when i stop.. and reed..and type.. to enjoy..-YOU-.) . . He deserves... to be in the middle.. of everything. (why do i forget this?) oR it cant spin properly. . . ...i need him.
-
-no end-
(next document)
Day Four: the Stand-Off.
. . Tone.Point.Plant.Trails: -
The 'Tone' of words108.txt is diff-rent. (.not like the others.) . . cuz inner heart-changes continue. . . :::::Fear vs. Love::::
both can-not be in the same h-ear....T . . and the May-den... 'in a sense'... has told me to stand up... to her... . .
- the-boys back off as this happens... . . the-fathers turn... to look the other way.. . as if they know...
. cert-in changes..
. must be completed. . b4 i can continue... to follow them.
-
and so i keep typing... try-ing to re-cord... it. . . still open.!.. questions...desires... i want to see... a little more of heR... ...
yes...more-of-Me...
the truth..
of what i am. of what i shood be...
(.a.truth.seek-r.) -
but i MUST not loook for truth threw 'HeR'... any more! . . it can-not be safe...
-
i am red-y to ::back-off:: with the-boys. .. (it is still my Rite.) . . i need the-boys. i need the-elders. . . but. . i need maydn. . . she spake of another message full of answers...
which she may have posted by-now... but i have not red.yet (th-boys pray me not to) . . i pre-dict...it woll:
...do as she has said... 'quench your thirsty soul.' . then i will back-off.
-
yes...
but in WAR,
you list 'ALL' possibilities....first.
-
i pre-dict...ssslashings and gushings of in-tense. size-ez will cum.. . she 'may' woo-word me into a strong tall stand,
and right-up to her... to 'calm' me.
bringing me into a very danger-ous position...
- th-boys will write-me-off as 'in-sane.' a threat to the tribe.
- my 'Male' is Resisting simply cuz she is not-male...and wont be.
'that' is the dark-tone be-hind words108.txt - yet... she is a creator... and shore-ly she will.!
she just wants me to be... 'creative'...
her 'nature' can com-pleet what im lack-ing...
tho she understands it not.
- am i this way to her too? what am i doing?
- what about... Samson and Delilah. . . will mayden 'cut' me at the Rite moment?
(.yep.)
i dont need a 'close-shave'... i like long and wild... i like the priest-hood... - im back-ing-off...
. what-ever 'glimpses' of her and 'changes' she can give... . . . from down here...at her feet. is shore-ly enuff.
i will soak it in furiously! i am so thirsty... and i dont 'know' why... . . :::'knowing' duz-not matter::: she has tawt me 'that'... al-redy...
-
::words with-out a 'point':: thats what males 'hate' inside words108.txt
and yet. it may be a sign that iAm giving her what she wants... or learning-to..even if males right now are shaking their Hed.
it is where the male is looz-ing. and she is 'winning.'
-
i delight in HER so much... cuz i see 'truth':
:::you dont NEEd a 'point' to en-joy the moment... of 'where' you are:::
eg.wake up and smell the Roses. eg.half-the-fun...is GET-ING there. eg.stuff along the way... turns out BETTER than the... destination. eg. egg.
. whu? no-point.? no goal 2get from A-2-B ?
(.female voices say: dont 'do' for us... just 'be' with us.... dont you want to 'be' with me?)
-
.sorry... The 'idea' is-not 'Male' e-nuff. ..they dont 'get' what you meen. male wants a re-son.
- . but i see-threw-it now.!
en-joy them! iam man-kind... not just 'Male' . and if i submit to her... i can see them... and know them.. L-earn them... and feel them... . she is just trying to help me by be-ing herself... even if it twists me badly.
-
she can heaR my screems and gush-ings..but can-not see why..oR how somthing so good ..wood hurt a male.
- she must feel 'stupid' too. -
( new comment )
i will show you 'wair' some of her femn is soaking now. . some of her is slip-ing into every area of my be-ing.. helping me to see...what is all-around me...(tears) what i always wanted: . truth. . i will start with logic... since boys like it best.. then i will end with faith... cuz god wanted it... and man refused. .
::Logic::
did you know!:
you got 'two ways' to explore.and discover this-world:
i can study somthing cuz i got a 'point'
(.im here to get somthing.)
oR i can study somthing cuz i simply 'want' to...
'know.what.can-be.known.'
-
'the-point'...is male. and having 'one' keeps people from calling you 'crazy'.
- yet the best and most re-warding 'moments'... is when i packed-up
not-knowing....where i wood go...
and just 'WENT' blind-ly.
and winning 'more' than eYe cood ever imagine...for it. -
-
at any 'time' if one asked 'where.' oR 'why' you are snooping around...
i'd say: 'i dont know' and they'd lock you up.
they want logic... and they want a 'male' answer...they dont want you 'knowing' somthing just cuz you can know it...
they want a 'point.' a destination.
and that gets difficult. cuz 'they' are wrong... to 'always' want a 'point'
'point' isnt always an answer. and the results are... they live wrong...
trying to put Hope inside a box of logic... when logic can-not make the world. noR explain it.
-
the world was made...
in love. - logic didnt open the Red-Sea. - god wants you to 'use' logic. - but i got bad news... - logic isnt god. - . . . (maybe i shood listen to maydn.?)
-
(.next comment.)
i like streem-8 cuz it points out truth...
sadly... its 'about' things that men live and die near..
just a few feet from it..
all their lives and never find it out.
opposite-sexes just close-off their own differences. supposing it shood be kept quiet...for the sake of... being together...
when in reality...these differnces cood open up the world to them.
but what happens...? the female shuts-up. . supposing that the man has no-heart. and lives in fear...and 'He'.. is convinced she is mentaly-off... and wants to kill people... - never discovering each-other. - -
(.new comment.)
to 'others' who are reed-ing things on re-chat-streem-8
it all must be... very...'odd.'
hearts that open.. find.. not just each-other.. but the entire-world... and its de-tails...again..
having bin lost...to the eyes for so long...
cuz the creature forgot hoe-w to love.
- the mark of the beast... meenz global-security...
-!- at your finger-tips.
man will not 'need' faith...hope...nor charity.. just another credit-card. - and that.... is whenn man-kind...
.
will die.
- - - thanks maydn... for tempting me to try 'faith' . so i wood not die. .
galatians 2:20
so our human-families... can live again.
-no end-
(.new comment.)
Planting-Seed...Hiking on Trails.. even reed-ing 'long' comments on a blog isnt 'long' anymore...
cuz... im not looking for 'th-point' im not looking for what that 'seed' can do-for-me...
im not looking at how 'short' i can make the next trail...
im missing the point. and im glad i did.!
cuz now i gained the world. and the little-jewels that lay scattered all along the way.
-
pointy-nose-d Am-bish-un. had such a big 'point'.. i coodnt SEE the jewels..
ignored them...trampled them.. and i lost the world... . cuz i liked my nose.? -
-
-
::point-less:: is just ONE small con-cept.. i have picked up from maydn.
she shore-ly hidez many more.
she is desperatly searching for expressions... to make shore i get more...
and hit-ing a few 'points' to re-mind me i do her good. (.if i cood.)
- she dosnt need to 'Try'... her woman-hood radiates strong... even when she changes tone.
truth just comes out of her more.
and why i stop to listen to it... is another mystery...
-
-no end-
maydn..? if you want... i can 'Try' listen-ing to you more...
i lost all connections but your profile-picture.
try to get me back.
xanga.com\deuda_m deudamiff@yahoo.com.au oR snail-mail.
have i lost the point?
if i fail-d to get to the 'point' and was not di-rect..e-nuff:
maiden...
i.wuV.You4the.tree-house.post.
(.tell.her.why.)
cuz..i 'want' to be that2u. .and i liked the woman-hood.tones..hiding be-hind the words...
um.i needed to hear those so bad.
..and if 'i'(.me.) brought that out... of you. than im the proud-est Male.in.the.Tribes.
-
i hope-to reed your 'details' to grama108 soon. . . so i can... charge-up love-banks like gendr108 says. - :::as 'Hi' as possible::: - not so i can-push you into a male 'point'.
but cuz you tawt me... to 'stop' along the way... pick-up the joys..
i missed.... cuz i thowt i had to focus..on 'one' thing:
-the end-
and missing the world... and you.
- - - im still Male. i focus on one thing. . make me multi-tasking. . a goose-brain. . . . oR be One for Me. -
is..gendr108. correct.? (.secrets of the opposite-sex.) do they work.?
do i make... loosy-gooosy go 'Boing-Boing'
??? - i just wish other Males cood h-eaR..iT. . . maybe your details will give-me the clue.
- what pleezes THEM what pleezes YOU. - Or may-be i shood say:
what are.. 'the-little-things' i can do... to make you feel more loved.
(.gendr108.) - -
- im also sad that... all your works will be posted b4 i even get a 'chance' to post...
may-be you 'like' that Re-strain-T..
cuz it makes streem-8 turn-out way-more than a 'chat-mess.'
-
i feel cage-d and u-kno-it.
- and.i.Wuv.U.anyway. cuz you cut me free... 'inside.'
.to.No.end-
-
(.next document.)
Day Five: LooKing At You.
if i cood just say 'NO!' i-wont-post next week.
then: all these 'questions' wood stop.. tempting me.
(.closing the VENT.)
-
Even the Males are HurtN to see how faR this can go.
As.they watch me press-zing N.2. Womanhood deeply, b4 getn knocked-out.
-
Male..again.
Reef-u-zing to do... ANYTHING without a 'point' . . and getn angry if. we dont see it. . thats us. thats what we want. no other world exists. . -
but till that moment comes... i just want to tell May-den... . . . ::Here's to 'Looking' at you::
-
-
(.next comment.) (.still looking AT her.)
she says: I Am human... Please do not worship me or lay at my feet or place me on pedistals...
-
problem: male:wants:female
he wants her wisdom. all of it. manhood...understood by womanhood.
the missing view-point. to un-lock the planet. and all its secrets. . making her 'afeared' by typing 'what males think'. not 'what female-z think'.
-
withr you be treated like queen.candy. or dirt.
(.or other preferance.)
-both-male-and-female-
need a water and seed supply-source... or you can forget-about... who feels what and why.
- she is Human. and so are you. - . . . so you did wrong. telling someone what you 'feel for them.'
you gave male-word-feelings to a female.
she can-not de-code it. . she has no-idea what th-boy th-father th-brother feel.for.her... your stuck!
let.me. help you male: say it this way:
you have no-idea what th-girl th-mother th-sister feel.for.you... got it?
-
fffff
she said: I Am human. Though i am no Son and could never be anyones'Father'.
I am permitted by custom and command to love
with all my Will/Heart.
-
see this male.? . type it back to her! . but say Mother... not 'Father'...
and you will see\feel how trap-d she is.
-
-
now the part i can do... is love...we both can. stand-under that.
-
yes, it feels Horrible... to have some of E-ar-ths greatest-secrets...
(.principles that cood change fate.)
lock-d up in the opposite gender. and no way to reach them. and only a few hand-presses away.
-
and re-chat-streem-8 try-d to connect them...
but ulti-mate-lee...you will need her with-you. and
'let-heR' take care of 'parts' that make this world work.
parts in Nature you(.male.) can-not see. . needing her care. - at-leest you try-d. - and i will 'try' to close this girl-boy study again.... and the VENT. -
(.next comment.)
No-one can say: 'iM just no-good.'
-
a heart that can love more than 'itself'... has....
some worth.
-
the test...
is when 'self' must die oR.be.at 'RisK'
to let someone-else have room.
-
and make your hear-t big. cuz im expecting a-lot . whole-tribes... strangers. . and people that had just a lick-of-faith.
in their bones.
-
even while the world move-d suddenly...into darker-ness. having no-hope, no-fear-of-god, and their children... in them was found...
no-faith.
-
the test: great-r love has no one than this:
than to lay-down your life... for your friends.
-
and you are-mine
if you do stuff i say.
-no end-
-
dear May-den... i reely messsed up. didnt i.
i got no way to view-you correctly.
putting you to high... than to low...
-
all angle-z of you is fasi-nating to me...
but son-god hates it.
cuz he took you from
the males RiB.
which is under the Arm..
and Neer the Heart.
-
Rite where you shood Be.
-
-no end-
-
-
(.next document.)
Day Six: Glad-2-b-Me.
quote.girl.boy.Laff.eye-chains
input from other male\female.
-
quote and miss-quote:
im so sorry to get cawt nib-ling on your Po-Em: comment-post
im not trying to correct you. im try-ing to get it down. N-2-me....so i squeez-it.
miss-using your words... to get all of it out...
may-be stuff you didnt see.
-
(.next comment.) ..
..this girl is ex-citing.
i want the male to think-on.her. while i still screem for her.
not just the Native Ancest-torial cords twisting Her Make-UP.
(.a.period of...5,823.years.)
but think male 'on' her...
:::the last 50-years::: those most-ree-sent and critical days and choices people made.
to make-her what she is now. and where she is today.
may-be Male...you shood look-N-2 her...that-way..
...one.time.
-
to Help the Reel-question:
:::where do we go from here:::
-
(.next comment.)
my VENT to the queen...
is still open.!
-
so i will step-back.. and re-cord... what i see happen-ing... in-side all of us.
in-side the Male. and every Male. in all history.
-
...Today:
...its the-boy!
...he enters..
...he approaches the queen..
-
my in-sides get 'Tite. . . i feel myself ch-oke. . . cuz i knnnow! he wants nothing-2-do with Her.
-
He is 'the-last' i wood expect to SEE -HeRE-
kneeling b4 a queen.
-
-
so i keep myself hidden... and raise the re-corder.
hope-ing to catch what he will say...
-
-
the-boy wants you to knoe: . . Dear Queen... (.the boy is shaking all-over terribly.)
Please dont Hurt my Friend.
Please Let Him Go.
-
I dont KNOW what you are doing to him.!
-
Please dont Kill Him...
How Come He wont talk to Me.? is he dying?
will he get better.?
-
Pleez Let him go... Pleeez!
(...click.) -
- - it was here that i stopd the re-cording.
and just sat...
waiting for the moments to end.
-
the same Arm that had grip-d me so strongly in years gone-by.
was now trembling... clasping desp-aratly to me..
to help me get him... away from the queen.
-
........ ...
.... mmm...
mmmhu!
mmmhu.
fffff
-
what horrible emotions flood me now. . . what was it...
what was it i saw...?
-
i had to let this sink... n.2.me.
what did i just see? - - then came....
A-lot of heart-searching.
-
and one thawt:
(.-.)
please.please.
never do that again.
NEVER put that out
on screen.
again.
-
females may wonder at it. may-be happy to see it.
but a male cant BE exposed like this.
its deep-est meen-ings.
-
it was all to-much 4me.
-
Im shut-ting down.
-
i see now what im doing to my best friend.
-
(.next comment.)
do you know ? why people LAFF.?
cuz they see somthing is not-RITE.
cuz part is out-of-place...
-
THATs What makes it 'funny.'
- - Have you ever seen someone LAFF.
cuz somthing was RITE.? . . Nope. .
and why?...cuz Evil makes men happy.
good-things dont.
- Truth dosnt ticcle people.
...so why look for truth.?
. am i evil too.?. - Even in your Po-Em.
i sensed a Witch, a Wore. and adultery. (.if not the spirit.) -
what sort of people follow son-god.?
sinners, harlots, theives.
-
who was the best soul-winner.?
his deciples?
nope.
a woman at a well.
she had-had five-husbands... and a new man is with her -NOW-.
she got ALL her town inter-rested in son-god.
but his deciples... cood only think of fish!.
not people.
-
so what good are idiots...? (.um.i.meen...deciples.) -
only this:
:::he.loved.them.:::
-
thats where i get 'my' value. . . . when i know son-god... loves to have me.
-
only-then..
do i get2 WANTing a girl...
for the Rite re-sons.
-
and now im back-ing off.
cuz i dont under-stand. what im doing... what it will-do.2 the-boy.
i need examples to follow.
i see none.
-
i see plenty.
but they are all bad.
-
there is nothing to LEEN-On.
.
(.next comment.)
EyE-Ch-A-IN-s...
my heart has no protection.
so evil goes straight for
the eyes.
-
Blind your opponent...and the rest of the war is easy.
-
and you can see what it does to people all around.
instantly control-ing them.
-
musicK is a power-full force2
-
so i try to avoid it.
-
at-least i can shut it off.
- but a woman is different. -
im getting warnings from you and from all-over...
that women can 'control' you.
-
going straight for the eyes! if possible.
-
a lite-thing to a woman.
but deva-stating to a man.
-
the chains go rite in one eye.. and out the other.
-
and after i saw the-boy weeping b4 a queen i knew... i must shut-off the pictures.
-
i HATE this whole boy-girl study. and streem-8
cuz it was sposed to ticcle. when all it does is show:
the heart and how bad it is.
may-be how2 protect it.
-
when folks dont WANT protection. they rise up to play.
their heart...has little value to them...
and destroying others is funn.
-
not know-ing that...per-haps the-god who knit them together...
wants to love them so. and watch and stretch and let that poor heart...grow.
- im also aware that man is now 'born' with faults, and evil.
Satan found a way to Father. and no remedy is known... to break...
his control.
- -
and make our hearts... as white as SNOw.
(.that.frozen-blu color.)
that-paper.
clean-enuff to write on.
-no end-
-
May-be it was good to open-Up.
but by-god... as i live and be a man.
i wont let it out again.
- till the great day of god-almighty when all hearts will get ripd-open. -
look around you.!
people want to WAIT...
until to Late.
- damnation in Hell and Graves arnt just popular.
its-bang'N!
- the gates are THunder-Ring
people are pouring threw theM like it was some kind of MASS-EXodus.
- - till what-ever is coming...
has fine-aly....come.
- -
male and female
wont meen a thing...
in that moment. -
(.next comment.)
yes.
i am try-eee-ing
to find some other
words 4-Her be-side:
'queen' and royalty.
-
she is not satisfied.
-
i have no ex-perience. at it so...
give me words.
dis-appoint me. . . cuz then i will have...
plenty of WORDS for you. . . .
but with the same heart. . . ..um,
is that to Male.?
-
(.next comment.)
this year is dedicated... to the-boys.
but this 'girl-boy' study
i dedicate to all Earths children.
to the clay-people.
to know them, and how much
Hope is left in them.
-
a creature that duznot fit-in.
any-more...
Lost and Love(d) by its Maker.
with no way of getting them
back.
-
(sob)
:::i want may-den:::
-
if i cood drop Her into some
Amish-Mennonite oR Intentional commune...where i know she wood have plenty of friends and pressures to do-Rite.
Listen To Your Heart. I hear, I listen. That is ALL. i sea your eyes. i hear your words when you are-nut speaking them. How does any of this feel/think for me? You tink i've ever come close to anyting like/love this before, You tink i can grasp All of this feeling and make total senses of it All?!? Well, i wish i have and i hope i might. i spent many many nights asking/PRAYING for a void to be filled. I feel this void not in my sexlife but at the market, in church-buildings, in groups of long-time friends, between mother-and-children, in sworn marriages, in education. In myself. I look and listen around... ALL around. 'Good is not lost, it is We whom are hiding.' ever heardt that before? My challenge is to come out of hiding...and yes...i have a vagina...and let me tell You...it's a great one. Never a disease, miraculously functional, very pretty and quite nice...hear...have a look. You Know, Iam More than that too. Who'd ever believe that? Butt it is True. In some alien-ating way I have this urge to give You what I have. What I have is powerfull. Want to know the secret to my power? (Iamnot afeared to give it) "Give it away" --yah, i was afeared you couldn't believe that either. try it-not with me. Give to your boys...give it to my bouys...please...you R-Good at it. Great: in fact. Oh you sweet dear person-a. Put the differences aside for a moment/minute/lifetime. i will fight for what i believe in. i will fight for You if that is what you need. (i hear no cause to fight only need to surrender)
TRUST: I need to feel that with you. TRUTH: You speak it. FAITH: My heart will beat again. The Sun should rise. There are taxes to pay. Some day i may die. (I Now choose where I place my Faith, where I make my Peace, how I give my Love.) Very very person-al.
My Relationship with my Will is closely related. I can-nut see Him through You. I see You through Him. Makes no anyhow difference to me...You see. Because in my mind You are Him, sow are my Trees, the Air, the Rock, the Electricity causing my fragile Heart to want to Explode , but stays Complete.
Let me apologize for my delays now. For my in-ability to speak-up. For my wanton. (REad how you Will) I wanted to come to your place. To show you appreciation. To hand you my heart. To share my dreams and wishes. To stimulate your mind and energize your body. I want that in a very bad-way. I wante-d that^^^. I thought-[past=tense]i was being presumptous, voluptous, temptous, and un-lady-like. Sow I didn't want to reap that. Keish? :-) Now I now what is need. I knew-not...that I loved you. I knew-not...how2loveU. Oh I-new how to L-O-V-E. U: now-I-know that is a different type of story. A Love Story. You C I let go in hopes that A path might ap-ear again. Something More Honest. Less Force. Allthough Now i see that Force might have done the trick. Please Sea that i use no tricks. i have them, yes. Am i 'a trick'? May--U sea how offensive that makes me. A world that is full of deception, falseness, shame<<< All gone Now! "It Is What It Is." Feel that. It Is OK! Let your Boys Know! Let them Sea how to Read through the lies, Hear the Truth, And cast doubt aside. That is Power. Bouys need/love power. Still love. I love it!
"and if i submit to her... i can see them... and know them.. L-earn them... and feel them... . she is just trying to help me by be-ing herself... even if it twists me badly.
-
she can heaR my screems and gush-ings..but can-not see why..oR how somthing so good ..wood hurt a male."
In submission to You: Can you hear my screams, gushings, hurts? Do you know how my chest aches and my stomach twists and my mind warps in attempt to find You, feel You, SEE You? Iam afeared that you do-nut know/care what you do to Me. Very...very slowly I find hope that You Do. IF YOU DO NOT...then you truely are evil. If that is what it is...that is OK too. for you can only be what you are. the Holy-Wood only lasts for so-so-long, then it RET-urns to its nature-state. every day, all the time, always and everywhere. :-)
Now...please know, i wood meet you anywhere (half-way is always best) Now...please understand, if i thought for a moment that any of this was untrue, well, i would not be hear. I have my way of 'KNOWING', sow do you. (two?) Now...please realize that the co-mputer isnotwurking 4 me. All-though the telephono is also co-mputer...You Know what? Fuk dis...i just want to hold your hand. thats it! alright? IM sick of crying and IM tired of wondering day and night. Besides... RET girls do-nut belong on electronical useless devices. We hate them! We throw them out the buggy window and then have the stampede fix em'. Our dildos are WOOD. (there i said it-deal with it) -- More to cum. Wish I cood do more right Now! butt I need to go cook something.
Peace In Left Off...
{all--right-just click 'send' now---let Good-Nature work out the kink- ohhhhh...i do luv it!!}
-- Sow i push 'send' and spend the next 30 minutes fighting with these archaic pieces of machinery, sitting next to teenagers trying to soak in the meanings of the universe. -- not sure how much better this can get. lead by example has seemed to work best. -- Fine-Tuning is a Gooder technique than quitting. -- Success!! -- The way i'd envisioned it: there are no weeners are losers only the spread-space-dash in between. Satan can believe he is a weener (or looser) because, well, that is FREE WILL. Good-God He never gives up. Even if the minor punctuations might imply so. Eternity is...well..limitless. please stand under that and feel pleased. -- Have I shown You that I love U today, tomorrow, in commercial, and in doubt. That is what I need for You. -- Friend? -- [{{you can't be friends with boy, he just wants to split you up the middle and cause you pain. make you work for it and then say you didn't do it good enough. all his failures cum from your vagina. all your failures make the world weak and untrustworthy. don't type him anything just accept the pain and work-on}}]-- sweet-little-lies-little-girl
-- deer-child, there are liars and liars there are deceivers and deceived there are shamefull and shamed All of these will cower in comparison to your beauty. --
Ms. You Love You Need-Plant-Plant-Seed Iam sure that This-That is so huGe! Iam hoping Ican hand-le It. Healthy S.sHe.art <3 will be Reddy Soon. Take Care. Bee-Kind REt-Wind.
I'm guessing... by now I feel like an old comment. I hope All is Well. She must be a lucky woman. No one does it better than me. You won't forget that. I will, however carry on. As I sometimes do. I need to share how strange I think it is that something this powerful can be so easily taken for granted. Granted. Wishes. Dreams.
Oh Love...what now? When your guts spill I feel alive again. What do I give in RETurn? stupidity (and whatever else I possibly can) Reading your master-piece, the things I want to say...oh God, what I want to do. I started to write months ago Now, and began to realize just how HUGE this THING really is...For Me. I have decided to take it slow and make it last. We';ll be finished when we're finished. And I'm not gonna give you some half-ass piece. I really want to start with that. I really really do. Something nice and filthy. Send you back to your drawing board to create that position. I just don't have it in me (haha) I'm not sure what you'll think of me in the morning. I really don't want to lose you. Though I'm hoping that my hesitation hasn't lost you ...again. I'd rather keep your friendly repect than lose you to my (up) tight pussy. Cat. Meow. Women.
[Ex-sert-In) What do women want? creativity, natural attraction, romance, to be admired, adored, submitted to, and then respected in weakness. This is so subjective and I stand firm in that I have never been wo-men. I can only be wo-man. I guess some women want a girlfriend. Person-a-lee I prefer boy-friends that are not big babies and give me respect without having to kick em in the...nutz. And if per-chance we are blessed-able to go Balling all over the the place (like a fairytale will)...well then God is Good. --
Is it wiser to love or to be loved? I love him but he doesn't love me. He loves me but I don't love him. He loves her but I love him. He loves me but I don't love her. I love myself but I don't love me.
Love can cause wars as well as stop them. If you are In-Love there is no time for war.
"How will I ever tend the farm when all I want to do is keep my arm around YOU.?" []
- i printed them and take take them to heart...with me. -
i got no time-window for a computer ...now but this 'one' came up.
love and hate need water and corn...
and its a time of big-steps4me.
-but to let may-den know... i will say it now... her words still burn brightly with me now.
that includes polygamy, which you have corrected me on these 'three' times noew.
i heed you.(cuz it hurts)
i heed you well.(cuz you warn) and i obey.
-you are a good Rib for me. (heart protection)
- (.more.) i didnt have time to 'think' i just 'typed' this one. - i love you. you are beautiful to me. with eyes that cannot see. - and for one moment i can see the-lion again. such long-eyes he has. for me... for you. - he likes you an awful-lot (two) not >3.
- He feels safe with you.
- as i do...this day.
- as i do...this day! -
words i remember from may-den: (but altered here to say them back to you:)
I love you Today, I love you Tommorrow. I love you in... all my doubts.
- water and corn is a big hunt4me. but when-if winter\heat comes...
im... im....(out of time) im thinking on you. (kisses)
weeds308.txt - - - - v3-25-08: to be busy investing in tommorrow -IS- true-ly thinking of today, and filling it to its fullest.
people forgot how to HAVE funn. they live-off new methods! chop down the apple tree, and everybody gets more apples faster!
ita a no-future world. debt-slaves. Ret-surviving. no-sons.
- and now its today! forget the mess cars caused.
time to...
pick up whatever is left:
people need their water and greens and seeds and gods.
you need to find them.
birds are a good-example. (.always.pointing.2.good.things.)
people are a bad-example. a strange money-system now tells them what to teach.say.do. mis-giding.only cuz it pays.
this perverted schooling, drug-advice, credits, exams. licences, etc.
i want maydn2know shes... more than this... but how?
they control everybody!
-
wait...
there is a Ret-turn even for you... even for your heart.
your teacher will be: creatures and methods that havnt changed.
not in a 1,000 years.
out-law houses: houses built without contractors. are rising everywhere. www.strawbalecentral.com
-
who are the leaders: serv-ants tell me what is good42do:
locate local-grown foods. trade local-made items for food. learn to make them. support (in-curage) activity.
the money is no good! learn2trade.
- (.more.) if government WANTS 90% of its population dead...list the methods: contaminate: schools ,drugs,sex,flu-shots foods, money-systems.
the world-empire: Rome Sweet Rome.
common-sense is now banned! (.out-laws.) cuz sense can tell you: you dont drink from a pool unless you know its source. no matter what the pakage says.
where are these foods coming from? what happened along the way? why are grapefruits grown in california stamped with a 'Texas' sticker?
why do health-officials want me taking this or sticking it under my tongue. who are these people.? is it really ALL... for the money?
-
benjamin-franklin said it is the rite of all citizins to 'question authority'.
when movie-actors become presidents and govenors...you know its a show.
someone is running a remote.game. wearing a 'shel' of what 'was'. to hide what 'IS'.
but if gov WANTs to de-populate.. think: pre-lubricated condoms. (.be very suspecious of that.) what an easy-way to spred virus.! and each user is blaming the other. instead of the problem. cuz no1knew.
try fake-debates like pepsi vs. coke. to get people to avoid the REAL question: shood i be drinking this stuff in the first place!
- (.more.)
Heirlooms are foods that have bin grown in the family for generations...suddenly hybrids and kids coming home from school got better things to do.
totaly trashing a heiratage...
god forgive them not! they murdered my hopes!... that my community mite have children with a strong bond with earth plants and water.
broken by greed. and leeving a future of kids who will be scratching-for-life itself. (.name-ly-us! ...rets.) cuz you left us with NOTHING to follow... kids that follow gov.get: med-poisoned. and a money-system that cant buy beans!
cuz its 'rigd'.
rigd meenz:able2 change as-they pleez. to cause recessions, depressions, gain-control of assets, gide people to sale there property, children, tribes.
get into agreements they 'cant' pay4. credit,g.e.d.,grants, scholarships. make them beleive they deserve it.
-
(.more.) dont be content with farmers who only 'half' use gasoline. move them to take the next step.
beware programs that take a step in the rite direction... and two steps back!
-
i like hear-ing about CSA.
CSA: a method of farming started by japan-women? who wanted to get food 'direct' from the grower instead of the market.
the farmer is incouraged cuz he knows now what to plant, what will sale, and local-people are investing in his work.
ask people: what wood you buy\trade...if i planted it? collect your investers. let people know they have a part.
-
(.more.) schools and money 'were' use-full. when old-methods of living controled their value. 1940's ?
but now, the opposite is true: schools and money wont let old-methods survive.
this 'always' happens when: [.wealth-changes-the-people.] they become rich... they loose-site of old-ways they become poor 'inside'..(.lazy and choked.)
they want to keep the new life-style... but not the-way they got it.
so they must use schools and money to do evil. to keep rich, without needing to go back to old-ways.
-
its like an alcoholic who can no-longer pay for what his money started.
so he must do more evil...to keep drunk.
-
i hope i said somthin girlz 'need'2know...? rite..-NOW-.
-
(.more.)
my wealth began...when i knew son-god loves to have me... and promises to work these things out.
till man-kind is done? messing up.
-
and he has a place in this mess he wants 'me' to have.
no matter how sorry it is... its for me, its from him,
-
else is less.
-
i got to many choices!
pick-ing only ones son-god wants for me... is again...another miracle.
dont let good-things Rob you of time with Best-things.
things you want to write. things you want another generation to find.
may it be wonderful. may it be me.
-
somthing Rets can hold on to.
-
(.more.) things maydn is to me. to help me make sure i do-do what i shood do..all of the above.
she listens to all my extreems. she brings balance. she gives peace.
-
...(...)
- details:
she listens to all my extreems: she knows im all messed up... she puts up with it! she corrects what she can.
i know other plants need her. i wonder why she stops for me. sometimes i think im growing... and going... just for her.
- details:
she brings balance: i keep telling her... love needs water and corn. or it wont grow.
but she jumps around it and show me how water and corn need love!... or they wont grow either.
- details:
she gives peace. the male is let loose... (.cut free inside.) to adorate her. to shower her with praises and kisses.
(.where-ever she wants them.)
to comb her hair with words. and love her. (.as best i can.)
.
i have none to do this to... and that is wrong to say... cuz i dont want her held by gilt oR greed.
.
i want her to be free...
.
the modern-machines do not allow that.for her. for me.
.
but since so many are trapped here. on a machine.
its good for me to type now.. and maybe...
ReT-turns many back... to what shood be.
and point the way... and make a place for them whoo flee.
-world without end-
.
-
(.more.) I found-ate bread without flour! sprouted wheat-berries. no-bake, no work, more value!.
-
I hear an Amish prayer... at meal-time every day.
but said so often. i doubt they think what it says.
but for here and now. it is very valueable:
- -
Unsr Fatr M.himl. Heilig Sei dei Namau.
Dei Villa geshay hin Erde es V.M.Himl.
Gibt Uns heit unsr tagly Brod Und fagiva Uns Unsr Shuldig V.mir onry leit Fagiva doon.
Und herdy uns net hin fas'hung Avah eredin Uns fun Ebil.
Fa dein is da kaynig-reich und graft und ery fa immer und avyig-keit. omen.
www.chick.com - -
translation: Our Fathre which art in Heaven Hallowed be thy Name. THy kingdom come, thy will be done. inn earth as it is in Heaven.
give us this day our daily bread. and forgive us our debts as wer forgibe our debtors.
and leed us not into temptation. but deliber us from evil. for thine is the kingdom and poer and glory forever and ever. Amen.
- -
-
i want maydn to know i pray for you often. and the-Ret-boys.
cuz one son-god... still prays for me.
-
the queen is the most powerful peace on the chess-board. and she must be free.. to choose.
..to not let 'good' block her from 'best'
.
-
(.more.)
sometimes...in the woods.. i wish maydn cood know.. she is my heart-protection.
many things i dont do-think anymore...cuz of her.
my fantasies fail. cuz she is more. and better for me.
cuz im not writting for self. im writing cuz i got somthing to love.
whereas b4..destroying self... was my only pleasure...cuz... i didnt feel... loved.
but now... wow!
feelings flow. heart-aches. pain and teers. cuz a cold heart woke up.
senses open: i notice flowrs and grass and bugs all seem deeply rich...beautiful.
nature. colors. shapes! all active. ... around the hills and bushes i list-n,
later i took note: 'everything is attracted to somthing!'
just as strongly as the boy who finds images to lust at...so do these crazy plants all around me find strong sensation to reach out! a wild sense of desires. a flood of feeling spin up-down these plants, and... i never admited to it! ???
but i can hear there songs and screems! just fine now...wheeeel!
even the painful urges of pine-nuts... and grass seeds, i can hear! the desire to grow to be useful... to love... to be love.d
to not be destroy.d.
-
i think... i dream...
for one day...
they will get their wish.
-
and the strange songs that humans once knew.
will play again.
-
like a music-box.. slowly springing to life.
sofly.
up threw the trees...
up into blue skys.
precious notes...
sweet smells and sounds. local-made.
and never-made to be forgotten.
-no end-
-
..(.more i added later:
if 60-years is like 60-minutes...
i wood like to spend...
a half-hour telling the Earth
'How Beautiful May-den is to Me.'
and then...
listening...
to nature...
in its many ways...saying:
How True.
How True.
-
(.next comment.)
Her Words are Power. she says 'Cum Now.' and the lion obeys instantly.
drip-ing...spill-ing.
...hm? he never did that 4me. what else can a queen command? she cood stop my heart. but i sense maydn wood not.
she steps closer to me than... i ever wanted a female to be.
blocking a pass-age that i... su-pose... nee-ded... to be blocked anyway. she is care-full. and i..(sob) cant ever forgive her4that.
-
(.next comment.)
on a more 'sensible note':
a succesfull hunt into a new-territory left me bursting with fresh ideas and desires to get organized.
i can-nut tell you how good it is to date everything you find. and store it by-date.
cuz you can re-list parts that are different subjects...all on one paper...without moving any-thing.
so i got musick-notes all jumbled up with shelter-drawings.
and it dont matter cuz its all by-date...as-it-happened.
as it shood be.
the mind needs to stop drawing and start singing somtimes...
so maybe things stored by-date are more deeply correct than by-subject than you can imagine.
InI trust that the information that is shared here will be used to its ability and flown in the correct direction. -- the word verification code just happens to be "Zyaon". --Coincidence: some would not believe, maybe care
Not for me to preach. Not in me to missionary. Examples is what DR J(jesus) is All about.
InI have been thinking about "stream 8" and how much I have grown to love it. or maybe it has grown and I love it
8 is forever and 6 is love.
1 8 6 or 1 6 8
interesting, these physical symbols. representation. hm
In review of 2006: my love of information has brought me so close-r to you.
ah! This stuff flows out and it scares the BG's out of me. that could be a good or bad thing depending on how close you are understanding next to me.
Now...I am hoping (have been hoping) for this HEAR vision to take root. I wood like to help in whatever way I can and still keep my clothes on in public. Unless, of course, we are visiting a nudist colony...then I still wear panties. ok? ok. (besides diseases, stuff can get uncomfortable to my uncalloused parts) Now...to help achieve goals I wood like to avoid speaking directly to you HERE, though i probably will have a hard time with that. Now...that we are on speaking terms, (again-SORT OF) i feel comfortable with speaking to others about this...um...stuff.HERE There is a WHOLE lot lot lot here. And, more, detail, and , attention, is needed to clear this Water Up. and RE-new the exstreamly valuable ideas and feelings that have been recorded here. I am glad however that some (not All) of the original recordings were lost due to some indiscretion on my part and...heehee..yours. Do-nut worry, you may in-de-scretion with me anytime. next time rate yourself for this D-rated world.
i luv you...You sex-god!
iam excited to be invited to participate hear. Tell them boys that. ok? For the girls...feel free...to tell them boys anything you like. Do-nut be afeared or a-shamed. Stand up and hold your posture to the heavens...it is pertinent to your health. Let them see you sweat. And never say never ...Unless you really meen it and are tired of being told what to do.
love 8 --
...more to come by in the future in warmer places. this winter has been damn cold
Mr. Dee-U-AR-aDamnAmazingMan Let us sea eachother in the future. For Now, I just want... to look at you...naked.
problem: this post planed for galeeb tells where maidens xanga is.
Hip-g408.txt - - - - v4-1-08,3pm: to be busy investing in maydn -IS- true-ly thinking of today, and filling it to its fullest: (.boy-moves.girl2love.)
this part is a xanga 'message'
questions:
tell others about xanga.com\xxx_gxxxtic ?
send you pictures??? use zoomshare.com?
phone-call you...?
havnt pickd a number yet. (.a house no one is using.)
a post-office box? general delivery?,
use friendship-names like: 'rain-cloud' cuz im always collecting water, or watering seeds.
why so secret? cuz everything you do or say... will-be used against you. thats how bad it is. cops wont even tell you that anymore. (.they were supposed to.)
why so secret? cuz your valuable to me. (best peace on the chess-board.)
no identification. cuz we both carry valuables that effect the future of people.
we can stay anonymous. cuz i love you.
we dont need screw-ups.
we live in a war zone. always list possibilities.
-
-end of 'message'
original start:
mood: watchful. willing, but why maydn?
(.next comet.) see stars?
very upset...to leev the woods.
the wild, the-boy...just a moment? for what? . . . just to look at a stupid girl?. (.type to her.) why?.. (.do.it.)...you need her.
your heart is in her hands... . . . she's bin writing on it. waiting for it to beat...
(.come to her.) . . .
-
yikes! (nervous+upset)
...o.k. ...o.k.
i will go home...
just for 30min...
but i wont like it!..? im happy out here: (.galeeb.blogspot.com.) me and th-boy were just about to... . . (.never-mind.) go....just4a-bite. -
(.next comment.)
um...xanga.com\xxx_gxxxtic is my home...my-den.
-
maydn built it. cuz she wants me home...
so..
i come to h-ere. to look at her.
she's like a gem in the night. the moon hits her and makes all my characters-istics.. oh-peer.
wanting.. to grow...to play.
she hurts my eyes.
she' lets me... search my heart...and love. by loving her.
-
(.next scene.)
i wanted to add a few straw-bale rooms and furnish the place with some deep earth-ee architecture.
and pleez-you with the wild window-work.
and walls mud-plastered with y-'our own hands..
(.i hope you like it.) what a site!
((.when.dreems.flow.))
-
(.more.)
.
so i come home to admire the improooove-ments. . admire the living-rooms . and getn-n2 the kitchen. (.b4.you.can.stop.me.)
it all looks great! and tasty too.
-
(.next comment.)
i searched and listened: to a shelter slowly becoming a home: full of activ-ties!
-
but...i feel bad about... the bed-room, cuz..
::::to much! buzzing::::
it sounds like a... bee-hive in there...
maydn's words got everythings to hot and... boun-c-eey...in there.
i cant even think!
-
(.th-father speeks:)
i dont like this. these other rooms need her attention too.
she NEEDS to live: with a farm-family. and maybe stay with a few. to know how her heart-house shood look\act...
-
and do NOT wait for a... 'group-survival situation.' cuz its too late, when things get... that.. bad.
-
so i decided to go into the bedroom and see if i cood stop her!
(..and before the walls stop shaking + fall apart.)
-
i open the doors and...
all becomes still as a mouse...
i looked around... everything looked neet and tidy.
-
maydn was on the bed... layd-back..licking her fingers ...watching the fields and clouds threw the windows...
-
but i found the big lion... all cow-er'in the corner, terribly frite'nd and breething2hard.
with Paws crossed over his balls, like he coodnt take any more of this.
-
the quiet-ness in the room was fine. the hard breething was NOT.
fffff
i took a deep-breath (.dis-content.) and qwi-etly left the room.. and closed the doors...(.click.)
-
after five minutes...
thump.thump.thump. the walls started Rumbl-ing again... and home was the same-old.. bizzy bee-hive again.
-
(.more.)
i sat down to think about this...
(.th-father speeks.)
she has a-girl, a-sister, a-mother,
with-in herself...
and you know it! cuz.. when you look at her... you see yourself: th-boy, th-brother, and...me.
why dont you try feeding maydn some of these other heart-parts,(.with words?.)
wash her, comb her hair with some. make the smells excite her. let her know she is ALL these things to you.
-
...i cant..(.i said.) i want to be with th-boy, i understand him. and he hates her... i dont even know why i came home. . . . -
(.closing comment.)
time-spent-typing! priceless-time oh my poor step-stone!
. well i 'hope'... i wont type like this again. nor be-led' to 'play-house' with a girl like this again.
i just needed to try it. it was somthing-new. and i hold it deer.(.by the neck.)
but im hanging up my sign: 'pleez dont feed the-lion.'
i need my girl strong. (.all.heart-parts.of.her.)
-
(.more.)
about home: (.xanga.com\xxx_gxxxtic.)
maydn...um. your words...soon... sink..in.. (.all-nite-holding them.)
pleeez!
watch what you 'say' good-ness me! watch what you'do!
watch what you WRITE on the h-e-arts! and me.
um.um.buti deep-heartd the words you used to describe parts of a man, it helps me know what you look for.
but pleez...dont. have pity.
it.hurts.people. makes them fall. your-reechz.must heel.. not hurt. .. - your words stain. and dosnt cum off! ::::I love you maydn::::
pleez protect my step-stone. no more hurt. dont send th-lion into heavy heart-throbing.
cuz inside...he's just a kitten. you dont need to re-mind him how much he is yours... or do you?
-
we live and 'hang' by your words.
for thou art queen.
-no end-
- - dont reed past this line. - -
-
-
i guess you are reeding...
so...
(.next comment:more hurt.)
. . i do... i meen i'did... i meen i'wont again..(.i'hope.) think about maydn's..um..her.. 'other parts.'
i call her sister and so... i call her 'brat'.
i guess thats a start.
cuz..
the-brother in me needs to do that...(.get.fed.) iAm an emotional creature too!...?
-
i dont know where to start this... this is... different... this is home: xanga.com\xxx_gxxxtic:
its a study>?...experiment? but this is maydn...a reel girl. and a queen... i..um...
i dont want to be...
:::? embarassing..me.mess-up?
(.hey.she dosnt care!.just try.)
..o.k....o.k.. one...one-time:
just to taste it...
i want to feed maydn a little of what farm-family life is like, or what to look for...
i guess...for here and now... the best www.link wood be to find... (.pleez.dont.laff.)
some of those winnie-the-poo stories.. and just live-with-them for a-while... you will find the characters..(not mine) stimu-lating to the 'air' our.home...
shood have.
-
(.more.)
im still thinking of maydns deepest EMO-needs...(.why me?,why her?.) .which a guy shood-not even think-of. un-less he wants to be a goose-brain.
-
the food her 'hear-t-parts' pant for. so she can live and sing well.
-
when she looks at me? duz she see them? those parts, or is it just me? when i look at her.
-
i reely (.just once?) want to feed th-sister.. my bride.. my friend?..th-girl...
but..!..?
if th-boy hates the-queen... will.th-girl hate the-King?
(she wont appreciate my moves on her) thats why im not sure i even... want to do this.
-
buu..t, a home is a place of:
exodus 20+40: prayers(.mother-may-i.) ,praises(songs),eating(health), doing(chores), and accepting? good things. (.will you 'let' a farm-family accept you?) -
so i began.. sir-ching for... what is.. deeply...um... girl-hood! ? maiden-hood?
yet...somthing... that
can hold messages for...a RET-girl. (.th-girl i want her to be.)
i know Reggae-Musick sometimes has a serious 'message' to share.
but NOT what girl-hood needs...?
and i final-ee, cho-z. (.pleez dont laff.)
i final-ee choo-ze to feed may-den with 'straw-berry short-cake girl' stuff. (.those cartoon books,) her strawberry-world is pleezing to me... her songs have 'messages' worth flowing from a wood-b-queen.
winnie-the-poo does too.
both are deep-ly agricultural in tone. (.if my queen and mistress will allow me to take her hands that wauy.)
.from 2002..? maybe these characters have changed... (.being used by new artists+new goals.)
winnie the poo:tigr,eor,piglet,rabit, strawberry:orange-blossom,ginger-snap,huk?
-
yikes! what am i doing? im reeching for you maydn...trying to touch parts of you i do-not-know....for sure. you-have?.
im also excite-ing a... brother and a father by doing this... (.the ones that appear when.. i look at you...)
-
let me turn my eyes away from you... for my heart can stand no more... (.no more chek-ups.)
th-boy is just...relly angry rite now. and me and him got stuff2do... you are dis-trac-ting us.
-
::::i love you maydn:::: i try not to look at you when i say that... cuz i got stuff2do. (.step-stone stuff.)
but then...you are apart. people use me to step to places... never imagined.
- and i guess... i can... love you for that.'
-
um.
-
i will close this with some of the strawberry-songs. - home is where things grow better. home is where maydn wants me. home is where i shood be. i know this.
just let me fite it. -
(.now.the.songs:)
bery3-08.txt - - - - v3-30-08,5pm.music-words from strawberry-shortcake-girl casset 2001. paper includes extra features.(add here?)
spirit:songs that praise seasons, help me when nothing else can. history:atleest two other times 2007 notes for this were written. this time i focus on the song-words, filling parts i misd with each new pass.
(2x) straw-ba-ba. ba-berry. ... I know a girl, (...) and there is no one sweeter. she's got that special touch. ... best friend in the world.(...) and when you meet her... you will-love-her very' much. ... (.do'in.fine.) (.grow'in.better.all.the.time.) ... ooooh-ooooh. straw-ba-ba. ba-berry. ... she's cool. she's fun. she'll leed the way. ... (2x) straw-ba-ba. ba-berry ... that-girls so-sweet. just'like her name. so ba-ba-berry extrordin-din-dinary she's straw-ba-ba. ba-berry.'short-cake.' ... -end- ... next is her descriptions of s-b land, her home, her favorite room: the kitchen. other rooms she names talents for...? ...
- - work-together: ... -start- ... (chorus:) work-together, if we..work together... that'll help the-job-get-done-cuz when we.. work-together, when we..work-together, it makes the job a zillion-times more fun. ... see th bevers-dam, on the rivers-span.. it goes faster if they dont work alone. ... and the honey-bee, wood get lone-ly, if he had to make the honey-on-his own. (.he.dosnt.tho.) ... (chorus) ... every job depends upon the other. team-work helps you hit' the highest-score. find a naybr sister friend or brother. and soon you job wont seem a chore. ... all you need alot...to suceed alot... is remember the special part each one plays. cuz the more you do...brings good luk2you. ...***(missd)
(chorus) ... when we..work together..we make the work a zillion, a super-million times more-fun. ... -end-
- - jam-in: ... pre-words: spring is lost? but spring has to come...! ...? ... -start-
spring if your there, pleez give me a sign. look'in ahed, look'in be-hind. ***(.misn.?) ... chorus: jam-in. jam-in. straw-berry jam-in. were goin'a keep on jam-in. jam-in. jam-in. straw-berry jam-in. were goin'a keep on jam-in. **? were look'in for spring... and were jam-in ... hey butter-fly, flutter'n on by, lookin down low, lookin on high. looking for a bee, high up in a tree. lookin for a bird, who'll give us a word. ... were look'in for spring... and were jam-in ... (chorus) ... spring if your neeR, please make a sound. listen'n all over, look'n around. lookin for a sprout, thats happy to be out, lookin for spring and were jam-in ... (chorus)
-end-
- - zing-in-spring:
pre-words: spring says:come-on play lets have fun. old-man-winter says:she brings warm breezes and sunshine to the many lands. strawberry:How are you going to bring spring to all the many lands? and quickly.!? spring: i have a special dance, a special call, and a very special magic-wand. deuda_m: uhh, i dont want to GUESS what those are. ...
-start-
(.chorus-one:) i know how to bring spring, oooh-ooh-ooh i do. i give my majic-wand a fling oooh-its true! ... i tell the wind dont blow so cold, winter days are growing old. (.bye.)
(.chorus-two:) i put the zing. in spring. i put the zing. in spring. ice is nice but springs the thing. i put the zing. in spring. ... (.chorus-one) ... i tell the meadow no more brown. grow grass go to town. ... (chorus-two) (chorus-one) ... i tell the sunshine harder now. let the earth be fully plowd. ... (chorus-two) i put the zing. in. 'she puts the zing in.' i put the zing in. ...in spring.
-end-
- - all-how-you:
-start- ... there are two sides to everything there opposites you see. ..***one is up and one is down? qwite different ways to be. ... (chorus:) cuz its all how you look at it, all how you look at it, its all how you take it in, all how you take it in. be the one who see's the cheerfull side ..**? the one who bee's the cheerful eyes. ... (.other voice.) i used to be the one who took, i never wood give back, now i lernd to be a friend, and now i never*** lack. ... (chorus.)
one is up and one is down qwit different ways to be, i used to be the one...*** ... (chorus)
one is glum and one is fun, **qwit different ways to be??? i used to be...*** ... (chorus)
-end-
- - thats-imagination:
pre-words: stawberry:we dont need to go on a big trip, we can have fun rite here in my living room! others say together:how? ... -start-
imagination lets you go on every sort of trip, you can be the captain of a giant pirate ship, travel to the farthest stars, venus,neptune,saturn,mars, galactic-stuff inside of jars. thats imagination. ... (chorus:) you can find it everywhere, in you mind and in thin air, find a dream that you can share. (.echo:you can share.) thats e-magi-na-tion. ... imagination helps you out when you are feeling board. a spoon,a lid, a frying-pan, to play another cord. ***?
(chorus) ... imagination makes the world a fasinating place, write a story,beat a drum, or draw a funny face. every word in every book, every *** step you took, dress up in a fasion look. thats imagination.
(chorus)
-end-
- - friendship-grows:
pre-words: ???
-start- find a patch of e***less room, plant a seed and watch it bloom. give it water give it sun, grow'ing plants is so much fun. ... (.chorus:) friendship grows, like a flower, friendship grows, like a flower,
friendship grows, by the hour, way up high like a tower, like a flower friend ship gro-ws, like a flower friend ship grows.
... like that seedling in the ground, nourish all the friends you found, give them lafter show you care, let them know your always there. ... (chorus) ... treat each new friend with respect, love them always and protect. every friends a friend to keep, plant your friendships very deep. ... (chorus) ... -end-
- - Holiday-land.
-start- (.chorus:) holiday-land, oh the fun of the season, holiday-land, where 'giving's the reson, holiday-land, is a place full of joy. a place full of GOOD things, for each girl and boy. ... alternates: for each pony and horse. a land full of good things, a land FuLL.. of-joy. ... look what grows..*** *** by me a gift we'll celebrate! ... (.chorus.) ... on every street...*** meet? ... (.chorus.) ... every nite the stars shine brite, with a hope for peace, and*** forevermore. *** ... (.chorus.with alternate:) holiday-land, oh the fun of the season, holiday-land, where 'giving's the reson, holiday-land, is a place full of joy.
a land full of good things, a land FuLL.. of-::::joy::::
-end-
- - friends:
pre-words: strawberry: o-no! the presents is ruined! huk: what matters is we are together, xmas is about love, not about presents. ... -start- ... there are al-l kinds of pr-e-esents of every shape and size. but the present i like best, is better than a prize. ... It has NO special wra-aping its not in a store. It-is the gift of 'Friendship', and is well worth waiting for. ... (.chorus:) 'FRIENDS' hold your hand. 'friends' make you smile. they are always there for you.(echo) friends make life worth while. ... ther-er are some kinds of preh-esents with costs that are quite high. But the present i like best, you never have-to buy. ... It comes with-out a Reh-ib-bin it comes without a Bow. It is the gift of 'FRIENDSHIP'... the-finest-gift i know. ... (.chorus.) ... There is ooh-'ONE' kind of pre-esent that i will always keep. To be with me for-ev-ever... Even-as-I-sleep. ... it has no pai*-n-ting, it has no cover-Art. it is the gift of 'FRIEND-ship'. and it stays here in my HearrT!... ... (.chorus.)
(.comment:) i think of maydn a-lot when i hear that song.
strawberry:when you give a gift... you have to think about that person, and what that-person wood like.
example:strawberry got a qwilt with pictures of all her friends on it. she said: how wonderful it will be to always have my friends around me.
-no end-
- - spring-time.
(.comment.) this song has a flute! playing the-tune even before the song starts...which gets you singing it, even-b4 you hear the words. ... actualy, all these songs sound good without-words... when you know the tune. is maydn that way too? can i learn her'Tune.' even if she isnt saying the words? ...
pre-words: strawberry: we must get reddy for spring. appledumpling(baby-sister): spring? strawberry: i forgot! you dont KNOW what spring is do you?
birdy-sing time. finaly begun. (.flute.echo.) ... there's a sun-beam in-the meadow.. see it play-ing with the-trees.
there's a lay-zy-day-zy gazing.. at a pair-of BIZZY bees. ... (.chorus.) Spring-time. Spring-time. swoopy-swing-time, any-thing-time.. long-as its fun.
Spring-time. Spring-time. Ring-a-ding ding-time..
Flowe-wrs-Spring time..sweet-as-perfume. Flowers Ring-time, Green is King-time.. Laff-ters and blooms. (.note: this song has a WALTZ beat to it.) ... there's a blu..blu-sky above you.. and the green..green-grass below.. find some friends au-round who love-you.. and you got-all.. you..wish-to.. know. ... Spring-time. Spring-time. jolly..sing-time..nev-ver-a-care.. Spring-time. Spring-time. Sil-ly-sing time.. Rose-ee-ring-time.. wind-in-your-hair.. ... (.no words but same beat:) LA-La LA-LA. LA-La-la LA-La. ... LA-La LA-LA. LA-La-la LA-La. ...
and yes... 'hear'ing these is heart-breaking... the words just dont do it. unless you like 'messages'
(.my comment.)
i was thinkin maydn... if you 'did' get-in to a farm-family.. it wood probly be mennonite. cuz amish are a bit more strict .
but both have lardge-families and this meens lardge-places for when they got visitors.
(.almost always in winter.)
but since i was alone... a LARDGE-place didnt seem rite. so they put you in with a family.
i went when nineteen. and met weekly in a room of 200 people (.all ages.) and none ever went to highschool. (.i was impressed.)
i learned the language. i shood of skipd Hi.S.chool. cuz it wasted time.
blogers say so too. girls said:scared of it and didnt know what H.S. was for!
this is a sad-topic4me... witchcraft flooded the system while i was away too.(books!) they dont even warn the kids that sex 'IS' marriage.
totaly crap-ing their lives so they will float down-streem like dead fish. and i..im.so.(.sob.) (.skip it.)
time is short maydn. its not like you will be in the way. agriculture isnt a... 'job' like you are thinking..
credits,contracts,familiars, degrees,training, fuck-that! your in the country...people reed you differntly...they see 'needs' common-ground. they dont 'wait' for... identification...they eye you. think on terms of survival... and see your needs instantly.. they dont have to 'ask' who are you, what do you want.
they search their own heart... and know.
and besides...they do-it every week...people are the answer, not the problem.. kindness is a habit out on the farms.
and yes... i cood not 'deal' with it, i had a hard time 'accepting' it. (.very hard.) cuz i thut like a city-person.
you know wui-meen?
if someone is 'that-kind.' you dont be-leeve it. but later. you learn2chew on a blade of grass.' and shut-up. stop worshiping them.
you hide your city-feelings. not letting them know how damn-lucky they are, to NOT be sweating it out in some hell-hole city apartment.
-
out here:(.country.) the more workers the more there is to be done! its not like you can get 'layd-off.' more hands meens more food. more food meens more hands needed.
you eat to live and live to eat. thats the rule. no un-employment. totaly NOT the world most teach.
and yes...watching all that food go to city-people who dont even care to visit or help or say thank-you....bothered me...
and then you say... ((Why would someone want me on a farm? Why would someone not call me and say, "hey let's go somewhere together."? What is the big secret? I am beginning to fear falseness. What is the complication? The difficulty?
I am the type of girl that meets prospective suitors in the library... or the grocery store...not online in some scary obtuse fashion. I prefer...let's go see a movie, or...let's go fuck in the corn field.))
i dont know what farm-folk wood think of that last sentence... but i think your getting the idea.
pleez be care-full what you teach me. cuz my step-stone work is you to. and becoming part of your heart-home.
.
-world without end-
- try emypeople.net xanga.com\mennonite_madness -
- and yes...
i like\love EVERYTHING you type.
i just...
take it wrong....
some...times.
-
and when i do, i accept it, cuz i know its you, and thats all that matters.. (.cux.i.love.you.)
-no end-
-
-
(.next.comment.)
other things... bother me in the woods.
i tell you now cuz it bother's me e-nuff times:
that is: did maydn start xanga\xxx cuz of: gendr108 ?
it bothers me. that part that says:'have sex' to keep the male around and keep him attracted to you...um!?
ummm i better hand-l this...
i hope you know other 'parts' of me are attracted to you. not just...th-lion. and THEY get... attracted to you...terribly-much.
cux you let them breeth. (...) they shine for you...(.teers.) they want to grow...(.)
even the-boy likes you, even tho he never in his rite-mind wood admit it:
my NEED to see you... so i can see him.
is always there. (..xo.)
-
....fffff dont...dont make my guts spill rite noew...
fffff
i dont want to type grama108 all-over... . . . even tho some-times... (.burp.)
...i think i will. be broken for you.
again.
and again.
-
yuk.
let me go. (.to much time with her.) that was long enuff. 'the male still crys for her.' let him go.
no more check-up.
-
-
(.day two.)
nope... im NOT going to spend day-two. 'gushing for you.' im not even going to tell you 'why' (.cuz WHY got to LONG.)
im just going to finish the last three strawberry songs and then 'get out of your hair'
(.combing it with love.)
i cawt myself re-word-ing stuff. i still dont like hip-g408. but female dosnt care? just talk to her. -
excuses: i mite say the wrong thing. she wont like how i live. she wont like how i look.
i dont know that person. (.my favorite excuse.) im too old for this... im still too young.
they wont like me. they dont like me. i mite get raped. i mite get shot for trespassing.
its against the law. it isnt normal. it sounds impossible. people dont live.(.that-way.) anymore.
you cant... force yourself on people.
((.oooh i want to gush, long spills,to answer that last one...but... for maydn...only this: people -NEED- you. so GET-in-their fuking way.))
-
my excuses: i like all of the above. but when i visit the Amish... i keep somthing:
:::: im going to live rite and im going to go where i think i can-live rite, and be-with people i feel ARE living rite and\or can-help me live-it.
even if they dont-accept me. i-accept them. and thats what counts.
no matter what the sigh-n says... im going. to live and learn. ::::
-
strawberry-girl says: thats what 'friendship' is ALL about... when you forget what people look like on the outside, and love them for what they are inside.
-
i do try, i find homes + methods? time-tested 'not just intentional' pasted together.(.water+flour-seeds) and shuv-you into it as hard as i can.
-
i want to gush a little but...um, maydn...do you know the bible-story about baby moses?:
the government passed laws making it impossible for kids to survive.. (.sounds familiar.)
anyway...a girl...(.maydn.) went against these laws and the empire... by making a little basket with her own hands...a room... a home.
inside she put her baby, but also our hopes and dreems that this wood make it to a better place... somthing wood survive...maybe even change the world. a step-stone that many wood use to get-out of this mess.
-
can you figure me out yet...?..
think of it this way: a bunch of teens on a street corner.. beside their cars and girl-friends.
just then a horse and buggy pass-by. (.not uncommon scene for some.)
most teens laff it off. but one teen pushes his girl-friend into the buggy and it drives off without-him...with her in it.
-
possibilities: 1.the boy hates her. 2.the boy knows somthing. 3.the boy loves her and...
saving her saves him... or a-part of him...somehow.
-
dont you get-it maydn? im pushing-you into the arms of farm-families cuz...
i want part of me to survive. i dont LIKE how 'well' im doing. 'scratching-for-life-itself.'
farmers(.the ignorant kind.) felt the same way, and wanted their kids to go on to college, (.big mistake.***) -
but i know stuff, i can make a basket.(.galeeb.) and put people in it. (.invite.) thats all i can do.
cuz all is dark rite now. my on-line 'scary obtuse fasion' is reeching people where they are: ...in a living-hell.
and making things worse... cuz i speak of ways out.
-
about the... (.big mistake.***):
college turned them into tools4the empire.E.U. . and by the way: . E.U. meenz: euphoria. . . (.thats sposed2be funny.) . ** euphoria: a medical term? for when the victim becomes so excited he thinks things are getting better. but the results: a violent economic death.
-
thats why i push-you to-go places. i see farm-family results: T-old. i dont-see tribal results. B-old. i do-see tv-media results: C-old.
no wonder th-boy didnt want me going home. the gushes go-on-on-on even when i think they arnt.
and thats my 'E.U.'
(.so ends day-two.)
-
(.more added later:
yeeeps!
(.day two continues.)
o.k. maydn. i wont push-you.any-more! i dont want you away anyway. i like 'having' you to myself.
...i was just doing what i must. cuz of my heart. my upbringings...
my histiry: youth:life in a city-hell. teen: i dont want this. tween: farm-ing folks. today:mountain people, primitive, and in love.
-
Results:
my heart still feels for youth on the streets. cuz i was there. lived the pain. still got pain. cuz they live it today and what have i done for them.? and its even worse now.
Results:
spent years with farm-folks. didnt go to college. THEY were my college. but they bend toward city-life it attracts them... not me. i was there. so i demand re-form. they wont. but city-folks will.
Results:
the farms were bearable. i kept trying... cuz city-life was so bad.
now long times in the wild, are bearable, cuz farm-life, was so good.
-
those experiences...and maydn. makes me rich and reddy to be a strange...
step-stone for others.
-
and finding much...cuz.. others left step-stones4me.
-
(.next comment.)
i do want to play-house with you. but only cuz i love these earth-ee walls. i dont want this beutiful place to be a place for Hate.
so i thut a bit on what i knew about Hate. so i cood set some Rules for our Home.
1.Please dont destroy things i feel are under my care. you can move stuff,bury, borrow, bend, break, buy, but: do not DESTROY stuff..(.2make un-recoverable.)
2.Please TELL me when somthing i say oR do makes you angry. cuz i honestly dont notice it.(.and that makes it worse.)
3.Dont talk 'about' the people you live WITH. cuz you LIVE with them. they put- up with you, and no one else is bold or crazy enuff2do that. sometimes we forget how much it takes to love that-way.
4.re-schedule times with maydn. cuz sometimes neglect, can feel as bad as hate.
-
and that maydn... is all i know about HATE. cuz when i got it. blood flows, nothing is happy, i dont like it. i dont want anyone to catch it.
found this on a class-room wall: great minds talk of ideas. average minds talk of events. small minds talk about people.
-
-
(.next comment.)
yes maydn. i bin thinking about... respect...(.thanks2strawberry.) what it must meen to a girl... and to you.
use-zing gendr108 i kind-of see... somthing...but its no use. i see for a momnet...but then it fades.. cuz im male. i dont want to show respect. cuz...
i-dont-know-how-it-feels for a male to take it away from me.
but since my hands are going over you. i must feel somthing...and talk about it. you must 'like' being called queen. cuz you know somthings wrong.
your just a woman. why does he feel that way. i dont know... i.(male) cant explain it. when im saying that word, its cuz i... (.god i better not tell you.) ..um..
lets just say: im NOT trying to get your 'attention'...like when guys want to flirt. i just report what i 'see'.
and your afeared i will loose that respect to your...um...(.never mind.)
i think your rite. i wood. my spirit wood... be broken. i dont know how you know. i dont feel it. i read it in your voice. you are trying to protect me and i dont know what it is...
but i am male...my idea of loosing-respect: is being told i do things wrong. or cant provide. to me..thats what loosing-respect is. loosing balls sounded like fun...til you came. then i had new worth...and some things were... not so funny anymore.
i hope im that way to you too. those parts you said you cood just 'give away' cuz it was the secret of your power. i hope you feel... differnt about that... (.choke.) ...galeeb meenz: love'd.
new worth: he needs me. to function. to impower a home: a world of tears and growth.
-
(.more.)
i need to report a strange 'twist'. i dont know what to call it. so i call it 'twist'
its a feeling i get when your words are totaly? against me doing something. i felt it when you spoke of poly-gam-y. also when you spoke of being on a farm.
i take things wrong...and this 'twist' feeling is none of your buisness. it feels like:
::::o my god...i insulted a queen...im dead.:::: im going to be boiled in oil.
thats what a 'twist' feeling is..
-
(.more.) male says: love needs water and corn.
male is:tired of juggling emotions.
tired of being home for: 'love-birds' and 'wild ideas.' i want to go back to th-boy now.
it was nice to be here::::where the heart is.::::: but i need to get away from this place and this goosy-woman.
a man can take only so much... then he remembers how good it is to just stay away! away from women altogether. (.i need a girl that does that.)
enjoy my craft, enjoy my works, fruits, wild architecture. boys need there toys.
but in you i have much weakness... i see many failed attempts to grow... all my grief, all my hopes, to save a generation that just wants: my attention for 30min. to play father. big cheif.rain-cloud, be a step-stone.
-
i hope you find guys that 'make-rooms for love'... it seems im rich with contacts. i want to be the:1guy4U...but . you are also my sister. and she needs lots.lots.lots. ::::so proud to -be- her brother.:::: . when my hands are not strong-enuff to...carry her to bed.(...)
-
(.more.)
strong tribes. a church. a group. a community club.
somthing to keep them together. - strong families make strong homes. - a strong home needs gods words. and ::commitment::
to bring maydn and th-boys home. - no more playing-around. we got to eat and live and work together wither we like each-other or not. - wither we got feelings or not. -
(.more.)
danger:
sex 'is' marriage...
-
commitment?: stay with this person even if we dont like.
we are to live together. wither love comes or goes.
sound good? sounds possible.
cuz then loosy-goosy can go boing-boing back to her 'problems' and thats why i love her. she reminds me how hopeless helpless and impossible all is. i love her for that.
-
so... deuda_m stays with males in the woods.? a simple monistic life. with rewards.
th-boys dream: no girls allowed!
but how did those males get together?, a brotherly order starts. with a woman.
so... now im back to snow-black and 3+4 dwarves. ...im going in circles... no point.(hehe)
-
but somewhere in this mess of men,maidens and straw-houses is peace,
and 'that' little maydn,
sitting over-there content with 'her-problems':
she sits there thinking:
Anonymous said... Is it wiser to love or to be loved? I love him but he doesn't love me. He loves me but I don't love him. He loves her but I love him. He loves me but I don't love her. I love myself but I don't love me.
Love can cause wars as well as stop them. If you are In-Love there is no time for war.
"How will I ever tend the farm when all I want to do is keep my arm around YOU.?" []
March 12, 2008 6:35 AM
-
my answer: how can i ever answer?...
when her problems keep the the secret worlds of enchantment together.
and those worlds keep maiden. contented with moore problems.
-no end-
-
yes... hip-408 did get hoplessly long. males bark at it.
let them.
i fall again to maiden. i kneel and give-thanks for all that she is to me. all that she does to me. all that i love and see.
i wood bark too..but she gives me wisdom, patience, heart4my work, joy for today, hope for tommorrow. a place to rest.
a bed with excitement, a soul to treasure. a warm heart, a strong pulse, a feeling for circles, a respect for beauty,
and a desire to take the long-way...
home.
-
. (.oof!)
on a more sensible note: start volunteer work. be with other people. feel young again.
a community in health. becomes your health.
-
(.day three:)
making maydn content must be... very important to the male.
all i do is in-directly...for her. and i wont admit it. cuz... um... well just cuz!
-
the butter-cups are out... a little yellow flower is everywhere.
the wheat has green-ears of corn on it.
i guess...where ever you see tall weeds...
(.where you are.)
you know you shood-have planted wheat.
cuz it wood be almost ripe by now.
-
off! the shell and take-out one grain.
i cant believe what i see... it looks just like a little sack, a pair of nuts...a wheat-grain.
im holding life in my hand! i flick it with my thumb and forefinger. (flick.flick.) god! that must FEEL good..
re-lating this feeling to my own nutz. this little plant is alive! i said. (.and i shood knoe.) this whole field! is full of horny roasters!
im very lucky to have a body that is... sim-pathetic for things around me.. its like god made us weak so we wood... have a heart...for what he made...what is all around us...if only... we wood listen?
-
i feel like telling-on my-self cuz... iAm male. i can report what i find. i like maydns reports better... big-sister speaks, all listen.
my position is great to have and some-one to share it with. someone who may...have trouble understanding male 'anything.'
so 'flicking' wheat-nutz dosnt meen anything to you maydn? you got no feeling? in that di-rection?
mood:no sympathy. boo-hoo, your missn out. fffff my rib hurts.
no...i do feel sorry for maydn, but there are things around out here that screem 'her-way' too...
i can-not hear them, but i hear maydn, and then i can understand both.
is that why males send flowers? why do they do that? somthing feels.. rite about it...but..i dont see the... point.(oops.)
-
i need to warn maydn now...that my femn1207.txt was way-off! ... i bin thinking about it and... now that i 'feel my worth'..
i dont want things just //'kicked!'around. i bin looking at this field of wheat and... you just dont do that!
i dont see any animals ever do that. . except angry squirls..?
i used to think it was funny to see an alley-cat..sometimes.(rarely) i wood find one with his balls-on. you wood see this long tail up and cute legs..and then (hehe) a little ball bouncing around as he walks. like his butt blew a bubble.
i never did figure it out. cuz it was not somthing i seen much.
town-life is a 'spaded' world.
-
im tempted to grab it too... squeeze-it, see what it does. oh pity, i wasnt think-in.
but thats Home-Rule#5: no grabing-nutz.
when i think of all maydn meens to me. and all those urges lost in one squeeze....i..(choke) i just cant believe it.
please maydn, protect spirit. protect strength, even if it is in a weak place.
-
this nut-topic excites me...bad. cuz..my hopes hang on it... no more urges? no more hard-ness? no feelings for maydn?
no nutz? ...yikes. not-me! i do-not want that-t.(shivers.) if you didnt know...you-do-now. it must be the worst thing.
?
gone in one squeeze.
and it wont matter to her. cuz girl dont FEEL it. what your missing.
but it does matter.
without you... im missing somthing too.
- getting to the 'point': dont kick nutz, dont squeeze, dont grab dont touch! (sob)
you dont KNOW how glad i am to have feelings maydn. for you. for flowers, for seeds...
i dont deserve any of it... dont ever take it away.. why is my culture so bad... i dont know...
bugs and animals dont even do so wrong.
-
(.more.)
your descriptions of male are fasin-ate-ing. may-b i shood tell you what 'queen' meens to me. or what male is thinking when he he moves in what you call...'waves'...for you\into you.
he is NOT thinking of himself, let me tell you that! he is thinking about how beautiful you are and how
wonderful it is to have this beautiful.. 'what-ever she is' doing this to him. um... i think femn1207 is enuff.
no re-peats, time wasted is maydns time too. i dont want this. i want her out where she shood be.
where brother and sister can Rule with full-effect and poer. ...god gave! its... OUR-TIME to gide man-kind..
make it better.
make somthing sons will find helpful.
like: ...a respect-full (.theres that word again.) way to live.....cuz:
to be busy investing in tomorrow -IS- true-ly thinking of today, and filling it... to its fullest. (hip-g408)
::::i love you maydn.:::: i love what you do to me. and to my generation.
(.the white stone is pressd to me again.)
-
(.more added much later: ...)
mood: no more reports! ...maybe hints... mostly i just want
to now to be u-zing what i know of maydn.. to pleez her...with the..hints.she gives.
-
she makes me WANT to be what a man shood be... i cood ask no greater... for she is so xoxo-worthy!
re-strictions she has placed:
I'd rather keep your friendly repect than lose you to my (up) tight pussy. Cat. Meow. Women.
[Ex-sert-In) What do women want? creativity, natural attraction, romance, to be admired, adored, submitted to, and then respected in weakness...Person-a-lee I prefer boy-friends that are not big babies and give me respect without having to kick em in the...nutz. And if per-chance we are blessed-able to go Balling all over the the place (like a fairytale will)...well then God is Good. --
March 11, 2008 6:52 AM
based on these re-strictions. ..my fantasies of her flow...
passions for her get tite... like a body muscle... it needs to rest, and stretch and be in the woods a while.
stretching fantasies often keeps it from getting hard. ...stiff.
you dont want stiff arms when its 'time to over-do-it again.' you need to warm-up... then reeeely. go hard on her. till gasping for ...breath..? fffff. then cool down slow...no sudden stops or you'll reeeely be sorry. (.god forgive me.)
that reminds me...
i wonder if th-lion is still alive!
id better go in the bedroom and... pull him out!
- ...? -
i found the two fast asleep on the bed.
th-lion was worn-down to cub-size... like a happy kitten sleeping on its mother...
and with them strange-smiles cats have. when they are not awake...
(..-..)
o dear...
i shood get a picture of this.
-
to much fun. i pulled the wild cat up by the scruff of his neck... mmrrrhhoow?... shh! you will wake maydn. -ffplunk!- you stay in your box till your little features get big again.
-
fffff .story paused. put down my pen...rest.
the woods are deep and cool. and i dont know what maydn is doing to me...! cuz no matter how deep i go... my heart is always...
home. --
thanks for what you do to me. thanks for showing me how... everything has its place... and CAN spin beautiful...
even the smallest things... like our home... effect the bigger things...
things... that need the old-pattern... we begin.
-
(.next comet.)
fffff what do i write her now?
clues: th-father said:get her out of the bedroom. maydn said: dont call me late for breakfast. i heart breakfast. now you know.
yes.! now i know!...
story continues...
hhmm...
pulling that cat up off her left her bare...
i didnt notice how bare till i looked at her. she's got attractive titty's the cat must of bin pulling on them... cuz they look hot...and sharp.
stuff that makes a mans palms itch to press-on. and...th (.get her out of the bed-room.)
whut?... uh..oh.yep. back to the story...
i went into (.her.) kitchen to find what she likes. and what i like: water! may-be some lemon juice/pine-cone tea...somthing acidic. for her. for me.
straw-bale walls reeely soak in this smell... and we only got half of them smeared with mud yet. the walls arnt to straight...kind-of go in and out. like they do at poo-bears house, rabbit, and piglets.
all we got rite now is crude clay-pottery to drink out of. local-made, they will do. dripple dripple. dripple dripple.
i wonder how much maydn can drink.? umm... think. think.. umm... i guess it dont matter... dripple dripple. dripple oooops!
thats enuff.
now.
-
something to eat...!?
i always wanted maydn to try sprouted wheat-berry bread. (.no flour.) but i dont know where it is...
um..click.click.um...may...be click click...no.
um..these colonial-cabinets maydn painted a baby-blue and a sick yellow-pea-green.
i wont ask her what she used as paint. cuz.. ehh. et.
eta..its coming off on my hands.
-OIooIoo
click. click.
here it is! wraped in a basket. smells great...just like paint.
and black-berry jelly!
oh-what a purple-mess this will make. i can just see maydn now...unless...
click. click..
weeel i'll be! ...silver-ware. -o- were did maydn steel these? uh. im meen...
she must of trade'd for them.
-?
i hope thats not why she took all my stuff to Renfair yesterday.
cuz i got enuff stuff missn.
-
- now... wherez... the butter/? apple-butter? no.
hairy goat-milk? no.
how'bout this!... blue-cheese! thats like butter... (sniff.)
smells funny...
um..i will let may-den try it first.
-
now...
how do i wake up a queen...? start some musick... burn the toast?
i got it.
-V-V-
CLANG-CLANG-doo-doo
doot-doot
CLANG-CLANG
doot-doot.
clunk.!
-
good thing i found that old COW-BELL up out over the meadow.
a fine size. worn by a fine queen. no doubt.
-
oooh...! there she iiiizzza! eh. goot-marria! comb-essa. oh. maydn. you shood see your face... if i was a cow it wood stop my heart.
-
i guess mornings are not your thing.
-
but i will still love you...eh. (.i hope.()
here...drop your Mug into a nice big bowl of fresh miners-lettuce.!
spring is the only time i see this stuff.
and it thrills males heart to think i GAVE female somthing green.
-
TO GIVE. meens alot to a male. its 'his way' of showing U.R.galeeb.
-
GIVE has a strange thrust to it... the more you do it, the more you feel love.
-
(.sudden changes:) just when i thut this story cood-nt get LESS Romantic...
the sun came up!
- >>>><<<< !!!
oh.oooh.auuh. im so glad this tree-house has so many windows... the sun just turns everything to gold.
>>><<< ! ! !
eyes adjust, how beautiful.
-
the design came from the berenstain-bears house... and drawings were made of it on 2-13-07 papers.
-
how did we find a tree that big?
big enuff to put windows in it and doors?
we didnt...
www.thinkgreenbuilding.com methods were used to 'mud-copy' these story-book homes.
mud-mixs make trees too! earth-straw-plaster..paints. very earth-ee. very beautiful. unbeleevably acurate. to detail.
its like ceramic collect-ables. only bigger. and yes... we 'tested' hand-made models first. -
(.next sceene.)
after we ate i took grumpy... uh... i meen i took maydn to that place where i found the COW-BELL...
she must have liked it alot. cuz she took the BELL with her. i guess she made a wish too... cuz when we got there she..
--- **Huu? -!-
threw! that COW-BELL as far and as long as i ever seen a may-den throw anything... and it went crashing into the rocks and river below. . . . a nasty plunge. .
-
maydn was steemin! i guess she always looks like that when she's in a romantic mood. i hope so. i dont know.
i kissd her on the cheek.
-
(.smack.)
-
she moved her beautiful maydn hair out of her face... and lookd the other way... totaly confused by a guy that dosnt understand anything at all.
-
she let me take her hand and we went up closer to the top...
-
we talked. we talked. and we talked.
the wind blew stedy.
we stopd walking. we stopd talking.
looked around across the mountains-view...
i started getting dizzy for her. so close to me. like this.
- ???! -
till finaly it happened:
....those four little words:
::::x xoxo xox xox-oxo::::
- -
For to this Day...
in some green and secret land...
is a grassy-hill where wild-flowers grow...
and on that hill... a maiden stands..
-
where her boy poors out his soul...
-
-
(.continues at: ::::grama108.txt:::: for the rest. of the story.)
-
(.next comment.)
:HERE:
is where maydn adds her own touches/ to what 'reely' happened. to the rest. of the story.
........?
and then........?
and later.....?
and before that....?
whut! ?
shame on you maydn... i wood never do such a thing.
and then.....
and after that:
they lived happily ever after.
-no end-
-and no end-
-
(.day four.)
dont ask me how 30min turned into four days...
im going to explain it 2 th-bouy. using his favorite word:
...SHUT'UP.
-
(.next comment.)
im going to push4it again maydn. you must 'message' me and tell me what area oR town you are at... and i will find mennonites.
-
OR...
you can talk to one on xanga. ask for their church-directory. they shood have one in your area. the directory i got is a very
conservative group. with cars.
OR...
you can snail-mail (.just go.) buggy contacts on galeeb.
-
(.new comment.)
my reports and maydns words... give me ideas...
things start to mesh...
two hearts..and two hopes.
-
in my next story...(.too-yoo.)
i will try another style...
use-zing
words-terms-ideas :::you like:::, but...
when the maiden speeks...
she will be using words-terms.. ideas only the male.:::likes!::: . . . this is wrong. wrong. wrong. but...
it makes me go=over things maydn has typed... and try hard-er to submit.
and maydn can Reed her male. in what he wants\likes\needs?
(.your to good at it alredy!.)
-not an end-
.
(.next comment.)
over-view: lookin at what i typed. ... i want to re-mind maydn of hip-g408. nothing was typed for entertainment. if you see a man playing with kids books and fingering the pictures...um..?? dont call him crazy yet. ... he probly is seeing\feeding several things. cuz i found the berenstain bears near the top of his c-zns108.txt and typed before maydn came. ... so the male is taking you into his heart-parts...showing you stuff important to-him, (.in his own way.) and this is very bad. it meenz: ... he wants you to be apart of eveything he does, cuz you are... everything to him. (:::that-IS:::.what 'queen' meenz2him.) ... please 'talk' him out of it cuz... he dosnt know what he is doing.
i know only-your words CAN. cuz your words 'talk' him into it. example: I want you for my own. Not to own; just for me alone. (.january 25.2008 streem-2? at re-chat.) ... if you are that close to him you probly see enuff details to know. a woman probly isnt the best thing for him.? ... have pity on his step-stone. cuz he likes you: ... What I was created to be. Yes, when I think on you All the parts of me become obvious. I hate that, I hate that I need you. I think alot of girlies feel that way. And bouys feel that they are not supposed to need anything. I think it is just lies that have been told to people...whispered to people...to make them sad and weakened to negative powers. Weakness in LOVE is the strongest strength a power-being can have. Some just want to question God's love and strugglle eternally with that.
(.january 17?,2008 streem-8 at re-chat.)
- (.next comment.) yeeeeps! them.jan.posts by maydn give me all-sort story-ideas... i hope she's changed (.i know.i.have.) - cuz the poor lion...sits on all five's wide-eyed...tongue hanging out.... waiting for what jumps out the box next! - maydn pleeeeez! he dosnt 'need' all that. male stays ball-bouncy-eee active 'constantly cuz of you'. he dont need 'new' stuff...cant you see that? this is a home. not a Zoo.
-
(.next comment. new tone.) i feel comfortable with maiden contacting mennonites. i feel 'peace' when i say that.
(.a sincere teez:) i dont know if maydn cares about me... but if she does she will contact 'talk' 'phone' these mennonites.
you may feel erkd at their spirit. but.. i feel... peace. like talking to them is talking to me. for one moment...i dont feel any difference.
cuz there...is where... i want my girl. (.maydn...pleez...go.)
-
.5min on the phone with one wont kill you. who cares what the subject is...just talk. connect. (.hurt.) i wood feel re-leeesd! if i 'knew' you had contact. one.? two.? weekly.?
..pleez maydn...i wood have...
no more hurt.
and.
i cood close this post...'knowing' i got 'my way'.
-with you-
.
my soul can rest in peac,e.
-
(.next comment.) (.more goodies much later..and running out of time!.)
skin wont heel. had to take blood from another place.
times with th-lion:
incase you shood know... it feels like one shoe is to tite.
thats what it feels like.
(since girls dont knoe) -
he mite be lusting about somthing.
but outside his 'exciting' visual-mental pleasures.
is the bodys feeling that...um one shoe is to tite... and the shoe is getting bigger. but titer. till he feels like he's wearing clown shooees.
cuz your beautiful to look at.
-
and tapping, flicking, the nutz. just makes that shoe ten times titer.
-
feelings are almost like the zaps when he starts to cum.
-
more flicking makes his body jolt. and rise...and back...then you know you got him.. he wants to buck.
-
the only releef for a foot in a tite shoe is to stroke the wand..
bringing releef into and out of the bag of nuts for him...
which feels like hands sliding
up your dress.
(.trying to relate . by using words you know.)
-
the releef comes and peeks! and its over.
-
had to squeel.
didnt have time to put this in a story fasion,
just the facts..
what i can report.
cuz im me...and i love finding words when i got a girl who..
listens...
to crazy? things...just dont hurt anyone with info.
-
(.want me to talk more.?)
ok.
the pottery in our home
tastes funny.
the clay color is bluish? the water tastes earth-ee.
i think they got the clay from a deep-dig.
an undisturbed layer.
-
these are precious moments. cuz i know me and maydn got undisturbed layers too.
something is wrong. what is wrong? is it even a real word? i'm not shore. how to fix...? missunderstanding? no ID. aaaah. ummm...clueless...again. walking in the dark. why does this feel so natural to me? walking in the dark. I dunt need eyes to see. the more years, the more i feel...this. sound though...i love sound. sexy noises turn me (my ears) on. i'm shore i'll be deaf at 80. hope=cocclear implants fyi: Everything sounds pornographic these days. "wait, i'm coming" oh,...ahhhh! i canut handle it. what the F is wrong!!?? ...with me. with me...you need to be with me...so that i can be...normal...?again? (driving down the road one day, and It/depth-of-Love-for-you hit me like a Mac truck) i so didnut plan this. i wish i would have planned this. it'd be so much easier. i cood feel easier. i swear i try to stop these sinfull thoughts. try to think/type norml stuff. ie: "why is the sky blue?" and all i can think of is, "i want to color the sky, with You. blue, green, whatever...All You." Jesus, help me.
-- so im hearing you want me to type you out of 'loving' (me) -- "~when you say you love me, I say you better!!!!~" The (real/best) WHO -- if you want to remain distant...it aint with me babe. if you want someone to tell you what to do...it aint with me babe. if you want perfection...it aint with me babe. If you say You need me...I say you'd better!
love that song! All Most as much as I Love Lions. --
ps. the real, sexy, love-letter refuses to be published. The Pride is restraining The Beast.
The Zoo needs to remove some fences before it can become a happy Home.
also...i love/need you n i dunt want to...what do i do?
this looks like the best one: http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm
cuz maydn... you-ARE 'the people' i will be keeeping for a long-long time.
even if i can only carry 'YOU'... in my heart.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete telling you 'how'
i think.
wasnt i smart move.
-
but i open everything to you.
i cant resist you no more.
if your going to hurt me... you reeeeely will.
-
it dont matter..
i still dreeeem of you. plenty of your words help me do that.
-
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_image_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books Sent 4/18/2008 4:29 PM deuda_m block delete maydn... you said:
i guess i don't understand. i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving. it hurts me to say that to you. i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs. i need to protect myself though...
...
oh maydn!!
my honey! that does hurt.
i will rip open my core just once for you to let you know 'how' i hope and think:
i wake up knowing that: somehow i wasted today or part of it.
i feel like i offended myself.. like when you eat somthing you know make you feel gilty.
i deel with it cuz... i offended myself! its a taste of what i must look like to son-god when i offend him.
i use it to tell him to remove ALL offense to him to self and to others by his precious healing blood. he always is reddy to give me what i dont earn nor deserve: rite-standing again. '
his spirit is now freee to help me forgive and watch and do better. that is a miracle.
also:
knowing he will gide me to love what i shood say, do, type, be is also another 'miracle'
thats what i use to make threw times when you say 'i cant be what you want' know that you will be, maybe not what i planned. but exactly what son-god planned.
im soo happy about that. for you. and for me. cuz i fear that all the time
honey. weep no more.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn...
i forgot the hug:
x - x - x
(2 hours later:)
i like you the way you are.
i stop to say that.
cuz we all go to hard with
'growing' where we want.
that i forget to say...
i have what i want.
you are just so...
x - x - x ...
(three hours later:)
beautiful.
-
you always hit the rite words...
-
even if english is...
a bit...
silly.
-
your meenz heart is alot to me.
you show that.
you know that. -
i say: list possibilities.
cuz your rite.
protection is more important.. than me.
-\
i need you to do that.
or i loose....everything:
. . . . -YOU-
- Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!!
i love you . Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread
The time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more. Again -- and always (i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.) Love You Love. you sexy beast
So I threw the bell and the towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in the right season. Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope he does that again soon. Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a while. --
- comment about 'edible communities' and 'G.R.U.B.'programs, start a chapter in 'your-area'. using? related helpers:flower-shops,seed-savers,garden-clubs,4-Hmembers, any creature that knows how to save seeds and water for winter. (look4such people, be-won.)
its true! buying gasoline supports 'both' sides of the WAR.
here iam! lone-ly? in the field. all the buds abloomin, birdies boomin, bugs azoomin. and mme...all drowned up in some soaking sopping wet mess of emotion. soggy...yuk! so i think i'll try to use this soupy ground to make some old-fashioned Pete-bricks. pete was a good guy. he has my respect. he left me with tried and true methods. would i have wanted to make love with pete? In Pete...that sounds more...correct. sunny sunshine makes my day a busy mess. no time like rain-time when pete and i can get all moo-shy. warm and wet...oh well... day dreaming once again. look around Buttercup cuz what is up is a bunch of books (my Love) and some thirsty people hoping to see those petrol prices drop so they might $$$ some food... and drink...and mayB B-merry-juice (good juice-the kind you might drowned in alone) 4-minutes left to pull out.... creative a. where did you go Love? b. that i worry something aw-full when ur missing c. that i miss you; as a rib without a body to hold into is ... bbq...soul-bbq (good stuff eh?) d.one over wrinkled time-constraints. --he loves me-- --he loves me not-- --he loves me--
my spirit is broken... someone(not you) reminded me. how frail i am.
its not anger...its... that...'i goto get-away for awhile' feeling...
a1: a place only i know a2: camps for friends. a3: camps for new friends.
a1 is for cuz... you cant trust nobody! (reminded) a2 is (hehe) cant trust yourself (sometimes?) a3 is a chance to catch new kids. (truth-seekers) give them space. see what they do... then pull them into a2.
i think its the gas-prices now... i paniced. moved all my grain and water off of a2 and into a1... somthings up.
-
trying to stay sensible...i tried also listing farms in my area using www.localharvest.com and visited one.two.three.
thinking of mayden...maybe she wants to be more helpful to people than that...(where you are) so i point you to... edible-communities and g.r.u.b. programs. (maydn makes them worth while else its just... a program... it needs your smile.)
spirit-broken: i meen it. i reely got hit bad. someone relly upset me. made me see all my talk and no seeeds is...what it is... nothing.
mood: so i dont want to hear people talk, dont want to hear myself think, i go move stuff and make a1 a2 a3 stronger just cux when my hands are doing somthing... i forget what im thinking, what i want to say to people that hit a nerve, just forget it all... it burns cuz...anger is stupid...and i wait for these days (yes real days) to pass..
(actualy they destroyd (not bborrowd) stuff again) that upsets me... it always does (every year?) reminds me to keep moving... wait for the hurt to pass...maybe i learned what 'not' to do this time...
maybe just keep moving a1 a2 a3 to more places. get my mind off me, a heart that just wants to think hateful hurtful words to say back.
when im hot like that (inside) i know that i am not worth listening to, nor anybody else. i want to plant calm and cool and comforting words again. but when i see even those words leeve people empty...
-
my spirit is broken. this takes days? to heel. i wait. i fall down near-dead to maydn.
knowing in the end... where my heart really is.
-
i found this www.survivalblog.com and got a new-view of how-true what i am doing a1 a2 i shood be doing... so.. i got my breath back.
-
maydn said 'tell me what to do' i think shes got spirit enuff to reach her own destiny.
i want her to stay away from my un-stable situations... but now-a-days... that no excuse... anywhere! (worlds gone mad.)
maybe you can use xanga to visit all-sort of groups. and pull them in to galeeb by just posting a 'comment'
i target 'gamer' kids cuz they got 'time' to listen to galeeb and think fantasy and future.
but maybe you got another way. a 'girl-side' to galeeb.
i think 'love' attracts them to any site...real quick...
what-ever 'love' is.
if thats what you want to do.
it comes to mind everytime you say..
'tell me what to do'
cuz i was there.
just google.com: galeeb.blogspot.com + xanga and you will see all the people and placed i tried saying 'hey...come and see this'
-
good breathing to you maydn. whatever you choose. i just dont want to be to you. a wind that leeves no food.
b how you need to b. i have time for today. to tell you thank you...again. can't really say it enough. for how unkind and uncaring you seem, you do alot that says other-wise. men express their feelings in action. thats what i read somewhere...you know, That One book. woman expresses in romantic ideas...and food. ie: would you like a bowl full of dried grains...no spoon? or if i love you i will make you fresh, baked bread witha good knife to cut it and some butter that i spun all day. hunny? iam not sure about other womens as i know sum that just like to -um. i leave it at that. rowdy-girls sum of my best friends.
wish i could change the world for you. make it up all pretty and smelly-good and let you roll around in it for fun.
so mayB i kind-of can by lifting your spirits... with some whole-grain, a relaxing escape, and a good read.
i love you silly-difficult-man.
i don't missionary. i surrender. keep that in mind pls.
lead by example...ie: here, put this here, i like that, do like this...
for you though i might comment-span we'l see. you are more brave than i when it comes to others-opinions. i've noticed that.
i don't invite too many people close to me. people can be cruel and deceiving. they drain my energy.
boy do we know it.?
\stick with trees and bees and *) them that do.
you left too quickly again. i wanted to hold you. i know...guys don't like that stuff...especially when their skin is all pins-and-need-ly.
happy trails...with your tasks and what-not pls remember me when the wind kisses your cheek. you R my brother. you R a part-of-me Always
the ship-master has charts papers, drawings scattered all over the room.
and is totaly confused by a maydn who simply enjoys the -NOW-
example: her 6-12?-o8 for now, beeing happy while hiding from bees is all that matters. later i may deal with gas prices and employment issues. that is, if the bees and spiders and thunder and lightening don't deal with me first. -
--
mood:upset..uptite..anoid. im totaly confused by you and.&#^!)..worse than that... . .. . ''you-R roc-king the boat.''
--
i think i will MAKE you walk-the-plank... just for be-ing a girl.
--
(.more.) im going to guess what-ever you posted next will bring me some re-leef.
but befor it does i need to dis-cuss where this ship is head-ed.
may-b letting you off at the next island,...
cuz i see characters developing. and my-part in the-story is way -shorter than expected.
--
log entry:
dear diary... i bin trapped at sea with this goose-ee woman for... near six-moons now.
she has brought nothing but pain teers songs and sweetness to the crew. and a cheerful light for them at night.
--
i have decided i am... 'worse-off' with her around. and even MORE miserable when she isnt here.
--
she works hard and keeps stuff stored-away down-below from going bad.
i even found her jarr-ing new stuff...and wonder why we ever need to see land again.. with her around.
--
eiy Mates! but she carries a meen stick and demands much her salt as any on board. some say she's worth more. but that wood be mu-tany.
--
one day... she wrote a lovely peace. so fine it nearly sank me.
beautiful and bold. she posted her demands on the captains door:
--
Thursday, June 19, 2008 I dont think men should be confused about how to please the women in their lives. They just have to learn to tune in.(.little shows of gratitude once a...)..listen...hug her...dont lie...respect(.place of honour.) her...with stability, balance, a sense of order...be reliable.(trust).love them.the most of every minute. (.skip to end.) hopefully this pleezes you, cuz it took some effort. (from this-girl) now, my next task... Founding Fathers Begin: "I have a dream" , "Give me liberty or give me death"
--
(.later below deck.)
long-hours of brow-scratching and nerv-us study at his desk kept the captain up...
long nights, poor lights.. searching the serious-ness of her words...
but...thank-goodness... none of it...entered his thick head.
--
.He did however... .recognize its importance. .pulled open a drawer... where only his most PRIZE'd possesion was kept:gnder108 and placed heRs... beside His...
--
(.end of story.)
(.next comment.)
yikes! i need my freedom. but WANT this girl too.
--
what a tug-of-war this is.
--
things will fall well. things always do.
--
(.next comment.)
no they dont...and... no-every-things-not-going-to-be-ok.com (.new flick from infowars.com.)
that is why... ..i have trusted son-god. you can take him at his word.
--
un-herd screems.
--
i opened a jar of fortune cookies. ... each paper had a promise from the bible on it.
(.you need a jar like this maydn.)
havnt 'used' it in 2 years... but today i needed answers.
its very amazing.... the first and only one i pulled out. said:
''He heals the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds'' -psalm 147:3
then on the back it said:
''In reT-urning and rest shall you be safe.'' -Isaiah 30:15b
-no end-
-
- -
(.next comment.) (.hour later.)
...Maydn?
i never 'ask'd' you. to print before.
but im 'asking' you. to print this one: svi608pp.txt
consider it a 'marriage agreement.' tho we be lands apart. we can still be one heart.
--
i dont make 'agreements.' nor sighn anything..cuz. ..i bin.. triked to many times.
but this is different. this will give life-blood for both of us.
few marriages get that far.
...so lets be different.
--
you-R rite...somthing is 'wrong' with 'legal' marriages... forefathers wood not accept it. today its a 'union' between you your spouse, and the 'state' (.cuz they want benefits.)
problem: this gives the 'state' permission to take away your kids if they 'feel' your not raising them the way 'they' want.
yes...its true...i have heard... the screems.
-
a 'marriage' without 'show' is two-people accepting each-other. and two-witnesses to watch-them make the agreement...
witnesses: preferably people you al-ready garden with the most. (.not people you never see.) cuz they can keep you and him out of trouble...and...together. more than a wedding-ring can.
--understand?
--
here is the 'print-me' part: see: svi608pp.txt ...survivalblog.com
Thursday, June 19, 2008 sexy-man @ re-tribe says: "um,, you need to make a list of things you want your male to do to you... for a day... or..um...er.. for a night. stuff you want him to always do to you. even if he must act-it-out.. for a day..." uncommon to some women- i donut particularly enjoy talking about "relationships". you either do-it well or you don't. a relationship you have to constantly "work" at is not something you want to come home to and relax with. blablabla. {many thanks to cut-and-paste and Hallmark for simple sentiments made...ummm. simpler.} Inside, you will learn... How to approach any woman without fear ... and get her number! Killer pick up lines if you don't know what to say How to tell ... if your girl wants to be kissed The most powerful attraction and seduction techniques A step-by-step plan to get that woman you have feelings for! How to successfully get a date with a model or a hottie Where to take women on dates without having to pay a dime. Seduction secrets that will make women melt in your hands A guaranteed way to get a girlfriend in the next 7 days! The biggest mistakes YOU make when it comes to women and dating Some men are lucky enough to meet a sexy, free-spirited woman who throws all inhibitions to the wind and invites them to discover all the secrets of her sex... as she shows them everything and helps them reach incredible new heights of pure, unbelievably intense sexual pleasure... Most men would be fortunate to meet just one woman like this. These women shared their inner-most thoughts about their bodies and their minds... and revealed their most private sexual pleasures! Get ready to begin your journey into the minds of these uninhibited, soul-baring women... So, women are very humble, they are full of love and they want nothing more than to see their beloved happy and successful, women nurture spontaneously, they are responsible by instinct, they forget hardships by nature and the only thing that really matters is that they have done a good job. This is the Egyptian woman, very easy to please, very giving even if she had no one to take care of her or appreciate her; she still has the desire to give continuously and endlessly. So, I dont think men should be confused about how to please the women in their lives. They just have to learn to tune in, once a day, once a week or even once a month, this makes us recharge our batteries, dig up a new strength and move the world. So, be it a long stemmed red rose, a message or phone call during the day, or a hug at the end of the day, we really need it and really appreciate it because it means we really matter to someone out there. Women want it all or none of it. They want to be understood but not type-cast; they want to be happy but allowed to be sad; they want companionship but dont need someone to be happy; they want honesty but seldom the truth; they want equality while being placed on a pedestal and most of all they want respect. Respect for who they are, where theyve come from and where they are going. Dont pity them, coddle them or treat them with kid gloves. Todays woman is a woman of diversity and contradictions. What she wants today is not what she will want tomorrow because she is setting new goals. Why men cant figure women out is because they are a masterpiece in progress. A woman doesnt grow old; she just gets better. Wonder why you cant put lightning in a bottle? Because it just moves too quick. If we are to keep up there are a few keys to our survival. Number one, listen. Number two, listen. Number three, listen. See a pattern here? We men do a lot of hearing and not enough listening. Want to stay out of trouble? Listen. Want to be the man of the house? Listen. Want to have a long loving relationship? Listen. My God, listen till the blood drips from your ears; listen till you want to scream out a solution; listen until she has nothing left to say and when shes done, shut up and listen some more. Women are the caregivers and if you want her to give, youd better do some caring. Number four, hug her. Hug her in the morning, hug her before you leave to work, e-mail her a hug and hug her ten times when you get home. A woman is a fire. Want to keep her burning? You have to fan the flames. You do that with hugs. Number five, dont lie. Dont white lie, dont sugar coat the truth, tell it like it is. A woman can forgive a lot of things but she wont put up with a snake in the grass liar. If you screw up, lost your Christmas bonus at the track, forgot to take out the trash, catches you staring at another woman, give it up, take your licks and move on. I repeat, a woman can forgive anything, but she will not allow herself to be disrespected. Lie to a woman you are dissing her. Tell the truth, you live to play another day. Six, structure. Every woman I talked to listed structure in their top three needs. A woman wants stability, balance, a sense of order. She wants someone she can rely on. You say youre going to be home at 6:00, you be home at 6:00. Running late? Call. The hardest thing for us guys is to differenciate between support and total control. Creating a foundation and stability doesnt mean trying to solve all the problems to the point you disempower the one you love. Your love is not a crutch but a bond. A bond where dependability is synonymous with trust. Seven, love them. Love them most of all. Let it all out. Let it all out every day, every minute of every second of every day. Be love, crawl up inside of it and approach every problem with the question what would love do now? If you do this, fear will never enter your life. What do women want? They just want to be happy like us. They just have a different way to show it. If you learn their language, listen when youd rather speak, hug instead of just walking away, tell the truth till it hurts, be a man she can depend on and love her like you love yourself. Youll no longer ask what women want, theyll be asking you what you want and give it to you. ?So PLEASE don't present polygamy as merely a man's excuse to get multiply laid! It was a God-send to many women too; who insist on a rich man (even a shared one) or no man at all. *instead look for deep partnership, want a best friend, a playmate, a partner in their mate. Rather than needing to be with a man, many women are just fine being single and being their own great company. But when in a relationship, women want companionship, and they want the man to want that companionship and seek it out. Women want men who will stay in the relationship when the going gets tough, and will apply all necessary resources and tools to try to help the relationship work. Women want fun, playful, creative, passionate men. Women want a man who enjoys what life has to offer. They want a man who knows how to play, who is not afraid to make a fool of himself, who lives his passions. They want a man of creative, intellectual, playful substance. -NOW- I have gotten through all the generic cut and paste: the next task would be ... what does THIS woman want? a number of people that i have polled state that, "some day they want to get married". "Married" is the ultimate goal? ex: "so, i really love my boyfriend and he treats me well and we have alot of fun together. but... if i can't see us ever getting married then maybe i'm wasting my time." [insert scream of aggrivation] In my opinion: anybody looking to get married is insane. Yeup, you heard it... c-r-a-z-y! Oh ya, like i want to force myself (as much as possible) to live with one person for the rest of what 70 years. mayb it'll work out...but if it doesn't...oh well, we gave it a try. hopefully we Never fight and things will Always stay the same for us. yah!? The only people who should get married are those that have to! because they get knocked-up and they'll be culturally disowned if they don't OR Jesus himself descends from Heaven with angels and great, mystical music to announce that Mr and Mrs. So-And-So should enter into vows of holy matrimony. Otherwise, people should remain "friends" or "life-partners". Hopefully one can find both. Soooo. do I want to get married? sure. if I am blessed. otherwise i'd like to hang-out with someOne who enjoys my company, treats me like a queen, plays with me in the mud, and.... likes to wash dishes sometimes. What do i want My Man to do? whatever he likes/loves to do. be happy. see me/call me/hold me as often as possible. talk to me just to trade sexy-voice frequencies. kiss me All the time (especially before bed). be encouraging. play with my toes (howd you know?). ask me what i'm thinking. tell me what he's thinking. open doors. spank my bottom when i'm really really good. be sporty. clean up after himself. turn his own socks right-side-out. ...and sexy-stuff: that iam sensored from saying until i get further permission or the courage to send an anonymous letter. hopefully this pleezes you, cuz it took some effort. (from this-girl) now, my next task... Founding Fathers Begin: "I have a dream" , "Give me liberty or give me death" , "To be, or not to be." ,,, -- ox o x 2:43 PMMYSTERYyou want a mystery, don't you Mr. Sweets? if its a mystery you want. then a mystery you shall have! I have fuzzy ESPN so mysteries tend to get boring quick. by-george...i do believe you love mystery. you reference to that often so i suppose i ought give attention to what you reference to for this once. step one sleuth: be very observant, always keep a keen eye for detail and common and/or unusual appearances. step two sleuth: research research research and then resource the research. step three sleuth: always always always follow gut-instinct. step four sleuth: never be observed observing, unless of course you want to be. Notice eye-contact. step five sleuth: be a very very good climber and jumper step six sleuth: record, document, and then record your documents and document your recordings. step seven sleuth: learn to be right and wrong for fun. step eight sleuth: note that any mystery is worth solving. Now, that i put that together... you won't know when and you won't know where (thats how all good mysteries begin) but you're gonna get a mysterious chance to change your very own Life for the greater-good. (sounds like a redundant fortune cookie. right?) Who, What, When, Where, Why, How. and How-come? you see, i can orchestrate this and it cood be fantastic. however, i like to run things a little more naturally...have fun with it too. you know. see what happens. though i already know The End. only, (a be-ware sign) ,keep your back to someone elses cuz if we feel alone for even one minute... RoarrUuummmmm!...belly of the beast. to never be scene again. 12:56 PM AND http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/interface2005.htm 1:25 AMTuesday, June 17, 2008 O"how will i ever tend the farm? when all i want to do is keep my arm around you. yes you!" X Here I am again. waiting for you. i guess i found some time. it was in my pocket. kind of convenient. i guess. i decided to lock this 'hypgnosis' up only for you and me. now i know you may not come evry day and tend to me as i wood love to see you do. and you mayB come bored and ret-urn less and less often. you cood even decide that im not the one and only girl in the whole wide universe made especially just for you. for some unearthly reason i have accepted this. iam, however, in a big hurry. i want it all Now. "they" say its a generational thing. i think everything in life has many levels; including simple sayings and standardized testing. Now, whenever we are able to lay down arms...(we've been hugging an awfull lot)... and mayb just bee-together...for fun; mayb this back'n'forth humping cood beecum fun again. for me. what about you? i wood do it every night if i cood. every day too if i am able to find a way. [insert drama for apology and make-up process purposes] i have serious jealousy issues. don't be surprised if i shut this bitch down again because I know you now have another site...where you "subscribe" to other females. yah, i know, not your problem. jealousy is a huge problem for me. especially when it cums to MINE.! this holds me back. it keeps me lonely. when its just me, then everything can be MINE and i donut even have to feel guilty about it. so there. Will You Be Mine. (trick question to liven up the place)? [insert] and im beginning to believe that you don't really want to hear any of this no-sense from me. that you'd rather stimulate my sensibility and "get her out of the bedroom". i want you to know that i do hear that stuff. i appreciate it too. its nice to leave the bedroom once in awhile, sure. but ive heard that that's when you know the honeymoon is over. so i say, "bring the bedroom outdoors!". Really, there is Much-More to...me ( than upside-down tricks and storm-riding? ...shsha right...like there cood be more than that! ) --you know this-- ummm...only...where do i put it? 4:04 PMSunday, June 15, 2008 oh honey, come quick! look at my body. what is happening to it? i have thousands of bite marks running up and down my arms and neck and back and... my breasts...and my nipples are being chewed on provocatively. ?? what do i do? i cannut get the feeling of you out of me today. really, please, this is not funny. ooww, i cannut take it no more! your hands all wrapped up in my hair and then on my waist with your finger tips pressing into me. biteing on my stomach is making my legs numb and i i'm feeling a little dizzy. yes, that's just right. right there, you feel sooo good with your breath hot on my bottom lip. uhhh if that tongue touches mine... oh i can only imagine what's going to happen. please my sweet, you've been making my skin burn from the inside since i had my first waking thought this morning. oh oh ah fuck. what am i gonna do? this is too much. i'm scared. am i gonna die? i've never felt like this before! -- xo 5:11 PMFriday, June 13, 2008 Prepare To Live *flint box-waterproofmatches'butane' nosoapbrillos'dowels'string'caster *waterproof amocontainer *special documents- birthcertificates' sscards'passports'wwoofports' medicalrecords'creditreports' criminalrecords'driverslicense' maps'zipmemory'photos' smallmetalcoins' ---- tonight i am wondering what could bee more exciting in life. these little things are what Now is about. nothing else makes any sense. then is gone and later is forever that. for now, beeing happy while hiding from bees is all that matters. later i may deal with gas prices and employment issues. that is, if the bees and spiders and thunder and lightening don't deal with me first. -- 8:35 PMWednesday, June 11, 2008 Drinking Watergeneral health info: water quality tests: contaminants- Microbial (viruses, bacterias) cryptosporidium ; Inorganic (salts, metals) fluoride-4ppm, alpha,total?-0pci/L, barium-2ppm, copper-1.3ppm,,,; Pesticides and Herbicides; Volital Organic and Synthetic (by-products of industrial processes and petroleum production) trihalometahanes-80ppb, halocetic acids-60ppb ; Radioactive (some natuarlly occuring, some oil production adn mining activities; Residual Disinfectants (chlorine-4ppm, additives)......ppm(parts/million=one second in 11.5 days); i was recently lecturing my sister on anarchism and how freedom has been somehow turned into democracy. how in a few short hundred years...these theistic ideas of freedom have brought forth so many good things. to list: inventions that have turned this world (literally) upside-down, artists that have brought forth truth and justice, equalities and education. this country has come so far from its beginnings. we are still running from the bankers however. fancy hummers have a way of making people forget. hummers are only useful for so long. until we all get-off and then its back to the grind. on-foot... 3:07 PMPolitical Lunatics on Sunday-MassNot-Much has changed. The foundation remains the same. Only the faces have changed. 12:36 AMSunday, June 01, 2008 lady-libertyhow far are we? from that french-repressional age? dark ages? communism? tyranny? i say not far. i have been reminded that our "free" ways are new-er and that it has taken alot of determination and repetition to get to this point. free expression, free-trade, open-economy,,,,,,,new new gnew being able to invent and create without jurisdiction is relatively a new idea. ---
my-c6168.txt - - - - v6-17-08: content of this document:a male with valuable-time.gives it instead...into the hands of a beautiful girl.
her previous posts: buzzing...taptaptap....and invisible kisses to dream about.
--xo
NOW is sometimes too intense to realize. Posted 6/11/2008 11:10 PM xxxxxostic block delete wishes do come true. even if they donut talk. Posted 6/11/2008 10:24 PM xxxxostic block delete nope. not here. i guess as much as i like to "know" a person, i wood like one to "know" me too. though i have come up hard, my insides remain soft. i've always appreciated them that way.
for you: if sun-god holds one's heart, then it truly free to share. believe that i am truly free.
i wantto be a doer not a talker. please help me do this.(more honey more!)
- - - end of her posts.
deuda_male wants to answer your 6-11-08 now:
ouch!...my heart...tugs when you say... (more honey more!)
pleeez be patient with-me misstress.
note:
mistress: is a name describing a complete heart-surrender... to another person.
it almost meens 'queen'...
(.poor Male is hurtin Bad.)
-
(.more.)
yes mistress.
you are so female
to pull me out of
'past and future.'
and into -NOW-
-
Male cant see -NOW-
...female can.
-
i wood fite you but...
gendr108 tells me not to. just hold still... let her do her stuff...
-???-
it must be a 'girl-thing.'
care-ing for a-part of him he dosnt...
understand...?
-
male dosnt want to talk-about it 'details'
cuz he 'CANT'see it...
mistress?: his dEEper-need of you.
- - -
(.more.)
mistress im sooo sorry... i get so 'busy' that i bla bla bla.. and then bla bla bla...
so...
i will sit rite here beside you and stop tring to tie things together... (plop)
.looking at your eyes and chin. (.taking your beauty in.) .holding your hand in mine.
uhh...
(.long quiet moments.)
um,, you need to make a list of things you want your male to do to you...
for a day... or..um...er.. for a night.
stuff you want him to always do to you. even if he must act-it-out.. for a day...
-
atleeeest...
''untill his heart is tugged.''
till he bigins to do it on impulse... cuz he knows your wishes. and 'wants' to treat you so so-so-so well.
so show him how!
-
im green! im teach'uble'
i bin watching mennonites... so i think i know... how a girl shood be loved. its not a one-night-thing.
its a... 'surrender to your heart' thing... to surrender to it. completly. one day and every day. and all night.
completly committed 2U.
hmmm...nnow if only... we cood meet people who... still live that way... hmmm....
people who love god.
to help us on our way. -
(.more.)
maybe you dont like some words i use.. like obill? i can cut them out. (.my hand squeezes your hand.)
maybe you want 'More'... i just dont know.
(.my kiss Lands under your -EAR:)
-
pull-out a romance-novel i will read-it to you.
how bout a bible story. first and last 3-chapters. a nation was built on this book.
-
how-bout evolution-stories... 90 years-old now. 'evol' for short... a nation... was destroyd by it.
hhhmmm... good words?
kids dont even know their fore-fathers beliefs. 'in god we trust'
colonial writings arnt in schools...cuz.. they loved god.
the idea now is to destroy that love.. by telling kids evol. so they cant love. they look for love. but cant find.love. only evol.
no truth. no light.
everything now is... 'made in china' .even our beliefs)... are communism.
no freedoms. no inventions. only darkness. cuz beliefs are...a big part... of what makes a nation... different.
think of it! your child wont ever Hear gods love. the bible. words irish people herd for 100ds of years: and hoped you wood too.
the light is gone. evol.won.
wmpress.org chick.com ftl.org? -
freedom isnt for everyone. and trying to get it back... wood be bloody. . . a new dark-age has begun.
---
enjoy the 'NOW' how-bout reading to you in circles... (.girl-style.) ...enjoying every part of it.
love stories. messages from above. words that make hearts strong. somthing trusted for ages.
things grand-parents 'hoped' wood be passed-on...
BE-SURE to read st.john and the chapter in Romans. in the B.i.b.l.e.:
b.asic i.nstructions b.efore. l.eaving. e.arth.
-
.maydn hates relejus stuff. .so does son-god. .he called relejus leaders .'poison-snakes'. . .they killed him for that. .relejus systems always try to kill god. .like evol does in school. . .the kid becomes agnostic. .the teacher gets paid. .so in god we trust. .meens what.? . . how bout reading somthing sensual!??... -
nope.no.im h-ear to make your heart beat. not bleed. not gush. not pump-it-so-bad it starts screeming for ...more? ...this is love: teach Male to be a good 'heart-keeper'
(.please move your hair so i can breeth better.)
Q:what do you want in your garden? A:that: Male was a good heart-keeper. he didnt mess around. (.the results were beautiful.) no....no more 'heart-...breaking... .abusive words..
you can teez her...but dont.. dont pull her heart into bad things. -
why?
cuz im committed to her. maken-love to a beautiful heart... meenz not getting her drunk... meenz not making her sick.
meenz years later her heart' has no scars, no fears, no shame. alcohol.(drugs).and a fowl mouth.. always brings scars thorns empty.
-
lay up treasures. a good example!. follow them! ...yes be a squirrl...but not a foul mouthed one.
- i want Flowers to Bloom. (.from her heart?) a place Hearts can grow.
but you say no. hearts are only for doing crazy-things and getting hurt. bleeding. gushing. crying.pain.
-
i say no. i say a little touching... .a little tugging. gentle leading. .no more bleeding. tender care.
.pulls on your hair. no more 'rush'. .hopeless crush. daily tasks. .no more gush. sweet smells on your.hands. ..no more anger...
when you and me are done. plant-ing words in the son. then let it rain!
-
.lots of care. .lots of share. .no more break. .only tears.
.cuz it hurts. .when love gets in.
.instead of lust. .and hate.
(its a terrible distraction.)
- .the golden rule. .still in school? .cuz no one knew. .whats best for you. .except the designer. .of all things. -
(.more.)
.male cant see. .he has blind-spots. .so do you.
.male says your wasting his time. .you say it was spent wisely. .cuz its time spent with you. .the typing too.
buzzing...taptaptap....and invisible kisses to dream about.
--
if i can-nt do it rite... then i wont do-it at all.???
i want to pleese mistriss bery3-08 much! (.songs.)
it thrills males-heart. she watches him bump and blunder. trip and stumble. flip and fall. the entire wauy.
like a new-born deer. tring to find first steps... with... the..others.
-
-
(.arms around your heart.)..
stag-hugs...
trying to make peace with... a grace-ful doe....
she has eyes that make his Tail-twitch both are acting silly... . .x - x - x .
.ouch.! you can let go of my hand now... i think your..you.. yeeeow! your breaking my fingers off@
-
-
you know what maydn... i like sitting here with you... watching my fingers turn blue.
- i almost forgot i was a stupid male.
and thhat i got better things to do.
-no end-
--xo
(.comment added much later:) it can all be wrapped-up in my favorite chick-tract: ''this was your life'' www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0001/0001_01.asp?wpc=0001_01.asp&wpp=c
-
(.next comment:two days later.)
june-21 solctice sun now closest to the Earth. please stay out of the heat-waves.
-
.body looses iodine after... just a few sun-cell-mirowave exposures. .skin wont heal. .keep salt out of sunlight.
-
things to do: tug more hearts to visit galeeb.blogspot.com re-lated groops wood be: urbanscout.org survivalistbooks.com\groups farmersonly.com singles-tree forum at 'homesteadingtoday.com?', google:survivalist rewild retribe 12tribe xanga reenact
post important tools\lists at re-chat.
-
and most important of all: dont drive deudamiff crazy with your smiles..:-)... . . . x . just cuz he loves you.
-
(.more.typed late, after dark:)
i still have the 'first message'... ever-sent by hip_gnostic (now hxxxostic) to deuda_m.
the very frsst one.
(sigh) you-R so dream-ee!...
i want to hold your heart... watch it..pitr-patr.pitr-patr. even when 'rain-rain' feelings. makes you wet-wet.
teach me to hold your-heart... fffffirm until your done. and be a good male/to you.
i need to know i can hold-it. when emotions want to go-off!
i need to know 'my hands. keep you together... and do not pull you apart..
-
your words are so precious. your heart is so precious.
your words <-- um...? cuz i dont get to have a girl who can type\talk like that...
you probly shoodnt but... god knows...what males need. it was so few words.
they work so well on me. why me...why me.... people can laff it off. but i cant...
i got tuff-times now... E-Z-daze are gone..(4evry1) what you gave is all i got. i dont laff to well anymore (no1can). i have what you gave.
(.you are everything a male cood want.)
you sure know how to make me free-up-inside. its like you were pre-? pre-paired to help me.
before i ever knew you.
(.more.)
i gota quit typing like this...im trying to say: these words: ''your so precious to me.''
i will put them in our garden. and hope somthing good grows.
but your looking at me like you want that word 'precious' pulled out cuz you dont know what male is feeling.
well mrs.Bias Female you post some odd words too!
-
maybe i will just hold your words... a little titer. in my hands. in these dark-days and... say 'thank-you' (i printed them)
cuz 'thank-you' is all i can say when... stupid female cant understand.
-n-O-end-
-
(.next.) dark and late is the hour. crikets-chirping the 3rd moon 'looks' FULL. do you watch it with me? (yahhwn) mood:silly tired questions.
i cant think strayt when its this late... i wanted to keep typing anyway. i think you like it that way.
chills! cool-dark night. pitr-patr pitr-patr... you still feel warm and bright.
-
listen male..to her beat. listen male...at her feet. let her calm you. let her rest you.
cuz it took... a-lot of water a-lot of seeds to get-her this close to you.
water and seeds(flour) makes a fine pasty-mess. so you two can stick-together.
threw thick and thins. a friend loves at...(yahwwn) all times.
and her heart fffffeels good... when..it...rests safe.. in son-gods.(yahwwn)..hands. .... ... ... ..x. .zzzzzzzh.
-(.oh god how i love this maydn...dont ever take her away from me... make a-way for her and meet her deepest needs.
bring-her to yourself... soon,)
-
-
-
(.next morning.)
after-much... rubbing-thumping... sleep-walking? no sleep-humping..
the-day came back. and glad! to see it. that was a long trip. um..do we do that every nite?
i feel like going fora neet-new project. making kiefer cheese! after a walk(patrol).
but feeling you beside me pulls me back to last nite...
- (.looking at her.)
commited meens: to her only. i can talk about things i woodnt say-type to anyone else. (.thank-goodness.)
so here cums more: little-shows of affection. and tungue-kissis. must meen alot to maydn.
im leening on gnder108 cuz i dont knoe. male only thinks male.
thats why i need gnder108 tell me what she likes. tell me what i like but... was to ashamed to say it.
a real person put gnder108 together. see maydn? someone made alot of goof-ups. to find our differences.
so we cood understand each-other better.
its a step-stone so we dont have to 'goof-up'... and-or just get angry...
id hate to be the persons who made it possible. but then... see? wee need people. their hard-learned skills.
its a natural defense. to go-look for people... the kind you... ...want to be like,
even if they arnt human. they may have a 'trate.' you value. you hold to be.. precious.
-
(.more.) when this new-day gets to exciting for bed... i reech for a scripture-song... to get my mind fed. .in-tune with older-powers. .a person i want to be like: .god. . . .old-path says to sing it to maydn from a book. .but i dont like my voice.. and find it easier to just.. .flip-a-switch.mp3 . .(.still looking at you.) oh maydn...(.sigh.) your so....(-x- -x ----x) i better not say. . . i 'CANT' feel for you when you speak of tungue-kisses. i keep all my affections...um. between my legs...
but since girls got nothing like that...then they must make-up for it by having a tungue tuned-up for 'exploration' . .if thats what you need... .and you teach me to like it too. .you can 'have-at-it'. .i will seal my lips around yours. and you can have easy-entrance. .and go as deep as you want.
.committed to her. .meens meet...her urges. ..'NOT' make them worse!.. . . .did i say it right? . .maydn?
-
why are you looking at me... like that?
i was just tXXX..-O-
(.two hours later.) . .-O- . (.three hours later.) . .-O- . (.noon-time.) . oh maydn!....i see what you meen. but you hurt my cheese.
Thursday, June 19, 2008 (weblog) sexy-man @ re-tribe...
--
its sooooh beautiful.
its the answers i bin waitn for.
-
listening to your...
-NOW-
--
-
you typd somthing wonderful. Reed it with gendr108 and watch what happens.!
....very emotional.
--
.but it wont work!.
-
- WE-Be.. completly different creatures.
all you can do is...
''find somthing that guys like. and say 'thats it! thats it!''
- -
...??
he says:...thats what/./? she says: you like looking at my upper-half and lower-half.. right??..
...(.he wont answer.)
she says:well...thats what hugs do for me!
they drive me crazy!
hugs and little-comments. more and more every day. building up that love-bank.
-
letting me talk without you trying to fix-it. just letting me talk. and you listen listen listen.
that drives me crazy!
--
(.next.)
note: both sexes help and hinder... each other...bringing balance.
example: a womans body meens very little to me when i have maydn to love and type too. its better than lust.
but without her... i wood do anything for attention. any fantasy to fill the void. any body any lust. just stop the void..(no love)
- - - (.next.comment.)
-?-
maydn typed 'i love you dude!' .it finaly touched me. .it heeled a hard.(green) heart.
...femn1207.(abusive.) was moved. (.see link to deuda_m)
...and for the first time... ...i send my girl... flowers.?
.(teeeers)...
...here maydn. these are for you: ...link to flower-pic (fit for post) see urbanscout.org ic.org icdb localharvest.org honey-house? okokok sand-bag earth-architecture. . . ..X-x-- -o- . thank-you for being N-ear me. threw thick and sin... and all the things i shood've said... every day...every night...
thank-you for making me somthing i wasnt: nice to be with. for teaching me to be a man. and waiting and watering.
and not giving up on your plants...
even when you knew... ...it woodnt be much... even if it 'did' grow up.
-
atleast...
it grew you some flowers.
i love you.
--xo
see?
the captain does get into his prize-drawer,
mmmmh on a blue-blue-moon.
-no end-
-
-(.more bla.bla.bla.)
mood:passionate... but upset.
maydn?.
why didnt you tell me these things.? .what a girl wants...(.this-girl wants.) .god im so stupid..you have bin!... but even better at 6-19-08.
may-B you-R just more 'direct' -NOW- maybe i was just 'listening' -NOW- cuz i lost my queen.(.or felt i did.) .at the time.
---
.you still 'expect' things. . .List them!... . .but you say: i want it 'natural' .not cumming out of him cuz i 'said' to. . ..deuda_m answers: ..i understand that. .you dont want a dog. . .but he is a 'man'...his thuts .R-not woman-thuts. so...he CANT. .you-R dreamin of a guy who has .a womans-brain...it wont happen. . . . it wood be ideal...he wood know how you feel and everything. . .it wont happen. .men and women got different brains! .(gendr108) . .he looks at you. and likes what you got. . .but he dosnt 'got' one.. .so HE-DOSNT-KNOW...he wont ever. . .you say: .boy..if only you knew what its like to have a child... .. and i say: umm...no.thankgoodness i wont.! .im totaly a differnt creature. . . .im totaly blind. . .so when i ask for a honey-do LIST. . .be humble. . .admit its true: .he is a male. and will think-male. . .if that man is 'EVER' going to please me...im going to have to 'TELL' him what to do...totaly stupid. . . -?- . .are females blind too? .cant they see what we like? . .im thankful there IS commonground. . .but we get so excited we forget... . .where 'common' ends. . . . . .i'm not happy with this '2nd' .comment about your 6-19-08 post. . .im only typing it cuz...? . .things 'YOU' like..i need to let you.find. . .and you wont if i post only .things 'i' like. . .My extra words...are .extra kissis and hugs.. . .-x- x- -o? . .i still think 'kissing' is bad. .its 'meenz' to a girl. .somthing it wont to a bouy. . .see? . .different brains.? . (.he dosnt got one of those.. .so he dosnt know.)
--! . . .thats it! . .thats the problem: ...guys think! . .not 'one' moment are they .thinking like a girl. . .now you see why .i ask for lists.? . .as-soon as i stop reeding them. .(.what girls want.) . .i go back to what i do best. . .thinking.what guys think. . .see? now show love and patience .let it grow!// .cuz you got a place where its .needed:
between a man..and. a woman. . .and the kids between them feel the struggle. . .the love..the patience... .these two stand together. - - -
- (next comments.) (.day two:.) . .completely different thuts about you cum2mind at night. .and more! just b4morning. . . .the re-ality that you... .ARE the ??? of my life. . .deer male look closely! ..like.it.ore.not..she 'does' 'TAKE' your time... .and spends her time..with you. . .now... do you see whoat .that makes her.--> ? . ...-?- . .then ME sat-up in bed and got.. .very tense... .o-no! i thut. it cant be! .yes...no? . .you bin cumming to her so hard and so long you didnt.. notice it... . .she's 'the woman in your life' . .your deerest friend. . .you tell her everything. . .when you want to study Jarr-ring. you always include her, and talk to her about it..cuz she helps you focus. . .she has bin nothing to you.. .but the deerest friend... . .how cum you only notice it now? . .male? . .hello? . ..for someone who thinks alot you sure dont think much. . . .(.next comment.) . .maydn..im..im so sorruyY#! . .your so special to me and ui donut know hoew to sey it. .i necver will! (.stupid male.) . .just keep doing... .whatever you do. .and love me to. . .please? . ////..i love you even more than i ever did... each new problem... ..each new pain...makes males-heart 'bigger' for you.
female gets more pleasure.. cuz male is 'Big-Grrr' and so she 'gives' more. and THAT makes male even 'BIGG-GRR!!er;
and the love and relationships grows ever deeper, wider, taller. more gorgeous..more lovely.. more male...more female.. like a tree...spinning up and down at the same time.
its very lovely to watch.. ..um... its kinda nice to 'HAVE' too.
--
(.next comment.) so now i make-love to maydn every-day. and mate with her... almost every nite.
she is just so 'good' to be with.
she makes the heart happy.
-- she is very beautiful. i love her berry much. 00..ohh! -X-
-4ever-
-
(.more.)
-
yes i got your number you posted... yes i wood be shamed to loose it... i just dont know 'how' to use it...
...you are beautufull. ..i dont wunt to mesh up. ....just cus i dont know what to say.. .im glad you know me unside.
...buut outs-sid? um..im im just a guy, what 'fun' is that? . .wait... . .eveb uf you told me.. ; .i wood have to just be-live you. . .cuz 'fun' to a male isnt 'fun' to a female// . watching us both try to get 'fun' at the same time wood be...? embersing... and amu-sing. . .um... i love you.. . .you deserve all from your male! .. ...you dont qwit.(tears.) so.. .i besser not qwit.. ..i better love...do-it.
just for you. ..i will 'try' to. . .just for yuu. ..try to call soon.
00say i love you.
--
is it thaht hard? will i get hard? .. ...just calm-me down. ..your good at that.
--heart-burst! . . .no. .. . .i must be willing. ..cuz you want to .'Heart-Keep'...not..harm? . .and that makes mne want to talk to you even more. . .. . .. .er..i meen... .a man that wants to be good.
Deudame I was so glad to hear from him. I hardly believe it was you.
But you called for me! I am in Heaven!
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to say anything. I didn't know what not to say. I wanted to say everything all at once. I was hoping to just say anything. (very awkward feeling)
In shock I was. You know that moment righht before you're putting the jar in to seal? Is everything gonna turn out all right, spice and all? or could it explode right in your face? oh the pressure! i love it.
"Though we be lands apart, our hearts be as one."
i was hoping to be more patient and let the line still for a moment, that we might give ourselves some time to truly get on line and say....
eff-8--8.txt - - - - v8-15-08 3pm i want to be 'her' heart-keeper.
note: this post got BIG and hand-some. it built-up slowly. From many times. so just read the heart-parts you like. -- NOT-all.in.one.Gulp! emotions moo-d slowly.
paused at paused
Hi Maydn! ...
enjoy this...
it-is a males heart breaking for you.
'gush'...'gush'
maybe you can fix him later.
- - -
these are notes that began on 8-8-08...
(.next.)
nights are cooling... tomatoes are ripe. mushrooms and berries are back.
--
Early morning a dOe came to our garden with her two babies// white-dots on them..
totaly new to this strange world... sniffing everything. 'shiny' black-eyes
--
the 5th-moon is bright. i was thinking last nite...
'dont marry the girl you love' 'love the girl you marry'
--
wow...N.O.W.
thats tuff-love.
--
you be what you want to be to me. o-k? i see no faults in you. no ugliness ...no weakness.
its all gone.
blind was the love that brot me to you.
blind is love that keeps me at youR side.
--
(.next comment.)
mood:romantic
have not typed to you for so long!
inside me i fear it is my last!
i only came to gather your posts wich i have wanted so badly for moons now... (.or it feels like moons.)
the phone calls were great but that to must end... you have bin using my parents number and you can now ask them
what-ever you want about me. you are family. and you belong with me in these hills.
(.i keep you in my heart so dont worry about my teeeeers.)
if you leeve a message say its from 'Maydn'
i doubt my parents want to help you get to me.
they have kept me a lo-ner. and you will find out how badly as you ask questions...
they are very old! 70's and i have no one to love but you maydn.
so be gentle to them... they may not talk to you when they hear your beleifs thats the trouble-spot. so be carefull.
keep the door open long as you can.
when they die i will have no-thing...
dreams are hard to follow when family cords break.
--
compared to most boys on earth... i have already lived... a rich life.
and jesu has promised me more.
maybe more with you.
--
what about the new-age evolution god that is merging all relegions into ONE.
the coming of a Leader that will merge them All
the pope?
...?
i cant be a part of that. you know me maydn. 'lifes greatest decision'
i can not join a one-world beleif school-system...
i hear about evolution-theory and creation-theory...
and i came to my fatal decision: how old did Adam 'Look' when god created him? probly like me.
fully Mature.
--
but how old was Adam reeely? god just made him a few days ago.
same thing with evolution maydn. how old does the Earth look? how old does the universe look?
but god just made it a few days ago. that is a very frite-ning th-ot.
-wow!-
i hope that this leeds you to jesu soon.. .its just a phone call away... get on your knees and tell him what you think...
.. ready to take his offer.
no i do-not know how blood can 'pay' for anything.
no i do-not 'know' how Bad my faults must look like to a god that can-not forget.
no i 'do-not' know how horrible Hell must relly feel and scream like (.the real location.)
--
but it-is nice to know you do not 'need' to find out!
please maydn... before its to late?
tell him you will take him if he will take you.
--
you said you wanted to have a open-discussion about 'salvation'
i told you about: chick.com fellowship tract legue. wmpress.org
then you said... 'but what do you think?'
here is my answer: i heard it. i believed it. i asked him. i took him at his word.
like a little child that can not possibly see the danger or the cost...
i said:
jesu? clean me and gide me.
-thank you-
i trust you to clean and gide me.
no matter what i think of my-self.
(.more.)
i do accept that god made everything... but everything is NOT god! He is the Creator. everything else is create-ed.
i accept you. will you accept me.. im making what you did. my save-er. and nothing else added.
now help me live a new life with works you want me to be a-part of.
--
Deer Maydn...you wanted an open-discussion about the salvation-doctrine. but mostly what eye-think.
eye-hope eye-let you-see a little more about me... in the above few lines... i cood not do on the phone.
As for those menonites in and around you:...you will become like the people you are with the most.
you do have a-part.so-play it. with lots ofpractice. find good-heart-keepers.
I-aM-NOT...a good heart-keeper. you let me practice ON-You. and that meenz a-lot-lot to me.
but when i gide you to alcohol. drugs. sex. majic-words...than im destroy-ing your home. and im not loving-you. please forgive ME...and help me do better.
not be Abusive.
--
god?beiefs? is not out-side ones body like you told me...
the Bible says: WHAT? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy...which is in you. which ye have of god...and ye are NOT your own...for ye are bought with a price.(.his blood.)
therefore glorify god in-your-body and in your spirit.which are his.
i.corinthians 6:19
...so this meens YOU are the church. not a bunch of wood and stones. He wants to be with you. this is far from the mysterious methods and dead-headed relegion most people.(.me.) grow up with...
it is so clear to me that god wood be your deerest and real-est friend. for he MaydE the entire friendship-ideas to begin with! and love. and joy.
but 'free-choice'...which meens he waits....for you.to seek him. know him better. be closer. he has chosen to do this...by his WORDS..(jesu.) the same thing he used to MakE the stars.\\
Nature tells about him too. i like you adding new posts cuz they tell me about you. it makes sense that god wood be sure to leeve posts too. in nature, in his words. ...to you.
--
(.next comment.)
i know so little truth. just enuff to call him for help.
do i still do wrong things? will i change?
i do-not feel anything... feelings change.
so one bible-verse helps me so much:
king-james bible: the ep.john 1:6-10 (not st.john) if we say we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of jesu his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
if we say we have no sin, we decieve ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
(.maydn this next part i trust with my soul.)
If we confess our sins(faults) He (jesu is your only-priest) is faithful (not me) and just to forgive us our sins, AND to cleanse us from A.L.L. unright.
(.end.)
isnt that wonderful maydn? how wood you like to be forgiven....but not healed. how wood you like him to clean you. but never forgive you?
i hold this deeer to me cuz it tells me i can trust him...not feelings... feelings change.
no i dont feel clean all the time...that doesnt change his promise to clean. he must yet work with my feelings...
he has adopted me!
he is my Save-er. not church not Behaviour.
he knows i am a mess.. He did-not buy a perfect person...
he is still working on that.
--
nope.. he does not 'talk' to me.
He-knows.. what im go-ing to say... but he Waits for it cuz he likes it when we Ask.
i know you want me to ask you things too..even if you 'know' i want them... you wait for me to ask...
thats tuff-love..
he gave me the bible. to know exactly what He feels about me.and what people are doing around me. in their hearts.
how cood you not want that?
maydn.. please dont con-fuzse My mue-tated dis-torted per-verse sin-sual emo-tional eff-ectual love i have for you.. for pure-love... gods love...
i try my best..but...welll'? you know...i need to practice on you more.
--
(.next comment.)
here is one more frit-ning th-ot:
fossils do not happen!
when the Bison were killed by the millions... not one bone remained.
dead-things decay. scavangers?
--
fossils is proof of rapid-burial. unbelee-vable mass-destruction... a flood!...and no time to think.
fossils re-mind us that god reeee-lee hates evil.
the tho-ts of mens minds was only-evol continualy. so he ended that world.
judgment day came. there was no-time to screem.
and it will happen again.
--
please maydn....think of it.
--
i close the topic for now. but hey... why buy bread when you can marry the baker! god wants you... that much.
and it wood be a shame to trust 'your' eternity to a pope-LiE like evolution. my-god wood never do that.
--
(.close.?) no.. wait!... maydn did share with me somthing she-said ment alot to her... it says:the doctrine of effectual calling, by soveriegn?grace.com an anabaptist? essay
she said its not perfect but it sums up her beliefs as close-lee as she knows.
(.next comment.)
wow! i thut id N-ever get to this part: my papers to type in for you maydn to reed...
--
i was going to say it on the phone. but your voice...um... my chest got tite and i knew i cood never say it to your face.
i got a stupid voice anyway... you need to hear the romantic man. the gorgeous sexy-beast you love on streem-8. and not me.
--
the words are from the heart. i know cuz i wrote them. and you canot enjoy it when you got a nerd-voice (.mine.) trying to talk them to you.
--
typing is better. here it goes, here it flows... from a heart that learns to love you:
(.papers start here.)
so grab my balls and keep me faithful.
please understand. thee-se are only my feelings.
i like having them. but feeling canot be trusted. feelings change. but i will always share them with you maydn.
--
mood:love,commitment, and feelings for heart and body.
--
i dont like hiding things from you anymore 8-8-8 ... cuz you are great to be with. i dont want to loose that.
i will tell you everything unless you say not to.
--
if hour toes ever do touch. i just want you to know that i surrender to you completely as my Queen and my Bride.
to open my heart to you and satisfy you completely and constantly.
as you have given me so much pleasure and so many opportunities to practice loving and obeying you.
--
to constantly keep your bed vibrating and passionate.
to pull your hair and excite your deepest senses.
to take care of your needs, long-eengs, and dreams.
''i may..fuck you fantastic OR fuck you till you die. you-R choice''
note:''this was messaged to me. and yikes! i like it lots. so its now typed bak to you.
--
(.more.) mood:commitment, feelings for heart and body.
for i have found my deep-est joy in loving-you. and be-ing Loved 'BY' you. it hardn has-bin so wonderful.
How can i not listen to you when all i want iz to be with you More...
U-give my Poor-Heart Songs. and Joys a Man cood Never de-serv.
(.more.)
You Are Flowers For my Heart. (.see pictures.) and give Me warm-m Hopes. When i need your company and your words so desparatly.
--
In Love you may Correct ME. In my Faults Be Merci-full. your beauty adds new flavours to every Heart-part of Me..
giving my heart-parts new features new skills to enjoy.
You fiil-up my health my time and my thots. ALL rite-fully yours. and spent with You.
--
For She Has Won my Heart. I wood keep my Arms around Her. I wood know if she Loves me too,
As making-lob-2U. as you flow around me do. show me how to please you...?
My Every-Longimg goes to you. Your-BEAUTIFUL-JEart.
--
affections for me... Not just with your time. but with your heart-beats i can feel them all.
--
(.end.)
that is the end...and.. Im NOT going to type ALL that.
(??...ooops...i did.)
cuz i think any-bouys jeart wood say the same thing. if you gave jim a cjance two.
Its just a si-en that my affections for you are Reel and Healthy and Normal. for a Gie tp have.
And Yes....YOUR.LOVE.HURTS.
--
...but its good for me. thank-you Maydn for giving me all these feelings.
and lot-and-lots of practice.
... Long Live The Queen.. ..who insisted on better and stronger Males for herself.to Love. ...
(.end of paper 8-8-08..)
..next pasted later:
paper 8-9-08:
Just silly boy-ish stuff, but i must have Ment it. cuz it got on paper.
Some of it i think isz bad. i dont KNOW what my heart is saying sometimes... so i just write it down. and hope you will forget it.
the parts you like... i may sing theM to her?
i want to say a good-nite Wish.
do yoy want to change it a little? do you like it the-way it is. i want it to please you...
this meens letting someone else finger the paper-work.. .(.i love that.).
i like what i write... but when you Add little changes... ...WoW.!! my fantasys can-not even do that.
--
God brot the animals to Adam... to see what he wood name them...
maybe a girl cant understand this. but your Male goes crazy-with-love when you add your own touches... it becomes 'our' home. not 'My'.
do you see maydn? some things are left un-done... on purpose// heart-parts are.. missing.
when you make the changes... you are helping me love you.more.. AND-THATS...what i reee-ly wanted.
--
(.next comments.)
Write This Down...WTD:
I Love You Maydn//pause. I love loving You. I love making-love To You. I love making-more words of love To-you.
and then getting Them all red-ee For-You.
..it just feels so good. this wont get Notty i hope.
--
(.more.notty.)
Teach Me to fall in love with you again. over and over again.
make me so pleasing 2U/ that you can-nut stand it.
the words.the songs.. the goals. the Habits.
Modify Him so that He is only able to Please...YoU.
--
locations.commitments.patients. kindness.gentlness.peace. and lots of hearrt-tug-gzz.
--
On the other-side of things: do you like it when i re-Model you//?
do you like it when i RET-you. do you like it when i comb your hair with special words.
do you like it when i Poo-uLL your tongue into my mouth and say:
''mu-mmpf ffef Lmmpff Fooof! ''
tung-out that wood be:
Maydn.. I Love YOU.
--
you have posted so much! how can i not love yyou/! i love being yours. your words capture me.
--
i love it when you add stuff. adding and rubbing a feminine flavour to give it more taste.
(.tasty for a girl anyway.)
keep adding and rubbing...
example: do you like how i talk to you? dp you like story-time. do you like it when your maLe gives full attention to your Heart-parts.
do you like the topics. do you like me too?
--
(.more.)
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. i canot answer a girl that opens herself to me like you-do.
all i can say is: i Love you so much...it hurts. please know it/ feel it.
it is the kitten playing with the grass-hopper.
To-Fun.to-Much.yum-Yum.
--
(.more.)
Maydn? you can always say 'NO! to me...
...did you 'know' that? beutiful music wood not be beutiful if there were not 'stops' at the rite places.
saying 'No' to me is a test. its painful...but it Helps me become a better Male 4U/ and... i find-out what you dont like. part of me is forced to obey you...and that-is Love at its pure-est moment.
did not i 'Ask' for changes? sometimes a 'No' is the most powerful thing you can 'Add' to your male...and the heart parts you both are growing.
--
(.next.)
so...please 'Add' your little ideas and changes to mee. It helps me know you love me.
-green branches will not always be green. the longer you hold them' the harder they get.
Bend them to fit your taste. but dont break them. these are skills of a heart-keeper...
and mine... is You. --x--xo
--
so touch me while you can. water my heart with your smiles and tears.
it will only make a better Man.
a better lover. a better friend. a better Year.
...and...um... spmthing better to mate-with too.
(.end of paper 8-9-08.)
--
this next stuff is from papers that show some times we had on the phone.'
the parts i wood not say over the phone may be here too.. so it may get a little Bu-ump-ee//
papers 8-10-08:
somthing in me still crys for peace.... maybe the world gives only tastes so we wood ask jesu for the real thing.
--
be a-part of rite works.
Are You shy around new people?
love 'your' needs... dont be ashamed of needs.
i say that to myself .um.. cuz i need maydn.
--
i so-WanT her with guys that Stay 'with' their Mate. customs they keep probly cuz they Meet weekly with others who do-too...understand?
i want to say a 'church' but then...a tatoo-shop cood be called a 'church' so cood a public-school.
the reasons people flock together..can be strange.
--
is marriage an agreement to stay together...or is an agreement a marriage...?
ooof! when two bodies become one.
--
Its amazing the books i now look-at..the plants i now study...just cuz i got a heaart to teeez... a girl to pleez,,all is new.
you said once: WILL YOU BE MINE. ...thank-you maydn..for be-long ...ing... to me.
--
(.next comment.)
a small record of phone calls: (.cuz i loved them.) with parts on paper i never said...cuz it was to-hard to squeeze in...when you are talking in real-time mode.
to the One You Love -start:
Hi Maydin, i want you with me tonight, is that o.k.? -we can talk about our dreams. Or i can just reed books to you More.
-you can say 'no' .. ..but cum anyway,,,please. cuz i need you, i want you. i love you...i just want you to be red-yy.
-can you call me anytime. you can leev a message.too. -i relly want you to say 'yes'. will you call me when redy?
just say this is maydn or wait for me. i will try2have things redd-e when you cum. (.call.)
get rested first cuz i want to get ruff..(.lots'o questins.)
-um...maydn...you CAN say 'no'. ...to me. i can wait. im committed to You. so if... your not available..oR your.. 'natural' depression-mood comes back.... i can wait.
(.weaks.)
-i want you to be in-th-Mood tho. i dont wantyou doing-it cuz you know i want-it.
-I'd feel better if i cood reeed your eyes and mood myself... but i cant...i'm on the phone. im trusting you teLL yor h-art.
...i..kind'of know it.. ..but..then i kind'of do-not. Me loves you!...thats the Only way i can 'find' you sometimes.
--
(.next-paper.)
Are You Ready for This?
In our Honey-House, In the living-Room. is a topic you asked for. you can look at it. play with it. write it down. Now oR Later.
--
i REEL-ee want to go-for a walk with you into story-time. again, but if you want to just stay Home and Talk we can do that...
i try to put//everything in my heart on the Table for Yu two Look at.
--
I Remember submit-ting to Yu! as my Queem when we sat beside streem-ate...when i first open-ed to you and showed you th-Lion...
th-boy.th-brother...and other feelings i have...i bRot them to Yu and described them as best as i cood.../hoping Yu wood take
THEM and love ME always....but/ now i see i'M not very good at putting anything on the table. ...i take to long. i wait days before i answer you..and i dont talk very well...
(.Try typing all this to Me/// and you will know what i meen.)
And when i get a Topic Red-ee for you...is it? femenine.? no! its no use to you...
i put these words together// just for you//cuz im getting enuff of you to Stay excited and in love...
i wish i cood do same for Yu.
(.next.)
Now we can get into Topics wich need your-special-touch. in the Honey-House.
Or,spend time beside streem-8. where i love you always.
Or, we must venture a long Trip in-to Mountain-ear-ring books. Grimm Tales
and-Or just go Thicken. Below-the-Root.skills: Jarr-ing. Cellar-ing. Honey-Pots for poo-bear. for an icy-cold-winter.
Or, ..play in the Kitchen. with new Recepies...Tea?
I just want to be..so. so...Oh!-Bee-dee-Ant.to You. to Your Wishes At this Time.\\ .In.love.
...cuz you-R beautiful. ..cuz your Lips fill sweetness. ..you-R Hair Fair and lovely. ..your hands-R gentile kind.
I have loved. every-thing about you. and Still do..love thee! .papers and papers. ......of You..are kiss.es,for my heart... with dreeams of what i wood do to you.
grabbing you by the...! ...uh.!!! . wait...umm. . ...? . . .(.skip this part.)
--
got Pen and paper? WTD:Write.This.Down:
i love-d your type-ing... And i want to List-en to you More. I want You to B-ring my Heart down. I want to Want-you More. Even if all My heart-parts Are all-red-ee Yours.
--
(.end.)
Last Paper of scribbles:
Yes.E=very-One wants to be pleased-with-Self... but emotions change.
I Hate Hate and Love Love. i need Jesu! he Makes emotions worth while. with reel place for them.
peace with God..is Tops.
--
(.Next.)
woo-ing woo-ing Yoo-N2-Mee.
I will Try to touch Your Heart...Since.. Yu-Are-Let-ing-Mee.
moving my Hands care- fully to Please Yoo.
I will Never Leave You Nor Forsake You. .said back-words: You FORsake,Nor You Leave,Never.Will.I.
--
mood:extreem passion-8
i did: and i do:
yes I do, eye want two st-rrroke You and Make ewe sorry You ever becum-ed strong-enuff plus hard-enuff two Mate!
stirrr-Oak-king You. Long-enuff. and Harrrd-enuff.
to make-U sqW-ueeeL! -eek!.-eek.-eeeL. like a goose get-ting her parts..PLucked-/
Or give me a Plus for going to hard// say HeeeL horse-eey!. uh...uh..., HeeeeeeeL..uh!
buzz-buzz drip.drip.
til.yore heart is 'Knit-ed' to Mine.
.gooey-goo-eey.sticky.slipery. sweet and chill-ee. cold and wet your skin on mine.
toes are touching heels are hitting..
over and over.
Rubb-Rubb-ON cool green Mints. Yum-ee Yum-ee Tug and Bumm-pee Fair Hair falls upon Me. Ride-ing Ride-ing On the Love-Lea Waves.
--
Snow and Ice Climb-ing Approaching Peeks. stops for her and for him. cold winds. then cruel rains.
mountain-Near-ing... is the pleasure worth the Pain?
Yikes! what squeel was that? sweet-sweats sweetly heer-ring your Peek... IT makes Me a Man... and a Better One for You.
--
(.hearts MEL-ting.) move that pressure! she knows i feel tense. and.with-out-her..empty. 'Belly of the beast.'
so we keep our bare-backs together...always in love. always lock.ing. with licks and nibbles.
this wonderful feeling freedom: privi-ledge lace-ed to response.ible/
(.more.)
I MATE with You. tit-lee to my Heart. i dreem about it. and hold-it. without you knowing. cuz of my deep-deep-need to be Loved 'By' -You.
I dont real-e want to think of touching you.
Its just a 'need' i Have... to be a-part of somthing 'special'.and sweet.femenine. and gorgeous///just gofer-ous -You.-
A girl as Majic-call as the ...snow-drenched Nountain-inns... a Bride as Beautiful as You. a girl i want to think of... ...always.
--
I wrote..(.down.) a song. about you...and my feelings for you..(.skip it.) take it off the menu.if your not that hungry.
song starts: (.mens-voices with a southern-country accent. and carasol-Waltz tune.)
You Folks From the City Have Reely missed Out.
Your Food is so bor-ring and Plain.
Just Come to the Mountains and you will find out. What adventure a Meal can contain!
chorus:
oooh! Possum-Pot-Pie oh possum-pot-pie. I love every Morsal, each Ear and Each Eye.
Yum-Yum what a Feast. In a Puddle of Grease.! I cant get enuff of that Possom-Pot-pie! --
(.next.stanza.) A Possum is viscious when Eaten alive. But He's gentle and kind when he's deaddd.
His Tail is de-licious when battered and Fried. And hid Brains are quit Taste-ee on Bread! ead!
oooh! (.goto chorus.)
(last.stanza.) Oh How It Makes My Mouth Water to Think About Possom-Pot-Pie.. oh possum-pot-pie.
i love every morsal each ear and each eye. yum-yum what a feast in puddle of grease..
i cant get enuff of that pozzum-pot,possum-pot, possum-pot-pie!!!
(.end of song.)
(.more.)
I Hope You Will Let Me Hold You. cuz you reely ARE those things. to me.
When You Call Me to Your Side. I reely fall in love. and i get so nerv-ous.
But i know in my heart you dont want to Hurt Me....i know you do these things on me cuz you so-much-love-me.
And You want your Man to Take a Big-grr part in Loving You...Making him strong and hard. a Father to be proud of. a boy to re-tribe. a lion to keep un-Tamed a brother to bout with. a Man to test the world. a lover to 'woo'.away.
--
all these things. i will be to Maydns Heart. just 'try' to be myself. and her words will make the other feelings cum-out.
for she is Now Mistress. a girl turned 'heart-keeper.' she rewards obedience and breaks rebels with her patience.
Men are attracted to That. the protection she offers.' i want that protection. i want a girl who will make my heart strong and health-eye.
--
(.more.)
She is a bit rruff for a woman. Tribe-al...kNot-tea...moo-dee.. dis-content....wanting growth. all tipical for a pioneer-girl.
Maybe she just Needs me to be Hand-some to her. let her... .breeth kisses into my Hands..
Maybe i can Make your heart beat-faster.! Maybe you will show me How...soon.
Maybe i must Spank You and love-you on both-ends// when you have bin good and when you have gain-ed new-growth on one of your heart-parts.
I can celebrate your smaller vicktories buy pulling your tungue into my mouth and Hurt-ting you deeply with somthing you need...reward.!
a mans true love for you.
--
when Hump-ing and Thump-ing gets almost To pleasing... I can slow-down and tell you agin how beautiful you are.
and How badly a Man loves your eues and your Jeart. cuz you are so pure to look at. so sweet to the taste.
so worthy of ALL that this Man can open to you.
--
paused.
(.end of papers 8-10-08.)
--
(.next comment.) (.next night..8-12-08)
bright egg in the sky. i can touch it with you. this is the fifth-moon. 2Sam.sOs.jonah.
yes my good-night-wish is words that cum to me. and please only-me.
but behind them is another critter... a heart that is saying: maydn please love me...(.pain.)
this small inner voice says: maydn? please! do changes. make the words pleasing to you...stuff you want your Male to say every night.
i want you to say: o-wow that-iz. nice.... but i want it more like THIs...(.insert.)
--
mood:informative. this is also true for story-time, and songs. and what i type...
and my voice... (.phone calls.)
example: send me tips.
tell your boy to slow-down...Bee-calm... buzz-buzz// dont talk threw your nose. use darker-tones...
use your german to confuse and mystify me Romanticly...
--
(.more.)
what im reeely saying is... customize me so iAM the hand-some guy you reely want. modify me for you-only.
--
i guess when i do things for -YOU- i shood also remember you are having the same feelings too.
and want me to change (.teach.) you a little...eg:RET-me!
-- i did not know i wood like you reeding 'mountaineering' books to me...but the effects later were wonderful... i fell in love with you deeper... and all over again. (.that hurts.) --
as a spouse you are spouse to gide me my heart into good things... yes your love hurts... the pain can make ONE day never end.
but i can not say no to you. cuz the pain meenz somthing is healing..growing.
--
if i felt no love-pain... it wood meen the wound is inffected.no feeling. which leeds to diseases.
-- thanks for the practice of loving you...please pretend you dont see my weak-ness. im pretty brave..till i hear your voice... -- and skip the parts you dont like. i dont delete much of you cuz im so lucky to have you. any part of you. --
i know i said 'i love you' .and it hurt. boys dont need love. .so that phone-call was hard. for me.
--
boys 'do' need love// it kind-of shows...cuz...
i type endlessly to you.
--
galeeb.blogspot.com re-tribe-ing is nice...its nice to love people that way.
heart-keepers of water and seeds. (.real seeds...not hybrids.)
--
its nice...its nice to love that way. but nobody can love me back!
till Maydn came... i sense her love...and emotions. she... gives me treasures i never ever can pay back.
its bin so fffff-good for me.
--
i like to think maydn is reeding these words in bed ...and enjoys them... very much....
even if they were not designed to please you. (.help me with that.)
still it shows a man that likes all her heart-tugs.
god said: its not good for the man to be alone...i will make a help(her) that is right for him.
--
::::I Love xOx Maydn::::
--
(.more.) sometimes i 'feel' like you do-not love me....
so i try to remember the things you typed.
my heart frets.doubts.etc.
and if you ever do too... (.empty feelings.) i just want you to know its NOT true...Not even for a heart-Beat...
and i love you. only you. only always.
--xo xoo x
bery. bery. much. you make stags and males and even go-fers cry berry berry hard.
cuz you are so beautiful and skill-full and lovely.
they all want to be with you. (.me.first.please.) i just hope you will let me be closer. cuz i need your affections and lots and lots of kissis.. to keep me Re-tribe-ing.
ooh! Ret8girl i love you. and live to life you more. let me grow strong under the tears of your correction.
i am afraid of the old... 'i dont care' 'i dont meen it' attitude...i see it on many faces today...the wild love is gone... everything everyday is hum-drum. same-old same-old boring-ness.
but faithfullness is beautiful. if i dont listen to you just threaten me...keep me awake.
listen-ing to you...only you.
--
you get my attention more than i know it...
--
(.next comments.)
dont read below this line.
these are scattered random thots that reely never found time or words... and dont belong on a beautified girl like you....
i left this mess here cuz... sometimes things have meanings...just dont take it to heart.
(.More.)
mood:impatient, but not angry.
why did you let-me hang-up the phone so quickly?
I HATe That!
behind that phone call is much more than 'bla.bla.bla are you available?' talk.
hum-drum keeps people from thinking or feeling past the every-day norm. rat-race.
--
leeds that leed to nothing. its all going to burn! kept you running in circles. and some people like that.
its my fault... i radicaly attack 'NORM' or i used-to! with re-tribe. i see im slowing...bogged down by new lies cuz the old lies were not keeping me-busy enuff.
to entertained to care?
you know what i meen? everyone around me is 'busy' so i say 'oh' maybe i shood pretend to be busy also.
rules: show no emotion. do nothing unless money is involved. smile. but-dont-care. keep your ''everybody else does it.'' attutude.
--
in my heart i still say: god this world is a mess! help me find my place in it. even if it be small... my place is-big if that is what you want for me.
to do or think. or type.
--
(.next comment.)
mood:very happy and very hurting.
me and sister were home-schooled... we met with other home-schoolers feeling alone in a crowd of people.
--
when i see what public-schools are doing i dont feel isolated. i feel mind-cleaned. but not brain-washed.
--
my bible says you shall not allow a witch to live...
but now HARRY is in the 'required' school curriculum on a global scale. little girls i see today got that look in their eye// mommy?...i want to be a witch.
--
so i think: my god! its happening. the seeds are planted. the new-world-order. the U.N.the.U.R.:united relegions.
but its o.k. let them have their fun with earth. the results (.History.) is always the same: they promise to fix things// results: everybody gets killed.
--
(.more.)
i remember working as a homeless person on a very wealthy menonite farm. i found it just by wandering. and the man just liked having me around...he had many children.
but without any form of media... guess who become the entertainment. the people that come your way.
i remember giving tours to city people of the cows pigs horses and buggy-rides...sometime whole families wood come. they claimed to come to see the puppies... but i cood see-it in their eyes. they were looking for somthing else.. somthing i came 1,000s of miles to find also....of corse farm-folks dont see it. they just think city-people are strange... 'socialy-tortured' wood be a better word.
i remember taking them under narrow dark path-ways where the feed was carried to different animals...and the huge silo for all the corn-mash.
Wow! one man said...if you add the wood.livestock.work to build all this...it wood be way over a million dollars!...
...but..to a person like me who had no use for money....those words hurt. is that it? i said to myself... is that why no one else in this whole county will come here to help Run things the way it used to be?
just me? cuz all people think in terms of money.or illigibility. and what if that man reely was able to buy land... this farm...
wood he ever use it? He still wood not have what money cannot buy: people with the heart to run land and waters the way it was. life as it was/.
those old habits effect how you use structures.
--
a fine example is yet another farm. someone rich had bot-it// it was an old-fasion dairy Barn and Mill. all the parts were in place..
but the heart was gone. these structures were built buy people long-ago..a different life-style. but the new owners knew nothing.
worse still the kids are in college. which meens they got a modern-view plenty of poker-friends and well. lets just say that the milk and grain will not flow from here. cuz the heart was gone. long ago.
it wood only take one heart... to bring it back. but modern-media and peer-pressure keeps people following into a social-suicide. or what ever you want to call todays mentality. non-local items.
they were hi-salary buisness folks from the city. so the barns and feed-containers were used for storage...sports..parties...plays and left empty most of the time. which was good for me cuz i cood rest in peace. or so i thot.
and i compared. and wondered at what was reely valuable in this life. most folks never see these options. they stay busy. but i wander-ed. and found more wealth than i cood use. yet owned nothing. and owed nothing. i just want my part in this.
--
(.next comment.other topics.)
a small book found at summer-camp 2008: understanding recession and investments 1979 by E.R.C. economic research council
hhhmmm.... frite-ning things. About money:it has no value! its just a paper-promise.
Robbery.control.Crime happen between: Banker, paper-printer. and laws.
to avoid this.. one must start his own paper-promises... each bill backed by a REAL-Item.
.the item was gold. but now its nothing! ... so evil things happen.
gold and diamonds are gotten by destroying the earth. its a relegion of 'scarsity'
what? its not valuable unless its Rare? what nonsense! ..less is less. gold is a rock! find me somthing useful. edible..is valuable.
its all about greed: you can have your farm back. if you work for 'our' money. and values.
real values:water.seeds.farms shood be cared-for. not purchased. money has no value.
the real 'Bank': Jars Barns Root-cellars is wise. you cant eat gold. forget money...trade seeds!
--
start your own money. baked by somthing! a talent, a skill, a promise to do work. and this shood all be kept local. the local community money-system. with the real-goods kept localy. (.a community bank.)
the goal:break the power of central-ized banking.
so they canot start man-made recession depressions and wars. bankers do this.
they get control of assets. the people get worthless money. hitoricly it happens over and over again. its a social-control..keep you working .while you get barely enuff to survive.
'credit' actully meens 'debt' thats all they want for you.
this is not the american dream. its just people who can do right... but choose to do nothing at all. im guilty of this attitude also.
in the end..we are are just kids fighting over resources.. destroying them and ourselves. till nothing is left.
--
,can i still tell maydn i love her anyway?.
...now you see why jesu must come. ,,,to save man from himself... like maydn often does to me...
only jesu did come...and they killed him.
now a false-jesu is coming.. the whole world will love him all relegions will worship him... a new version of an old problem.
compare pictures of egyptian pharoahs with the popes. same results: mass destruction. all in the name of peace.
--
a few choose not to. respect united nations. (free-will)
remember:.god spearated nations. so what force wood unite them? you dont want to know.
yes, we want security... but what do you do when the only criminal is the one running the security cameras?
--
why do you think the constitution demands citicizens bare arms! so we cood go duck-hunting?
nope...founding fathers saw the real problem was...the government...
socialism: the state becomes the all powerful provider. no independent farmers. people become numbers. better known as a democracy. which always become dictatorships. we plunder other nations. with'our debts.
falsified education welfare health etc. to dictate everything about you.
its not welfare. its not independence. its getting you hooked on free stuff so you wont fend for yourself.
why fend? when gov can do it all.
people become state-property (.controled by debts.)
--no end--
(.next comment.) (.one our later.)
its burning outside in the garden. everything smells like hot popcorn. Or is it just me?
im back here typing cuz it finaly dawned on me: i can tell you anything i want.!
o.k.. so i will.
--
Bunyans Pilgrims Progress... is a famous-famous book of early christian-fiction. it left deep-impressions on the young Benjamin-Franklin which reflects much in his later-writings//
this makes me wonder just what Harry Potter is doing to kids today...yes.. its just fiction...but!
(.more.)
Franklin was smart...He collected sayings and just added new spark and wit to them....which made his small publications famous.
why make your own...when great things have already bin written...was his theme. and this agrees with the say-ing i made for myself:
'dont read books about great Men...Read the books that great Men red.'
--
(.other topic.)
doctrine of sexual-calling.??
Lust and Love are always.
Lust wood be my fantasy-girls which cannot love me back.
Love wood be a Real girl. that loves me by choice.
Lust lost so much value that i removed femn1207 to let maydn have me more.
my need to love her ment loving someone outside myself.
so my ideas of the ten-commandments totaly-changed.
Once dry.and humor-less. (.god must hate fun.)
i looked again... wait... these ten commands are important. to me. i dont want someone to 'steel' from maydn.. i dont want her life wrecked by adultery...
god wrote these words with his own finger. He Wants the best for us...for hearts. to have and use the world.
what good is the gift ? of life without the instruction-manuel. (.the Bible.)
and to see governments taking the ten commands away from thier court-rooms. (.heart-rooms.)
to separate church and state is very scary.
it meens loving your naybor as yourself///is not required. .probly cuz judges themselves have other intentions.
laws are geared now for anarchy. with loss of life and property as the goal...making laws that protect the crime.
U.N. re-inforces its mandates: 'Re-distribution of common goods.' (.watch the wording.) ...better known as communism.
..is a global event, if your naybor has need. he has rite to take it.
if sqwatters want to live in your house...they can. cops cant stop them.
these new rules are making men fall into despair. see what its doing to the economy in Germany as of 2004. and you will see what Your Area will soon be like.
crime will be legalized.
you will soon see what the-new-world-order is all about. bringing people back to surfism. and the dark-ages where popes rule. and peoples own nothing.
--
(.topic change: sex sex sex.)
words:squirt-gun.me-like. rigid..hand-l it. huge. center-palm, mans-life.etc
messages you sent. i so adore them... once i figure them out. (wow:endless orgasm.)
what male wood 'not' be pulled to you instantly for typing that.
im deeply impressed.but. i dont think i responsed well. not as you expect. and.i want to so bad.
-- yes satan wants men to twist pervert and change what god ment for sex and rules.
(.remember that God Made It.)
when i look at maydn. all i see is a beautiful girl. not somthing i can have.(bed) so i skip to somthing more important:
i look right into her heart and try to see her in myself.... the screems she cant say. the dreams we both want.
(.i hope this one gets to you.)
--
i put my hands on my sholders and across my chest and try to feel what she feels about this world.
hurting deeply about her when she is not looking. it makes me think tbe strangest things///
till i begin to say to myself: wow! maydn is wonderful...! i wish i knew the lioness the mother the girl the sister. the heart-parts inside her. better.
--
i will try for 'the-girl' cuz like 'the-boy' in me... it is the heart-part i am most happy with...
i believe i wood love to know her 'girl' better...or make one for her if she feels she grew-up to fast and it was neglected.
being 'girl'is not popular. todays perverted schools force lioness-thinking on ten-eleven year-olds all in the name' of sex-education...
--
i want to get angry but... my heart is not a place for anger.
maydn makes me jealous somtimes... but thats a good thing... if its used right.
--
so now i got a crush on maydn so bad i go looking for girl-stuff for her.
and i find this book: Beautiful Women. a christian approach to beauty.
on the cover is a picture of the Mono-Lisa.. (.famous old-painting.)
with her strange smile. and a cartoon bubble showing what she is thinking...
it says: does this dress make me look fat?
--
those 'worries' make me laff. but im here for maydn... i want to 'know what girls hurt for and about and possible answers and lots of stuff i normaly wood never think about...
except this girl maydn is gripping my heart so painfully. i just want to know more aboyt her. maybe i shood just ask her.
--
the book tells of T.V. media music and all-sort things girls shood have no-part of...
but the author wants to be using words girls can relate to Today... even if its not right.
--
To amish i doubt the book wood make much sense... amish are very good heart-keepers. not time-waste-ers.
but if maydn can love me. than i can put-up with this strange book.
and maybe pick-out some treasures in it.
like she does when she reads my posts.
--
yes its scare-eey to see all the things girls are playing with. but when you find out why... your heart will break.
--
example: barbee dolls. to a guy...its just a toy. right? not in the hands of a young girl. objects placed in your hands at a young age leeves deep impressions.
she says: i want to be beautiful like barbie.
but she never says: i want to be a bio-logical-imposibility like this anarexic distorted mal-nurished image im holding in my hand.
--
but what happens when she becomes a teen-ager? she wont eat. it mite make her fat. her mind is ruined by propaganda. not to mention the helpless feelings the mother may have, fits, anger, words... all go into that little girl like a tape-recorder. its horrible.
i now see this.
--
now add movies and witches to pop-culture and i can predict no survivers. childhood is lost.
May god destroy this nation soon. for the childrens sake.
--
any way... the book goes on with a dedication: to my girls! and then the intro.
it then shows how 'beautiful' is always changing.
so you shood focus on inner-beauty.
not what people say.
the book gives four 'styles' so 'beautiful' depends on the style you prefer.
styles:Elegant.Active.Feminine.Colorful.
a question-answer section helps you find what style you mostly tend toward
and then you jump to the part of the book where beautiful
descriptions of bible-women are given and recommended steps to help compliment your style yet more.
its a nice book. for a curious heart like mine. i even took the test...
it said i was 'feminine'. in preference not appearance i hope. and active.(out-doorish) and colorful.(bold) but not elegant.(.fancy.) just plain and primitive.
is this the kind of girl i shood find? do opposites attract? dont tell me i will get stuck with an elegant-snob who wants lots of class with no content.
god be merciful.
--
the book ends with the 'putting it all together' section. where you get to pick your wordrobe. for your body-type.and style.
--
if these things are important to a woman...
i guess im glad to see it now. im going to ask maydn to correct the book.
but deep inside...i think maydn relly wants to be beautiful... inside and out...to herself and to my eye-zzz...
then why does she read my posts? there is nothing beautiful about that. did this book leeve-out somthing girls like-need-want and long-to-have?
i think the focus of the book was more girl-sister. not lioness-mother. and mayden may be wanting me for all four.
i love her for that. with kisses and stroking up and down her goose-honky neck-feathers.
-no end-
other books i read cuz of her: the 'husband' book: understanding a womans moods.. orgasm,menstration,pregnancy.
next book: sayings-of benjamin franklin\marriage. you cant trust women and naybors.
the other book: ...a 1979 novel of a girl who grew-up a nazi..in conditions very sim to what america is today.
it tells of her long-ings and what to expect in a culture that teaches evolution, hatred, and results of war. did you know evolution is the foundation for marxism,communism,nazi-izm. survival-of-the-fittest races. and the new-world-order.
japan said they were the master-race. cuz they had less body-hair...which prooved they were further evolved from the apes than we were....yep.whatever.
back to the book: in the end she invites jesu-god to be her best friend in such hard times
living in a... 'No one-cares so why shood i' culture.
book title: HANSI daughter of the swastika
-no end-
--
(.next comment.new topic.)
im done. i just dont internet anymore. i did all i cood. i got enuff survival-nfo now to last 4ever.
i dont want the future of internet. dont forget:....web meens trap.
im so lucky to have met maydn. she tracked me all this time. she true-lee loves...my notes.
and that tickles me. to love her. and my notes more. like re-tribe-ing. and why.
--
i still internet just for her. but i hope it stops soon. actualy it never stops... me and her know that.
saying goodbye or goodnight. does not meen any-thing. cuz when i close my eyes... she is still there.
.
i love her.
--
(.next.comment.) (.day four.8-13-08)
my close incounter with maydn last night left me with all soort strange feelings...
not strange...just wonder.
--
i call it ; boy-food.
cuz im still trying to describe what it felt like to be with her. it was not at all like last week.
last week: the-lion was constantly adding words and trying to stick his tale into everything.
thats o.k. i just wanted my heart-parts to talk to her. she said the next week that it was scare-ee for her.
oR maybe just the possom-pot-pie was.
so this week i took it off the Men-u.
--
this week was even more fantastic, the Queen walked into the court... and of corse all heart-parts get excited with her words.
the-boy and the-brother. they both were sitting at her feet listening with much joy. to her montain-eer stories.
--
later we red a GRIMM tale. an adventure with gile + st.peter. gile is always trying to get rich. (.old tales have secret meenings.)
later me and maydn went to the Root-Cellar to learn More. real treasure...is knowing foods.
i took maydn back to the Honey-house at okokok.com cuz she was feeling tired and so was eye.
The fifth moon was bright so we cood see our way back along the trail...
we made ourselves a good-nite-wish, she wanted to say it to me...but i said it to her:
i just want to say -- good-night good-nite my Love. with arms around your heart, Sweet dreams to a very Very beautiful...goose-brain.
--
i was also careful to slip a note into her pocket which i hope she will find later.
it sort of says how important she is and what is reely important in this life.... it said:
i want to be a good Heart-keeper, i want to keep the Love-lites... burning Brite...dated:8-8-08
--
i hope next week she will tell me how she liked it... it was beautiful for me. . . the next day however i became very critical...
mostly cuz the good-nite wish had bin changed. the lion-parts were taken out.
she always prepares a meal for My inner-lion.
but this time she walked rite past the-lion and gave a great big plate to the boy. much to his surprise.
the-lion became very jealous. the-boy was getting... -ALL-thee attention.
--
i started having bad thots...
like these:::::
--(.bad thots begin.)--
hmmmm? thats not fair!
the Queen is stik-ing her finger rite into the heart-part that REsisTs her the most: the-boy.
from her mouth: mountain-eering. the-boy listen-ed. he connected the words quickly. and loved each part.
wow! she was talking his language.
--
this is very evil. i thot. the Queen is just playing with your hearT...shes trying to destroy it.
the-boy didnt even notice. this.
--
you 'gave' your heart to this Queen.?
yes cuz she said... 'Will You Be Mine'
and you said: YES.
--
if she wants to destroy a Mans Heart... thats Her Joy. you dont got say.
and... its-Your-Fault deudam'...
every-time she says or does somthing beutiful to a Man...
feelings gush out of you... you tell her more about a Mans Heart...and where all the parts ARE.
so... if she wants to pin the-boy down and do somthing bad to him...you shood have thot about that before now.
always list possibilities.
--(.end of bad thots.)--
the other possibility is that
she loves you.
and wants to give food to your other heart-parts.
--
the-girl in her likes mountains. just like the-boy.
is there somthing wrong with that?
note: the-lion likes mountains too. the yum-yum kind.
--
you just dont trust people. time and experience makes you so. so..so.
--
dont be that way to her. let her come close. she wants to love. and you need to.too.
This is scare-ee for me. But you are scare-ee to her.
she doesnot want to HURT the-Lion. He needs to rest and dosnot know it..(Hyper)
and 'no' she did not forget the-lion.
on her way out the Queen wispered somthing into the-lions ears.
somthing about Nibbles and Licks.
ouch! wow! that kept him a happy kitten all night.
thump.thump.thump.
--
(.more.)
do-not make the Queen upset. try to feel her Moods... Moods dont need to make sense.'
--
Just believe that she WILL be the best thing you ever had. SHE will be herself: all-girl. all-maydn. all-Queen. all-Woman. all-Lioness. all-sister.
to you.
believe that.
--
when i saw this document eff-8-08.txt
wood never end... and my passions for her only grow deeper... stronger..HUGE!
She called to him, "I have put all I can into this. I have shown you my power and revealed to you my scars. At this, I wait for a decision of acceptance. This pedistal is nothing for me except for another place to sit quietly and wait. If I might speak with glorious silence I will hold you deer and breathe love into your voice. My fingers chill your heated skin. When my magic is not; so the moon and stars are just where they need to be. I went to the village today to find reminence of my fellow man, my friend, and my heart. WOW, I found gold instead. Get rid of it. I do not need this!
The cold shock is beginning to leave her body. She is familiar with the sharks in these waters and her understanding is drowning. Deeper and deeper as each night RETurns. At this depth there is nothing to say...only wonder and amazement and soon peace. Boldly enough though, the girl holds her breath and begs for life to finish the stories that atleast had some promise.
I know! I will send him a letter that he cannot RETurn. He will find it boring and useless and will surely toss it to the wind. He will again say love words and watch as it slips away. He said to never believe for a moment that he does not love me. I believe that. Except, I need him. It seems, I need him more than Heaven above. You see, Heaven is there and I am here. And I don't want see a way to Heaven without him.
These ideas and mindfull stories had become comforting to her troubled soul and soothing to her worried mind. Where else should a person want to be? In the arms of evil bliss. She does not believe in evil and she will not believe that his loving arms R impossible.
love1208.txt - - - - v12-9-08 mental-flashes of maydn.
(.next comment.) (.too-dazed later:)
hmm.? --> here is the start of a...
love-letter: eye have never put words in your mouth before? but the parts 'she' says about 'me'...is true.
she says to him:
come here!
be-you-tah-ful goose!
eye accept you. eye favour you.
may my deeds.
tell you.
over and over.
eye love you.
(.burp.)
--
For i have noted... The More Yor Heart Trembles With Passion At my beauty...
the more 'Romantic' Your ex-pressions dew-becum.
-- (.sigh.)
sending-me. heart-Throbeeeings. so in-tense. my =beauty= grows. on you... making it even more difficult for yor Trembles and passions to cease.
...causing you new pain!
well? ...to bad..! ...squeel little gofer. ...squeeel for all your worth. shreeek! like a gofer trapped in a gofer-trap!
...eye have cawt you!
no more cold. no more self-ish nites alone. only warm moments with me at home.
doomed to cuddles and kissis and living short of breath in passions for the smelly gofer .you mated with...
all these eye will do to you. ..as you have done them! ... to me.
(.end of tale.) (.end of putting words in your ...mouth..) (.many kissis.) thankyou. (.one more kiss.) (.to make you tingle.)
uhhh..um. please note: this 'tale' came from thots at night. very hard to catch!
of-when you lovingly spoke of your mans funny-fobia with gofers.
--
(.next.) (.simialar scribbles:)
(.sigh.) after opening my package she was very emotional. you must never get-like that befor calling me...!
between the snifflez. and the'sob's. she said words eye now wear with pride:
::::you meen alot to me, just know that.::::
(.sigh.)
those words of hers have kept me from trouble.. ..........alot!.
--
eye too! want to say:
::::you meen alot to me, just know that.::::
(.sigh.) (.emo-poem.) gofer-girl berry-girl garden-girl ........... sister and mate? friend and mother? queen and bride. ........... How? can One little 'MISSY.' meen so much to me? bee so beautiful to me? inn 'so' many ways!
the loveR-ly creature who comes to me in my night. steps on my nut. and says: squeel little heart. squeel just for me!
--
(.more.) what are the results?
a heart that loves her. thinks every way to pleez her. 'flick' her nerves. meet her 'needs'. do it with passion!
--
ideas.methods: use questions.not accusations. keep it simple so she can add. reverse gender if it fits. make it more 'graphic' (.small-thots need big-words.)
- -
capture a romantic-thot by its 'parts' before getting-up. say words that help you remember the 'parts'
else when the light comes on. eye forget what eye dreamed.!
--
dear maydn. its nice to 'have' you. and these feelings for you. eye-treasure-them. and eye post them.
it almost seems like a command that a woman shood be loved ...'by' her man.
but i do it cuz you make my heart go '-BOOM-'.
...nothing less. and it help guys know what to look for. when eye go '-BOOM-'
and eye get to paint it! cuz i know all about it every time your lovey squishy mooshy letters come.
(.major ouch-eey.) '-BOOM-BOOM-' -heart out of order- -Road closed for repairs- -no u-turns- (sigh.)
(.end of comment.)
(.day two.)
strange thots are 'ringing' on to paper. off the paper on screen. off screen. on you.maydn.in much love.
by 'keeping it simple' the reader is free to add detail and gender as fits.
At Last! eye can write somthing meaningful to my mate...
listen to her! x-amples of what 'beautiful' is.. if-it-is.to-her!
this has always haunted me. eye write somthing gorgeous. but wonder... wood this be gorg.to her??
Maydn sees my struggle and my tears. she likez me4me. but also when eye try to pleez-her. her-way.
she wants a 'relation=ship' to sail and find out what... a ship meenz...to a woman.
...hmm? ??
me and you in a... ship=stick-ing=lifestyle. depends 'how' and where you get your .water and seeds. (.think think think!.)
creation needs creator. picture needs painter.
(.end of that thot.)
- - - -
(.next thots.)
Lust? dreamee? a-Crush-? Fond-Of-You?
Can your-Male 'please' take pictures of what is flashing in his mind when he thinks of Me?
what does it Look like? What does he See? what is He trying to catch? the secrets of his own-heart. on paper.
Why does he do it just for me? (reversing gender and reading this message to myself is shocking!)
What ''Thots of Me''cood possibly be..swoosh-ing! around when HE whrites the words 'Boing' and 'Burp'..and 'Beautiful'.
(.Next.)
When Eye deudam sleep and think of her, the first thing i seem to see:is her smile-ing! face.
...i feel 'acceptance'. (.the deep kind.)
...with that gate passed... I go on to her Body... eye see a Woman in a pretty dress! (.blinds-me.)
...with that gate passed... i either go to lusting and King-Lion thots...Or eye go to father.brother.thots.
(.next paper.)
No matter what thots it is.. always a 'throbbing' question is humming inside:
::What can i do to please her:: ::What can i do to please her:: ::What can i do to please her:: (.she twists and turns for me!)
If eye 'Let' her she turns my attention to talents help-full to making a House...a Home. be practicle.
- -
but inside me...the words ::What can i do to please her:: Turn Very dufferent Turns.! like this:
- - eye keep seeing a beautiful girl playing OR doing some.. things in the Garden.
she bends she twitches... she makes my heart throb-just-one-thot: ::What can i do to please her::
- -
Hmm...you know what? it must take a stead-dee and a beautiful Heart-Beat for Her to be 'Able' to RUN and 'Jump' and climb.and plant. and throw her Hair like that.
- -
How...can eye 'Give-Her' a steady and a beautiful... Heart-Beat..
-?-
- -
possibilities: Tell Her eye Love Her. eye Favor HER. Make Sure she has water.
so her pretty-parts can grow and so her pettals and colors dont fall OFF!
-v-
Make sure She has Seeds to make her Heart Strong.
- -
Give Her a Relation-ship (gifts and treasures come from the Maker.)
I think she listed fun things to do to her... which included everything! under the sun!. (.yikes!.)
- -
i Try to remember She is sister.mate.and.brat. but Most of the Time eye get stuk with the Huge job of 'appeasing' Her as Queen. (.fffff.)
- -
THis includes sending messages of what eye think,what eye like, what eye do,until she has a good idea of what this guy is made of.
- -
eye love reporting to her... she holds MUCH wayt in all my decisions... for she is NEXT in command.
- -
the words... ::What can i do to please her:: sometimes leeds me to places eye never dreamed of, nor knew. existed!
all has meening... when love opens hearts. and minds.
- -
(.end of thots.) (.next commet.)
A New day dawns new thots! of... ::What can i do to please her::
Right now: capturing my Most intimate 'what eye think of her' on-to paper...is my only goal.
- -
(.next paper.)
She says ''I want you to myself alone'' ''not to 'Own', but for myself...alone.'' and..'Will You Be Mine'
(.sigh.) i must have bin dreaming! Only a queen.can speak and get what she wants.
meeening: He fell to His knees instantly and gave her what she wanted.
- -
Sometimes eye think its... Not Her...but God. 'using her' to get what he wanted...done. somthing very important. done.
- -
Example: certain words she says...after she has spoken them..are never forgotten....my hearrt obeys and never goes back.
- -
Write Down even to my imaginations...i obey her words. Even when i want to Lust! it must be HER body...and Hers Only.
(.i hope that changes.)
but so far her word has bin eM-passible. Im stuck in a 'One-woman-fantasy'. Her words reely-do-work on me...like a queen... and it hurts...
cant she re-verse it? or say somthing to un-do it? can you still talk me out of loving you?
(.grrr...) You are... One-Meen-Queen. Her beauty is 'captivating' Her word is 'binding' i wish she 'wood' be more care-full with her lips... BUT SHE HAS!..she only does what she needs too... in the name of love.
- -
so im stuck.(prison) in a 'One-Woman-relation' waiting for mercy.
splurting and gushing and hurting with passions for her and her only.
...it seems whatever me and her do in Real Life. my sex-life also wants to imitate...the 'joy' of just 'Having' HER....(.sigh.)
and it makes me way-too 'Fur-tile.'
Bed-time seems more like a wonder-land....eye must go outside and work... just to get away from all the excitement.
ugh!...she woo'z and win'z
- -
th-boys face is turning... BEAT-REd....
..i better stop this..
...I want to be a father.. not a Husband.
.hmmm...Me and th-boy are alred-ee planning our next escape-route to get-away from Her.
- -
But Love Is Nice. our fellowship together peels my heart-open like petals on a Rose. hmm...hmm..nice... cuz she then puts her noze in it and adds the sweet fragrance that everyone-knowz-iz-a-roze
sssnif! fffff! ahhh!
- -
The Queen is 'Awed' by what She has done. and bends Her beauty over the new flower. to press her 'Lips'. ...to the rose.
- -
'GiM-Mie That!' shreeks th-boy. and snatches the rose from her hand before she can kiss and seal its fate.
- -
He Runs off with it heading for the protection of the Leafy=Woods.
He pauses only for a moment to catch his breath and to look afar away back at the Queen waiting patiently for her Lover to Return to her.
'He will be back' she wispers. 'eye kissed him'. she smiles. no matter how far He flys for me...he will always... fly back soon. to warm his 'feathers' in my hand.
For eye have his Heart. eye hold it like a little-bird. and keep it warm and safe. under my skirts. pressed against my own.
- -
and i keep my cold foot is on his warm nut. and nothing can 'break' the attraction 'that' holds on my mate.
- -
THO We BE Lands Apart... we can still be One Heart.
-
-no end-
out of order?
im learning from... www.solvefamilyproblems.com
that... 'Any' form of affection that... canot-b-shared with parents and family and friends... is a form that only belongs within the marriage circle.
iAm... to save my body and emotions for ONE only.
so forgive me Maydn...um.?
but it is 'so' late-in-life for me.. that...um.
eye must begin...xox pouring-out my emotions to-YOU.
and bee (.'responsive to your affections'.) even tho it is...forbidden.
this is 'my' choice. a real treasure. and i choose to lay it. down for you...in love.
seeking 'YOUR' affections too. if the old lion can still surround you with his purring. and please you with his RoaRrr!.
--
trusting god to use it.
cuz no one knows 'How' 'late in life' it relly is... for any of us.
--?-
wood you?
will eye ever...?
::::Remember a day:::: that i began giving. my emotions. to someone special.
i want that!
streem-8 shows me... who she is. who to obey. who to give 'deep' emotions2.
(.the Reader wood too!)
she is 'very' beautiful! (.see her writings.)
she wants a strong man... she makes one!. she ties her-heart around him. maybe not understanding why.
except that... it makes him stronger. it gives him a fuller life. it makes a better picture. it adds more story.
it adds a wife.
-- out of order? --
-- (.sigh.) things i done2you... you have done2Me.
-no end-
-
(.next comment.) (.Day-Three.)
rag-sun: th-father and th-boy have proposed for you a-test:
take rags and knot them into a pleasnt gown.
basic-ly a sheet 2X8 feet with a hole at center for head. and kept in place with a belt.
you are to wear this for three days. friday-night until sunday-night.
as a silent protest and
'declaration of independence' from non-local materials name-brands store-bowt-goods. or at leest... freedom from the 'Norm'.
...
for indoor-use only. public-use if your skill has surprised you. and has stayed within modesty.
...
after the inital emotions of silly-ness. the truth will begin to take effect.
eye myself will do=so and i hope you will hold me to-it!
...
no pictures will be sent. there are plenty of sites and ree-enactors that wood love the feeed. in this time of need. www.urbanscout.org ?
...
(.next comment.)
Im getting old. i cannot keep up! body needs help! purging daily-toxins.
ive decided to commit to a body-cleansing treatment at every solctice:dec21+jun21.
this is basic-ly a two-week fast on fruit-juice + greens. 8oz + 8oz per meal. for ten days folloed by four that re-turn you to 'Norm' slowly.
water is always welcome.
chewing-gum between meels helps clean the insides faster.
give your body a rest.
...
(.next comment.)
the birds your hear at story-time:
the yellow Male is always singing to the quiet white Girl.
rite now He is kissing her toes...
and im getting very embarrased at all the things eye see about myself when i watch him.
--
(.sigh.)
i want to say:good-night. good-night my-love. with warm feathers around your heart.(scars) and gofer licks on your toes. and deer-lick-eez on your nose. and gentle combing of your hair.(words) and berry-juice kisses every-where. ........ i want to... 'tweet' sWeet-Dreemz to a very Very lovely friend and princess.
xoxo LNLN
his heart trusts her. his eyes adore her. his mouth praises her. his hands hold her.
IT is Huge. Enormous. Guy-normous, Stupendous. Need I say more? You know what IM talking about. If you don't, please ask. I can add more... finess if need be. Call me! Ms. Bias but I adore your Sight. What we have here is genious and IM all aboot "gen-ious". You R in trouble tho. You know that...right? YouR not going to like what I have to say or what IM going to do too...YouR gonna LOVE it. Thats All there is to it. SO if we get bored or insecure, change it. Strip... off the layers until we like it again and then we love it. We Make love. Easy... Call me whatever You want just don't call me late for breakfast. I Heart Breakfast. NOW You know. U tell me... I May either fuck You fantastic or Make Love to You until you die. YouR CHOICE. Reminiscent of pumps-clothed or pumps-nude. ?? Posted 3/12/2008 10:52 PM hip_gnostic block delete
love the boys.
let them know they count.
- 20min left? 10min? 2min!
write well, my deer-sister.
- Sent 4/2/2008 8:27 PM deuda_m block delete Many nights I have tried to do whatever I could to get you off of my mind. Every damn morning I wake up thinking about you. YOU! do you hear that?
This has been too real for me for way too long. My body confuses me into hurting because you are not here next to me...or me there. It really hurts. And there is nothing I can do about it...denial works temporarily...for a few years maybe...then bam! it hits me all over again...and I'm all giddied up about You again. And it keeps getting worse. Especially now that I know I love you for everything that you are and....you me. oh wow! oh God! when I think about that I want to passout. I know what you speak of when you say "knit". I would love to find out what that is about with you. Fascinating...aint it?
I want you to be happy and if this makes you happy and feel safe then this is what I need to do.
Understand, I am not so happy about virtual-love. I love connecting with you on this level. I guess I really Love being able to say whatever I really feel and get an opportunity to write something heart-felt, rather than settle for whatever jumble of words I can manage to get out of my swollen mouth. You do that to me. (you will find out later how much and why) You have the advantage of mystery however. I have been pretty wide open for some time now. I find it unfair. My advantage would be my ablity to put thought into action.
I want to show you. I want to use my hands and make this idea about you physical into Life. It is a rather uncontrollable desire. I have confidence in my hands.
So... planning is great! And your techniques I think will compliment mine. But I'm not sure why I don't trust myself with you. This is so overwhelming. I am a quite simple person. Less talk, More action.
I need to get some stuff typed out to you. Things just keeps cumming...everyday...every day. I have a difficult time keeping up. what between survival and thrival... I listened to someone speak the other day about that gut feeling that one can get about something...it makes you take a deep deep breath and adds tremendous motivation to seemingly ordinary things...well...then he went on to speak about instinct and capacities for love.
How important it is to Love with all that we have. How we are supposed to recognize that feeling and say "oh God, GIVE ME THAT!" and everything else works itself out. I want to love you...whatever that means for us...with ALL that I can give, All that I have, All that this mysterious heart is made up of. You show me that you love me. By wooffing me and harvesting me local. I LOVE that!
You know what? I want more from you though, I don't know why. I know you want to see-read something from me too that I may not be showing. A lifetime could probably not be long enough to get to KNOW eachother...ALL the parts of eachother. I think that is what makes having GOOD relationships fun and alive.
Sow that is what I do...I go slowly and patiently and get to know you. You are a dream. Every time I take another look into you I sea something else that I wished for. I believe in customed-partnerships.< OK, now I have to put my clothes back on and go be late for work. You do me Good, very very Good. please know that. You please me in soooo many ways it is hard to speak about it. I want to put my hand in yours, look into your eyes, and show you how much. That is all I can say right now.
I hope I do not confuse you with my native tongue...it is difficult to balance simplicity with spirit. Such is life.
I love you...more...and again...
-- oooooo o o o o OX Posted 3/27/2008 10:42 A
@deuda_m -
Oh you are simply gorgeous! Magnificently gorgeous! you like to hear-t - t-hat. i am sure.
before i furget cause its late and i'm in the country and get distracted easily.. oh look an owl... and i've been hitting the sauce. (honestly)
I was born and bred to build what you have shown me. picture - no picture, boy-who-is-a-friend or no-boy-who-is-a-friend.
I can make those drapes too. The glass-pane....now, that I'd have to technique. # or block glass. Light is always more important and FEELz better than clarity. ( O Mr. Bee, what the hell kind of glorious past life did I give to deserve you?
(now that is a sentence!)
buzz buzz <#o
I tried to say..."Oh I don't know what I am going to do with you"...but you know what? By now, I have a pretty decent idea of what I am going to do with you. The ono(non)-italcs type slipped out. oooops
This day is a good day, a very good day.
My blood brother dies yesterday-2 yaers ago.
For you. to call me sister is an honor.
I became an Apache in 1999...really... the women accept me. I am proud of that.
Maybe that may--help you understand me some.more.
If you dare. My spirit is wild and honest maybe that is where I earn their respect.
I ve always felt a reverence for wild and open and vow to preserve that in myself and ALL the spirit world.
As Always,
The strange little white girl who talks too big and too soft, knows too much, carries a big stick, who's daddy carries an even bigger stick, who knows and loves the ways of natural living, with respect and genuine curiosity...
ps.
I like the idea of chronicl-ing this "love-stuff", it is important. for so many... my only wish is to make it better than what was shown to me. I think I can do that. I think We might have something here...
I am sorry for the way that I am, I can't go back. Once you know, then you know...and I know... You.
I can feel You. I wish you can understand that. It's like this air-irie that something has after it's been near you. A word/ a type written word, has an air-irie after you've typed it.
So what's up with quatum-computers??? I get 60 percent of you...at best.
Oh God how I like-love biology so much better!
Your chemistry feels sooo much better. 100% better
--evry beat of my heart...
--until I feel you again...
--lets see, what other yucky, lovey, squishy stuff can I cum up with?
-- 3/26/2008 Posted 3/26/2008 11:48 PM hip_gnostic block delete im getting kinda exited about this new streem of yours better that strreem-8?
i like it here. i feel...free-er. to be me...
but need two days...
i hurt for my sister and friend.
you dont like to be called that.
but there are many things you are to me...
and im trying to excercise (feed) them... cuz you get plenty feed for lions. aredy and dont get nothing for the other heart-parts you are and have.
my girl starves and it gives me teers. modern culture has forgotten.. how to love and feed parts of you i need.
and you dont like what i say cuz you dont get nothing along those lines.
just boy-friend crazy stuff... which i love reeding on you xanga...
but somthing in me is hurting, cuz somthing in you is not watered wont grow wont show...
and i love you so...
im no good for you...i know.
but i keep pointing to places-things where i know my girl can grow strong (inside)
im hopeless. but you dont quit.
you make the woods cum alive to me.
i need patience. cuz i dont understand what im saying yet either.
i just know i love you like my oen soul. but know you deer sister can be a brat sometimes...and i need to deel with it.
what-ever you want to deel.
- Sent 3/26/2008 9:01 PM
maydns 'first' 'message' i cannot find! so here i am...one year later...attempting to type it from memmory:
she says: well! i finaly made it! ...pumps are hard on my feet? ...undo my dress??? ...you can help me...with these buttons in the back are so-hard to reech. wrap my legs around your waist... (.more.)
other message: i know you want under my skirts...eye understand that and want my skirts over you...(.more.)
(original is here! i found it.) (see below)
- - - -
- 20min left? 10min? 2min!
write well, my deer-sister.
-
April 02, 2008 5:11 PM Anonymous said... something is wrong. what is wrong? is it even a real word? i'm not shore. how to fix...? missunderstanding? no ID. aaaah. ummm...clueless...again. walking in the dark. why does this feel so natural to me? walking in the dark. I dunt need eyes to see. the more years, the more i feel...this. sound though...i love sound. sexy noises turn me (my ears) on. i'm shore i'll be deaf at 80. hope=cocclear implants fyi: Everything sounds pornographic these days. "wait, i'm coming" oh,...ahhhh! i canut handle it. what the F is wrong!!?? ...with me. with me...you need to be with me...so that i can be...normal...?again? (driving down the road one day, and It/depth-of-Love-for-you hit me like a Mac truck) i so didnut plan this. i wish i would have planned this. it'd be so much easier. i cood feel easier. i swear i try to stop these sinfull thoughts. try to think/type norml stuff. ie: "why is the sky blue?" and all i can think of is, "i want to color the sky, with You. blue, green, whatever...All You." Jesus, help me.
-- so im hearing you want me to type you out of 'loving' (me) -- "~when you say you love me, I say you better!!!!~" The (real/best) WHO -- if you want to remain distant...it aint with me babe. if you want someone to tell you what to do...it aint with me babe. if you want perfection...it aint with me babe. If you say You need me...I say you'd better!
love that song! All Most as much as I Love Lions. --
ps. the real, sexy, love-letter refuses to be published. The Pride is restraining The Beast.
The Zoo needs to remove some fences before it can become a happy Home.
also...i love/need you n i dunt want to...what do i do?
April 18, 2008 7:04 AM
im talking without thinking again...(no time.)
i love you.
you keep conflicting worlds bearable.
evry hour...using you to beat it.
every day.
every morning.
always you.
-
i know you dont want to love/need.
my garden grows cuz of what you have done.
i dont care what you do next.
but...
if love was planted...
then it wants to grow...
even today...
always using maydns words...
to go another step.
into a most beautiful way.
for me to go.
thank you..
no matter what.
will 'hap'n next.
-
...
-
. . .
did you say 'depth-of-love'
. .
i need to report..
it only happend 5-times?
but only when thuts of you come.
i need to report..
a strange rise in my chest.
i dont know what it is...
its not those 'chest-aches'
i always get those for you.
this 'rise' is different.
like somthing in me is.. reaching for you..
almost bursts my chest... then settles back down... quick as it came... like a rooster-bird.
i dont know what this is.
its always about you.
im tired of being 'MALE'
it gets confusing.
but i report things you do to me.
even if no 'sense' is in it.
but i report things you do to me.
even if no 'sense' is in it.
-
(.next comment.)
more dreemy-architecture:
book:building with earth. earth-bag construction.
rob and jaki Roy earthwood building school.
other 'schools': carla emery, elpel:outdoor. nyerges:self reliance.
-
always twisting maydn into some of these ideas... thats guys for you.
but then... i keep moving out and away... till i 'WANT' to study basic survival study stuff..
it dont come naturaly for me.. i got to tell my heart what to love... that takes walking out' into the unknown where im
forcing myself to listen..
anyone can stay with the crowd. floating into a lazy mass of death-camps..it easy.. sit at home. do nothing.
trouble comes qwiq that way.
i try to run from it. i find happiness...
when i do. so i do.
and i go.
and i love you so.
-
HP408B TXT 10,584 04-18-08 12:58p HP408B.TXT my xanga.com\deuda_m comment replys to her 'messages' 4-18-08
i capture all you type and
reed it at home..
but i can see (at a glance)
im missing you to much.
-
these days
we pass each other just enuff
to make hearts bleed.
-
is that tech-no world?
no wonder galeeb urges
a RET-TURN.
-
this is pain-FULL.
its not the world they said it wood be.
-
i urge all to break with it.
but since im here touching
a girl i love... and she's...
the 'only' one that has me in
'cyber-space' (or any space).
i need to pause...
-
(choke)...god! you reely do-do
all this xanga.com\hip_gnostic
for me?
im just a stupid male.
-
(shaky)
yyou rreely doo ccare.
-
i hope i can direct that-kind of
power... (for best effects)
to people\places..in time.(WOW)
you make things so beautiful...
for me.
-
its freightning what one maydn can do.
-
(im still typing without thinking)
-
you are a dream...
i wish english had a better word.
'beautiful' dosnt draw what you are to me.
infact, it sorta-of 'scribbles' up the picture.
how about... 'magical' ?
'girl-of-my-dreems' ?
how about... 'im not flirting'
i wish i wood.
you kinda-of deserve it.
-
but i dont. i report.
and then gush.
-
sometimes i even
report on a male-gush.
and why he did-so that-way.
-
im hopeless...
i try to fit all you do into a...
'progress report'
with no pause to tell you...
you are so much...more...
than that...(sob)
god! and you hate cry-babys so...
thats good.
you dont need to know why
males-cry anyway.
this male see's into the heart.
someone tawt me to do that.
else i wood demand pictures.
and somthing to lust at...
(hey thanks for that appolos-venus picture post)
i wood want only your body.
...one of those...'hump-and-dump'
relation-ships...
but you will need to teach-me that cuz...
what i see in you is sooo much gooderr.
my relation-ships are built for heart-wars.
the whole fleet gets bombed every day,
it goes on all nite...
it will go on all day!
the war for peoples
MINDS!
attention-spans,media,edu,trash-canning musick!
meanwhile...
my little-scanners go crazy over-you.
deleting all the distractions and 'noise'
and using you to do somthing beutiful.
INSTEAD.
i think girls like heart-felt things more
than boys...
i just wish i wood woory about looks...
and not the beutiful person you are
'inside' just...for.... practice sake?
i meen...how am i going to fuck my sister?
(gross)
this takes alot of 'focus'
-
im way off balance.
keep holding my hand like you do.
i go over your papers alot.
-
and...
let me qwit for now...
im not being aloud to say-type
somthing heart-felt...
nor go over-it.
-
sometimes you need to
see me do that. cuz...
males are funny to hear...
when they dont think...
.
.
.
do they think?
-
OptionsDisable Get Free Shots upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f... hip_gnostic's Xanga Site Weblog Photos Videos Albums Pulse Profile Chatboard visiting: hip_gnostic Subscribe to hip_gnostic Add to friends Send a message subscribe Click to see options ratings Click to see options flag Home (private) Subscriptions Messages Feedback Log Your Site (public preview) deuda_m New Weblog Entry Add Photos Add Videos Add Pulse blog now Credits let you buy fun stuff on Xanga (like Minis). See How to Get Credits… Get Xanga Premium! Buy Credits Directly credits: 1,020 sign out hip_gnostic weblog photos videos albums audio pulse profile chatboard subscribe Weblog Wednesday, April 16, 2008 hope. you R ok.i want to tear into you right now.
tell you a thing or two...
about circles and being direct
or genuine
or real;
im too tired or sad or worried or confused
to say-(type)-care ...anything.
--(a)(e)iou
ps. if i ever get my breath back you had better look out 9:24 PM2 eprops1 commentemailFriday, April 11, 2008 IOU - Letter
1.) Introduce
2.) Things I like to do
3.) What I am good at
4.) What I don't enjoy
5.) Goals for this year
["Apollo reached the tree and, still enamoured with Daphne, he mourned, as Ovid wrote in the Metamorphoses:"]
"Fairest of maidens, you are lost to me. But at least you shall be my tree. With your leaves my victors shall wreathe their brows. You shall have your part in all my triumphs. Apollo and his laurel shall be joined together wherever songs are sung and stories told."
Apollo and Daphne is a baroque, life-sized marble sculpture by Italian Gian Lorenzo Bernini, housed in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. It was inspired by one of the stories included in Ovid's Metamorphoses. 9:30 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailThe Meanest, Most Average, Invisible Man I Have Never Met(u sure know how to ignore a girl)
this is so fucking backwards
sdrawkcab gnikcuf os si siht
OR plain:
gnikcuf os
Do you wantto know what i think about you? You know, those little dark thoughts included. I like when you tell me what you really think about me. I feel more rounded. They say that something is wrong with a person that doesn't have atleast one enemy. I like it when you imply me as a whore and other derogatory terms for women; it gives me reason to do bad things to you.
Besides, just cuz you think it doesn't meen that it is true. 10:50 AMadd epropsadd commentsemailTuesday, April 0nclu-s tr sth athat I
xanga.com\hip_gnostic
Wednesday, March 26, 2008 Here Kitty Kitty...Nice Kitty Got Ya!
This is called a Green-Grasshopper Hold.
Well Well Well...
Looks like I'll be the one playing with You this time.
Oh...not afraid yet? Just you wait, I've got friends and lots of them. And they're gonna help me do what ever I want with you.
Oh dear (I mean cat) this could be fun. If you don't chicken out. haha
In the meanwhile, since I've got you here, and you can't really touch me...
EAT ME PUSSY! 4:15 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailTuesday, March 25, 2008 'You make me feel ten thousand feelings all at once...and so I remain silent.'
I'm going to type what I have written into this damn machine only because I said I would. I have gotten damn frustrated with this 'game' and am ready to qwit myself. May-be I might make you catch me instead.
Would not that be interesting?
You've toyed with me like a cat does with an injured grasshopper. The cat knows he has the grasshopper and that he could swallow her up whole or crunch her slowly between his teeth, feeling the little legs wriggle on his lips. What does he do instead? He bats her around a bit, lets the little grasshopper jump around in circles a while, pretends he's not looking, or just keeps nipping at her wings until she's just a twitching torso. Then he (the cat) just leaves her there to die in her own green grasshopper juices. Maybe he will eat her later, Maybe he will not.
A frightening waste of time for the grasshopper. Priceless entertainment for the cat.
Personally, I'd rather be chewed up than neglected with my guts hanging out. Then again I have been accused of needing too much attention.
Then again I don't believe that there is a cat out there who can resist a bouncy grasshopper that is too stupid to keep away from a cat's attention. 5:46 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailMonday, March 24, 2008 2 SIM-PLEAn "intentional community": is that not where we live? I am having a hard time meshing these private communities with fundamental realities. Harsh reality is something I thrive in. I guess it is all I know. I do however thrive on learning experiences and I can see that all over the place in these intentional communities and 'nut'farms (I was raised by conservatives who would think that was funny) Maybe you could too.
Why would someone want me on a farm? Why would someone not call me and say, "hey let's go somewhere together."? What is the big secret? I am beginning to fear falseness. What is the complication? The difficulty?
I am the type of girl that meets prospective suitors in the library... or the grocery store...not online in some scary obtuse fashion. I prefer...let's go see a movie, or...let's go fuck in the corn field.
KNOWLEDGE?"-- U2
You too have come here to hold a smooth firm body in your distant hands, as much as is possible. As those hands knead through the muscle and the skin to find the bone and then room for yours. To fit something so rigid, deep into a tight and abstract body capable of creation may be beyond your comprehension of living and dieing. This is why I have come here this morning to warn you of the power that a needful body contains.
To look into the reflecting glass and call it complete would be to say that your eyes have seen all the life in the sea. In this lifetime the pressure of a man's erection breaking through the vulvas flexion in waves, could never be compared to words. I would in fact purpose that demonstration is the only word that may do it justice. Demonstration, however, has such a negative connotation to use as a word. Justice, might be one answer to ripping the cloaks where there is nothing left but naked truths and realities. Realities of heat and sensation; of cold and insensitivity, blushing new again with sounds that formed words before words had reason.
Here you find me, every morning under my soft linens with nothing more than my pale skin and swollen lips. You warm my breasts with the breath of your words, though my conscience feels the chill. So these nipples take to the linens as this body raises to feel your palms. The contact of the centered palm, the life of a man, in the palm placed at the navel and pressed firmly and patiently to the beginning. Thighs spreading thighs in movement to a beat that makes itself. Deep and fulfilling, until something inescapable begins to happen. This existence where cries of pleasure and tears of joy have no place, only value.
Please just pull my tongue into your mouth and tell me that you love me. That the life and passion in this explosion of a woman is not blown to the moon and stars. Let this morning wake you and bring you gently inside of me. Take these tears and bottle them for sunrise. They will bring you purity and light. They will show you what is necessary, what is need, and move the tides until you come.
--XO 6:29 AMadd epropsadd commentsemailMonday, March 31, 2008 exposing what makes me stinkmy dignity will ideally be preserved in my truth.
here goes...
i am going to make what happened saturday night public.
no explanation really to give. it's one of those, you'd have to see it to believe it. (my life is full of that)
so look at it. i don't want to.
my fear is written all over that page.
It appears i have some trauma to work through. good thing i didn't end up in the trauma-unit of the hospital.
also, i'm at a point where 'words cannot explain' and it's aching me inside. i don't know what else to do.
so i keep peeling the layers, maybe theres something sweet in here. maybe it'll make your eyes burn.
hopefully you like onions. 11:16 AM2 eprops1 commentemailSunday, March 30, 2008 lett gocrieing,
nothing else to do. don't want to be who you want me to be. just want to be happy with me.
i almost killed myself last night. on accident. then again nothing is really an accident. is it?
passed out and woke up with a friend holding my shoulders saying look at what your doing to yourself. I didn't care. my only friend there was myself and i kept saying, "i don't care". I kept holding my shoulders up and saying wake up, please wake up sweetheart. Until my left leg started burning. After a while it started to get uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. A candle in a clam shell was on the floor under my leg and it had burnt a hole through my jeans; one perfectly round hole. Anyone familiar with the science of blue jeans might see the tragedy here also.
what is left on my leg is a peculiar symbol. in a sick way i sort of like it. I guess i earned it...or really i deserved it. It is a symbol, a sign. Like an 8 but it is missing the bottom left side. Seems like an astrological symbol i've seen before. im gonna have to look into it.
really this is not something i wantt to share. in fact i hate sharing pain, tails of pain. if that is all that i am made up of then what else is there to share? ayah, there are alot of fun stories and amazing times that have marked my life but it seems people only want to listen to those when there is a pissing contest to be won.
what people really want to know, deep down, is what experiences have made you more fucked up than them.
i just want to live...and let live. REALLY! sounds cliche. i just want to love and be loved. i trust this will happen.
my brain is not my body and my body is not my brain. my body knows what it wants, what it needs and is easily satisfied. My brain will take some time removing all the parts of it that are not it, until it finally finds its true identity and finds reverence for the wisdom of the body and respect for the knowledge of the mind.
when everything is silent and there is no more busy-ness to be done...when your mind is still within your body what is there? what do you hear? feel? do you have fear of something? what soothes you?
i am crying because of all the pain that holds people back (not me though ?)
all the fear that keeps the dream of hell real.
the fear that keeps so many captured inside. so much that we find it so hard to be ourselves. To be love
not to merely (mirrorly) give love or receive love,,, just to BE LOVE.
that is really what we All are. LOVE
i love you Love.
here love is a verb and a pronoun.
You, i will call you Love. I know you love that. 3:54 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailSaturday, March 29, 2008 ther wuz funr666 your o'love right the fuck up yur asz.
fthe beesta.
whar i wantd to sayz wux
i got wax on my p[antsn its all your fault
german-irish w/ french etiquette 11:14 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailEXAMPLEDO THIS...be a friend. what does that look like? why can not you see?
I can't feel.
You can't feel...your feet?
I can't feel.
You can't feel... your legs?
I can't feel my loins.
Yu can't feel you loins? For, Christ's sake...feel your loins.
Should I,... like,.. feel my loins?
No! Just feel your loins! There is no 'like' about it. MayB a little..., like.
Don't just feel my loins? Like it? sure. Now I CAN DO that!
ok.
ok.
Put your hands on your thighs; between the knee cap and the hip bone...that muscle. ( oh God, i love that muscle.)Move your hands around in a circle in the center of that. You cando that. now fix your loins.Can you see now?can you feel? Are you redy to play friends? grab that! I want to play friends. Does that hurt your loins? That scares me! Mayb i canfix it. Does it kneed a kiss?
9:51 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailWednesday, March 26, 2008 Here Kitty Kitty...Nice Kitty Got Ya!
This is called a Green-Grasshopper Hold.
Well Well Well...
Looks like I'll be the one playing with You this time.
Oh...not afraid yet? Just you wait, I've got friends and lots of them. And they're gonna help me do what ever I want with you.
Oh dear (I mean cat) this could be fun. If you don't chicken out. haha
In the meanwhile, since I've got you here, and you can't really touch me...
EAT ME PUSSY! 4:15 PM2 eprops4 commentsemail browse entries:older » View all weblog entries please tell me where you went. (just leave a note) if you are mad: just leave a note..."Gone Mad". If you are sad: ":-(" If you are bored: "want to get nailed?" If you hate me: "falsetto" If you are confused or frustrated with me: "?????!!!" If you feel that i have done you an injustice: "put up your dukes, let's get down to it" If you feel over-sexed: "put your nurse's uniform back on woman!" If you do not want to tell me where you are: "see ya later" If you never want to talk to me again: "see ya never" If you are just too busy: "i can't play right now. mayb later."
something, anything. my mind is making up stories and none of them are true because ... i really can't be sure. for a hip gnostic girl, this could destroy me. -- lov`e you, miss you, hope to see you sooner than later Posted 5/8/2008 11:07 AM hip_gnostic block delete i apologize for not understanding how to "lock you up". i think that i can pleez you without the lock. your other friends might see though. so a direct message to you from me might be sexier than the basic made-for-tv-audience. i admit that i am having a difficult time opening up to you right now because i am uncomfortable with this internet and i am wondering what is your reason for so much secrecy. are you an ex-con? what are you hiding from? are you just a paranoid person? (opleez take no offense cuz i mean no harm) i just want to open up to you and am confused by the difficulty this is presenting. there is a reason for it. what is blocking the flow? of streem 8? what is the reason for misunderstanding? pleez just tell me you R who I think you are and that i don't have to follow anymore rules to be with you. pleez just give me a sign that the man behind the mask is the one i've loved all along And i can tell you that i am not "crazy!" just extremely anxiety ridden at the sad state of clinical living. -- Posted 4/28/2008 1:17 PM hip_gnostic block delete just when i thought This Thing that we are doing here was about to get better... down the emotional tubes. Let's be direct. That is something that i have been trying to direct out of you for...years. now. All joking and creativity aside; when i ask you a question, please answer it. you really hurt my feelers when you ignore me/my thoughts and or person, or try to avoid me/my thoughts and or person. pleez say what you are thinking. as i can nearly see the future; i cannot yet effectively read minds. For some unearthly reason I really want to know what is in yours (mind). For God's sake just say it, it doesn't matter how stupid you think it may sound. I like to be able to feel stupid sometimes. Respectable knowledge and perfect ettiquete is retarded and over-rated and ... fake. If there could be something in this world that pisses me off, it would be "fake" anything. As I know how insensitive and then overly-sensitive i can be, i realize that you have been wrenching your guts to say something. I realize that these notebooks and slips of paper that i have been hoarding probably could have been typed in and sent to you, thus relieving this severe anxiety that something that should have been said was not. I'm really not afraid to say something to You??? anymore. It is what i don't say to you that i am afraid of. I wish you can see that. All this "stuff" this "emotion" this heart-throbbing that is too overwhelming to control. This feeling that there will never be another you??? in my life, someone to understand and in return understand me, someone to connect to the Spirit with me just at a glance, someone to experience miracles with. my spirit is dieing inside, it is talking so fast yet so clear that my abilities cannot keep up and my mind now knows these things that my body cannot do. Amazing how slow this body is compared to this spirit. damn it if i could just say all there is to say, mayb make more George Washingtons to buy that hawaiian villa, mayb put some words into your mouth (you know...the ones i think i'd like to hear), mayb if i could just swing high enough to flip over that bar just one time. damn it mayb then you'd believe....and call me on the telephone to say the things that need to be said...to make my affections worth while...and yours. i don't want to waste your time, i just want to waste some time with you. i'm certainly not a fighter though. i gave that up some time ago. I'm all about surrender anymore. That is what has been asked of me. That is why i don't missionary, or hide, and try not to fear...much. I love you still, though you make me cry and make my insides ache every damn day. even if you get mad and then apologize later, i'm a very forgiving person. sometimes i don't even un-forgive when you think i should...so forgiveness is un-necessary. honey i know i am a strange(unique) person, I'm definately an aquired taste, i take some patience and understanding and alot of open-mindedness. i'm so worth the effort though, cuz i give it all back ten-fold. and i do it on purpose. so if you still feel that love is a waste of time, then look up my sweet cuz cause it's all around you and you're wasting time. -- Posted 4/28/2008 12:29 PM hip_gnostic block delete uuuuugggh!
to much pain you are sis.
i tell you what i will do.
xanga.com\deuda_m
will invite you to be his 'friend'
and then you can put a..
'friends-lock' on your hip_gnostic site
if thats what you reeely wanted.
so you can do to me what ever you want.
i dont trust internet 'anything' anymore. so. no identification (please)
i got suspecious when you typed: i hope this pass-code? gets to the rite person (on streem-8)
i listed the possibility that someone else must be talking to you cuz i dont know any 'zayon' password. nor wood i use it unless you explain what it was ment for...
anyway...streem-8 is geeting to messy.
i reely want to do this... i will invite you to be my friend and you can put a 'lock' on me.
friendship is fun.
i hope i have listed the possibilities (galeeb) use it. but beware...we must 'never' re-veal each-other. dont you think?
if you make a 'passage' to yourself. im 'not' the only one who will find it. i even think someone uses my deuda_m
so its... hopeless?
and i love you.
-
love defies gravity.
i dont like that.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:57 PM deuda_m block delete still searching for
pictures that tell you
what i dreem when i dreem of you...(silly boy stuff)
this looks like the best one: http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm
cuz maydn... you-ARE 'the people' i will be keeeping for a long-long time.
even if i can only carry 'YOU'... in my heart.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete telling you 'how'
i think.
wasnt i smart move.
-
but i open everything to you.
i cant resist you no more.
if your going to hurt me... you reeeeely will.
-
it dont matter..
i still dreeeem of you. plenty of your words help me do that.
-
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_image_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books Sent 4/18/2008 4:29 PM deuda_m block delete maydn... you said:
i guess i don't understand. i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving. it hurts me to say that to you. i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs. i need to protect myself though...
...
oh maydn!!
my honey! that does hurt.
i will rip open my core just once for you to let you know 'how' i hope and think:
i wake up knowing that: somehow i wasted today or part of it.
i feel like i offended myself.. like when you eat somthing you know make you feel gilty.
i deel with it cuz... i offended myself! its a taste of what i must look like to son-god when i offend him.
i use it to tell him to remove ALL offense to him to self and to others by his precious healing blood. he always is reddy to give me what i dont earn nor deserve: rite-standing again. '
his spirit is now freee to help me forgive and watch and do better. that is a miracle.
also:
knowing he will gide me to love what i shood say, do, type, be is also another 'miracle'
thats what i use to make threw times when you say 'i cant be what you want' know that you will be, maybe not what i planned. but exactly what son-god planned.
im soo happy about that. for you. and for me. cuz i fear that all the time
honey. weep no more.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn...
i forgot the hug:
x - x - x
(2 hours later:)
i like you the way you are.
i stop to say that.
cuz we all go to hard with
'growing' where we want.
that i forget to say...
i have what i want.
you are just so...
x - x - x ...
(three hours later:)
beautiful.
-
you always hit the rite words...
-
even if english is...
a bit...
silly.
-
your meenz heart is alot to me.
you show that.
you know that. -
i say: list possibilities.
cuz your rite.
protection is more important.. than me.
-\
i need you to do that.
or i loose....everything:
. . . . -YOU-
- Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!!
i love you . Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete i still love you.
-
to much.
- Sent 4/18/2008 2:40 PM deuda_m block delete i guess i don't understand. i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving. it hurts me to say that to you. i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs. i need to protect myself though... ... cuz i do not see that you wood. i love you. n i don't wantto (ouch) just one (more) hug. that's all i want right now. Mayb it cood heal this broken thing. --love Love ouch Posted 4/14/2008 9:40 AM hip_gnostic block delete
Sent 4/2/2008 8:27 PM deuda_m block delete Many nights I have tried to do whatever I could to get you off of my mind. Every damn morning I wake up thinking about you. YOU! do you hear that?
This has been too real for me for way too long. My body confuses me into hurting because you are not here next to me...or me there. It really hurts. And there is nothing I can do about it...denial works temporarily...for a few years maybe...then bam! it hits me all over again...and I'm all giddied up about You again. And it keeps getting worse. Especially now that I know I love you for everything that you are and....you me. oh wow! oh God! when I think about that I want to passout. I know what you speak of when you say "knit". I would love to find out what that is about with you. Fascinating...aint it?
I want you to be happy and if this makes you happy and feel safe then this is what I need to do.
Understand, I am not so happy about virtual-love. I love connecting with you on this level. I guess I really Love being able to say whatever I really feel and get an opportunity to write something heart-felt, rather than settle for whatever jumble of words I can manage to get out of my swollen mouth. You do that to me. (you will find out later how much and why) You have the advantage of mystery however. I have been pretty wide open for some time now. I find it unfair. My advantage would be my ablity to put thought into action.
I want to show you. I want to use my hands and make this idea about you physical into Life. It is a rather uncontrollable desire. I have confidence in my hands.
So... planning is great! And your techniques I think will compliment mine. But I'm not sure why I don't trust myself with you. This is so overwhelming. I am a quite simple person. Less talk, More action.
I need to get some stuff typed out to you. Things just keeps cumming...everyday...every day. I have a difficult time keeping up. what between survival and thrival... I listened to someone speak the other day about that gut feeling that one can get about something...it makes you take a deep deep breath and adds tremendous motivation to seemingly ordinary things...well...then he went on to speak about instinct and capacities for love.
How important it is to Love with all that we have. How we are supposed to recognize that feeling and say "oh God, GIVE ME THAT!" and everything else works itself out. I want to love you...whatever that means for us...with ALL that I can give, All that I have, All that this mysterious heart is made up of. You show me that you love me. By wooffing me and harvesting me local. I LOVE that!
You know what? I want more from you though, I don't know why. I know you want to see-read something from me too that I may not be showing. A lifetime could probably not be long enough to get to KNOW eachother...ALL the parts of eachother. I think that is what makes having GOOD relationships fun and alive.
Sow that is what I do...I go slowly and patiently and get to know you. You are a dream. Every time I take another look into you I sea something else that I wished for. I believe in customed-partnerships.- OK, now I have to put my clothes back on and go be late for work. You do me Good, very very Good. please know that. You please me in soooo many ways it is hard to speak about it. I want to put my hand in yours, look into your eyes, and show you how much. That is all I can say right now.
I hope I do not confuse you with my native tongue...it is difficult to balance simplicity with spirit. Such is life.
I love you...more...and again...
-- oooooo o o o o OX
- - - -
NOW clear under the desk. 9:49 PM1 viewWednesday, August 13, 2008 just 4 licksHow do you do it?
say to me...
this is no online-game deerheart.
iam the person you think iam.
if the Good-Lord has blessed us so...then to be mayd for another will...B.
i love you. why? you water me for growth. you do right. you fill the parts where idon'ut. you R a gentle-man with my love. 1:58 PM4 viewsSaturday, August 09, 2008 OXXO 12:32 AM1 viewWednesday, August 06, 2008 A-Round Stone Block TablePossum Pot Pie
main dish, game
1 cup glazed huckleberries 3 shots gin or moonshine 1 possum 1 pie crust with top 1 sliced carrots & cabbage 1 to taste
If roadkill---make jambalaya. If caught---proceed with recipe Cover a pan (or any implement you can put in a fire) with the bottom of your pie crust and place the possum in it. Add the huckleberries and carrots, and shred the cabbage over it. Close up the pie and bake until the neighbors' dogs come sniffing around to see what the wonderful smell is, or until the fire department arrives (whichever comes first). Remove from fire/oven, slice and enjoy. Anthony Trummert
And for dessert, Christmas Nut Cake and Warm Gopher Milk 11:51 PM1 viewSunday, August 03, 2008 after nooni thought how nice it might be to talk to you and read by daylight.
is it proper for women to call men?
societal rules/norms have always been elusive for me. 11:01 PM1 viewMonday, July 28, 2008 nonmanipulated, genuine, honest; (organic)oh love
words could never give enough meaning to the things i need to express to you. 4:56 PM1 viewTuesday, July 22, 2008 One Love Or Two?what real humanity is there if we are nice and sweet all the day long; when really we stand in line for food and want to kill!
This story goes on in some fancy fashion about a love that was thought to be true based souly and upon the fact that something greater than the metaphysical body exists.
In this existence only a voice of pure clarity and reason is present. There is no choice but to obey. One wouldn't decide any other way because the promises are too great a proposition. The promises are everything you've ever wanted. Whatever it is that your soul has longed for and ached for and starved and would die for. This story is how life lives to each next day and through every night of resolution.
Do these things, these feelings really exist? or are they created by a selfish naive trying to form the future of the universes because he can not see any further. Is death really a creation of seven mad men tearing their flesh by their teeth while dancing in delirious celebration? Is life really at the mourning of these bodies?
She turns her head from these visions and tries to dream another direction in hopes of opening her eyes to a less demented dimension. Here she begins to believe in a friendly vision written in third person and souly for entertainment. There is knowing, however, that each word is made magic and each sentence its' spell. The boy should never know about her secret places. She will show him anyways to see what he thinks and how he feels.
Laughing with a horrible emotion inside, she senses he wants petticoats and perfume and stockings that smell of a womans' musk. Three women to be precise. Mayb he wants lovely locks to pull his fingers through and soft selky skins to masterbate with his tongues. Mayb he wants to take advantage of him and tie him to a tree all the time placing females to kneel at his fleshy parts and draw out his seed to propagate yet another man in deservant fashion. I admire his adversity. Yet the girl despises his unrealistic expectations of the woman she is about to become.
I curse it and all religious rights that suppress any emotion, desire, dream, idea. It is what it is. Things that grow in the dark do not thrive when light shown on them. So in this cursed indescretionary mission i will see to it that we look directly into the face of fear and call it exactly what it is. And in that dissolution the guts will spill out and what is left we shall find. This will surly be very very messy. May there be respect or reverence? She doesn't know. That is not her mission as of yet.
Here they lay forever together upon blood soaked linens and a pair of white lace panties. Whomever said women were weak had never been torn open from the insides and then praised for their devotion. She knows pain by the day and is told to deny that she does. She does do it with pleasure as ever they are one in the same. We should not speak on this for it is mystery and must remain so.
Then here in the dirt her gentle parts lose their respect because why I do not know. Does love happen only in a satin gown? How could she stay naked and honest to her treaded boots when she is bent over backwards a boulder and her heels to the sky? She cries out that she loves the earth and the stars and her man made god. Her laces around his neck, she refuses to let go even though he is through with her filthy ass. No love, for respect is not love and sex is not love; or is it? He sets her feet back on the ground and lets her cling to him as long as she does not feel around him too much. She knows the pain and feels the pleasure.
"Enough of this bloody conformity!" his queen orders out from the written pages of time.
If I cut you, you might bleed through my paperwork. If you cut you, you could feel your own skin and how precious it may be. The Queen of Nonexistence could see how these things work in life and death, though she never had the need to try them herself. She could simply see the darkness with the same eyes that she was able to see the light. She was not a slave to her skin. Though you should know, these servants have a purpose as well in this lovely fucking story.
The ladies removed their armor and found their voices to be quite gentle and appealing. He seemed nervous that these particular three had never worn stockings beneath the metal sheathing. One wouldn't even lay down her sword before she crawled onto his lap and straddled him as she had her stead. She never even spoke the whole day before she rung the sweat from her hair and massaged the oils and ejaculate between her thighs and down her legs, up past her navel and along her shoulders between her breasts and around. The second of the lady had a sort of metallic smell to her skin. Too much iron he concluded and the girl agreed with a giggle. She begged him to kiss her and lick the iron sweat from her parts. He felt his stomach and his salivating glands choking his throat. The woman with the steel sword seemed to motion him a choice. He chose to taste the girl and all her parts and felt the vibrations in her body as she sang him a lore. He refused to eat for days later and he only wanted water poured across his lips, cold and slow. The lady in the next days was shiny and every part of her was firm and smooth to the touch. She laid down her weapons and poured salt and oil on the back of her neck and it ran to her feet. The other women, including the queen, used their finger tips to slide the granules into her pores and parts. Each area was then scraped clean. She tempted his neck first and his ear lobe. Then she bit his chin and sucked the taste from his beard. Then she bit his lip and then the other and moved inside his mouth. She moved to the other side. She sucked his fingers and licked his swollen head. She bit his inner thighs and the back of his calves. She scratched his back in long pressured motions. She felt each hair as it stood up with energy. Each pulse beneath his skin had hastened her heart. Each muscle contraction made her body tense and relax. He began to feel a fire in his body so deep that it began to catch his soul. He became frightened and tried to move as if to run. They told him he was free to run or come or stay or go as the confusion in him grew. He felt around frantically for his armor. All that was there was her codpiece and she gave it to him with pleasure. She placed it directly where he wanted it and waited until he felt secure. As her hands moved to grasp his maximus muscles he fell into a trance as she needed and rubbed and released his body to his soul. The piece fell to the floor as he reached for his own sword. But it was no use. He had only enough tenuous strength left to say, "hey queeny Mayb, you and i should go somewhere where we can be alone. I've been thinking of some things you and i could be doing together and this fantasy ain't gonna be able to do it all."
Then she remembered how selfish he had been. How difficult it was for him to stay or to hear him say the love words. She thought mayb if she were to tie his hands back around the tree and place her panties in his mouth, then she could do what she had in mind instead of listening to him go on about what he expected. 3:34 PM1 viewSunday, July 20, 2008 What To Say Or Not To Say?is this a trick or a test? r we trying to deduce what it isn't before we decide what it is? what is there to say? do we enjoy talking to eachother? do we make eachother laugh? and often? is there trust? is the silence comfortable?
and have we been destined to be together? and why are we distanced? r the differences too great?
what is this mysterious connection? and how do we come together? 11:28 AM1 viewWednesday, July 16, 2008 Ivyi am an honest and faithful and diligent woman. i practice good deeds and good thoughts and positive energy. i use my head and follow my heart and make treasure of my soul. i give more and expect less. i am kind and caring. i cherish my family. i seek value instead of riches. i speak with integrity and find virtue in others. i use moderation and creativity. i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty, and i have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstance. i keep patience and understanding as a mantra. i seek peace without war and unity without conformity. i am flexible and easy to please. i am so easily entertained. i read the bible as well as a number of other philosophical chronologies. i give to the church. i tend to the earth. children and animals and plants love me. i find inspiration in the room, the stars, and the trees. i want to love and have a vibrant life. i need health and good spirits to thrive.
i don't play head games or seek pleasure in emotional manipulation. i don't have meaningless sex or shallow relationships. i don't like drama or deceit. i don't want monotony or to dwell on the past. i refuse abuse in any way. i don't believe in the devil.
i am selfishly shy. i think way to much and often about myself. i desire less work and more rewards. i need unreasonable amounts of attention. i drink too much beer. i have a quick and firey temper. i have found heated jealousy within. i get hives and itching when i am stressed. sometimes i get red swollen chapped lips and the sides of my mouth crack. i have a tare in my labia from a hard childbirth. i had a beautiful child, out of wedlock. sometimes my feet blister and crack from hiking in high heels, abuse, and neglect. i have fibromyalgia and high anxiety accompanied by fatigue and depression. i am seeking pain management. i get horrible garlic and onion breath (because i love them deeply). i also have a very acidic body chemistry. my stomach gets tumultuous from dehydration and poor nutrition. i starve for love and affection. 2:15 PM4 viewsTuesday, July 15, 2008 Believe in your one true soul; never to be duplicated...again.
I wait for a sign.
Something that says...
'you will be here in the morning to hug me and bring me home...for good'
At the shore of a river of sticks, there is flooding and confusion and pain.
I wait for a sign.
There is fire at my back and it seems the only answer may be to go into the reptilian waters...again.
I wait for a sign.
Stop, drop, and roll as opposed to running around telling everybody that the world is on fire.
You will come for me soon. In so many ways.
I wait for a sign.
Could've tried harder...to be myself.
Should've called earlier and talked more soberly.
Would've been more mature and walked into your life at an earlier time.
Wanted to be there for you. In so many ways.
Wished that I had the nerve to show up... again.
--
In certain terms:
may we be the best of friends and family, may we be forever allies, may we find solace in comfort and serenity, may we find shelter in joy and laughter, may we grow with strength and prosperity and make wishes with wisdom, may we learn from weakness and find protection from fear, may we seek goodness and love for All eternity
--
a great friend gave this to me, and I want you to have it:
"a friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of ones heart, chaff and grain together;
knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping,
and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- c. Dampier 1991
--i miss you desperately. please think of me soon.
4:00 PM2 viewsTuesday, July 08, 2008 DeudameI was so glad to hear from him. I hardly believe it was you.
But you called for me! I am in Heaven!
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to say anything. I didn't know what not to say. I wanted to say everything all at once. I was hoping to just say anything. (very awkward feeling)
In shock I was. You know that moment righht before you're putting the jar in to seal? Is everything gonna turn out all right, spice and all? or could it explode right in your face? oh the pressure! i love it.
"Though we be lands apart, our hearts be as one."
i was hoping to be more patient and let the line be still for a moment, that we might give ourselves some time to truly get on line and say....
I Love You.
hope to hear from you sooner than later.
---love--- 9:44 AM5 viewsMonday, July 07, 2008 PRINT MEagreeing is easy to do. for you. and me. especially when the garden is involved. NOW survival... we'll have to catch up with eachother on the details. and then as always goals and expectations and desires may be discussed.
i have been hoping forever to agree with the man that wants to agree with me. on a long term basis of course.
and...Argh you serious? you really want to get................
......................
me to walk the plank? (har har har)
With Honor, Captain!
hope you like two swim too.
Mayb we can learn to communicate like fish. I give you kisses like im breathing, and you rub up against my fins once in a while to show you care. ?whatya think?
["Ahhh! but this one i 'Did'
intend for you:
- - -
nd 'be prepared'--
-no end-"] 1:56 PM1 viewSunday, July 06, 2008 Founding Fathers Meet Lady Libertyhttp://www.ladylibrty.com/bill_of_rights_n.html
4:22 PM4 viewsSunday, June 29, 2008 tree-house storiesShe wanted to tell him that she knew what is was to be a broken woman. That she knows how to love, she did not know how to talk deity nor dirty, and that she thought men liked those sorts of things. Pretending was something she didn't know how to do. To be sorry was something she did not know either. She wanted to know how to tell him.
She wants him to be happy and to find a life that he could thrive in. She wants to be happy and to find a life that she would thrive in. She understands that mayb she can never be perfect. That perfection is something that already is and nothing to be found. She believes mayb he was something perfect.
Then she began to see inadequacy and imperfection. How she wanted to be everything and yet thought she was nothing. She knew also what nothing was. She never wanted him to know this. She already knew how to say she was sorry. She knew sorry never says you are wrong; it simply implies sympathy. She didn't know much about that; empathy makes more sense.
She wants him to say he is sorry for leaving her out in the cold, vicious world to be alone with the wolves. Though, she had begun to love those wolves inspite. Of this, she knew appreciation. Of this, she loved the moon. After all this mayb love is all we need to know. 9:42 PM11 viewsSaturday, June 28, 2008 Then she began to- write like it didn't matter anyways. The type O's the fowl language; they didn't mean anything anyways. Any body was listening any ways. How angry could she get? How seductive could she be; without the love and the sex and the beauty of it? What did it mean?
She stepped up. That was what she needed to do for herself. She needed. That was what she needed. Else there was something else? She found that something else a long long time ago when she stepped up. In fact it wasn't time. It was love. God, she needed love. Love felt like pricks and needles and carefull down. She wanted to know more.
To know more was what was needed. Kneaded was a word she longed for. Aching muscles and a forlorned back made her strong and weakened her senses. There was numbness around her sensitive parts. He didn't mind. She just kept going. They kept hoping.
One day there was a stumbling across. Damnit it hurt. He knew it cause he saw it cause she wore it like a crown. It was on her sleeves and her leaves. Un-natural discomfort began to set in for the arms that grew around. What did he want anyways? She had nothing to offer except for heart sleeves and autumn leaves. He didn't even want to know about the beauty they might bring.
Suddenly as it was made, the cover came off and they were bare to behold. She opened her mouth to speak truth and joy. She enjoyed that right there in her naked mouth. She couldn't even speak. She kept wording and tongueing hoping that something gracious would come out. Only nothing did. He couldn't call out. It was sad.
She came everday hoping that something would come out. Of this he said, "I love.". Of this she said, "I know." She knew how it felt; to love. To be seductive of that idea for the greater good. Then she removed her mouth and what was there. She sat on it for a while and decide that he might need something more direct. He might need to feel her lips to know that she loved him and that he could come every night and never feel badly.
He could even mess up and still have the sunshine out his ass. Whatever she could say wrong was probably the right thing to say. She remained silent because words were for speakers and she was a rhythm. He didn't know. She could understand.
They stayed far away from eachother as long as the sex would stand. Niether knew how far away it could take them. Who could care when there was feelings so tight and something so big beginning inside them. All this was so dirty anyhow. Too much work, too much trouble; to keep simple and sterile was so much easier.
He went away. She stayed away. Then she looked up. Then he looked up. Then she looked down. Then he wanted to know what she was looking at. She didn't know. She wouldn't understand down. He couldn't understand down. Then they looked up for once in really long time. It was nuts.
The two enjoyed the view very much. They held these amazing things in common. The two enjoyed it for a very long time. 12:09 AM8 viewsThursday, June 26, 2008 Say Something Meaningful"Our ancestors pickled many vegetables to preserve them for winter eating. Salt and acetic acids in the vinegar inhibited growth of microorganisms that rotted food or even made it toxic. Cucumbers was the most common vegetable that was pickled, but beets, greenbeans, cabbages, radish pods, okra, and hot peppers were also preserved. Watermelon rind pickles were especially popular in the Mid-Atlantic states.
4:39 PM9 viewsMonday, June 23, 2008 GrimrWhat is this numbness? Do you care to know why? Is it in the air? Is it in the sky? Does it poison the food? Does it get you high? Where does it come from? Will it make you die? When did it get here? What can it buy? Is it simple, complex? Does it wear a tie? Is it in the water? Will it make you cry? Does it come with knowledge? Is it really a lie? How can we see it? Is it in the eye? Who feels pain? What is the sigh? Why should I care? Aren't we all gonna fry?
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Name: hypgnostic Gender: Female Member Since: 5/16/2008
- - - -
HP408 TXT 7,570 04-18-08 12:20p HP408.TXT my xanga.com\deuda_m comment replys to her 'messages' 4-18-08
i capture all you type and
reed it at home..
but i can see (at a glance)
im missing you to much.
-
these days
we pass each other just enuff
to make hearts bleed.
-
is that tech-no world?
no wonder galeeb urges
a RET-TURN.
-
this is pain-FULL.
its not the world they said it wood be.
-
i urge all to break with it.
but since im here touching
a girl i love... and she's...
the 'only' one that has me in
'cyber-space' (or any space).
i need to pause...
-
(choke)...god! you reely do-do
all this xanga.com\hip_gnostic
for me?
im just a stupid male.
-
(shaky)
yyou rreely doo ccare.
-
i hope i can direct that-kind of
power... (for best effects)
to people\places..in time.(WOW)
you make things so beautiful...
for me.
-
its freightning what one maydn can do.
-
(im still typing without thinking)
-
you are a dream...
i wish english had a better word.
'beautiful' dosnt draw what you are to me.
infact, it sorta-of 'scribbles' up the picture.
how about... 'magical' ?
'girl-of-my-dreems' ?
how about... 'im not flirting'
i wish i wood.
you kinda-of deserve it.
-
but i dont. i report.
and then gush.
-
sometimes i even
report on a male-gush.
and why he did-so that-way.
-
im hopeless...
i try to fit all you do into a...
'progress report'
with no pause to tell you...
you are so much...more...
than that...(sob)
god! and you hate cry-babys so...
thats good.
you dont need to know why
males-cry anyway.
this male see's into the heart.
someone tawt me to do that.
else i wood demand pictures.
and somthing to lust at...
(hey thanks for that appolos-venus picture post)
i wood want only your body.
...one of those...'hump-and-dump'
relation-ships...
but you will need to teach-me that cuz...
what i see in you is sooo much gooderr.
my relation-ships are built for heart-wars.
the whole fleet gets bombed every day,
it goes on all nite...
it will go on all day!
the war for peoples
MINDS!
attention-spans,media,edu,trash-canning musick!
meanwhile...
my little-scanners go crazy over-you.
deleting all the distractions and 'noise'
and using you to do somthing beutiful.
INSTEAD.
i think girls like heart-felt things more
than boys...
i just wish i wood woory about looks...
and not the beutiful person you are
'inside' just...for.... practice sake?
i meen...how am i going to fuck my sister?
(gross)
this takes alot of 'focus'
-
im way off balance.
keep holding my hand like you do.
i go over your papers alot.
-
and...
let me qwit for now...
im not being aloud to say-type
somthing heart-felt...
nor go over-it.
-
sometimes you need to
see me do that. cuz...
males are funny to hear...
when they dont think...
.
.
.
do they think?
- OptionsDisable Get Free Shots upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f... hip_gnostic's Xanga Site Weblog Photos Videos Albums Pulse Profile Chatboard visiting: hip_gnostic Subscribe to hip_gnostic Add to friends Send a message subscribe Click to see options ratings Click to see options flag Home (private) Subscriptions Messages Feedback Log Your Site (public preview) deuda_m New Weblog Entry Add Photos Add Videos Add Pulse blog now Credits let you buy fun stuff on Xanga (like Minis). See How to Get Credits… Get Xanga Premium! Buy Credits Directly credits: 1,020 sign out hip_gnostic weblog photos videos albums audio pulse profile chatboard subscribe Weblog
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
hope. you R ok.
i want to tear into you right now.
tell you a thing or two...
about circles and being direct
or genuine
or real;
im too tired or sad or worried or confused
to say-(type)-care ...anything.
--(a)(e)iou
ps. if i ever get my breath back you had better look out 9:24 PM2 eprops1 commentemail
Friday, April 11, 2008 IOU - Letter
1.) Introduce
2.) Things I like to do
3.) What I am good at
4.) What I don't enjoy
5.) Goals for this year
["Apollo reached the tree and, still enamoured with Daphne, he mourned, as Ovid wrote in the Metamorphoses:"]
"Fairest of maidens, you are lost to me. But at least you shall be my tree. With your leaves my victors shall wreathe their brows. You shall have your part in all my triumphs. Apollo and his laurel shall be joined together wherever songs are sung and stories told."
Apollo and Daphne is a baroque, life-sized marble sculpture by Italian Gian Lorenzo Bernini, housed in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. It was inspired by one of the stories included in Ovid's Metamorphoses. 9:30 PMadd epropsadd commentsemail
The Meanest, Most Average, Invisible Man I Have Never Met (u sure know how to ignore a girl)
this is so fucking backwards
sdrawkcab gnikcuf os si siht
OR plain:
gnikcuf os
Do you wantto know what i think about you? You know, those little dark thoughts included. I like when you tell me what you really think about me. I feel more rounded. They say that something is wrong with a person that doesn't have atleast one enemy. I like it when you imply me as a whore and other derogatory terms for women; it gives me reason to do bad things to you.
Besides, just cuz you think it doesn't meen that it is true. 10:50 AMadd epropsadd commentsemail
Tuesday, April 08, 2008 he Loves me. he Loves me not.-3 9:47 PMadd epropsadd commentsemail
Saturday, April 05, 2008 The Tao of Pooh;"when my hands are not strong-enuff to...carry her to bed.(...) - (.more.) strong tribes. a church. a group. a community club. somthing to keep them together. - strong families make strong homes. - a strong home needs gods words. and ::commitment:: to bring maydn and th-boys home. - no more playing-around. we got to eat and live and work together wither we like each-other or not. - wither we got feelings or not. - (.more.) danger: sex 'is' marriage... - commitment?: stay with this person even if we dont like. we are to live together. wither love comes or goes. sound good? sounds possible. cuz then loosy-goosy can go boing-boing back to her 'problems' and thats why i love her. she reminds me how hopeless helpless and impossible all is. i love her for that. - so... deuda_m stays with males in the woods.? a simple monistic life. with rewards. th-boys dream: no girls allowed! but how did those males get together?, a brotherly order starts. with a woman. so... now im back to snow-black and 3+4 dwarves. ...im going in circles... no point.(hehe) - but somewhere in this mess of men,maidens and straw-houses is peace, and 'that' little maydn, sitting over-there content with 'her-problems': she sits there thinking:"
to speak my mind eor to not speak my mind. to think before i speak eor to not think before i speak.
when does a question become an answer.
when does saying your peace become rubbing peoples emotions.
'if' death do u-s part.
and other good stuff along those lines.
What i can do is look at you and hope that you see my eyes looking up, my chest rise, and all the color return to my face again; as you recite things that only i would expect myself to dream up. (that is the best literal term i could come up with...for Now)
I donut know how these words have such a wonderful hold on me. These ideas that my untamed heart have dreamed of and believed into existence. (kinda what it feels like)
The Unedited Alchemists Mind of Love -- i wonder if we could do that? it might be hard...i think i could do it.? i think i might like to do it? (not sex 'it', love 'it') and then...with you I mean...MayB...if we were able and didn't have canes. .. Canes are sexy too. It a natural thing baby, lighten up. The Bible aint got nuthn on me. (i'm going to play hockey in hell for that one)
i started out at 'the tao of pooh' as i quite certainly was thinking of a sexual construction of taoism. truly canut control myself. my body talks, i listen. do i jump at every reaction, no. i do not have that disease. but if i did...could you still love me?
i know folks that live in seperate houses yet still speak true to eachother. (wood that make sense?)
i believe in a matching of the spirit, mind, and body. if we live that, if we do our very best. the 'other'ness works. itself out. agh. what i mean is...care-fullness, and care-ing...REThe best thing to keep REAL-Good relationships going...good ones and bad ones.
"they" did a study on 50+ year realtionships. each copule of people (cuz they did not include plutonic or familial relations) reported "KINDNESS"/ "GENTLENESS" the number one contributing factor to lasting connection.
"so if you are nice to me, i might stick around for a while, mayB longer if I do."
--
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IT is Huge. Enormous. Guy-normous, Stupendous. Need I say more? You know what IM talking about. If you don't, please ask. I can add more... finess if need be. Call me! Ms. Bias but I adore your Sight. What we have here is genious and IM all aboot "gen-ious". You R in trouble tho. You know that...right? YouR not going to like what I have to say or what IM going to do too...YouR gonna LOVE it. Thats All there is to it. SO if we get bored or insecure, change it. Strip... off the layers until we like it again and then we love it. We Make love. Easy... Call me whatever You want just don't call me late for breakfast. I Heart Breakfast. NOW You know. U tell me... I May either fuck You fantastic or Make Love to You until you die. YouR CHOICE. Reminiscent of pumps-clothed or pumps-nude. ?? Posted 3/12/2008 10:52 PM xanga.com\hip_gnostic block delete
- - - -
comment about 'edible communities' and 'G.R.U.B.'programs, start a chapter in 'your-area'
this looks like the best one: http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm
cuz maydn... you-ARE 'the people' i will be keeeping for a long-long time.
even if i can only carry 'YOU'... in my heart.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete telling you 'how'
i think.
wasnt i smart move.
-
but i open everything to you.
i cant resist you no more.
if your going to hurt me... you reeeeely will.
-
it dont matter..
i still dreeeem of you. plenty of your words help me do that.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:29 PM deuda_m block delete maydn... you said:
i guess i don't understand. i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving. it hurts me to say that to you. i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs. i need to protect myself though...
...
oh maydn!!
my honey! that does hurt.
i will rip open my core just once for you to let you know 'how' i hope and think:
i wake up knowing that: somehow i wasted today or part of it.
i feel like i offended myself.. like when you eat somthing you know make you feel gilty.
i deel with it cuz... i offended myself! its a taste of what i must look like to son-god when i offend him.
i use it to tell him to remove ALL offense to him to self and to others by his precious healing blood. he always is reddy to give me what i dont earn nor deserve: rite-standing again. '
his spirit is now freee to help me forgive and watch and do better. that is a miracle.
also:
knowing he will gide me to love what i shood say, do, type, be is also another 'miracle'
thats what i use to make threw times when you say 'i cant be what you want' know that you will be, maybe not what i planned. but exactly what son-god planned.
im soo happy about that. for you. and for me. cuz i fear that all the time
honey. weep no more.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn...
i forgot the hug:
x - x - x
(2 hours later:)
i like you the way you are.
i stop to say that.
cuz we all go to hard with
'growing' where we want.
that i forget to say...
i have what i want.
you are just so...
x - x - x ...
(three hours later:)
beautiful.
-
you always hit the rite words...
-
even if english is...
a bit...
silly.
-
your meenz heart is alot to me.
you show that.
you know that. -
i say: list possibilities.
cuz your rite.
protection is more important.. than me.
-\
i need you to do that.
or i loose....everything:
. . . . -YOU-
- Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!!
i love you . Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread
April 18, 2008 1:47 PM Anonymous said... Problem: IF 1min=1year THEN 24sec=?
The time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more. Again -- and always (i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.) Love You Love. you sexy beast
April 24, 2008 6:56 AM Anonymous said... So I threw the bell and the towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in the right season. Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope he does that again soon. Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a while. --
May 21, 2008 6:53 AM Post a Comment
About Me Name: Arise! View my complete profile
Previous Posts
- end of strm8 5-08
xanga messgs:
since you asked though...the "password" was a verification code that i had to type in everytime i want to be with you. i just thought "zayon" seemed similar to zion, thought maybe the coincidence was entertaining. mayb the entertainment was simply coincidental. i still don't understand... why you won't call me. alot of things. Posted 4/18/2008 10:25 if i could se the future i wood say that we might carry this out for some time until we are bored enough to play a new game. whatever it is that you need deer. you shall have, if by my hand. i tell you though that time is the most precious thing that the Sun gives. i feel blessed to be able to walk in this time...and with you... is...so much more than i ever expected. mayb too much. you love me and me love you so peace call me some time Big-Boy (i'm not clear on what you want to do with this ''lock'' stuff) i will be your friend but only if i can spank you... in a game of... chess--t -- ps i love streem 8 and what you've done with it. feel free to weed out my non-sense. i get carried away... i_know...that's why i love this "lock"-ness. i can edit-myself. always had a prob wit dat. free-spirit (gifted) ret-arded LOVE ALWAYS! --the girl Posted 4/19/2008 6:00 PM i like the figure 8 concept to your building design i want to add chicken wire and styrofoam to stabilize unique architectural forms, insulate, and recycle all that styrofoam that has no home. Recycling plants haven't found a desirable market for styrofoam...
so there. home exception: when styrofoam breaks down it emits toxic chemicals (nox-iou-s?) ?to sleep-in? however, barbed-chicken wire emits gross metal-detection = not earthy...doesn't blend under infra-red and the ground-roof is worth watering for many reasons, one being: utilized space, earth-walls (similar design to pyramidal rice farms in china) excellent insulate, and if the roof starts to leak then plant some more weed. also: When a thatched awning is placed wide out over the main structural roof it redirects runoff and wind to maintain the construct of the main barrier wall...if ridged the water can be trophed into, buckets, waterfalls, pools. also: interior lighting can be achieved naturally by building 60 degree skylight windows in the roof. structurally supported by a large shape (4'+ in diameter) that resemblesthe bones of a cactus or might look like a tree with large slats missing vertically around the trunk. also: structurally this shape may support wider roof tops=rooms , without having to use the full closed structure of the weight-bearing walls. This would act as a pillar and provide necessary lighting. a convex window could refract light and heat or if flipped possibly the opposite. also: the center of this structure can be utilized as an atrium, an aviary, a pool room...open to the central interior of the structure.
yes, i get off on this too...
Underground Living \With 2 (more) Stories Wild Monkey Love & Getting Back to Basics
-- Posted 4/20/2008 2:31 PM hip_gnostic block delete please tell me where you went. (just leave a note) if you are mad: just leave a note..."Gone Mad". If you are sad: ":-(" If you are bored: "want to get nailed?" If you hate me: "falsetto" If you are confused or frustrated with me: "?????!!!" If you feel that i have done you an injustice: "put up your dukes, let's get down to it" If you feel over-sexed: "put your nurse's uniform back on woman!" If you do not want to tell me where you are: "see ya later" If you never want to talk to me again: "see ya never" If you are just too busy: "i can't play right now. mayb later."
something, anything. my mind is making up stories and none of them are true because ... i really can't be sure. for a hip gnostic girl, this could destroy me. -- lov`e you, miss you, hope to see you sooner than later Posted 5/8/2008 11:07 AM hip_gnostic block delete i apologize for not understanding how to "lock you up". i think that i can pleez you without the lock. your other friends might see though. so a direct message to you from me might be sexier than the basic made-for-tv-audience. i admit that i am having a difficult time opening up to you right now because i am uncomfortable with this internet and i am wondering what is your reason for so much secrecy. are you an ex-con? what are you hiding from? are you just a paranoid person? (opleez take no offense cuz i mean no harm) i just want to open up to you and am confused by the difficulty this is presenting. there is a reason for it. what is blocking the flow? of streem 8? what is the reason for misunderstanding? pleez just tell me you R who I think you are and that i don't have to follow anymore rules to be with you. pleez just give me a sign that the man behind the mask is the one i've loved all along And i can tell you that i am not "crazy!" just extremely anxiety ridden at the sad state of clinical living. -- Posted 4/28/2008 1:17 PM hip_gnostic block delete just when i thought This Thing that we are doing here was about to get better... down the emotional tubes. Let's be direct. That is something that i have been trying to direct out of you for...years. now. All joking and creativity aside; when i ask you a question, please answer it. you really hurt my feelers when you ignore me/my thoughts and or person, or try to avoid me/my thoughts and or person. pleez say what you are thinking. as i can nearly see the future; i cannot yet effectively read minds. For some unearthly reason I really want to know what is in yours (mind). For God's sake just say it, it doesn't matter how stupid you think it may sound. I like to be able to feel stupid sometimes. Respectable knowledge and perfect ettiquete is retarded and over-rated and ... fake. If there could be something in this world that pisses me off, it would be "fake" anything. As I know how insensitive and then overly-sensitive i can be, i realize that you have been wrenching your guts to say something. I realize that these notebooks and slips of paper that i have been hoarding probably could have been typed in and sent to you, thus relieving this severe anxiety that something that should have been said was not. I'm really not afraid to say something to You??? anymore. It is what i don't say to you that i am afraid of. I wish you can see that. All this "stuff" this "emotion" this heart-throbbing that is too overwhelming to control. This feeling that there will never be another you??? in my life, someone to understand and in return understand me, someone to connect to the Spirit with me just at a glance, someone to experience miracles with. my spirit is dieing inside, it is talking so fast yet so clear that my abilities cannot keep up and my mind now knows these things that my body cannot do. Amazing how slow this body is compared to this spirit. damn it if i could just say all there is to say, mayb make more George Washingtons to buy that hawaiian villa, mayb put some words into your mouth (you know...the ones i think i'd like to hear), mayb if i could just swing high enough to flip over that bar just one time. damn it mayb then you'd believe....and call me on the telephone to say the things that need to be said...to make my affections worth while...and yours. i don't want to waste your time, i just want to waste some time with you. i'm certainly not a fighter though. i gave that up some time ago. I'm all about surrender anymore. That is what has been asked of me. That is why i don't missionary, or hide, and try not to fear...much. I love you still, though you make me cry and make my insides ache every damn day. even if you get mad and then apologize later, i'm a very forgiving person. sometimes i don't even un-forgive when you think i should...so forgiveness is un-necessary. honey i know i am a strange(unique) person, I'm definately an aquired taste, i take some patience and understanding and alot of open-mindedness. i'm so worth the effort though, cuz i give it all back ten-fold. and i do it on purpose. so if you still feel that love is a waste of time, then look up my sweet cuz cause it's all around you and you're wasting time. -- Posted 4/28/2008 12:29 PM hip_gnostic block delete uuuuugggh!
to much pain you are sis.
i tell you what i will do.
xanga.com\deuda_m
will invite you to be his 'friend'
and then you can put a..
'friends-lock' on your hip_gnostic site
if thats what you reeely wanted.
so you can do to me what ever you want.
i dont trust internet 'anything' anymore. so. no identification (please)
i got suspecious when you typed: i hope this pass-code? gets to the rite person (on streem-8)
i listed the possibility that someone else must be talking to you cuz i dont know any 'zayon' password. nor wood i use it unless you explain what it was ment for...
anyway...streem-8 is geeting to messy.
i reely want to do this... i will invite you to be my friend and you can put a 'lock' on me.
friendship is fun.
i hope i have listed the possibilities (galeeb) use it. but beware...we must 'never' re-veal each-other. dont you think?
if you make a 'passage' to yourself. im 'not' the only one who will find it. i even think someone uses my deuda_m
so its... hopeless?
and i love you.
-
love defies gravity.
i dont like that.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:57 PM deuda_m block delete still searching for
pictures that tell you
what i dreem when i dreem of you...(silly boy stuff)
this looks like the best one: http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm
cuz maydn... you-ARE 'the people' i will be keeeping for a long-long time.
even if i can only carry 'YOU'... in my heart.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete
You deserve better than that! and so do i. Yes, my body(of type) is great and i can keep giving you that. However your "Ret-urn" is not exactly what i was hoping for. Not to say that it is hopeless. My heart, how-ever, needs more attention.
so i shut down quite abruptly to contemplate/ reflect... as i often do.
wanting......anyways(you don't wantto hear all that is inside of that)...wanting to be so honest with you. trying to remain so honest with you as this world can be deceiving and habitually-false. i decided that realistically you probably would want nothing to do with a young woman who has no real goal in life but to live, love, and be happy. A man might need a woman to take care of him financially and to be older and wiser than something i might be able to accomlpish.....in All reality. Possibly my mood swings might be too swingy and my mind too changy and my demeanor to mean and my hilly too silly. yep, thats what it come down/up to. i love you and maybe you love me too but friends can love eachother. i'm not sure if friends can be lovers. i'd like to hope so. then again, what do i know? you know, that is a good question. i will look it up and post on that later.
so when i say that i don't wantto wait around for you to go off on your boy trips without me. OR make me feel seperate from your male-parts because i am a girl/female/femfetal/wo-man. Or when i type that i need more attention than what you are accustomed to giving. OR that i am way too flaky, free-spirited, and indecisive too impress anyone...really. OR that my life-style or want-tobe lifestyle is probably not exactly what you were looking for in that perfect-lady. OR that it would be niceto for you to find someone to show the way (even though there truly is no "Way") only Some-Way (MayB G-O-D's Way?) OR that...
really really what i'm trying to say is that i think you have a plan and that you ought to follow it because it is yours. i don't have a plan. i'm not sur if i want a plan. every1 tells me i ought to have a plan. im not sur if i agree. i have goals, then i work backwards from there. My main goal is to form a loving foundation upon which to develope a healthy family and close friendships. too simple for todays pshychological mumbo-jumbo. and womens-lib is an invention. women don't need to be liberated, we already are born that way...even if we enjoy not voting(for idiological governmental institutions) cooking and cleaning (wenches/witches work) and laying it down for our men ()
MayB you wantto discuss some complicated ideas some time with me. i might make it simple and you probably don't need that. MayB we can be friends... For Real. MayB in the mean-time i can keep posting to your Hope and Love to Earth. Tell me whatto do...I like it. Posted 5/18/2008 5:02 PM hypgnostic block delete
- - - -
shood say, do, type, be is also another 'miracle'
thats what i use to make threw times when you say 'i cant be what you want' know that you will be, maybe not what i planned. but exactly what son-god planned.
im soo happy about that. for you. and for me. cuz i fear that all the time
honey. weep no more.
- Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn...
i forgot the hug:
x - x - x
(2 hours later:)
i like you the way you are.
i stop to say that.
cuz we all go to hard with
'growing' where we want.
that i forget to say...
i have what i want.
you are just so...
x - x - x ...
(three hours later:)
beautiful.
-
you always hit the rite words...
-
even if english is...
a bit...
silly.
-
your meenz heart is alot to me.
you show that.
you know that. -
i say: list possibilities.
cuz your rite.
protection is more important.. than me.
-\
i need you to do that.
or i loose....everything:
. . . . -YOU-
- Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!!
i love you . Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread
April 18, 2008 1:47 PM
Anonymous said... Problem: IF 1min=1year THEN 24sec=?
The time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more. Again -- and always (i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.) Love You Love. you sexy beast
April 24, 2008 6:56 AM
Anonymous said... So I threw the bell and the towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in the right season. Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope he does that again soon. Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a while. --
May 21, 2008 6:53 AM
Anonymous said... im still pre-paring for another
8-8-08
i see hip_gnosti closed her site.
still you stand as the great-one.
=
and ye...my garden still grows.. cuz o th wrds U have typed.
CMTS7 TXT 8,290 04-18-08 2:06p CMTS7.TXT her first original post and the latest 4-18-08 xanga.com um... i meen...
reeeely! ?
- Sent 3/12/2008 8:07 PM deuda_m block delete : i hope: www.galeeb.blogspot.com this Tribal data-bank will help you farm-Rite. with 4site. Sent 3/12/2008 8:06 PM deuda_m block delete Daize later...I finally made it. Better late than never, that's what I always say. Through floods and snow storms and piles of dishes, I finally mayd it....here. NOW...cum over here and help me with these buttons. The ones in the middle of my back are so Hard to reach. Hurry please, I've been waiting quite some time to take these stockings off and wrap my bare legs around your waist. Do you think these pumps go better with or without clothes? Posted 3/11/2008 10:45 PM hip_gnostic block delete Are you a leaf?
You do not know where I live?
Now how can I call you if you do not call me first? oh silly silly.
Can farm people live in a smaller village than what your use to and still be considered 'possible'?
Are you a patriot? Are you a patronizer?
Do you like Pina Coladas?
And getting caught in the rain?
Are you a lover of interesting facts? And do you sometimes post them in certain places for the public to read?
What color was my water gun?
What color shirt were you wearing? ...oh wait maybe you're color blind...
Are you color blind?
Will you please just answer my questions? ...oh wait maybe you don't want to answer my questions...
Is this 20 questions? Yes.
Will you please just answer my questions?
Am I asking you too many questions?
OK (statement)
Why don't you call me...friend?..on the telephone.
i'm not going to give you my phone number and i don't want to call your friends and family first about this...you call my family and talk to all of them first...before you call me. boohoowho-why God...this crazy joke on my logician? I won't play! aaha...there's the answer! No Play! won't play! day1..2...3.... ouch. everything hurts. like i just got nailed (to a cross tumbling into hell...and then is returned through windows {in(to)} the atmosphere. ...windows...like...microsofter-harder. oh sorry!.... no play. i'm not a little girl...little girls grow up...if they are lucky! And happy to be so. I still do not like you! i love you though. I had a great dad growing up; and i learned that if men could be that cool and wonderful and kind...then maybe growing up to be a woman wouldn't be so bad and mayB i could be friends with boys too...cause i could beat em thumbs down on a thumb wrestle...and i learned to play cards until dawn with a deck of 51...now...uhhhm Now donut tell me theres nothin to do. damn! playing again. i actually TRY to play more often than I really should... you, you...helped me realize this. thx! NO Play! there's only one person that knows my identity... my true identity... and that's BatMan! So for scared-out-of-my-flickin... ummm...not flickin...cause i wouldn't want to offend my amish side I wantto 'open' a door for you also. Invite you into my home. A chance to know me...what my agricultural practices R. What my family has survived with and brought forth bountiful life with. What nature I commune with. I am a free range hen if you will. Chicken? Yes. Free range? YES! How can you catch the wind? In your windbags of course? Are you a clovers or moss type? And and maybe i wantto know about you. ALOT! but not like normal stuff...that too...only LOOK...an owl...its getting later than you think... i wantto be real with you...no/yes, I mean it! I wantto be REAL. i have very 'exclusive relationships' with people... men, women, animals (cause animals are people too.) plants ( yeup... people 2) yah...rocks...a very extended liniage in rocks. Sorry if i trip you out and make you listen to Straw-berry Shortie Cakes songs. You got issues though Deud. red headed issues brother. ha. that sounds funny as ... oh brother. yah, i like this. I'm not russian or anything. so as far as jumping into my religious stuf i would kindly request that you have understanding in the "L" and allow me to worship in whatever way i feel i am being called. that word keeps arising. hm. right now i have alot of work to do. i work work doing tasks that i know i belong at because i am there.
i want my own farm. i want to be able to balance conventional society with sustainable lifestyles. It is important. It will make my children stronger. I have a chance at it. I see opportunity every where I look. My mind is not set. on location. I like to stay a while; 10 years to pay of a loan maybe. lots of opportunities. Lots the american dream! that also includes South America and Canada. So if i run out far enuf into the land and stick a flag in my ground and tame it MayB. Then can i be a farmer and an accountant? I heart math! So the math says go to bed, queeny. and i thumb my nose at the queen too. cuz she's not the boss! I am. So we can play until you really want to be real with me. I mean it.. just be real. you are who you are. or aren't you? "philosphy is a walk on the slippery rocks" --EBrickell
...i wantto go on in my head with "just stay off the computer and leave this 'scary obtusocity' be." but i won't type it unless i think you'd wantto know whats going on in my head. big-little girls are funny like that. yah really i wanto put a man inside this body of type and not an electrical...well...device. zzz one thing i've learned from living in the cities is to judge a man by his content. and getto know a person's face rather than their words. study their smile not their daily religious clothing. and if you want to have a friend be a friend. and if you can handle a person's worst you can mayB be friends for a while, mayB longer... yep, one thing I've learned. oh my back hurts from typing my lil heart out till the cows come home and getting rode so hard my skin is red and ...throwing cow bell (scene one) goodnight sweet prince, you are too kind to be a king and too good to be a knight. So good knight sweet prince. Till you rule my heart again. ...and i learn to play more. cuz that was fun. 1212--by the rules...no play and sleep for atleast 5 hours. always breakin the damn rules. i think i'm too blasphemous for a mainstream religious community. i'm affiliated with all of them in one way or another. I get out there. I put myself out there to do spiritual work that the Great Spirit requests. I take a very wide range of requests. Everyday all day 24-7. Therefore I meet a very large range of people. In my line of 'work'. The Great Spirit created taxes too. and numbers and fake dollars that control fake ideas that supply fake food to fake communities that need to eat too. Cause they are very very real. oh wait,,,you almost got me again... no play. except for the kind I'm thinking of and well,,, I'm really...not...playing. --OX Posted 4/3/2008 12:33 AM hip_gnostic block delete
and the white-stone
still Hangs true.
to you.
-
wither you start somthing new '8' or not.
. Sent 4/2/2008 10:27 PM deuda_m block delete your just my heart-parts too.
-
i know.
i knew.
. Sent 4/2/2008 10:29 PM deuda_m block delete your aweful lots to me.
-
. Sent 4/2/2008 10:27 PM deuda_m block delete i just got all your messages and red them.
i reeely want to give
'my' phone number -NOW-.
to talk. just talk.
pleez connect with area-mennonites.
you burnt an '8' on your leg.???
to hear you went one time. to any 'church' local. baptist christian community anything...(.in that order.)
wood make me feel more redy.
i just need a clue your all-rite.
i hope moving to your xanga is a good step.
i almost didnt go to galeeb.
i feel you want me closer. but i posted hip-g408 at both places just in case.
i want to stay here now.
no more streem-8.
just you. -
stop to read some www.chick.com chick tracks by jack t.? chick i heart his comic?publication very much.
-
you are precious to me.
-
do you....
do you know that?
. .
home is where the heart is. . . keep breething sis'.
xanga.com\gxnealmxnds Wednesday, December 03, 2008 you found me. lost and insecure.
I think I've quoted early from the-dance many times, and i'm going to again. I read in early from the-dance, a brilliant book, about the differences of being in love, and simply 'loving.' It said you can love someone, and not be in love with them. But still can bank of falling in love with them. It talked a lot about a girl who was beautiful, popular, and smart. She had a tough guy boyfriend until another guy tried to win her over.
my comment:
i think eye get-it now.
eye con-fuzed 'loving' someone. with being 'in-love'.? '
the difference.? do you feel it?..! 'LOVING'someone..is not. 'IN-LOVE'with someone.
example: 'loving' someone SEEKs only whats best for that person. it allows his\her free-will.
but when 'in-love' you are self-seeking.soul-mating.
::here are clues:: it wants to touch and kiss. it says your 'Mine' only. it says 'eye will Kill you Or Myself if you leave me.'
i see my wrong eye was mixing the two without knowing it.!
it made friendships hard. it made me afraid. it made me alone.
everyone else is getting 'hit' by it too.!
by books.songs.movies emotion.lust.pride. confusion...for-profit. ... but a heart-keeper wants to Build a fortress where hearts can get-away from these 'bombs' and have a shelter where emotions and love can grow.safe.
better-known as a 'HOME'.
... once home is made-safe. being 'in-love' has a better purpose.
and perfect-love casts-out fear!
but out-side the home... Lust can quickly destroy hearts and lives.
to build-up? to break-down? what person and story will 'YoU' bee? this year.
(.end of comment.)
note...do you know? some guys try to 'win' a girl just cuz they are bored? then they 'drop' her the moment they get 'bored' again.
WTF? are we just 'kids' playing with valuables.?
these-hearts are here! for a 'higher' purpose.
(.more.) Emotions must... not be followed. but questioned. not expressed.. but corrected. not trusted. but gided.
why?...cuz they are always...changing!... not good for building home-nor-heart upon.
your heart and soul is your: mind(reason) will(spirit) emotions(feelings)
th-Mind MUST be fed gods-words (Bible) or it is lost without its Design-neer.
th-Will soon follows. (.a heart to obey.)
emotions can too! and be comforted but often run way-off.
its best to be hiding around where families meet.
it offers emotional-support. its a safety that 'lover'and'friend' can-not.give.
i wood not want you emotionaly-dependent. on any-one person.
thats hard cuz... something in me...WANTs to be 'in-love'...Or REmember-a-day eye was.
...nobody was hurt? maydn was 'hurt'... 'love' made it heal. she smiled again.
when all-else fails... God is Good!... Trials make us better. ASK:whats god telling me?
someone is lost and needs to know-you better. you are using my problems to open the way!
Jesu clean and gide me! iz what matters. jesu makes Day brite. and nite rite.
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(.next comment.)
boyfriend-girlfriend dosnt work.
its giving body and emotions to someone who may not be 'the One' your are tampering with your soul(one) and sex.
a heart-keeper wood shreek! at-this..cuz.of the cost it carries.
solution: think like a child: draw a setting you-yourself wood like to grow-up in. then go adopt a mate.
i wood 'not' want my parents 'throwing' out their body and emotions to anybody!
...without first having a place ready...
for me...and themselves... and any un-expected kids who mite drop in...
i meen:i want to say: we prepared a loving place for you. You wrnt just a-sort-of 'ooops' we had.
note: SEX..'IS'..marriage.
- -
theres nothing wrong with being-inmature, un-ready.
pre-pair-ing each-other and Waiting for a better-time is much better than wrong-ing each-other. wrong-ing lives for all-time.
cuz being 'in-love' 'marks' you permanently. so-be-prepared. or drop-it. your 'better' without it!
you gobbled-up your time. ruined your spirit. changed your character. lost your mind-will-emotions. lost your drive for beauty. the 'inner-beauty' childhood had.
- -
will a girl get pregnant just cuz her happy-friend did? ...the smile is 'fake' ask her! a single-parent life-style. is a living-Hell.
- -
(.more.) one in five people have herpes-disease. no-cure. only a burning-itch that is passed-on to all who touch you...
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(.next comment.)
rite-around christmas. mother-child-father concepts come back.
re-mind-ing ME...? to re-set real values back!
re-member what 'family'is. what? shood direct me ALL year.
(.more.) to capture what i was thinking. i needed to spend-time with people who live-different.
Read a book or 'Go' to them. www.galeeb.blogspot.com\people
the library had audio-books. eye got 'the Handmaid and the Carpenter' By Elizabeth Berg. it reely touched my situation as a man. what to live for. and how to die.
i wanted it to be my focus for the rest of my life! it pictured love and duty in a way i cood live it myself.
(.more.) also... eye got 'Mary of Nazareth' By Marek Halter. it was adventurous... it questioned violence.. it mis-used 'education' ...many in-sites.
the mary-gospel was clever eye sensed no evil till the part where they said Jesu died-not. but was druged.
- -
How can two Authors take the same MARY-story and have totaly differnt intentions...?
the first gave me a focus. how to treat-others i adore. the secound almost made me loose faith-in-christ... the only one that cood save my soul.
both were from: www.library.booksontape.com 1-800-733-3000 or Write:
Books On TApe. 400 Hahn Road Westminster,MD.21157
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(.next comment.)
of years end-
please notice this: Aztec.chinese..And gregorian calendars ALL.'End'on december 21.2012!
but of the kingdom of our Lord:A.d. there shall be....no end.
- -
A.fter.D.eath how ready are you?
do you remember-a-day you trusted christ as YOUR save-er? trusting him alone? not more.?
do you live and invest in things that matter. A.fter.D.eath?
think ahead. one-day a week when no-one keeps-you-busy! i meen 'no-one'
to-busy-to-think! (.most people are.) is very foolish.
if this-life is just an xfer-point..(.time.) than what matters.?? ...pleasure? ...work-aholics? ...peace with god.? choose wise-ly.
(.next comment.)
war always follows a-depressions. spending money.(paper) with no-value.
solution: start your-own 'bank.' backed by items food? each paper backed by real-goods.gold? not Air! (.Today.)
Boom! colapse.blood.violence. is that home? Banks plan it that way. 'deepens' new-world-orders. does 'Your' garden grow?
if you 'Hear-me-nothing.' at-leest pledge this year: to...
::::Local-ize Every-thing::::
LOCALIZE! (let that be your motto) Listen! you wont be sorry. nor anyone who copies you.
for those who think the universe explodes from a black-hole,then returns.
you may be-rite. but where did it come from?
you meen it always was it made itself? you worship the creation. not the creatOR.
time-space-matter. 'cant' evolve. drdino.com has offered $250,000 for 10 years to anyone with 'proof' of evolution...and... no one has answered!
that is...freeky... someone is fooling alot of people... and getting paid.
is evolution important? YES!
1.it teaches kids that there-is-no-right-and-wrong. ask your-self...if evol is true. if there is no god...how do you tell rite from wrong?
its a simple question. but now no one can answer. ...making us all animals.
2.It also teaches you can Kill millions of people cuz of 'inferior' races. Darwins book 'orgin of species' was very racial.
3.it was Adolf Hitlers relegion. Communists teach it to kids cuz it helps democracy become a dictatorship.
communism wood not work... without the theory of evolution.
4.it removes god! people have rites from government only. they are no longer 'endowed' with rites from their creator. no longer 'created'equal.
5.we now pledge alegance to the democ. not the republic for which truth stood.
big-problems.
(.next comment.) what if time switches off? and soon! A.D. 2012.
You were created to give HIM glory... thats your heiritage. like it or not.
and later will be to-late.
for once upon a time... there was a time... when there was no time..
and time shall be no more. the chance to escape debts. will end.
- -
do you know god 'hates' divorce? i found lots of stuff god 'hates'...and (.Listen.) you dont want to WEAR... any of it...
do you... want me..?..to wear somthing you hate?
what if eye NEVER took it off.? wood you still love me4me? ..or just what i Wear?
Hate is nothing till you yourself hold it.
suddenly you dont want to wear any-thing that causes one you love...to HATE...
and especially if it causes ONE who loves you...to Hate.
...so...dont divorce... dont 'drop' girls... dont 'win' boys... cuz you Will Wear-it! till time ends.
- -
win a friend...not a mate. love them. do-not hurt the soul. nor break the heart... nor dis-ease their body. nor touch them in a way that awakes...passions. .passions for sex...songs and foods and writings... that wood leed to harm.
but instead 'do-awake' passions for friendship... a friend loveth... at all times...
lust.greed.divorce. pride.'experiments'..and 'practice' with mating. will Harm you and the one you loved...(.scars.)
a 'friend' loveth at ALL times...and leeds to the 'Re-lationship' maydn has bin dreaming-about.
your heart and soul needs it!...
do-not say: 'friendship' is for loo-zers who cant get intimate. (.Popular-music.) why do they say that?
...NO! 'friendship' is itself 'beautiful' and costly. and everything god wanted man to be and live and love.
...marriage on the other-hand... is a love'im-learning'to keep... for marriage...
?? how2 'identify' and 'Avoid' such affections... if you dont know them:???
find:heart-keeepers.. (.masters.of.true-love.) persons who got hurt?
Thank-you maydn for helping me find-out these things... (.heart-hurting.) you keep 'topics' way-Alive!
eye hope its 'healing' for both you and me. passions that 'Awoke' the study. Namely..Your beauty, and words.
- -
(.more.) i want you to know i lived a wonder-FuLL life without T.V. Radio. Tapes. computers...2006+7 visions.
you need not wait for an Amish MAN to tell you how rich and 'helpful' it is. eye tell you Now.
eye dont trust 'Gypsies' but eye get the idea...
(.more.) i want more of 6+7 but 'YOU' made 2008 GREAT. an experience eye lacked. and you were there to provide it.....wow...weee!
eye got me 'my' education from a beautiful maiden... and eye will always hold it. 'hide' it. treasure it. in all eye do...thinking of you.
you won the boys heart... and i guess thats all that mattered.
do not let emotion.tradition. or even Reason. keep you from doing what gods word says.
all my heart all my soul... Your friend? ...deudam.
(.note.) everything here is coverd in Snow!... everything becomes... Purrtee! if we are patient enuff.. to remember.
(.note.) ONE-LOOK at somthing sexy can make you 'FaLL'... Protect your-mind with Bible-verses and promises.
the mind and emotions ARE very important to a Keeper.
The one you feed the most.. is the one... strongest the most...
so feed youR mind and emotions good things...
BEE-AWARE! working somewhere were the music is 'giding' you...
if it feeds your.. sex-drive...than.. ::::LEEVE THE AREA:::: your heart is of more worth than whatever you were getting paid.
protect YouR emo+heart. if others want to trash themselves with junk... thats their heart. not yours.
inner-beauty is very important to me...keep your thots nice inside you. for me.for god. for the temple you and god must live in.. together.... that is...i meen...your body. beautiful.
- -
(.more.) th-father heart-part got a chance to type\speak. ummm...sometimes? it seems so cuz this post had very little lion-shit onit.
im so sorry maydn. eye dont want to loose-you for somthhing eye said! forgive my notty-kitty letters. forgive my-heart-parts.
eye know you do!... that makes me smile.. relax...leeve heart-parts... wide open for you.
you wont hurt them. you dont laff at them.
you cover them... add touches to them... so eye feel... .loved...
.as eye-do-you! .your smiles say eye do. .your words...tho few. .yellow-bird sings alot!. .white-girl chirps just few.. she is more 'action' than words. she keeps HIM happy.
...and.. if ever eye wood cover maydns heart-parts eye..wood cover them with feathers and soft-sweet-chirps of:
::::Maydn?mm.Im.inLOVE.With.YOU.::::
(.fffff.)
eye.hold those chirps. .for you.
...so let it Snow!.
- -
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(.next comment.) (.Day.Two.)
dont want my advice.?? eye dont want it too!. eye want kinky-music and emo-pictures...but.
i do-nut belong to me. i belong to you.now.(jesu) the things you want 'ME' to be a heart-part of..
..BOOM! Lust.Looks. glamour.new-shows. sounds.temptations. i want it ALL!
but 'less is more.' cuz its 'you' eye give my heart to.
(.xfer paused.) lost in the mail? .(.thanks for trying to give me your heart threw the Mail..! it got to me wither i found the 'token-of-affection' or NOT!..).
thank-you maiden for sending me your heart.
- -
(.sob.) eye hold its life in my hands. and eye do so-so-do!-so. love it dear-ly.(.lip-kiss.)
as you see always! deepest-passions for it... i send your-heart down
to parts where steem-ee woo-rds come from: the heart eye have for you! where both will join.. .safely.and in-love.
(.forbidden love for you.)
(.xfer continued.) ...the noise of war.! who-what will 'win' my attention-span.
..BOOM! the loud-crys call me. eye lust for all their offers... and the cry gets louder. the more eye say 'NO'.
but better is the sorrow NOW. than bitterness of 'giving-in' when temptations have won. ...no! Have Peace with God! no matter what you think of yourself. ... the things 'He' wants Running threw you.
- -
(.more.) a friend is one you can 'pour' your heart out to. and she will keep the best and blow the rest (gently) away.
also note:those are sheaves? shuks?.shafts? of wheat.grain. you can peel back the sheeves and play with the balls...
(.yikes!.um..imeen kernels.. umm? oh 'nuts.')
!??
(.skippy it.)
um.o.k! so eye love fur-tile! (.the ability to pleasurize.) i cant help it! and eye got maydn. forget old-folks.shamefull-looks. just .sting.me.like you promised. let it go...youth soon passes. (.end of lion-complaints.)
eye have noted: you can study and be very-good at 'keeping' the mind (.where real battle is.) but your body has passions no matter who-you-are...seduce..misgide..lust. the results can be horrible.
god promises a new-body. old will change. suddenly! like wheat. out of the ground. what died and was buried. will be some thing... totaly-new...eternal.(no.die.) this too can be horrible..if your not-red-ee.
- -
My most valued deepest treasure is a simple Prayer! Jesu clean me. so you are free to gide me. to the very-things you-want me to PAY attention to...NOW.
and buzz-bee-a-part-of.
someone needs help with... rite-standing. (peace with god) and rite-stepping. (local-food) Today...so...let it be me.
The prayer i hold deer is: jesu! clean! and gide.
- - cuz you made me...for yourself. to be ready.
-no end-
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(.next comment.) (.Day Three.)
Snow lepords!... they mark their territory. to keep peace with other males...but the same marks attract females..(.boing!.) .... a hopeful note to all males: that if they stay with what-ever interest them.. and make room for themselves. in that field buisness.xfrs. ... the correct female will come. you see? she comes with the territory...! you do-NOT go 'Looking' for a Mate!... the rite one comes as you follow your own interests...
if your always 'looking' mate-hunting.? it will soon be clear you have no meenz. cuz your eyes are on Her. when she needs your eyes... on the meenz...not her.. ...
(.more.)
eye do get home-sick (.meening-unknown.) for Her...um?..eye dont know what that meenz so..eye try not to think about it.
(.to have.her.company.) (.her.voice.at.story-time. always is restful 'on-me') some times eye feel like calling-her... but its not time...so.. eye ignore hurt.. maybe read HER-works... to find re-leef.and a nice big heart-'.boing.' (.she is good at that.)
i want to say...'grief'.. but not-having her wood be much worse...a-part of me i wood miss and not be able to express.
your my helper maydn... any affections directed to local-girls wood have a hazardous effect. im not ready for that... .eye..just need your emotional heart-tugs...
eye doubt she knows what to do...she just bee's her-self and it make me so-happy.(.sigh.) (.smile.) (.flower.) (.kiss on cheek.)
i like her lots...(.boing.)
anyway....good-night girl. good-night girl of my dreems. my-dreems..eye-dreem cuz they make me...me...
and then you enter them.. (.boing.) and add touch. (.boing.boing.) and then dreems come true.
Romantic...um.. but thats o.k....eye like dreems that come with you!
part-of me dosnst like it. but eye watch the birds... and know whats true...eye wood just look silly..now. without you.
and eye do! (.boo-hoo.) eye do.
....(.burp.)
i think eye will just stik my foot in my beak and not worry about it...
maybe 'pek' at the pretty bird in the mirror till eye loose my chirp... (.burp.)
::singing my favorite 'tweets'::
things eye learned from spending-times with You.
filling the trees with... silly-songs that still say..
hip1108p.txt - - - - v12-23-08 collection of hipgnostic for print read12me.txt - - - - v12-23-08 capture of xanga.com\hip_gnostic girl messages to deuda_m and re-chat.blogspot 3-12 to 5-18 known: she posted on steem-8 1-?-08 then messages to deuda_m 3-12 as hip_gnostic then 5-18 as hypgnostic then phone calls 7-08 then by mail + calls 11?-08 this study focusus on the deleted blog 'hip_gnostic' to condense.print.post at streem-8 hypgnostic is still open to ??3sp deuda_m only this site shut-down: Name: hip_gnostic Member Since: 3/11/2008 she may have bin posting year-before on streem-8 self-destruct? as kjsisterxxxxxxlea since 2006 -end of history- files in focus: (from dos5) 2gnost8: 4-18.4-24.5-21 cmts2: 4-2. cmts7:3-11.3-12.4-3.4-2 g-nos:4-18to5-21.5-18 g-nos2:4-28.5-8.4-18.4-14 hg1:3-31,30,29,26! hip2:3-12 hip_g:3-26,25,24! hp408:4-18?.4-16.4-11.4-8.4-5 hyp1bb:8-13,9,6,3.7-28,22!,20,16!,15!,8,7,6.6-29,28!,26,23 s8-408c:4-2.!,18 song508p:may-copy of scripturesongs-cd-rw for print2help-mem. strm8:her first response to femn1208...my response was:maydn108 xcmts:3-12.4-2.3-27!,3-26! see also:win95/3-08 to 5-08 include best-of hypgnostic? 6-06\soso2.txt,7-22! see also:11-08/17/zip-fix (.more.) also by maydn: food-psv:food-preserving.vaporizer mayd-gmo: gov? seed-svr: seed-saver catalogs re-mayd:responses to maydn-grama108 rubr sex:jess blogc re-mayd -end- - - - - - 6-06\soso2.txt Thursday, June 19, 2008 sexy-man @ re-tribe says: "um,, you need to make a list of things you want your male to do to you... for a day... or..um...er.. for a night. stuff you want him to always do to you. even if he must act-it-out.. for a day..." uncommon to some women- i donut particularly enjoy talking about "relationships". you either do-it well or you don't. a relationship you have to constantly "work" at is not something you want to come home to and relax with. blablabla. {many thanks to cut-and-paste and Hallmark for simple sentiments made...ummm. simpler.} Inside, you will learn... How to approach any woman without fear ... and get her number! Killer pick up lines if you don't know what to say How to tell ... if your girl wants to be kissed The most powerful attraction and seduction techniques A step-by-step plan to get that woman you have feelings for! How to successfully get a date with a model or a hottie Where to take women on dates without having to pay a dime. Seduction secrets that will make women melt in your hands A guaranteed way to get a girlfriend in the next 7 days! The biggest mistakes YOU make when it comes to women and dating Some men are lucky enough to meet a sexy, free-spirited woman who throws all inhibitions to the wind and invites them to discover all the secrets of her sex... as she shows them everything and helps them reach incredible new heights of pure, unbelievably intense sexual pleasure... Most men would be fortunate to meet just one woman like this. These women shared their inner-most thoughts about their bodies and their minds... and revealed their most private sexual pleasures! Get ready to begin your journey into the minds of these uninhibited, soul-baring women... So, women are very humble, they are full of love and they want nothing more than to see their beloved happy and successful, women nurture spontaneously, they are responsible by instinct, they forget hardships by nature and the only thing that really matters is that they have done a good job. This is the Egyptian woman, very easy to please, very giving even if she had no one to take care of her or appreciate her; she still has the desire to give continuously and endlessly. So, I dont think men should be confused about how to please the women in their lives. They just have to learn to tune in, once a day, once a week or even once a month, this makes us recharge our batteries, dig up a new strength and move the world. So, be it a long stemmed red rose, a message or phone call during the day, or a hug at the end of the day, we really need it and really appreciate it because it means we really matter to someone out there. Women want it all or none of it. They want to be understood but not type-cast; they want to be happy but allowed to be sad; they want companionship but dont need someone to be happy; thoy want honesty but seldom the truth; they want equality while being placed on a pedestal and most of all they want respect. Respect for who they are, where theyve come from and where they are going. Dont pity them, coddle them or treat them with kid gloves. Todays woman is a woman of diversity and contradictions. What she wants today is not what she will want tomorrow because she is setting new goals. Why men cant figure women out is because they are a masterpiece in progress. A woman doesnt grow old; she just gets better. Wonder why you cant put lightning in a bottle? Because it just moves too quick. If we are to keep up there are a few keys to our survival. Number one, listen. Number two, listen. Number three, listen. See a pattern here? We men do a lot of hearing and not enough listening. Want to stay out of trouble? Listen. Want to be the man of the house? Listen. Want todhave a long loving relationship? Listen. My God, listen till the blood drips from your ears; listen till you want to scream out a solution; listen until she has nothing left to say and when shes done, shut up and listen some more. Women are the caregivers and if you want her to give, youd better do some caring. Number four, hug her. Hug her in the morning, hug her before you leave to work, e-mail her a hug and hug her ten times when you get home. A woman is a fire. Want to keep her burning? You have to fan the flames. You do that with hugs. Number five, dont lie. Dont white lie, dont sugar coat the truth, tell it like it is. A woman can forgive a lot of things but she wont put up with a snake in the grass liar. If you screw up, lost your Christmas bonus at the track, forgot to take out the trash, catches you staring at another woman, give it up, take your licks and move on. I repeat, a woman can forgive anything, but she will not allow herself to be disrespected. Lie to a woman you are dissing her. Tell the truth, you live to play another day. Six, structure. Every woman I talked to listed structure in their top three needs. A woman wants stability, balance, a sense of order. She wants someone she can rely on. You say youre going to be home at 6:00, you be home at 6:00. Running late? Call. The hardest thing for us guys is to differenciate between support and total control. Creating a foundation and stability doesnt mean trying to solve all the problems to the point you disempower the one you love. Your love is not a crutch but a bond. A bond where dependability is synonymous with trust. Seven, love them. Love them most of all. Let it all out. Let it all out every day, every minute of every second of every day. Be love, crawl up inside of it and approach every problem with the question what would love do now? If you do this, fear will never enter your life. What do women want? They just want to be happy like us. They just have a different way to show it. If you learn their language, listen when youd rather speak, hug instead of just walking away, tell the truth till it hurts, be a man she can depend on and love her like you love yourself. Youll no longer ask what women want, theyll be asking you what you want and give it to you. ?So PLEASE don't present polygamy as merely a man's excuse to get multiply laid! It was a God-send to many women too; who insist on a rich man (even a shared one) or no man at all. *instead look for deep partnership, want a best friend, a playmate, a partner in their mate. Rather than needing to be with a man, many women are just fine being single and being their own great company. But when in a relationship, women want companionship, and they want the man to want that companionship and seek it out. Women want men who will stay in the relationship when the going gets tough, and will apply all necessary resources and tools to try to help the relationship work. Women want fun, playful, creative, passionate men. Women want a man ho enjoys what life has to offer. They want a man who knows how to play, who is not afraid to make a fool of himself, who lives his passions. They want a man of creative, intellectual, playful substance. -NOW- I have gotten through all the generic cut and paste: the next task would be ... what does THIS woman want? a number of people that i have polled state that, "some day they want to get married". "Married" is the ultimate goal? ex: "so, i really love my boyfriend and he treats me well and we have alot of fun together. but... if i can't see us ever getting married then maybe i'm wasting my time." [insert scream of aggrivation] In my opinion: anybody looking to get married is insane. Yeup, you heard it... c-r-a-z-y! Oh ya, like i want to force myself (as much as possible) to live with one person for the rest of what 70 years. mayb it'll work out...but if it doesn't...oh well, we gave it a try. hopefully we Never fight and things will Always stay the same for us. yah!? The only people who should get married are those that have to! because they get knocked-up and they'll be culturally disowned if they don't OR Jesus himself descends from Heaven with angels and great, mystical music to announce that Mr and Mrs. So-And-So should enter into vows of holy matrimony. Otherwise, people should remain "friends" or "life-partners". Hopefully one can find both. Soooo. do I want to get married? sure. if I am blessed. otherwise i'd like to hang-out with someOne who enjoys my company, treats me like a queen, plays with me in the mud, and.... likes to wash dishes sometimes. What do i want My Man to do? whatever he likes/loves to do. be happy. see me/call me/hold me as often as possible. talk to me just to trade sexy-voice frequencies. kiss me All the time (especially before bed). be encouraging. play with my toes (howd you know?). ask me what 'm thinking. tell me what he's thinking. open doors. spank my bottom when i'm really really good. be sporty. clean up after himself. turn his own socks right-side-out. ...and sexy-stuff: that iam sensored from saying until i get further permission or the courage to send an anonymous letter. hopefully this pleezes you, cuz it took some effort. (from this-girl) now, my next task... Founding Fathers Begin: "I have a dream" , "Give me liberty or give me death" , "To be, or not to be." ,,, -- ox o x 2:43 PMMYSTERYyou want a mystery, don't you Mr. Sweets? if its a mystery you want. then a mystery you shall have! I have fuzzy ESPN so mysteries tend to get boring quick. by-george...i do believe you love mystery. you reference to that often so i suppose i ought give attention to what you reference to for this once. step one sleuth: be very observant, always keep a keen eye for detail and common and/or unusual appearances. step two sleuth: research research research and then resource the research. step three sleuth: always always always follow gut-instinct. step four sleuth: never be observed observing, unless of course you want to be. Notice eye-contact. step five sleuth: be a very very good climber and jumper step six sleuth: record, document, and then record your documents and document your recordings. step seven sleuth: learn to be right and wrong for fun. step eight sleuth: note that any mystery is worth solving. Now, that i put that together... you won't know when and you won't know where (thats how all good mysteries begin) but you're gonna get a mysterious chance to change your very own Life for the greater-good. (sounds like a redundant fortune cookie. right?) Who, What, When, Where, Why, How. and How-come? you see, i can orchestrate this and it cood be fantastic. however, i like to run things a little more naturally...have fun with it too. you know. see what happens. though i already know The End. only, (a be-ware sign) ,k ep your back to someone elses cuz if we feel alone for even one minute... RoarrUuummmmm!...belly of the beast. to never be scene again. 12:56 PM AND http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/interface2005.htm 1:25 AMTuesday, June 17, 2008 O"how will i ever tend the farm? when all i want to do is keep my arm around you. yes you!" X Here I am again. waiting for you. i guess i found some time. it was in my pocket. kind of convenient. i guess. i decided to lock this 'hypgnosis' up only for you and me. now i know you may not come evry day and tend to me as i wood love to see you do. and you mayB come bored and ret-urn less and less often. you cood even decide that im not the one and only girl in the whole wide universe made especially just for you. for some unearthly reason i have accepted this. iam, however, in a big hurry. i want it all Now. "they" say its a generational thing. i think everything in life has many levels; including simple sayings and standardized testing. Now, whenever we are able to lay down arms...(we've been hugging an awfull lot)... and mayb just bee-together...for fun; mayb this back'n'forth humping cood beecum fun again. for me. what about you? i wood do it every night if i cood. every day too if i am able to find a way. [insert drama for apology and make-up process purposes] i have serious jealousy issues. don't be surprised if i shut this bitch down again because I know you now have another site...where you "subscribe" to other females. yah, i know, not your problem. jealousy is a huge problem for me. especially when it cums to MINE.! this holds me back. it keeps me lonely. when its just me, then everything can be MINE and i donut even have to feel guilty about it. so there. Will You Be Mine. (trick question to liven up the place)? [insert] and im beginning to believe that you don't really want to hear any of this no-sense from me. that you'd rather stimulate my sensibility and "get her out of the bedroom". i want you to know that i do hear that stuff. i appreciate it too. its nice to leave the bedroom once in awhile, sure. but ive heard that that's when you know the honeymoon is over. so i say, "bring the bedroom outdoors!". Really, there is Much-More to...me ( than upside-down tricks and storm-riding? ...shsha right...like there cood be more than that! ) --you know this-- ummm...only...where do i put it? 4:04 PMSunday, June 15, 2008 oh honey, come quick! look at my body. what is happening to it? i have thousands of bite marks running up and down my arms and neck and back and... my breasts...and my nipples are being chewed on provocatively. ?? what do i do? i cannut get the feeling of you out of me today. really, please, this is not funny. ooww, i cannut take it no more! your hands all wrapped up in my hair and then on my waist with your finger tips pressing into me. biteing on my stomach is making my legs numb and i i'm feeling a little dizzy. yes, that's just right. right there, you feel sooo good with your breath hot on my bottom lip. uhhh if that tongue touches mine... oh i can only imagine what's going to happen. please my sweet, you've been making my skin burn from the inside since i had my first waking thought this morning. oh oh ah fuck. what am i gonna do? this is too much. i'm scared. am i gonna die? i've never felt like this before! -- xo 5:11 PMFriday, June 13, 2008 - - - - 2gnost8.txt shood say, do, type, be is also another 'miracle' thats what i use to make threw times when you say 'i cant be what you want' know that you will be, maybe not what i planned. but exactly what son-god planned. im soo happy about that. for you. and for me. cuz i fear that all the time honey. weep no more. - Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn... i forgot the hug: x - x - x (2 hours latee:) i like you the way you are. i stop to say that. cuz we all go to hard with 'growing' where we want. that i forget to say... i have what i want. you are just so... x - x - x ... (three hours later:) beautiful. - you always hit the rite words... - even if english is... a bit... silly. - your meenz heart is alot to me. you show that. you know that. - i say: list possibilities. cuz your rite. protection is more important.. than me. -\ i need you to do that. or i loose....everything: . . . . -YOU- - Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!! i love you . Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread April 18, 2008 1:47 PM Anonymous said... Problem: IF 1min=1year THEN 24sec=? The time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more. Again -- and always (i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.) Love You Love. you sexy beast April 24, 2008 6:56 AM Anonymous said... So I threw the bell and the towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in the right season. Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope he does that again soon. Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a while. -- May 21, 2008 6:53 AM Anonymous said... im still pre-paring for another 8-8-08 i see hip_gnosti closed her site. still you stand as the great-one. = and ye...my garden still grows.. cuz o th wrds U have typed. - -no end- - May 21, 2008 6:23 PM - - - - cmts2.txt xanga.com\deuda_m pass:??3sp goto 'messages': Sent 4/2/2008 8:27 PM deuda_m block delete Many nights I have tried to do whatever I could to get you off of my mind. Every damn morning I wake up thinking about you. YOU! do you hear that? This has been too real for me for way too long. My body confuses me into hurting because you are not here next to me...or me there. It really hurts. And there is nothing I can do about it...denial works temporarily...for a few years maybe...then bam! it hits me all over again...and I'm all giddied up about You again. And it keeps getting worse. Especially now that I know I love you for everything that you are and....you me. oh wow! oh God! when I think about that I want to passout. I know what you speak of when you say "knit". I would love to find out what that is about with you. Fascinating...aint it? I want you to be happy and if this makes you happy and feel safe then this is what I need to do. Understand, I am not so happy about virtual-love. I love connecting with you on this level. I guess I r ally Love being able to say whatever I really feel and get an opportunity to write something heart-felt, rather than settle for whatever jumble of words I can manage to get out of my swollen mouth. You do that to me. (you will find out later how much and why) You have the advantage of mystery however. I have been pretty wide open for some time now. I find it unfair. My advantage would be my ablity to put thought into action. I want to show you. I want to use my hands and make this idea about you physical into Life. It is a rather uncontrollable desire. I have confidence in mp hands. So... planning is great! And your techniques I think will compliment mine. But I'm not sure why I don't trust myself with you. This is so overwhelming. I am a quite simple person. Less talk, More action. I need to get some stuff typed out to you. Things just keeps cumming...everyday...every day. I have a difficult time keeping up. what between survival and thrival... I listened to someone speak the other day about that gut feeling that one can get about something...it makes you take a deep deep breath and adds tremendous motivation to seemingly ordinary things...well...then he went on to speak about instinct and capacities for love. How important it is to Love with all that we have. How we are supposed to recognize that feeling and say "oh God, GIVE ME THAT!" and everything else works itself out. I want to love you...whatever that means for us...with ALL that I can give, All that I have, All that this mysterious heart is made up of. You show me that you love me. By wooffing me and harvesting me local. I LOVE that! You know what? I want more from you though, I don't know why. I know you want to see-read something from me too that I may not be showing. A lifetime could probably not be long enough to get to KNOW eachother...ALL the parts of eachother. I think that is what makes having GOOD relationships fun and alive. Sow that is what I do...I go slowly and patiently and get to know you. You are a dream. Every time I take another look into you I sea something else that I wished for. I believe in customed-partnerships.- OK, now I have to put my clothes back on and go be late for work. You do me Good, very very Good. please know that. You please me in soooo many ways it is hard to speak about it. I want to put my hand in yours, look into your eyes, and show you how much. That is all I can say right now. I hope I do not confuse you with my native tongue...it is difficult to balance simplicity with spirit. Such is life. I love you...more...and again... -- oooooo o o o o OX - - - - cmts7.txt CMTS7 TXT 8,290 04-18-08 2:06p CMTS7.TXT her first original post and the latest 4-18-08 xanga.com um... i meen... reeeely! ? - Sent 3/12/2008 8:07 PM deuda_m block delete : i hope: www.galeeb.blogspot.com this Tribal data-bank will help you farm-Rite. with 4site. Sent 3/12/2008 8:06 PM deuda_m block delete Daize later...I finally made it. Better late than never, that's what I always say. Through floods and snow storms and piles of dishes, I finally mayd it....here. NOW...cum over here and help me with these buttons. The ones in the middle of my back are so Hard to reach. Hurry please, I've been waiting quite some time to take these stockings off and wrap my bare legs around your waist. Do you think these pumps go better with or without clothes? Posted 3/11/2008 10:45 PM hip_gnostic block delete Are you a leaf? You do not know where I live? Now how can I call you if you do not call me first? oh silly silly. Can farm people live in a smaller village than what your use to and still be considered 'possible'? Are you a patriot? Are you a patronizer? Do you like Pina Coladas? And getting caught in the rain? Are you a lover of interesting facts? And do you sometimes post them in certain places for the public to read? What color was my water gun? What color shirt were you wearing? ...oh wait maybe you're color blind... Are you color blind? Will you please just answer my questions? ...oh wait maybe you don't want to answer my questions... Is this 20 questions? Yes. Will you please just answer my questions? Am I asking you too many questions? OK (statement) Why don't you call me...friend?..on the telephone. i'm not going to give you my phone number and i don't want to call your friends and family first about this...you call my family and talk to all of them first...before you call me. boohoowho-why God...this crazy joke on my logician? I won't play! aaha...there's the answer! No Play! won't play! day1..2...3.... ouch. everything hurts. like i just got nailed (to a cross tumbling into hell...and then is returned through windows {in(to)} the atmosphere. ...windows...like...microsofter-harder. oh sorry!.... no play. i'm not a little girl...little girls grow up...if they are lucky! And happy to be so. I still do not like you! i love you though. I had a great dad growing up; and i learned that if men could be that cool and wonderful and kind...then maybe growing up to be a woman wouldn't be so bad and mayB i could be friends with boys too...cause i could beat em thumbs down on a thumb wrestle...and i learned to play cards until dawn with a deck of 51...now...uhhhm Now donut tell me theres nothin to do. damn! playing again. i actually TRY to play more often than I really should... you, you...helped me realize this. thx! NO Play! there's only one person that knows my identity... my true identity... and that's BatMan! So for scared-out-of-my-flickin... ummm...not flickin...cause i wouldn't want to offend my amish side I wantto 'open' a door for you also. Invite you into my home. A chance to know me...what my agricultural practices R. What my family has survived with and brought forth bountiful life with. What nature I commune with. I am a free range hen if you will. Chicken? Yes. Free range? YES! How can you catch the wind? In your windbags of course? Are you a clovers or moss type? And and maybe i wantto know about you. ALOT! but not like normal stuff...that too...only LOOK...an owl...its getting later than you think... i wantto be real with you...no/yes, I mean it! I wantto be REAL. i have very 'exclusive relationships' with people... men, women, animals (cause animals are people too.) plants ( yeup... people 2) yah...rocks...a very extended liniage in rocks. Sorry if i trip you out and make you listen to Straw-berry Shortie Cakes songs. You got issues though Deud. red headed issues brother. ha. that sounds funny as ... oh brother. yah, i like this. I'm not russian or anything. so as far as jumping into my religious stuf i would kindly request that you have understanding in the "L" and allow me to worship in whatever way i feel i am being called. that word keeps arising. hm. right now i have alot of work to do. i work work doing tasks that i know i belong at because i am there. i want my own farm. i want to be able to balance conventional society with sustainable lifestyles. It is important. It will make my children stronger. I have a chance at it. I see opportunity every where I look. My mind is not set. on location. I like to stay a while; 10 years to pay of a loan maybe. lots of opportunities. Lots the american dream! that also includes South America and Canada. So if i run out far enuf into the land and stick a flag in my ground and tame it MayB. Then can i be a farmer and an accountant? I heart math! So the math says go to bed, queeny. and i thumb my nose at the queen too. cuz she's not the boss! I am. So we can play until you really want to be real with me. I mean it.. just be real. you are who you are. or aren't you? "philosphy is a walk on the slippery rocks" --EBrickell ...i wantto go on in my head with "just stay off the computer and leave this 'scary obtusocity' be." but i won't type it unless i think you'd wantto know whats going on in my head. big-little girls are funny like that. yah really i wanto put a man inside this body of type and not an electrical...well...device. zzz one thing i've learned from living in the cities is to judge a man by his content. and getto know a person's face rather than their words. study their smile not their daily religious clothing. and if you want to have a friend be a friend. and if you can handle a person's worst you can mayB be friends for a while, mayB longer... yep, one thing I've learned. oh my back hurts from typing my lil heart out till the cows come home and getting rode so hard my skin is red and ...throwing cow bell (scene one) goodnight sweet prince, you are too kind to be a king and too good to be a knight. So good knight sweet prince. Till you rule my heart again. ...and i learn to play more. ci that was fun. 1212--by the rules...no play and sleep for atleast 5 hours. always breakin the damn rules. i think i'm too blasphemous for a mainstream religious community. i'm affiliated with all of them in one way or another. I get out there. I put myself out there to do spiritual work that the Great Spirit requests. I take a very wide range of requests. Everyday all day 24-7. Therefore I meet a very large range of people. In my line of 'work'. The Great Spirit created taxes too. and numbers and fake dollars that control fake ideas that supply fake food to fake communities that need to eat too. Cause they are very very real. oh wait,,,you almost got me again... no play. except for the kind I'm thinking of and well,,, I'm really...not...playing. --OX Posted 4/3/2008 12:33 AM hip_gnostic block delete and the white-stone still Hangs true. to you. - wither you start somthing new '8' or not. . Sent 4/2/2008 10:27 PM deuda_m block delete your just my heart-parts too. - i know. i knew. . Sent 4/2/2008 10:29 PM deuda_m block delete your aweful lots to me. - . Sent 4/2/2008 10:27 PM deuda_m block delete i just got all your messages and red them. i reeely want to give 'my' phone number -NOW-. to talk. just talk. pleez connect with area-mennonites. you burnt an '8' on your leg.??? to hear you went one time. to any 'church' local. baptist christian community anything...(.in that order.) wood make me feel more redy. i just need a clue your all-rite. i hope moving to your xanga is a good step. i almost didnt go to galeeb. i feel you want me closer. but i posted hip-g408 at both places just in case. i want to stay here now. no more streem-8. just you. - stop to read some www.chick.com chick tracks by jack t.? chick i heart his comic?publication very much. - you are precious to me. - do you.... do you know that? . . home is where the heart is. . . keep breething sis'. - Sent 4/2/2008 10:26 PM deuda_m block delete - - - - g-nos.txt comment about 'edible communities' and 'G.R.U.B.'programs, start a chapter in 'your-area' strm8 508: http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey.php http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey-01.php this looks like the best one: http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm cuz maydn... you-ARE 'the people' i will be keeeping for a long-long time. even if i can only carry 'YOU'... in my heart. - Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete telling you 'how' i think. wasnt i smart move. - but i open everything to you. i cant resist you no more. if your going to hurt me... you reeeeely will. - it dont matter.. i still dreeeem of you. plenty of your words help me do that. - http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_im ge_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&s=books Sent 4/18/2008 4:29 PM deuda_m block delete maydn... you said: i guess i don't understand. i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving. it hurts me to say that to you. i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs. i need to protect myself though... ... oh maydn!! my honey! that does hurt. i will rip open my core just once for you to let you know 'how' i hope and think: i wake up knowing that: somehow i wasted today or part of it. i feel like i offended myself.. like when you eat somthing you know make you feel gilty. i deel with it cuz... i offended myself! its a taste of what i must look like to son-god when i offend him. i use it to tell him to remove ALL offense to him to self and to others by his precious healing blood. he always is reddy to give me what i dont earn nor deserve: rite-standing again. ' his spirit is now freee to help me forgive and watch and do better. that is a miracle. also: knowing he will gide me to love what i shood say, do, type, be is also another 'miracle' thats what i use to make threw times when you say 'i cant be what you want' know that you will be, maybe not what i planned. but exactly what son-god planned. im soo happy about that. for you. and for me. cuz i fear that all the time honey. weep no more. - Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn... i forgot the hug: x - x - x (2 hours later:) i like you the way you are. i stop to say that. cuz we all go to hard with 'growing' where we want. that i forget to say... i have what i want. you are just so... x - x - x ... (three hours later:) beautiful. - you always hit the rite words... - even if english is... a bit... silly. - your meenz heart is alot to me. you show that. you know that. - i say: list possibilities. cuz your rite. protection is more important.. than me. -\ i need you to do that. or i loose....everything: . . . . -YOU- - Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!! i love you . Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread April 18, 2008 1:47 PM Anonymous said... Problem: IF 1min=1year THEN 24sec=? The time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more. Again -- and always (i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.) Love You Love. you sexy beast April 24, 2008 6:56 AM Anonymous said... So I threw the bell and the towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in the right season. Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope he does that again soon. Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a while. -- May 21, 2008 6:53 AM Post a Comment Links to this post: posted by @ Create a Link -to BE LOVE. that is really what we All are. LOVE i love you Love. here love is a verb and a pronoun. You, i will call you Love. I know you love that. 3:54 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailSaturday, March 29, 2008 ther wuz funr666 your o'love right the fuck up yur asz. fthe beesta. whar i wantd to sayz wux i got wax on my p[antsn its all your fault german-irish w/ french etiquette 11:14 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailEXAMPLEDO THIS...be a friend. what does that look like? why can not you see? I can't feel. You can't feel...your feet? I can't feel. You can't feel... your legs? I can't feel my loins. Yu can't feel you loins? For, Christ's sake...feel your loins. Should I,... like,.. feel my loins? No! Just feel your loins! There is no 'like' about it. MayB a little..., like. Don't just feel my loins? Like it? sure. Now I CAN DO that! ok. ok. Put your hands on your thighs; between the knee cap and the hip bone...that muscle. ( oh God, i love that muscle.)Move your hands around in a circle in the center of that. You cando that. now fix your loins.Can you see now?can you feel? Are you redy to play friends? grab that! I want to play friends. Does that hurt your loins? That scares me! Mayb i canfix it. Does it kneed a kiss? 9:51 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailWednesday, March 26, 2008 Here Kitty Kitty...Nice Kitty Got Ya! This is called a Green-Grasshopper Hold. Well Well Well... Looks like I'll be the one playing with You this time. Oh...not afraid yet? Just you wait, I've got friends and lots of them. And they're gonna help me do what ever I want with you. Oh dear (I mean cat) this could be fun. If you don't chicken out. haha In the meanwhile, since I've got you here, and you can't really touch me... EAT ME PUSSY! 4:15 PM2 eprops4 commentsemail browse entries:older ¯ View all weblog entries - - - - hip2.txt - IT is Huge. Enormous. Guy-normous, Stupendous. Need I say more? You know what IM talking about. If you don't, please ask. I can add more... finess if need be. Call me! Ms. Bias but I adore your Sight. What we have here is genious and IM all aboot "gen-ious". You R in trouble tho. You know that...right? YouR not going to like what I have to say or what IM going to do too...YouR gonna LOVE it. Thats All there is to it. SO if we get bored or insecure, change it. Strip... off the layers until we like it again and then we love it. We Make love. Easy... Call me whatever You want just don't call me late for breakfast. I Heart Breakfast. NOW You know. U tell me... I May either fuck You fantastic or Make Love to You until you die. YouR CHOICE. Reminiscent of pumps-clothed or pumps-nude. ?? Posted 3/12/2008 10:52 PM xanga.com\hip_gnostic block delete - - - - hip_g.txt xanga.com\hip_gnostic Wednesday, March 26, 2008 Here Kitty Kitty...Nice Kitty Got Ya! This is called a Green-Grasshopper Hold. Well Well Well... Looks like I'll be the one playing with You this time. Oh...not afraid yet? Just you wait, I've got friends and lots of them. And they're gonna help me do what ever I want with you. Oh dear (I mean cat) this could be fun. If you don't chicken out. haha In the meanwhile, since I've got you here, and you can't really touch me... EAT ME PUSSY! 4:15 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailTuesday, March 25, 2008 'You make me feel ten thousand feelings all at once...and so I remain silent.' I'm going to type what I have written into this damn machine only because I said I would. I have gotten damn frustrated with this 'game' and am ready to qwit myself. May-be I might make you catch me instead. Would not that be interesting? You've toyed with me like a cat does with an injured grasshopper. The cat knows he has the grasshopper and that he could swallow her up whole or crunch her slowly between his teeth, feeling the little legs wriggle on his lips. What does he do instead? He bats her around a bit, lets the little grasshopper jump around in circles a while, pretends he's not looking, or just keeps nipping at her wings until she's just a twitching torso. Then he (the cat) just leaves her there to die in her own green grasshopper juices. Maybe he will eat her later, Maybe he will not. A frightening waste of time for the grasshopper. Priceless entertainment for the cat. Personally, I'd rather be chewed up than neglected with my guts hanging out. Then again I have been accused of needing too much attention. Then again I don't believe that there is a cat out there who can resist a bouncy grasshopper that is too stupid to keep away from a cat's attention. 5:46 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailMonday, March 24, 2008 2 SIM-PLEAn "intentional community": is that not where we live? I am having a hard time meshing these private communities with fundamental realities. Harsh reality is something I thrive in. I guess it is all I know. I do however thrive on learning experiences and I can see that all over the place in these intentional communities and 'nut'farms (I was raised by conservatives who would think that was funny) Maybe you could too. Why would someone want me on a farm? Why would someone not call me and say, "hey let's go somewhere together."? What is the big secret? I am beginning to fear falseness. What is the complication? The difficulty? I am the type of girl that meets prospective suitors in the library... or the grocery store...not online in some scary obtuse fashion. I prefer...let's go see a movie, or...let's go fuck in the corn field. KNOWLEDGE?"-- U2 You too have come here to hold a smooth firm body in your distant hands, as much as is possible. As those hands knead through the muscle and the skin to find the bone and then room for yours. To fit something so rigid, deep into a tight and abstract body capable of creation may be beyond your comprehension of living and dieing. This is why I have come here this morning to warn you of the power that a needful body contains. To look into the reflecting glass and call it complete would be to say that your eyes have seen all the life in the sea. In this lifetime the pressure of a man's erection breaking through the vulvas flexion in waves, could never be compared to words. I would in fact purpose that demonstration is the only word that may do it justice. Demonstration, however, has such a negative connotation to use as a word. Justice, might be one answer to ripping the cloaks where there is nothing left but naked truths and realities. Realities of heat and sensation; of cold and insensitivity, blushing new again with sounds that formed words before words had reason. Here you find me, every morning under my soft linens with nothing more than my pale skin and swollen lips. You warm my breasts with the breath of your words, though my conscience feels the chill. So these nipples take to the linens as this body raises to feel your palms. The contact of the centered palm, the life of a man, in the palm placed at the navel and pressed firmly and patiently to the beginning. Thighs spreading thighs in movement to a beat that makes itself. Deep and fulfilling, until something inescapable begins to happen. This existence where cries of pleasure and tears of joy have no place, only value. Please just pull my tongue into your mouth and tell me that you love me. That the life and passion in this explosion of a woman is not blown to the moon and stars. Let this morning wake you and bring you gently inside of me. Take these tears and bottle them for sunrise. They will bring you purity and light. They will show you what is necessary, what is need, and move the tides until you come. --XO 6:29 AMadd epropsadd commentsemail- - - - hp408.txt HP408 TXT 7,570 04-18-08 12:20p HP408.TXT my xanga.com\deuda_m comment replys to her 'messages' 4-18-08 i capture all you type and reed it at home.. but i can see (at a glance) im missing you to much. - these days we pass each other just enuff to make hearts bleed. - is that tech-no world? no wonder galeeb urges a RET-TURN. - this is pain-FULL. its not the world they said it wood be. - i urge all to break with it. but since im here touching a girl i love... and she's... the 'only' one that has me in 'cyber-space' (or any space). i need to pause... - (choke)...god! you reely do-do all this xanga.com\hip_gnostic for me? im just a stupid male. - (shaky) yyou rreely doo ccare. - i hope i can direct that-kind of power... (for best effects) to people\places..in time.(WOW) you make things so beautiful... for me. - its freightning what one maydn can do. - (im still typing without thinking) - you are a dream... i wish english had a better word. 'beautiful' dosnt draw what you are to me. infact, it sorta-of 'scribbles' up the picture. how about... 'magical' ? 'girl-of-my-dreems' ? how about... 'im not flirting' i wish i wood. you kinda-of deserve it. - but i dont. i report. and then gush. - sometimes i even report on a male-gush. and why he did-so that-way. - im hopeless... i try to fit all you do into a... 'progress report' with no pause to tell you... you are so much...more... than that...(sob) god! and you hate cry-babys so... thats good. you dont need to know why males-cry anyway. this male see's into the heart. someone tawt me to do that. else i wood demand pictures. and somthing to lust at... (hey thanks for that appolos-venus picture post) i wood want only your body. ...one of those...'hump-and-dump' relation-ships... but you will need to teach-me that cuz... what i see in you is sooo much gooderr. my relation-ships are built for heart-wars. the whole fleet gets bombed every day, it goes on all nite... it will go on all day! the war for peoples MINDS! attention-spans,media,edu,trash-canning musick! meanwhile... my little-scanners go crazy over-you. deleting all the distractions and 'noise' and using you to do somthing beutiful. INSTEAD. i think girls like heart-felt things more than boys... i just wish i wood woory about looks... and not the beutiful person you are 'inside' just...for.... practice sake? i meen...how am i going to fuck my sister? (gross) this takes alot of 'focus' - im way off balance. keep holding my hand like you do. i go over your papers alot. - and... let me qwit for now... im not being aloud to say-type somthing heart-felt... nor go over-it. - sometimes you need to see me do that. cuz... males are funny to hear... when they dont think... . . . do they think? - OptionsDisable Get Free Shots upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f... hip_gnostic's Xanga Site Weblog Photos Videos Albums Pulse Profile Chatboard visiting: hip_gnostic Subscribe to hip_gnostic Add to friends Send a message subscribe Click to see options ratings Click to see options flag Home (private) Subscriptions Messages Feedback Log Your Site (public preview) deuda_m New Weblog Entry Add Photos Add Videos Add Pulse blog now Credits let you buy fun stuff on Xanga (like Minis). See How to Get Credits Get Xanga Premium! Buy Credits Directly credits: 1,020 sign out hip_gnostic weblog photos videos albums audio pulse profile chatboard subscribe Weblog Wednesday, April 16, 2008 hope. you R ok. i want to tear into you right now. tell you a thing or two... about circles and being direct or genuine or real; im too tired or sad or worried or confused to say-(type)-care ...anything. --(a)(e)iou ps. if i ever get my breath back you had better look out 9:24 PM2 eprops1 commentemail Friday, April 11, 2008 IOU - Letter 1.) Introduce 2.) Things I like to do 3.) What I am good at 4.) What I don't enjoy 5.) Goals for this year ["Apollo reached the tree and, still enamoured with Daphne, he mourned, as Ovid wrote in the Metamorphoses:"] "Fairest of maidens, you are lost to me. But at least you shall be my tree. With your leaves my victors shall wreathe their brows. You shall have your part in all my triumphs. Apollo and his laurel shall be joined together wherever songs are sung and stories told." Ovid loves Sappho http://www.nga.gov/education/classroom/origin_myths/art_apollo.shtm Apollo and Daphne is a baroque, life-sized marble sculpture by Italian Gian Lorenzo Bernini, housed in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. It was inspired by one of the stories included in Ovid's Metamorphoses. 9:30 PMadd epropsadd commentsemail The Meanest, Most Average, Invisible Man I Have Never Met (u sure know how to ignore a girl) this is so fucking backwards sdrawkcab gnikcuf os si siht OR plain: gnikcuf os Do you wantto know what i think about you? You know, those little dark thoughts included. I like when you tell me what you really think about me. I feel more rounded. They say that something is wrong with a person that doesn't have atleast one enemy. I like it when you imply me as a whore and other derogatory terms for women; it gives me reason to do bad things to you. Besides, just cuz you think it doesn't meen that it is true. 10:50 AMadd epropsadd commentsemail Tuesday, April 08, 2008 he Loves me. he Loves me not.-3 9:47 PMadd epropsadd commentsemail Saturday, April 05, 2008 The Tao of Pooh;"when my hands are not strong-enuff to...carry her to bed.(...) - (.more.) strong tribes. a church. a group. a community club. somthing to keep them together. - strong families make strong homes. - a strong home needs gods words. and ::commitment:: to bring maydn and th-boys home. - no more playing-around. we got to eat and live and work together wither we like each-other or not. - wither we got feelings or not. - (.more.) danger: sex 'is' marriage... - commitment?: stay with this person even if we dont like. we are to live together. wither love comes or goes. sound good? sounds possible. cuz then loosy-goosy can go boing-boing back to her 'problems' and thats why i love her. she reminds me how hopeless helpless and impossible all is. i love her for that. - so... deuda_m stays with males in the woods.? a simple monistic life. with rewards. th-boys dream: no girls allowed! but how did those males get together?, a brotherly order starts. with a woman. so... now im back to snow-black and 3+4 dwarves. ...im going in circles... no point.(hehe) - but somewhere in this mess of men,maidens and straw-houses is peace, and 'that' little maydn, sitting over-there content with 'her-problems': she sits there thinking:" to speak my mind eor to not speak my mind. to think before i speak eor to not think before i speak. when does a question become an answer. when does saying your peace become rubbing peoples emotions. 'if' death do u-s part. and other good stuff along those lines. What i can do is look at you and hope that you see my eyes looking up, my chest rise, and all the color return to my face again; as you recite things that only i would expect myself to dream up. (that is the best literal term i could come up with...for Now) I donut know how these words have such a wonderful hold on me. These ideas that my untamed heart have dreamed of and believed into existence. (kinda what it feels like) The Unedited Alchemists Mind of Love -- i wonder if we could do that? it might be hard...i think i could do it.? i think i might like to do it? (not sex 'it', love 'it') and then...with you I mean...MayB...if we were able and didn't have canes. .. Canes are sexy too. It a natural thing baby, lighten up. The Bible aint got nuthn on me. (i'm going to play hockey in hell for that one) i started out at 'the tao of pooh' as i quite certainly was thinking of a sexual construction of taoism. truly canut control myself. my body talks, i listen. do i jump at every reaction, no. i do not have that disease. but if i did...could you still love me? i know folks that live in seperate houses yet still speak true to eachother. (wood that make sense?) i believe in a matching of the spirit, mind, and body. if we live that, if we do our very best. the 'other'ness works. itself out. agh. what i mean is...care-fullness, and care-ing...---REThe best thing to keep REAL-Good relationships going...good ones and bad ones. "they" did a study on 50+ year realtionships. each copule of people (cuz they did not include plutonic or familial relations) reported "KINDNESS"/ "GENTLENESS" the number one contributing factor to lasting connection. "so if you are nice to me, i might stick around for a while, mayB longer if I do." -- 11:08 PMadd epropsadd commentsemail browse entries:older ¯ View all weblog entries Top Tags - Weblog [no tags] hip_gnostic Name: hip_gnostic Member Since: 3/11/2008 View full profile Connect Subscribe to hip_gnostic Get trial subscription Add to friends Send a message Post to chatboard Weblog Archives April 2008 ® today ¯ Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 View all weblog archives About Me [no info] View full profile Subscriptions [no subscriptions] Subscribe to hip_gnostic Get trial subscription Friends (3) Add to friends View all friends Blogrings [no blogrings] Pulse boom BOOM boom BOOM One in One out One up One down Bump BUMP Bump THUMP Irregular. Slowly pulsating lives live perpetually long 3/11/2008 10:30 PM add comments View all pulses remove adsPhotostrip [no photos] Chatboard (0) [no comments] Post to chatboard "Dare To Dream" (c) ntbdreamer credits Rabies Star Brushset by ~Rabieshund http://rabieshund.deviantart.com/ Astral Flora by *luciferous-glow http://luciferous-glow.deviantart.com/ Clouds Mist Photoshop Brushes by *redheadstock http://redheadstock.deviantart.com/ started by ntbdreamer view all themes! about this theme terms privacy help safety parents law enforcement report inappropriate content Home (private) Subscriptions Messages Feedback Log Your Site (public preview) deuda_m sign out close - - - - hp408b.txt HP408B TXT 10,584 04-18-08 12:58p HP408B.TXT my xanga.com\deuda_m comment replys to her 'messages' 4-18-08 i capture all you type and reed it at home.. but i can see (at a glance) im missing you to much. - these days we pass each other just enuff to make hearts bleed. - is that tech-no world? no wonder galeeb urges a RET-TURN. - this is pain-FULL. its not the world they said it wood be. - i urge all to break with it. but since im here touching a girl i love... and she's... the 'only' one that has me in 'cyber-space' (or any space). i need to pause... - (choke)...god! you reely do-do all this xanga.com\hip_gnostic for me? im just a stupid male. - (shaky) yyou rreely doo ccare. - i hope i can direct that-kind of power... (for best effects) to people\places..in time.(WOW) you make things so beautiful... for me. - its freightning what one maydn can do. - (im still typing without thinking) - you are a dream... i wish english had a better word. 'beautiful' dosnt draw what you are to me. infact, it sorta-of 'scribbles' up the picture. how about... 'magical' ? 'girl-of-my-dreems' ? how about... 'im not flirting' i wish i wood. you kinda-of deserve it. - but i dont. i report. and then gush. - sometimes i even report on a male-gush. and why he did-so that-way. - im hopeless... i try to fit all you do into a... 'progress report' with no pause to tell you... you are so much...more... than that...(sob) god! and you hate cry-babys so... thats good. you dont need to know why males-cry anyway. this male see's into the heart. someone tawt me to do that. else i wood demand pictures. and somthing to lust at... (hey thanks for that appolos-venus picture post) i wood want only your body. ...one of those...'hump-and-dump' relation-ships... but you will need to teach-me that cuz... what i see in you is sooo much gooderr. my relation-ships are built for heart-wars. the whole fleet gets bombed every day, it goes on all nite... it will go on all day! the war for peoples MINDS! attention-spans,media,edu,trash-canning musick! meanwhile... my little-scanners go crazy over-you. deleting all the distractions and 'noise' and using you to do somthing beutiful. INSTEAD. i think girls like heart-felt things more than boys... i just wish i wood woory about looks... and not the beutiful person you are 'inside' just...for.... practice sake? i meen...how am i going to fuck my sister? (gross) this takes alot of 'focus' - im way off balance. keep holding my hand like you do. i go over your papers alot. - and... let me qwit for now... im not being aloud to say-type somthing heart-felt... nor go over-it. - sometimes you need to see me do that. cuz... males are funny to hear... when they dont think... . . . do they think? - OptionsDisable Get Free Shots upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f... hip_gnostic's Xanga Site Weblog Photos Videos Albums Pulse Profile Chatboard visiting: hip_gnostic Subscribe to hip_gnostic Add to friends Send a message subscribe Click to see options ratings Click to see options flag Home (private) Subscriptions Messages Feedback Log Your Site (public preview) deuda_m New Weblog Entry Add Photos Add Videos Add Pulse blog now Credits let you buy fun stuff on Xanga (like Minis). See How to Get Credits Get Xanga Premium! Buy Credits Directly credits: 1,020 sign out hip_gnostic weblog photos videos albums audio pulse profile chatboard subscribe Weblog Wednesday, April 16, 2008 hope. you R ok.i want to tear into you right now. tell you a thing or two... about circles and being direct or genuine or real; im too tired or sad or worried or confused to say-(type)-care ...anything. --(a)(e)iou ps. if i ever get my breath back you had better look out 9:24 PM2 eprops1 commentemailFriday, April 11, 2008 IOU - Letter 1.) Introduce 2.) Things I like to do 3.) What I am good at 4.) What I don't enjoy 5.) Goals for this year ["Apollo reached the tree and, still enamoured with Daphne, he mourned, as Ovid wrote in the Metamorphoses:"] "Fairest of maidens, you are lost to me. But at least you shall be my tree. With your leaves my victors shall wreathe their brows. You shall have your part in all my triumphs. Apollo and his laurel shall be joined together wherever songs are sung and stories told." Ovid loves Sappho http://www.nga.gov/education/classroom/origin_myths/art_apollo.shtm Apollo and Daphne is a baroque, life-sized marble sculpture by Italian Gian Lorenzo Bernini, housed in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. It was inspired by one of the stories included in Ovid's Metamorphoses. 9:30 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailThe Meanest, Most Average, Invisible Man I Have Never Met(u sure know how to ignore a girl) this is so fucking backwards sdrawkcab gnikcuf os si siht OR plain: gnikcuf os Do you wantto know what i think about you? You know, those little dark thoughts included. I like when you tell me what you really think about me. I feel more rounded. They say that something is wrong with a person that doesn't have atleast one enemy. I like it when you imply me as a whore and other derogatory terms for women; it gives me reason to do bad things to you. Besides, just cuz you think it doesn't meen that it is true. 10:50 AMadd epropsadd commentsemailTuesday, April 0nclu-s tr sth athat I - - - - hyp1bb.txt NOW clear under the desk. 9:49 PM1 viewWednesday, August 13, 2008 just 4 licksHow do you do it? say to me... this is no online-game deerheart. iam the person you think iam. if the Good-Lord has blessed us so...then to be mayd for another will...B. i love you. why? you water me for growth. you do right. you fill the parts where idon'ut. you R a gentle-man with my love. 1:58 PM4 viewsSaturday, August 09, 2008 OXXO 12:32 AM1 viewWednesday, August 06, 2008 A-Round Stone Block TablePossum Pot Pie main dish, game 1 cup glazed huckleberries 3 shots gin or moonshine 1 possum 1 pie crust with top 1 sliced carrots & cabbage 1 to taste If roadkill---make jambalaya. If caught---proceed with recipe Cover a pan (or any implement you can put in a fire) with the bottom of your pie crust and place the possum in it. Add the huckleberries and carrots, and shred the cabbage over it. Close up the pie and bake until the neighbors' dogs come sniffing around to see what the wonderful smell is, or until the fire department arrives (whichever comes first). Remove from fire/oven, slice and enjoy. Anthony Trummert And for dessert, Christmas Nut Cake and Warm Gopher Milk 11:51 PM1 viewSunday, August 03, 2008 after nooni thought how nice it might be to talk to you and read by daylight. is it proper for women to call men? societal rules/norms have always been elusive for me. 11:01 PM1 viewMonday, July 28, 2008 nonmanipulated, genuine, honest; (organic)oh love words could never give enough meaning to the things i need to express to you. 4:56 PM1 viewTuesday, July 22, 2008 One Love Or Two?what real humanity is there if we are nice and sweet all the day long; when really we stand in line for food and want to kill! This story goes on in some fancy fashion about a love that was thought to be true based souly and upon the fact that something greater than the metaphysical body exists. In this existence only a voice of pure clarity and reason is present. There is no choice but to obey. nne wouldn't decide any other way because the promises are too great a proposition. The promises are everything you've ever wanted. Whatever it is that your soul has longed for and ached for and starved and would die for. This story is how life lives to each next day and through every night of resolution. Do these things, these feelings really exist? or are they created by a selfish naive trying to form the future of the universes because he can not see any further. Is death really a creation of seven mad men tearing their flesh by their teeth while dancing in delirious celebration? Is life really at the mourning of these bodies? She turns her head from these visions and tries to dream another direction in hopes of opening her eyes to a less demented dimension. Here she begins to believe in a friendly vision written in third person and souly for entertainment. There is knowing, however, that each word is made magic and each sentence its' spell. The boy should never know about her secret places. She will show him anyways to see what he thinks and how he feels. Laughing with a horrible emotion inside, she senses he wants petticoats and perfume and stockings that smell of a womans' musk. Three women to be precise. Mayb he wants lovely locks to pull his fingers through and soft selky skins to masterbate with his tongues. Mayb he wants to take advantage of him and tie him to a tree all the time placing females to kneel at his fleshy parts and draw out his seed to propagate yet another man in deservant fashion. I admire his adversity. Yet the girl despises his unrealistic expectations of the woman she is about to become. I curse it and all religious rights that suppress any emotion, desire, dream, idea. It is what it is. Things that grow in the dark do not thrive when light shown on them. So in this cursed indescretionary mission i will see to it that we look directly into the face of fear and call it exactly what it is. And in that dissolution the guts will spill out and what is left we shall find. This will surly be very very messy. May there be respect or reverence? She doesn't know. That is not her mission as of yet. Here they lay forever together upon blood soaked linens and a pair of white lace panties. Whomever said women were weak had never been torn open from the insides and then praised for their devotion. She knows pain by the day and is told to deny that she does. She does do it with pleasure as ever they are one in the same. We should not speak on this for it is mystery and must remain so. Then here in the dirt her gentle parts lose their respect because why I do not know. Does love happen only in a satin gown? How could she stay naked and honest to her treaded boots when she is bent over backwards a boulder and her heels to the sky? She cries out that she loves the earth and the stars and her man made god. Her laces around his neck, she refuses to let go even though he is through with her filthy ass. No love, for respect is not love and sex is not love; or is it? He sets her feet back on the ground and lets her cling to him as long as she does not feel around him too much. She knows the pain and feels the pleasure. "Enough of this bloody conformity!" his queen orders out from the written pages of time. If I cut you, you might bleed through my paperwork. If you cut you, you could feel your own skin and how precious it may be. The Queen of Nonexistence could see how these things work in life and death, though she never had the need to try them herself. She could simply see the darkness with the same eyes that she was able to see the light. She was not a slave to her skin. Though you should know, these servants have a purpose as well in this lovely fucking story. The ladies removed their armor and found their voices to be quite gentle and appealing. He seemed nervous that these particular three had never worn stockings beneath the metal sheathing. One wouldn't even lay down her sword before she crawled onto his lap and straddled him as she had her stead. She never even spoke the whole day before she rung the sweat from her hair and massaged the oils and ejaculate between her thighs and down her legs, up past her navel and along her shoulders between her breasts and around. The second of the lady had a sort of metallic smell to her skin. Too much iron he concluded and the girl agreed with a giggle. She begged him to kiss her and lick the iron sweat from her parts. He felt his stomach and his salivating glands choking his throat. The woman with the steel sword seemed to motion him a choice. He chose to taste the girl and all her parts and felt the vibrations in her body as she sang him a lore. He refused to eat for days later and he only wanted water poured across his lips, cold and slow. The lady in the next days was shiny and every part of her was firm and smooth to the touch. She laid down her weapons and poured salt and oil on the back of her neck and it ran to her feet. The other women, including the queen, used their finger tips to slide the granules into her pores and parts. Each area was then scraped clean. She tempted his neck first and his ear lobe. Then she bit his chin and sucked the taste from his beard. Then she bit his lip and then the other and moved inside his mouth. She moved to the other side. She sucked his fingers and licked his swollen head. She bit his inner thighs and the back of his calves. She scratched his back in long pressured motions. She felt each hair as it stood up with energy. Each pulse beneath his skin had hastened her heart. Each muscle contraction made her body tense and relax. He began to feel a fire in his body so deep that it began to catch his soul. He became frightened and tried to move as if to run. They told him he was free to run or come or stay or go as the confusion in him grew. He felt around frantically for his armor. All that was there was her codpiece and she gave it to him with pleasure. She placed it directly where he wanted it and waited until he felt secure. As her hands moved to grasp his maximus muscles he fell into a trance as she needed and rubbed and released his body to his soul. The piece fell to the floor as he reached for his own sword. But it was no use. He had only enough tenuous strength left to say, "hey queeny Mayb, you and i should go somewhere where we can be alone. I've been thinking of some things you and i could be doing together and this fantasy ain't gonna be able to do it all." Then she remembered how selfish he had been. How difficult it was for him to stay or to hear him say the love words. She thought mayb if she were to tie his hands back around the tree and place her panties in his mouth, then she could do what she had in mind instead of listening to him go on about what he expected. 3:34 PM1 viewSunday, July 20, 2008 What To Say Or Not To Say?is this a trick or a test? r we trying to deduce what it isn't before we decide what it is? what is there to say? do we enjoy talking to eachother? do we make eachother laugh? and often? is there trust? is the silence comfortable? and have we been destined to be together? and why are we distanced? r the differences too great? what is this mysterious connection? and how do we come together? 11:28 AM1 viewWednesday, July 16, 2008 Ivyi am an honest and faithful and diligent woman. i practice good deeds and good thoughts and positive energy. i use my head and follow my heart and make treasure of my soul. i give more and expect less. i am kind and caring. i cherish my family. i seek value instead of riches. i speak with integrity and find virtue in others. i use moderation and creativity. i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty, and i have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstance. i keep patience and understanding as a mantra. i seek peace without war and unity without conformity. i am flexible and easy to please. i am so easily entertained. i read the bible as well as a number of other philosophical chronologies. i give to the church. i tend to the earth. children and animals and plants love me. i find inspiration in the room, the stars, and the trees. i want to love and have a vibrant life. i need health and good spirits to thrive. i don't play head games or seek pleasure in emotional manipulation. i don't have meaningless sex or shallow relationships. i don't like drama or deceit. i don't want monotony or to dwell on the past. i refuse abuse in any way. i don't believe in the devil. i am selfishly shy. i think way to much and often about myself. i desire less work and more rewards. i need unreasonable amounts of attention. i drink too much beer. i have a quick and firey temper. i have found heated jealousy within. i get hives and itching when i am stressed. sometimes i get red swollen chapped lips and the sides of my mouth crack. i have a tare in my labia from a hard childbirth. i had a beautiful child, out of wedlock. sometimes my feet blister and crack from hiking in high heels, abuse, and neglect. i have fibromyalgia and high anxiety accompanied by fatigue and depression. i am seeking pain management. i get horrible garlic and onion breath (because i love them deeply). i also have a very acidic body chemistry. my stomach gets tumultuous from dehydration and poor nutrition. i starve for love and affection. 2:15 PM4 viewsTuesday, July 15, 2008 Believe in your one true soul; never to be duplicated...again. I wait for a sign. Something that says... 'you will be here in the morning to hug me and bring me home...for good' At the shore of a river of sticks, there is flooding and confusion and pain. I wait for a sign. There is fire at my back and it seems the only answer may be to go into the reptilian waters...again. I wait for a sign. Stop, drop, and roll as opposed to running around telling everybody that the world is on fire. You will come for me soon. In so many ways. I wait for a sign. Could've tried harder...to be myself. Should've called earlier and talked more soberly. Would've been more mature and walked into your life at an earlier time. Wanted to be there for you. In so many ways. Wished that I had the nerve to show up... again. -- In certain terms: may we be the best of friends and family, may we be forever allies, may we find solace in comfort and serenity, may we find shelter in joy and laughter, may we grow with strength and prosperity and make wishes with wisdom, may we learn from weakness and find protection from fear, may we seek goodness and love for All eternity -- a great friend gave this to me, and I want you to have it: "a friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of ones heart, chaff and grain together; knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- c. Dampier 1991 --i miss you desperately. please think of me soon. 4:00 PM2 viewsTuesday, July 08, 2008 DeudameI was so glad to hear from him. I hardly believe it was you. But you called for me! I am in Heaven! I didn't know what to say. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to say anything. I didn't know what not to say. I wanted to say everything all at once. I was hoping to just say anything. (very awkward feeling) In shock I was. You know that moment righht before you're putting the jar in to seal? Is everything gonna turn out all right, spice and all? or could it explode right in your face? oh the pressure! i love it. "Though we be lands apart, our hearts be as one." i was hoping to be more patient and let the line be still for a moment, that we might give ourselves some time to truly get on line and say.... I Love You. hope to hear from you sooner than later. 9:44 AM5 viewsMonday, July 07, 2008 PRINT MEagreeing is easy to do. for you. and me. especially when the garden is involved. NOW survival... we'll have to catch up with eachother on the details. and then as always goals and expectations and desires may be discussed. i have been hoping forever to agree with the man that wants to agree with me. on a long term basis of course. and...Argh you serious? you really want to get................ ...................... me to walk the plank? (har har har) With Honor, Captain! hope you like two swim too. Mayb we can learn to communicate like fish. I give you kisses like im breathing, and you rub up against my fins once in a while to show you care. ?whatya think? ["Ahhh! but this one i 'Did' intend for you: - - - nd 'be prepared'-- -no end-"] 1:56 PM1 viewSunday, July 06, 2008 Founding Fathers Meet Lady Libertyhttp://www.ladylibrty.com/bill_of_rights_n.html www.libertyforall.net http://xroads.virginia.edu/~cap/liberty/lady_frm.htm www.aclu.org 4:22 PM4 viewsSunday, June 29, 2008 tree-house storiesShe wanted to tell him that she knew what is was to be a broken woman. That she knows how to love, she did not know how to talk deity nor dirty, and that she thought men liked those sorts of things. Pretending was something she didn't know how to do. To be sorry was something she did not know either. She wanted to know how to tell him. She wants him to be happy and to find a life that he could thrive in. She wants to be happy and to find a life that she would thrive in. She understands that mayb she can never be perfect. That perfection is something that already is and nothing to be found. She believes mayb he was something perfect. Then she began to see inadequacy and imperfection. How she wanted to be everything and yet thought she was nothing. She knew also what nothing was. She never wanted him to know this. She already knew how to say she was sorry. She knew sorry never says you are wrong; it simply implies sympathy. She didn't know much about that; empathy makes more sense. She wants him to say he is sorry for leaving her out in the cold, vicious world to be alone with the wolves. Though, she had begun to love those wolves inspite. Of this, she knew appreciation. Of this, she loved the moon. After all this mayb love is all we need to know. 9:42 PM11 viewsSaturday, June 28, 2008 Then she began to- write like it didn't matter anyways. The type O's the fowl language; they didn't mean anything anyways. Any body was listening any ways. How angry could she get? How seductive could she be; without the love and the sex and the beauty of it? What did it mean? She stepped up. That was what she needed to do for herself. She needed. That was what she needed. Else there was something else? She found that something else a long long time ago when she stepped up. In fact it wasn't time. It was love. God, she needed love. Love felt like pricks and needles and carefull down. She wanted to know more. To know more was what was needed. Kneaded was a word she longed for. Aching muscles and a forlorned back made her strong and weakened her senses. There was numbness around her sensitive parts. He didn't mind. She just kept going. They kept hoping. One day there was a stumbling across. Damnit it hurt. He knew it cause he saw it cause she wore it like a crown. It was on her sleeves and her leaves. Un-natural discomfort began to set in for the arms that grew around. What did he want anyways? She had nothing to offer except for heart sleeves and autumn leaves. He didn't even want to know about the beauty they might bring. Suddenly as it was made, the cover came off and they were bare to behold. She opened her mouth to speak truth and joy. She enjoyed that right there in her naked mouth. She couldn't even speak. She kept wording and tongueing hoping that something gracious would come out. Only nothing did. He couldn't call out. It was sad. She came everday hoping that something would come out. Of this he said, "I love.". Of this she said, "I know." She knew how it felt; to love. To be seductive of that idea for the greater good. Then she removed her mouth and what was there. She sat on it for a while and decide that he might need something more direct. He might need to feel her lips to know that she loved him and that he could come every night and never feel badly. He could even mess up and still have the sunshine out his ass. Whatever she could say wrong was probably the right thing to say. She remained silent because words were for speakers and she was a rhythm. He didn't know. She could understand. They stayed far away from eachother as long as the sex would stand. Niether knew how far away it could take them. Who could care when there was feelings so tight and something so big beginning inside them. All this was so dirty anyhow. Too much work, too much trouble; to keep simple and sterile was so much easier. He went away. She stayed away. Then she looked up. Then he looked up. Then she looked down. Then he wanted to know what she was looking at. She didn't know. She wouldn't understand down. He couldn't understand down. Then they looked up for once in really long time. It was nuts. The two enjoyed the view very much. They held these amazing things in common. The two enjoyed it for a very long time. 12:09 AM8 viewsThursday, June 26, 2008 Say Something Meaningful"Our ancestors pickled many vegetables to preserve them for winter eating. Salt and acetic acids in the vinegar inhibited growth of microorganisms that rotted food or even made it toxic. Cucumbers was the most common vegetable that was pickled, but beets, greenbeans, cabbages, radish pods, okra, and hot peppers were also preserved. Watermelon rind pickles were especially popular in the Mid-Atlantic states. 4:39 PM9 viewsMonday, June 23, 2008 GrimrWhat is this numbness? Do you care to know why? Is it in the air? Is it in the sky? Does it poison the food? Does it get you high? Where does it come from? Will it make you die? When did it get here? What can it buy? Is it simple, complex? Does it wear a tie? Is it in the water? Will it make you cry? Does it come with knowledge? Is it really a lie? How can we see it? Is it in the eye? Who feels pain? What is the sigh? Why should I care? Aren't we all gonna fry? 10:18 PM1 view browse entries:older ¯ View all weblog entries Top Tags - Weblog define food free fun garden house love medicine music nature notes plant project recipes research resource seed stories tree water View all tags Name: hypgnostic Gender: Female Member Since: 5/16/2008 - - - - re-mayd.txt ree-mayd.txt - - - - v2-27-08 . 2pm responses got back from mayden108.txt love-letter posted to many girls at xanga.com\deuda_m ??3sp in jan-2008 BLOGC.TXT not1but liked parts misd cuz pntd alrdy COLDH.TXT see pic DUNO.TXT not1but liked EUP.TXT not1but liked maydnz.txt LIVIN.TXT godly answer: your fantaseez are killing you! RUBR.TXT JESSY.txt not1but liked sass.txt no1but liked. accendently sent her eup! strange-girls respond better if you ask them to send your love-letter to someone they know. eg.please send 'so-and-so-name' this message, i cant find her. (then post love-letter..eg.maydn108) girls like to reed stuff. and feel for you if they think they can get in2you. 3nd-hand. they feel they have in-site to you, a secret advantage. blogc.txt - - - - from xanga.blog clipd 1-23-08 I'm sick of getting off by myself. I need you to rub your hard cock all over my clit and make me cum. I want to see that throbbing head slide between the lips of my pussy and get all wet with my juices. You can slowly thrust into me just to get me excited, and then when I'm screming your name you can start driving me as fast and as long as you can. Feel my nails down your back and my hips thrust up at you. And then when your on the verge I want to take that hard dick of yours in my mouth and suck until I feel the hot cum spurt on my tongue, tasting you and me. I'll suck and suck till every last drop is out. And that's only the beginning...etc.. I held his dick steady and lowered myself onto him until my ass was resting on his balls. His cock felt swollen and huge inside me, and I could feel it jerking before I'd even started to move. Stripping off my blouse, I unhooked my bra and Mark rose to bury his face in my breasts, sucking and licking at them. As I began moving up and down, I savored the attention he was giving my tits. Then I gasped when he took a nipple between his teeth and rolled it around with his tongue. I hugged him closer to my chest as he nipped and nibbled, unable to do anything but moan and keep rocking on his dick. Then the gentle fucking wasn't enough; I needed to be fucked senseless again. I began riding him as hard as I could, slapping my cunt against his pelvic bone and digging my fingers into his pecs. "You need it hard, don't you?" he asked, and then lifted me off him before I had a chance to agree. He pulled one stocking leg off my foot and then spread my legs as wide as possible before sinking his dick back into my sopping hole. "Yes!" I cried so loudly that it was almost a scream. I had never felt so completely full, so animal-like in my needs and desires. Mark fucked me relentlessly, hard and fast, and I never wanted it to stop. "I can't hold back much longer," he warned, and I squeezed him tight with my pussy muscles to give him the go-ahead. A second later, I felt Mark's cock swell inside the tight confines of my cunt. Then he gripped me even harder and gave an almighty yell as he shot his load deep inside me. I collapsed onto the floor as his hot cream filled my body, those seductive black pantyhose now ripped and ruined but still attached to one of my feet. Then I sucked the traces of our sex off his softening cock until he was completely clean. "You should dress like that more often," Mark said, sighing deep as he stroked my mussed hair. "I intend to," I told him as I peeled off the damp pantyhose. The next morning, I put them in Mark's pocket so that he would find them while he was at work and be reminded of what a kinky night we'd had together. When he called me at lunchtime, I got him off again by describing what had happened in graphic detail.HYPERLINK "http://www.xanga.com/yrjessyride/638736350/item.htm " 10:06 PM - >- - coldh.txt: Might I ask what your strange fascination is with me? And I know you not, for I do not use xanga much any longer. And what is your name? And do not hate, there is too much in the world as it is. Learn to love, learn to appreciate, learn to live. Do not focus on the bad things in this world for it will drag you down with it. Might I ask what I have to do with all of this? And the use of such a long message? And pay no heed to my previous posts, for they are not me any longer. Like I said, I halted my updates for this site. How can you use me when you know me not? I could be a horrendous person, you never know. And I do know a man takes something of a woman's, but often the man leaves something behind for the woman. It has been done. I will not be able to reply to every question nor every subject due to lack of time. Which makes me ask how the hell you found time to write all that? And I cannot tell you my heart, for it is the mystery left for those willing to figure it out. Quite honestly, I do not follow rules. Not unless I know they make sense and serve a purpose. Did you know a lot of what you wrote contradicts itself? Once again I ask how you can write that to me. What makes you say all that? Posted 1/24/2008 11:42 AM by ColdHearted20456 - delete - flag Spam Bullying Sexual - - duno.txt: feel weird inside. 9:19 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it Thursday, January 24, 2008 im really excited i got a new book NINETEEN MINUTES by Jodi Picoult '-- marlenes rubbing off on me again lol 4:01 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it Tuesday, January 15, 2008 you know what! let whatevers supposed to happen HAPPEN no me importa lo que pasa ya making MY dreams come true* 4:40 PM - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it Sunday, January 13, 2008 making my dreams come true 6:36 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it Friday, January 11, 2008 you know... today i realized that im stressed. ive been braking out and it only happens when im getting my period which is not the case right now; being stressed sucks but INT really helps :] 7:19 PM - add eprops - add comm - - eup.txt: Thursday, January 10, 2008 People views on sex.Where can i find my type of people? The friends i have, i don't know anymore. I don't feel a connection with them at all. They're just there or i am just there. I hate it. Feeling like i'm just there with no real purpose other then to make bold statements now and then on how i view things in comparison to them. Hitting them down so to say - i'm very sarcastic and that can be draining, i believe what i believe. Sad to say i'm narrow minded sometimes. Where do i find people who are like me? I can't handle them, no they're like i don't know. Sleep with people for the heck of it. Because its fun. FRACK!!!! It upsets me. I do believe in some traditional view regarding sex and how far to go with someone you are dating for like a week. I don't know. They have no logic. I can't take that. I know sex is apart of life, how we got here in the first place but i hate how its being abused and taken likes its really nothing serious. Is sex just the in 'thing' to do when your in highschool? Think about AIDS and other STD's/STI's, they're not invincible, condoms don't protect you 100% - slip ups are most likely going to occur. I worry for them. Everything is just about sex. May be i'm just too naive and sensitive on the subject on sex but thats me for you i have never actually been with someone, i don't know what its like but i'm feeling the pressure to find someone - and jump right into it with closed eyes when i'm simply not ready for sex. I'm so terrified. My mother worked at a school for 1-6 year olds... the stories she has told me -horrifying- 6 year olds have done more then i have and that makes me sad yet again. When your 6 years old your suppose to do things that don't involve sex be care free and all that. When i was 6 i wasn't aware of what sex was and i was happy. I miss those times, i do. ha ha ha. Today, they have to know what is happening in the real world and be prepared to make mature decisions but thats going to hell - its all a joke, a big fucking joke. These few weeks i have been slowly losing my mind. Funny people in my mind are staring at me, mocking me, making me feel like i'm an alien on this planet for not having sex when most teens are going wild on it. What are your views on sex, would it horrify me? lol. I'm just kidding, i accept we all are our own person. Just, you should do what is right for you.. be considerate of others/ be careful but who am i to preach. I wonder if "real love" is out there, somehow i doubt it is for me being cynical sucks. I needed to get that off my chest, sorry if it offend people but again if it does boo-hoo. i'm a loser and i'm 17(almost 18 in 3 months) and our attitude is a 'i don't care' one. What would you do in my situation, how would you cope if you had my views? I lecture because my parents do, i realized. Awh noes! Me is doomed. hahahaha. -m PS: let peace be with ya. and when you find it please share! livin.txt: - - - Hello slave, no i don't write nice either,hate me if you please,but i meen well. i call you slave because you are one, a slave to self, the worst kind. all your words & logic say "i do nought but that pleases me" this is why you "do-not". i don't care if you know all this, you don't KNOW it , so i write. what does our creator care about ,slave ? the souls of man kind. this should be the concern of you & i, not our joys & pursuits. our selfishness causes polution in the souls of our fellow man & the earth. we cannot free ourselves , slave, we must have help. but yet again, God wil not free one who will not free them self. both are true. (this is faith.)you must obey the truth you have & the door to freedom will open. this is HARD. you are no more evil than i. (meening you are evil & so am i.)humans are evil, not our flehs & bone, but our soul. the only difference betwen us is you know the truth but do not. we are damed by what we know. i do the same thing but i will not give up, i will keep the truth in sight & go 4 it. by this i shall be pure through he who is, the Lord Jesus Christ. slave ,the hereafter is your choice. time ,though valuble, is not more so than one soul. you should read my blog, to the end. fantacy is killing you. good by slave. amber PS i'm not the only one with my pass word, as you may have figgured. Posted 1/27/2008 8:50 PM by living4god4ever - deletelivin.txt: - - my reply, as a general statement: i was thinking about love letters the other day . and how much they mean, how many smiles. and how well they go with a cup of coffee. and then i open yours . initial reaction? . pretty surprised . questions of who, how, why. you can't blame me for asking, right? questions of how many times our paths have crossed in reality if at all . and looking over the faces of the familiars . for any sign of life, or what great signs of poetry. so moving on from curiosity to wariness . my feelings are strange even to me . and my heart is easily given, but just as easily bruised. and taken back for repair . and, in all honesty, i have a reserve in mind . pale eyed and making notes that linger in the air. and my own head . and i look forward to the walks and talks . but feelings, reciprocal? don't know . do care . but, though my heart seems tied . it's not yet bound . so you want to know the steps . the handbook of my game . with all its complicated rules and tricks . and attention span . step 1: catch the eye. it's simple, really . it can be as easy as me seeing you . really seeing you . and knowing you're special . one look . one shy smile . i'm not big on the initial reciprocation . because eyes and smiles are generally intense . have you noticed that? . eyes are windows . windows show the world that goes on for miles . and sky that's endless . is there ever any wall to the eyes? . i think not . so there's that . simple, i know . i guess maybe complications are kind of filled with simplicity . people are easier to figure than you think . but the glances are important . shyness that does not imply being shy . and eyes that glaze over with intentions . it's a big step, so lightly entered into . without a lot of regard to consequences . on to step two: . the little things. i know, i know . i'm repeating myself . but compliments . fingers slipping between fingers . little notes slipped into books . kisses stolen because you just can't wait . but waiting is important . don't get me wrong . integral part of the wooing process . and all . but moving on . step three: . there is no step three . it's all different and i must say . i'm no good at this game . i lose pretty regularly . and go directly to jail is something i hear quite often . bankruptcy, all my pink fifties gone . this is monopoly . not hungry hippos . definitely not candyland . which i always like because the snow queen was so pretty . with the blue hair? . so my point . i don't know how to win . and i guess i need a better playing partner . had some bad ones in the past . and one of us always trips up the others . i like to say things fast . and i'm not a novelist . not in the traditional sense . so my only questions are as priorly stated . because there is no picture for relation . and no id to tag thee . so i'm at a loss . i'm sorry . but i can't fall for a blank slate . even if pretty words are gift with purchase . do i know you? do we talk? . are those pretty words stuck in your head when we look at each other? . all those shy smiles with no sentences . and maybe lingering music notes? . that's the end of this particular sonnet . and i have nothing more to word . but i'm interested for yours . so let's hear it . let's hear the secrets . and the sonnets . continued on page three . end. Posted 1/25/2008 2:26 PM by rubberbands4liberty - delete - flag Spam Bullying Sexual - - jessy.txt: Saturday, July 14, 2007 Sergei leans against the sink, watching me lower myself into the bath. The hot soft water felt so good now against my passion pussy. I cannot help but looked at the growing bulge in his pants as I relaxed in the bath with hot water, and involuntarily I start to touch my pussy, under the bubbles until I let out a low moan. Sergei looked hard at me and I cup my hands over my wet breasts, rubbing my thumbs over my strong nipples. I couldn't stand the excitement between my legs any longer, and hooked one leg over the rim of the bathtub. Sergei looked at my exposed pussy; his dick was going so hard to get out of his pants now. So I put my hands down my body, ending between my legs. I slipped a finger inside my wet pussy, and start to massage my clitoris, he started moaning. Unable to take any more Sergei pulls his zipper down, letting his hard jerking dick flip out. Stroking it his eyes never leave me, we both were looking at each other watching what our hands were doing. Our gaze remains locked as we continued to relax ourselves. "Oh God I am going to feel orgasm", I moaned. In an instant, Sergei was beside me, pulling me up to my feet. His hard dick was between my legs, I push my body against him. The head of his thick strong dick lay against my wet lips, pushing them apart, allowing the rest of his hard dick entry. He was kissing me, and gripping my body hard as he started thrusting into me. I feel goose bumps from the cold fresh air, but his body was warm and very hard pressed against me. I cling to him, and he quickens his trust deepest and deepest inside me. It was the feeling of nearing orgasm had returned. I gasped as the waves of orgasm ripped through my whole relaxed body. My pussy spasms around Sergei's dick. It was everything he needed to push him over the edge. He shot his hot cum into me, pumping harder and harder shooting more. 8:44 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it Saturday, June 30, 2007 He still wanted to tease, slowly pulling it out and then slooooowly sliding it back in. I thought I was going to go crazy!! I reached forward and grabbed his ass with both my hands and pulled him deep inside of me and held him there. I bit my bottom lip, closed my eyes, and tilted my head back, enjoying the feeling of being completely filled. He squeezed my tits with both hands and started to go in and out faster. I groaned to show him thats what I wanted. I stuck two fingers in my mouth and sucked on them while he pounded my pussy harder and harder. I reached down and felt as his dick went in and out of me.. 8:19 PM - 6 eprops - 3 comments - email it Thursday, June 21, 2007 He was about come and..."Oh, and then he squirted, honey!...He shot his juicy cum in my mouth and his cock was twitching and just kept shooting...Somehow he got his finger back in my cunt and pushed it in really far and then started fucking my hot, little pussy again while his cock emptied in my mouth. I swallowed all of his warm cum he had and figured he was done, but he wasn't honey. He was really a young stud and after he finished coming in my mouth, his dick was still hard...He pulled me up by the hair...it didn't really hurt, but he laid me on my back and got on top of me." Moving over her, "he rubbed his chest on mine and my tits were brushing across his muscular chest and then I reached down and took his hard dick in my hand and put it against my clit...He moved the head of his cock around, massaging my clit...Oooh, and honey, the head of his cock was just so close to the opening of my pussy and I couldn't stand it anymore and pulled his dick inside of me and he just buried his cock in my pussy. Oooh, honey, he was fucking my cunt really gooood, and he held my tit in his hand and caressed it and, well, you know how that just drives me crazy when you do that. I wanted him to come again....mmmm....I wanted that warm spunk of his to fill my pussy. I didn't think he'd be able to come again so quickly, but he did...mmmm....we came together...honey. Hmmm...and honey, I was moaning and making a lot of noise as I came. I think he tried to quiet me down by putting his lips over mine and drowning out the noise but I was shaking on the bed and he just kept fucking his cock into pussy until my body tensed up one final time...I could feel my fingernails [tear] into his back...he pinched my nipples between his fingers and thumbs even harder and mmmm, ....he really squeezed hard. My whole body quivered and I knew he was filling my hot pussy with his cum, honey...mmmm, it felt so good, baby, it really did. I still wanted to fuck him some more, and then suck his cock....wanted to taste his cum mixed with my pussy juice and just suck it and suck it...I wanted him to come again and again....to squirt his warm cream onto my tongue." 4:10 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it Saturday, April 21, 2007 Tonight I'm going out with my hair made up and in the sexiest black, low cut, tight dress I have, with black heels and thigh high stockings. I'm gonna dance and get hot. I'm gonna be so sophisticated and fuckable. And when I get home I'm gonna get on cam with someone and strip down to only the stockings and heels. I'll do it slow and teasing and I'll let that someone pick the toy they want me to use and tell me everything they want me to do, and I'll do it like a good little slut. Will that someone be you? Please make it you. 3:18 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it Saturday, April 14, 2007 We have fun splashing each other and swimming in the waves then you pick me up and carry me back over to the blanket. As we lay down on the blanket I know that you are going to take me to paradise again. You get on your knees between my legs and start rubbing your cock over my clit. I arch my back to trying to get your cock into my pussy. You then slide just the tip of your cock into me teasing me. You start sliding a little more each time and you feel my pussy tighten around your cock wanting more. I beg you please give it to me. You slam your cock into me as I arch my back. After a few strokes you pull out and tell me to turn over. I get my hands and knees as I look back at you knowing that I am going to get my ass fucked. You grab the oil and squirt some into my ass. You then rub the oil into my asshole and slowly insert a finger into my ass. I moan oh yes that is what I want. You then rub some oil on your hard cock getting ready to give it to me. You then slowly start to put your cock in my ass. As the tip of your cock slides into my ass you reach around and rub my clit. I then shove my ass back sliding your cock into my ass, moaning yes. You start to slowly stroke in and out of my ass going a little faster each stroke. I can feel your cock stretching my tight ass and it feels so good. Also, I just found this great article on Adult Online Dating, maybe it will help everyone get happy and laid. 9:14 PM - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----- False xanga - your site - terms - privacy - jobs - help - press - join - Language safety - parents - law enforcement report inappropriate content - - jess.txt: http://groups.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=120663 http://groups.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=56865 http://groups.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=4526 http://groups.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=353600 http://groups.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=122391 http://groups.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=87424 http://groups.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=630112 sass.txt: - - - - wow u really spaek ur mine n let what u think is right not change by what everyone else says!!!! im on ur side ive never had sex n my view on it is if ur in love n if ur married than have the time of ur life with ur love but if other wise than wiat the time will come when u will b reasy for sex!!!! teenager arent ready to have sex they jus are hormonic n they think they are ready but they arent.They are just in the prosses of becomeing ready!!!! im goin to wait till i am married yes the preasure is tough but im standing for what i think is right!!!! i think its geat u speak ur mind n u can talk to me ne time!!!! =) your friend n a person u can talk to ne time!!! =) Amber!!!! Posted 1/31/2008 5:25 PM by sassy_babe_4_ever - delete - flag Spam Bullying Sexual -no end- - - - - s8-408c.txt - 20min left? 10min? 2min! write well, my deer-sister. - April 02, 2008 5:11 PM Anonymous said... something is wrong. what is wrong? is it even a real word? i'm not shore. how to fix...? missunderstanding? no ID. aaaah. ummm...clueless...again. walking in the dark. why does this feel so natural to me? walking in the dark. I dunt need eyes to see. the more years, the more i feel...this. sound though...i love sound. sexy noises turn me (my ears) on. i'm shore i'll be deaf at 80. hope=cocclear implants fyi: Everything sounds pornographic these days. "wait, i'm coming" oh,...ahhhh! i canut handle it. what the F is wrong!!?? ...with me. with me...you need to be with me...so that i can be...normal...?again? (driving down the road one day, and It/depth-of-Love-for-you hit me like a Mac truck) i so didnut plan this. i wish i would have planned this. it'd be so much easier. i cood feel easier. i swear i try to stop these sinfull thoughts. try to think/type norml stuff. ie: "why is the sky blue?" and all i can think of is, "i want to color the sky, with You. blue, green, whatever...All You." Jesus, help me. -- so im hearing you want me to type you out of 'loving' (me) -- "~when you say you love me, I say you better!!!!~" The (real/best) WHO -- if you want to remain distant...it aint with me babe. if you want someone to tell you what to do...it aint with me babe. if you want perfection...it aint with me babe. If you say You need me...I say you'd better! love that song! All Most as much as I Love Lions. -- ps. the real, sexy, love-letter refuses to be published. The Pride is restraining The Beast. The Zoo needs to remove some fences before it can become a happy Home. also...i love/need you n i dunt want to...what do i do? April 18, 2008 7:04 AM im talking without thinking again...(no time.) i love you. you keep conflicting worlds bearable. evry hour...using you to beat it. every day. every morning. always you. - i know you dont want to love/need. my garden grows cuz of what you have done. i dont care what you do next. but... if love was planted... then it wants to grow... even today... always using maydns words... to go another step. into a most beautiful way. for me to go. thank you.. no matter what. will 'hap'n next. - ... - . . . did you say 'depth-of-love' . . i need to report.. it only happend 5-times? but only when thuts of you come. i need to report.. a strange rise in my chest. i dont know what it is... its not those 'chest-aches' i always get those for you. this 'rise' is different. like somthing in me is.. reaching for you.. almost bursts my chest... then settles back down... quick as it came... like a rooster-bird. i dont know what this is. its always about you. im tired of being 'MALE' it gets confusing. but i report things you do to me. even if no 'sense' is in it. but i report things you do to me. even if no 'sense' is in it. - (.next comment.) more dreemy-architecture: book:building with earth. earth-bag construction. rob and jaki Roy earthwood building school. other 'schools': carla emery, elpel:outdoor. nyerges:self reliance. - always twisting maydn into some of these ideas... thats guys for you. but then... i keep moving out and away... till i 'WANT' to study basic survival study stuff.. it dont come naturaly for me.. i got to tell my heart what to love... that takes walking out' into the unknown where im forcing myself to listen.. anyone can stay with the crowd. floating into a lazy mass of death-camps..it easy.. sit at home. do nothing. trouble comes qwiq that way. i try to run from it. i find happiness... when i do. so i do. and i go. and i love you so. - - - - - song508p.txt begin copy: (not htm mooshd) 4-15-08 scripturemusic.net and oraclesofgod.org: papers one of two: the miracle is the words of god, spoken, and believed. not emotion, not signs, not faith, but effect: faith in gods words. john6:29 spirit of document: words that bring-to-mind the song, when all you have is this when out camping. see also strawberry-songs 3-31-08, if gods words are light than we Are in a spiritual-battle. words against words, worlds, kings. prefix: (check for accuracy) xmat5,6?,7,xRev1,ps107,1john14,4?,deu6:4-5Heb,xRev2-4,col3:15-16 2cor4:6,xps93,gal1:3-5grace2u,xRev4:st.jn:mx:5:39+6:48+7:38+8:7+12i-am..th litof th-wr.brdolif,songs 17-37:2thes2:16+17,xEz28:12-19,ps139:17-18precio s are yrth,xRev6,ps5:7+8+12butas4me,xPs.82,ep.1thes2:19,3:12,4:1:ipraythat he grace..is it not you,john3:8,xRev8:7th seal,jesu:mx?:luke6:35+36+45b(mat5:44):love enemies,xIsa29,john15:5,ep.1pet1:7trial.attrevofj,song#30:xRev9:1-12:5th trump,luke21:36counted worthy,xPs2,ps148:praise all ye,john20:17,xRev9:13-21:6th angl,luk10:41:mx:care=anxi-s,song#37:acts:sho unto us the way of salvation.?,xps6:O-lor rbukme-not,songs 38-59: ps89:15+isa3:1+10:20+30:12+48:2+ho13:13:mx:blesed rthpepl whokno thjoyfl-sond:3x,prov30:5+6,xRev10,ps74:22prv31:9:Arise an pleed,xmark13,jam1:12:blsdisthmanwho-ndrstmp,ps19:14,xRev11:1-14,samuel-ps 35:5?:4iknothat..thL.lvt,x:mx:thy-shtd crucify-him,ps21:thKingshljoynthystrng, ep.:mx:?:ltus-not grwry whldngd,song#50:xRev:11:15?-19:7th angl,xpsalm22:Eli Eli Lama,ps?:(rom12:19,le19:18,lu18:3)donot say-ay i..wl repay-evil:2x.wt4thL:2x.anhewlsvu,ps27:10-13:whnmyftr,xRev12:awmn clthd,xPs23:YwYis myshprd.,Job?:ikno.whtsovrgd dth.itshlb4evr-er,ps56!:In gd! iwl,ep:col2:16+17:xm:donotltany1-judg-U..whch R-ashdo.ofthgsthtRcmn:2x..bttbdyischst,substnc,xRev13:666,songs 60-80 of 110: deut5:29(1ch4:9)mx:O-thtihd schnhrt-nme,wl children!,mbro+sis,thy+ol,ps116:15+?+mx:Hw prcs,isa38:19+ez18:31,isa38:17b,41:9ps?:th-livn-man..he shlpras-u.asidothsday:2x,xRev14:144,000, song#64:Isa13:ThDoomofBab,ps126:6+3:He thtgoth,weepeth precious seed,ps9:6-8:o-tho-en-nemy.dstrctnsRcm2nnd,xRev:15?:sevenvials,song#68:xIs 14:3-27:A-nd itshlcm2ps..no feller,song#69:ps18:1-4+31:mx?:i wl love thee oL!,ps130:3+4:if You O,xRev:a mystery.a womn.mystery-baby,xRev15:3b+4:(chant)manifest, song73:ps134behold!,xRev:18???..comotof her,song#75:isa63:1-6:(band)whoisths, song#76:Zech3:7b:If You wl wlk,xRev:19 correct wording:(men-sing darkly:)Allelujah! slva hnr glry b2ourgd (nar:yng-man boldly+slowly:) hehth jdgd thgrt-whor. wchdid corpt-thrthwth,right-of saints+?spirit of prophecy,song#78:ps121:5-8:ThL.isthKepr!,song#79:Rev19:11-16:re-sung,song# 0:xRev20:Andisaw anaglcmdnfmhvn1000 years,songs 81-110 of 110:xEx15:1-19:Iwlsing.un2YwY.,ps51:7+john1:29:mx:purgme.wash-me,song#83:x ev21:1-8,song#84:xRev21:1-8,prov.16:18:pride cmthb4,song#86:x2thes2:1-17: aboutthcoming,xRev22:Anhe shwdmea pure river,song#88:xpsalm100:(not aggresive)Makajoyfl,prov16:3:(slowr)co-mit.roll.,song#90:prov14:26,27(in hebrew)fear.children.fountain of life,xEz31:2b-31pharo,song#92: xEz13:(live), xisa26,27,28,53,55,42,xjoel1,2,3,xjohn10,17,15:live,xmatt23, ps6,24,38,8,8,misd:2thes2:17,james1:17-20(woman-singer),xHab3(hrd-rock-mus c),total:110, my two songs:ho14:turn2thlo-ord!,micah7:18-20who is a god,more songs: reggae: dont follow babylon...him always wrong. work for a living. i am a family man, i am i am. tin soldier. international panic. hello baby krishna. other nwo notes found on paper: ??? end of paper two of two 4-15-08 scripture-songs cd-rw notes. -end of prefix- forthtime wlcm whnthey wilnt 'end-uR'sound-words, but heap2thmselvs 'gides' via itchy(ilikethis-emotional?enchantment?)h-ears. forthouhst glorifiedthy WORDS above-all-thy-name. main song-list mem: x:oraclesofgod.org, else is scripturemusic.net mx:a mixture of scriptures, bible concepts and-or authors own words added. -- - - - strm8.txt strm8.txt - - - - v1-27-08 apparently someone responded to maydn108m grandma.txt at re-chat.blogspot.com streem-8 even if i have-to RAM-YOU many times to proove it..oR just till i get-it Right..maydn999. "http://re-chat.blogspot.com/2006/07/stream-8.html" Anonymous said...IM so afeared of you. But you are no beast. You are heaven sent if I've ever known anything. I know you know if that is All we have to know. I have a story writing here on my station, however I do not have enough time to type it up and then proof-perfection it. This propose deserves proof and perfection/protection. I have so many answers for you. For me, because of you that cums easy. Believe me. I Will show you soon. Again I am Afeared of you. Maybe that is the nature of This Nature. For now sweet man that I have no way of confirming I will let my heart gush if only for your museum. Later I will indulge you with a planned and prepared meal to feed your inner lion and quench your thirsty soul. You want to know how I feel right now? stupid. Now to get over that, because stupid does not exist here and NOW. So let me continue on with a story of a young woman who grew to care for herself at a very early age as women, i suppose are women at...first menstration. But that is a male philosphy for a woman is a woman in a woman's heart when she can care for herself. I happened to be gifted. By none other than Him (L-detail that :-)i like that :-) Now please don't get me wrong or let me be misunderstood or fall into the trap of quote and missquote; I have doubt, I have failure, I Am human. Though i am no Son and could never be anyones'Father'. I am permitted by custom and command to love with all my Will/Heart. My Will, now, that is reserved souly for God's Will. That is my Will. Kiesh? :-) Please do not worship me or lay at my feet or place me on pedistals that I cannot fall down from. So that I may not break anything for I like to think of myself as a creator not a destroyer. I need you to be creative. However loosy goosy that becomes. A-girl, A-Smart-Girls knows how to take care...of herself. ALL the parts of herself. It is a gift. Some do not accept their gifts so willingly. Some lust for desire and to have the image of a woman. God I wish I had more time to be what a Woman should be. What I was created to be. Yes, when I think on you All the parts of me become obvious. I hate that, I hate that I need you. I think alot of girlies feel that way. And bouys feel that they are not supposed to need anything. I think it is just lies that have been told to people...whispered to people...to make them sad and weakened to negative powers. Weakness in LOVE is the strongest strength a power-being can have. Some just want to question God's love and strugglle eternally with that. Some just take longer to see...that is All. So my time is ticking too and the older I get the more I think of You/of This. I'll admit. Other women/femm-fatals can try to control you...if you let them then they will. Might they be struck down so that your heart can see/feel the Truth. I will remain a lady for Now. Except, of course, in the hay-loft. And even there will I be ever faithful and devoted. Ask God. :-) The father of my child has been the one and only lover before and since the day we parted. I Will have no other, until You are mine. whatever the consequence of committing such thing cood bring. I needed/need to know your level/ability of forgiveness and trust. Those are a few of my requests to Our Father. I hope to see-them-through. Maybe this might get easier as we go along. With you in my yang the difficulties seem to fade away into beautiful simplicities.(by the way, this is so great, to chronicle. I believe it could be so helpful and educational to any tribe no-matter what demonimation) Love Can See Us Through. One Last Thing Until We Meet Again: A Po-Em: Unknown:Little Tree House. Please build for me. A house in a tree. Called the little tree house, The little tree house. I'd like to be, In a house in a tree,Called the little tree house, The little tree house. Simplest thing, There isn't much to it.You just climb a tree. And nail everything to it. - - - - xcmts.txt - IT is Huge. Enormous. Guy-normous, Stupendous. Need I say more? You know what IM talking about. If you don't, please ask. I can add more... finess if need be. Call me! Ms. Bias but I adore your Sight. What we have here is genious and IM all aboot "gen-ious". You R in trouble tho. You know that...right? YouR not going to like what I have to say or what IM going to do too...YouR gonna LOVE it. Thats All there is to it. SO if we get bored or insecure, change it. Strip... off the layers until we like it again and then we love it. We Make love. Easy... Call me whatever You want just don't call me late for breakfast. I Heart Breakfast. NOW You know. U tell me... I May either fuck You fantastic or Make Love to You until you die. YouR CHOICE. Reminiscent of pumps-clothed or pumps-nude. ?? Posted 3/12/2008 10:52 PM hip_gnostic block delete love the boys. let them know they count. - 20min left? 10min? 2min! write well, my deer-sister. - Sent 4/2/2008 8:27 PM deuda_m block delete Many nights I have tried to do whatever I could to get you off of my mind. Every damn morning I wake up thinking about you. YOU! do you hear that? This has been too real for me for way too long. My body confuses me into hurting because you are not here next to me...or me there. It really hurts. And there is nothing I can do about it...denial works temporarily...for a few years maybe...then bam! it hits me all over again...and I'm all giddied up about You again. And it keeps getting worse. Especially now that I know I love you for everything that you are and....you me. oh wow! oh God! when I think about that I want to passout. I know what you speak of when you say "knit". I would love to find out what that is about with you. Fascinating...aint it? I want you to be happy and if this makes you happy and feel safe then this is what I need to do. Understand, I am not so happy about virtual-love. I love connecting with you on this level. I guess I really Love being able to say whatever I really feel and get an opportunity to write something heart-felt, rather than settle for whatever jumble of words I can manage to get out of my swollen mouth. You do that to me. (you will find out later how much and why) You have the advantage of mystery however. I have been pretty wide open for some time now. I find it unfair. My advantage would be my ablity to put thought into action. I want to show you. I want to use my hands and make this idea about you physical into Life. It is a rather uncontrollable desire. I have confidence in my hands. So... planning is great! And your techniques I think will compliment mine. But I'm not sure why I don't trust myself with you. This is so overwhelming. I am a quite simple person. Less talk, More action. I need to get some stuff typed out to you. Things just keeps cumming...everyday...every day. I have a difficult time keeping up. what between survival and thrival... I listened to someone speak the other day about that gut feeling that one can get about something...it makes you take a deep deep breath and adds tremendous motivation to seemingly ordinary things...well...then he went on to speak about instinct and capacities for love. How important it is to Love with all that we have. How we are supposed to recognize that feeling and say "oh God, GIVE ME THAT!" and everything else works itself out. I want to love you...whatever that means for us...with ALL that I can give, All that I have, All that this mysterious heart is made up of. You show me that you love me. By wooffing me and harvesting me local. I LOVE that! You know what? I want more from you though, I don't know why. I know you want to see-read something from me too that I may not be showing. A lifetime could probably not be long enough to get to KNOW eachother...ALL the parts of eachother. I think that is what makes having GOOD relationships fun and alive. Sow that is what I do...I go slowly and patiently and get to know you. You are a dream. Every time I take another look into you I sea something else that I wished for. I believe in customed-partnerships.- OK, now I have to put my clothes back on and go be late for work. You do me Good, very very Good. please know that. You please me in soooo many ways it is hard to speak about it. I want to put my hand in yours, look into your eyes, and show you how much. That is all I can say right now. I hope I do not confuse you with my native tongue...it is difficult to balance simplicity with spirit. Such is life. I love you...more...and again... -- oooooo o o o o OX Posted 3/27/2008 10:42 A @deuda_m - Oh you are simply gorgeous! Magnificently gorgeous! you like to hear-t - t-hat. i am sure. before i furget cause its late and i'm in the country and get distracted easily.. oh look an owl... and i've been hitting the sauce. (honestly) I was born and bred to build what you have shown me. picture - no picture, boy-who-is-a-friend or no-boy-who-is-a-friend. I can make those drapes too. The glass-pane....now, that I'd have to technique. # or block glass. Light is always more important and FEELz better than clarity. ( O Mr. Bee, what the hell kind of glorious past life did I give to deserve you? (now that is a sentence!) buzz buzz -#o I tried to say..."Oh I don't know what I am going to do with you"...but you know what? By now, I have a pretty decent idea of what I am going to do with you. The ono(non)-italcs type slipped out. oooops This day is a good day, a very good day. My blood brother dies yesterday-2 yaers ago. For you. to call me sister is an honor. I became an Apache in 1999...really... the women accept me. I am proud of that. Maybe that may--help you understand me some.more. If you dare. My spirit is wild and honest maybe that is where I earn their respect. I ve always felt a reverence for wild and open and vow to preserve that in myself and ALL the spirit world. As Always, The strange little white girl who talks too big and too soft, knows too much, carries a big stick, who's daddy carries an even bigger stick, who knows and loves the ways of natural living, with respect and genuine curiosity... ps. I like the idea of chronicl-ing this "love-stuff", it is important. for so many... my only wish is to make it better than what was shown to me. I think I can do that. I think We might have something here... I am sorry for the way that I am, I can't go back. Once you know, then you know...and I know... You. I can feel You. I wish you can understand that. It's like this air-irie that something has after it's been near you. A word/ a type written word, has an air-irie after you've typed it. So what's up with quatum-computers??? I get 60 percent of you...at best. Oh God how I like-love biology so much better! Your chemistry feels sooo much better. 100% better --evry beat of my heart... --until I feel you again... --lets see, what other yucky, lovey, squishy stuff can I cum up with? -- 3/26/2008 Posted 3/26/2008 11:48 PM hip_gnostic block delete im getting kinda exited about this new streem of yours better that strreem-8? i like it here. i feel...free-er. to be me... but need two days... i hurt for my sister and friend. you dont like to be called that. but there are many things you are to me... and im trying to excercise (feed) them... cuz you get plenty feed for lions. aredy and dont get nothing for the other heart-parts you are and have. my girl starves and it gives me teers. modern culture has forgotten.. how to love and feed parts of you i need. and you dont like what i say cuz you dont get nothing along those lines. just boy-friend crazy stuff... which i love reeding on you xanga... but somthing in me is hurting, cuz somthing in you is not watered wont grow wont show... and i love you so... im no good for you...i know. but i keep pointing to places-things where i know my girl can grow strong (inside) im hopeless. but you dont quit. you make the woods cum alive to me. i need patience. cuz i dont understand what im saying yet either. i just know i love you like my oen soul. but know you deer sister can be a brat sometimes...and i need to deel with it. what-ever you want to deel. - Sent 3/26/2008 9:01 PM maydns 'first' 'message' i cannot find! so here i am...one year later...attempting to type it from memmory: she says: well! i finaly made it! ...pumps are hard on my feet? ...undo my dress??? ...you can help me...with these buttons in the back are so-hard to reech. wrap my legs around your waist... (.more.) other message: i know you want under my skirts...eye understand that and want my skirts over you...(.more.) -end-
8-19-08...another early morning Rooster-call for love.
...
The Night Was dark and cool. and in the dim candle-lit chamber...
the Queen lay with her beast upon her.
...
the Lion was squeezing the Life out of her!...fffff...
and she was..'catching' her breath between tugs.
(.thump.hump.hump.)
- -
one long..last breath.. cross-ez his wiskers before falling on her exausted.bury-ing his nose under her Arm.
(.Throb.Throb.Throb.) His Heart still Racing.
she knew this Throb.
it was caused by Her!
sweet footnotes! words she had entered-in just for 'his'fantasies.
...
making him terribly love-sick for the maydn. (.boom.boom.) his beutiful tiger-eyes. his brite orange tennis-balls. were mad-leey in-love.
...
(.note.) heart-changes and growth is painful for any creature.
but the passions and sensations were just beggining to over-cum him...
...??? out of order?
He 'PRESSEd' and PRessed all over.Her.
???
sHe had learned to deeply love-him....'wiskers and all' he searched her to find places where Her heart was closest.
spots to Make Her beat-Quickly...fast. faster and faster.
He twitched on her... as if waiting for a mouse to jump out.
...he loved her.
- - -
???
the Beast cood Now Hear the 'breath-taking' Heart He had fallen-in-love with.
He began to squeeze and tug on many 'parts' of her... trying to find what makes her heart 'pop-out'... fast-est.
He was... watching for it greedily. searching for his Prey... looking into heR eyes.
- -
(.boing.) ...uh..ooh!...He found it. Maydn was in a Real 'Pinch' now!.
Her Mate had cawt a very sensitive spot. her pulse was race-ing wild-lee!...
cold-Licks sent shocks and sensations all over her. His wide sand-paper tongue showed no mercy...!..
massive arms and fur kept 'gripping' Her. Hot fresh pop-corn was flying Every-where. (.yum.yum.)
she rode threw all the 'stings' and 'tingles' until...
...boom.boom... the Buttery-Salt-Licking paused rite-over the spot where Maydns heart was.
His cold nose and breath teezd her titty! wonderful man-lee lips bobb-ing her breasts...
sand-ee wet and warm. the wiskers became more vigerous.feeling.
lips went under-neath... for.. HeRrr heart.
pitter-patter. pitter-patter. ...(.woweee.) it was Thumping wild-lee! The-Lion was now desperate to 'have' it.
- - -
The Queen kept Her Arms around him...gripping him. pressing hard on him. to bring it 'OUT' to him. better.faster.
So.He cood sprink-L it with Cold.kissis.and.feelings. (.Throb.Throb.showers!)
she was weak-nd by explosive Earth-shaking orgasms...followed by endless heart-pounding trem-mers all threw her.
she finally let go. her hands fell from his. wild-wire-ee-main and beard. heart chill-ed and yet warm.
(.more.) Royal persuits: distracting him from these Hot coals of passion... The Queen began to grab for the Lions 'sensitive' items.
...(.marble.madness.)... full of sunshine it was a 'cute' neon-orange.ball.
(.of brite fuzzy-felt-)
packed with jewels and firm as a rubber-ball. bobbing about his tale. and hi-lee vulnerable.
...
she wished to show him circus-tricks and make animal-shapes from long balloons.
(.screech.ppp.screech.) stretching-twisting and making 'anoing'sounds with HIS ball-oons
till they were big.Hard.and 'Pulse'ating for her. driving his nuts till he went 'crazy-cross-eyed'
(.boing!.)
then with her feet... she ran circle-drawings all around his tennis-balls, making him go 'bonkers'
(.bzzzzz.bzzzz.)
his fuzzy-ears went up. in a'stunned'gaze.
as he sat looking at the moon.
and getting his mind blown-out by her touches.
(.bzz.brzz.boing!) (.bzz.ber-ez.boing!...)
the queen waved her hand. to shake him out of it. you-hoo? her soft voice... are you still present?
she 'batt-erd' his balls with her toes...
(.boing.boing.)
he 'came-too'...and began to cuddle her...purrrring. much more passionately. and terribly Excit-ed!
She opened up softly. her sweet inviting sounds ... she knew she was gooing to get 'thumped'. hard.hard.hard.
- - -
then.the.horrible?sounds of big-Bags of walnuts... 'Banging'threw the Trees.. went on for Hours.....
- - -
the 'oooh' sounds of the Satisfied couple...so-groo-sum.. twill nut be knoted here.
...um..
just say... that Maydn is very 'fantastic'. to be with...x.o..xx...
sand-paper tongue sliding over you.
(.lipping is o.k.too:)
Favors for Favorites. Her fun made this Beast King for one-tonight.
(.with a gift that keeps giving.every-nite: .a.nice.itchy.virus.)
-bad-end-
-end of tale-
(.about story:)
written.when eye was 'bad-boy' not-much of a...
::::HEART-KEEPER::::
but.. still yours! eye held on... for..heart-changes...
...for.. your love.
(.more.) this story is my thank-you for a lucious 3-woman tale maydn had posted 7-22 after femn1207.
(.warning-note.) epiphany! step-stone! what will men know? leev the very-best. looking for love.8x no more time-wasters!
-
do it for god.
-no end-
-
(.next comment.) (.bonus feature.) Her first xan-message to me ever! is here: cmts7.txt
Sent 3/12/2008 8:06 PM deuda_m block delete Daize later...I finally made it. Better late than never, that's what I always say. Through floods and snow storms and piles of dishes, I finally mayd it....here. NOW...cum over here and help me with these buttons. The ones in the middle of my back are so Hard to reach. Hurry please, I've been waiting quite some time to take these stockings off and wrap my bare legs around your waist. Do you think these pumps go better with or without clothes? Posted 3/11/2008 10:45 PM hip_gnostic block delete
(.note.) the lions-eyes just went....Boing!!!
see also 4-28 3-08.hyp1bb:7-22
- - -
(.next comment.)
scratchy-papers. .thots of her.yet paper 8-19 was clear. less choppy.
this being..a frozen solctice 12-19... eye was tempted to type the lion1208 tale of a 'Hot-August-fantasy'... and give my best to fanta-sizing her!!! (.sigh.) love you maydn..(sigh)
its a cold winter. but its 'having' you.
-no end-
-
(.next comment.) (.new day.) new year. new life. no more 'marital'acts. no kiss.no touch.no lust. no more cock and ball-bursting torture.
...i want...i want to write somthing better...
-
i want to 'local-ize' meenz no-more support from automobiles. none.
yes. im going to... become a holy 'none.'
just like people in all history. except OUR time.
step by step. a time-limit. and results.
this includes cutting off power-supplies. driving them off the land. get them to fite eachother.
take what remains. simple simple strategy. do or die. cuz doing nothing. is why things ARE as they.is. ..your chance to inffect the fate of humans is a gift. and its now.
so use it.
=
you see? christmas is a-year!...so make this a christmas to remember.
christmas is a-day. so 'make' all your christmasses...WHITE.
find out how... and do-it..,
you like a good story? fit it into your time. and live it.
thank god for a girl who tawt me how to read and write!... beautiful visions. maydn made 2008... GReaT!.
(.next.) heart-keeping: you see...if eye was a tree...my friends wood be very different! cuz christmas isnt a day...its a way.
its not great feelings. nor good-intentions. nor massive visions.
if you listen to trees. christmas is a lifestyle. always giving. never moving. never complaining.
non-resistance. patients...not anger.
learn to re-tree-t? cuz one-step-back allows two-steps later.
but never sign papers. nor stay where man can bag-you. cuz you wont be back... if that happens.
economic colapse meenz... everyone will murder... so give them tasks that dont endanger you.
or YOU 'wont' stay useful to anyone.
(.note.) sites of water and grain must be hidden well. and gardens...garded.
if naybors live to close. blow them away. if they got no water...they will SOON leeve the area... even if they 'own' it.
people blame people. give them SOMEone to blame. make it look like an accident.
the economic system is in full-colapse. people will be hurded into wagons and buried at transit stations.
you can join THEM. or defend a turff. your-choice? (.expect turff-wars.)
you can do it in wayz as gives no suspecion.
un-used property... but only in appearance.
... as things get tite... people stay 'busy' no check-ups... including their-own property.
giving you access to post-colapse materials. to transition slowly to living without them.
things 'not-local' will soom fall into dis-use... not accessible!..not stuff others can copy.
(.note.) i believe in private-property. but you can only OWN what you can protect.
indians did not sighn-away their lands...no body 'owns' land. it owns us! when they 'sighned' it over. it only gave permission to drive them off it!
people take life and property. paper or no paper. legal isnt right. but it works. cuz you made the agreement.
you sighned your murder... by-standing where you can: be-hit.be-blamed. be-cut-down.be-known.
YOU cant have 'part' in a murder?...what is car-exhaust? blood for blood. shoo them off. dont be a murderer. ..anger blinds.
-no end-
-(.next comment.) (.last day.)
I love you Maydn... but only when im honest. open..warning.reeching. and teeching you...
to keep you pure. and loveable. and true.
yes..but.Lion loves you too!
(.burp.) examples are: I love you Maydn. you are so beautiful. i hope you will 'KEEP' this later- version of my early-morning fantasies for when you need it most.
(.better by practice.)
if your-male has any senses?...he will start giving you attention and respect you deserve... wishes granted too.
kissis on your toe-zes. on your no-zes..and where you say it go-zes.
you are So-adorable. a real heart-breaker. for a man who wants to adorate YOU. shower you with flowers. hum. Live-with your silly hic-cups.
move you to passions. whe suns wont shine. when strong Storm-Clouds are moving.
the scent of dreams. before the Rain.
(.other.) Thankyou for sending that Seed-Keeper chain-box. with strong scent of a womans-musk.
You sure know how to excite your male. and i hope eye have hurt my female with lust and with love.
maybe show me how to do-it soon.
Breaking Her Hearrt so eye can 'Have' MORE of Her.
making bed very exciting to be in. Full of Love. painful kisses.L.icks and N.ibbles....xoxo..LNLN.
(.more.)
Oh! what am i going to do when my body burns for you?! being a-part like this, allows woo-ing and Romance.
a 'gap' allows 'sparks'
but.. being 'together' may be another story... for brothers and sisters. .to enjoy.
and not for-mating.
-end-
(.next comment.)
notes i wrote to myself: she will strap-you to herself titer than her own skirts. and turn you into a husband. if you get any closer!
see? she has 'maternal' instincts. this may seem cruel for her to do but when two hearts are... 'Melting' together it... becomes necessary.
(.nope.) Parents that use drugs. have kids that use drugs. so no woman for me please. (.herbal remedies?.) 2007 to 2017 is for boys a1a2a3me camp-garden sites.
you almost gave all-2008 to mayden...dont do that.! no 'marital' acts...
none.
be a 'none'
???
uuh..ummmmh....?
.except with mayden.?
no!...none ...means..
none.
its your life-story. write somthing boys can use...instantly.!!! loving them.
no intimate other... you had HER. you had 2008. now think straight.
keep your days... white as snow.
no more 'mate-ing' with her.
-
Li-Lo meens 2007-2017
meens YOU.
-
its love too. the kind you. have chozen.
to write.
so write it.
never go back.
-no end-
(.next comment.) (.day three.)
calls interupted! xfer blocked. how embarrasing.! did-not expect...
mood: failure! problem: mine. anger.and a TeeeR. what happened?
failed attempts to please her...are Here. (.sniff.)
Yet! her smile says: '..Try.Again.Soon!...'
ahhhh! (.refreshed.) it heals my heart,=+= (.sniff.) why are we like that/.? to each-other? (.sob.) look at us! parts fall-off. pretty-things are missing. we get all ready for each-other...and then...
what happens? ::we pause for repairs::
'She' has to pull-up his 'handsome-ness'... (.cuz it fell down.)
'He' fixes her stitches and adds heart-tugs. (.cuz it blew off.)
'BOTH' look very silly before 'and' after repairs.
but...
you cant talk sense into love-birds...
they do all there OWN-grooming.
and see only what they WANT to-sea.
song-poem? says: let me be your sweet-heart. let me know its true. let me be your sweet-heart. so-in-love-with-you.
...
(.more.)
but thanks Maydn...for.. telling me 'Now' wood not be a good time...
eye wood.hurt to pour my heart out when you are way-not in the mood... (.exceptions permited.)
(.next comment.) (.day Four.)
Here-Now Eye Have a game and a poem for you.
The GAmE: take the 12-1-08 drawing and spread it out... touch different parts of it like a map...
let your finger run down the creek. under bridge, to the pond. touch the fruit trees. the garden. the swing. the root-cellar. your tree-house and... then my honey-house.
then back to Us!
- - -
Now your Ready: Eye wull tell you things about the drawing... and everytime eye pause.. You say: SO-Did-Eye!
...are you Ready? Here it goes:
Eye Made a Tree-house in a Tree.. (.so did-eye!.) Eye made a mud-home just for Me.. (.so.did.eye!.) Eye made somthing in the garden grow. (.so.did.!.) And the Gofer fell-down a gofer-hole. (.so.dd.e!.) The Gofer Screemed! (.so.d.!.) Poo-Bear Ran Home. (.so.d.i.) The Birds Began to Sing. (.so.d.i.) The Goosey cawt Lions attention. (.so.d.i.) Eye held hands with the-one eye love. (.so.d.i.) The Creek Began To Glitter. (.so.d.i.) The Butterflys Began to Kiss. (.so.d.i.) The Moon Began to Glow. (.so.d.i.) The Fish Began to Spawn! (.so.d.i.) The squirrls went looking for Nuts. (.so.d.i.) The garden had sharp sweet berries. (.so.d.i.) The Lion Roarred! (.so.d.i.) Gofer-guy had gofer-dreems all night. (.so.d.i.)
(.pause.)
...Maydn? are you still reeding? i want to Reed it to YOU every-nite.
but eye guess...the three hearts on the Bridge... says it all.
i want to Reed more to YOU and take you to streem-8 when you need to get wet.
my notes'Here'say to blow-you-a-kiss when i call. its my way to say...
Thanks for:
the 3-girl fantasy 7-22-08 (.eye was reeding it in the tree-house...i didnt take anything else..(.gulp.)
Thanks for:
helping me feel what 'in-love'(.soul-mating.).you. and also.'loving'.you.(charity) is all about...(.boing!.) (.eye will always be 'Having' both with you.)
Thanks for:
Making my Heart-Parts come out! th-lion th-boy th-brother th-father
(.didnt know i had it in me.)
Thanks for:
Building such a love-lea Tree-House...your site is so secret and so pretty eye wish you wood make MORE!.
And.copy.copy.copy... for other maiden-hearts. to know-have-sea.
and Thanks for:
..Story-Times with you.. 33-33-33-33-33!
-
- - - -
(.next comment.) eye promised a game and a poem...so.. Here Is The Po-em:
Write these five words: :::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
(.scribble.scribble.)
Now...Listen.
I am going to say a Poem. if i ask a question. you say... (.the five words.)
Are you Ready.??
Here it goes: fffff (.calm.) (.for night time-reading only.)
Why is your Tree-House so High, way-up were the birds do fly???
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
Why do the Rivers and Pools look like Jewels???
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
Why do the flowers smell so sweet! and why are the berries such a treat!??
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
Why do eye have to say...'good-night... ..good-night My..Love.'.??
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-Queen.:::
Eye KNOW that! but...why do eye have to kiss your toes???
:::BE-cuz....Iam..'YOUR'queen.:::
Why can-not eye just 'BLOW' my nose??? (.blow.)
:::...becuz//im..your queen.:::
Mayden.?...why do eye have such sweet dreams..?
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
(.pause.) (.silence.) (.pause.)
Ok! stop!...your making me stiff! ... do you know why you make me so stiff?
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
(yikes) oh.maydn...you make my life so beautiful... do you know why. ?
(.pause.) (.silence.) (.pause.)
(.end of game and poem.) (.thanks maydn...im not good at expressing my fantasies. but you helped me live that one.)
-
- - - -
(.next comment.) (.day five.)
you can say 'Yes' or 'No' to the following questions:
(.pause.)
Can eye always Call and Write You? ... Can eye love-you as long as eye live... can you forgive me when im bad... can you love me when im sad...
will you always make me glad?... (.pause.) eye love you maydn
will you marry me...
-?-
if 'Yes' than write: ::Home Sweet Home:: on the picture under in the tree..and the date. and next years date. and the next. and the next. and the...
unto Epiphany
-no end-
- - -
(.next comment.)
are we married! ?? um...i meen... just for the picture...cuz you got us holding-hands.
(.marital acts.)
...(.paper notes ended here.)
-
(.next comment.) (.day Six.)
Today is Solctice 12-21 the world ends at noon. on this day in a.d.2012 (.maybe sooner for me.)
and my fasting begins. nothing but fruits and greens for...ten days. to rest my body.
this boy-girl study... is now one-year old! and eye want to close it. with boy-girl thots...
cuz 'Relationships' ARE difficult.!!!
most people marry a fantasy game-world cuz it gives them what they cood not find in other people...hours of pleasure without fuss.fights.back-chat.
but i say No! KEEP trying hearts.! people were designed to be beautiful...find those hidden talents.
...dont give up... i hate people too...but streem-8 dares faith. and faith pleases god.
(.my last efforts.) two books: (best parts) ten-keys2ahappy marriage. life after divorce.
- -
commitment! meens 'leeving' that person is not an option.
chasing-money meens no time to be human.
in problems... commitment demands any solution 'other-than' being-kept-apart from that person.
- -
love is commitment. even when the person says 'i dont love you anymore' your spouse is the enemy.
- -
commited-love is not based on feelings.sex. status.failures.change. its a rock-solid choice to love that person.. regardless if they ever love in return.
its a gift from God.
- -
a woman wants 'Empathy' eye want you to 'relate' to my sorrow or joy. she wants someone to say 'i feel your pain' 'you must be hurting.' 'you must be glad.'
note:she-is-not looking for a way out of it. 'do not give advice to fix her problem...she will think your being cold..insensitive. be where her emotions want to be.
but a man wants 'answers' sex.and to be admired. he will believe what 'you' say about him.
in most cases...a mans sex-drive...is 8xstronger than a womans...they like what they see...
a mans 'apperance' is not so attractive to a woman.
- - -
about family and people:
i think you shood know that YOU-DO-NOT-KNOW. whats reely going on.
thats the happy-part.
we shood be content. yet inquisitive too.
cuz You do-not-know! thats the sure-part.
- - - -
A man thot his son was dead!... 20 years! later he finds out his other sons had... faked his death. and sold him for pay.
Ooooops!
20 years of Lies.
.you.just.dont.know. so love and deal and play your part as sincerely commited as you can...
as one who must give account for what you 'did' know
your level of truth. rite.good.worth. and you stayd at it.
that boy was sold for pay cuz he was hated. but god used it to save many people.
remember god has parts he is writing and wants done!...things happen. choose to stick to your commit. no exceptions.
That whole 20 years the slave boy kept one hope: my brothers ment to do me evil...
::::but God ment it for good.::::
i think 'that' will be the thot where this boy-girl study ends...
i wanted to 'know' how the opposite-sex thinks but now eye just want to see it 'my-way.'
and that spells 'disaster.'
-- - - --
so people got problems.!! but God meens good.
HE wants-you to look for the place He has for you in this Mess...
the mess we call 'living'. and keep hoping that... the designer-knows what he's doing...and he's got an unusual place in it for me...a part to play in His-Story.
jesu clean and gide me!
-no end-
-
(.next comment.) (.next attempt.)
I want to Rip into this boy-girl Topic one more time with both claws and screem!
www.solvefamilyproblems.com
knowing my change comes.
'dating' is what people do cuz they are not willing to live-rite nor do-rite in the first-place.
even marriage is acceptable so-long as 'divorce' is an option.
in otherwords..they are not willing to start a home and face the terrors of ree-ality. they want room for 'self'..and if 'self' wont die. a new life cant begin for you.
your just looking for the good-parts and want to get-away when things get ruff....sorry...thats not life...nor living.
i never dated and feel eye missed alot...so eye will run the full spectrum in just a few words:
the divorced lady and child tried many dates to matchmaking. all the men wanted sex. somtimes demanding it. her friend said she wood feel bad if a guy did not 'try' (.do you see the harmful selfish playing she wants?.)
one guy was her dream! blue-eyes perfect build but his appearance was all that it was...he had no heart.nor character. no safe-loving for such a fine fantasy-guy.
all were so 'willing' to give their viginity to Her. it was amusing...and false.
except 'one' who truly loved her and did not want sex till after marriage.
finnaly the error was on her part...for she broke the engagement simply cuz she did not 'love' him....
a horrible reason! you marry 'for' love. not cuz you 'feel' love. cuz your feelings change! now eye saw 'why' her mate-searching was worthless.
she only wanted to go so-far herself...she wood only build her home 'for' love as long as love-feelings lasted and did not 'shift' to someone else.
how pathetic. no foundations. a house on sinking sand.
most people dont want more. its our culture..its violence. its wickedness..
and we love it! cuz.. it matches the spirit of whats popular Today. attitude. behaviour. fits what we want.
but the story itself is sick!....when finished.
- - -
make sure you know what 'terms' make up your commitment. together...your rules you both will play by.
eye myself wood not sign anything so...what does that make me?
-no end-
- - - -
(.next.topic.)
cover.love.instant.smile.
Maydn cover your eyes... is it all dark now?
cuz i need to tell you somthing:
-
::::.I.Love.You.:::::
i shood have told you when you called.
you were tired-out and wanted to re-schedule.
When Reelee I feeel it was the moment you needed me most...
please tell me the secret. somthing 'my dream guy' wood say or do to me... too make mee forget a ruff-week.....instantly!
(.boom.!) ..(.Throb.)
somthing to make you smile. even if eye was no-good at it. maybe 'that' wood make you smile too..see ---> (3 (.look at it sideways.)
(.look at your ruff-week.. sideways too.)
maybe you did rite. maybe re-scedule was best. maybe you were burnt-out. and just wanted big-kitty to stay away awhile.
love has 'seasons'
Maydn cover your eyes! i still want to talk intimate to you....um...cuz.. sometimes you forget your 'caller' has a deep heart.
(.throbbing for you.)
He want your moods. touches.talents. to beat passionatly. a never-ending quest to know who you are.inside. streeming himself.(.eight.) to find-out what pleases HER! (.you.maydn.)
that 'beautiful girl' who gets to-busy to notice.herself.
Maydn where are you?
eye cant talk... my heart throbs for you.
eye cant walk... ANY-wher without these
'crazy-books-about-love' stick-ing to my fingers and clothes...
eye attract them like a magnet.
eye run out the door... yelling and screeming. with books and paper-trails following me...
full-of love-notes..tips. suggestions.positions... if i stand-still to long ...im buried.in paper.
of 'one' i MUST type: about 'Empathy':say: how does that feel? women want me to 'relate' get-down to where there emotions presently ARE.
always shifting.never coming to a conclusion always going over-it and adding details...they live for the emotion and want you to join in. (.be in it together.)
it never dawns on girls that they cood be 'doing' somthing else. they just want to 'recieve' the praise and sympathy and little-shows of affection for doing somthing well.
a man does not get pleasure that way. he's not wired so. emotion is on HIS list... but its not on the top.
so when somthing happens. he is the last to re-act.
women 'Are' emotional... and for good design-reasons. easy to take advantage of. easy to persuade.
guys are goal-fate-task minded and want results. but a beautiful woman.is. on the top of His List... making it easy to persuade him that way.
(.ask me if eye need help.)
note: im just typing thots. im not sure i agree. i just want to see it on the screen.
and its the solstice. i told myself...forget all this 'effort' to understand Her.! (.sigh.)
she has made you full of questions cuz she is beautiful
you have typed much and looked deep.and.long.
eye know girls 'pretend' to like 'out-door' stuff. then quit when married cuz she now 'has' what she wanted..
greatly dissappointing the man...with emptiness.
likewise the man...ceases to type.talk.or do anything romantic..cuz he now 'has' what he wanted... he returns to his old habits.
- - -
(.more.)
never 'date'...cuz they dont show themselves as they live. only the bait.
never 'commit' to a person with the thot that he will change a habit afterword. Noo! what you see is what you get. dont expect change. dont even 'hope' that your love will make a difference.
if that person has a bad-habit or fault or failure in one area. -YOU- can expect to carry it to the end of time.
'marital'acts without commitment takes you threw this world as page-one of a disaster story. never making the story worth following.reading.living.
(.more.)
fantasy and multiple-mate relations.and dates may seem 'normal' now...but the fruitless years will make a sick-tree. not safe for a tree-house.
choose your weapons well.
paint a landscape for heart-keepers.
make sure they follow somthing lovely...
somthing you wood want 'me' to read to you. somthing you wood want to be a heart-part of too.
find people who 'do'.
(.conclusion.)
at story-time choose carefully what eye read to you..
those books are ways to say 'I love you'.
and eye maydn...
love you true.
-no end-
-(cheek-kiss)-
-(toe-kiss)-
-(eye-kiss-you)-
- -
(.next comment.) (.more bad thots.)
-(burp)-
- no more 'marital'acts. no kiss.no touch.no lust. no words to miss-excite.
wait!!!...??? how am eye ever going to be a heart-part of that?
when i look at maydn-beautiful...eye.. will always remember the number-eight.
but not say a word about it anymore...
she had deeply satisfied. a hungry-hungry heart.
and gave him the joys and dangers of love.
so he cood write a better story...
called '2009'
thank-you Maydn...
for your heart-tugs.
-x-xx-oh! - LN.L.L.N-x
-sigh-
-
(.day seven.)
book: TRUE LOVE. how to make Your relationships sweeter deeper and more passionate.
i miss my boy-hood. i like life the way it was just moments before eye met maydn.
this heart-searching stuff is exhausting! 2008 was long enuff.
mayden is rite... some people are their 'Own' best company.
alone-ness is NOT 'loneliness' and can be down-rite 'Lucious.'
this 'love-stuff' has bin a new-Road for me. like all strange paths in the woods...eye can only fallow it so far. ...one year? before turning back.
Her lucious-ness kept me going...but now... i feel be-wild-ered. i miss familiar sites.
i miss 2006.2007. i miss my dreems. if eye dont follow my dreams...how can anyone follow me?
was this just a... heart-check-up.??
will maydn let me loose now?
i want to get away. fly free and far.
..(yikes!).. maydn please!!!
you keep placing kissis on my heart.
making it hard... to fly-anyware far.
and hard... to forget where love grows. (.sob.)
- - -
my heart is still throbbing for her... so eye will tap-a-few more words...those words that all lovers 'need' to keep a flame... in the water.burning.
cuz true-love ALways wants to go deeper.! not just meet status-quo.
Here is words to do it: love has seasons.
cherish your beloved!
add compliments... (.why you fell for her.)
praise-her.for small-things! just for 'ordinary' things. eg.thanks for cleaning the..
do somthing 'ordinary' but together.
criticize-each-other only when alone together.
do the un-expected.
- - -
behave yourself in Public! the union of TWO people is a worthy and beautiful thing. let others around see-it-so.
meening:no public agruments no fites.slanders.flirting. keep your honey comfortable. have the outside world stand in honor (.or in awe.) of the person you have chosen.
Speak the Love-Words: we need to be 'Told' often: 'i love you.' 'your my darling.' 'i want you.'
call your beloved by a special name.
- - -
Say 'Please.'
it will deepen your own-love for her.
- - -
give small gifts of her-like.
- - -
offer her your help: verbal.chores.or emotional by listening to her woes.
- - -
Ask often the Questions! they lead to heart-parts you only 'thot' you knew.
'what are you thinking' 'whats your favorite color' 'were you a happy kid' 'why do you love me' 'do you like your work' 'what elder wood you like to become like at that age.' 'whats your secret dream' 'what do you need to do before you die' 'what do you like about me' '...when you fantasize' 'what turns you on?' 'what do you like about your body'
cuz 'knowing' another person in all their specific thots.traits. feelings.intentions.dissapointments inadequts.hopes.prayers.sorrows... is love.
- - -
(.my thot.)
how then can you say 'i dont love him anymore' you meen... you dont 'know' him anymore?
- - -
when you listen... listen with your heart. the words she dosnt say. the twitching fingers the heavy-breathing. the tear-clouded eye.
ask a very tender question: honey dear: you say your happy, but your voice and eyes say sorrow. wood you like to tell me about it?'...
then the two of you can move to a deeper level of knowing. the knowing that comes not with words...but from listening to the unspoken...
- - -
a common pitfall is when he-she becomes a dart-board for all your problems.
:::walk a mile in your sweet-hearts shoes:::
long enuff..(a year?) to be able to comfort. and not 'blame'..anymore.
Imagine you are Him\her and bring to mind the stresses, insults,assults,dissapointments, dissasters,mini and gigantic, that are besetting his\her life.
take a miniute to consider what traumas your partener is going threw right now.
no assumptions! see in your-need... your need to be loved and understood, that we are all one.
all are hurting.
- - --
saying 'Thank-you' does internal good.. in so many ways..and opens doors!
-no end-
contents of book:TRUE LOVE preface.intro.
:::conditions of love::: love is a journey.not a place. everyone needs more. everyone is wounded. everyone has circumstances. your sweetheart is-not you. she isnt phycic. assumptions are dangerous to your love life. communication matters,reveals and is not a-contest. relationships have seasons.
-
:::the practice of love::: nourishing your loving. love self enuff to deserve more. say what you feel. ASK what you need. be emotionaly Brave. Reveal what makes you 'feel' loved. Expose your secret love-scenerio. Go easy on yourself.
-
:::cherishing your mate::: celebrate the exceptional. praise the ordinary. do the extraordinary. keep your word at every cost. criticize only in private. do the unexpected. behave yourself in public. shower eachother with kissis. speak the love words. say please. give more gifts. ask if you can help. ask the obvious. questions. listen for the unspoken. walk in your sweethearts sted. say thank-you.
-
:::treasuring your relationship::: put your love on a billboard.(blog) communicate with oneanother. negotiate the not-so-needed. Acknowledge the hardships your circumstances create!!! keep in touch. take intimate time. kindle the romance. watch your tongue. Depart and Re-Unite with loving gestures..(good-nite wish.) (.hello: God Greet You Mayden.) (.good-bye: keep my heart until eye return.) (.hello: theres my gofer-girl!.) (.good-bye: so long stinky.) Fight the good fight. leave the kitchen sink. (.dont take it all.) Remember the Early-Days of your love.(.you-r know.) Be willing to make the Generous Gesture. Accent the Positive. Fluff up the ego of love. Tie up emotional loose ends. Apologize,Apologize,Apologize. (.without using the word.) Play with one another. celebrate with ceremonies. Reveal your Fears. Share your dreams. be generous with your Body. Trust One Another. Do it again. and again.
-
:::changes caused by LOVE::: comfort one another. forgive one another. show how words change everything. sanctify your relationship. concecrate your relationship. Bow to the Mystery of Love.
(end)
A relationship: two people coming together to live to work to play to die to grieve to rejoice. to make love.
but love itself...is much more.
let me type-here the cover-info:
TRUE-LOVE: How To Make Your Relationship Sweeter, Deeper And More Passionate.
back-cover: In each of us there is a tremendous longing for love. The love we desire is not only the eUphoric feelings of a new romance, but also the ineffable consolation of being deeply known, recieved, and cared for, the profound security of spirit that comes from being deeply connected to another human being.
"But sustaining true love is difficult. All to often the loves we fall into disappoint us.... We want to enhance and deepen the bonds between us but we dont know how."
A course for encouraging the skills of loving. book:TRUE-LOVE offers more than 60 inspiring and illuminating suggestions to help you expand the psychological, emotional, and spiritual possib- ilities of your own True Love.
-by Conari Press.
isbn 0-943233-13-5
note: eUphoric eye like that word... it meens the victim is 'convinced' things are improving. when reely its getting worse.
-
-
-no end-
-
.(.last comment.). reeding all of the above late at nite gave me wild-dreams of maydn in the morning.
my 'soul' completly...mated.
(.knit.)
.with hers.
- -
in the woods.
Her smile.form.voice. heart-beats strong. every-nite go back for nourishment.
she is lovely.
- -
sHe pulls on him deeply. He pulls on her!...deeper.
He presses his ear against her heart...the pull is over-whelming.
this is my 'darling'!!
just a heart-part of her. and she a mooshy part of him.
...so entoxicating. he cant breath without her. each breath she takes each sound she makes gives him hope.
joy.spirit.and peace.
- - -
i write these things cuz boys see pretty girls... and need to stay away.
yet boys remain facinated by a dew-ee eyed creature that sparkles like water and fire and can show him his own heart...
i want to tell those boys now to stay away...
the snake and the bite was never ment to kill you.
as for me...
i can-not get this 'eight' off my hands...
she has given me a pemanent birth-mark. .(.born into her self.)
- - -
(.conclusion.)
do not play with 'marital' words.acts.and thots.
If you want a 'pet-lamb' make a place for it. dont fall 'in-love' with somthing you cant take care of.
a zoo.(dating) may seem good to you. but not the one barred by it. the hurt you cawsed and marks you make will find you....hunt you. haunt.you.
(.more.)
as for the beautiful mayden, in the woods... she told the boy everything he ever cood 'know' of women. 'pounding' it into his heart.
he was excited by all she did to him... but in-doing so... the boy became 'hers.'
which never ends. but eye want it to... believe that...
eye like 'points' not 'circles'
- - -
i want to tell maydn how difficult it is for her male.and men. and.. me...
...eye cannot just approach a woman and ask her how she feels-inside...
yes.im sure most girls wood like that approach. but somthing happens during 'the approach'.
He forgets his boy-ish curiosity and gets turned-on purely-by-her-appearance. he may say some words...but soon he is goo-goo-brained. and not-thinking anymore.
this can be covered-up with practice...adding charm. but inside he is... ...sinking 'in-love'
(.which is not-love... nor controlable.)
- - - -
(.more.)
eye want to thank-maydn for leaving my boy-ish curee-osity...'open'
filled with questions. eye was a-mazed by a creature who did not see earth like eye do.
ask an older woman? embarassing things.?.. cant ask a younger... (.men have an ego.)
but the child-maidens... WERE trying to tell me somthing... somthing...wonderful... just by being-themselves.
but 'why'..why did they re-act and view the world in 'pink'
it just... puzzeled me more..
.more questions... wood eye ever know? atlest give to me some 'reasons'!
yes... eye like-girls the way they ARE...but why god! why are girls made that way?...what wood leed them to talk-like. think-like.desire-like like..like..they do...?
eye was to-busy re-tribing to 'know' or hope i wood-know. till one day...
...as eye was finishing my galeeb-calls to get kids more-into things boys like...
SHE APPEARED!
there were no pictures... there were no 'feminine' 'distractions' no sexy-images to throw me off the tract.
only the beautiful voice of one saying 'come' 'come know what a woman is like...on the in-side.'
eye wanted to love-her... just for 'letting' me get ...so-close. (.sigh.)
eye wanted to know... everything!
her words kept me 'wanting' to understand... (.it was very beautiful.) she kept me searching the endless mysterys of our 'differences'
- -
after one-year eye feel eye can 'let-go' the topic. now.. i do desperatly want to go 'back'.to what eye was before...
but with the strange 'eight' on my hands.
as 'proof' that eye at-leest 'tried' to see things...her way.
...and 'how' to please her... and not just please-her 'my' way.
- -
note: before mayden came... there was no 'choice'.
-
(.next comment.)
Your package came!
i wanted to capture and recored my... first re-actions: (.hard to catch.)
ahhh! she placed forbidden-marks on it!
the flower... the-smile..
a secret sign of 'acceptance'.
somthing a knight wood die-for from the hand of a fair-maydn.
and two fine white feathers from a goose-brain who no-doubt worrys for me.
::(.thanks maydn.)::
-
(.next comment.)
next 'pop's out nine-papers full of 'love' and 'sexy'. lover-lee stuff. eye will type-them here..!.
out of 'sheer-love' for this girl.(.magical.)
eye can give no-greater gift...than to 'copy' (finger-tip-tap-type) the passion someone has hand-written (.tears.) for me...!...i feel 'special.' (sniff) and everyone shood know this... feeling.
-sob-
- - - -
note: eye will try to 'add' my-comments in... places. (.'add'.)
extras: * thankyou for strawberry color page (color) * pictures/photos/images of real-life * dreams * Hoe,and soe,and pull each weed. - Sweet Prince. * yarn (twisted fiber) ---> learning ?twisted fibers/need fibers * Cards for my very-own Mom's Jar of Goodies * Knit a pair of socks (or just one for fun)-->
Needs: * 8-qualities for 2009 <3 gardening (add:prayer: god give her these things) * Permission.Strength
- - -
(.paper 1 of 9 . back-side:)
she begins:
(love one) * At this point in my life... " i'd like to live as if only love mattered, as if redemption was in sight, As if the search to live honestly is all that anyone needs, No matter if you find it."
007: I've been practicing 'natural' but neglecting 'dicipline'. I want to practice both with you Sir B****. (EX.)less expectations; more reverence for existing qualities/ideas/character
means:self-dicipline to stop expecting more and start accepting now. Practice living in God's moment/word NOW ?-expect the best;plan for the worst?
nope. plan for the best;prepare for the worst. (ie.)I plan to live in the Lord's guidance (reading.learning.practicing.)
I prepare for times of judgement and strife..(sin)
008:RE:Absolutes. NOT death, NOT taxes (both are conditional..temporary.) God's love/Jesus sacrifice (.unconditional...permanent.)
- - -
paper two of nine:
1st Flight: The Goosy Good Girl (love two)...Wait for her...for the Lord...will..open your eyes to her. ...when it is true/righteous. - - or somthing like that - - end quote.
Never wood i want to turn/distract you from God. I know that His-Will is most important.
::i.My hands for His Will!::
I have been confused as to my part of a man-woman union under God.
:::add:i know!? me-too! chooze-well.:::
she continues: I know that when I know, I'll know. ... Yet,how can I not hold that man with less than the highest respect? (My highest Respect going only to God) 'She worshipped the ground He walked on! I know that so.
-
1st Fight:The Missionary Position. Many do-it with no action, only screaming and yelling and preaching, hoping someone else might feel what is moving them so.
I suppose... if i have to say it. (out loud) I prefer to Missionary without talking about it. Actions and movements make more sense. To me.
add:yes maydn, my queen has decreed it!
she continues: I wood Rather build the Mission than convince others to.
(.paper-two:back-side.)
2nd night: (love three)
she continues: Your letters are like awards to me. Each one Rewarding. I look forward to looking at them over and over. again feeling Rewarded.
I look forward to being with you, again, If even for a few moments at night before I tuck myself in for bed.
I can be with you now. Without the buzzing and glare of a monitor and tower. I can draw you pictures of <3 heart's and quirl my Q's just for Y.O.U.
add:..4me?WOW!.(burp).thanks-you.
she continues: - -
Second Sight: (LOVE FOUR) The mommy-of-me Reads: wonderful, gorgeous girl. Curl your Q's and <3 heart your EYEs(i).
Love iz the-most rewarding thing you can give and hope to have.
Sew you 'C'... I have talked to 'Fa****', she is the local librarian, and she will show me how to Knit. She is legaly-blind and finds Knitting most Rewarding she says. Then i will crochet. (crocket.hahaha) O.K. (.smile.) U.2.B.A. well warm dressed smile. eR.yes.
add:me-loves the-mommy-in-you.. she loves me back by knitting... a warm-place for a male.
(paper three:) (Love Five) I want to say good night, good night my love. with My arms around Your He-art.
and Feathers everywhere, with gofer-nibbles at your toes-es. and deer-licks on your nose-es. Sweet-Dreams To a Very... very.. Love-lee... Mate. -x- -o-oh!-
--> Deerest, you wood not (.cood not.) harm me. you Keep me safe (too) and..warm. Although you leed me on to many wild paths; you do best at KEEPING-ME on the one to Heaven. I love You Very BERRY Much. THANKYOU --******A L****
add:I need heart-paths....with-you.
(.paper three:back side.)
she continues: Streem 8 on:absolutes: death meenz no-body, taxes meen no-money Gods promises meen: no-body needs no-money.
.see reply on (LOVE ONE)
--> i do (NOT) aim to (OUT) do you. AIm = woman's touch. (.that is me = woman by touch.) in-cursive:forgive me. i like your style too.
--> Operational Definitions of Character Qualities. paper from solvefamilyproblems.com from list of Qualities:p1 to p7 E7 and g3 because always needing 'more' can make me BLind to what i have.
(hopefully you kept a copy of this. if not then i will send it to you)
add:answer: i did!:p1 to p7 is: truthfulness.obedience.sincerity. virtue.boldness.forgiveness. persuasivness. (meenings unknown)
E7: is enthusiasm.vs.Apathy g3: is contentment.vs.coveting.
.end of add.
she continues:
--> Brick homes with better sustainability: the pointed-roof: (.good for snow-melt.) the dome-roof: (.stronges architectural structure.) makes me 'heart?' You lots. ????
(.paper four:) (sexy-one)
she continues: drawing: fertility-shapes of female and male.(circle-square) note: geometry can be fun !
--> I try to write to you /speak to you/ etc.etctra. in ways that i would hope you might understand.
'That' is the KEY to positive communication, -If Im taLking and no-one is understanding, then I am not commun-icating, I am just talking. I want for you to understand me/ my-words/ my-body. It could be fun...for both of us.
--> Sometimes mayb you might not believe ALL we have In Common. --> When you say you want to hear my ideas on...
::::sex and relationships::::
and communication (from a girls view) I want-to-begin telling you all about me. The unique me. 'Not' the one with 'great' breasts and 'amazing' lips and hips.
add:.thud.thud.thud. maydn stop! yor arousing-me!
she continues: I couldn't imagine that you would 'begin' to take-me seriously if I told you how i get 'TURNED-ON' by nature-and-dirt, or that i would much Rather build a...
(.paper four:back side.)
continued: ...House than 'clean' it, OR that I-Too think about RAW-SEX - ALOT!! I think I dont start telling you these things on my own because I'm not sure if you'd believe me. Or accept me. OR understand me.
add:pleez write on my heart. i do understand-you. thing-eye-do eye-do only cuz my-flowers bloom. its timeformecatalog.com
2008 has-bin a deep-time. a wonderful eight-time. of finding out how beautiful maydn-is...and pleasing-her.
she continues: --> I feel sorry for you that you should have to learn about a woman's depth from me... cuz. I Run in and down and through and over and up and out and back in again, creating a MIRaculous Natural WOnder...(thats me.)
add: you meen like an-eight? god gave me a heart-teacher.. to-feel-love...to-sex-with. maydn is a my-heart-teacher.
match-maker. !
she continues: and eye love thinking and talking, (.above line scratched out.) and eye love sex too !!! (iHsex2)
(insert:) I have dreams of a-future; with you. Yes,many of them involve being naked..(skin)...This skin is not a 'prison' or a bad place to be...for me.
Another gift..for me..for you.
add:..yes you are 'very' beautiful ...mood:...?..(.hurting.)
she continues: * 2009 Good's Grace. --> a clear path built with clear intention. in cursive:
:::My HANds FOr His Will.:::
Spiritual-values to give to my daughter-s and sons.
add:...and! to their 'nuts'... .(.sigh.) My heart beats rapidly for her. as eye finish typing paper-four. ugh.! this gets 'hard' for me.
end of add.
(paper five:) 12-12-08
she continues: phone-call = fantastic (as usual) I look forward, all week, to my night with you. All your loving words and condemnation. ( I enjoy being punished by you? (smile:))
Then, because I 'lusted' for more - of you - I opened your letter. IT was so Big!
Oh Lover, (sexy-two) I forgot how amazing being naked (in mind) with you was. So busy being 'behaved' and "modest", I had forgotten. (.how cood I ever..really?) Please don't ever forget who-made-you and be sure to always do right by that.
add:yikes! maydn.! eye-will..try.
she continues: But for God's chosen union in time let 'us' be naked together for-as-long as He might allow.
add:you have spoken it,(.throb.throb!) add:....but im going to faint! add:feeling strongly-for-you,(shaking)
she continues:
-- So...when and where did you exactly get old? And how do you Really know that I am not Old-ER than you? MAyB i cood 'die' soon and MayB I should 'Release' you....Release-you to the moon and stars and...
add:maydn pleez! stop! ..im throbbing. ...cant catch breath....fffff AMi going to 'die' (.mate.) with you...? that'will 'ruin' everything...sob fffff...eye cant hold it! ...uuh..uh...u!...fffff!!!
(boing!)
(.brave-boy just 'mated' with... her lovelioness..and lost his seeds' uuh!gh.)
two-hours later: mistress...im o.k.now.. but i failed.you. (.burp.) eye spilled seeds! everythings all goo-ey. i didnt stay-calm. ...im trying.... honest im trying...(sniff)...
heart-keeping!
secound add: but you-ment 'release' as-in 'permission'...i love that! i love 'being'-yours so much i-MUST cum to you for things..for favors.. for letters...for 'o.k.'s on 'who' i mate-with...it feels so sexy!
O.K. lets...continue:
(paper five:back-side)
...she.continues.writing:
...Release you to the moon and stars and...Heaven above.
(what?) To another fe-male, that might fit your fancy? Not while Im alive! (.smile-face:) Unless you need two, and then... I will Cry and find you two more.
add:--> hump-bump-bump?
no-way mistress! (my-heart-keeper) you appease me :::grr-eight-lee:::
your sex is 8-to-one! you teez and pleez me with 'that-much' viger-ness!...
your pretty eyes ! your heart-pounding-smile teers-me-apart...watching your lovely-hands send me into trem-'amor'z
until the-flowers-of-favor all fall at your feet... for you are worthy. of all my love.
she continues:
I wish you could know that much of what was written in 'the Early days' were not for (YOU) but for-a-man in my heart that i had longed-for from my soul. A mate to match minds with and mayb share in this life.
add:...my true-sister!' eye too called you 'HER' until.hearts wood open.
add:...eye wrote a fantasy related to soul-mating... its here! your-here!... (you are my far-end.)
she continues:
Only with the Lord's praise and permission might there have been a connection like the one i am speaking of...with (YOU).
add:..deer brat-sister, pleeze! we 'connected' by-heart... cuz of no pictures...? we had no-thing to offer... just our inner-thots. like blind-people do. (.from the heart.)
she continues: .if God didnt know me... neither wood you. If I didnt Trust Him I would not 'TRUST' you.
add:mood:...maydn.!...? .'pleez' do-not say that...! do not say...'TRUST.'.. '(.tears....anger.)...(sob)
but she continues:
'Hear.me' when I say 'I LOVE YOU'
(.however 'choked' ...and... sshakey.. I might sseem.)
Add:..eye//..cant breeth...hhh...hhhh...
maydn continues: I have never been more sincere to a man..woman...as I am with you.
(.end of paper-five.)
Add:cant breeth...hhh...hhhh... ...maydn...(sob)...eye..'like' you. you see-past my faults... eye TRY... to see-PAST giggles. ...into your dreams. (.tho a man needs girlish-giggles.)
i 'do' WANT to hear about the-man your soul dreams about.(ALOT) these-things you do makes me 'so.HAPPY.' cuz i wann-ted to know!
i wan-ted to know what women 'long-for'..'heart-cry.for'.. somthing eye-cant-hide from. cuz it comes from the heart-muscles.
(.more.) before you start 'gushing' more... i want to tell:of weather here: it is 'Howling' bad.rain. midnight 12-24-08
(.more.) (.mood: i want my maydn cautious. i want maydn 2c-'in-love'is a sensitive and dangerous-issue. 'sparking' begins a future-family. but some kids play with that 'spark' and dont want the 'results' so they date-someone-else to enjoy that 'spark'...again. (home-wrekers.)
can me and you someday 'love' without all this marital 'in-love'? (.sex-sparks and feathers-flying.) (.old-age garantees it.)
heart-keepers who murder?: news:..an-older-lady got blogging ...knew what young-girls long-for.. .played the-part of a young-man.. .and then...for-fun...'broke-up' with the young-girl with such words.. that she commited suicide... ...??? and i guess the-law decided the lady ought to be...punished.
note: people tend to be more 'open'on blogs.(before web-cam) so this can-not be new... someone is just using the-story via-news to get some new-laws passed...
(.for reasons eye have no comments.)
(.end of my long.add.)
(paper-six:)
she continues to write:
12/14/08 (sexy-five) (love.love.love.love.love.love.) (eye-ball) wood like to +Add+ a short-sextion to story-time.
four-minutes is total. we cood call it four-play. one-min=question for me.. one-min=answer from me... one-min=question for you. one-min=answer from you.
A way to Add-'ourselves' into story-time.
- -
Time to work on a loverly loving Relation-ship.
"many people spend more time walking their dog than they do trying to develope and MANE-TAME healthy-positive relations in the world\home."
?these things shood just happen on their own? NOPE. no-wonder so many homes... relationships...crumble.
People,animals, plants, relationships...(.all are living.growing,learning.) it is important to keep-up and make-time.
(EX) want to know: likes\dislikes. (EX) what is your favorite food? (.fresh hot whole-grain bread.) (EX) what is your favorite color? (.green.) Yes...I know, it may 'seem' trivial but 'Friends' shood keep interested in a person's personal ideas and... preferences.
add:maydn.?.i see a RElationship! but i see in the above lines a girl who is try-ing to open me up... but only cuz she is full of love.
you are a very-passonate-maiden. a grimee-peasant-girl with the heart of a royal-princess.
your just trying to 'hurt papa with love' cuz of his eyes... somthing in the woodsy-man adores you. as a daughter...a lover...a pet-gofer... ...a sister...a bride..
eye am 'afeared' of you...cuz of four-play...guys need it!..those 'talks' ...your simple ways and questions seem ...simple...but are full of love.
and that hurts...un.till your-man can surrender to it...and becomes your closest friend...by those simple talks.
eye said(.explored,) enuff of this at lion1208.txt book:TRUE-LOVE. id cuzyour heart is trying to tell-me somthing...as majestic as the trees.
:end of long-add.
(.paper six:back-side.)
maydn continues:
(EX) what does a woman think about SEX.?. She thinks..
(1) will it 'feel' good (right-now) will my 'body' respond to... stimulation.?
note: if it is swollen or injured or in pain "regular" stimulation like grabbing breasts or pinching /chewing/sucking nipples OR a smack on the ass may not feel good at all even though for most of the time that stuff cood very well send-her through the Roof oR atleast keep her 'begging'for some more.
add:.hh!.ugh.(boing)bzz.maydn stop!
maydn continues:
(2) will there be time for me to reach 'my' climax.? (.like mountain climbing.)
--> what is true for me is not necessarily true for my sister.
-->I like to enjoy "mountain climbing".each rock,each bush, every spring and 'stream.'
I could spend months/years at a-time, Slowly going about in delightful curiosity of the Lord's creation.
Maybe my sister wood Rather just get to the top, take a picture, plant a flag, and then Ret-urn home to get warm with a good-book.
(3) will I need to take care of something oR someone now, soon, or later?
(4) will I be able to do this well.?
add:..yum.yum. tell me more!
(.paper-seven:)
add:this paper got me 'pointed' before i cood finish!
she continues to feed Lion:
I-KNOW: You want to hear bouncy, jiggly, giggly, girl stuff. Like: when I take-your-Reigns I will 'squeeze' my thighs -tight- around your torso so as not to get thrown or 'BucKed' off!...
add:my heart-is-skipping terribly for this girl...tender.love.licks.
add:note deer-lion how she-likes this 'position' as much as you-like typing 'foot-on-balls.'
she continues:
ANd: your hands must hold my 'tiT-T's' in place -fiRmly- ...so that nothing gets hurt.(too much.)
Now. the most 'common' occurance of my 'foot'-in-your nut-sack will be... at the dining-room table!.
add:..ooch! my heart is throbbing. ...how can eye keep typing this? kiss her toes?
she continues: Of course, in recognition of taste, no-one else can get suspition becuz...one shood not use their 'feet' at the table.
I make this exception 'for -YOU- only' cause I -know- that later...
we will 'feast' on the milk and 'honey' that this...
afffff..ection surely brings.
add:...Yikes! ...Boooing!! .uh..uh..i want to 'cum'4U. maydn? help me!....im2jizzy.uhhh. mood: 2hump-ee
she continues: Too naughty for you.?..mmmh...mabe later. ::::i can do-it better.:::: (sexy-four)...(whole page crossed-out)
(paper-seven:back-side)
add:this side is blank! ...Yikes! eye kissed the paper... (.without-thinking.) (.smack!.) how imbarrassing... (.i must have...? liked it..)
(paper-eight:) (.majic.number.)
this-paper is 'TO'-HARd on me... i will just type-without adds.
mmh...mmh...mmmmhu!
...then cum-quietly in bed. ..thinking of the...
lovely maydn!
who 'hand' did-this for me! thump.throb.thump.uhuhuh. (.gush.)
she writes:
(sexy-three)
Now. with All that on paper and said...
::::LET-Us.'MATE':::: !!!
Like old friends that 'always'-wanted-to! but... never-could --> (see backside) because they ARE too far? apart. ...and too behaved.
add:(sigh)...im-in-love!
she continues: The 'balls' are in my hand..(court) and I am 'bent' on making this good. ...no...great!
Watch-out for your scaly-neck. because i am going to 'lick' and... nibble-bite..(.nicely.) and Kiss!.. until you breeathe 'fire.'
OH! my WOrd! ..I can nearly 'FEEL' you in my hands...uhuhuh.. Now I know why I have such a 'HARd' time writing this...-stuff-...
..It be-cums very Real for me... and my body 'Aches' for it... --> for Your Hot Breath!
..uhuh! I might end up in a... 'seXual-crazE' and become a target for a hunter on-the-prowL.
Note:Men seem to sense, almost by instinct 'when' a Woman is aroused. oR menstrating....They become 'much' 'More Aggressive' than usual.
(.hint.hint.)
Lucky for you...I am locked into my house, all Warm and Alone - - Reading YOur prO-vocative bedtime stories...
(.paper-eight!:back-side:)
..MY 'nipples' are 'point'ed and CHew-able...My sweater is a... twisted-mess and my 'Panties' should-be Re-moo-ved. (snap)
..What I Have is 'WARM'.(very warm) and...wet for you..
I have 'flutterbys' in my stomach and if you were to 'thrust' into-me right -now- and be 'done-with-it'.. then you wood be doing-yourself.. a disservice.
add:...wow! we feel same?-things! my love-words speak of the 'moving-feelings' in my tummy for you...but you say 'flutter-bys!'
add:..so many teeeeers!...(.snif.) ...teers of joy...to hold you.! thhhank--youu mmaydn! for these... hump-'moments'...eye feel so...like...
...a King...(.tender-hearted.)
...you treat-me with... 'Royal' ::(..love..):: yet all eye can 'do' is RooaRrr. and put my paws around you...hhh.hhu.
she continues: ooh yess! do it... 'My' butterflys would be relieved and I wood continue to 'stroke' you...(.Mane.and.Tale.) until you R-ready to pleasure me some (.MORE.)
add: oh! honey-bunny...yes!..
mood: surprised! im glad my-heart call-d you 'honey' ..um...i 'missd' that-word. but forgive the 'bunny'... (.im just bunny-happy rite-NOW.) (.boing.boing.boing.) (...lions like this stuff.)
she continues: (sigh) This cood go on ALL night! and day- ...unless you get sick and 'Knead' me to 'NURSE' you. This wood Make things hard, too. (throb.throb)
..mmh..'I-AM'-TElling you!...we 'need' a looong... honey-bare.(.bear.)-moon. because we-wont be 'Able' to get anything 'ELSE' done. (.thump.bump.bump.) ...until we 'work-this-out'.
And then I hope to 'KEEP' you close. in my (bosom) breast to show you... ..i ...looove ...you. and will 'take' -care of(with) you...Always.
add: ?.mmh! mmh..me too! misstress 'my-WiLL' has mated.with.you! when you said 'KEEP'...and i-will do my 2009-best to 'find' places for hearts.
add: mood:.'very' self-conscious:
why did i 'mate' with her...? if eye do-not-love-her-now... 'i-will'-love-her-soon. and must pre-pare for that.
make a safe-place...a home.. for when my-heart (.or-hers.) does 'go-crazy' 'in-love' and then falls-off again...
see? a-home is a catch-net. as-well-as a place for 'marital'acts and problems.
mayden? do you want to start a home...?
(.my posts this-moon are full of maternal acts..notty-kitty.)
do-it-for-maydn. who impowers me.with herself. takes my breath...in-deep-love. ...i will do-all she says.
she is-a-'darling' inside my heart-beats..they pitr-patr-4-her.!
my-love-is-kept 'with' her...safe.
she SAYS lovely-lusty things to-her fuzzy-gofer-guy...
and...(.kiss the gofer.)... he sings back to her!
hmm...so this is why 'marital'things must be 'kept-in-bed'...private. your touches.kisses.words.open the -soul-....allowing dreams to form. . . .
choices for the new-year... choices of a HOmE,!
(.paper-nine.) she continues:
So=that leads to a need-for RElaxation, 4-play, stamina, and sensitivity/understanding.
--> is any of this making sense? Hopefully I Have you Terrificly 'aroused' Right -now-. THAT is how i wood prefer to 'keep' my MAn...satisfied!.
I'd Rather have him Run-from-me.. than run-to someone else. (sexually)
add: you have spoken your wish...my-love. i will keep my sex-with-you. cuz you feed Him 'good-healthy-kitty-food.' he is 'safer' giving-him to you. i am 'giving' his LION-needs to you. to always be yours.
I will 'ASK' if i need more. I will always Ask for your-O-K.
..umm..o.k.?
i will 'depend' on your blogs to keep-me sexually-secure..happy. .your-young-buck-banging. satisfied! .you have bin my-single source of ...sexual-pleasure since berry3-08.
..cuz eye-bin to-busy (RET) and to-HAPPY with-you to want to dream more! maiden may i ever dream-more...
..but always'WITH'you.
..no polygamy...not even for... mental-pleasure...it must-be you! you-are NOT 'prison'...maydn you are Liberty! a mans dream.
cuz you-dont-know! how pleasurable
you-'ALL' (your-all) is to me.
....or do you? . (.Boing!.)..me.loves.you! ..uuuh...er..i just hope it wont make you so jiggly.humpy-jumpy you 'bang' my balls off. out of existence! ...(.shivers.)
...Lions are known to give maidens strong over-stimulation..'sensations.' crazy-cozy wild fluffy-haired Beasts... with brow-nee Arms and kinky-tales...
eye paw-zzed here: a fierce-irri-sistable lover in-dangers 'bursting' his balls if she gets to-happy.squeezy. playful.on him. .(.uncontrolable..!.)
...o well.. atleest he will looze nuts happy. thump.thump....'bump.'
but if she 'is' His Heart-keeper... she will be Extra-Extra-careful ...with Him.
Even when 'careful' is-not on his furr-ee fur-tile mind.
uhh...whats it like? what duz-it 'feel' like to have balls? ...throw sand in your-eyes...its painful. but lower. and harder. and you must walk-different.
but its better than being a girl...sure it is...
she continues: --> Though I will admit... that mental-stimulation..for a woman... is great....not necessary...but great... I think men enjoy mental-connections just as much as physical...too.
'Emotional' connections may be... where-these-TWO-meet.
(.end of maydens nine papers.)
more responses to her wonderful 'hand-job' (.permit.that.term.for.me?.) ..of her nine-papers continues after 'package-contents' ends.
- -
(.next comment.)
next to pop-out the package was:
-paused-
(my comment:)
this next long-part is specical-love eye have for the-nine papers...
mostly first-re-actions. to what you ink-papered for me!
special-love stars here:
add: oh! maydn! it hurts! burns! i want to go-to-bed with you so-'Bad!'. .(.heart-boing!.)
this is... 'def-E-nate-lee'
::Marital::
eye WANT to 'bed-with-you' only forever. soul-bonding! feels wonderful...with-YoU.
and good-for-me...cuz i 'mated'.
it will keep me only-yours. a-looong-loong-time. mated-to- you. and bedding-you. in my thots.
what a beautiful way to end 2008! cleaving to you as my-love-for-life my-one-love-for-sex.
im-sorry-i-found no-other...
but the beauty-of-it. is flowers for my heart.
when i-think-of-you. eye have her.. a beutiful maiden... to love and to lust-at. ...and 2008-tells how eye 'mated-to-you.'
no-one can take that smile from me. for eye loved her. with all my heart. and found contentment. in her endless-lee love-lee words... written all over-me for one-year solid to re-mind me... this is 'The ONE' you must cleave-to whenever you need sex. and soul-mating. talk your-heart-out to her. she will protect it. and you-will love her. endless-lee! and complete-lee and be only-hers...and stangest of feelings: ::::CONTENT:::: with her beauty. with her words. with her tugs. with her sounds. with her love. with her smile. with her flowers. with her body? with her soul. with her acceptance. with her gentleness. with her kiss.
with that-flower and-+smile+ she tells me my heart. Says im loved... and found favour with her... forever.
i will always love this woman! she is my helper. my company. my very deerest. she is my dream'friend'...
and 'friend' is a word eye thot...eye knew.
(.hands and hearts. twisted-together.)
::::.maydn.I.Heart.YOU.::::
you wrote that you 'TRUST'ed..me... and eye hated-it. but now...its my turn to let-my-heart Trust-You forever...too.
...(.sigh.)
God greet you this New Year. with infinite love and mercy. so much like you gave to me!
(.kiss.kiss.) (.and a papa-bear-Hug.) (.for you.)
Thanks for 'letting' me mate.and kiss. and question. and giggle.and dream.and give my heart to your skirts where i always feel warm. welcome.and....yours.
Thanks so.so.So.soSo.sososo much for your provocative letters...
I feel so sexy..(.wanted.) I feel so loved..(needed) i feel so you..(.mated.) i feel so proud of maydn :::...my-girl...::: and mate-ing with my girl.
note: i feel so you..(.mated.)
is true..but also error. after-mating men tend to say 'we' and forget she is a 'she' intitled to her own conciounce. not to be dis-regarded.
a common error we men make: that all hers is his... that what-ever eye-think.. she-thinks. this is wrong.
(.more.)
love is a 'daily'thing. the LOVE-BOOK demands 30 minuites-talk..each day for a 'relation' to work.
eye hope 'we' have pre-pair'd much for some man.to take-you.
your-love kept me collecting all eye cood. with lucious-options of True-Love for him to keep-you company with.
example:cards.emotions. jars.story-times. and many-ways to love and cherish his bride.
eye have prepaired with all of my heart. for eye have wanted to please my mate with all of my heart...to help men see:
Love is 'grown' Love is 'watered' not 'grabbed'... by someone who wants to 'smell' it but will-not care for it.
and 'throws' it out when the 'feelings-of-love' has wilted.
the heart-waster says: .why-are for love? if eye dont love-him anymore.. and dont water-him when he is 'down' (.wilting.)
the heart-waster says: there are 'plenty' of flowers out there still nice-looking to 'pick'
(.more.)
note:eye see now... how this kind-of-talk leeds to 'relationship'
see.? maydn is 'trying to help and warn' ...that the-pretty-parts do! fall-off.
and will? i have the 'guts' to put it back-on? 'make' the relationship work.? ..a place where love can come.? ..or atleast to wait- ...till love returns! (.for that one-and-only-mate.)
(.love is a feeling.) .staying with her... is a commitment... a relationship... a place for hearts...
dumping one mate for a new one...is NOT... a place for hearts. but a place of heart -less-ness.
...it follows love and lust and feelings.. for a person only as long as the 'emotion' lasts....
no 'heart-keeping' is required. dump one, go get a new one...
why do they do that? cuz no 'heart-keeper' is present. only a... home-wrecker...
emptiness.lonliness. sadness...is what their gardens grow..
jesu said seek me! i am come that they may have LIFE!... Life to the FULL!
i am the bread of life. be-'HAving' ME...jesu said..he who 'has' me 'has' the light of life. life-to-the-FULL.
(things only god ment for you to be a-part of.)
a heart-of....gold.
- - -
heart-Keeper Maydn.! ?
do you still look-at the things eye send you';'?
do.be.care-'Full'.
with hearts.
-
-no end-
-
- - -
(.next comments.)
next below are thots eye was 'thinking' :::while typing-out her letters::: not while 'reading' her letters. (.see above.)
eye type my feelings all over the screen hard and fast cuz the year is ending and eye have but one-memmory of a maiden. and eye want to give my all to her. she is all eye got. maydn-2008
the above'lines' are thots eye had 'while-reading'...note-that.please. cuz...next below are thots eye had 'while-typing'...out her letters.
here it starts:
wow! this is like..touching her-heart...its all 'her' words. they must PASS threw me... to get to the screen...what... is she 'doing' to me? this is like...mate-ing..
(.more.) mistress it will be an 'Hono-UR' to do this to myself. the pleasure of hitting words that 'appeal' to her... every...single...time...
cuz they are her-own efforts. to communicate... wow....my heart is pounding.
(later thots:)
maydn i live a nomadic... ...death-style.life-style. a yearly-cycle for work and turff-setting.
i cannot possibly give the 'talks' and 'relationships' women crave.
i understand many 'migrate' for work and they are Near.
if i understood it better eye wood call you to be here. instantly!...im just to... 'green.' yet...
thanks for 'holding' my heart in-your-lap.. despite these problems...and your promise to keep it there. 'as long as eye live'
- - maydn your love is... ...breath-taking! - -
- - - -
(.more.) yes those sexual-parts were also 'breath-taking.' eye had to run for the woods to walk-off 'arousal'
(guys need to do that)
im so thankful to you... for touching my soul. (.standing-on-a-nut.)
the love'tugs' NOW are-so deep! ...' nothing REM-AIN.s..! but to 'pull'-me-in- 'strongly'... scorch-ing-me-with-love.
(.to Hot!.pleez stop!.)
- - - -
Im not trying to 'get-rid' of you...Im admitting your 'worth' as a BRIDE.
IAm admitting your NEED of 'little rewards' and things eye cant do.
you know.--> ?? :::things a wife deserves.:::
and so eye 'Release' you in-the-name-of-love to a 'suitable' suiter!
only doing MY-BEST. for 'my-girl'.in her 'he-art'.
knowing you WILL continue to love-me where you can. (.for my own good.) and god will gide..it...
but if god wants me with you. you wont get-away. (.giggle.) i believe that... i dont know how my parents 'stuck' with me this long...
(.more.)
photo of mother with child: the mother-child photo in the card. was very fun. cuz i kinda-knew what to look-for in my mate...
having never seen-her-before eye had 'peesd' the truth. together. and it was amu-sing to see how accurate my thots of her are.
- -
photo: but to 'see' the two-deers deer-est to my heart was an amazing moment... (darlings!) my chest got tite...
it felt strange...
total 'awe'...
someone eye never met, yet 'understood' so deeply. her-every screem. her every-passion. her joys. her-love.(.sob.) and it was all mine!.. ..in secret...i cood have died.!..cuz she had put her 'heart' in my hands... i wanted to pass-out...
her words gave strength. what? why be shy? eye can be free with her. she knows me deep. even my inner-thots. (stuff none are to know) she understands. she protects... she wants to cover. and eye want to 'cover'her.
in-return she only asks to be allowed to un-cover more.of.me. ...for herself.
(.....)
will eye ever know a person so completly as this?
:::none:::
...the world is to busy. i am to busy.(2009).
but now eye know MAN better. and 'love' them despite so many faults!....now eye know they have a 'heart.' cuz maydn-pulled-mine-OUT.
and forced me (for all 2008) to look into her eyes...
to see my heart-parts.. to see the liquid of love. to feel everything inside me becoming hard...and hers. and her beauty...mine.
hmm.ffffff! eye pulled away from her... xfers-were-completed.
our lips un-locked after the 'meenings' of love... wer-known(head) and FELT.(heart)... and done.(hands) and kept.(health.)
(.the.four.H's.)
and... how-to be 'loving' and what 'in-love' is. and to avoid it for the 'proper' time.and uses. (marital-acts)
- - -
she also let-go of my 'balls' when she saw. love must be 'free'... the man must-cum-to-her by 'choice'.
and 'released' in-the-name-of-love to go... to stay... to be here. there. (.if god is in it.)
- - -
(.next comment.)
marital-acts...
why...? why does this 'pull' for 'intense'.petting and sex. pull at my very roots..?
cuz it works a tite-bond. to make wedded-life 'bare'able 2keep us-together. knit. for the duration+struggle ahead. of raising brats.(.um..x..kids.)
and a beautiful transition.. as SEX looz-ez 'pull' and being 'a family' begins to pull-harder.
the 'sex-drive' ceases. marital-problems.turn to family... (problems.)..and old-age.
not exactly what god-intended. but very fitting.
(.only the 'eight' remains.)
- - -
(.next comment.)
my last-moments with her... seem to speak strong of 'commit-ment' and a 'relation-ship' which began as soon as the 'Queen' 'spoke' the word.
i became fasci-nated at the meenings and 'moments' of surrender and joy that are-waiting in-those words.
maydn had already started on the 'questions' for our four-min four-play... and for the first time eye understood how deeply important these little moments are to her...
having wanted to 'truly' know and understand a woman (.not just for great sex.) but also for the great-sex it wood give 'HER' cuz women 'love' that emotional connection of 'conversation' with their mate.
(.more.)
she was getting into... 'the questions' type-stuff.
woooo! (scary) (reelee-scary)
...but 'special' cuz i had just finished... Lion1208.txt which... REEeeeeely ! got into the-art of 'questions' and other... 'Love-words' that women loooove!
(.guys can to.)
...feelings maydn may never have seen on paper. (.book:TRUE-LOVE in three parts.)
our first four-minute four-play! is that why you didnt ask? anything? mayden...?..you knew this-part was important...but didnt know why.??
nor why guys hate it...? nor why you ask? if reely you dont want a 'solution' but a 'conversation' did you ever hear a guy talk-type like this? yes...my curiosity scares me-too. but eye know its ending and you will have to fite-with-it yourself..cuz eye like being-boy.guy. man of mans-world..no-emo.
hello?? still there? poor maydn... im still listening to her heart....(sob) on the telephone.
love-words she felt...but cood not ASK for...cuz no 'TERMs' existed for... the feelings...in his\her heart...
note:thats what streem-8 is ALL about! our 'differences'...-explained. why do eye even try?
...cuz her-love! her smile.says 'please try to help me' love me.understand me...help!'
but more...it was 'my-time' to 'face' such gooey-stuff.. including gooey-books. (.hated.)
for one-moment in my life.. eye was picking them up... for the rite-reasons... (.a-one-time-event.)
heart-pounding desires to understand maydn so-deeeply. was the thing that kept me reeding...her smile.
--x--oo--(: (.flower.)
till finaly i began to understand how she thinks... (.more close-lee.) and how true-lee beautiful! she is..(a glimpse) before eye return to man-hood.
...man-hood is my 'only' view-POINT.of the world. and shood be! ...yes.? ...hence the term... 'its a mans world.'
...the masculine mindset! .how HARD eye tried to make 2008 break-it-up...alas! or atleast 'expose' some helpful 'differences'
stuff even the most BRUT-ish guy..(a mans-man) can use to please his mate with.
(.eye hope eye typed enuff.)
- - -
(.next comment.)
Maydn-please! i never 'planned' on loving-you..?..by falling 'in-love' :::to-you.:::
By doing so eye-learned!
and will now one-day be a VERY passionate man... cuz eye 'listen' and even dare to 'ask' what 'listen' MEENZ...to a woman...
if TIME wood allow it. maybe god-knows my end. and 'lets-me' go deeper. with you...then most ever do...with themselves.
cuz god is up-to-somthing...
somthing...
out-of-this-world.
- - -
maydn you-are going-into 'relationship' training with me...i will fite-it and screem all the way.
cuz eye dont 'WANT' to know a girl as deeply as eye now-do.
eye dont want a wife. eye want my sons to be adopted...not my seed. my heart screems for them cuz they ARE! and they EAT out of the trash in some city 'tonight'... cuz i do-not teach them how to 'localize' their in-take.
hec! some of them are probly older-than me!
you see? eye dont WANT to study YOU anymore... eye just did it cuz... a Man NEEDs a MAte... its in our designs..
but th-boy is right. you are turning-me into a goose-brain.
- -
(.next comment.)
maydn-2008 is a 'fine' jewel to have in my heart....very-unusual.
if god wants...he will bring-me-to-your-knees again...HE is 'VERY' good at it.
especialy if eye keep my eyes on the prize: a heart 'willing' to obey...even if my character wood NEVER go 'toward' a woman...
god may use 'THAT' to bring me to you... even faster...
-no end-
-
silence is golden...
-
(.next comment.) -
However....
Eye Will Type this Out (.your own letters.) as one who is truely bonded to you.
as one who is with you.
and enjoys you...
.. . . ....Forever.
. .. . for your passions. for pleasing you. for looking at you. and all over-you... . . .those parts of you... that need my constant.. tending...and care. . . .. ...those heart-parts... that beg for my kisses.. .i give them tonight. .for the night is dark .cold.and xmas-ee.. .. . ..and your letters speak .of deep needs... .long-talks. .long-walks.. ..and long-moments... ..just for holding you.. ...'having' you.. .. ...ca-ressing your hairs... ..as a man who has found ...un-speakable treasure... ..gently out-lining... your beautiful eyes and lips with kind..and timid finger and thumb. . .brushing the sweetness.. ...and pulling your hair. ..back behind your ear.. ...to look more warm-lee ...into your eyes.. ..enjoy your company...
...and your 'anoing' questions. ..that women want when romanced.
he says every-night: (.awed by her beauty.) where did you come from?
and every-nite she give a different romantic-answer: 1.eye come from the moon! 2.eye come from the depth of the seas! 3.eye come from your fantasies. im realy not here at all!
(.embarrased.) ...but always giving her ..a handsome answer.. ...as one who was permited ....to speak to a queen ..and who was tutored.(not-tortured) ...under her own breasts... ..'what to say'..and how to behave. ... ....and then sliding his arms warmly around her...a hand glides up behind her head, the other secures itself around her waste to hold her firmly. .. ... .and then looking deeply into her eyes and heart... as one who 'holds the lady'... . . . the lady that made him a handsome HEart-KEEper. patient.wise.and 'VERY' careful. with her love... and...
..with.her.heart.
-
-no end-
-
(.next day up-bubbled) (.next tale.) (add-this to previous?)
He layd her back gently and she cozied and contented her self to sit-up in bed for him...to read a book.
as she read love-stories he began to gently kiss every-part of her...so Happy to Have All of her to Himself...
after chapter two maydn cood see he was very 'hard'...she moved to keep him that way...for it ment he was thinking of her. dreaming of her...
his heart was rapid. but she was-not aroused. (.sigh.) O.k. said she. you may kiss all-over me. again...but this time you may start licking.
...by chapter four his heart was beating much faster...she cood see it in his eyes... he wanted her bad...
she loved his affection. and now he was burning. yet he wood not dare make his attempt to 'get-off'
for fear of getting a big-toe pushed into his nut-sack...(shivers)
maydn..(the queen) did not want to hurt his heart any longer... (sigh) o.k. you may cum at my feet...
but be-quick about it. eye have no time for your male-problems nor 'go-crazy' fantasies.
- -
he kissed each of her toes with the deepest of affection and she 'cupped' her cold feet about his hot shaft to give him an easy-slide.
He loved her to pieces. and her broke his heart on her pretty toes... 'Make sure you cum them well' she said...
Your seeds keep my feet feeling-great! fresh and smooth-skinned...just the sort of pretty-ness that will break your heart over and over...every time you look at them and kiss them...(sigh)
- - - -
Maydn was to tired at night to do what she liked. and let her man play. but by morning she was rubbed so fresh and ready. she just had to have her way...
and now plenty aroused. for performing her-own fantasies with him.
which (.bla.bla.bla.) included alot of talking... which... her man began to understand...and do for her. out of 'the-purest-love.'
the kind that made her smile.back at him.
(.more.)
2009....maydn my intent is to end ALL 'marital' relation with you...and you may aim to do the opposite... i hope you win...who knows?
but eye 'long' to write 2009 differently. nothing will be like 2008
(.more.) I want you to know you have 'deeply' satisfied me. we all wish...(at the end) that we had bin more 'open' more curious. more playful. less cautious...
i want you to know eye have never loved so deeply.! bin so open. nor so close. to another person..as YOU.
My 'open' ness with you has bin delicious. i won't bother-you with what love and pure-ness i yet... hold for you..(.so-shy.)
Nor what your heart-tugs allowed me to do...(.so-long) words...books...joys... maydn? what have you done to me? as you said at the beggining of 1-08 so now eye say to you:
i am 'afeared' of you for your are loved...a princess eye have grown to know. love.honour.not-hide-from (.secret-thots.)
..i needed.you..!!! someone.to hurt.with.. deeply.. telling ALL. as a friend you wood not cross me. but you took me for your own!
my heart-keeper.
so eye look at 'eight' and say for always...
8-8-maydn is great. 8-8-she loved me true. 8-8-my queen. 8-8 my princes. 8-8 hearts need you. 8-8 love is true. 8-8 mayd i love you. 8-8 gofer-girls are 'now' understood. (.somewhat better.) cuz she helped me. opened my passions. tawt me to listen. tawt me to gush. tawt me to be...
a master heart-keeper.
-
-
and never go back. (.commitment.)
-no end-
-
(.next comment.)
eye know eye wrote all year to you like you were very-important. ...maybe you dont know. 'How' important. maybe thats good!
if eye had to write an Epiphany (stepstone) about you from my heart. in the fewest words... it wood probly say:
::::Eye 'constantly' felt free to Hide-Nothing from Her ...eye never want to meet someone like that again.::::
(.meaning unknown.)
- -
(.more.)
I.L.ove.Y.ou...M.iss.tress. eye failed to 'court' you. good-enuff..and...yet... any heart-part that makes=it safely to you... is a treasure for me.!
you so-deeply satisfy me. What-ever it takes to show submission to you... eye wood do...and still do.
eye guess bad-things happen when we are pre-teens... eye wood hide-nothing... but you kind-of know....
eye just want to-report... (.keep it hush.) a-vivid mem-mory of 'wanting' to lick?kiss a semi-nude middle-aged woman...
it bothers me knot... except that eye was... age-ten..at the time... wow! bad books? yep.
ability to Mate?... i guess so!...fully 'in-to-it'
(.more.)
eye almost got kissed once. (.age.sixteen.)
(.other time.) eye kinda 'sent messages' to a girl once. cuz.eye'wanted'to love.
she never sent word back. eye didnt want responses. eye just wanted to 'love' ...she dissapeared.
eye made no attempt for ten-years...um? to-busy. to-many worlds to test.
(.more.)
in 2006 the 'possibility' of knowing all about girls came into my reach..(blogs)
in 2008 it happened. eye 'wanted' to know.feed. on their thots and 'have' emotion and all the-other goo-eey stuff of love.
where were the limits? lines? and 'why'...eye have-become so-rich.with heart-standing-experiences
explored..felt..lusted. desired and thankful for our boy-girl differences. every emotion. every tug.
2008 was great. but eye want to ret-turn.to life eye had before 2008. (.curiosity killed the kitty.)
Im exhasuted with the-emotion! much-time goes into sex-talk. and eye dont write it! femn1207 was my first EveR! I-heart<3when maydn 'words' sex-things...it gets.HOT!
heart-parts of me only maydn knows. and lion-proud to leave it with her...
eye share it.cuz of her. I'm 'aware' of it.cuz of her. I-love-it..cuz of her. a lion-heart to cuddle-teez.
will eye have 'Time' to study heart-parts again?
...Ever?..
- -
lets just forget 'what-if' and enjoy 'what-is' while this day lasts... while everything points to loving-maydn endless-lee and deeply...and touch her.
(.sniff.)
cuz sensitive-sex scenes. slide silently out of sea-scapes surelee sooner. so sliding softly somewhere sons and sisters seem so sure shall simmer somthing someday sadlee settled.
and never seen again. so 'seez' somthing-sexy... ..soon.
just for maydn.
and the feelings she forbids to forbid. so long as you-be-hers.
- -
(.next comment.)
ooow!
The Queen has permited 'balls-punching' which includes... BIG-TOE presses into the nut-sack.
(.i red her letter. of decree.written in Royal-ink with her own-hand..so-now eye -know- im in deep-trouble..)
in-other-words... for total pleasurizing... the Queen has declared.. ''Open Season'' for buck-hunting...
no-male in her kingdom shall be safe. till this 'drive' ends.
12-26-08 maydn's story-time no-doubt had hidden-meenings.
and eye was tired. so-tired. eye rested my head in her lap while she sat gently runing her fingers over him
and reeding a story-book.
she had much to tell to the boys heart..
.squeezing into his nuts some very-valuable information... parts of herself.
parts about her he... wood need to be strong and keep him going for all of 2009.
maybe for all of his life.
the man in her lap was handsome. and his heart was open-to-her.
without knowing-it she wood write inside of him all of her screems...passions...dreams.
and then close his heart up. before he cood awake.
- - -
this she wood do with all of her sons and daughter...
filling their little nuts with reflections of her own heart. till their hearts wood glow.
- -
kids are just shells. without the love and dreams planted in them.
eye did not know how empty and useless my own nut-sack was hanging there all alone every-night without purpose. without her.
until sweet maydn filled it with sparkles..and sunshine. and packed it with power and love. and a furtile future world.
until it was tite like a ball.
- -
::::.bed-hearts.::::
her tale was 'Im Terriffic'' a little bear who learned he didnt need to do-somthing to be-special to his mother.
my story was 'george carver' the childhood of famous men. the part that hurt-me was...
if you start petting a hunting-dog. he wont work. he will hunt awhile but then come home to be petted. it can ruin a good race-horse too.
as eye lay there looking at maydn ...my very fair 'filly' horse. eye began to weep...i know these days and moments will soon end.
cuz petting is not good for the man who will run a new-colony. he is a work-horse. not a pet.
(.more.)
there was many-many more struggles going-on in the hearts of both maydn and me as the stories from our lips came to life.
but they were not expressed. love was telling us to listen. smile.say things that will 'cheer' us both up..for whatever lay ahead.
- - -
so...eye dropped all my anger and dissappointments to tell Maydn i still love-her..and love-her-her. and..like a child... began typing
all the heart-changes her-love was still doing to-me tonight! hoping to slowly-form the gorgeous man she deserves! ...and dreams.
(.next comment.)
im so thankful i didnt get-angry. cuz anger blinds...i wood have missed some care-full-heart-tugs maydn cood-have placed on me.
It was when she turned-off the phone and climbed into bed that eye noticed it...for the first time.
her back-side bent-over...waiting for her mate to 'ride'her... so-sooo pretty...and slapping that cool-Rump of hers into my warm-lap wood...for a boy....be extasy.
but somthing happend as eye was 'stare-ing' at her figure.
...i thot... ...i thot eye heard... ..inside of me... ...her own heart saying..'you fool...
...i dont 'just' want your 'Thrust' ...i want to feel your 'Trust' ..when you go in and out of me... ..eye want to know im getting your heart with it. i want to feel a boys heart...coming in to me to be mine.. ..completly..and entering the story with me...with my heart forever.
she continues: sex is just a 'picture' of what is happening to two-hearts... and eye do-it to you so that your heart will 'open' next time i want to water-it. and make it grow.
guys got no emotion! no feelings!
she continues: .I am here to plant emotion...so in 'spring' you will gush with love for-me. and by'harvest' (.oh!-Boy!.) all that emotion eye gave-you (.at great cost to her.) will come back to me! ten-times what eye planted!
no! ...more yet.! maybe 100x-times. maybe a million!..and eye want to feel-it in bed.
THAT is why girls 'talk' That is why they 'BAnK' up all week...charging-things-up.
cuz when they do-it in bed they are 'soaking' up all the 'emotion' and love-notes and 'conversation' and trust and 'feelings' of being understood.loved.needed. and wanted...by their man.
thats what turns-them-on. thats what makes her thrust-harder. THIS...is what she is 'feasting' upon when she gets-wild in bed.
and this...is 'how' she has and provides...great-sex.
for you...and herself. - - -
(.more.)
And 'maydn' provided me with that input...she has bin much! her voice.her words.
example: she said: i do-NOT have meening-less sex and shallow relationships...
note: boy-thinks:what? what does she meeen? she has a standard...but its not a boys!
note:NONE of her words made sense. to me...sex was only skin-deep. if you are pretty...i get hard.. if eye lusted..you did good. if eye had those 'amazing' feelings just-before cumming..you did good.
there was no more.
guys can provide 'muscle' but not 'emotion'.
so i gave her all the 'muscle' i had. i even sent her..to timeformecatalog.com so she cood 'have' toys with 'muscle' to vibrate those-two parts of her that get-sensations... the-clit-area and the g-spot deep inside...which i didnt even 'know-about' till eye was 'wanting' to please maydn.
In Ret-urn...maydn has provided 'emotion' a sense of 'belonging' to her...in a deep-way.
after our phone-call last night. eye felt even deeper! eye enjoyed her 'emotional-sex' in bed and it 'deepened' my being.
eye was learning to 'have' emotional-sex with HER....like women have with men... men have it too... and do not seem to be aware of. what it 'can' do....emotion is alway way below.on their list. .and 'lust' for a good-looking body-girl..is'way'up.the list. (.guys are missing alot.!) but then...girls cant possibly enjoy what guys see...let me tell you maydn...it is wow-wow.
Why? cuz their 'design' ? is to off-set the-emotional. by providing great 'musclular-sex' they are experts of 'those feelings' in the nerves. in pysical-lusts... they are 8-x-stronger than their female mate.
but in maydn...i begin to sense... the 'emotional-sex' of pleasure.
we reely are the same!...in needs. but my need to be 'wanted' is lower-on-the-list. and so its not 'fed' as it shood be.(except4U)
my 'want' to have a great-girl-body is always near top-of-list. thats why i told maydn guys are always stronger at th-lion part of their heart...than these other parts you (maydn) have bin feeding inside of me.
i didnt even know eye 'had' heart-parts till eye looked into your eyes maydn...'THAT' is how blind guys are to 'meening-ful-sex' and 'shallow' relation-ships.
im just begginig to see this... and maydn cant find the words to help-me...she dosnt 'word' her feelings like men-do...and has told me at the-beggining that she is imbarrased at her natural need to 'have' a man...i make it somewhat clear of my same-feelings for her at the end of this post. .(.my needs to 'belong' to you.)
maydn? i hope eye have hh-elped you understand guys alittle better. if not...eye have greatly understood myself better. (.and will forget cuz im a male.)
but... by NOT-looking at my 'SELF' and just looking at your letters. you have given me a heart for god. for people.
and my nut-sack swells! sparkles and shines with the-full purpose god had entended for it.
filling me with the deep-passions of true great-sex...so intamate so inriching...
where-as before it was ...what is she talking about? ...to a man..beauty was only skin-deep.
you maydn naturaly balance this 'bias' which a man 'natural' has.
and eye trust you will continue to help me in that...(uuh..area.)
- - -
i like hearing you cum.to your mountain-peak...guys love girl-giggles and girl-squeels.
eye feel heavenly when eye can 'pleasurize' you with a great body...
but now the match-making is complete with intense new-beauty
...when eye begin to realize... hey..wait..! she is squeezing me even titer cuz.. she enjoys his heart.spirit. and. soul...and wants that mans heart..native-earthy-living sliping into her too!
not just his fine thrusting-knobs of great size and throbbing-texture.
but why dosnt he 'identify' with my 'emotions' nor show 'emotion'?? you made it clear women like those nobb-ee parts as-much as the men.
shood that be all men sex-with?
no...you want those great week-long build-up of compassionate awards.appreciations.affections from a handsome guy...splurting out of your heart all-at-once when in bed...thats what she feels for. ...he can too..?? ...yes.!
thats why the books keep saying to provide little tokens of praise and thanks and love-letters to her. small. size-less...and very frequent. and unusual 'surprizing'...
like the TRUE-LOVE book said.
it builds things up for emotional-sex in ways a boy just 'cant' believe. nor understand...why a girl wood want all that.
noR did eye know! but now eye heart-know.. .cuz of you maydn
THANKS...sooooo so so so so much,
(.next comments.)
::::.nut kick.::::
all these words were amazing!... the woman was amazed.
he wanted to 'know' these things? from me? maydn almost fainted.
the mans heart... ...was trying to word things...??
thinking-much... and...yes to-much...
he was focus-ed on 'his-words.'
...and
not 'listening'- to --> HER.
so...she kicked him in the nuts.
...(.ouch.)
to snap him 'out-of-it'
focus on-her... get-emotional... less word-ee.
...
and he did!
he forgot all about beautiful words.
cuz he felt pain. he felt her nudity suddenly striking him under his tum-ee.
- -
the cold-skin of her toes hit hard... on his balls...
and then rested.
- - -
she looked into his fear-full eyes.
she wanted him to know she cood give him pain and pleasure all at once!
and that she wood be care-full with both.
and with his nuts both.
she just wanted his body...and his heart... back.
her toes 'flipd' his nuts.
sliding them hard across her foot... up her leg all the way to her kneee...
it sent shivers threw him.
his nuts got dragged hard all the way...up her leg to her knee-cap... screeching like breaks they rubbed and vibrated all the way up.
then she pulled-out... and his big-rubber-balls went over the edge again rubbing and breaking down her leg.
slowing the decent and slamming painfully to a stop at her foot again.
sliding back under her toes...were she flick and played on them till he went cross-eyed.
- - -
by this time the boy thot he was going to die...his thruster had grown big and firm and it was screeming.
shooting pre-cum in all the excitement.
which dripped. no doubt from a pre-vious adventure with her.
- - -
(.end of my fantasy.)
as for maydn...
.eye have dreemed of working her to her peek. there are ways to get her there faster but iam short-of-breath...
during her departure to the moon...eye tell her plain-lee that eye will take-her heart when she goes and plant kissis on it so she cant calm-down again.
and this talk excites her even more.
and eye pinch-it between my lips and torture it with my toungue... making her blast-off ten-times harder to the moon than expected.
hehehe.(.giggles.)
than while she is still throbbing with extacy eye will lock my lips on hers. and our tounges will touch and ticcle....
which will blow her so far off the moon to wherever planet is closest... hopefully to earth again.
where eye will steal her heart and pull at her tit-T's till she is shivering with the pleasures of being a woman.
...if she makes it back be-sure to protect your nuts cuz she will be seeking revenge.
warn him: if you looze your balls you wont-have those wonderful tingle-tingle zap-zap thrust-thrust gush feelings.
after loozing a nut im not sure a woman wood even be visualy-attractive to him. somthing down there 'wants'her. but mayb lust is in the mind... but passions are in the nuts.
(.similar to breasts.?.)
im-sad to-report that i knew nothing of a-mans-thruster. till i met maydn..i had no idea what that big-long thing was for! ...i wish i cood warn boys...not to touch their nuts for stimulation. it was the-only thing i knew.! but now eye see its as 'sterilizing.'
that maybe why i never saw them do anything with nuts in any porno-magazines that happened my way..( i donot go looking for those mags )
so now i try only-to stimulate the long-part...rubbing it... and leeve the nuts alone...
well..o.k..i do like to 'flick' them. cuz it stings where the nerves are..,,and eye do enjoy maydns use of the word 'knead' ...
i just wish...i had done better. oR-if-eye had known...the things eye type now....now in mid-life. or with maydn....at end-of-life. or is this start of a-new-life...?
i dont know...maybe we will rescue-each-other. and make-it-happen. someday soon..(.i need steps.)
i like it when maydn crosses my path and makes things... difficult for me...as a male. as a friend...i lover her for that.
even tho eye dont want it. i need her...she knows that. but eye just run-away...with tears. cuz eye dont understand... eye dont want to.
eye....am afraid to be with her... but eye...
want?-her.?
(.yes.) (.burp.)
i was going to say....
eye want her....
eye...
dont understand me.
but eye can still .smile. and bite what-ever she gives. until eye am bold-enuff to take more.
- - -
i-love-her... it dosnt matter if she can-or-cant give more...
like that story she red book: I'M TERRIFFIC.
she dosnt need to do anything...
eye just love-her....forever.
Always... non-stop. with heart-throbbing kissis.
- - -
(.more.)
i think she likes the life-style eye paint at galeeb.
and the pictures we draw together....
after a week of that-kind of affection and charging-up my love-batteries with visions of green-living and heirloom seed-saving and earth-clay-mud architecture...
i too wood blow-my mind and gush over a handsome-guy who made me feel all those perma-culture tribal feelings...beside the wonderful goose-bumps of the big-knobby physical-battery-charging.
...um...if eye was a girl.
eye kind-of see why they want some...connection with a lifestyle. when they are thrusting-hard on their mate...the 'emotions' of being connected with a romantic culuture..plus a romantic-man, plus endless love-notes from him, plus the phicical-feelings which he can relate to...in a way.
all that together wood make me so charged-for-sex i wood be thrusting on my mate all night. eye can see more of maydns view of sex..eye like it...its more all-inclusive...adding traits and feelings that probly shood be apart of the-sex for the production of better-seeds.
the male...im afraid...has no interest in the sex but the physical contacts.(.eye-candy.)
i hope you can 'widen' his view 'point' so he can have rich-sex. my dreams are 'romantic' and that does helps alittle.
i include a certain dress some emotions (few) some culture. maydn is helping me cuz im not getting that part...to deeplee.
without her female-vision and soul-dreems for a mate. i am lost..and incomplete.
(.more.)
eye also want maydn to know that my desire to 'stimulate' her has 'limits'...
no chemicals. no drugs. no pills. no alcohol. no stimulants .(-toys are ok.) .(.vibrators.) .(.cod-pieces.)
warning: alcohol eats living-cells. if it kills germs than it kills cells. brain-cells.
..and that meens you. it also eats oxygen...great for preserving foods.
but guess what alcohol does to your blood!
it 'takes' the oxygen.
what part of 'you' needs oxygen-rich blood!
your brain...
so you die...slowly.
it also remove defenses so you get-sick easy.
so my bride is dying. and theres nothing eye can do.
- - -
but eye am a heart-keeper. eye will do my gofer-best to keep her healthy so she can-have wild-sex.
:::cleve.(we-foots) i dreamed of the secure-feeling of maydens-foot resting in the curvitaure of my-own foot. what a restful thot it is. two-together.
:::touch.(what-parts) we have 'known' eachother long-enuff to know what-parts stimulate our mate the fastest. eye just touch them...
:::next(blow-level) when i reeely got her going... and mountain-peek is neering. she lets me know she is about to explode! so eye kiss her on the lips and rubb even harder.
while she is as at-the-top... (.throbbing-like-crazy.) eye keep looking into her eyes while she gives me her heart. and then when she feels helpless and shivers and orgasms cover her eye kiss her to catch the beautiful spirit she is giving-up during her pass-down-the-mountain.
(.i love her.)
:::always.(soul-kiss)
...always.?
i forget this part of the dream. eye look into maydn's eyes and... every-time eye think-of-her. i hear the soft pleasant sounds.. ...of 'always.'
:::Always:::
eye will always love this girl. eye will always lust for her. always adore her words. always want her affection. always keep her heart. always give her my acceptance. always love my silly-filly. always my gorgeous gofer-girl. always make peace with you.
:::seed.(die-new) i almost forget this part of the dream too.
somthing about commitment. when a seed 'die's in the ground. it sprouts and begins a new-life.
they say it died...cuz if you pull it-out of the ground. put-it back in the box...and re-plant it next week... it wont do anything...cuz its not-a-seed anymore.
thats why 'dating' dosnt work. you cant 'plant' a life with one-girl, then pull-it-out, go looking for a week...and then plant your heart with another girl...thats not life. you mite live...but your heart wont work nor grow a happy home.
i want maydn to stay with me... cuz the-leaves are coming-out. we have 'dormant' seasons... but sooner-or-later...kids!.. and...with patients..new-seeds! hearts that are 'ready' to do heart-keeping.... not heart-hurting.divorcing. destroying.
i guess i shood-have typed this dream the-day it came...
but eye-did-my-best for the-queen of hearts
...i say 'Queen'
cuz she will be re-flecting gods-love into little-hearts.and nuts.and into every-little-stitch.
like a big 'Leaf-eey' Tree. maydns leaves and roots will give beautiful comforts to every creature in the woods.
this is maydn... and this is my bride.
and to be-kind to her... for when we water-a-plant we are actually watering ourselves.
so the tribal-leader died... like-a-king in the Bible. full of days,wealth.riches. and honour.
Because He had Mayden.!
and did not let her go.
-x-x-o-
-
-no end-
-
..(.next comment.)
(.Day-two.)
time to show her eye listen.
.position.topic.2gthr.
start:
..i know: we both prefer sex-positons related to our-own experience... there is so much more!
but you like 'missionary' and eye like 'foots-eez'
in = heart. we enjoy it. in - realness. we woodnt. wood we..?
(.more.)
..i know: topics grow more intimate and less tribal.
please-understand but-you-are-a-part-of-me i have wanted to 'know' for-so-long...
eye cant treat-you like a-ret. cuz you pet-me to much. and eye woodnt let you stop anyway. 2008.
(.more.)
..i know: you want me to come to you and take you home...for good. we-want eachother. thats enuff. ...um...sometimez.
(.more.)
..i know: you like angry-abusive guys. but i have never fot-with my-sister...we-did quarrel one-time...when we were tiny.
eye had her pinned-to a corner. and she let-out a pitiful-cry eye never-forgot...we were friends ever-after...
we never talked harshlee again. brother-and-sister...were quiet. together.forever.
(.more.)
with all this input of your-own likes and dis-likes eye can begin to type you a proper-short dream. but excuse my-own weaknesses and preferences that re-show often.
(.more.)
thanks for the 'package' yes eye-like questions...i want to please you. you wont anger me. i will choke for an answer...but i still feel you want more than the answers...you want 2'converse'
a girl reaches for somthing neither eye nor she has words for... so just do it maydn...be bold... be shy...be'have'ing me. to play with.
im so sorry guys dont 'relate' you want them to feel for you... and enjoy you...and the goal gets scrambled by mixed-signals...
just love maydn!...teach your boy to respond-back...when you stumble on somthing good..(.101ways to have fun.) tell him it pleases you and he will keep doing it even if he dosnt see the 'point' and you cant explain-it yourself...
(.more.) here are some thots eye have 'heard' but cant-find words for yet:
note:assumptions are dangerous.! girls especialy 'suppose' things. without finding-out if its true. we use the same 'words' but for completly different reasons...
he can say he 'likes' her...but she did not ask...in what way...
girls need to 'ask'..and not 'suppose'. i think gender108.txt notes this.
(.more.)
..i know: i have bin 'gushing' long love-words to you since 1-08 now its 12-08...and your heart says '.more. honey. more.'...oh! brother!
(.more.)
Thanks so-much sso-soo.so.much for your love-lee letters.
.eye like the 'hold your breasts firm-lee'part... i dont WANT to 'like' it.. .i meen as a man... eye keep-going back to those words for comfort.. your-bosom warms me... somthing in me is naturaly-pulled to...to..um..well.. (.goat-milk.)
(.sigh.) your man can lay-down at night and get-cozy with your affections and love letters. to make my heart-lights burn brite.
and iam so happy to fall into deep-emotional-sex-love with a grime-ee peasant-girl.
cuz her muddy-smile re-minds me that eye have fallen mad-lee in-love with a woman who has a beautiful and gental touch.
...more royal in her breast and more queen in her heart than many-a-lady of any kings courts.
- - -
she is a kings treasure. cuz she is beautiful where most women are not...in her heart.
(.next comment.)
O.k...i promised a passionate story based on what eye now-know of maydn and this whole girl-boy problem.
It goes like this:
...ooops....to-tired. i bin 'typing' all night! you said 'how was your holiday' i said 'good' but now you know the truth...it was full of -YOU- and you 'deserved' it...all eye cood possibly strive to find and keep of you...for you.
(.see im going-mad thinking of you.) im not red-ee for this 'mating' stuff but i circled like a shark so well eye hope eye-sore some things you love berry berry much.
...i still got this pretty-picture of you in my mind...very-pleasant... very-nice...trying to make-love... but not knowing where to grab nor how to hold on...so we just... giggled all our frustrations out. so happy to just be'having' eachother.
mayden you are my 2008 endless joy.
-
(.more.)
eye must finish typing what eye found in your package over at mydn1208.txt
did you notice love1208.txt is -NOT- lovd1208.txt ???
your phone call has started a new post: youb1208.txt
and this is the end of dfun1208.txt
so im doing 3-letters to you at a time.
cuz your wonderful-news..to me!.
eye want to hold you. and tell you eye adore my goose. eye love her for all that she is and she does me...o wow! i just want to faint when i think of love. and how badlee it needs a place. for it to 2009-grow.
maydn eye love you so.
-end-
..p.s. your supposed to feel for certain muscles in the bag when you milk the goat..and then 'straddle' it till mayden is shimmering and shaking and going-cross-eyed with the intimate pleasures of being fur-tile...nourishing... and gofer-gorgeous.
uhh...but eye wont ask questions till she gives me my nuts back.
-love-
-
sorry maydn...i tried to add anger and ruff-stuff... eye cant...
sole1208.txt - - - - v12-29-08 out of new girl-input grew new-dreams.
paw-zd at 'paused'
deerest maydn! you dont know how nerve-shocking...
it is to be typing embarassing fantasies of -YOU- and then have you phone... at the same time! ...uuh.. its very...um.. emotional...
(.droma---atic.) (.romanci-tizing.) (.kissis.)
begin: foot.srjry.rspct.rgrt.sole.
Silent Night!
-
-
HOly Night.
-
...all is calm...all is brite.
-
Her man lays beside her... tell-ing all his dreams. soak-ing-up! her soul-wishes. the xfers of man and woman. are done in silent tonight.
For He us fast-asleep. He us curled-up around her like a cat protecting All 'his' kittens.
Mayden hurself is curled-up under his-arm.. proping hurself up on one elbow to=gaze at stars and moon in sweet honey-house
windows.
- -
Hur eyes and heart ret-urn to her mate...he makes soft and 'anoing' pur-pur-pur sounds.
..His fingers are laced-tite-lee to hur toes on one foot. ..even in sleep..he re-fuzes to let-go-of Her 'pRrr-ritty-niss'
(.more.)
His breath is cool-moist on her-breasts...and steem-eey. His tale is constantly-Erect... and throbbing.
:::She likes him kept that way:::
it meens he is 'wanting' her. die-ing for Her... hurting inside for her... He-is-full of handsome-ness and handsome-dreams..(.eyes.)
(.wonder.)
this may cum from his balls. ...from an ancient hi-story. (.where else do? passions.begin) it tells him to stay-Erect for her. .stay-dreaming.stay-writing. .stay-with this mayden-girl.
...and he does!..writing-down what '.hump-y-ness.' says to him. but 'where' does it cum from? how-old 'are' these feelings? why is it -Strong- now?
Always writing. type-ing them to her. when it is time to 'awake-passions.' ...
is this 'love' or 'in-love'
...???...
- - -
(.next comment.)
:::RELATIONSHIPS:::
A Male Must 'safely' Pass 'intenSive' heart-surge-ery. to get 'this-close' to a woman. Hours and Hours of bleeding to death for her...and gushing.
followed by 'Exposure' of His heart-parts after the 'cutting'
- -
LAter...a-better understanding of what-a-woman-wants.develops. (.and.wow!.what.a.woman.)
(.more.)
As Her-Mate pur+pur+purs into her bosom...she...starts to wonder how his 'operation' is coming...
She takes his Big-Hand and 'laces' his fingers with hers. then she kisses them all... and holds them to her heart so He can feel the-bee-ts and so she can enjoy his pulse.
.yes.. he is-asleep... and she knows it..
...but all this data inside her will xfer to his heart and nut-sack.better -NOW-... than when he's awake. (.cuz guys got thick heads.?)
its best to'converse'men when they are not logical in-mood. see gndr108.txt for-how-cum: they will listen and relate. .no advice.no fixes.just empathy.
do-not 'teach'.them...if you do.. use questions...not accusations.
(.more:next.)
She Wonders..will th-Boy inside him 'Survive' all heart-changes.? if so..will he 'chooz' to be 'bitter'...or bee 'HAppier'?
(.more.)
She has nothing but th-Hi-est 'Respect'(.like-a-king.) for this man. who is willing to:
..'curb' his fantasies. ..change his hopes. ..looze his life. ..set new-goals.
just to 'BEE' with her.(.knit.)
::::Commitment:::: all re-grets.. and 'expectations' must be silenced.
Now she holds his Hand even 'tite-r' as she ponders all his heart-problems.
In total-Awe of His willing-ness to stay-with-her. even at its 'liver-Worst.'
Thank-Ful-to-Tears for this man. ...Her tear-drops Fall on his fingers-pressed to her heart.
they quickly absorbed and go into his-body and nut-sack... becuming a-Real-part of.him and of-a-story they 'BOTH' are write-ing for children! ...their future..in'nuts'.
(.wow.zerz!)
All-she-wants now is to Soul-Mate. with this Man. She tries to do-it Every-way she can...by great-sex.. love-lea books..long-walks.. garden-talks...kids..foods...fun.
Each Event re-nudes the bond.... Each time she 'smiles'..types..and touches-him...a new part of the story is written...untill his heart-tugs for her become... so strong..hu.
his 'soul'begins to 'search' for her..as.a.woods-man woo-z for his Maker. His 'Soul' (.mind.will.emotions.) begins to 'Reach'-to-Her.
:::for'who'she is.???:::
(.More.)
Maydn ponders all this...(.sigh.). as Her mate continues... to Put-Put-putrr at her tummy-muscles.that..now are moving deeply for him...uh...uh...hhhu...
she moans...she 'coos'like a dove... she wants to 'Have' emotional-Sex with him..(.and she is.)..in her heart. and she wants it with his soul.
note: change the genders around..?
(.giggle.) if you re-verse gender and put the girl to sleep...'HE' wood want emotional-Sex...with her 'S.O.L.E.' (.please excuse the funny-ness of that. this story is-way-2-serious.romantic.) its just a thot..at another view-point.
(.message continues:)
(.more.)
The moon-light is deep...her passions are 'Steep'...cold-nite air makes 'parts' chill and her heart-beat 'WARms' with strong-lusts for him...
she wants his heart... and she 'begs' to have it... she Reaches for his testicles... her Heart just 'Swarming' with lusts. bzzz zzz zzzzzz.! (.sting.sting.) (.burp.)
(.more.)
But things get Bigger! when its dark. she feels round-him till she cawt... somthing like 2big-apples...in a bag..
..hu...wait..This cant be true.?. she feels round-him to find.if.. it tis-her-Man...it-tis!..and not her Steed...its true..and his shaft is guy-normous-too....like a horse.
(.yum.yum.) can she Hand-L this. ?!
(.more.)
mayden seems to know a way of 'pumping-his-member' to such an ALARM-ing-size that not-even-she is able to 'contain it'...uh, but we wont get into that...
she slides across his tummy to play with his 'Nuggets' while he is asleep. feel-ing and feed-ing his soul with her fingers and adding her tender-touches...without worry-of him biting-her.
gazing at the family-jewels. wondering what heart-aykz it must 'bee' to carry-those always and un-protected.
trying her best to add her own feelings and dreams to the 'family-treasures'... her-own worth and happiness to the 'inheritance of dreams' he keeps 'Garded' below his loins and between his sexy thighs.
they are just hang-ing there like christmas ornaments on a tree.
they seem to magick-le-ey absorb everything about her. and everything she does. as if they are...for a moment. compleet-ly-hers.!.
she makes them glitter.shine. twitch and slide between her hands and toes. feeling like...
::.Finger-Jello.:::
they jiggle and 'bob' and she 'flicks' them around. and gazes at them...they seem...
filled with the 'mysterious-taints' of his-elders long-ago...yet able to hold her-own-passions and past. and plant them into the nuts of her future children and grandchildren.
muh!...my-word...
what a strange and wonderful thing a nut-sack is...she cant believe He likes-her-enuff to let-Her flick-and-kick-his balls around.all the time.
but such-is love...deep-love. and good fabulous-sex with a girl-mate who refuses to be shallow with him...
puLLing him into his destiny. and mating-with-him to join his future.
- - -
she kisses him on the-chest so 'scented' as a sandy-sea. so 'needy-dry-he-is' for her love that his heart 'absorbes' the kisses of the maydn-lea.
(.more.)
The Hand laced with her-own and pressed to her heart she-moves-now affectionatly down to her thighs...sliding and gliding his ruff-hands across her smooth skin...
to a part of her with many folds of skin. as if his touch wood teach-him to 'hear' things words cannot say...
this area between her legs became soooh!-aroused and warm and wet... that she had to move-him to another part. ..under her breast. pausing as she went...to let her new... instructions silently enter his heart...
she was a marvalous 'Tutor' for him... telling his hands and heart what to feel for...what to do...and then... letting the records seep permanently into him...as part of his...story..
(.more.)
she frequently planted kissis which seep into his heart, absorbed by him as tho by the thirsty-dry-ground. ahhh...she wood coo to herself... he had a wonderful earth-ee clay smell. spicy...salty...and ruff as sand-dunes.
she knew each touch of her tougue and her beautiful lips-kiss. tingled-him and charged-him-up...
...and wood one-day burst-him... breaking his heart with new... Lion-Like passions for her... for she was planting love today... to enjoy the'passions'of her man tommorrow...
...But alas! ...the brushing and touching of her Cold-Breast to His Hot-Body woke him... and her loving tender time of quiet instructions-...vanished.
He was awake and as 'Bull-headed' as ever!...muttering somthing about dead-trees and wild-goats... (.burp.)
he paused... to diegest and enjoy the wonderful feelings maydn had planted in his
..heart...
(.more.)
WHEN convinced he had found :::a New sURGE!::: he passionately reached for his fair...fine 'Filly'. (.his.sweet-heart.darling.).
He began 'Ride-ing' Her with deep and strong desires... lusts...excitements... She wood need to grip the bed tite-lee for fear of being 'Buck-ed'off or 'Thrown' from the sheets.!
She 'Fully' understood 'why' he may-NOW-be in a 'very' play-ful Mood... ..(.giggle.giggle.) ...uh...oof!....uh!..maybe...uh! maybe..a-little 'TOO' playful..? .(.boing!...boing.!..BUMP!.)
she didnt want to be-the-one with the 'bruises'...and maydn knew just how to 'kick' him in the nuts to calm him down a little.
it always worked well.for her.
..um...but...one time she kicked him a little-bit...'to-HARD'... and Her-Lion let out a horrible rrh-ROoarrrRh! and he was wimpering soarish like a little-puppy with a 'broken' leg all next morning.
It also made him go-cross-eyed for a while and He wood-nut go -'Near'- maydn.at all(.no-way!.)
Maydn had to talk-sweet.to him. throw her hair...and contort her body to draw-him again and win his 'confidences' back.
'woo'ing him and 'attrac-ting' him...to-herself....softly.
(.more.)
In only a week... they were truly-intemate again. her-Lover in Her Lap 'Bosom'... Purrring Loud-lee Like a Big-Cat ...happy and content once-more.
(.sigh.)
She promised with 'special' looks in her eyes that she wood be more care=full. And Mr.Wiskers 'Loved' her deeeeply...ever after.
(.dispite her giddy-giggles.)
And won Her Heart...over and over with long-walks..long-talks... cool-nights...out in the fields.. deep in the woods...trips to town. adventures under the oaks.(sheets) and Hikes across the mountain.(peeks) singing gods happy songs... wispering sweet-words... and letting the flowers and birds... send their special-greetings... .. . ::::.to my-Lion and Me.::::
.(burp).
-end of tail-
-
arrrgh! Im very 'cross' and the tail was 'short' cuz Her hanging Cold-Breasts woke him.
(.more.)
- here is a hymn eye found in a church hymn-book:
O Love, How Deep, How Broad
Attr.to Thomas a Kempis (1380-1471) Tr.by Benjamin Webb (1820-1885) alt.
O love, how deep, how broad, how high, Beyond all thot and fantasy, that God the son of God shood take our mortal form for mortals sake.
For us baptized, for us He bore His holy-fast and hungered sore. For us Temptation sharp he knew. For us the tempter Overthrew.
...
deer maydn! many..many things were 'ending' the day eye found that hymn. the world eye knew wood be no more.
the last words of a wise man to survivors left-behind was this:
in 2009...place Christ..above All. lift him up...talk all-about him.. what the scriptures say of him. share him 'each-day' with people.
read-him sing-him learn-him find-him. who he realy-is...seek first him... and all else will make sense.
in these troubled-times he spoke of.
and plant what makes you happy. in other people...so it can grow.
no more 2008.! what we planted then will come up now.
b-b4-1-08
- - - -
(.next comments.) (.day two.)
- - - out of order??? note: the man did not talk-much in your fantasy.... girls like-it when the man is tal-king 'and' having-sex... eg.your-beutiful. eg.eye-like it here with you. eg.flatter-her with a phraze after the peek ends.
it may help maydn to 'get-off' if you remind her that 'HER'man is talking! he is the 'one' who typed this lucious tale.
.but maybe that-part dont excite her...(sigh)..im-searching for somthing to please-her...
and maybe my searching is..what turns-her-on...more-than... ANYTHING.else.!..uh..i meen...
'his-love'...and
..um...not 'his-words'.
- - -
(.next comments.)
here are clips of things going on between-us at the-time this post was typed...
::.phone.call.sun.12-28-08.::
sorry-you didnt like the Tape. there was a possibility you wood not like it.
Everything we do.say.think. is being re-corded!
if you were upset at the tape. what-will-you-say when your life.? is re-viewed.. (.first-tape..to-last.tape.)
people can-not'see'any danger... untill they hear-them-selves on tape...and by then..its to late. (.so eye sent that to you.)
just as when eye fall-in-love with you. eye see my heart-parts..it upsets me. ...cuz eye can see myself. in-heart.
chick.com\'this was your life'...
so.Rule-number-one: #1: .think before deceasing.! (.maybe you wont...)
not-much 'keeps' us alive. one-breath. one heart-beat..
that-tape reminds me that all-life is recorded.
and there is a possiblility nations will-not-like what they hear...
Nor the God who will judge them.
-end-
(.next comment.)
my need to love and be loved.
atleeest you liked the little pocket-book: TRUE LOVE. by Daphne Rose Kingma. catagory:psychology/Self Help
note: 'pshyco'
is a word-disguise.
we use it to sale 'acceptance'. (.it.adds authority-value.) to her book.
where-else wood you catagory? a mooshy-gooshy book about love. ...um...? catagory:veternarians/cat-care?
its content is far from 'pshyco' let me type-here the cover-info:
TRUE-LOVE: How To Make Your Relationship Sweeter, Deeper And More Passionate.
back-cover: In each of us there is a tremendous longing for love. The love we desire is not only the eUphoric feelings of a new romance, but also the ineffable consolation of being deeply known, recieved, and cared for, the profound security of spirit that comes from being deeply connected to another human being.
"But sustaining true love is difficult. All to often the loves we fall into disappoint us.... We want to enhance and deepen the bonds between us but we dont know how."
A course for encouraging the skills of loving. book:TRUE-LOVE offers more than 60 inspiring and illuminating suggestions to help you expand the psychological, emotional, and spiritual possib- ilities of your own True Love.
-by Conari Press.
isbn 0-943233-13-5
note: eUphoric eye like that word... it meens the victim is 'convinced' things are improving. when reely its getting worse.
-end-
(.next comment.) (.other topic..story-time.)
Im glad george-washington-carver got his-own-pet-horse...for keeps. but another wave-of bandits came and... -
(.sounds familiar.)
(.next comment.)
phone-call 12-28-08.(.sigh.) That was our-first 'daylight' conversing-sensation. Ever! im just 'so' in-love rite now it hurts to 'type'...
the giggles of my fine-fillys.
(.more.)
the honey-house is a different place at mid-day... and sounds of clutter tell me its time for scrubbing and cleaning.
(.burp.)
I think the buzz-word of 2009 will be.. ::::Localize::::: foods.friends.jobs. and the word 'patience' localhavest.org heirloom seed-saver catalogs
(.more.)
::::our talks together::::
...(.sigh.)
eye thank-you 'for.that.time.' and at dawn 'parts' we 'spoke' sink-inside me and excite-me so terribly eye cant control-it. the emotions...the dreams!
eye shood start a book of things eye want...to-hear. but wood never 'ask' for...
super-personal thots: eye like 'the-words' eye use to get-myself-off in bed...
to-bad my fantasies are limited to the-range of my-own feelers. maydn cood add soooh-much more.
..why?...
cuz her 'feelers' cover experiences.emotions.and words.. eye may not have...so strongly. (.its not being fed.) we help each-other 'deeply'.
example: her letter.says: * At this point in my life... " i'd like to live as if only love mattered, as if redemption was in sight, As if the search to live honestly is all that anyone needs, No matter if you find it."
my response: eye did not'plan' to read book:TRUE-LOVE. it just 'happened' so we helpd each-other 'deeply'.
there was over sixty-parts. and by blind-chance she 'picked' the part eye wanted to read-to her: Love Has Seasons.
(.more.)
Later eye tried to get-her to play the game and poem eye had typed for her picture. see:::lion1208.txt:::
...she did not do it. ...she did better than 'eye' wood have. ...and....eye love her for that.
she has no 'feelings' for a queen. cuz she is one.!. she dosnt 'need' one. so she cant 'imagine' the pains a boys-heart must have for one. its very earth-shattering.
but if my queen wishes... (.and if she is reeding this.) she can change the word 'Queen' to another 'WORD' that meens alot-alot-alot....to her.
and then we can 'try' the poem again.
...passions grow when watered. .and.lovers can customize-things to fit a 'lust' or a 'need'. (.his..or,...hers.)
(.burp.)
And by night-time eye was going absolute-lee 'Bokers' for this girl.
to get-myself to 'peek' eye think words that do-it for me. short thots cum to me:
she.(.fantasy girl.) says to me: When gofers are bad... i bag them and bonk them on the head.
but when you are bad. eye will bag your balls in my socks and tie them tite to your shaft with my panties...(.boing.!.)
and bonk them on the head till your eyes are dripping and cumming wild-lee.
we will have a pin-yatah party with your balls... striking them... till the candy falls out.
-end-
.woof!...strange things guys like. the 'words' are correct...but.. wood they want that for REAL-ee? ...such words just get them excited.. (.terribly excited.)
im glad girls dont 'have' that problem. ...but get cawt with guys who do... and want it.bad.
(.more.)
personaly eye have enjoyed what mayden is doing to me... yes i know.the True-Love book says 'Your Sweet Heart is not YOU' (.see chapters at lion1208.)
and eye try to 'feel' for maydn! step into her emotions with her. (.which is my duty.) having re-gret that maybe she is getting very-little out of me.
but personaly...as a guy...i am having the ride of my life! it has bin heart-breaking and completely rich and satisfying.
she has no idea how intimate eye have becum with her... watching my soul sink into the passions of her own heart. and melt.
letting her mate-with me by the words she uses... and then having. ::deep and unprotected:: 'emotional-sex'.(.one-word.) with her...
a bonding with 'the-other' gender. that eye will never forget. allowing her to flood me with her-own feelings and emotions.
and twisting my heart in and out of her own until they are 'knit'
and using my sex-drives as needed. to get her soul-longings..messages that she has always had...into me.
so that...as time begins to close-off my sexual-passions. eye will be left with a heart filled with what-ever maydn was able to breath-into me...
do you understand my fate?
eye invision... an older-male... 40-45...past his prime..not nearlee as handsome as he was...nor anymore 'consumed'with 'fire!full'passions. (.and typing endlesslee to a girl.)
but still able-to please a woman of the-same-age. but with less feeling on... 'his-parts.'
(.burp.)
But eye do for-see a 'happy' older man. ::::with a 'Big' Heart.::::
:::RICH and FULL:::
Rich from a 2008 boy-girl study... and FULL of deep Love-building blocks that couples must search-for. but few find...eg..how2love your mate.
...as eye told you earlier maydn ...you have done things to me.. that will one day make me... a deeply 'passionate' man...
and you maydn? cawt my goods at the appointed time...when eye so wanted to mate with somthing eye did not have words for...now have words for.
Thank-You Maydn.(heart-throbbing.) for giving me the words to read... and then making-me feel-it in Bed... so that eye understand 'completly'
what you have tawt me ---> love. packed in so much my heart got Big!... packed for the future.of..hard-times. when things will get confusing... why shood my secret-passions be confuzing too? not anymore!
your heart-tugs give meening! to words...meenings eye can feel. and remember you by...forever.
example:
this part of your letter: (.read it at mydn1208.txt.)
Watch-out for your scaly-neck. because i am going to 'lick' and... nibble-bite..(.nicely.) and Kiss!.. until you breeathe 'fire.'
OH! my WOrd! ..I can nearly 'FEEL' you in my hands...uhuhuh..
-end of quote-
Thank-you maydn for giving me that 'Fire'...feelings for you. in a way that it wood not kill me. nor indanger you. but make me better.
a dragon with a kind-heart. tender and touched..by a beautiful maydn.
Even as an Old-man. in those days when 'th-father' heart-part will be stronger...eye can read at night-time the magical words of mayden 2008.
and enjoy that :::'Fire'.::: cuz eye survived it. with her in my heart.
(.more.)
note this:
words allowed today. pre-pair (.im-pare?.) tommorrow.
and Today is the result of words allowed yesterday.
- - -
2009 will be the Results of passions planted 2008.
and 2008 was permitted to be so heart-throbbing.
cuz of soul-longings we had when we were kids.
- - -
maybe thats why eye love maydn most of all... she is my heart-throb.
How interesting it is that two deeply engaged friends cood not help but to speak messages in tongues. A deeper attraction of not only mind and spirit but an almost uncontrollable wanting for agreement and friendship between bodies. Oh man, the things I want to do to/for him. That is why 'he' doesn't speak much in my fantasy...because I want 'him' to surprise me. without me telling him. (yes a bit-o fantasy) "he just instinctually knows what i want and he knows it." i will try to be more direct about my wants and needs instead of hoping you to read my mind. allthough often you are right on-it. oh good, very very Good. i heart you my-Love.
--oh yes, 'she' can post now...for some Godly-reason. ? mayb i earned my priviledges back because i apologized sincerely and i recognized my own insecurities and anger and how/why to be more patient and reasonable. and not to scream my head off just because i am a little hurt. better to be wounded than to lose my head completely.
you wanted to TRY it.? now the attractive-pull is curl-ing you up around-her like beans on-a-pole....
she likes your shady green-leaves...but it pulls you tite-lee to her heart!.
do 'not' do-this. you are 'mate-ing'
you like her so-much you do not see it. sorrows caused to 'beings' as bond-ing...continues.
weaving in and out of her and him to make them '.knit.'
- - -
(.next comment.)
its all about heart-keeping!
'serving'her in the temple of her heart...where she allows you to enter... to listen.to...to add-on.
For reT-turn she only asks be-gentle with her he-arT. and with her.heart-parts. bee a bizz-y wait-er in her courts.and in'her'pleasure.
if she says:oH waiter! yes? how may eye serve you..?
she motion-d me to reed true-love book:p.118 topic:Reveal your Fears.
bee-willing to talk about what your afraid of.
common idiotic fears: im scared if-you-go you wont be-back.nor love me. im scared if you talk-all the time you wont listen! im scared if it hurts cuz im afraid it wont get better.
(.more.)
the truth is: Our Fears.refer to some tender-place in us... where we've bin hurt. where we havnt grown. where we're not strong.
...or where we'already-had' our fondest-hopes... smashed to bits!.
no matter how simple ...or..over-welming...
'FEar-s' are those hidden-comments that 'streem-8' from fragile-parts of our hearts.
(.more.)
in re-vealing fears we give our mate access to places we 'neeee-d' nurtured.
and...(.good news.) ...b-cuz of its vulnerable-ness ...it-is also more-able to be loved.!!!
some-other-boy beat me to Her.! but eye cannot find his works...
so eye will post my works! 'Exciting'bitr-sweet-adventures with-in-to maydns heart. and add my own 'differences' too. so boys will 'know' her better.
be more-heart-keeper ...understand her. ...love her...and deeplee...lust. for her.
and treat-girls better...um.
...the-deep-affections :::-true-lee-longed-for.::: in all of us.
cuz what boys want and what boys need is not to clear...(.differences.)
(.next.)
Here'ARE' the 1-7-09 phone-call-Notes: scribbled on paper while she was talking:
book reading:camping and mountain-neering.
beutiful...wow! she wrote me a good-evening heart-wish.
camping:location.tents.tarps. water-proof.pole-arrangement. living-space and ventilation.
time together:9:15 to 10:30
Her Hair is ****-long. and ****-colored romanticly as fairy-tale Repunzel's Haair (.the girl locked in the tower.)
oR...in this case... beautifuly seated she is ..in her tree-house. (sigh) throb..throb..throb.
(ouch!)
Be calm my hart...be calm.
she became a teacher at ****-academy in *****-AZ. infint and toddler-care. certified...under a chch.
Her Good-Evening HART-Wish:
:::with my love::: dear-heart-heart! I Love Your Mind. cherish your <3Hart(.love.)
I Adore Your Spirit. with sssoft 'featherd-Wings' to adoRN your AMAzing! body.
May you-always Find... light beneeth your feet.
May You Always 'knoe' that your beautiful mayden will care for you...
...un-condition-al-lea!
(.end of HART-Wish.)
...and this was said from my heart...even if eye can-not say-it-'to-you' the way eye reelee meen it. cuz eye giggle to much.
(.next comments.)
she continues: parts of my original Xan-blog are parts-of me...tried to picture what kids his age look-at....im not on drugs...
add: i know.you.mayden you have grief.a weak heart-part. and do not want to internalize-it.
the pakage you sent me...had a small article on how writing-out your problems makes them heal... and eye guess it did more...
without your first-blog...eye wood never have met my sweet-heart. my-love-for-life.lust.and-greef. my-soft-side..my-emotional...me.
that part of me that 'wants' to kiss... but dosnt know how...(.yuk.)
she continues: eye liked your blog on vortex-science. and other amazing-stuff.at galeeb.
but the neetest idea: is practicing-to-stay-together. (.streem-eight.or nine?) i think wood be a good idea if....you....want...to marry.
she continues: call your beloved by a special-name:
for me... Queen is better than... grimee-peasant girl. but Maydn is better.
what-ever makes your heart go-crazy-the-most.
For me...your name is... Sir..d.L.Lover-ly Honey-Bear-Bee.
(.becuz it makes me want to kiss you!.)
(.more.) for your future Reference: neck-kiss is permitted. no cheek-kiss. no hugging. no touching. do not kindle his-her 'have-sex' fire. it will burn everyone.! and ruin the fragile.tribe.
my mom saves hair for pin-cooshins and sharpening needle-pins.
birds swoop down and grab long-hairs for nesting materials...from a womans head...
im also very 'green'leprikonish. (.four-leaf clover-problems.)
(.more.)
weather:snow-storm. phone-has choppy-reception.
schools-out 2-weeks for Xmas so ******** is real Rout-ee. i had time to hear your cd-rw (.shood be copied to cd-R.) patch-the-piret songs: topic:godly-heros. title:polcats poison.
she continues: eye have long-***-colored Hair. so eye cant-memorize well. eye have an NIV.study-bible. i will be reeding for the tenth-moon:Ezra-Daniel-Haggai. as-is typed at moon1207.txt and the personal-chapters john3,1st-john3,Romans3.
i 'know' john 3:16 and the lords prayer:Hallowed be. ::::my-hands for gods will::::
add:like a friends-house. besure to visit-often...to remember..his preferences... to secretly..become like him. and stay aware of his wants.
so is Bible-Reading. its His words...to you. you will love... only what you listen to ...for to know-me is to love me.
so be careful what you Hear-t!
and the greatest duty of all: love god with All the hear-t. the first command! and the secound is so-similar: Love your sweet-heart.naybor? un-conditional-ee..
(.next comment.)
(.day three.)
notes typed by::: sir.d.L.Loverly.Honey.Bear.Bee: my personal-intimate concerns. (.that she shood not know.)
is that im 'afeared' to hold my goose.
if eye was with goose-keepers. more i wood be more 'bold.'
yes! ..bite her.(.nicely.) and -Slap- her Rump. to keep her laying.eggs.fast! Hi-product-tivity and passionate.!
those 'things' a man can do to keep a woman terribly hap-py. and helping her feel very-excited.to be a woman.
im upset cuz i-feel my skills are not-good... this keeps-me from loving her 'more' passionately....
feelings say...your not good-enuff. your to-slow. your to-old. your not rich-enuff. your-ugly.
i want to blame my parents for... you know...endless things.
but when i look at her.(.maydn.) i feel...loved.
feelings say...you did good. you got desire-able-billy-teez. your handsome...gentle...patient.
(.sigh.)
she promised me locks of her hair! cuz even the strongest man has a small weak-ness for beauty. her wonderful feminine accents swoosh inside me.
hurting his heart to listen.love. hitting him in his weakness... she begins directions that change him from man-to-mate.
somthing girls wood-die-for.
(.more.)
at story-time eye like order-ly book-reading and sharing... she Reeds-first cuz she knows? her voice makes me very-weak-for-her.
feeling her emotions... eye forget what to say. eye got lists of things to say!//but im.mh! to-blushed.
she says words that make me very dizzy for her.
so she begins to talk her heart-out and all eye do is listen..take it in. soaking-up her tender-heart-parts. she fills me with herself.
eye share my own feelings... not written. cuz she has me love-locked. (.bluR-brained.) so i just say what comes out.
sad-part is eye dont notice. till daze later. my silly-ness.
eye try to stop her. by hurting her heart. ...with things she loves.
...so today (.2009.) eye start note-ing ...things she loves. ...words and things that meen alot.alot.to her.girl-ee heart.
eye write them down... and keep listening for...them.
(.more.)
she is having trouble too.! she warns me she will read what she wanted to say...but will-not be-able to say-it the way she wants to...
plus eye must look-past all the giggles...into her heart.
like the kids bible-songs.cd-rw you need to look-past the silly-ness...to the heart... messages so important!
(.more.)
eye think both hearts want to mate...and yet 'dont' want to. hoping she or me will forget where love grows...and make all this passion and hurt stop!
she found-a-way-around the no-petting Rule.! no touch. no kiss. etc.
by promising to send her hair braided or twisted to make my heart hurt-terribly for her.
carressing and kissing it. the man holds his prize to his chest...so thankful for a beautiful woman to love...
yet he is in-for-so-much :::heart-trouble!:::
her braids are a love-potion poured-out Hot! on his soul. it is very-important that she 'mate' with him this way.
im getting dizzy just typing-it!
we also have bin play-8-ing-out our passions with words instead of deadly-touches.
words eye now accept for 'fear' such passions will never rise again.
its called...'emotional-sex.'
last night she batted her beautiful butter-fly eyes and told me how to kiss....
she even permitted me to try-one on her silky goose-neck.
but eye was so-busy.ink-writing her likes and dis-likes...that eye didnt see when the go-offer passed.me!...(.slow-poke.)
but eye did-note her 'likings' for an 'eskimo'kiss and gave her one before going to bed.
it felt wonderful tiklish-lee, i must do it till eye like it. rubbing-nozes is a new-thing.
and ahhh! of all treasures... eye have a beautiful-prit-tee goose with 'funny-fliprrs' to try it with.
(.wow!..now 'thats' noz-ee.)
(:brite-side:)
maybe-eye am a-slow-poke. but records of how to passionately meet-and-greet her woman-hood .(.and the prit-tee girl inside her.)
wood not bee-here! if eye didnt 'paws' to write them. and then next-day type them.
its my-way of saying... ::::eye dew-deeplee adore:::: the delicate girl of hearts. but yes....i shood have stayed longer. for the kissings.
-.cuz eye love her.-
-no end-
- umhh...her heart-hurts! when eye say... ::::.Eye Love You.::::
eye heard-her 'gasping' for breath a few-times... when eye said 'iloveyou' these last few times.
::eye-Love-You:: meens.... somthing to a girl. that the boy dosnt understand. cuz he always wanted a queen.
he is saying...you are beautiful!.
but the girl never wanted a queen. she longs for a husband-mate-keeper. so when boys say 'Eye-Love-You' it meens...somthing else to a girl... somthing 'He' may not want...
and hurt her by de-fraud-ing her rites to a beautiful-husband... which you were not intending to provide for her.
please be careful!
mayden help me! eye dont want to HURT you...your love is wonderful. eye want you health-ee...so you can be 'having' me and the 'emotions' your inner-girl shood be free to give to a boy without fear of damage....destruction....scars.
(sob)
(sniff.)
(.brite side:) its nice to know... when we are tired of the-tingles...
we can go back to poo-bear-ville. where friends are 'passive.' and differences are 'over-looked.' as do 'Roo' and 'piglet'do. and 'tiger' too...and 'long-ears'
until then... i feel like boy-girl are still at a secret-meadow. playing with wonders of their heart.
the boy pokes a finger into hers ...and she sqeels! ouch....did that hurt...? (.he writes it down.)
the boy also bows to her with his heart-open and she sticks her Hare in and wiggles it till he cries in pain. she says:ouch...did that hurt..?
oh.bother...we are too-curious. about how hearts work...(.burp.)
but eye wanted to know! and so eye come to this place. hope-ing you will always love-me...
my hi-prized-bride. my Li-Lo Lass-eey. my fine-feathered filly. my warm-milk gofer-girls.
- -
and just think! you dont have to type nor write sentimental personals anymore....
in 2009 you can look for cards and poems pre-paired much-better than home-grown.
just cut-and-paste. no more hours wasted typing your-heart-words.
i looked at my diary 2008.. .how many times! do i find these words: another day wasted typing and writing to my sweet-heart.
-Yikes-! eye-will be a better time-waster and heart-keeper this year??? 2009.?
eye-hope-so.
-Yikes-! eye--hope--so!
-no end-
- first and final difference: Men want to LUST HARd! and... Women want to be-Lusted-AT..HARd! if not available... they both will settle for being-loved. feeling-wanted.accepted.visited. and 'be-long-ing.'
it all goes under :::Pet-ting::: so just avoid 'petting' and everything will be Wonderful.. (.im not kidding.)
god only wants the best for hearts. as model-d in the creation-story. where Real-Relationships can grow.
.'petting' can begin when im convinced these 'pets' will have a wonderful place to go.(.a home.) to be themselves...wither they ever get petted oR Not..
example:poo-bear and friends... .a place of solace. not fires...
.that-is what eye want Mayden to have. and..be 'Have'ing.
we WANT hearts to grow. we WANT smiles. we WANT flowers. so we water it. and keep sex-stuff out so it has-room to grow.
um..to-bad eye cant see maydn... that-way...(giggle) she is reeeel Fine!
eye has a Pain-full way of making me 'satisfied.'fast.
passions have a purpose! and eye need to kiss-her-NOW! cuz those passions'die. and swell up again...re-minding me how fragile sexual-love... tribal-love...child-hood love... and friend-ship love.is.
they are un-deserved gifts. and abilities that eye hope eye will hold to the fullest. not mis-used. not un-used.
so many treasures! worring about what-people say? (.politics.) when mysteries of how things works and grow in nature are all around...
my greatest treasure is confidence. that jesu will clean-me and gide-me to balance them ALL in a beautiful-way. to show me my-part(a-part)in them all. he wants me to play...that part.
smoo1-09.txt - - - - v1.11.09 re-actions to new input on understanding women... the Bible's untold clues.
--begin:
Hello.Fair-est.Mayden.
Your silk-ee smooth Smile sends my soul see-zures.
if this is how you choose to'Fite'him...than... He choo-zes to surrender.
and silently swims new sections on-how-to-pleez her.
- -
(.more.)
Oh.!...???
Why are the vines-of-Romance of-lovers hack-d! to pieces! till no-leaves..nor-beauty. can-show??...
heart-broken-and-ashamed.
answer: cuz Masters of the vineyard love great-Big passionate grapes.! and.cutting.things.down... is what makes them -GROW-.
(.more.)
so make the man'Cry'in -Pain- deeply for you...more deeply than.ever..before...so-as to hold more grape-sweetness.
for-the-time-is-rite!
and become the-Lady that holds his BiG-strong-Heart-Beats... :::strongly-Throbb=ing::: and held against your soul.
your husband!...and be pressed to him passionatly as his very own luciously-hi-priced-Bride.
- - - -
notes: these-ARE.the-soothing words that 'cum-new' to me as eye stumble-upon new-books.
dis-covering.somthing.so totaly new. how 'shocking-lee' beautiful my-maiden reeely is...and what a treasure god-designed in-the-heart.
(.more.) EYE wont? post any of 'my' heart-thots...in 2009..and they are few....
just little gushes... to show my re-action to books... and to mayden... and how true-ly happ-py eye am... to be loving someone like you.
- - - -
I-M-N-love with-you.miss.lea. ::::You are my Treasure:::: eye will never forgive you for-Re-mind-ing-me...it.
That 'putty-ing' My-Heart-Clay... into your hands...is where love.Grows!. holding-YOU-and-holding-yours... so-very-firm.
-gentle 'x'
-gentle 'O's
- N-E -
-oops!...none.of.those.
(.sigh.)
yet a Roze is a Roze....
so let-me-at-leest place them on your Noze. like eski-Moze.
-prit-tee-girl-
(kiss)
- - -
wooops! ...if one falls on your neck...um... you can help-me-lip-it-up. were it belongs.
(.burp.)
-just-more-for-you!-
-NE-
- -
(.next comment.)
(.day two.)
1.14.08 maydn calld. time:9to9:30
Book:power of Praying by Stormie Omartian. selections for the young-woman-graduate.
(.for the young woman starting a new journey in life.)
hi-gloss paper...elegant colors on every page. book is no-thicker than your pinky-finger.
any girl who wood put-up with me in 2008 deserves some-kind-of graduation-styled book.
basic format:each page has a thot.then a prayer. then a bible-verse.
its just plain beautiful! its a Bible-study. its done so real to life. it fits maiden so pretty.
cuz we live in a short-subject-world...
i like its style. before and after bed. cuz in-only-a moment you get rich nourishment.
a stronger spirit... with one page a day.
your-man will sense it. coming from your heart and want to mate-with -you.closer.to get it.
please give it to him!
leeve a part of your heart open so he can taste what you taste.
hearts do-try to give what-is put into-them. if you fill-folks with violent-silly-shows.
you get... violent and silly-folks. but a wise woman-man... who can find.?
here is one-page... incase you go looking for such a book: (.oR you make One.)
p.70..a great future: God has a great future planned for you...iknow this cuz he said so.
..1.corinthians 2:9..
::::.thot.::::: Remember God is able... Ephesians 3:20...Stay focused on Him and He will keep you in perfect peace.(despite) as He moves you into it.
::::.prayer.:::: Lord, i put my future in your hands and ask that you wood give me peace about it...not my plans.. your plans...knowing you have given all i need for what is ahead...give me strength to endure.
i reach for your hand today so i can walk into the future You have for me.
::::.Gods Promise.:::: There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. proverbs23:18
end of page.
note: i like how it ends with a bible-promise..cuz then i do that-one verse all day.. .until i have memorized it into my heart.
and not these worthless radio love-songs that make men more-sick as they try to follow the 'suggestive' content. seduced by.'feels-good'music.
incase Maydn wants me to read more of it to her... contents page: 9.being a daughter of god. 21.finding success. 33.understanding his promise. 45.building foundations faith. 57.facing trials. 69.moving toward the future. 81.following gods leed. 93.enjoying gifts all along. 105.receiving inspiration. 117.living the good-life.
memorize the bible-verse say it to a hungry-heart.(me) for next-week.
this book feels similar to book:the purpose driven life. by Rick-Warren.
if other bible-promise-books are in you reech...go get one.
sir Honey-Bear Bee says so. (.burp.)
(.more from phone-call.)
story-time: childhood of famous men: george washington carver moved to Neosho... doubled his cook-stitch abilities...
he cood bake fancy-stuff and copy store-clothing and chrochet it at home... no matter how complex.
now he's moved to Kansas for his Health.
maydns camp-book: is now at bugs.ticks.things that make her cringe.
drawing from his-own story and many husbands whose marriages were dissolving. Ken Nair re-veals:
four male prejuices about women that alienate husbands and wives.
six qualities that endear men to their wives.
five symptoms of an uncared-for wife.
six indicators of unsolved communication problems in marriage.
three major biblical concepts absolutely vital to a successful. marriage.
four calling birds... three french Hens.. two turtle doves.??
and a partridge in a pair-Tree!
- - - -
geee Eye Hope eye can get -ALL- this 'StuFF' to mayden... (.she certain-lee is worth-it.)
our.home.
wood.bee.sooo.prit-tee..if...
(.burp.)
yep...im tak-ing this book home.. to see what happens...
hopefully it will arive...soon. cuz this book is like a basket :::.full.of.jewels..:::
eye can 'see' Mayden in the tree-house.. fingers-full... try-ing it-on...and
'floating'about the house... humming-her-happy-hum's... compleet-lee-satisfied.
what a nice gift.
(.burp.)
eye will send the basket via-de-lio'n...
he can carry-it.. in his mouth....to the Tree. and wait till she comes ...down.
(.next comment.)
foreword-word:
i am glad for this book. i find thots here that will help me be more thutful of my wifes needs. why and how she thinks diffrnt than eye do about so many things.
to live-with and love-her with 'under-standing'... is one of the greatest gifts one cood ever give to a maiden.
this change in a man... and the consequent responses by the wife...can result in alife-changing home...life...
two-gether it can shine to- many-more.who.are.darkened... with-out.lights.
(.more.)
Book contents: ARE-NEVER what-you-think...
but...
i will type it to be fair.
(.begin.)
CONTENTS: forword...v 1.a discovery that changed my...1 2.men who made the commitment..11 3.four male prejudices...24 4.Husbands that wives love to love...47 5.dont tell me IM the key...66 6.How to know if you are the key...78 7.that incomprehensible woman...104 8.How do i measure up.?...123 9.a Lesson on jealousy...143 10. the character issue...154 11. the fine art of listening...167 12.Getting our hearts together...185 13.Im just Weird..(.sex.)..207 14.Impact on Our Relations...222 15.the acid-test of commitment...231
(.end.)
..Wow... thats-the-book. in 15.secounds!
here they are again:
1. one event changed my view. 2. five men win their wifez back. 3. four things prevent men from 'discovering the mind of a woman' 4. six qualties regain love. 5. defensive-men impede progress. 6. ailments of wives men can heal 7. become-sensitive.and read-wives. emotional and mental make-up. 8. how2care.timeline.five symptoms. 9. de-fuze jealousy-time-bombs. 10.man-character is her Big-issue. 11.six signs of communication-error. plus secrets to 'listening' to her. 12.why differnces.how to hear more than just what she is saying. 13. sex-drive.new-attitude.re-newd. 14.stories of changed relations. 15.our patience changes attitudes. our wives are first to notice. becoming more in-tuned to christ. and a match 'truely' made in Heaven.
(.no end.)
(.next comment.) (.Day two.)
thots that come-to-mind were moved to the end of this document.
(.next comment.) Here are the BOLD Headers typed in before eye shrink down to 'do' and 'do-nots.'
::::chapter one::::: A discovery that changed my marriage: A case of collusion. I was imbarrassed. Breakthrough thots. Radical christlikeness needed. This could be dangerous!. No shortcuts.
::::chapter two:::: Men who made the commitment: Why Wives remain skeptical. Former football quarterback. Former Mayor. Divorced and remarried. Impossible to live with. A christian talk-show host. Get where she is.
::::chapter three:::: Four male prejudices. we are expected to examine ourselves. 1.WOmen are impossible to understand. The apostle peter recognized this prejudice. 2.Women are the real problem. Who had the problem?. 3.Women are inferior to men. Prejudice reinforced by biblical interpretation. 4.Men are supposed to be the Boss.
::::chapter four:::: Husbands that wives love to love: A painfully Honest Letter. Personal Transparency wins back the wife. Desirable qualities in a man. 1.he can walk in and out of the house without causing damage. 2.He will open his heart to her. 3.He is sensitive to her and other people. An emotional paradox. 4.He is thotful enuff to remember the things important to her - and is creative and imaginative in doing them. 5.He does things with her - he is inclusive, not exclusive. 6.He believes they really are One. Oneness in disciplining children. Oneness in driving habits. Oneness in making financial decisions. Oneness in including God.
::::chapter five:::: Dont tell me im the key to the problem. Three insights. Responses illustrating the flesh's defensiveness. Lets get Real. Not even the pastors.
::::chapter six:::: How to know if you're the key to the problem: Woman know when their attitude is wrong. Improving marriage not the motivation. Its amazing to watch. Still not catching on. A realistic concept. A wife with unexpected hairloss. A wife with fainting spells. A wife with attitudes of spiritual superiority. A wife who displays a stubborn, strong will. A wife who is considered domineering. A wife who appears to lack confidence in the spirit of god and is unsure of her salvation. A christian wife who has lost interest in christanity. A wife who has lost interest in her personal appearance. A wife who is a poor communicator. A wife who experiences excessive depression. A wife who shows symptoms of emotional instability.
::::chapter seven:::: That mysterious, incomprehensible woman. Problem solving from a male perspective wont do it. His solutions increase the dilima. Getting gods perspective. Discerning my wifes spirit. Woman sensitive to how they are perceived. Problems revealing need for sensitivity. The secret to understanding your wife. Would you like to become sensitive?. The litimus test of sensitivity. Develop a partnership with your wife.
:::(.half-way point of book comes here.)::: pause to celebrate.reflect.apply.it.
::::chapter eight:::: How do i Measure up?. Its a matter of control. Timeline of a marriage with an uncaring husband. Wives attempt to find their own solutions: 1.The no-problems wife. 2.The dying-inside wife. 3.The silent, spiritual wife. 4.The strong-willed wife. 5.The i-guess-im-not-so-bad-off wife. A wife settling for less. Taking all the blame?. Men are accountable.
::::chapter nine:::: A lesson from secretaries-week. Situations that breed jealousy. When teasing wounds a wifes spirit. Jealousy wreaks havoc in family events. The secure wife.
::::chapter ten:::: The character issue. Character on display. A divource court awakening. A wife's insight can increase promotion chances. Men are often blinded to double standards. Men are often blinded to hypocricy. Men are often blinded to shifting responsibilities. Men are often blinded to shifting pressure. Men are often blinded to wive's family needs.
::::chapter eleven:::: The fine art of listening: How partnerships work. Like buisness, like marriage. Listening and retaining. Recognizing our emotions. Indicators of unsolved communication problems: 1.The same arguments resurface. 2.Faults or character-flaws are brot up repetedly. 3.They cannot agree on priorities, including those related to work. 4.They dont agree on how to manage the children. 5.Persistent, offensive personal habits. 6.The sexual relationship is not satisfying. Harmony comes in many forms. A call to peacemaking.
::::chapter twelve:::: Getting our hearts together. A vested interest. A woman's unique ability to think ahead. THe reason behind the request. The reason for all those questions. A matter of visualization. A case of wrong expectations. An honest admission. A matter of seeing into the heart. Attitudes most important. Conveying convictions.
::::chapter thirteen:::: Im just weird. An attitude and desire check. Getting in focus. A higher standard needed. Women do not have a sex drive. The difference is real. The difference in preconceived notions. Increase desire?.
::::chapter fourteen:::: Impact on other relationships. Improced in-law relationship. In the office. In proffesional life. In education.
::::chapter fifteen:::: The acid test of commitment to christlikeness. Life is full of tests. Testing has practicale purposes. Prequalified in the home. Testing for a servant attitude. The test of keeping your wife encouraged. An unbiblical cop-out. Dont give-up to soon. Our goal as husbands. Testimonies about commitment. Why wait?.
about author...
(.next comment.)
.spots-eye-loved-very-much. are listed here:
my-3-point start...p5. if you 'apply' it...p8. head is not heart...p12.
jesu gide...p19. five men....p27. she helps you2god... 2b spirit-sensitive.p38.copy!
women 'want' to forgive. open heart to her...p48. he shared his thots... but not his heart...p53.
(.more.)
parts-i-noticed:
Five men...p11-23 'do-not' end-up like.
Six qualties...p51-65 that make men dear.
nine ladies dancing. eight maids-a-milking. eleven wives are crying...p85-10 11-symptoms... please respond!
book paused at half-way point.
paused...
(.next comment.)
stay with the book move comments to 2nar1-09.txt
book-parts eye pencil-marked will be shortended and typed rite here:
...what meens? the 'marks'?
book-parts typed see nr1.txt wait...i.like keeping it somewhere else...go find nr1.txt
paused
it starts like this:
::::chapter one::::: ::A discovery that changed my marriage: believed that i lovd my wife...her role...make life beneficial to me../..weary ...and redy..my wife was supposed to be there...always/...i thot i was an excellent...inspit of my selfsnes..some thot we...a model.. /i didnt ask..lord.what he thot..ask nancy..so i assumed../..was a pardy of what god..wantd...based on misconceptions passd down.../lord..mercy saw fit to shake me..
::A case of collusion: ..god set out..how i was behaving...built..wall..resulted in collusion...how it happened: /invited me to join.../nancy not excited../got earful from my very distressed wife...she refused to be swayed...
::I was embarrassed: how can my wife emba me like this?...going to make me look bad/ my biz was more important/ didnt occur to me god ...thrw her.../made her resistant./i became more angry...broke threw my anger...hit very startling thots.
::Breakthrough thots:
(.next comment.)
stay with the book move comments to 2nar1-09.txt
- - -
thots that come-to-mind as meer1-09.txt is typed: mind of a woman. in words of a man. see:2nar1-09.txt
thots: the book has so-many examples cuz the 'man' needs to relate. men canot feel their-emotions. so writer tries 'seens' a man can relate to...and hate... and then....see-himself... err.. enuff to-spark-an-emotion. one he can.feel.hold.share.. with his bride forever.
thots: how do women 'know' when your not listening to them? how does a woman 'know' she has your 'full' attention during sex...even when you have not spoken a word...? men are not emotional so women look for spots that make-them emotional.eg.fear. than they try to 'side' with them..step into his fears with him...women arnt strange they are supposed to do that. kind-of like when cops play good-cop-bad-cop...mutt&JEff. to get you to co-op-erate. one sides with you. one wont. both win....you loose. women can reed your attitude. body..spirit..it makes them sensitive to children..among other things.
thots: no one has time to read all this post! write it simple like a child wood...
type it cuz you dont-want 'marital'problems.
Holding a 'girl' is the 'Big'gest event of your life. find what works... and why most are a disaster.
(.next comment.)
capturing 'why' eye typed this allows it to be continued... long-after my own spirits interests.goals.abilities. change... (.yikes.eye hated girls... just 13-moons ago!...)
(.begin.)
Reasons why eye typed meer1-09 (.the spirit of the letter.)
my name is lanai i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce. my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do .he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly. although i didn't believe in all those things… then when he consulted his gods and cast a return and love spell, after 3 days, my husband came back and was pleading. he had realized his mistakes. I just couldn't believe it. .anyways we are back together now and we are happy. in case anyone needs this man, his email address ogadayspellcaster@outlook.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is ogadayspellcaster@outlook.com or call him no this number +2348163974382
my name is lanai i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce. my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do .he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly. although i didn't believe in all those things… then when he consulted his gods and cast a return and love spell, after 3 days, my husband came back and was pleading. he had realized his mistakes. I just couldn't believe it. .anyways we are back together now and we are happy. in case anyone needs this man, his email address ogadayspellcaster@outlook.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is ogadayspellcaster@outlook.com or call him no this number +2348163974382
click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kXosbJSLFk Walt Disney, MTV & Hollywood - Mind Control .. Published on Jan 16, 2013
CULTURE: the controlled cultivation of living material in prepared nutrient media. MEDIA : the element which is the natural habitat of an organism; plural form of the word 'medium'. The word 'media', like 'data', for example, is the plural form of a word borrowed directly from Latin. The singular, 'medium', developed the meaning "an intervening agency, means, or instrument" and was first applied to newspapers two centuries ago. In the 1920s, a decade much similar to ours, and like ours, preceding terrible events, the word 'media' began to appear as a singular collective noun, sometimes with the plural 'medias'.
Protect your kids! From ancient goddesses to Lady Gaga, culture creation is the method of rulers to keep the young disconnected, blind and fighting wars. 'Wash Your Brain' opens the doors to occult rituals in Hollywood, MTV and Disney Studios laying bare the propaganda techniques to help guide our youth out of the spell they're under.
get ready for the rite thing! agenda-21 has bin bass-boosted aliens phsy-ops like aliens-meteors is a gov destraction from the real threat consolidation and control of a one world currency... all roman catholics and pastors are commanded to obey = leave the dollar. ...and turn-in them who do not
...supernatural intervention-resistance is expected...
...click here
September 23, 2015: The World Pandemic begins in America. PREPARE. results: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_XB-qUfbg8
Do you need Personal Loan? Business Cash Loan? Unsecured Loan Fast and Simple Loan? Quick Application Process? Approvals within 24-72 Hours? No Hidden Fees Loan? Funding in less than 1 Week? Get unsecured working capital? Contact Us At : gaincreditloan1@gmail.com Whatsapps +1-(551) 356-3808 (call/WhatsApp)
To anyone out there who thinks love spells don't work, I’m here to tell you that Lord Zakuza love spell is the best and most powerful. I am a wealthy man who has lots of assets and possessions but I have difficulty with women. Whenever I try to settle down with any, we end up breaking up and I had no idea of why I was going through such an experience in my relationship. It was so worrying that I couldn’t be myself anymore and I started searching for help everywhere even at my place of work. I was going through my work activities online and I came across a testimony of a lady called ( Febe Anouk ) regarding how Lord Zakuza helped her to restore her relationship with his love spell, I had to give it a try and I visited Lord Zakuza and I told him everything I was going through. Lord Zakuza consoled and promised to help me out with my situation by preparing a love spell for me. I followed the instructions given by him to me and within 48 hours, my Ex lover came looking for me and pleaded for forgiveness. Since I came in contact with Lord Zakuza, things have changed for good in my life and right now, I am married with two beautiful kids and my home is blessed. All thanks to Lord Zakuza I am forever thankful to you. WhatsApp him on +1 740-573-9483. Try him and your life will be blessed.
Good day to you all.. I'm here to share my experience to everybody all around the world because I know that someone out there needs this today. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and everything was fine with us that we don't have to fight or quarrel for anything . My girlfriend got a new job and after 2 months of her new job, I noticed some changes in her. Few weeks before my birthday, my girlfriend broke up with me for another man. I never expected such from her. I was in severe pain and needed help urgently. I searched for help online and found Lord Zakuza who is a spell caster. I told him everything I was going through and he understood me well. He told me that he will prepare a love spell for me that will get my girlfriend back within 48 hours and he explained to me how it was going to be done and I agreed. He prepared the love spell for me and my girlfriend returned back to me begging me for forgiveness within 48 hours. I was shocked and happy and I accepted her back.. We are back together and everything is going fine. I want to thank Lord Zakuza for his help by sharing this testimony online for other people to find help too in any area of their lives. Get in touch with him with the below details. For he's good at what he does.
99 Comments:
'olngesher' is the name
of a ceremony.
from the MAASAi,
a tribe in tanzania,
africa.
its th day a warrior
officialy becomes an elder.
the book is huge!,
mostly pictures,
so i can understand it...
the people live in mud-domes.
some of th customs
are so jewish
it makes me wonder...
library 967.627 card#79-19232
isbn 0-8109-1303-8
1980 harry n. abrams, inc.
printed and bound in japan
photos by carol beckwith
text by tepilit ole saitoti
thanks for the stuff guys,
i swear ill ret,
in my area.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
new water nfo for ret users at
www.ret-water.blogspot.com,
new key-word for vortex-tube users: vortrap,
use it at google.com
so will this jump up the def-jam charts ?
I dunno. Let's find out... (switchn to overdrive)
-click-
Rollin'... in my 5.0,
With my rag top down so my hair can blow,
The voltage is on standby, costs of icin' too high,
(Did you stop?) No, I just froze, by
Freon - pursuin' temp'rature drop,
Compressor's dead, yo, so I made a move,
George J. Ranque, Hilsch-Ranque vortex in a tube!
Peltier's hot, like electrical bikinis,
And I got no voltage from the Lamborghinis,
Warmin' - cause I'm out thawin' mine,
Got my compressor gauge, readin' PSI "9"
Vaccuum - for the mods on the wall,
Mods are actin' ill because they had their 8 LOLs
Hissin' - through the compressor shell,
I clamped the hose, but it was shot to hell,
Ozone'z - burnin' up like real fast,
Registration link at time-mag suckin' goat ass
Readin' the Wiki, the 'pedia's packed,
Thermodynamics 'bout how the fridge is jacked.
Third law on the scene - you know what I mean,
A million RPM? Efficiency unseen,
If it's a solution, this don't solve it
Pump out the heat while the Hilsch-Ranque revolves it
(Vanilla) Ice Ice Geeky, too cold...
Ice Ice Geeky... Ice Ice Geeky...
[ _Parent_ ]
Making Ice Without Electricity
Posted by _ScuttleMon
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
hey got a comment from you on xanga? im pretty lost...
I went were i could to practice my tribal rites,
that was before Harry came to town.
when i returned, everyone was sucking blood,
and doing spells.
since it is now the relegion of the public schools.
i have decided to back off. go underground.
No one will remember life before Harry Potter.
and i escaped it by going into the RET.
but the rest of you wont know whats going on.
and i dont have time to point to anything but the best things.
things you need.
but because of what happened while i was gone,
and since it is almost October when alot of kids dissappear
and end up on milk cartons and post-office boards.
i will say one thing about it.
The Harry Potter Movment was well Planned. no one will
escape it. Im happy i got one small voice left.
get out of it.
publice education has officialy become the definition of
child abuse.
-
i wont mention the subject again. getting away from the wave
is more important. strange thing is...
i was reading tablets from 4000 years ago, trying to
figure out what the person was thinking when he wrote
all the strange symbols and animal-man figures.
only to find the same thing in the Potter Books and in
witchcraft websites, the connection has been made,
as it was before the flood in Noahs day, so shall it be
in your time. but with fire, instead of water, and no
memory of the internet will ever be. ever after.
-
- www.theharrypottervideo.com
- posted by deudamiff
-
okkkk im lost here!!!!! i dont understand im lildanigirl94 from xanga... xplain this 2 me pleaz!
you have me so fucking confused... i suppose that it could be the whispy fingers of the acid settling into my mind..... what?
reply to john doe:
this is a chat room.
anything goes.
if you come up with somthin good.
maybe deudamiff?
can put with the
x-files.
news:
this guy did excelent water study: randy johnson
http://www.cyber-nook.com/water/Solutions.html
but i still say the black stuff (burnt wood)
crushed and used as a water filter is best cuz
things around town are going to get so crazy when
power downs.
you wont have time to think.
got issues?where is you water-supply?who controls it?� whats in it?ok, lets change the subject.maybe we can chat.
are you tribal ?
whats your part in the group. ?are you going to let friends hang. ?the power went out again,if there is no water,
would they still be you friends?
would they act like friends?
do you choose to wait until this happens?
or be ready when it does.it takes only one.to move many.we dont want to bore you,
just control you.
so what do you want to talk about.?
if they got your water,
you got no say.
�come now,did you really have somthing 'more'important to do today?i'd like to hear about it.for real.
- email me if its hot:
deudamiff@yahoo.com.au
-
Hey thanks for the advice.
Brain- - - lust. Beware! inforgasmania
-
www.ret-water.blogspot.com
next update:
water-makers using desicants.
my conclusion: sand, or crushed quartz or rock.
details posted.
-
water-filter: carbon-black from wood. burnt and starved to death. (cover fire)
-
strange visions of what free-water, secret-water can do.
-
but i wont post that yet.
-
-
hey, you guys.
NEED this Musick on your site.
i just found it,
so google.com these words:
I-Wayne JAH white-dove dub? rasta-man reggae-music
1990's
titles: ?
Jah by my side
hello hary? krishna baby
work for your money
JAH only
i am a family man
- check dis out.
-
Responsibility. Forgiveness?
My briars are dying and their bellies are bloated with "water".
When debauchery needs a monkey wrench i want to be the one who throws it. When They are the only ones left inside the "mainstream" circle....We in the outside must move to widen the stage not shrink it.
"whispy fingers of THE acid settling into my mind..."
--sounds rather fucheristic
--rather Orwellian
--Case Study: Is It "pushing" toward soi-lent-green? no vat i meen? The Norwegians and their neighbors do not seem to mind. Who needs food anymore when centrum has lycopene.
--Case Study: The induceing mechanics of major commercial advertising companies/laboratories(plural-plural-plural) worldwide have been lurking around your heart around the clock. They want you monetarily and not momentarily. They want to induce you into luving them and needing them so that the head no longer need think and the heart may feel the "pure joy" of the induction. Simply, they want your money and they are not willing to be "nice" about it anymore;A1X2I3U4m UM, they have and have developed "DCode" belonging to my internal processor. A databased-Whorehouse of consumeristic tendancies. geared to target demographically and statistically correct Target Marketeers, and of course non-Target shoppers and even the
sweetest of all Mouseketeers... Cum on...Song It with me now...-- PBS121906 (also a commercialsubsidiary)
Fear not, CONSUME WITH INTENTION only! ALL else need not feel applicable...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mount Victory over the Virgin Isles: Fits Right In
(pls accept this in submission - ref. Clash of the Tit-ans)
Tied to a rock-face near the terrifying open ocean, while I wait in horror for the Big Ruff Hairy Masculine Sea-Cyclops to rise and make me soaking wet with salt and fear. If I scream out and ruin the climax he'll eat me for sure. Maybe that's all I want right now, Just get it over with. Devour me you big hairy one-eyed monster.
WAIT! Wait, maybe not yet. Let me suffer and drip hot in anticipation and struggle for a moment more. Oh Gods, I can't stop myself. That fast, hard, wind on my naked body, the waves crashing into my thighs, the people staring at me while I shake and bang my body parts around trying to hold back from screaming and dieing. Ohhh good, here he cums again. Maybe this time I will finally succumb and faint into the churn of fantasy-fiction.
--
(more to come if you say yes I can-i could make some serious work of this, believe you me.)
getn-jizy4u
and forgive.
if i just call you
'maiden.'
grama108.txt - - - - v1-16-08, 6am. letter to the Ret-maiden...
Dear Maiden,
How Are You!...? ..i just.. felt..
i needed.. to write..
you... ?...again.
-
umm...
-
the skys are...
beautiful today and....
(sob).
(choke)...god..
-
this is so... 'hard' for me to TpYE...
...um...
-
...o..k.
um...let me take a deep breath...
fffff....
-
...o..k.(i can do this)
um...i rely dont know you and you
rely dont know me(i hope) but i do got your
profile-picture and im so glad and i
dont know why and it hurts and i
probly will never reed anything about you
cuz you know my connections and time on
the computer are pretty-short, and Lame,
and i can not be on longer and you probly
no why...if you red all the strange
stuff at galeeb
(galeeb is pa-dutch for...'loved')
-
..let me catch my breath..
fffff...lets see...
-
...i hate you...
1.cuz i want to 'do' better and 'do-not'.
2.cuz i want to type to-you and can not find..
the words.
3.cuz i do not say things you 'like'
and i dont know how.
4.cuz i dont reed about you like a
real-person wood.
i just dont 'got-it'....and yet...
-
i-do spend-time with you...'BY'
typing like this.
i did-reed about you..
a little..
i coodnt help it..
it was like..
Rite there in front of me..
i coodnt help it...
i was playing with your
comment-box and...um
(forget it)
-umm
...i think you are not silly.
..so i feel like..
i can type this..
i know its wrong but..
the way the world is going...i just...
(wait.?..need more words...thinking...)
um..
...i just...
'want' to put all
the broken pieces
together...
and make somthing...
for myself...
and leev this world...
a little
better than..
how i found it.
-
right now...
'one' of those pieces is..
-You-...
-
NOpe. i dont 'know' if that is
your profile-picture or not
but i need-it.
maybe if you had changed-it
i wood 'not' have typed all this.
-
but somthing about it 'Stuck'...
so i am bak here again.
-
fffff..
i want to spend
a little-more time
with you
(in my mind)
by typing and typing... to-you
all my non-senses...
'dumping' it on you..
(like you deserve this?)
i just need a 'VENT' for my
'feelings?' (thats the wrong word)
fffff..
...i hate you...
5.cuz: you are not-good
to be-with, you know?,
junk-in, junk-out:
you hang-out with crazy people...
so you 'turn out' crapy yourself...
i dont think cutters
know-what they are doing...
they fill-themselves with
ugly musick
till they enjoy-it.
..and then 'wonder'
why they want to
hurt-themselves more,
i also think maybe they got
'friends'
(medical experts)
pumping them with drugs
(for the money),
and you know 'that-is' a problem..
-
there is just
'too-many' cutters
for this
to be a 'natural'
problem...
and you got
to many 'experts'
trying to make money...
experts get promised
the 'big-bucks' when
they are kids in hi-school.
..and this is what
it drove them to...
probly got hooked
themselves and 'need'
the money..and...um
-
your are probly not
better-off...and
not far be-hind me...
we all do this:
he-is-better than-she,
she-is better than he...
we get picky who we
talk to.. type to...
-
treating people like
they can-not
improve-themselves?,
somehow...
we end up becoming-sim2
the people we spend
the most time with...
good or bad...
-(end of my complaint)
- - Now: i want to Take you somewherz.
come maiden...
-
you can hold my hand if you want,
'Stop' mumbling...
words wont help... zzzzzp!
(next place)
-
well..? um.. Here we are:
see that?
i always wanted
to take you here...
and NOW is my
chance... creeeekk...
walk this way...
-(splat!.)
...yuk..
.what was that..?
-
wait a minute...
.i gota close this thing..
kkeeeerc-slambp!... oooh..we just
entered a horrible place...
this is very popular...
everybody is dying to get in here...
its the old-cemetary...
i picked a dark and
spooky morning..
to bring you here..cuz
its wet and...
all the leaves are gone
...and it is just...more interesting...
-
dont..dont..look over There yet..
i want to take you to the older-sites
first.
(burp)
....god this place gives me the creeps...
-let me show you to your tombs...
umm...
-
there!...you see that?...
Isaac Zook 1830 - 1901...
look. look. at
the one beside it...umm..
Mary Zook 1840 - 192?...
(.cant read it all.)
see what it says under-neath?...
.i can still? reed it... it says..
::::He Loved Her... and She Loved Books...::::
-
uuuh... you know?
i think people were actualy
'thinking' back then.
or maybe that was
sposed to be funny...
but back then...
it was probly true...
-
Look over Here!
...this must be Real-old..
the carvings are different,
nothing is fancy...
its probly
the first people
to come here...
they didnt have anything to give...
but themselves,
but see? how-important they were for
the others who came-later and had
a better life... cuz of these-ones who
came first.
-
you know what maiden...
-
-
you need to be 'the-first'...
i meen...
first for alot of things...
so others can step over...
oR find people that are..
stepping in the right way...
so others can go too.
that is good. not?
-
let me show you what i meen...
walk over Here...
-
(burp) man this place is muddy...
.dosnt anyone care?
-
um...here it is... Look:
Samuel Stoltzfus 1808 - 1846
and umm...
look at the words...
::::Father, Husband, Friend::::
-
um...there is more stones over here...
some with words, some without... anything.
-
i probly will not 'Have' words on Mine...
nobody teeched me how to do any-thing...
and..if you look at what people are doing today...
i am kinda glad they 'did-not' teech me.
you can write on them this:
::::wasters,polluters,destroyers,addicts::::
if its not written on their faces,
it is on their lives.
-
but i 'do-got' some-good
peesez!..to hold on to...
litle bits of
historic examples, etc..
of things i-can still-put
together myself...
its not much..
but it will be beautifull...
nobody will write about it on my stone..
(if i even get a stone)
but i 'can' write it on my life...each day..
a few more strokes...
here a little, there a little,
-
one layer on top of the next...
i can write it on people and hearts....
...like im doing now..and so are you.
-
make..
less-and-less time for 'entertainment'
make..
more-and-more time for real-entertainment:
the 'things' these people on these stones
were doing...
making a 'world' others CA-N 'copy'...
without having to
wonder about 'gas-prices'.
in fact..any-thing..any-age...
any-time bfor-the 1921..oil-boom
is fine with me...
i respect these stones for that...
people were almost...
..'human'..back then...
and still are...
if you can avoid
certain things...
or find them who do...
hey? maybe GREATNESS isnt what you do...
but what you dont!...?
-
you can let go of my hand now...
i think you breaking my fingers off...
-
hey maiden...
???
-
lets go back to the other side...
-
where all the 'modern' graves are...
-
i think we can..
take a short-cut threw here...
ouch!..stupid thorns...you know what maiden?
i think these big old trees is
older than you are!...
-
(ouch!)
- -
-
wow! look at this place...
How come all these shiny new graves
got flowers by them...
and all the better-older examples..
got nothing but bird-poo-pys ?
-
hey... look at this one... it says...
::::Rick Jones 1959 - 1979
words:
Classic Rock and Roll - dude your the best::::
...hhhmmm
i dont get it...
is that a memorial or an advertisement?
...but this person made step-stones too.
steps that others have now...advanced
but his step-stones leed to what...?
??
his songs can-not be different than
what they are today:
molest your nayber,
drink more beer,
kick your dogs butt.
-
no.no.no 'songs' dont say that,
but...
they 'woo-you till..
'you' say it yourself.
and thats...
what they wanted.
-
hmmm...let me guess..
what..'kind' of world
will that make..
in the future...
hmmm...us? maybe?
-
....you think not?
what about the musick i listen too?
the friends i put up with,
my life sounds-like his already,
and more copy-s
of it every day.
-
you touch people
by what you are...
like a 9-to-5 robot...
pre-programed for stupidness...
- -
-
wooo...
i can hear the wind starting to
howl above the trees...!
umm..
lets.
look around a little more and then
get.. out.. of here...
-
-
what-th..
hey! look at this one...
its tilted side-ways on purpose
and there is a plate of..
food on it...
offerings for the dead?...
-
i sense these people
are NOT at all redy to be here
it not like
the graves in the older-sites
seem to be...
its like..
they dont know how to respond...
and they can-not say anything nice...
like...
like....
-
like me.
-
oh maiden..(sob)...
i just wanted to show you
one more thing! (tears)
there is just one thing 'important'
to me in this place...
and i wanted you to see it,
i will put my finger on it
so you will know,
see that...
-
i rub it so you can see how short it is...
its the 'daSH' between the two dates
on this stone...
(sob)
its not much...
but its all I got...
just a 'DAsH' between two dates...
-
i wanted to know...maiden...umm..
what are you doing with your 'Dash' ?
are you writing every day
what you 'want' to remember?
things i want to see. and do..
adding 'steps' so others can..
go too..?
-
follow an older example,
..................every day..
and not-turn from it, no...
not for a moment.
my 'DasH' is almost half-gone...
and im try-ing to be more care-full...
CARE: meenz time, cut-stuff OUT so...
you can-care better.
no i dont step fast..
..im NOT in a hurry...
i enjoy the walks with you..and want
to make peesez work
for them who follow...
and believe me...there is
plenty of peesez,
broken lives
and shattered youth
lay-ing EVERYWHERE...
-
i am afraid to get married cuz:
why make kids if i got plenty of fatherless
kids on the streets already...?
xbox360 can hardly be called a 'parent'
but what are they loosing?...time..
-
Lets get out of this Place...(sob)
-
... creeeekk...
-
yuk..
dont.dont.walk on that...
i didnt see it.
i think i stepped in it.
-
kkeeeerc-slam!...
-
well um....
lets go back to your place...
(click-click) zzzzp!
-
well? what did you think?
it-is better here, not?....
i like computers...
i like tapping on the key-board...
but i can not...um...(never mind)
-
maiden...
-
something about...
'the-Here-After'
-
i dont know what the 'other-side' of
Forever-more looks like...but
you know what...
-
im going to write the Best story
you EVER herd,
somthing simple...
so others can step over,
because of me...
it will not be good or Legal,
but it will be what Son-god wanted for me,
and that is way BETTER... than good.
but then..there is ALOT of
good-things
you can do, to keep-yourself...busy.
-umm..
last year my diary was mostly...
the-weather outside.. and i needed that.
cuz this year...
i will go camping again..and reeely
will press myself..cuz i know-now when
Storms are coming or Heat-waves...
i predicted snow last year to
the very day.
its called c-zns1-08.txt..
i will post it
soon... i hope..
- -
but this year I devote to:
the little boy left alone
on-the-playground...
with no one to play with but
abusive friends and..
strange-drinks and candys.
its a war out there
...poisons,drugs,adds..
friendly-fire all the time.
-
I de-vote the year to him,
to Vengence,
to kids left with nothing to do,
with no Tribe to build,
no place to grow,
no way to see the work
of their own hands...
Love is a Place...
Love is a Choice...
(and other stuff they say it is...)
kids need
somthing that will make them...
completly in-tune with the weather,
Earth, and plants around them...
what creature is not?...
except us...
-
but when i real-ized...
that the 'kid'..
was me...
-
i just...
..
(sob)
i just coodnt do it...
its different
when your doing somthing
for someone else,
and not for yourself...
it feels different...
like when i type this...
-
so im going to do it
for you...maiden..
(sob)
im going to take your
profile-picture with me...
and im going to do it for you.
-
-
-
and why not?...
this stuff wood never type out..
if it wasnt for you..
do you think its easy to
find somthing that 'stuck'
...look how long
this message is!
all cuz i found a face i can
fall on...
it gave me a 'Vent'
(and yes i better close it)
an 'ex-cuse' to try.
..and put 'feelings' into 'words'
and shape a vision and use it
for scar-ing step-stones for the future.
-
not very good 'words', but atleast
i got it
out of my system.
- -
wait...i guess everybody does that
to everybody... bringing out their best,
and their worst...(burp)
....strange that people are that way...
i meen,
why cant i just follow a history?
old examples...plenty of how-to.
and it worked!
and its safe-r than doing whatever
'looks' good today...but... i need a
'living' example to... and i wont find them
... so...im looking you over.
-
i am 'Happy' (wrong word) that
i found you maiden...
i know you did-not meen too...
you know mistakes happen...
-
i like mistakes...i hope i make a few
this year... on purpose.
i must...
and then go and plant more...
-
you know what maiden...
the other-side of 4EvrMore
is a loooong-time..
i wonder..how much..of 'this-side'
makes it to..the..
'other-side'
???
when my heart stops...
i will know... and i hope...
in the endless years..you and
me will... still
be friends...
someway...somehow...
-
so...
who 'needs' a tomb-stone?
umm...
...the people who follow you do.
people with questions..like me...
people who need cemetaries...
to see things more clearly...
not more moving-lies...(movies)
thanks for going with me maiden...
-
(burp)
talk is cheep...
and i paint with words
to hide the weakest heart...(mine)
-
wait...
health and skin and air-to-breeth
is a nice 'gift' too...
but the real treasure... is 'TIME'
it is sooo valuable...worship it?...
-
maybe you can see threw-me
to all my weakness maiden, and past
all my cheep words...
but you 'can not' explain the
most valuable thing of all..
when i sit down and type
all this, to you.
(sheer-and expensive-insanity)-
giving you.. the...best of my...
::::'TimE'::::
and...
cuz its not mine... i spend it very...
very-care-fully...(wrong word again)
-
i dont got enuff of it 'time'
to go-look-for another maiden
...you were just...
there...and i got what i needed.
..somthing to hold on to...
and umm...i dont know what will happen...
i may come back with
qwit-a-tale..
and treasures and..he-he..
MORE-maiden'S!
-
But i have a 'feeling'...
... peoples h-earts..
can-not be changed easy-ly,
it takes a moonth to break a bad habit.
or a good habit.
we all get 'talked' and pushed into
doing things that are...modern?
and the results (as you can see) turn out
...pollution ( heap of garbage)
and they 'like' what they are doing...
so pleez..talk-me into
doing it the 'old' way...
methods that be time-tested,
and True.
-
...but what if.. i meen..
what-if I come back Empty...
or not at all... and?..
so what!...
i 'wanted' a good story...
so..i just go-out there, and make one,
every-day for as long as i got
breath going in and out of me...
-
But... if my little-heart
stops-beating
(pump.pump. splat!)
Maybe.. one of my steps
falls on me...
Or..i get beaten-up
living for a TRibe...
Or..seduced by an offer'
or a new time-waste-r
-
whatever happens... um...
i wait for you
on the other side...
and dont be in a Hurry...
cuz alot of little peesez,
down here..need you.
(i am proof)
-
you know what? i got a..
'Mosaic-Stepping-Stone-Kit'
for xmas...
it meens alot to me (reeely alot...)
you take the broken-pieces of people...
all the good-for-nothings...
(but keep like-minded persons with you)
and then you Mooosh-them into the
soft cement of gods words (the Bible)
and give it time to 'set'
making a beuti-ful..Pattern..
for others to step-on...
step-stones help people get to places..
places you only cood dream-of cuz
there was-no steps-to-it...
till you got here...
till i found you.
-
-
-
first step: i must go-over
those five things i-hate-you for..
and try changing one...
try to say, um... somthing you like.
whu?
i 'think' i did!... ?
but.. i WANT to write
words you-like,
not with words eye-like.
if 'you-want'...
i can get to the point:
-
-
::::I..WuV..
You
..Maiden::::
-
-
fffff...
-
um...thats the 'Old' way.. tried and true,
no pollution too.
but you can E-rase this next part...
-
..actually... you shood Erase
ALL this message...
it is all very Evil, and i am just..
made of dirt and clay..
and eye will
mess-myself up over you
till it hurts...
cuz i need it... i need somthing i can
take with meee...
fffff... o god.. i hate this..
i shoodnot tell you this.
..cuz its...
its not..somthing you
shood know..
but.. i can...
so
-
umm..
...o.k...
fffff...
i will tell you.. now...uuuh.mmmh
maiden... your name...
i meen i call you Maiden cuz
it meenz to me:
it meenz:...
......Grand-Hi-Mistress...
...(.buRp.)
-
but i guess you knew that...
... cuz i lost my Fantasy-girl...
i think she
cut-herself to death...
-
what? i lost a 'bad' example?
thats not the point...
she 'touched' my Ear
somthing she said..Sank into me..
no one ever did that...
and i used-her to get
to 'Now.'
else i wood not even..
try..
-
thats right..
i-am-using-you...
-
its cold .
i know.
but i do it
to Survive...
-
see? I TOLd you!...
i-am horrible.
just a few broken..pieces
of whatever is left,
and i cant help you cuz i...
..i meen im...
im just no good.
-
i use pieces to
get-what-i-want...
every bit i can...
just to get bak to the old ways..
why? cuz They didnt 'have'
these problems...
we got...
why do we want them now?
thats why i do not
Reed your blog-site...
but i w-ill reeed it - if
thats what you wanted...
cuz i dont understand girl-teers..
Teer-drops are good...
if they Leev somthing better...
to walk on...
better,simpler, steps...
-
anyway... You-are 'HER'..now.. the girl in my dreams...
and you dont MIX Fantasy girls with Real Ones...!
(-the real-ones got dis-eases)
One will always Destroy the Other...
-
always.
-
(when ever she pleases.)
...but i 'cant' do that
woooo! no..
not me... i told you im weak-hearted.
(Look at the divorce-rate)
i want to put people-and-places together...
not make 'more' broken-peesez...
-
more problems....
or break the survivors
into smaller-peesez...
to get more money...
till there is no-one
and no-thing left!
that... is were i am...
thats whats happening..
-
i cant ask more...
cuz i cant give more..
and they cant e-ther.
none of us got a-way to love!
we just stand around
waiting for the end.
Robbing each-other with words
to see who will hurt more..
i cant stand it...
stuck with people who
forgot how to live..
no wonder kids dip themselves
into deep-dark deeds,
no one cares...
-
(burop!)
so i am take-ing your profile picture...
and i am going... again...
and again... and over till i get it right.
oR Find a better-way..(that can happen)
-
note: it is historicly-true
that the man tends to take somthing
of the woman
with him
...it is Not a new custom.
and if i fail... guess what!...
winners dont always win...
the-winners are winners cuz..
they tried.
-(burp)
-
-
:::: I..Love..You..Maiden ::::
i will write these simple words
on a stone and take it with me.
i dont think anyone wood guess...
what it relly meenz...
-
-..umm...i am excited and
can-not see with my eyes...
'Love' is different...
it makes me see...
what people with eYes
can-not see...
even if i do-not know...
what woll happen.
- umm..
fffff...
-
um...
you can Erase this now.
-
..yes. i know.. i skim books too...
some people die for their god-ess...
-
i can-not do that..
i-wood get in 'BIG' trouble
for letting you be my god.
-
no.. Maiden...
let the planets go around the 'Son'...
all else will then fall-into place
orbit and spin..
-
so your-daily-spin
will breeth-life
into all
that find you.
-
fffff....
-
-no end-
-
-
-
- P. S.
- I hope you are-Not
Angry at me for typing like-this..
-
some people reely-do 'see-you' for
what you Can-Be...not what you ARE.
-
but you say: 'thats not helpfull...'
oh?... i got all-History on
'My-Side'... when i Loook at you...
its like.. see-ing: all of 'Them'
all at one-time..and...
i probly am...your the part of 'HER'
that made it 'threw' time..
-
and...
i got 'fine' details-they have left..
how they lived,
how they acted..
how they loved...(kissed)
i got examples...
but All You-got is...
'Today'...
-
you can call people today an...
'Example' if you want...
but if you look it up... i think..
'Disaster' wood be a better word.
they are like...
stones i wood not want Me nor any
kids to step on,
-
asking the next-gen to 'live' like
Today wood be cruel.. and..
impossible to do... and it is..
people al-redy are doing evil-things
to 'keep-up' with whatever 'up'is...
a new-one-world order...
the results will be fantastic!
man-kinds biggist Boo-Boo..
i alredy got the 20th century to prove it.
it.. is
a 'stepping-stone' to what will happen
-NEXT-
-
(burp)
um... you know?
everybody can type like this...
if you give them time...
and that is what i will do..
give them a bad-time...
its not hard, i wont live, but it will
be funn!
-
do you think its to hard?
we just had a Black-Out...
no power...
Everybody in town...
was 'forced' to Live Amish for
Three whole Days!
they had to turn the power back on
before people started liking it.
-
do you see? the truth is easy.
the answers are simple.
nature takes the correct
path... and people hate it..
you dont have to fill-out anything
NoR stand in long-lines to get it..
you just breeth it...
and i wuv You...
(.galeeb.)
cross-my-Heart and...
(...)
Hope-ipleezd-You.
-
-
-(new document)
2 days later:
fffff.....
som-thing is wrong.
fffff...
what is this...?
i reeched for -blip-
cuz i knew it had
lots of -blip- in it...
i wanted to fill myself with...
-blip-
-
-
...but..
i cood-not open it...
-
-
i kept thinking about Maiden..
.
and i just reely..
.
i did-not.. want some...
.
Other... girl-s
..BlocK-ing...
.
my thoughts of her...
..
and so...i slowly... put-the-blip-...
..
-
down..
-
???
wooo.
-
that..
never hapnd b4...
-
i looked at this
little white stone...
on my neck...
(.do-not wer stuff
a-round your neck.)
-
it is.. ruff..
jaged.. quartz rock,
very ice-milky looking.
-
it has a smoo-th side...
presst-to-me.
with 4or words on it...
-
-
and now..
...i am thinking...
-
Maybe...
-
girls Can-be useful...
-IF-... used right..
-
.i cant 'proove' .it yet...
...but she just saved Me..
Two-hours of Time-Waste-ed on..
.
-blip-
.
-
- My step-stones for others
will now be...very
different.
-
all that -time-
safe.
from be-ing..... waste-ed on -blip-
-
and i keep record:
November:
total time wasted on -blip-
8-days
December:
total time wasted on -blip-
13-days
January:
total time wasted on -blip-
no-days
(except for Maiden)
-
and remember...2-hours a day
adds-up to...
1-7th of your life.
that meens if you are 21:
3-years of it was -blip-
and is missing...
from the stone.
hmmm...
what coood be lost..
in just three yeers?
3-more-Tribes...
-
things add-up...Maiden
iN-fect me.
change me...
2what i shall be...
-
-no end-
-
more? short-cuts...?
anyone?
-
pause. pause.
think think.
-
yes... i do...
Son-god 'built'
one woman for... one man.
this kind-of...
points... to... Amish-style living...
to make the best? step-stones.
for people to be on.
for any...
survivors who may find them.
-
but cuz things are so bad...
i wood try...
the Massai Tribe in Africa...
they also...
are showing...
resistance to change...
one of few-cultures who do.
and lived to tell it.
-
but the
prophecy says...
EveryOne(net) will
worship the Beast.
-
people buying stuff..
by-cell-phone...
and it wont-be hanging
on their h-Ear.
it will be im-planted...injected?
in2 your fore-head.
the technology...
is here.
-
how can you worship
only one Son-god?
they will starve you?
-
.. iknow they will.
-
but listen to this...
(ssnif)
He 'MAde'
- Heavens,
- Earth,
- the Sea.
..and all that
swims in it...
-
How...
Can i turn-On...
Some-One like-that..?
He-knows how to
'make' seeds for Maiden.
so she can take-care of
her-own...
i see many wild-birds
still-flying to
proove it.
-
thats why i keep-Her
neaR my h-Ear-T...
so i can take-care...
of .'TimE'.
-
leeve...
a better step-stone..
-
and...
one very good step.
-
-
end.
(next document)
Day Three:
this is my-chance
to open myself to
a girl...
iam glad i saw it...
it.took2.days.but...
now i get-it...
that-is what iam doing...
...that-is what iwant.
-
i got no access...
so i got no feelings.
why water it
if it.. wont grow?
-
access opens...
so i float like a carrot..
hoping to get chewed-on...
and not even trying..
cuz nothing was ever
open...before.
no access meens
no mind-of-you.
-
if access opens...
feelings flow
-
and if i hit somthing that stuck!
wow..wee! feelings just
gush-out.
and maybe...
i can put some of it..
into words...
-
why 'words' on everything?
to box-it? so we can forget it?
why words?
i dont even know your name...
i guess you dont 'need' a label..
i have 'given-you' many names...
but they do not have words.
except...'may-den'
i dont know if you are married,
i dont know if you are hurting,
i dont know if you are hurtful.
but this is my fantasy..so...
why words?
did you know:
nothing around you, in you,
noR in this world...is English!
sur-prised? ...and.. fooled.
so...
this is hard...for me...
to -put- into words..
-
its never bin done before..
-
i know cuz none of my..
feelings got words yet....
they come strong now...
like 3 days strong
so im like...wow...what do i say?
i cant hardly catch it...
if i shut-it-off
(no more posting)
the feelings stop...
so...stop!...?
but its to late now..
anyway... this is my one-chance
to play-a-fool.. so..
here it goes:
best as i can word it...
and pleez Re-word it
if you got a better way..
-
wow...this is so...
intimate...(.wrong-word.?.)
-
...mmh.
my diary of 'time-wasted' says...
that: i wood do anything...
for my fantasy-girls.
so...
I just connect -you-
to them...and them to..
camping...Re-Tribing....and..
Yikes!
what a toxic-mix!
to put on a boy...
-
it sounds...
un-controlably delightful..
but what about: my step-stones..?
are they better or worse..
when play-time is over.
-
::::desparate crying for words::::
begins here:
the first 'word' out was:...Mai?den
but the hurt went deeper:
these are the....
feelings (wrong word)
that were FeLT..
from 'touching'..
your profile-picture:
..and listening
to a mans In-sides...
slowly Twisting..
and wondering...
and hurting..
over beautiful things.
-
feelings put into words (so far):
Misstress,
the-servant?,
the-Lion,
the-son-god,
the-brother,
the-boy,
the-father,
the-Ret-man...all yours..
i was going to put this in a stoRy-FoRm
but i cant cuz it gets in-tense...
it had sensitive details..about boys..
or atleast..'this one'....and i
dont pleez-peeps...so..
i will just list them...
...maybe po-eticly ...if i can.
and so..
here it begins:
A Tale: of feelings flooding my Heart.
written pure-ly by a crush?
(someone help me with that word)
On a girl:
-
::(...)::
-
Greetings be to the New-ly
ex-Altered Queen.
Thy Servant:
- layz-all... at your feet.
- prays that your-Reign be..
powerful... and merciful.
- wishes to be: found complete...
in pre-sent-ing the Realm..
to your Rule...
- asks you: be forgiving..to faults..
and be delighted by Joys..and
gifts that this hand can yet give.
- Long be your kindness.
Long be your affection.
Long Live the Queen!
....
pre-sentation:
- GIFTS -
the Montain-Lion: is from the Enchant-ment Hills
I trust it brings a Fierce and Noble Aire
to your courts and desires...
He is great-pawed and moves like a Leapord...
I bring this Magestic Beast
to your attention...
- a Male that will fall upon you quickly...
is He..
he is...and represents..all the Fierce
sensual-passions a male can have for you...
and i have mis-judged him...many times.
(..and ding-dong if i dont do it again.! )
i cant believe this 'BIG' thing 'Hides' in
such small sons... the eYes of this cat
do-not seem to miss any-movment
in your court.
i advise you keep him on Ch-a-in...
and feed him nothing...
cuz his eYes de-vour you...Enuff.
he represents to me:
'ALL'-things a man does
in his mind,emotion, and body
when given to sexual-activity..
(note:mine is at...
re-chat...femn1206.txt)
how wood a woman say it?
if not a Lion?...what?
how wood you re-word the feelings of
'teen-Ager Hormones'
(detail me on that)
-
-bUrrp!:...the-Lion wants you to knoe:
He thinks you are a 'silly-goose'...
and you got a 'neck' like one...
...!..grrrhl. grrhl.
...-but He just moves around like that...
.grrrhL..grrrrrhL...
...grrrhL..grrrrrhL...
cuz...He wants to be kissing.ON.your necK.
-
I wood-not Trust His Big-Ruff-Balls
near me at all...
..
...A Lion? with a pet Goose..?
I dont think so.
.
I wood-knot be-leeve-it...
even if I-SEEN- it.
- -
and now Mistress...
i turn your attention to the next
'feelings'... i have found in this heart:
i call it.. 'the-brother':
he isnt..
much to look at...
in fact..
i found-
him in the same heart as the Lion...
so...
its amazing that he still lives...
you wood never know it...
but i guess...
when the Honey-Moon is Over...
he comes out more often.
he looks just like you...
(for some reason)
and he wants you to know:
you are...
the pure-est..and true-est...
Sister he cood ever have..
he represents to me:
everything a brother shood be...
and rare-ly is... so let him..
love you...his-way..
-
not long after this i found a child,
in the same H-Eart...
and difficult to notice...
cuz he was behind the-Lion..
and he wants you to know:
he thinks you are a Goose-Brain,
and wants you to stop...
'mothering' him all the time.
he represents to me:
the feelings a man has
for things not
woman-related...
(see mine:galeeb.blogspot.com)
but the boy needs help..
4the-Lion gets into the way..
till he is neg-lected.
-
the next treasure in His heart...
is somthing i know little about...
yet iT is ::Here::...the-Father
he rep-resents:
'the spirit-of-adoption':
foster-homes, orphanges.
camps and ,school.
i sense him..He -is- the-Father:
and he wants you to know:
you are the Best thing mankind
ever brought him, and reminds you
that you now have the power to
make...or destroy..the rest of us.
by-your lite-est-actions.
the things you 'think' and say.
the un-noticed deeds.
-
-
All these things come-out
in-the-Night..
they swell up Pain-fully..
When i Lift your picture to me...
-
so i Write down what i see...
As it flows...out from the heart
down around you..and for you...
-
flowing...
from a heart over-welmed 4u
and 4having..u
-
letting your 'femn-light'
press in-to his heart like heat-waves..
Your Beauty Twising It...
as it swings in the Mirrir..
-
Like a Horrible Fool
who see's his own face
reflecting in the water
for the first time..
He can see strange features,
Lumps, dirt-marks, dis-figures, and
creatures of his own heart..
-
if i have failed to represent..
any more feelings,
than..'detail me on that'
-
hey?, it may be...
things i cannot-find...
cuz only a woman
gots it...like brains.
(detail me on that!)
-
::interuption notice::
.oh god...(choke)
I weep cuz i know some of these
words are...'Male'..
-
Only a girl can 'Write' what
a GIRL...can Love...(especialy
about the-Lion)
I Feel so helpless...
-choked- cuz girls can
do it better.
...
i shood have just stayd with..
my own fantasys..and not try
to be yours.
i can only type..what a
BOY-likes...why?
unless you teach me how.
-
Trying to pleez you must be...
the stupidist thing you ever saw...
if a boy wrote-like this to me...
id... ...id erase it!...
so what am i doing?
Let me just Croak! my-best for you..
and tell you
how beautiful i think you are...
and then when all this is Over..
you can just step on the poor frog.
and end all his Misery..
(sob)
im just..
totaly stunned
at how a boy cannot talk 'girl'
i never saw this b4.
but..at-leest...it-is-me...
streeming 'itself' to her...
tho she understands it not.
and i want to always-remember..
even in the woods...
that i did that...
to a girl.
-
::end of interuption notice::
-
message to the Queen continues...
And..Now...
I have showd-all...Your Majesty,
my godess, my fantasy-girl...
i have reeched the-bottom
of my heart...
and every thing is now laid
at your feet..and my face also
is pressed to the floor you
rest on,,,
Pleeeeez...Thy Servant hath one.
and only one request..
i give you.. the whole Heart.
yet none of it..
is worthy of what I am
about to ask.
yet i ask it
but one time..
galeeb Grand-Hi-Misstress
Ret-mother...
by your permission only,
and at the Risk of..
loosing-iT...
loosing-Balls...
loosing-everything..
i do-dare ask you...
to let down your Hair:
Tell me your Heart...
as i have..so desp-Ratly...
try-eed to tell you..
-MINE-
-
are such feelings
in a woman too?...
is it true?
what pleezes THEM?
what pleezes you?
answer: ????
-
-
end of petition.
-
other problems:
yes.yes.yes
English is run-over.
and mis-used
til has-no-meening.
but sure-ly you can
type-it the way..
you-like-it:
feelings
to be written.
-
what happens ?
i meen...inside...
when a guy sweeps you off your feet?
::::my desparate crying for words.. ends here::::
wooo..!
im glad i got -that- out of my system...
that was totaly embarrasing...
you must be totaly-turned-off by now..
but i was using-you to search my heart...
i think every guy shood...
get a chance to do that...
sometimes one comes and..Wham!..your'STUCK!'
-
i wanted-to know
what a man is thinking...
..
some parts i knew...
..
but when i type-to-you...
'ALL' the parts comes out..
do you have someone...
who does that to you...?
-
strange...
i suddenly remember
moonths...ago..
an Amish
girl...asking me to write-out..
what i was thinking...
i took heR paper with me.
but i didnt take her seriously..
(sob)
i was thinking it was a trick...
-
but now....
i am the one...
asking the same thing
from a girl that delights-me...
to pieces..
..
i hope.. i 'Am someone who
can do that... too..
to your pieces..
-
if i missd somthing...
pleez let me know...
i honestly did not find anything else
in-side me...no other love...
except the son-god,
he represents to me:
the one...by whom...our Maker...'Makes'
everyting...
-
and he wants you to knoe:
www.wmpress.org
www.chick.com
www.goodnewstracts.org
-
i keep him at the 'center'.
he takes away all my faults and
helps me use each heart-part
the way it shood be,
so nothing is
Ripd..oR..Torn. mis-used or un-used.
These are all 'parts' of my heart...
so when someone says:
::::you broke my Heart::::
...god..i hope that dont
meen the queen destroyed 'Everything'
inside him...
everything..?
maybe i gave my heart to the wrong
QUeen?....an Enemy!
ooops!
to-late now....
thats why i keep son-god at center...
ask-him where things go...
without him...somthing else becomes
-center-
I want you to be Queen..
but not 'Center!'
what are you trying to do to me?
make son-god..the center.
-
if..these..
'parts' of my heart...
are inside..
is there more?
can others bring parts out?
i meen...
-You- sure did...
-
what if...
there is more?
i 'think' you got it all.
ALL the 'parts.'
a man has....
rite-into his roots.
...
the rest is just fine-r details...
how many 'details'?
?
all i know about the-Lion
is at femn1207.txt
but im sure..
a woman wood know more.
maybe change some parts
i got wrong.
-
you may know 'alot'
about the-Lion,
but i know alot
about the-boy,
thats why i stay with him...
i was just...curie-us..
about her..
the-Queen.
what is she like?
inside her.
... i am curie-us..
.is that wrong...?
..
televison breaks heart-parts.
but internet will ree-ly destroy you.
..
i feel sorry for-you maiden...
you have internet all the time...
you can-not control it..
you cant.
i can feeeeel it.
in one of my feelings.
....probly the-Lion one.
...
it-will destroy you like it has bin
choking me... all i can do is run-away...
cuz i cant control it either...
and yet 'iwant' to keep
talking to you..
if i-saw any more pictures..
of you i wood
totaly loose..control.
you do-not-know
what pictures 'do' to boys!
probly the same that novels do
to girls.
(detail me on that)
-
are boy- 'Lions'
moRe-Active..
than girl-lions..
when they get older?..age:40
(detail me on that)
they seem to run-opposite..
-
part of galeeb.blogspot.com
says:
this is for those whos...
'place' is not to use computers..
or can-not...
-
well...
thats 'me' now....
its not my 'place'....
to use them much.
at all..
just enuff
to 'post and get out.'
i thank-son-god for letting me have it
long enuff to open-myself to you...
-
i can look-at wemen
in their-eyes now.
..im not scared nor shy...cuz i
understand what these-feelings are
inside of me... and which ones to
listen to...
cuz they got names now..
my love for you forced
them out onto paper(screen)
were i cood
'SEE' them...
i can honestly say..yees
'i know the feeling'
cuz i totaly un-did myself to you...
pressing-my-heart-out at your feet...
and recording what came up...
-?
mmmh? phh.!
bhaw.-haw-haw... ohh god!..
hehehe...
i am so glad i-am-Not a 'girl'...
cuz you must think by now
boys must be..
ab-sol-luet-ly-looony
if 'THIS' is what they do...
every time you walk by them...
and all this is in their
Heart.
-
but i cant doubt it..
just-a few can hurt-me..
that-way...
till i am 'stuck'on them...
maybe it depends...
on what heart-part is
stronger.
i have never-seen
anything stronger in a man...
than the-lion and the-boy...
but thats just me....
i wood guess others are
stronger in the-father...
and the son-god
and so they get un-done by girls
differently..
i doubt it... i never asked.
is that why i need a Mistress
in my heart...?
so girls canot 'un-done' Me
when they want?
What if...
what if girls 'un-do'Me
even more!
becuz-of a Mistress (a girl)
controling
my heart...?
(Detail-me on that):
is it easier or Harder to
resist girls? when a Mistress
Runs and controls things...
-
wait-till you 'find'
Tribes that dont-divorce...
and There you can enjoy this
without
'breaking' somthing.
-
Also:
i can look boys in the eye now too.
cuz i understand com-plet-ly
what they are struggling with..
inside.
-
-
(.next message:)
well.?..lets see..
i did 'nothing'
but talk about my-self..
this whole-time...(so-embarrassed)
cuz He is me.. and 'He'
-
-WANTED- to 'come out' and play..
for-the-first-time.?
-
you must be dis-gusted..
so... i qwit.
you have the rite
to ask what you want now...
if i dont fly out of your
hands and get away first.
i have gushed-myself over you and
your profile-picture all week...
and i do...
very-very-much-want-Want!...
to pay you bak by
doing or saying somthing that
makes you 'stay' at the edge of
peeking-orgasm all week too.
-
but dont be brutal...
remember..
i have step-stones to shape...
-
some people talk about
touchy-feely-stuff non-stop
bla.bla.bla. all day...
i just walk away from it...
but not this time...
this time is for you..
-
and i will-not pick-up
books like:
'what a woman wants,
what a man relly wants' videos
and books..mags.
-
they are just..
like..little-Traps...
trying to 'catch' My attention
to hurt my-stone-work...
i wont. i always said:
nope..
what-eveR Girls-Like...
-
Maiden will tell me...
-
It.. may not be what the book says,
Nor what wemen like..
-
But it will be her feelings,
and what she likes...
-
wow!
that-is asking from-her alot..
i shood Not ask you..
when...guh!..
i do not reely deserve it.
(sob)
but pleez... i know my fate..
i know i will get cut-off...
-
in the woods with
no-access
to anthing 'woman'
Big-lion is a BEAR:
and he wont come out.
i-know-me....
-
-
but you say: god! get a girlfriend!...
.
a what?
.
you got..Zip-No... idea what
i 'Face' from sun-up to sun-down.
look:
no girl-person (.right-minded.)...
wood run-jump threw brush and
traps for water and tools.
just to live another day..
i dont 'think' even the Maasai Tribe
wood let their women out on such
dangerous Territorial Wars...
..do they?
probly in big-cities.
but not out here....
out here..it is the peace and
quiet and long-walks that
can kill you...its not safe.
note:.next time you
plug-your-ears..
.....think of me....cuz...
thats what it sounds like out
here...bird-noises?..rarely..
just creeks-flowing.)
i just want to heeer from a
girl...maybe one-two-ten? times...
but wait?...why?
how wood she 'know' when to write...
how 'wood' she write?
send up smoke-signals?
-
oooh...i get it...
if i dont take all of her,
...i get 'none' of her...
hmmm..that
sounds fair...
i meen it...
..and..good-riddance...
cuz my stones wood look aweful if...
...if...
...if...
-
-
hey...
-
thats it!
-
some girl needs to do this:
go-all-over the internet looking
for the-guy...
one that reeeely! sets-you-off.
(the most!)
till your heart is 'Sqwaking'
and 'Bitching' like mine is..
and write somthing down to him.
...
and then...
just send me a-copy of it.
post it..email it.
..just..make sure
i 'Get' it...
i wont Laff-at it i promise...
well...o.k. i will...
but as long as i know it is
from your heart-gushing...
i will cry too..
-
-spend-
seven days writing it:
you-will spend only three...
so i said 'seven'
-
...no but seery-us..
i am doing somthing great...
friendship -ARE- worth planning-for..
a place for them...
a place where things grow berry
better...every day.
..i just wish...
-
..even a note....
-
..a word or two..
-
so i can re-turn to my
step-stone-work...
with an unforget-able grin,
and a strange lite in my eyes.
-
note:
strange-smiles run in parts of
my history.. i see it in old
pictures some times and i only
tell you now cuz.. i remember
days and moments when people
( not joking )
complained about it...
-
till next year or years..
while i...and
...when i... think of
-you-
-
.
-end-
..(next document)
the precious soul:
i spent four-days...
wording and re-stitch-ing
this entire thing...
every-document.
i wanted it to be...
'my' heart..
words 'i-think.'
i wanted it to be free.
but not word-ee.
with a sensitive spirit...
that loves Her very much.
-
i wanted it to ex-haust
all my power.
i wanted it...
to make-me-see
what-i Am made-of.
-
testing myself to..-no end-
.
.
next message:
-
hmm.
im not happy
with how
i spent this week..
it felt...
'waste-ed on girls'
valuables are missing...
-
even if i 'was' happy...
i still must fall to my knees
and ask son-god to
blot
out my faults..
so he 'can' gide me by
his Spirit..
-
...
i guess one-Moon
is to-much for trak-ing one-giRL..
so if you are reed-ing this...
'thanks' for try-ing..
but now...
...
Am-bish-un tastes 'better'.
shines brighter...
and feeds my-boys...
un-speakable power.
the new colony lands
in the new world this spring...
every thing on the map.
is OuRs boys!.
Lets kick=ass.
-
part of growing up...
is living long-enuff...
to-grow-up.
-
so help me god...
so help I JAH.
-
(next document)
Day 4:
wow!...maiden...
what big eyes you have!
-
(i just HAD to say that)
-
- -
You are Queen
.over me now...
but I-am 'still'
strong-enuff
to make the Rules:
1.'NO'pictures of
yourself...cuz im hurtN
enuff.
2.'NO'knock-out pics...
with things U-NO..make boys
huRt-blind-in-love for you.
3.send somthing girlz-like...
i meen reely-reely like.
and then tell-me 'why' girlz
go crazy about it...
...cuz if you dont
i will get soooo-confused.
give me hint-hints:
somthing i can say or do...
to reeely..make you gush.
4.'You'can send one-pic...
if-yr sure it wont 'break'me.
..
pleez. let me get stronger first
so i can get-away..
..
i like getting 'Cawt' by You.
i like seeing what is in my h-eart.
i like it when i get your-tips
and details..
but i do-NOT like it when i
can-not get-away,
..
-
...
cuz Your so...
.
.
.
.
.
beautiful.
-
ooops..um..
May-be just notes from-you.
wood be better.
and only...
if its from the heart...
stuff guys need.
and no pics...
-
o my god.
-
i got it 'Maid'!...
-
- -
but thats not what i
reely-reely wanted...
.
.
What-I-Reely Reeely 'Wanted'....
.
was to SEE..-(feel)-...
.
what its like to 'Lay'
a mans heart...
.
com-pleeet-ly at your-feet.
.
at your Mercy..
.
at the Risk of..
being -Cho-ked.
and
un-loved...
.
::not accepted::.
by a beautiful Maiden.
.
a heArt
..'stoMpd' on by-her:
and
rejected.
.
never gushing.
.
never beat-ing.
.
never streeming.
.
never flowing.
.
never again.
.
I surrender 2-you.
-
-
Four-Days of gushing
my heart-out..
..and it continues to flow...
-
at your feet alone.
- -
-
I surrender it...
to.you.
-
(.next document.)
Day five:
do..more! do..more!
but I cant I cant
IAM shrinking.
make my heart 'throb'...
no...let it go.
the boy is dying
with shame, to weak.
the doors that make
him ask questions..
are closing tite..
and he loves you so.
-
ooohvvv!
-
what if she does not
want to be loved..?
by the-Lion?
...
still... it is..
::Hers::
and 'Let' her be
loved...
by the other-creatures...
that were found...
in that heart..
- -
For to this Day...
in some green and
secret land...
is a grassy-hill
where wild-flowers grow...
and on that hill...
a maiden stands..
-
where her boy poors out
his soul...
-
and lets the waters flow.
-
out of his heart and soul
are things boys always know...
but to bring them to the
Maiden... he 'Lets...
the waters
flow.
-
..All'around her
on the grounds they 'Run'...
flowing from her
in running Rivers...as tho..
a battle had bin won.
-
She stands a queen.
Her profile so HI.
so proud so beautifull.
her hands spread out to
welcome this One...
who at her feet is layd
defeated...
and who 'broke-open'...
to let... the waters Run.
- -
-
-
Yeeepps!
these words have bin flowing
for six days now...and i
cant make it stop...
...it is the 'Smell' of...
a boys-love.
-
and still...
i have no -Id.EA-...
what
eX-c!!tes a girl.
..?..
Un-Less...'That-Is'
what excites a girl...
the smell of...
a boys love for heRr..
.
.
and makes Her want to
crush-Him..More...
to 'Make'
the waters-flow...
-
to make his heart keep
'GUSH.ing..with questions...
-
-
:::I HOPE NOT...
if 'THIS' is what you love
i wood not know...
i do not and wood not...
and do not want to know...
i want to 'Run' back to
the wilderness...where maidens
cannot teach me...to love them
so.
-
i wood 'HoP' under the
neerest Leaf...
and hide until she Pass.
but her female-sounds
'make'
creatures charmed...
Till the poor litte frog...
cood take no more..
and jumped into her Path.
-
Her gate is paused and
she stands still...
up at the Maid his
eye-lids layd...
till crossed with love
with 'looks' that kill.
poor frog was sick with
love and tried to Croak..
-
wood she love him teez him..
make him choke?
Her eyes so fair Her hands
so clean...
wood she pick me up to feel
the little heart...
and its....beeT..ing?
-
so many questions so many
stories..so much wood make
a toads mind soar!...
but as frog was thinking...
.
the maiden was winking...
.
and sMeeerd with her foot...
the frog to the floor.
-
--CRRRR..OOOhhhooo..Kkk!
-Splat-
-
the Maiden Left singing...
her heart was still Ringing..
with things 'frogs' need not
explore...
-
and to this same day...
and in Ev-er-eey-Way...
the frogs good-heart...
is still 'sliMed'
across the floor...
-
show-ing to all.!
his cross-eyed smile
still sticks all the while...
dried to the stones...
for all.ever.more.
-
.
and he loves you so.
-
- -
ho-hum!
.
Romantic...
but not appreciated.
.
.
..if you love her deudamiff...
.
.
let her know...
.
..if you love her...
.
.
let her...
.
.
...'go'-.
.
-
-
-end-
whu?
wait no..!
-STOP!-
.
dont let it end here!..
(sob)
i still got 'LOTS'
to ask...
-
i cant help it if im...
(slow)
.
.
yes...i 'was' going to say..SLOW
i meen... i have to think first.
ugh...
(panic-attack)
um.
um.um.uh.
how'bout this:
- do all your parts work?
or do i have-to use presses!!
- what parts are touched first?
your hair? your hands your holds?
- what.what.way do you like it.
- what stag-pictures set-you off.
- what...
(sob)
- what...
.owe...owe-kay...i..
i..give....
i..give..iN.
-
i shood just go-get
'HorNy-pictures'
from the internet and
just 'quit-trying'...
-
but i cant...
this heart is diff-Rent...
.
.
.
-
and i 'want' to leev it
all here with the maiden...
keeping-it 'diff-Rent'
for -Her-...
-
::::.and.left.alone....
.for Her
.i.will.leeve-it Here.
...she will know..
what to do.with a weak heart.
-
-
:::: I..Love..You..Maiden ::::
-
.
.
(pooof!)
.
.
(.next-document.)
Day Six:
Feelings 'SOAR' cuz the moment
to post this comment. Neers...
.
even now, new askings gush-out.
.
feelings of submission and
compassion...
-
::SUBMISSION::
How Come in all My Fantaseez...
the Male submits to the Female..?
you 'know' i can write better...
if you TEACH-Me..
.
.
But i wood be holding your hand...
like i was Blind...cuz...
when you..
let-go...i wood ..start...
writing like a Male again.
-
Like i said...girls know how to
do-it better....
.
Ugh!..'worthless-frog' feelings are
jumping around again...
...have 'pity' on me.
-
-
::COMPASSION::
.
-IF- the Queen Ree-F-U-zez to 'Let'
the-Lion...loooose...
then we shall Avenge this cruel-ty.!.
by loving-her-to-death with all the...
'Other' forces yet living in that HeaR-T.
.
..'Press-zing' her ter-ribly with them...
till passionate streems come out of Her.
...with feelings that no English-words can
de-scribe!..
-
'Guh-sh-ing' each-other 'SORE' with them...
till 'all-mans-words' are washed-away...
taking them 'off' and free-ing our-selves..
from them forever.
-
Shore-LY-theN'...she-shall Open-Up Herself...
and surrender her most sensitive-parts...
to the Beast...and Let-Looose...the-chain..
from the-Lion...(..ch-chink.ch-ink...click.)
-
Let-ing hiM.... eYe-her...
...!..grrrhl.... grrhl.
for the kill...
...!..grrrhl. grrhl.
-
...-but He just moves around like that...
.grrrhL..grrrrrhL...
...grrrhL..grrrrrhL...
cuz...He wants-to go for a.. Hunt...
-
massive Paws and strength...
now approach her... 'cautious-ly'..
.
the-HE-LIon begins...
smelling and sniffing
the coool air...all around her...
and search-ing...
.
.
instinct-ivly... for the goose's .necK.
-
-
the Queen is now in 'grave' danger...
-
.
the lion approaches..
head-low and movments-slow,
and wild green-eyes..
lock-in on hers.
.
all her court grows tense..
RooARRRh!!!hhh.hhh (.heavy-breething.)
The Beast 'Roars' with 'Rage' for her...
Mighty forces ScREeeM for her..
having never-bin permitted to
Lust, feast, NoR Feed upon....
One Womanly Figured Body...
.
.
.
...but Her own.
-
The Queen..in all her Beauty...
and grace...falls back gently...
and spreads herself innocently..
open-ing all her feeling to him...
fffff
she is now a delicate and
surrendered body and he-art.
and 'powerful' is Her Releeese.
fffff
-
with-held for so long...
the Lion-eyes her.. as she is...
and falls upon her...
with a def-aning 'ThuD'...
-
.
-
in just a few un-holy moments..
showers of shooting-stars and
fiery-flying butter-flys fill
her majestic-courts...
-
.
-
And Every Feeling In her Kingdom...
Begins to -Shout- with all hearts...
in orgasmic unity:
''God Save the Queen''
-
''God Save the Queen''
-
''God Save the Queen''
-
:the courts echo with her praisess..
.
till the Land is full of her Peace.
.
and with...no-end..
.
-
- -
-
(.new comments:.)
- do i get the 'Pultizer Peace Prize'
for drafting this for you?
note:pultizer meens 'puLL me into Bed'
- do i atleeeest get the
'bad-boy..girl-thumper'Award..
for typing this all out to you?
- how-bout best-actor? oR..
best-intentions..or best-story..
- ooh-ooh.ooy..it dont matter to you..
does it.. ...?
cuz it was.. some-one...
-
bleeding for you.
.
.
,
...and my time...is Up.
-
-
:::: I..Love..You..Maiden ::::
-
i dont want a boy to 'die'
in your hands... it just happens.
.
? Me..slow.?
.
no..but.. ::I-Am-NOT:: 'GReeN'...
.
even if i have-to RAM-YOU many times
to proove it..
.
oR just till i get-it Right..
-
maydn999.
.
IM so afeared of you. But you are no beast. You are heaven sent if I've ever known anything. I know you know if that is All we have to know. I have a story writing here on my station, however I do not have enough time to type it up and then proof-perfection it. This propose deserves proof and perfection/protection.
I have so many answers for you. For me, because of you that cums easy. Believe me. I Will show you soon.
Again I am Afeared of you. Maybe that is the nature of This Nature.
For now sweet man that I have no way of confirming I will let my heart gush if only for your museum.
Later I will indulge you with a planned and prepared meal to feed your inner lion and quench your thirsty soul.
You want to know how I feel right now? stupid
Now to get over that, because stupid does not exist here and NOW.
So let me continue on with a story of a young woman who grew to care for herself at a very early age as women, i suppose are women at first menstration. But that is a male philosphy for a woman is a woman in a woman's heart when she can care for herself. I happened to be gifted. By none other than Him&HerSelf (L-detail that :-)i like that :-)
Now please don't get me wrong or let me be misunderstood or fall into the trap of quote and missquote; I have doubt, I have failure, I Am human. Though i am no Son and could never be anyones'
Father.
I am permitted by custom and command to love with all my Will/Heart. My Will, now, that is reserved souly for God's Will. That is my Will.
Kiesh? :-)
Please do not worship me or lay at my feet or place me on pedistals that I cannot fall down from. So that I may not break anything for I like to think of myself as a creator not a destroyer.
I need you to be creative. However loosy goosy that becomes. A-girl, A-Smart-Girls knows how to take care...of herself. ALL the parts of herself. It is a gift. Some do not accept their gifts so willingly. Some lust for desire and to have the image of a woman.
God I wish I had more time to be what a Woman should be. What I was created to be.
Yes, when I think on you All the parts of me become obvious. I hate that, I hate that I need you. I think alot of girlies feel that way. And bouys feel that they are not supposed to need anything. I think it is just lies that have been told to people...whispered to people...to make them sad and weakened to negative powers.
Weakness in LOVE is the strongest strength a power-being can have. Some just want to question God's love and strugglle eternally with that. Some just take longer to see...that is All.
So my time is ticking too and the older I get the more I think of You/of This. I'll admit.
Other women/femm-fatals can try to control you...if you let them then they will. Might they be struck down so that your heart can see/feel the Truth.
I will remain a lady for Now. Except, of course, in the hay-loft. And even there will I be ever faithful and devoted.
Ask God. :-)
The father of my child has been the one and only lover before and since the day we parted. I Will have no other, until You are mine. whatever the consequence of committing such thing cood bring.
I needed/need to know your level/ability of forgiveness and trust. Those are a few of my requests to Our Father. I hope to see-them-through.
Maybe this might get easier as we go along. With you in my yang the difficulties seem to fade away into beautiful simplicities.
(by the way, this is so great, to chronicle. I believe it could be so helpful and educational to any tribe no-matter what demonimation)
Love Can See Us Through.
One Last Thing Until We Meet Again:
A Po-Em: Unknown
Little Tree House
Please build for me
A house in a tree
Called the little tree house,
The little tree house.
I'd like to be
In a house in a tree
Called the little tree house,
The little tree house.
Simplest thing
There isn't much to it.
You just climb a tree
And nail everything to it.
--
gendr108.txt - - - - v1-23-08, 10am.: 30-minute study on understanding the opposite-sex..by Barbara.de.Angelis...from:vhs-notes.
Dear May-Den: (cut this part out)
i found no sign of-you
at ???
you had not bin there...?
-
so i took the
''NEXT-STEP.'' alone.
-
after typing grama108.txt
i lost sight of 'self'
-
and just.wanted... to love 'you.'
-
and decided to give-it 30.min.
-
it was one of those
'understanding the
opposite sex' cassettes,
-
and i soaked it up
and typed it out
as best i cood.
-
i hope you like it.
show it to your boy-friend.
.
i 'can' say:
the part about the man...
is very true.
they did a good job.
but i may have mis-worded,
how a woman is.
.
secound message:
May-Den:..I..Am..sooo
'Sorry...
i just finished typing
gendr108.txt
i didnt know!
i play-d with my own heart.
but i didnt know it was
'all' serious and dangerous.
i just wanted...to see it.
do i know when to stop.?
it was a good study for me.
i think..?
i never wood try it and not think
of you. you made the tpying easy.
and i got to hear stuff along
the way.
thanks may-den...for helping me.
'see' stuff.
i drawd you a picture of it
...so you dont forget me.
-
third message:
just finished
quik-refs. for gendr108.
all-new thoughts about you
are come-ing.
i better stop.!..
last week... l loved a girl.
this week... i loved,
romanced, and learned how to
relationship one.
im just getting dizzy.
must put this study down.
War is RIsing... i must go.
-
i Wuv you maidn...
(burp)
why..?
just read the quick-refs.
:::end of may-den part.
-
original start of gendr108.txt:
reasons for this study:
If im getting a girl...
what does she want.?
after you reed all this...
your better-off staying
with your
fantasy-girls.
its just to complecated.
-
but for some it may meen..
survival.
-
feelings without words.
is better than
words without feelings.
-
Any-way...here it goes..
i hope there is-nt more.
i want to 'close' my
girl-boy studies...
for 'better things:
boy-god boy-boy boy-plant.
but then...even boy-girl.
gets a time and place.
too.
-
Here is a quick-reference:
(.2.pages long.)
and then all the details:
(.6. pages long.)
-
understanding the opposite-sex:
-
'know'the differences that
separate them.
-
men 'perform' to show love...
women 'relate' to show love.
-
women:dont make a man feel he is
'wrong'or'bad' let him know, you
are not saying 'that',
even if you cant see 'how' your
'suggestion' wood be an insult.
-
men:saying 'sorry' to a woman
goes a-long way. let them hear
what they want to hear.
-
Men and Women Have different Brains.
-
men are special-ized,
women are multi-tasking.
-
man needs time-to-shift tasks.
-
Tip for wemen: give transition-time,
a few minutes to change the subject.
-
Men see 'the big-picture'
eg.things ahead, future, end-results.
women see 'the details'
eg.things at-hand, present, steps.
-
eg.tell wife how she looks: fine?
wrong! she wants details: Honey!
you look beutiful, your-dress,
your jewel-ware, lipstiick,
details-about it, makes me just
want-to-be-with you.
-
tip:dont tell her you love her...
tell her why...eg:
-
ladies: its not that he dont care,
he dosnt notice 'details',
women love-it when you do.
(feels-good.)
-
boy-girl speak different languages.
ie.thinking-patters:
-
men are 'sollution' oriented.
wemen are 'process' oriented.
-
eg.women think-out-loud, in a spiral,
as the female sex-organ, they go
around things, men like straight to
the point.
-
-
Love-Banks:
men want a beautiful face and body to look at.
wemen want the little changes they make loved.
:::
these ARE what turn-them-on,
but both like the sex...
'AFTER' the love-banks have built-up,
two-days?, to provoke a-lust4sex.
-
-Both- find purpose and
place..both want to be
thanked for it, even if
one dont make sense to
the other.
-
thats why women feel men arnt
'sensitive', not 'comforting' them.
they WANT the-talk, men dont get-anything
out of it...but the visual.
--
TIP FOR MEN: just 'be' with us,
not 'do' for us.
-
example:
if a woman is 'upset'...ASK HER:
do you want me to offer a solution?
or just want me to hug you? verbaly?
-
she may say: i just want you to listen.
-
cuz HE is looking for an answer...
when SHE does not want one.
-
-
'i feel crazy, like i want to kill someone.'
if man uses those same terms..its usualy
pretty serious. but the same words to a
woman meen somthing totaly different.
-
different brains,different language.
-
TIP FOR WOMEN:
'warn'the man that you 'want' to be
emotional and 'dont'want answers.
-
-
all YOU man have to do is: take-it for
5.min? and hold me, comfort me, tell me
its o.k. dont father-me, just act-as-one.
-
Women:dont be offended or mad at him cuz
he is trying to 'fix' your problem.
males 'try' to do that, you dont want it.
-
-
another 'BIG' Man-Woman difference is:
Men 'MauL'=think about there own feelings.
instead of expressing them.
-
but women mis-read a mans 'MauLL'ing to
meen 'he is ignoring me' she feels:
see? he wants nothing to do with me.!
-
Male:i dont 'WANT' to give an answer cuz
i may say the wrong thing.
-
she dosnt care. just talk!
-
RULE-FIVE:
Men are less emotionaly-Literate.,
they read-emotions less, they use less
emo-words.
so it takes HIM longer to get from
head-to-heart, he wants the right-words
on his feelings.
-
Ladies: just cuz He dosnt know how to
'say it'...
dosnt meen he dosnt 'feel-it' for you.
-
You (Lady) need to tell him: this is
what i want to say, this is how i feel.
do you want to talk about it now?
or in the morning? Re-schedule-it.
-
'NOT-Re-scheduling' is when the biggist
fights occur...dont say:no, say:later,
and 'when'. (.men 'appreciate' this.)
-
-
why do this?
1.cuz now he knows what you want.
2.he can plan for it.
-
mis-understanding each-other leeds to
fights and neg-lect. and both begin
socialy-searching for some-one else.
-
dont say 'lets talk'.
it makes men feel safer if you warn-ahead
'WHAT' you want to talk about or do.
it makes him 'willing' when he knows
'WHAT' he is in for. in a conversation.
-
TiP FOR MEN:
not in mood to talk? Re-schedule it.
dont say:i dont want to talk about it.
make her feel you do.
- - -
MORE on taLking and communicating:
when men say:
'you are always interupting'
wait!
-
follow THAT 'EMOTIONAL-MAP' in
making Love work.
-
women:
say 'is there anything else you want to
tell me or say?'. WAIT till he is done.
men 'appreciate' this.(get egg-d). and
women shood leeve-a-way for the man to
know when 'HE' is interupting.
-
-
ANOTHER mistake we women tend to make:
we 'tend' not to be very 'direct' in
the way we communicate. we like to
hint-hint at a topic or issue.
--
girl:you are hinting and hope-ing,
and he dont-got a clue. 'YOU' need
to be 'direct' (hard4females).
-
do-it. even if it makes him choke.
'
-
'DI-RECT' is what HE 'needs' and wont
understand if you just say: wwwwhhhm
im-having-alot-of 'feelings' lately.
-
--p9--
Male:what the Hell is she talking about?
LAdys TIP:be specific, you will feel
impowered.
- - - -
OTher Secrets of Opposite Sex:
- - - -
Ladies need to feel they make
a difference.
Men need to feel they are
'doing-well.'
and we de-prive each-other of these
shows of praise.
-
Man:let her know she does,and how.
women:let him know he does his vision
well.
-
WHY people cheat and have affairs:
its not for sex...
women:'LOOK' for someone who makes
them 'feel' they relly make a differnce.
Men 'LOOK' for girls that 'like' what
they do.
- we all want to feel like treasures.
- -
.'FEEding' Love.goes-a-long-way!
-
cuz when women feel un-loved...
they close-up..and males must then
forget-about sex.
-
Men: dont be 'emotionaly'lazy
(.quiet.)
you know what we want.
you know the little-things that
you do that ticcle-us, our affection.
verbal,showy, emo-tion.
dont make us 'beg' for it.
-
even if you dont 'feel-right' when
you do them...you will feel better,
and you will feel more in-love.
-
if you dont-know what those 'things'
are..'ASK!':what are the little-things
i can do to make you feel more loved.
-
becuz of ALL 'THESE' differences...
'having'sex can be very-complicated...
-
follow an emotional-road-map,
know when to stop and start...
where...and for who..and to do what.
-
note: its practiced alot in
romance-novels.
-- - -
top-1:womans complaint: wait until friday
to start love-touching us...and 'expect'
us to be 'turned-on'.
-
but if you dont-say 'i love you',
your-beautiful, and other things
all-week, friday will be no-deal.
you must deposit!,build-up that
love-bank to a hi-charge...
-
top-2:dont 'Rush' HER. dont go from
first-gear to fourth (like men do.)
take hours. 'check-the-roast'
do a little kissing, ask her if she
is reddy, if not, keep kissing where
she says.
-
Love-the-moment...Not the goal.
-
top-3:Men have sex, they dont make-love.
try 'talking', passionate words,here,
there,women like it.(?)when you talk
and have sex at the same time: eg.
this feels good, i like it here with
you, you are beautifull.
-note: adding a sentence or two
AFTER-ward. flattering her.
-
top-4: MEN sLuuR, picture-lust, and
leek their affections, give 'looks'
to other women.
Men: when you do this, you are not
investing in your relationship\marriage.
you are investing in a fantasy.
focus-it on your partner,
-
TOP-5:Mens complaints: women always
need a 'BIG-Production' to make-love.
eg.movies,novels,feed-back.candles,
wine,stories,candies.
Note to Women:sometimes, its good to
just 'have-sex'..just 'do-it'.
to keep-him around for when you WANT
to do-it 'YOUR-WAY'.
-
-
TIP-three: Men are Visual!
You 'can' argue (inside) about 'what'
they 'LIKE' to see, but they 'do' like
what they-see.
so..'FIND' out what those things are,
wear-it, act-it, let-him see it.
-
-Men get turned-on 'at-the-eye' first.
women get turned-on 'at-the-mind'
(.oR.? body?)...this makes a BIG
difference...
-
TIps For Getting the Most
out of this tape:
-
1:write it down, go over it, discus
them with your partner, correct, or
add personal things to it.
-
2:make commitment to 'USE' these.
say: i will try to give more TIME,
more patience, get into details.
-
3:acknowledge the changes, thank them.
Love the little steps each makes.
-
closing: i believe God put two sexes
on Earth for a reason, to be like a
mirror to each-other, to teach balance,
to stretch us. for destiny.
-
:::end of introduction,
:::end of quik-reference.
main papers start after this comment:
wait one day!
now, whats your first-impressions
of this information: ???
here is mine:
the cave-man (not woman) has his
mind stayd? on 'the big-picture.
connecting and securing places of
water and seed, and blocking any
Rival to those connections...
therefore, he is to-the-point.
'no-mind-of-you' is better. cuz
if he finds a stranger, he barks.
you become a-tool oR a threat
to him, and you get driven-out.
-
Are you a tool to that person?
steps:how can you make him want
or need you?
-
Age: in a Massai-Tribe your work
is controled by age...
-
at my age..its nice to have 'a'
family around when you need one,
so make many fit for yourself.
-
a place where you can enjoy
people, but not sex...cuz its
not 'your' family...
-
at my age i need to be out garding
borders and making new contacts.
collecting information for when
collecting wont be easy nor useful.
-
help god,others,self get into place.
but by what their age allows.
-
the next step, (age-older)
is to make
water and seed places
for your own-house.
-
i decided:
based on gendr108.txt
and my-own 'need' of time-savers.
you will need two-women.
to supply each-other the
emotional build-up
they like and need.
and since wemen 'like.' to
talk...it wiil go quicker.
let others do the work,
for-you.
-
now they are all stired-up
constantly for sex..
-
all you got to do...is step in.
-
i just hope the female-mind
works this way.
-
i remember cruel love-stories,
of men who got all stired up
for a girl, and then another
steped-in secretly just in time
to take what the other one
had coming to her.
-
it happens all the time,
Read the Bible.
-
without your-own water and
seed contacts..you got no-say.
they drive you out, or you them.
show mercy.
-
women are like sweet-breads.
pretty-cakes.
eat all you want...
but if one makes you sick and die.
...
its only cuz dis-eases are in
the ingredients.
-
...end of comment.
-
-
main-papers start here:
--p1--
'know'the differences that
separate them.
eg.needing driving-directions..
she-says:why dont you stop\ask!
he-gets:offended
he-thinks:your saying he-is
no-good, cant gide, cant leed.
he dosnt real-ize you are just
being-practicle,talkative...
-why.?-
it came-down to him:
historic cave-man example:
the-man is born-to
surivival-and-leeding:
so...
being told your-doing-it-wrong
offends their very nature.
it attacks the-feel for
purpose and being...(to them)..
.
even if you didnt meen it
that-way...thats what He h-Earz.
.
-
Under same-cave conditions
the female thinks only of
her-survival...which meens
the man must stay healthy
and attracted to her...
so she stays 'emotional'.
knowing if He-fails..
she dies in the wars.
no-bread-getr. no kill.
fear of this happening..
brings constant-emo.
dependency...
-
so'emo'came-down to her.
Results Today:
He-works hard and shows
no-feeling...
sHe-panics hard and shows
much-feeling...
for in the bak of every
girls mind is the old...
'im going to 'die'. if that
man leevs me.'
-
wemen tend to get-in-the-way
of a mans survival-buisness.
and this upsets him.
but she wants to make sure
he-still crys over her.
-
its not that he dont love you.
he shows it his-way..and she
dosnt see it..to well.
cuz she is emo.
he is not..he cant be dependant.
his mind is set on the-hunt.
he must bring food-in.
so it-becomes 'his way' to
show love..instead of emo.
so he has no-emo.
when she wants emo.
-
and cuz her-survial is by emo,
she shows love...by-emo.
-
women also like to 'improve'
things...they dont mind being
wrong.
-
but man does not like being told
he is wrong..its very-very hard
for him to say 'im-sorry'.
-
men: when you gide and she says:
lets stop for directions,she isnt
calling you a failure..she is
simply suggesting you consider.
dont be bitter.
-
Rule-One:
men 'perform' to show love...
women 'relate' to show love.
eg.men want you to trust the
work they do for you.
women want you to comb their
hair and tell them you love.
them.
-
women:dont make a man feel he is
'wrong'or'bad' let him know, you
are not saying 'that',
...even if you cant see 'how'
a 'suggestion' wood be an insult.
-
men:saying 'sorry' to a woman
goes a-long way. let them hear
what they want to hear.
-
Rule-Two:
Men and Women Have different Brains.
men are special-ized,
women are multi-tasking.
-
men stay on one subject to study.
women can talk,study,phone,and
have-sex at the same time.
-
man needs time-to-shift tasks.
-
tip4wemen: give transition-time,
say 5.min, to change the subject,
from what he is, to what you want
him thinking about.
a common interest.
-
--p2--
Rule-Three:
Men see 'the big-picture'
eg.things ahead, future, end-results.
women see 'the details'
eg.things at-hand, present, steps.
-
example:
women ask how you liked the changes:
dyed-hair, room-cleaned, etc.
and then women thinks you dont care,
cuz you arnt giving her praise.
but man dosnt pay-attention cuz he
thinks past 'little-changes'.
'this' makes woman feel unloved-emo.
and in need of emo-support elsewhere.
eg.tell wife how she looks: fine?
wrong! she wants details: Honey!
you look beutiful, your-dress,
your jewel-ware, lipstiick,
details-about it, makes me just
want-to-be-with you.
tip:dont tell her you love her...
tell her why...eg:
when-i-get-home:
you got it in order,
when your in bed,
i feel lukiest in world.
-
this makes them 'feel' special.
tell them everythings going to be
all-right.
-
ladies: its not that he dont care,
he dosnt notice 'details',
women love-it when you do.
feels-good.
(see 10c.vhs.or.sears-affair)
-
boy-girl speak different languages.
ie.thinking-patters:
Rule-Four:
men are 'sollution' oriented.
wemen are 'process' oriented.
-
eg.women think-out-loud, in a spiral,
as the female sex-organ, they go
around things, men like straight to
the point.
-
eg.man asks:what are you doing today?
out-loud she thinks:im going first to..
then..then..maybe..then..etc. -
but man is gone, isnt listening,
cuz you didnt get to a two-word point.
:::my comments: (skip down)
man wants to feel he is doing-achieving,
women dont look for a finish, and dont
care if a task has an ultimate-result.
in a week or month.
she enjoys details of the day, patterns.
she wants to feel cycles,circles.
he wants to see start and end.
and a bigger 'purpose'
the 'effect' this 'step' will
have in years to come.
-
women care that today circles well.
and details appreciated, she loves the
comments,little shows of appreciation,
encourage-ment, flowers, small awards.
-
--p3--
:::my comments continue:
men are out-door thinking,
women outdoor, but details-affectionate.
in their work.
eg.botany:man sees the net-crop results,
women see the beauty and daily details.
not as steps, but daily circles that
are appreciated by her as your long-term.
is to you..
-
Love-Banks:
men want a beautiful face and body to look at.
wemen want the little changes they make loved.
these are what turn-them-on, but both like
the sex...'after' the love-banks have
built-up, two-days?, to provoke a-lust4sex.
- -
female:we need to 'talk' about our relationship.
lets-talk.
male:how long will this take.?
note:male wants to get to a point,
and disturbed that somthing must be wrong,
dosnt understand that she just wants to talk.
and circle the point, dance around the idea,
adding savour,stretch,detail,and commentary..
to the point. so long as there is one..or not.
not-careing if ? or relationship has a point
or far-off value to it., only that it make
her little-changes more appreciated.(to her?)
-
''He Never Talks to Me.'' meens...i want
verbal-affection approval praise..shes not
trying to get answers, arguements, or change-you.
she wants appreciation for her circles-daily.
-
''Lets-Talk''may meen:build-up my love-banks.
mental-verbal stimulation acceptance? praise.
man cant see what it does to her.
visual-stimulation is to him, what 'lets-talk'
is to her?
-
eg.female said he had that 'i-got-her' attitude
after the affair, and appreciation-moments stopd
as her husband did.
affairs arnt for sex,but for appreciation banked
into her by flowers,little comments, feelings,
men dont like giving if they dont see a point.
wemen dont care for a point just so they feel
they will get to the-point(sex?) eventualy.
-
--p4--
:::comments continue:
Men 'question' the authoritys
behind little-recognitions.
little-things and changes dont hold value.
certificates, paper-pledges,small honors,paper-promises,
etc. cant be trusted nor enjoyed by men to well.
nor a childs love?
-
where-as women dont see
the 'value' of long-term ambitions,
calling it 'no-purpose',
a man does all that planning, for what?
why cant he just 'be with me,
enjoy little-things'
half-the fun is:getting there.
little-achievements, and multiple-channels
of things-to-do,talk-clean,have sex,all at
same time.
-
she calls him 'dis-placed warrior'
fighting a battle that dosnt exist (to her).
cuz she cant see nor desire such as man.
-
man is in the field..
watching the big-plan.
woman is at home..
watching the little
activities.
-Both- find purpose and
place..both want to be
thanked for it, even if
one dont make sense to
the other.
-Woman needing much more
thanks,app. the man: only
a few well-chosen words.
of his liking.
...to 'egg'him on.
-
--p5--
casset continues:
(.not my comments:)
so..
wemen talk about everything,
even hours-later, going over
it again, enjoying it.
round and round,
like her.sexual-organ.
-
driving man crazy cuz the
discussions 'never' get to a point,
like his.sexual-organ
-
example:
boy complains about his relationship
with a girl...to another girl.
note:
you will never Hear her say:
is this going to take long?
Hell no!
she'd love to hear 'ALL' about it.
going over it herself and never
getting to a point.
.
but males:dont WANT to hear it.
-
thats why women feel men arnt
'sensitive', not 'comforting' them.
they WANT the-talk, men dont get-anything
out of it...but the visual.
-
example:
man comes home,woman complains about
her day, makes up little complaints,
male only wants to..'get-to-a-point'
fix-things,find her an answer.
but she dosnt WANT an answer.
-
male says:what do you do? what are
your options?
female says: your not listening to me!
your dont understand!
-
wooo! instant fight !
why? if there is a point,
she dosnt WANT to get to it.
not directly...just eventualy.
(.not at all is fine too.)
see?:she is 'enjoying' the conversation
and 'looking' for bits of acceptance
and your praise, verbaly-valued.
and dosnt want you to quit..
so it happens again every-day...
every-night...instant fite.
cuz you dont understand why she keeps
it up. shes an emotional creature.
a woman...?
-
she: i want to be comforted,held,told
everything will be o.k.
he: thinks..what good is 'that' going
to do?..he is logical...and see's no
joy in temporary comments-of-affection.
-
he sees...the-big-picture..and wont?
move off them for heR...little quirks.
-
HE: i want to 'fix' the problem, logical,
not emotional...her needs.
HE wants to give a 'solution'.
She wants the joy of 'the process'.
little praises along the way.
-
(but i think her attitude is fitting
if she will raise children)
-
TIP FOR MEN: just 'be' with us,
not 'do' for us.
-
example:
if a woman is 'upset'...ASK HER:
do you want me to offer a solution?
or just want me to hug you? verbaly?
-
she may say: i just want you to listen.
-
so she pours out complaints,
going over and over them till she is
'satisfied' and then forgets it as if
nothing happened. never needing a point.
-
man gets up thinking, WOW!
she has -GOT- a mental-problem!...
cuz HE is looking for an answer...
when she dosnt want one.
-
sometimes these 'complaints' can get
WILd for sake of attention,exagerating.
example:
female storms into the room: i had such
a rotten day! my girlfriend got me upset,
and i feel like killing her-him for that.
-
male is sitting there thinking: O my god!
she's wanting to kill people...
-
if man uses those same terms..its usualy
pretty serious. but the same words to a
woman meen somthing totaly different.
-
different brains,different language.
-
--p6--
TIP FOR WOMEN:
'warn'the man that you 'want' to be
emotional and 'dont'want answers.
-
women are 'process'oriented and so
'exagerate' problems or information.
(to get more out of it?..romantic?)
example:
i dont know what im going to do,
i feel like killing somebody sometimes.
-
so man panics and thinks shes going mad.
and calls for a medical-mental-doctor.
-
man takes 'killing'literal, women 'wants'
to be emotional, un-wind and complain,
for just 5.min?..
-
all YOU man have to do is: take-it for
5.min? and hold me, comfort me, tell me
its o.k. dont father-me, just act-as-one.
-
Women:dont be offended or mad at him cuz
he is trying to 'fix' your problem.
males 'try' to do that, you dont want it?
-
-
another 'BIG' Man-Woman difference is:
Men 'MauL'=think about there own feelings.
instead of expressing them.
cuz they are 'solution'-oriented. they
want an answer for it.
-
and women dont 'care' for the answer.
so long as they know its coming.
they 'want' to express feeling, and get
attention for extreeming-themselves.
maybe get egged-on to do more.
-
but men want to 'get-it-right' so they
MauLL... till they find best words?
-
women dont care if they get-it-right,
just so they feel they 'will' eventualy.
just not yet.
-
dont get to the answers yet cuz this gives
me time to 'dance-around' the issue,
collecting praise,extreems,details that
getting-to-the-point misses.
-
but women mis-read a mans 'MauLL'ing to
meen 'he is ignoring me' she feels:
see? he wants nothing to do with me.!
-
:::my comment:
visual.vs.verbal.appreciation:
both-sexes get pulled together, resulting
in relationships,commitment,both become..
one-direction.
but in our-culture:
this leed to more-evil, and painful-stess.
when other-offers and mis-understandings
of opposite-sexes..Arise.
-comment closed.
--7--
cassete continues:
example: its late-at-nite,
she says: honey..we need to talk about this...
he says: i dont want to talk about it.
he wants to MauL.it over.
she just wants to talk about it.(get pleasure)
so she picks late-nite to talk...
cuz she knows male is to tired to 'MauL'
and wont try to be so 'logical'
-
this is how the first-fights start.
cuz Male dosnt understand 'WHY'
she wants to 'talk about it.'
-
Male:i dont 'WANT' to give an answer cuz
i may say the wrong thing.
-
she dosnt care. just talk!
-
-
RULE-FIVE:
Men are less emotionaly-Literate.,
they read-emotions less, they use less
emo-words.
so it takes HIM longer to get from
head-to-heart, he wants the right-words
on his feelings.
-
Ladies: just cuz He dosnt know how to
'say it'...
dosnt meen he dosnt 'feel-it' for you.
-
You (Lady) need to tell him: this is
what i want to say, this is how i feel.
do you want to talk about it now?
or in the morning? Re-schedule-it.
-
dont sit on-top of him and 'talk'.
tell him what you want, maybe go-over
the topic for 5-min to get him
'warmed-up' to it. the set a time for it.
Re-schedule.
-
'NOT-Re-scheduling' is when the biggist
fights occur...dont say no, say later,
and 'when'. (.men 'appreciate' this.)
-
example:
she says:
the kids are coming,
i didnt like the problems
last time with step-mother,
I-NEED 5-20.min.going over the details.
-
why do this?
1.cuz now he knows what you want.
2.he can plan for it.
-
mis-understanding each-other leeds to
fights and neg-lect. and both begin
socialy-searching for some-one else.
-
dont say 'lets talk'.
it makes men feel safer if you warn-ahead
'WHAT' you want to talk about or do.
it makes him 'willing' when he knows
'WHAT' he is in for. in a conversation.
-
--p8--
-
TiP FOR MEN:
not in mood to talk? Re-schedule it.
dont say:i dont want to talk about it.
make her feel you do.
- - -
MORE on taking and communicating:
when men say:
'you are always interupting'
cuz you listen and comment between lines..
-
He 'WANTS' to finish to-a-point.,
not let-you jump in and detail..
(like girls do to each-other)
-
? THAT 'EMOTIONAL-MAP' in
making Love work.
-
women:
say 'is there anything else you want to
tell me or say?'. WAIT till he is done.
men 'appreciate' this.(get egg-d). and
women shood leeve-a-way for the man to
know when 'HE' is interupting.
-
-
ANOTHER mistake we women tend to make:
we 'tend' not to be very 'direct' in
the way we communicate. we like to
hint-hint at a topic or issue.
-
we do-not 'ASK' for what we want..
and then wonder why we do not get it.
-
example:
Lady wants to suggest 'commitment' to
her man, but just 'suggests' it by
talking about two-others who did.
'isnt that great!'she says.
'yeah,?..thats great' he says.
-
then woman starts crying and telling
him how aweful she feels, and you
dont love her, and male
totaly dosnt get what she said.
-
girl:you are hinting and hope-ing,
and he dont-got a clue. 'YOU' need
to be 'direct' (hard4females).
-
do-it. even if it makes him choke.
'i want to consider a commitment or
closing this relation-ship, and we
need to set a time to talk about it.'
-
'DI-RECT' is what HE 'needs' and wont
understand if you just say: wwwwhhhm
im-having-alot-of 'feelings' lately.
-
-end-
-
--p9--
Male:what the Hell is she talking about?
LAdys TIP:be specific, you will feel
impowered.
- - - -
OTher Secrets of Opposite Sex:
Ladies need to feel they make
a difference.
Men need to feel they are
'doing-well.'
and we de-prive each-other of these
shows of praise.
-
Man:let her know she does,and how.
women:let him know he does his vision
well.
-
WHY people cheat and have affairs:
its not for sex...
women:'LOOK' for someone who makes
them 'feel' the relly make a differnce.
Men 'LOOK' for girls that like what
they do.
- we all want to feel like treasures.
:::my commnet:
the 'feel' above meenz..not 'logicly'
as in 'facts' statistics, but 'feel'
as in 'emotional' responses.
maybe:the praises she gets per-hour.
or till satisfied. praises given how
and when she wants them. not over.
not less. not fony.
-
::casset tape continues:
.'FEEding' Love.goes-a-long-way!
(prep?see my tape-program how2feed
it verses how to starve-it))
-
cuz when women feel un-loved...
they close-up..and males must then
forget-about sex.
Men: dont be 'emotionaly'lazy
(.quiet.)
you know what we want.
you know the little-things that
you do that ticcle-us, our affection.
verbal,showy, emo-tion.
dont make us 'beg' for it.
-
even if you dont 'feel-right' when
you do them...you will feel better,
and you will feel more in-love.
-
if you dont-know what those 'things'
are..'ASK!':what are the little-things
i can do to make you feel more loved.
We Will TELL you!. We (.girls.) got
a big long-list of them.
-
--p10--
becuz of 'THESE' (entire study) differences...
'having'sex can be very-complicated...
follow an emotional-road-map,
know when to stop and start...
where...and for who..and to do what.
-
((see our 'making-love-work' program))
SEX is a symptom of a good-relationship.
not the 'goal'.
-
what contributes to a good sex-life:
TIPS: get some, ask! Male and Female.
we have 'really-different'ways of even
viewing-sex.
top-1:womans complaint: wait until friday
to start love-touching us...and 'expect'
us to be 'turned-on'.
-
but if you dont-say 'i love you',
your-beautiful, and other things
all-week, friday will be no-deal.
you must deposit!,build-up that
love-bank to a hi-charge...
start early, and what-you-put-into it,
WILL turn back to you, when it has
set awhile.
-
top-2:dont 'Rush' HER. dont go from
first-gear to fourth (like men do.)
take hours. 'check-the-roast'
do a little kissing, ask her if she
is reddy, if not, keep kissing where
she says.
a little more here, and more there.
-
Love-the-moment...Not the goal.
-
top-3:Men have sex, the dont make-love.
try 'talking', passionate words,here,
there,women like it.(?)when you talk
and have sex at the same time: eg.
this feels good, i like it here with
you, you are beautifull.
-note: adding a sentence or two
AFTER-ward can 'REELY' make a diffence
to a woman. so say somthing flattering.
-
--p11--
top-4: MEN sLuuR, picture-lust, and
leek their affections, give 'looks'
to other women.
Men: when you do this, you are not
investing in your relationship\marriage.
you are investing in a fantasy.
focus-it on your partner,
you will feel it,
and you-WILL be rewarded in time for
your submission. (judgment: from her
of from God?)
-
TOP-5:Mens complaints: women always
need a 'BIG-Production' to make-love.
eg.movies,novels,feed-back.candles,
wine,stories,candies.
Note to Women:sometimes, its good to
just 'have-sex'..just 'do-it'.
to keep-him around for when you WANT
to do-it 'YOUR-WAY'.
note:- men make love more often, if you
have sex more often. And men 'LIKE' the
spontaneous response of you just
'WANTING-TO-be-with-them',(!)
skipping all that:'i got-to do my hair,
do my nails, get in the mood' stuff.
-
even if you are not-in-the-mood. oR
dont feel-right about it at the time.
-
Men 'LOVE' it when the woman takes the
initiative to have-sex, and not 'always'
be the ones to suggest or start it up.
oR having the responsibility of ...
'making-the-calls'...suprise-him!
-
TIP-three: Men are Visual!
You 'can' argue (inside) about 'what'
they 'LIKE' to see, but they 'do' like
what they-see.
so..'FIND' out what those things are,
wear-it, act-it, let-him see it.
(.good-god! who wrote this? Satan?)
-
--p12--
Men get turned-on 'at-the-eye' first.
women get turned-on 'at-the-mind'
(.oR.? body?)...this makes a BIG
difference...
-
Men 'HATE' when women dont know their
own bodies, and expect the guy to know
what to do. he dosnt have one of those
so he dosnt know.
-end-
- - - -
TIps For Getting the Most
out of this tape:
1:write it down, go over it, discus
them with your partner, correct, or
add personal things to it.
2:make commitment to 'USE' these.
say: i will try to give more TIME,
more patience, get into details.
3:acknowledge the changes, thank them.
Love the little steps each makes.
-
closing: i believe God put two sexes
on Earth for a reason, to be like a
mirror to each-other, to teach balance,
to stretch us in the directions we
need to go, appreciate the differences,
understand them, learn from them,
use them.(.to go foreward.)
to stretch yourself and stretch your
heart to make 'Love' work. Both Men and
Women...Together.
(audience appluds...tape shuts-off)
-
:::my comments: emo.tone.emo
women?follow the emotions of her location
or reeds them from the people about her...
and can be used to guide her into yourself.
-
tone: if you tell a dog to go-away, but you
say it in a cheer-ful 'tone' it comes2you.
they dont follow words well...they follow
the-tone of the situation.
-
body-language:women use body-language to
talk also..both tone and body-talk may
explain why some 'guys' boast they can
'Make' a girl love them in just moments.
-
animals do this, gestures tones, and
it saved-me many times. teaching each-other
to understand tones and body-language
can help you avoid hi-risk situations.
-
other note: some girls claim not to be 'EMO'
cuz they know guys dont understand that,
and wood be turnd-off...i think thats
what EMO meens...i heer it on blogs alot.
-
-no end.-
girl-boy study closed by
reading Romance-Novels.
it felt strange just to
have one in my hand.
novels 1970's to Today.
it blew my mind...
not just the words...
but how-they used them.
-
Ripping up the female mind,
making me emotional also.
-
they wanted a book sold.
killing trees and
man-kind to do it.
-
but...in-it...
i saw the danger.
of my-own 'girl-boy' playing.
-
danger beyond belief.
-
mans evil-heart...
magn-ified...
one-million times...
-
i felt so small.
-
choking me with doubts
that i cood do anything.
-
i didnt know the heart
cood be its own downfall.
-
teezing it, instead of
care-ing for it.
-
- - end of study -
-
my first-impressions of this,
were moved to the end of
the quik-references.
frtl1-08.txt - - - - v1-21-08 2pm: female infertility dreams...by a male.
the sense-s behind this tale
are moved to the ending.
so lets go right into the fantasy:
dear fantasy girl,
i had a dream.
it was you last night.
you removed everything.
you let cold-night air chill you.
you crawled a-lone into
the sheets...sliding them
all threw you.
you took your favorite
dream-boy-thoughts with you.
and i used them to wake you.
-
the kisses started around your
mouth, and i pulled on your hair.
moving up to the ear,
till kisses slid down the neck,
and to the nearest breast,
making it stiff. and pulse-ating.
-
i grabed what oils i cood find
and began hand-rubs like
no-one-else can.
all-over-you those hands went,
gliding and pressing lightly,
feeling for maximum-sensations,
causing your weak shaking body to
'pull-tightly'
for more.
-!-
-
till the moments came,
when you absolutely need-ed a male.
-
all your members became so hot
and hungry for a male i thought
you were going to -Burst-.
squeezing you wood have
instantly given you an orgasm.
touching you once-more wood have
completly sent you reeL-ing.
and twisiting into a gushing exta-cy.
-
but i did it not.
-
instead... i watched you there.
beating and throbing for just
one more...
- .
and i gave it not.
-
i watched your eyes as you
sat there crying-out for
the final-blow...
- .
but i had no mercy.
-
you slid along the edge for
what seemed hours..
and i held you there.
till the passions began to
sink...settle..and die.
-
it was cruel.
-
and all the way down..
your eyes pleeding to me...
to get you back up.
and over!
-
.
but you were left alone.
-
die-ing in your own
affections.
die-ing in my arms.
-
your breathing returned to
normal, and you never felt..
worse.
-
-
this happened again and
again..all night...till
you were hanging fruitless
in my arms.
stab-ing you with
my self-control till
you truly died.
-
-
and this happened again!
'every' night. untill your
unfruitful-juices were mine.
and you were use-less to
any other boy, but me.
-
i soon had no more oil.
so i just used your own juices
to get myself hard. wiping
them all over me and enjoying
the free-slide your woman-hood
makes for me.
and then peeking and spilling
and going over the edge
several times, right in
front of you, knowing you wood
never be able to. leaving you
behind...help-less,
childless.
-
i did this to you every night
till you emotionaly-dried-up...
unfruitful...in my arms...
-
till there was nothing left
of you but boy-juices.
-
when i woke from the dream
there was nothing left of you,
but...boy-juices...for me.
-
-
other males came by to Laff at it,
and brought with them girls
more fruitful, more pleasing than
yourself...
-
and there you were,
left alone.
in your sheets, in your bed,
in the night,
watching the stars.
go by.
-
prooving again, that boys
always win... in the end.
-
end of infertility dreams.
end of tale
end of story.
it 'is' the end...
even tho, when i lift up my hands,
i can still feel your heart and
parts, sliding thru them, the
rub-rub-rub never ends, its like
a feeling...still beating,
in my hands.
-
-
ending information:
sense-s behind this tale:
what-exactly was i thinking,
when i wrote this?
more about males:
Males do not want children...
yet they have great passions
for a woman and fear-terribly
that one will strangle his
ability to make seed.
i have had terrible-dreams
of a girl grabbing the nuts
and 'squeezing' all the life out
of them.
letting 'who-knows' how many
generations of beautiful women
that were inside those balls
spill-out,
slide down her hands and mouth
and dry at her toes die-ing.
and then making me dye also by
day-ly strangling me between
her members to get pleasure and
watching me suffer and die seedless
in her hands also, as my seed did.
-
yes...boys push their 'fears'
to the extreem...always wanting to
know..how much pleasure and power
a male body can give and feel.
-
but also this tale was written
to proove to myself that girls dont
have-to always win in my fantazees.
(.cuz they always do.)
-
i am 'limited' to a boys fears,
but i-can 'guess' at what makes
a girl 'shake'.
-
in the end:...we like 'making'
these fears...our fantaseez...
-
and using them...to get more HoRny,
act more sex-ag-ressive,
and get more pleasurable...
by pre-tending to defend-ourselves,
from what we cannot-hide:
-
a craving for finding 'submission'.
under Him...or.. under Her.
-
-
and i hope this talk ends.
-
cuz of all the things we got
going for us in this world.
sex-attraction
must be the 'leest'.
-
small dosnt meen 'un-important'
it just meens...
...um.
'leest.
-
we (.male+female.)
got better things to do.
-
-
but...
with all these male-fears i
hope you understand why the
tale turned out..as it did:
mixing female-sensations
with male-fears.
-
it meenz i need a girl to write
it..correctly.
-
-
also..
-
i think i missed the point
that girls dont-have a point.
and enjoy one part, as much as
another.
-
they enjoy 'the moment',
but males prefer the end.
-
.um
-
we think different.
-
-
(see gendr1-08.txt or some
-other nfo on 'understaning
the opposite-sex')
-no end-
-
well, ...o...k.
there was one other motive.
-
i wanted to see if its
possible to freighten-a-girl
into having-fornication.
-
doctors do similar tricks
to get their patients hooked
on somthing they dont need.
-
but i did it to make the girls
go crazy.
-
it may not be possible.
posting somthing to get them
screeming.
-
i do know 'girls' are good at it.
when using words on guys.
and it hurts!
like when they say...
'you dont got the 'balls' to do
anything right.'
-
-
uuhgh!
-
that makes me so...
...'angry-humpy'..
(.is that a word.?)
-!-
.
i just hope i find...
a 'come-back'...
to such a heavy verbal blow.
-
using my own fears,
-
as a gide.
-
-
um.
i also sense most girls
have a terrible-fear of being
knifed..oR stab-bd...
even cutting themselves to
get that...feeling?
-
i tried to use that in my
tale..but i dont know how.
-
secretly... i want to understand
girls... so i try stuff.
-
but now i will leev-it to the
Romance-Novel Rite-rs.
who get tips from reeders.
-
ever notice how some Mix..
Romance with Murder.? (stabs.)
-
what does love got to do with
killing people.?.
-
guys cant see the connection.
and we dont got a body that
worries about it.
-
hear that Ladies?:
if we cant figure you out...
its cuz
we got good reasons.
-
picture posing with a
pair oF double-handled
walnut-shell nut-cracker
and a big-smile
isnt going
to help.
-
...(panic.)
-
girls also got strange...
connections to this earth
that i cant figure out:
-
moon-cycles, mineral-cravings,
life-support-systems,
mother-force-energy,
health-problems,
unusual nature-calls,
sensitivity to growing things,
a longer life-span...
all this..
and a body that has to be
beautiful attractive and
some-how...more frail.
than a man.
-
its a wonder-woman.
its a wonder they can
even stand up with all that.
its a wonder how much
we males miss.
-
maybe they feel sorry for us.?
-
i can try some words...
but only a male can
understand them..
i heard-them and it
makes guys owful HoRny.
-
they go like this:
-
She kept the male layd,
and on his back to do this,
his legs apart or together
it dont matter.
-
cuz she had the whole member,
in a pony-tail.
balls and all were up,
cuz she had it tied up.
-
the queen kept her
hand flat-out and
and pressing the males member,
sliding down it to the base,
and down further,
-
pressing even harder into the
balls till they came up
between her fingers
-
and still kept sliding,
pulling them along till
they popped back down
painfuly, and then pressed
by the palm.
-
sometimes stoping to hold
the palm pressed tight
down on the bag.
holding it like that while
the other hand....
-
her other hand was
giving the blow-job.
stoaking the
nob-end till big and solid.
-
then the other hand.. continued
the flat-hand re-peats.
-
some-times both hands working
at the same time.
to keep the male painfuly
excited...
-
but i think it was the words she
used...males have a hard-time
re-turning the favor, they cant
talk-well when they are focused.
-
but a woman sure can...
she probly cood be
listening to her girl-friend,
and doing all this to you at
the same-time...
-
women are 'multi-tasking'
-
anyway... male was excited enuff.
but it was her words that did
him in. and finished him off.
-
she kept saying those sexual-
threats that males always
like to tremble at and are
afraid of fighting.
-
like...oohw..im going to rub
your nuts clean.
-
im going to pull all your
beautiful women out of your
balls and
drain you of all your seeds.
crushing them forever
between my toes.
-
taking them away from you.
and watching your little
seed-maker die with them.
one stroke at a time.
-
holding you till all their
life is gone, and all your
life is dying in my hands.
-
one year at a time until
you also, fall seedless
before me.
-
-end-
Yikes!
-
you dont know how much a male
fights to let her have seed.
when she talks like that.
he puts all his male into it.
to proove her wrong..
and secretly hope-ing..
she wins.
-
its a horrible teeze...
a pretend-play that leeves the
poor male gasping for breath
and trying to re-peat it
over-and-over...
-
its a horrible way
to find out how much man
he has... inside.
its emotional to him.
a love-hate he cant forget.
-no end-
now maybe you know
-why-
the dream-story got
like it did.
-
You've scene the worst, Now may-I-den?? give you my best.< a wish.
A-bridge-d>
Vision: ear to twat, I am searching the atmosphere for answers, You are reading out-LOUD.
We are Good team. Now, I read, You sweat/need water. I thrive in heat. You want under my skirt, I understand that and want my skirt over You. Then We agree. I feel rushed, You want the rush. Then We agree.
I tell you what to do, You do-nut agree. I Do when you tell me. That turns me...ON...too.
Your head keeps me stabled while My arms keep You going.
Indoors I get cluster-fucked.
Outdoors You can-nut push me over and "ram" me as hard as you'd love two.
This might go-on for some time. A lifetime if we are blessed or carefull enough to abide the rules.
We can still cum together on this.
Do You agree?
VISION: a return to primitive lifestyles. a popular decision. the revote-alution-soul-ution.
GOOD guys/gals ALWAYS win. 'Evil'(i DO-NOT believe in this) thrives in the dark.
In Light of This...We embrace differences (mental/physical/chemical/spiritual...)
Hard-Work and Faithfullness will prevail.
Bad guys/gals are lazy.
Life requires ambition to think/see/feel/hear/smell past the negative/dark.
You can always have More. You can never have less.
(Think Tea)
Here is what I want You to DO to me.
FEEL FREE. A woman loves to know her-man can take-care of himself, especially when He has Her in mind.
Then when it is Good to make Peace and/or Love...it is ALL More Gooder.
Less 'angry-humpy' (Webster 2009).
-no-edit-
more late-r
y/n/:-)
--
words108.txt - - - - v1-29-08 7pm siR-iching 'Her' and finding...
more than the world.
v1-28-08 6pm 27002 day5
v1-27-08 6pm 24325 day4
v1-26-08 1pm 15404 day3
v1-24-08 8pm 10102 day2
-
-total shock-
-(...)
the-'HER'
has posted !
it included:
Po-Em: Little Tree House,
Please build for me,
A house in a tree...
-
Its not 'Rite' to take messages
and Rip-them apart like i did.
looking for hidden meenings,
and secrets lost for so long.
-
but i was Red-dy.
-
its more...
its not english...
its not words.
.
not to me.
-
it was the long-est mess-age
i have. ever. Red.
-
cuz i layd it down b4.All
the lords:
the-boy the-brother the-lion.
i stopped at each part of
the message. and each Lord
gave different inputs.
de-tails...
and each told me things.
-
things i dont 'dare' put
into words.
-
Near every sentence i paused:
wow! what ? did it feel like..
to Her.. to type this part...
-
till i was typing it too.
-!-
-.
-.
By the end of the message...
(two days for a guy)
the-lion was throb-ing.
the-brother was sing-ing.
the-father was weep-ing.
and..
the-boy was mad as hell!.
-
-
'she' dont know...
i reed gendr108.txt
.
-
iAm growing a...
'female-view-point' of..
what was be-hind some of
those words...
-
and 'that' ree-ly 'broke' me...
.
.
.
the lords got much-more
passion-ate-ed in their views.
till everything in the
court-room..was just...
un-Bear-able.
-
for one moment i felt...
.
.
-ALIVE.
.
-
Like i was 'lear-ning' how to
REED words...for the first time.
.
.
-
be-ing in this world...
be-ing a part of its..
human-families...
never felt so..
.
..goood.
-
may-be its pre-paring me for
what-ever i must face...
since i in-sist on..
doing-things...dif-rent-ly.
-
-
and i was Rite.
.
.
you are the 'HER'..that
made it threw time.
-
i cood 'H-EaR' 'HeR' so well.
.
.
it was not your in-tention.
.
but in your effrt to 'word' things.
.and get me to see your WANTS...
.
.
i saw mine.
.
and i saw 'HeR'...
.
you ended up posting somthing
that de-fends woman-hood.
and seems to speak for them 'ALL.'
it de-fied all the
pre-sent abuse.ive. style.z.
.
even mine.
-
and im ashamed..
of my 'own' fanta-see-z.
.
.
.
-
but if streem-8 is going to be
all about Rip-ing mankind up
by showing them their own heart.
.
so be it.
.
-
i just...
never felt...so...
'closer' to them..
than i do now.
-
my fore-fathers (and mothers)
are plee-ding with me
to loook...
at-them...threw you...
threw what you type-d.
and 'connect' with them.
and get a 'Loook' at just how
fool-ish...Our 'sudden' changes
are.
to our kind.
to our tribes...
(now.'U.N.'recognizable.)
-
-
'flashing' in my mind are...
images, artifacts, sculptures.
which THEY made b4u 'came'
-ALL- made by their 'own' hands.
pull-ing 1,000's of years
all-to-gether'...
.
create-ing a general-picture...
of what shood-be...
and how very-'off' we got.
(.suddenly.)
.
.
-
im so ashamed.
.
-
and then.
.
2-1-day 'meet' these people..
in my own blood..
and give an answer...
for the be-ha-viour
i was a-part of..
down here.
.
-
.
i dont 'want' to meet my
fore-fathers
my elder-brothers..
.
i dont want to be..
'gathered to them'
.
.
i will be so...
humu-li-ated.
.
..i will feel so...
:::dead.?
-
and yet...
in youR eyEs...
in your words...
i see..
.
(...)
.the-hope.
-
the elders.
they are saying...
.
give it your best.
.
Run with 'us'.
.
do 'your' best.
.
follow OUR example.
.
-
not empty promises.
not 'ex-cuses'
for WHY people do-it..
differntly-now...
-
no.
-
follow us.
you have 'us'
for an-example.
.
feel uS.. iN...
Her.
.
feel your hands..(.)
move them.. (')
they are HERE..
becuz of uS...
.
.
inside you is ALL our
history...our valor..
and our beaut-y.
.
-
when you strap your gear on.
when you collect wat-UR.
and
plants seeds.
.
you are only using 'our' hands
in-side your-hands.
.
cuz thats where We are.
thats where You are.
and thats 'How' you got here.
-
'dOnT' let them edu-cate-you
to death.. and..
so well that...
you cannot see-this.
..
who we (.man-kind.) are.
-
Stand For uS.
-
dont Let..
new.Ways
new.Adds
make you ashamed of us.
-
in all-our-Efforts
we were...
veRy-man.. and vEry-woman.
-
-
..4,000.years of -
personal Re-lee-fs
(.blogs carved on stones.)
still got the s-miles...
to proove it.
-
-
-(.new comment.)
iAM tempted2 Re-post
Her message and Po-Em:
with coments
of what the lords said.
-
example: she said:
'I like to think of myself
as a creator not a destroyer.
I need you to be creative.
However loosy goosy that becomes.'
-
be-side the 'di-rect' meening..
(.i.love.her.)
i also loook-d in-2-Her...
.
i used gendr108 to REE-d
the woman in her.
to find 'why' she uses
certain..words.
.
tho she did it naturaly..
i find it fas-in-ate-ing.
.
i wish males cood see this...
.(.un-lock it.)
-
i wood also tell you what
...the-lion.
..the-boy.
the-father.
de-tail about it.
(see.grama108.)
-
but i wont.
-
it hurts to much...
-
i dont like my stuff
re-posted with changes...
and comments.
(.tho it be helpful.)
-
NEXT...
she...plans to
add the 'detail'.
-
...little-changes to be
'appreee-she-ate-it-ed'
-
i will not stop her...
the 'HeR' inside her is
calling uS to 'destiny'
to re-shape man-kind..
no-matter what i say...
-
.
.
..just hope it dont
Turnn-out. brutal
as it 'cood-be.'
-
-
-
and also,
i wont type
'anything' like
grama108.txt
to a girl
again...
-
no-body shood be 'that'
care-ful with words.
males try to-Hard to
'word' feelings.
-
a-heart shood try to 'love'
some - other - older - way.
-
not re-wording it.
-
-
and i am soo 'Floor-d'
to think...
she may be working on it.
.
with...
'proof and perfection/protection.'
-
-
well...um.
dont do it again.!
-
the-father says U-R
care-er-ing to many
::value-ables::
to blow-it all on
the-boy...
-
-
but then...
i sense...
like me....
she is doing it...
be-cuz she loves-deeply.
and wants boys to do well.
and be well..
-
-
when she speaks...
she speaks with all the
'HeR-power'
our hungry hearts can
possibly take.
waiting for us to 'break'
so she can feed us more.
'quenching your thirsty soul.'
-
and 'my-gen.' needs to h-eaR.
it...sooo... des-para-ate-ly.
she is our L-ink.
...
and we are H-ers.
...
and she knows it.
-no end-
note:
this is how important...
a Ret-Mother is...
.
and most kids
dont get one.?
.
total-shock.
-!-
no...
total 'death.'
with...
-no end-
-
but.but.
'why' was...?
the-father weeping.?
...?
im 'afeared' to ask 'why.'
.
He's older than he looks.
and knows all about men,
even what is 'not' in books...
.
adding details to history...
cuz he knows...what men feel.
i hate him cuz
i dont understand him.
-
i pre-tend he is Not.
(.people de-nye their own
heart-parts.)
i 'do' get...
ideas and words from him.
.
but i did not 'accept' him...
till May-den came...
-
after this...
.
.
.He. wood. not. hide.
-
-(new document)
2 days later:
just re-Red words108.txt
.
.
it Feels...
odd..(.new tone.)
when red at a laytr-date.
-
it 'loookss' like i was...
.
use-zing-May-den-again
to...
search my-own hear-T.
-
n2-things i dont 'word' well
but they...'WANT' to cum.
-
i didnt 'know' i wood speak
of ancestors so defens-ivly...
.
.it sounded almost...
'de-monic.'
.
-
-
-
i guess...when a woman...
grabs you by th-roots...
you start finding out..
where them roots go.
.
.
i dont no 'why' she has that
'hold' on me...so.
.
-
she used these words:
.
'You want to know how
I feel right now?
stupid.
Now to get over that...'
.
.
this feels sim2
when i completely..
'un-did' myself.
to-her.
(.grama108.txt)
if thats what she meens by
'stupid'
.
.
-
its like...
when you go in
for yearly check-ups...
.
:::prevention now:::
meenz U-pay-less later.:::
.
except...
.
it feels..totaly...
..?..
...stupid!
sitting there..
(.on a table.)
with nothing-on...
and 'Let'ing.. some-one
'check-you-out'
-
it feels so....
(.never mind.)
..embarass-ing.?
-
she-does that to me.
even if i cant
do it to her.
(.i wanted it...to..)
-
and i feel 'special'
when i look at girls and
think words may have...
done-it to them...too.
-
.
.
(.more.)
what if soon
i 'dont' care
what is in-side me....?
-?
do i go-back to
'cold and hear-t-less.'
not to 'listen'.
not to look at truth..
when it shows itself..
mirrored in others.
is that what i want.?
-
can i 'war'
when a mans heart
i see better ?
-
will her love stop war?
-
is this what they meen
when one says:
she 'holds' a spell on him.?
.
.
.
(note: its just a check-up...
your not sposed to do-it
all the time.)
how long do these 'check-ups'
last.?
(.male wants a point.)
.
.
Her grip on me iz compl-eetly
un..earth..lee.
.
.
but if there is an..'Earth-ee'
side..
.
i woodnt mind 'feeling' that also.
-
-
you know what:
getting 'sick' from...
a cow-pox.
..infect-shun..
makes you 'in-ocul-ated'
and you wont 'die' from
a small-pox hit.
-
so let-ing 'HeR'.
infect you...
'may' offer protection.
-
.
.
.
man-kind needs its mother.
and her natural in-oculations,
defenses, and nutrition,
stored in her milk.
-
(.MaLe.)
it is to bad i can only use...
words that touch 'my' heart..
.
.
at-leest 'enuff' to type them...
.
.
and then,
Try To Re-member...
.
.
that she is doing the same.
.
.
-
i think, i will close this...
with...
a word found in 2007 diary:
'Some-times...you 'meen' so well,
you for-get...that others do-NOT!'
-
-
(next document)
Day Three: an Evil Omen.
-
'if you give a man bread,
you nourish him once.
if you teach him to plant,
you nourish him forever.'
-
a cold wind enter-d...
cau-sing 'THOSE' words
to fall
from the wall...
to the floor.
-
-
-
the un-Bear-able night
at court with the lords
ended.
.
.
.
as soon as morning came
...
the-boy was back.
-
arms folded,
eyes-narrowed.
the little-man
was steem-ing!
.
.
.
'May-den makes beautiful.'
i said.
she lets me see things...
and i...
.
.
but he began
p-r-each-ing 'Hard'.
.
as one kid wood to
another...
.
trying to win his
best-friend back.
.
.
the-boy pace-d the floor
with wild jest-ures and
the care-full word-ing only
a boy cood 'feel-for.'
.
(.eg.tree-houses.)
.
this went on for an hour.
take-ing me back y-ears...
show-ing me the rec-cords
re-sults re-turns de-tails.
.
my fate future fantasy's..
and where i fit.
.
it was very convincing-g.
.
i never seen any-one try
so HARd to pull me back
into the powers of boy-hood.
he was expert-tense-d!
.
dont you see! - he said.
she's turning you into
a 'goose-brain'.
.
next-thing you know you
will be thinking like a
girl...
.
your blog 'got' like this cuz
you are 'bias'.
.
she will flooR-you
so-bad..you...
you wont be 'bias' any-more.!
-
-
i told the-boy again...
.
'May-den makes beautiful.'
i said.
she lets me see things...
.
.
she makes me 'see' you..
she makes all my
'characters'-istics.
come-and-live,
write on-to
the screen...
and i Love....
-
no you dont! the-boy said.
you only love what you
'listen' to...
so bend your H-EaR..T
over H-EAR!...
(.this he said pulling on
one ear and twisting it.)
-
-
when the pain 'cooled'...
i was about to punch the
little dude-mif in the nose...
(.and thats 'what' he wanted.)
.
he raised his fist
and i raised mine.
.
and thats' when it broke..
.
(-!)
-
suddenly..
.
the heat of fantasy's and
boy-hood training..
flush-ded back into me...
.
and i saw it...
.
my best-friend.
.
waiting to knock-me.
.
and his eyes twinkling...
cuz he 'knew' he had
just 'won' me back.
.
for the records
.
-
--joy!
we laff'd out-loud..
.
so happy to see
eye-to-eye again..
-
kindred spirits.
.
griping each-other in
a hand-held blood-lock.
.
re-minding me that i
had given him the next
ten-years..to his services.
.
:::2007-2017.is4the boys.:::
.
as the 'best' i cood
possibly pu-t.
on my step-stone..
-
we breethed sighs of Re-Leaf..
.
and b4 the-boy left..he said:
'deuda_m'
.
'get-Rid'... of that mai-den.'
::Stay with your own Gender...
even if just Mental-ly::
-
he was Rite! and i love the
freedom.
he was Rite! its called:
being a 'gental-men'
(.i suppose..then...
acting like a 'Lady'
meens treating me
like a sister.?)
-
as he re-turned to his new
position...
i watched him walk.away..
-
-
and i thut...
where did he get his energy?
.
.
a maiden.
.
.
where did he get his looks?
.
.
a maiden.
.
.
why did i enjoy this time so?
.
.
a maiden.
-
Ho-HuM... i thut.
the-boy is right...
-
im turning into a 'goose-brain'.
She is stain-ing the sheets!
-
how can i do my best for Her...
if i dont do th-best for me?
shore-ly it is not Time to be
cawt-by-her...
shore-ly the charts indicate
no such activity...yet.
-
-
''make it fit for thyself
in the fields first...
and then build her an house''
-
as i pondered these things.
i tore the stone from my neck..
and looked for the-lion...
to place it around his neck..
-
the-lion had such long-eyes..
as if he knew i was going far
far away...again.
-
no...i thut...
the-maidn.
..is 'more' than this...
-
so i decided to give it to
the-father... his eyes full
of a deep-love for her..
a fasci-nating-force
not at all like the-lion.
-
no...i thut...
the-maidn.
..is more than this...
-
it fin-aly end-ed up...
where it Longs-2-B...
pres-sed to me again.
-
but with her face
covered...
.
.
so i wood not offend
any-one...
.
.
and all the
forces of my heart..
cood still have her.
-
the 'treasure' that
history-books
dont talk about...
cuz it was 'to' important.
-
-
(.new comment.)
oh maiden... you said:
'I needed/need to know your
level/ability of forgiveness
and trust.'
you deserve so much of it...
(sob)
it makes me sick. !
-
even in the days of 'NoaH'
even in the days of 'deudam'
even in the days of 'maydn'
god-gives...
-
but sure-ly you know 'by'
my blogs and posts...
that i have none..
take none..
and plan to give none.
you are right...
bouys feel that they are not
supposed to need anything.
so...
you are asking for...
miracles...
-
bla.bla.bla.
-
son-god gives miracles.
-
why do you ask?
do you want to see a few?
do you want to see faith?
-
faith.?
-
it meens...LEEN-ing-on
someone i dont know.
.
to do what i can-not.
.
its very child-ish.
.
.
but its the 'only' thing
that pleasur-izez son-god.
-
um...
do you...
'want me'...
to lean-on him?
so 'son-god' can love and forgive
and trust you...
.
threw-me..?
-
it wood be 'easy' for me
to do.
-
i just give him 'one' hand...
and let-you...
'take' the other.
-
-
-
your not looking for me...
you are looking... for him.
for the one who...
makes everything spin-well
and spin-right...4u.
-
-
thats.o.k.
-
i look for 'him'...
in people too.
.
.
.
thats why 'some' people
come-together...
.
.
to enjoy 'Him'
the 'SUN' shine...
in their kingdom.
.
.
.
(.sim2 when i stop..
and reed..and type..
to enjoy..-YOU-.)
.
.
He deserves...
to be in the middle..
of everything.
(why do i forget this?)
oR it cant spin properly.
.
.
...i need him.
-
-no end-
(next document)
Day Four: the Stand-Off.
.
.
Tone.Point.Plant.Trails:
-
The 'Tone' of words108.txt
is diff-rent.
(.not like the others.)
.
.
cuz inner heart-changes
continue.
.
.
:::::Fear vs. Love::::
both can-not be in the same
h-ear....T
.
.
and the May-den...
'in a sense'...
has told me to stand up...
to her...
.
.
-
the-boys back off as
this happens...
.
.
the-fathers turn...
to look the other way..
.
as if they know...
.
cert-in changes..
.
must be completed.
.
b4 i can continue...
to follow them.
-
and so i keep typing...
try-ing to re-cord...
it.
.
.
still open.!..
questions...desires...
i want to see...
a little more of heR...
...
yes...more-of-Me...
the truth..
of what i am.
of what i shood be...
(.a.truth.seek-r.)
-
but i MUST not loook
for truth threw 'HeR'...
any more!
.
.
it can-not be safe...
-
i am red-y to
::back-off::
with the-boys.
..
(it is still my Rite.)
.
.
i need the-boys.
i need the-elders.
.
.
but.
.
i need maydn.
.
.
she spake of
another message full of
answers...
which she may have posted
by-now...
but i have not red.yet
(th-boys pray me not to)
.
.
i pre-dict...it woll:
...do as she has said...
'quench your thirsty soul.'
.
then i will back-off.
-
yes...
but in WAR,
you list 'ALL'
possibilities....first.
-
i pre-dict...ssslashings
and gushings of in-tense.
size-ez will cum..
.
she 'may' woo-word me into
a strong tall stand,
and right-up to her...
to 'calm' me.
bringing me into a very
danger-ous position...
-
th-boys will
write-me-off as 'in-sane.'
a threat to the tribe.
-
my 'Male' is Resisting
simply cuz she is
not-male...and wont be.
'that' is the dark-tone
be-hind words108.txt
-
yet...
she is a creator...
and shore-ly she will.!
she just wants me to be...
'creative'...
her 'nature' can
com-pleet what im lack-ing...
tho she understands it not.
-
am i this way to her too?
what am i doing?
-
what about...
Samson and Delilah.
.
.
will mayden 'cut' me
at the
Rite moment?
(.yep.)
i dont need a 'close-shave'...
i like long and wild...
i like the priest-hood...
-
im back-ing-off...
.
what-ever 'glimpses' of her
and 'changes' she can give...
.
.
.
from down here...at her feet.
is shore-ly enuff.
i will soak it in furiously!
i am so thirsty...
and i dont 'know' why...
.
.
:::'knowing' duz-not matter:::
she has tawt me 'that'...
al-redy...
-
::words with-out a 'point'::
thats what males 'hate'
inside words108.txt
and yet. it may be a sign that
iAm giving her what she wants...
or learning-to..even if males
right now are shaking their Hed.
it is where the male is looz-ing.
and she is 'winning.'
-
i delight in HER so much...
cuz i see 'truth':
:::you dont NEEd a 'point'
to en-joy the moment...
of 'where' you are:::
eg.wake up and smell the Roses.
eg.half-the-fun...is GET-ING there.
eg.stuff along the way...
turns out BETTER than the...
destination.
eg.
egg.
.
whu?
no-point.?
no goal 2get from A-2-B ?
(.female voices say:
dont 'do' for us...
just 'be' with us....
dont you want to
'be' with me?)
-
.sorry...
The 'idea' is-not 'Male' e-nuff.
..they dont 'get' what you meen.
male wants a re-son.
-
.
but i see-threw-it now.!
en-joy them!
iam man-kind...
not just 'Male'
.
and if i submit to her...
i can see them...
and know them..
L-earn them...
and feel them...
.
she is just trying to help me
by be-ing herself...
even if it twists me badly.
-
she can heaR my screems and
gush-ings..but can-not see
why..oR how somthing so good
..wood hurt a male.
-
she must feel 'stupid' too.
-
( new comment )
i will show you 'wair' some
of her femn is soaking now.
.
some of her is slip-ing into
every area of my be-ing..
helping me to see...what is
all-around me...(tears)
what i always wanted:
.
truth.
.
i will start with logic...
since boys like it best..
then i will end with faith...
cuz god wanted it...
and man refused.
.
::Logic::
did you know!:
you got 'two ways' to
explore.and discover
this-world:
i can study somthing
cuz i got a 'point'
(.im here to get somthing.)
oR i can study somthing
cuz i simply 'want' to...
'know.what.can-be.known.'
-
'the-point'...is male.
and having 'one' keeps
people from calling you
'crazy'.
-
yet the best and most
re-warding 'moments'...
is when i packed-up
not-knowing....where
i wood go...
and just 'WENT' blind-ly.
and winning 'more' than eYe
cood ever imagine...for it.
-
-
at any 'time'
if one asked 'where.'
oR 'why' you are snooping
around...
i'd say: 'i dont know'
and they'd lock you up.
they want logic...
and they want a 'male'
answer...they dont want
you 'knowing' somthing just
cuz you can know it...
they want a 'point.'
a destination.
and that gets difficult.
cuz 'they' are wrong...
to 'always' want a 'point'
'point' isnt always an answer.
and the results are...
they live wrong...
trying to put Hope inside
a box of logic...
when logic can-not make
the world. noR explain it.
-
the world was made...
in love.
-
logic didnt open the Red-Sea.
-
god wants you to 'use' logic.
-
but i got bad news...
-
logic isnt god.
-
.
.
.
(maybe i shood listen to maydn.?)
-
(.next comment.)
i like streem-8 cuz
it points out truth...
sadly... its 'about' things
that men live and die near..
just a few feet from it..
all their lives
and never find it out.
opposite-sexes just close-off
their own differences.
supposing it shood be kept
quiet...for the sake of...
being together...
when in reality...these differnces
cood open up the world to them.
but what happens...?
the female shuts-up.
.
supposing that the man has no-heart.
and lives in fear...and 'He'..
is convinced she is mentaly-off...
and wants to kill people...
-
never discovering each-other.
-
-
(.new comment.)
to 'others' who are reed-ing
things on re-chat-streem-8
it all must be... very...'odd.'
hearts that open..
find.. not just each-other..
but the entire-world...
and its de-tails...again..
having bin lost...to the eyes
for so long...
cuz the creature forgot hoe-w
to love.
-
the mark of the beast...
meenz global-security...
-!- at your finger-tips.
man will not 'need'
faith...hope...nor charity..
just another credit-card.
-
and that....
is whenn man-kind...
.
will die.
-
-
-
thanks maydn...
for tempting me to try
'faith'
.
so i wood not die.
.
galatians 2:20
so our human-families...
can live
again.
-no end-
(.new comment.)
Planting-Seed...Hiking on Trails..
even reed-ing 'long' comments
on a blog isnt 'long' anymore...
cuz...
im not looking for 'th-point'
im not looking for what that 'seed'
can do-for-me...
im not looking at how 'short'
i can make the next trail...
im missing the point.
and im glad i did.!
cuz now i gained the world.
and the little-jewels
that lay scattered all along
the way.
-
pointy-nose-d Am-bish-un.
had such a big 'point'..
i coodnt SEE the jewels..
ignored them...trampled them..
and i lost the world...
.
cuz i liked my nose.?
-
-
-
::point-less::
is just ONE small con-cept..
i have picked up from maydn.
she shore-ly hidez many more.
she is desperatly searching
for expressions... to make shore
i get more...
and hit-ing a few 'points'
to re-mind me i do her good.
(.if i cood.)
-
she dosnt need to 'Try'...
her woman-hood radiates strong...
even when she changes tone.
truth just comes out of her more.
and why i stop to listen to it...
is another mystery...
-
-no end-
maydn..?
if you want... i can 'Try'
listen-ing to you more...
i lost all connections
but your profile-picture.
try to get me back.
xanga.com\deuda_m
deudamiff@yahoo.com.au
oR snail-mail.
have i lost the point?
if i fail-d to get to the 'point'
and was not di-rect..e-nuff:
maiden...
i.wuV.You4the.tree-house.post.
(.tell.her.why.)
cuz..i 'want' to be that2u.
.and i liked
the woman-hood.tones..hiding
be-hind the words...
um.i needed to hear those
so bad.
..and if 'i'(.me.)
brought that out... of you.
than im the proud-est
Male.in.the.Tribes.
-
i hope-to reed your
'details' to grama108
soon.
.
.
so i can...
charge-up love-banks
like gendr108 says.
-
:::as 'Hi' as possible:::
-
not so i can-push you
into a male 'point'.
but cuz you tawt me...
to 'stop' along the way...
pick-up the joys..
i missed....
cuz i thowt i had
to focus..on 'one' thing:
-the end-
and missing the world...
and you.
-
-
-
im still Male.
i focus on one thing.
.
make me multi-tasking.
.
a goose-brain.
.
.
.
oR be One for Me.
-
is..gendr108. correct.?
(.secrets of the opposite-sex.)
do they work.?
do i make...
loosy-gooosy go
'Boing-Boing'
???
-
i just wish other Males
cood h-eaR..iT.
.
.
maybe your details
will give-me the clue.
-
what pleezes THEM
what pleezes YOU.
-
Or may-be i shood say:
what are..
'the-little-things'
i can do...
to make you feel more
loved.
(.gendr108.)
-
-
-
im also sad that...
all your works will
be posted b4 i even
get a 'chance' to
post...
may-be you 'like'
that Re-strain-T..
cuz it makes
streem-8 turn-out
way-more than a
'chat-mess.'
-
i feel cage-d
and u-kno-it.
-
and.i.Wuv.U.anyway.
cuz you cut me free...
'inside.'
.to.No.end-
-
(.next document.)
Day Five: LooKing At You.
if i cood just say 'NO!'
i-wont-post next week.
then: all these 'questions'
wood stop.. tempting me.
(.closing the VENT.)
-
Even the Males are HurtN
to see how faR this can go.
As.they watch me
press-zing N.2. Womanhood
deeply, b4 getn knocked-out.
-
Male..again.
Reef-u-zing to do...
ANYTHING
without a 'point'
.
.
and getn angry if.
we dont see it.
.
thats us.
thats what we want.
no other world exists.
.
-
but till that moment comes...
i just want to tell May-den...
.
.
.
::Here's to 'Looking' at you::
-
-
(.next comment.)
(.still looking AT her.)
she says:
I Am human...
Please do not worship me
or lay at my feet
or place me on pedistals...
-
problem:
male:wants:female
he wants her wisdom.
all of it.
manhood...understood
by womanhood.
the missing view-point.
to un-lock the planet.
and all its secrets.
.
making her 'afeared' by
typing 'what males think'.
not 'what female-z think'.
-
withr you be treated like
queen.candy. or dirt.
(.or other preferance.)
-both-male-and-female-
need a water and seed
supply-source...
or you can forget-about...
who feels what and why.
-
she is Human.
and so are you.
-
.
.
.
so you did wrong.
telling someone what you
'feel for them.'
you gave male-word-feelings
to a female.
she can-not de-code it.
.
she has no-idea what
th-boy th-father th-brother
feel.for.her... your stuck!
let.me. help you male:
say it this way:
you have no-idea what
th-girl th-mother th-sister
feel.for.you... got it?
-
fffff
she said:
I Am human.
Though i am no Son
and could never be
anyones'Father'.
I am permitted by custom
and command to love
with all my Will/Heart.
-
see this male.?
.
type it back to her!
.
but say Mother...
not 'Father'...
and you will see\feel how
trap-d she is.
-
-
now the part i can do...
is love...we both can.
stand-under that.
-
yes, it feels Horrible...
to have some of E-ar-ths
greatest-secrets...
(.principles that cood change fate.)
lock-d up in the opposite gender.
and no way to reach them.
and only a few hand-presses away.
-
and re-chat-streem-8 try-d
to connect them...
but ulti-mate-lee...you will
need her with-you. and
'let-heR' take care of 'parts'
that make this world work.
parts in Nature
you(.male.) can-not see.
.
needing her care.
-
at-leest you try-d.
-
and i will 'try' to close this
girl-boy study again....
and the VENT.
-
(.next comment.)
No-one can say:
'iM just no-good.'
-
a heart that can love
more than 'itself'...
has....
some worth.
-
the test...
is when 'self'
must die
oR.be.at 'RisK'
to let someone-else
have room.
-
and make your hear-t big.
cuz im expecting a-lot
.
whole-tribes...
strangers.
.
and people that had
just a lick-of-faith.
in their bones.
-
even while the world move-d
suddenly...into darker-ness.
having no-hope, no-fear-of-god,
and their children...
in them was found...
no-faith.
-
the test:
great-r love has no one
than this:
than to lay-down your life...
for your friends.
-
and you are-mine
if you do stuff i say.
-no end-
-
dear May-den...
i reely messsed up.
didnt i.
i got no way to view-you
correctly.
putting you to high...
than to low...
-
all angle-z of you is
fasi-nating to me...
but son-god hates it.
cuz he took you from
the males RiB.
which is under the Arm..
and Neer the Heart.
-
Rite where you shood Be.
-
-no end-
-
-
(.next document.)
Day Six: Glad-2-b-Me.
quote.girl.boy.Laff.eye-chains
input from other male\female.
-
quote and miss-quote:
im so sorry to get
cawt nib-ling on your
Po-Em: comment-post
im not trying to correct you.
im try-ing to get it down.
N-2-me....so i squeez-it.
miss-using your words...
to get all of it out...
may-be stuff you didnt see.
-
(.next comment.)
..
..this girl is ex-citing.
i want the male to think-on.her.
while i still screem for her.
not just the Native Ancest-torial
cords twisting Her Make-UP.
(.a.period of...5,823.years.)
but think male 'on' her...
:::the last 50-years:::
those most-ree-sent and critical
days and choices people made.
to make-her what she is now.
and where she is today.
may-be Male...you shood look-N-2
her...that-way..
...one.time.
-
to Help the Reel-question:
:::where do we go from here:::
-
(.next comment.)
my VENT to the queen...
is still open.!
-
so i will step-back..
and re-cord...
what i see happen-ing...
in-side all of us.
in-side the Male.
and every Male.
in all history.
-
...Today:
...its the-boy!
...he enters..
...he approaches the queen..
-
my in-sides get 'Tite.
.
.
i feel myself ch-oke.
.
.
cuz i knnnow!
he wants nothing-2-do
with Her.
-
He is 'the-last'
i wood expect to SEE
-HeRE-
kneeling b4 a queen.
-
-
so i keep myself hidden...
and raise the re-corder.
hope-ing to catch what
he will say...
-
-
the-boy wants you to knoe:
.
.
Dear Queen...
(.the boy is shaking all-over
terribly.)
Please dont Hurt my Friend.
Please Let Him Go.
-
I dont KNOW what you
are doing to him.!
-
Please dont Kill Him...
How Come He wont talk to Me.?
is he dying?
will he get better.?
-
Pleez Let him go... Pleeez!
(...click.)
-
-
-
it was here that i stopd
the re-cording.
and just sat...
waiting for the moments
to end.
-
the same Arm that had grip-d
me so strongly in years gone-by.
was now trembling...
clasping desp-aratly to me..
to help me get him...
away from the queen.
-
........ ...
.... mmm...
mmmhu!
mmmhu.
fffff
-
what horrible
emotions flood me now.
.
.
what was it...
what was it i saw...?
-
i had to let this sink...
n.2.me.
what did i just see?
-
-
then came....
A-lot of heart-searching.
-
and one thawt:
(.-.)
please.please.
never do that again.
NEVER put that out
on screen.
again.
-
females may wonder at it.
may-be happy to see it.
but a male cant BE
exposed like this.
its deep-est meen-ings.
-
it was all to-much 4me.
-
Im shut-ting down.
-
i see now what im doing to
my best friend.
-
(.next comment.)
do you know ? why people LAFF.?
cuz they see somthing is not-RITE.
cuz part is out-of-place...
-
THATs What makes it 'funny.'
-
-
Have you ever seen someone LAFF.
cuz somthing was RITE.?
.
.
Nope.
.
and why?...cuz Evil makes men happy.
good-things dont.
-
Truth dosnt ticcle people.
...so why look for truth.?
.
am i evil too.?.
-
Even in your Po-Em.
i sensed a Witch, a Wore.
and adultery.
(.if not the spirit.)
-
what sort of people follow
son-god.?
sinners, harlots, theives.
-
who was the best
soul-winner.?
his deciples?
nope.
a woman at a well.
she had-had five-husbands...
and a new man is with her
-NOW-.
she got ALL her town
inter-rested in son-god.
but his deciples...
cood only think of fish!.
not people.
-
so what good are idiots...?
(.um.i.meen...deciples.)
-
only this:
:::he.loved.them.:::
-
thats where i get 'my' value.
.
.
.
when i know son-god...
loves to have me.
-
only-then..
do i get2 WANTing
a girl...
for the Rite re-sons.
-
and now im back-ing off.
cuz i dont under-stand.
what im doing...
what it will-do.2 the-boy.
i need examples to follow.
i see none.
-
i see plenty.
but they are all bad.
-
there is nothing to LEEN-On.
.
(.next comment.)
EyE-Ch-A-IN-s...
my heart has no protection.
so evil goes straight for
the eyes.
-
Blind your opponent...and
the rest of the war is easy.
-
and you can see what it does
to people all around.
instantly control-ing them.
-
musicK is a power-full force2
-
so i try to avoid it.
-
at-least i can shut it off.
-
but a woman is different.
-
im getting warnings from you
and from all-over...
that women can
'control' you.
-
going straight for the eyes!
if possible.
-
a lite-thing to a woman.
but deva-stating to a man.
-
the chains go
rite in one eye..
and out the other.
-
and after i saw the-boy
weeping b4 a queen i knew...
i must shut-off the pictures.
-
i HATE this whole boy-girl
study. and streem-8
cuz it was sposed to ticcle.
when all it does is show:
the heart and how bad it is.
may-be how2 protect it.
-
when folks dont WANT protection.
they rise up to play.
their heart...has little value
to them...
and destroying others is funn.
-
not know-ing that...per-haps
the-god who knit them together...
wants to love them so.
and watch and stretch and let
that poor heart...grow.
-
im also aware that man is now
'born' with faults, and evil.
Satan found a way to Father.
and no remedy is known...
to break...
his control.
- -
and make our hearts...
as white as SNOw.
(.that.frozen-blu color.)
that-paper.
clean-enuff to write on.
-no end-
-
May-be it was good to open-Up.
but by-god...
as i live and be a man.
i wont let it out again.
-
till the great
day of god-almighty
when all hearts will
get ripd-open.
-
look around you.!
people want to WAIT...
until to Late.
-
damnation in Hell and Graves arnt
just popular.
its-bang'N!
-
the gates are THunder-Ring
people are pouring threw theM
like it was some kind of
MASS-EXodus.
-
-
till what-ever is coming...
has fine-aly....come.
-
-
male and female
wont meen a thing...
in that moment.
-
(.next comment.)
yes.
i am try-eee-ing
to find some other
words 4-Her be-side:
'queen' and royalty.
-
she is not satisfied.
-
i have no ex-perience.
at it so...
give me words.
dis-appoint me.
.
.
cuz then i will have...
plenty of WORDS for you.
.
.
.
but with the same heart.
.
.
..um,
is that to Male.?
-
(.next comment.)
this year is dedicated...
to the-boys.
but this 'girl-boy' study
i dedicate to all Earths
children.
to the clay-people.
to know them, and how much
Hope is left in them.
-
a creature that duznot fit-in.
any-more...
Lost and Love(d) by its Maker.
with no way of getting them
back.
-
(sob)
:::i want may-den:::
-
if i cood drop Her into some
Amish-Mennonite oR Intentional
commune...where i know she
wood have plenty of friends and
pressures to do-Rite.
-
i cood visit Her...
-
but im so busy thred-ing my
own Re-TRibe.s...
i cant.
-
i almost want to qwit for heR...
and Re-visit these people...
with HeR.
-
But i like what I'M doing...
its simple... di-Rect.
and i got heart for it.
-
so i Listen...care..fully.
:::H-Ears-to-the-Mud:::
-no end-
Listen To Your Heart.
I hear, I listen. That is ALL.
i sea your eyes. i hear your words when you are-nut speaking them. How does any of this feel/think for me? You tink i've ever come close to anyting like/love this before, You tink i can grasp All of this feeling and make total senses of it All?!? Well, i wish i have and i hope i might. i spent many many nights asking/PRAYING for a void to be filled. I feel this void not in my sexlife but at the market, in church-buildings, in groups of long-time friends, between mother-and-children, in sworn marriages, in education. In myself. I look and listen around... ALL around.
'Good is not lost, it is We whom are hiding.' ever heardt that before?
My challenge is to come out of hiding...and yes...i have a vagina...and let me tell You...it's a great one. Never a disease, miraculously functional, very pretty and quite nice...hear...have a look.
You Know, Iam More than that too. Who'd ever believe that? Butt it is True.
In some alien-ating way I have this urge to give You what I have. What I have is powerfull.
Want to know the secret to my power?
(Iamnot afeared to give it)
"Give it away" --yah, i was afeared you couldn't believe that either. try it-not with me. Give to your boys...give it to my bouys...please...you R-Good at it. Great: in fact.
Oh you sweet dear person-a. Put the differences aside for a moment/minute/lifetime.
i will fight for what i believe in. i will fight for You if that is what you need. (i hear no cause to fight only need to surrender)
TRUST: I need to feel that with you.
TRUTH: You speak it.
FAITH: My heart will beat again. The Sun should rise. There are taxes to pay. Some day i may die.
(I Now choose where I place my Faith, where I make my Peace, how I give my Love.) Very very person-al.
My Relationship with my Will is closely related. I can-nut see Him through You. I see You through Him. Makes no anyhow difference to me...You see. Because in my mind You are Him, sow are my Trees, the Air, the Rock, the Electricity causing my fragile Heart to want to Explode , but stays Complete.
Let me apologize for my delays now. For my in-ability to speak-up. For my wanton. (REad how you Will) I wanted to come to your place. To show you appreciation. To hand you my heart. To share my dreams and wishes. To stimulate your mind and energize your body. I want that in a very bad-way. I wante-d that^^^.
I thought-[past=tense]i was being presumptous, voluptous, temptous, and un-lady-like. Sow I didn't want to reap that.
Keish? :-) Now I now what is need.
I knew-not...that I loved you. I knew-not...how2loveU. Oh I-new how to L-O-V-E.
U: now-I-know that is a different type of story.
A Love Story.
You C I let go in hopes that A path might ap-ear again. Something More Honest. Less Force. Allthough Now i see that Force might have done the trick.
Please Sea that i use no tricks. i have them, yes. Am i 'a trick'?
May--U sea how offensive that makes me.
A world that is full of deception, falseness, shame<<< All gone Now! "It Is What It Is." Feel that. It Is OK!
Let your Boys Know!
Let them Sea how to
Read through the lies,
Hear the Truth,
And cast doubt aside.
That is Power. Bouys need/love power.
Still love. I love it!
"and if i submit to her...
i can see them...
and know them..
L-earn them...
and feel them...
.
she is just trying to help me
by be-ing herself...
even if it twists me badly.
-
she can heaR my screems and
gush-ings..but can-not see
why..oR how somthing so good
..wood hurt a male."
In submission to You: Can you hear my screams, gushings, hurts? Do you know how my chest aches and my stomach twists and my mind warps in attempt to find You, feel You, SEE You? Iam afeared that you do-nut know/care what you do to Me. Very...very slowly I find hope that You Do.
IF YOU DO NOT...then you truely are evil. If that is what it is...that is OK too. for you can only be what you are. the Holy-Wood only lasts for so-so-long, then it RET-urns to its nature-state. every day, all the time, always and everywhere. :-)
Now...please know, i wood meet you anywhere (half-way is always best)
Now...please understand, if i thought for a moment that any of this was untrue, well, i would not be hear. I have my way of 'KNOWING', sow do you. (two?)
Now...please realize that the co-mputer isnotwurking 4 me. All-though the telephono is also co-mputer...You Know what? Fuk dis...i just want to hold your hand. thats it! alright? IM sick of crying and IM tired of wondering day and night.
Besides...
RET girls do-nut belong on electronical useless devices. We hate them! We throw them out the buggy window and then have the stampede fix em'.
Our dildos are WOOD. (there i said it-deal with it)
--
More to cum.
Wish I cood do more right Now! butt I need to go cook something.
Peace In
Left Off...
{all--right-just click 'send' now---let Good-Nature work out the kink- ohhhhh...i do luv it!!}
--
Sow i push 'send' and spend the next 30 minutes fighting with these archaic pieces of machinery, sitting next to teenagers trying to soak in the meanings of the universe.
--
not sure how much better this can get. lead by example has seemed to work best.
--
Fine-Tuning is a Gooder technique than quitting.
--
Success!!
--
The way i'd envisioned it:
there are no weeners are losers only the spread-space-dash in between.
Satan can believe he is a weener (or looser) because, well, that is FREE WILL. Good-God He never gives up. Even if the minor punctuations might imply so. Eternity is...well..limitless.
please stand under that and feel pleased.
--
Have I shown You that I love U today, tomorrow, in commercial, and in doubt. That is what I need for You.
--
Friend?
--
[{{you can't be friends with boy, he just wants to split you up the middle and cause you pain. make you work for it and then say you didn't do it good enough. all his failures cum from your vagina. all your failures make the world weak and untrustworthy. don't type him anything just accept the pain and work-on}}]--
sweet-little-lies-little-girl
--
deer-child,
there are liars and liars
there are deceivers and deceived
there are shamefull and shamed
All of these will cower in comparison to your beauty.
--
wow....um.
let me take that last comment
home and soak-it-in 2 days.
-
i wrote somthing
(cuz of you)
for girls and
posted at main-streem.
starts with:
bree1-08.txt - - - - v2-5-08 1pm .TRUE-LOVE.
if i cood breeth life.
into a girl...i wood say:
Locate and Support
cng-farms in your area.
c.ertified n.aturaly g.rown
www.victoryseeds.com
www.duntonfarms.com
IAM impressed by attitude.
preserve the future. -!-
one seed at a time.
-
must go now...
spring-smells is doing somthing
to me...(you know it
must zap-storm inside Rets aweful)
to feel it coming.
-(am-bish-uns)-
visions.
sick-city folk are
waiting for me to do somthing...
it feels awefull.
whatever son-god permits.
-we will see.
-
with or without me.
-
- post at streem-8: no dont!
Bring all your Joys' into
Local and TRibal control.
-
stop going to the gas-stop
to get them.
- end the madness!
- end it for many people.
-
go where local-made is sold.
...oof!
for the first time last nite...
my heart complete-ly TRUST-d maydn.
It felt good to fall n2 her hands...
that-way. (.new.gush-types.)
i probly wil-b doing that all year.
...but-only when she aint! loook-in.
(.a warning to other RETs.)
-
(.more.) I hear her words when
she isnt speaking them.
i use them to make decisions.
in battle it confu-zs people.
cuz they cant logic love, its
not...like...the world they know.
(.where love+trust is 'self'.)
in-her is another-world.
-
i want Her to www.localharvest.org
but if she needs somthing daR-ker...
galeeb has many links...
what-ever she does...
the Results: water + seed.
your-own meenz:local.
your-own dosnt meen: paid(money)for.
-
only THERE love+trust can grow.
-
but HERE i do-it back-words...
hope-ing she senses love+trust
enuff 'Two' go get water+seed.
-
(.more.)
may-b like as me: she wont go
do-it-4-herself...but she wood4
someone she loves.
-
-
thats why my year...
looks-more-like:
Snow-Black and the 7-dwarves.
-
i can do strange stuff...
if im doing it for May-den...
and th--boys.
-
(.the number-8.)
-
(.more.) maydn?..what you need4me
i have, what i screemed4 i got...
i didnt ask for heart-protection.
but its all over me. im changed.
-
...its like a V-Day...with...
-no end-
-
you have filled the streems,
the gardens,
and the Tribes...
with the most powerful CURSE
of all:
...your True Love.
-
(.more.)
you speak of failures...
and i love them all.
each one makes me weaker4U.
like.mother-child.love.
(.ho-hum.hopeless-romantic.)
you speak of TRUST.(heart)
and i hope teez-pleez.
also brings care-share.
-
(.more.)
oh.the.g-Reef!
the-hand you WANT to hold
must be painful two-You...
cuz in-side 'it-is' al-redy.
and i Sea and enjoy that Reef.
two.
-
thats how i knoe...
all is well with you.
-
A cold-self-heart feels
no pain: a funn-life,
with no feeling.
-
(.more.)
as for the 'chest aches':
fffff!
let me breeth n2U deeply.
as i did at bree108.
re-minding you to
always breeth-deeply.
when you-me get those aches.
cuz U.keep Ret-boys ALive.
their health deepends on
your-health.
-
just tell the little plants...
to grow. they will listen...
to may-den.
-
-
<3
is for me
<3
zero poly-gam-y
<3
is FREE
<3
TRUE to thee
<3
another saint day to be happy
<3
Ms. You Love You
Need-Plant-Plant-Seed
Iam sure that This-That is so huGe! Iam hoping Ican hand-le It.
Healthy S.sHe.art <3 will be Reddy Soon. Take Care. Bee-Kind REt-Wind.
I'm guessing...
by now I feel like an old comment.
I hope All is Well. She must be a lucky woman.
No one does it better than me. You won't forget that.
I will, however carry on. As I sometimes do.
I need to share how strange I think it is that something this powerful can be so easily taken for granted.
Granted.
Wishes.
Dreams.
Oh Love...what now?
When your guts spill I feel alive again. What do I give in RETurn?
stupidity (and whatever else I possibly can)
Reading your master-piece, the things I want to say...oh God, what I want to do. I started to write months ago Now, and began to realize just how HUGE this THING really is...For Me.
I have decided to take it slow and make it last. We';ll be finished when we're finished. And I'm not gonna give you some half-ass piece. I really want to start with that. I really really do. Something nice and filthy. Send you back to your drawing board to create that position.
I just don't have it in me (haha)
I'm not sure what you'll think of me in the morning.
I really don't want to lose you. Though I'm hoping that my hesitation hasn't lost you ...again.
I'd rather keep your friendly repect than lose you to my (up) tight pussy. Cat. Meow.
Women.
[Ex-sert-In)
What do women want? creativity, natural attraction, romance, to be admired, adored, submitted to, and then respected in weakness. This is so subjective and I stand firm in that I have never been wo-men. I can only be wo-man. I guess some women want a girlfriend. Person-a-lee I prefer boy-friends that are not big babies and give me respect without having to kick em in the...nutz. And if per-chance we are blessed-able to go Balling all over the the place (like a fairytale will)...well then God is Good.
--
Is it wiser to love or to be loved?
I love him but he doesn't love me.
He loves me but I don't love him.
He loves her but I love him.
He loves me but I don't love her.
I love myself but I don't love me.
Love can cause wars as well as stop them.
If you are In-Love there is no time for war.
"How will I ever tend the farm when all I want to do is keep my arm around YOU.?" []
Silly-girl,
whos arm do you think i have
around me in the wood?
-
your words still burn brightly,
with me they be.
-
i printed them and take take
them to heart...with me.
-
i got no time-window for a computer
...now
but this 'one' came up.
love and hate need water
and corn...
and its a time of big-steps4me.
-but to let may-den know...
i will say it now...
her words still burn brightly
with me now.
that includes polygamy,
which you have corrected me on
these 'three' times noew.
i heed you.(cuz it hurts)
i heed you well.(cuz you warn)
and i obey.
-you are a good Rib for me.
(heart protection)
-
(.more.)
i didnt have time to 'think'
i just 'typed' this one.
-
i love you.
you are beautiful to me.
with eyes that cannot see.
-
and for one moment
i can see the-lion again.
such long-eyes he has.
for me... for you.
-
he likes you an awful-lot (two)
not >3.
-
He feels safe with you.
-
as i do...this day.
-
as i do...this day!
-
words i remember from may-den:
(but altered here to say them back
to you:)
I love you Today,
I love you Tommorrow.
I love you in...
all my doubts.
-
water and corn is a big hunt4me.
but when-if winter\heat comes...
im... im....(out of time)
im thinking on you. (kisses)
always:
may-den...and th-boys.
-no end-
-
patience.
love.
amazing.
-
weeds308.txt - - - - v3-25-08: to be busy investing in tommorrow -IS- true-ly thinking of today, and filling it to its fullest.
people forgot how to HAVE funn.
they live-off new methods!
chop down the apple tree,
and everybody gets more apples faster!
ita a no-future world.
debt-slaves. Ret-surviving. no-sons.
-
and now its today!
forget the mess cars caused.
time to...
pick up whatever is left:
people need their water and
greens and seeds and gods.
you need to find them.
birds are a good-example.
(.always.pointing.2.good.things.)
people are a bad-example.
a strange money-system now
tells them what to teach.say.do.
mis-giding.only cuz it pays.
this perverted schooling,
drug-advice, credits, exams.
licences, etc.
i want maydn2know shes...
more than this... but how?
they control everybody!
-
wait...
there is a Ret-turn
even for you...
even for your heart.
your teacher will be:
creatures and methods
that havnt changed.
not in a 1,000 years.
out-law houses:
houses built without contractors.
are rising everywhere.
www.strawbalecentral.com
-
who are the leaders:
serv-ants tell me what is good42do:
locate local-grown foods.
trade local-made items for food.
learn to make them.
support (in-curage) activity.
the money is no good! learn2trade.
-
(.more.)
if government WANTS 90% of its
population dead...list the methods:
contaminate: schools ,drugs,sex,flu-shots
foods, money-systems.
the world-empire: Rome Sweet Rome.
common-sense is now banned! (.out-laws.)
cuz sense can tell you:
you dont drink from a pool
unless you know its source.
no matter what the pakage says.
where are these foods coming from?
what happened along the way?
why are grapefruits grown in california
stamped with a 'Texas' sticker?
why do health-officials want me taking this
or sticking it under my tongue.
who are these people.? is it really ALL...
for the money?
-
benjamin-franklin said it is the rite of
all citizins to 'question authority'.
when movie-actors become presidents
and govenors...you know its a show.
someone is running a remote.game.
wearing a 'shel' of what 'was'.
to hide what 'IS'.
but if gov WANTs to de-populate..
think: pre-lubricated condoms.
(.be very suspecious of that.)
what an easy-way to spred virus.!
and each user is blaming the other.
instead of the problem. cuz no1knew.
try fake-debates like pepsi vs. coke.
to get people to avoid
the REAL question: shood i be drinking this
stuff in the first place!
-
(.more.)
Heirlooms are foods that have
bin grown in the family for
generations...suddenly hybrids
and kids coming home from school
got better things to do.
totaly trashing a heiratage...
god forgive them not!
they murdered my hopes!...
that my community mite have
children with a strong bond
with earth plants and water.
broken by greed.
and leeving a future of kids who
will be scratching-for-life itself.
(.name-ly-us! ...rets.)
cuz you left us with NOTHING to follow...
kids that follow gov.get: med-poisoned.
and a money-system that cant buy beans!
cuz its 'rigd'.
rigd meenz:able2 change as-they pleez.
to cause recessions, depressions,
gain-control of assets, gide people to
sale there property, children, tribes.
get into agreements they 'cant' pay4.
credit,g.e.d.,grants, scholarships.
make them beleive they deserve it.
-
(.more.)
dont be content with farmers who
only 'half' use gasoline.
move them to take the next step.
beware programs that take a
step in the rite direction...
and two steps back!
-
i like hear-ing about CSA.
CSA: a method of farming started by
japan-women? who wanted to get food
'direct' from the grower instead of
the market.
the farmer is incouraged cuz he
knows now what to plant, what will sale,
and local-people are investing in his
work.
ask people: what wood you buy\trade...if
i planted it? collect your investers.
let people know they have a part.
-
(.more.)
schools and money 'were' use-full.
when old-methods of living
controled their value. 1940's ?
but now, the opposite is true:
schools and money wont let old-methods
survive.
this 'always' happens when:
[.wealth-changes-the-people.]
they become rich... they loose-site of old-ways
they become poor 'inside'..(.lazy and choked.)
they want to keep the new life-style...
but not the-way they got it.
so they must use schools and money to do evil.
to keep rich, without needing to go back
to old-ways.
-
its like an alcoholic who can no-longer
pay for what his money started.
so he must do more evil...to keep drunk.
-
i hope i said somthin girlz 'need'2know...?
rite..-NOW-.
-
(.more.)
my wealth began...when i knew son-god
loves to have me...
and promises to work these things out.
till man-kind is done? messing up.
-
and he has a place in this mess
he wants 'me' to have.
no matter how sorry it is...
its for me,
its from him,
-
else is less.
-
i got to many choices!
pick-ing only ones son-god wants
for me...
is again...another miracle.
dont let good-things
Rob you of time with Best-things.
things you want to write.
things you want another generation
to find.
may it be wonderful.
may it be me.
-
somthing Rets can hold on to.
-
(.more.)
things maydn is to me.
to help me make sure i do-do
what i shood do..all of the above.
she listens to all my extreems.
she brings balance.
she gives peace.
-
...(...)
- details:
she listens to all my extreems:
she knows im all messed up...
she puts up with it!
she corrects what she can.
i know other plants need her.
i wonder why she stops for me.
sometimes i think im growing...
and going... just for her.
- details:
she brings balance:
i keep telling her...
love needs water and corn.
or it wont grow.
but she jumps around it
and show me how water and corn
need love!...
or they wont grow either.
- details:
she gives peace.
the male is let loose...
(.cut free inside.)
to adorate her.
to shower her with praises
and kisses.
(.where-ever she wants them.)
to comb her hair with words.
and love her. (.as best i can.)
.
i have none to do this to...
and that is wrong to say...
cuz i dont want her held by
gilt oR greed.
.
i want her to be free...
.
the modern-machines do not
allow that.for her. for me.
.
but since so many are trapped
here. on a machine.
its good for me to type now..
and maybe...
ReT-turns many back...
to what shood be.
and point the way...
and make a place for them whoo
flee.
-world without end-
.
-
(.more.)
I found-ate bread without flour!
sprouted wheat-berries.
no-bake, no work, more value!.
-
I hear an Amish prayer...
at meal-time every day.
but said so often.
i doubt they think what it says.
but for here and now.
it is very valueable:
- -
Unsr Fatr M.himl.
Heilig Sei dei Namau.
Dei Villa geshay
hin Erde es V.M.Himl.
Gibt Uns heit unsr tagly Brod
Und fagiva Uns Unsr Shuldig
V.mir onry leit Fagiva doon.
Und herdy uns net hin fas'hung
Avah eredin Uns fun Ebil.
Fa dein is da kaynig-reich
und graft und ery fa immer
und avyig-keit.
omen.
www.chick.com
- -
translation:
Our Fathre which art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy Name.
THy kingdom come, thy will be done.
inn earth as it is in Heaven.
give us this day our daily bread.
and forgive us our debts as wer
forgibe our debtors.
and leed us not into temptation.
but deliber us from evil. for thine
is the kingdom and poer and glory
forever and ever. Amen.
- -
-
i want maydn to know
i pray for you often.
and the-Ret-boys.
cuz one son-god...
still prays for me.
-
the queen is the most
powerful peace on the chess-board.
and she must be free.. to choose.
..to not let 'good' block her
from 'best'
.
-
(.more.)
sometimes...in the woods..
i wish maydn cood know..
she is my heart-protection.
many things i dont
do-think anymore...cuz of her.
my fantasies fail.
cuz she is more.
and better for me.
cuz im not writting for self.
im writing cuz i got
somthing to love.
whereas b4..destroying self...
was my only pleasure...cuz...
i didnt feel... loved.
but now... wow!
feelings flow.
heart-aches. pain and teers.
cuz a cold heart woke up.
senses open:
i notice flowrs and grass and bugs
all seem deeply rich...beautiful.
nature. colors. shapes! all active.
...
around the hills and bushes i list-n,
later i took note:
'everything is attracted to somthing!'
just as strongly as the boy who
finds images to lust at...so do
these crazy plants all around me
find strong sensation to reach out!
a wild sense of desires.
a flood of feeling spin up-down
these plants, and...
i never admited to it! ???
but i can hear there songs
and screems! just fine now...wheeeel!
even the painful urges of pine-nuts...
and grass seeds, i can hear!
the desire to grow to be useful...
to love... to be love.d
to not be destroy.d.
-
i think... i dream...
for one day...
they will get their wish.
-
and the strange songs
that humans once knew.
will play again.
-
like a music-box..
slowly springing to life.
sofly.
up threw the trees...
up into blue skys.
precious notes...
sweet smells and sounds.
local-made.
and
never-made to be forgotten.
-no end-
-
..(.more i added later:
if 60-years is like 60-minutes...
i wood like to spend...
a half-hour telling the Earth
'How Beautiful May-den is to Me.'
and then...
listening...
to nature...
in its many ways...saying:
How True.
How True.
-
(.next comment.)
Her Words are Power.
she says 'Cum Now.'
and the lion obeys instantly.
drip-ing...spill-ing.
...hm? he never did that 4me.
what else can a queen command?
she cood stop my heart.
but i sense maydn wood not.
she steps closer to me than...
i ever wanted a female to be.
blocking a pass-age that i...
su-pose... nee-ded...
to be blocked anyway.
she is care-full. and i..(sob)
cant ever forgive her4that.
-
(.next comment.)
on a more 'sensible note':
a succesfull hunt into a
new-territory left me bursting
with fresh ideas and desires
to get organized.
i can-nut tell you how good it is
to date everything you find.
and store it by-date.
cuz you can re-list parts that
are different subjects...all
on one paper...without moving
any-thing.
so i got musick-notes all
jumbled up with shelter-drawings.
and it dont matter cuz its all
by-date...as-it-happened.
as it shood be.
the mind needs to stop drawing
and start singing somtimes...
so maybe things stored by-date
are more deeply correct
than by-subject
than you can imagine.
-
love you maydn.
- - -
InI trust that the information that is shared here will be used to its ability and flown in the correct direction.
-- the word verification code just happens to be "Zyaon".
--Coincidence: some would not believe, maybe care
Not for me to preach. Not in me to missionary.
Examples is what DR J(jesus) is All about.
InI have been thinking about "stream 8" and how much I have grown to love it. or maybe it has grown and I love it
8 is forever and 6 is love.
1 8 6 or 1 6 8
interesting, these physical symbols. representation. hm
In review of 2006:
my love of information has brought me so close-r to you.
ah! This stuff flows out and it scares the BG's out of me. that could be a good or bad thing depending on how close you are understanding next to me.
Now...I am hoping (have been hoping) for this HEAR vision to take root. I wood like to help in whatever way I can and still keep my clothes on in public. Unless, of course, we are visiting a nudist colony...then I still wear panties. ok? ok. (besides diseases, stuff can get uncomfortable to my uncalloused parts)
Now...to help achieve goals I wood like to avoid speaking directly to you HERE, though i probably will have a hard time with that.
Now...that we are on speaking terms, (again-SORT OF) i feel comfortable with speaking to others about this...um...stuff.HERE
There is a WHOLE lot lot lot here.
And, more, detail, and , attention, is needed to clear this Water Up. and RE-new the exstreamly valuable ideas and feelings that have been recorded here. I am glad however that some (not All) of the original recordings were lost due to some indiscretion on my part and...heehee..yours. Do-nut worry, you may in-de-scretion with me anytime. next time rate yourself for this D-rated world.
i luv you...You sex-god!
iam excited to be invited to participate hear.
Tell them boys that. ok?
For the girls...feel free...to tell them boys anything you like.
Do-nut be afeared or a-shamed.
Stand up and hold your posture to the heavens...it is pertinent to your health.
Let them see you sweat.
And never say never
...Unless you really meen it and are tired of being told what to do.
love 8
--
...more to come by in the future in warmer places. this winter has been damn cold
Mr. Dee-U-AR-aDamnAmazingMan
Let us sea eachother in the future.
For Now, I just want... to look at you...naked.
problem: this post planed for galeeb tells where maidens xanga is.
Hip-g408.txt - - - - v4-1-08,3pm: to be busy investing in maydn -IS- true-ly thinking of today, and filling it to its fullest:
(.boy-moves.girl2love.)
this part is a xanga 'message'
questions:
tell others about xanga.com\xxx_gxxxtic ?
send you pictures???
use zoomshare.com?
phone-call you...?
havnt pickd a number yet.
(.a house no one is using.)
a post-office box?
general delivery?,
use friendship-names like:
'rain-cloud' cuz im always
collecting water, or watering seeds.
why so secret?
cuz everything you do or say...
will-be used against you.
thats how bad it is.
cops wont even tell you that anymore.
(.they were supposed to.)
why so secret?
cuz your valuable to me.
(best peace on the chess-board.)
no identification.
cuz we both carry valuables that
effect the future of people.
we can stay anonymous.
cuz i love you.
we dont need screw-ups.
we live in a war zone.
always list possibilities.
-
-end of 'message'
original start:
mood: watchful. willing, but why maydn?
(.next comet.) see stars?
very upset...to leev the woods.
the wild, the-boy...just a moment?
for what?
.
.
.
just to look at a stupid girl?.
(.type to her.) why?..
(.do.it.)...you need her.
your heart is in her hands...
.
.
.
she's bin writing on it.
waiting for it to beat...
(.come to her.)
.
.
.
-
yikes! (nervous+upset)
...o.k. ...o.k.
i will go home...
just for 30min...
but i wont like it!..?
im happy out here:
(.galeeb.blogspot.com.)
me and th-boy were
just about to...
.
.
(.never-mind.)
go....just4a-bite.
-
(.next comment.)
um...xanga.com\xxx_gxxxtic
is my home...my-den.
-
maydn built it.
cuz she wants me home...
so..
i come to h-ere.
to look at her.
she's like a gem in the night.
the moon hits her and makes all my
characters-istics.. oh-peer.
wanting.. to grow...to play.
she hurts my eyes.
she' lets me...
search my heart...and love.
by loving her.
-
(.next scene.)
i wanted to add a few
straw-bale rooms and furnish
the place with some deep
earth-ee architecture.
and pleez-you with the
wild window-work.
and walls mud-plastered
with y-'our own hands..
(.i hope you like it.)
what a site!
((.when.dreems.flow.))
-
(.more.)
.
so i come home to admire the
improooove-ments.
.
admire the living-rooms
.
and getn-n2 the kitchen.
(.b4.you.can.stop.me.)
it all looks great! and tasty
too.
-
(.next comment.)
i searched and listened:
to a shelter slowly becoming a
home: full of activ-ties!
-
but...i feel bad about...
the bed-room, cuz..
::::to much! buzzing::::
it sounds like a...
bee-hive in there...
maydn's words got
everythings to hot and...
boun-c-eey...in there.
i cant even think!
-
(.th-father speeks:)
i dont like this.
these other rooms need her
attention too.
she NEEDS to live:
with a farm-family.
and maybe stay with a few.
to know how her heart-house
shood look\act...
-
and do NOT wait for a...
'group-survival situation.'
cuz its too late, when things get...
that.. bad.
-
so i decided to go into
the bedroom and see if
i cood stop her!
(..and before the walls
stop shaking + fall apart.)
-
i open the doors and...
all becomes still as a mouse...
i looked around...
everything looked neet and tidy.
-
maydn was on the bed...
layd-back..licking her fingers
...watching the fields and clouds
threw the windows...
-
but i found the big lion...
all cow-er'in the corner,
terribly frite'nd and breething2hard.
with Paws crossed over his balls,
like he coodnt take any more of this.
-
the quiet-ness in the room was fine.
the hard breething was NOT.
fffff
i took a deep-breath (.dis-content.)
and qwi-etly left the room..
and closed the doors...(.click.)
-
after five minutes...
thump.thump.thump.
the walls started Rumbl-ing again...
and home was the same-old..
bizzy bee-hive again.
-
(.more.)
i sat down to think about this...
(.th-father speeks.)
she has a-girl, a-sister, a-mother,
with-in herself...
and you know it! cuz..
when you look at her...
you see yourself: th-boy,
th-brother, and...me.
why dont you try feeding
maydn some of these other
heart-parts,(.with words?.)
wash her, comb her hair with some.
make the smells excite her.
let her know she is ALL these things
to you.
-
...i cant..(.i said.) i want to
be with th-boy, i understand him.
and he hates her...
i dont even know why i came home.
.
.
.
-
(.closing comment.)
time-spent-typing!
priceless-time
oh my poor step-stone!
.
well i 'hope'...
i wont type like this again.
nor be-led' to 'play-house'
with a girl like this again.
i just needed to try it.
it was somthing-new.
and i hold it deer.(.by the neck.)
but im hanging up my sign:
'pleez dont feed the-lion.'
i need my girl strong.
(.all.heart-parts.of.her.)
-
(.more.)
about home:
(.xanga.com\xxx_gxxxtic.)
maydn...um.
your words...soon...
sink..in..
(.all-nite-holding them.)
pleeez!
watch what you 'say'
good-ness me!
watch what you'do!
watch what you WRITE on
the h-e-arts!
and me.
um.um.buti deep-heartd the
words you used to describe
parts of a man, it helps
me know what you look for.
but pleez...dont.
have pity.
it.hurts.people.
makes them fall.
your-reechz.must heel..
not hurt.
..
-
your words stain.
and dosnt cum off!
::::I love you maydn::::
pleez protect my step-stone.
no more hurt.
dont send th-lion into
heavy heart-throbing.
cuz inside...he's just a kitten.
you dont need to re-mind him
how much he is yours... or do you?
-
we live and 'hang'
by your words.
for thou art queen.
-no end-
- - dont reed past this line. - -
-
-
i guess you are reeding...
so...
(.next comment:more hurt.)
.
.
i do... i meen i'did...
i meen i'wont again..(.i'hope.)
think about maydn's..um..her..
'other parts.'
i call her sister and so...
i call her 'brat'.
i guess thats a start.
cuz..
the-brother in me needs to
do that...(.get.fed.)
iAm an emotional
creature too!...?
-
i dont know where to start this...
this is... different...
this is home:
xanga.com\xxx_gxxxtic:
its a study>?...experiment?
but this is maydn...a reel girl.
and a queen... i..um...
i dont want to be...
:::? embarassing..me.mess-up?
(.hey.she dosnt care!.just try.)
..o.k....o.k.. one...one-time:
just to taste it...
i want to feed maydn a little
of what farm-family life is like,
or what to look for...
i guess...for here and now...
the best www.link wood be to find...
(.pleez.dont.laff.)
some of those winnie-the-poo stories..
and just live-with-them for a-while...
you will find the characters..(not mine)
stimu-lating to the 'air' our.home...
shood have.
-
(.more.)
im still thinking of maydns deepest
EMO-needs...(.why me?,why her?.)
.which a guy shood-not even think-of.
un-less he wants to be a goose-brain.
-
the food her 'hear-t-parts' pant for.
so she can live and sing well.
-
when she looks at me?
duz she see them?
those parts, or is it just me?
when i look at her.
-
i reely (.just once?) want to
feed th-sister.. my bride..
my friend?..th-girl...
but..!..?
if th-boy hates the-queen...
will.th-girl hate the-King?
(she wont appreciate my moves on her)
thats why im not sure i even...
want to do this.
-
buu..t, a home is a place of:
exodus 20+40: prayers(.mother-may-i.)
,praises(songs),eating(health),
doing(chores), and accepting? good things.
(.will you 'let' a farm-family accept you?)
-
so i began.. sir-ching for...
what is.. deeply...um... girl-hood! ?
maiden-hood?
yet...somthing... that
can hold messages for...a RET-girl.
(.th-girl i want her to be.)
i know Reggae-Musick sometimes
has a serious 'message' to share.
but NOT what girl-hood needs...?
and i final-ee, cho-z.
(.pleez dont laff.)
i final-ee choo-ze to feed may-den with
'straw-berry short-cake girl' stuff.
(.those cartoon books,)
her strawberry-world is pleezing to me...
her songs have 'messages' worth
flowing from a wood-b-queen.
winnie-the-poo does too.
both are deep-ly agricultural in tone.
(.if my queen and mistress will allow me
to take her hands that wauy.)
.from 2002..?
maybe these characters have changed...
(.being used by new artists+new goals.)
winnie the poo:tigr,eor,piglet,rabit,
strawberry:orange-blossom,ginger-snap,huk?
-
yikes! what am i doing? im reeching for
you maydn...trying to touch parts of you
i do-not-know....for sure. you-have?.
im also excite-ing a...
brother and a father by doing this...
(.the ones that appear when..
i look at you...)
-
let me turn my eyes away from you...
for my heart can stand no more...
(.no more chek-ups.)
th-boy is just...relly angry rite now.
and me and him got stuff2do...
you are dis-trac-ting us.
-
::::i love you maydn::::
i try not to look at you when i say that...
cuz i got stuff2do.
(.step-stone stuff.)
but then...you are apart.
people use me to step to places...
never imagined.
-
and i guess... i can...
love you for that.'
-
um.
-
i will close this with some of
the strawberry-songs.
-
home is where
things grow better.
home is where maydn wants me.
home is where i shood be.
i know this.
just let me fite it.
-
(.now.the.songs:)
bery3-08.txt - - - - v3-30-08,5pm.music-words from strawberry-shortcake-girl casset 2001. paper includes extra features.(add here?)
spirit:songs that praise seasons, help me when nothing else can.
history:atleest two other times 2007 notes for this were written.
this time i focus on the song-words,
filling parts i misd with each new pass.
total songs found:18.
the titles:(.un-known.):my titles:
straw-ba-ba.(intro) work-together. jam-in. zing-in-spring. good-trip. all-how-you. thats-imagination. gettn-better. cookie-cookie. friendship-grows. birthday. strawberry-land. call-me-satan. get-for-friends. Holiday-land. hello-ho-ho. friends. spring-time.
selections typed for maydn:...(.and my favorite also.)
straw-ba-ba.
work-together.
jam-in.
zing-in-spring.
all-how-you.
thats-imagination.
friendship-grows.
Holiday-land.
friends.
spring-time.
-start-
- - straw-ba-ba:
-start-
(2x) straw-ba-ba. ba-berry.
...
I know a girl, (...)
and there is no one sweeter.
she's got that special touch.
...
best friend in the world.(...)
and when you meet her...
you will-love-her very' much.
...
(.do'in.fine.)
(.grow'in.better.all.the.time.)
...
ooooh-ooooh. straw-ba-ba. ba-berry.
...
she's cool. she's fun. she'll leed the way.
...
(2x) straw-ba-ba. ba-berry
...
that-girls so-sweet. just'like her name.
so ba-ba-berry extrordin-din-dinary
she's straw-ba-ba. ba-berry.'short-cake.'
...
-end-
...
next is her descriptions of s-b land,
her home, her favorite room: the kitchen.
other rooms she names talents for...?
...
- - work-together:
...
-start-
...
(chorus:)
work-together, if we..work together...
that'll help the-job-get-done-cuz when we..
work-together, when we..work-together,
it makes the job a zillion-times more fun.
...
see th bevers-dam, on the rivers-span..
it goes faster if they dont work alone.
...
and the honey-bee, wood get lone-ly,
if he had to make the honey-on-his own.
(.he.dosnt.tho.)
...
(chorus)
...
every job depends upon the other.
team-work helps you hit' the highest-score.
find a naybr sister friend or brother.
and soon you job wont seem a chore.
...
all you need alot...to suceed alot...
is remember the special part each one plays.
cuz the more you do...brings good luk2you.
...***(missd)
(chorus)
...
when we..work together..we make the work
a zillion, a super-million times more-fun.
...
-end-
- - jam-in:
...
pre-words: spring is lost? but spring
has to come...! ...?
...
-start-
spring if your there, pleez give me a sign.
look'in ahed, look'in be-hind.
***(.misn.?)
...
chorus:
jam-in. jam-in. straw-berry jam-in.
were goin'a keep on jam-in.
jam-in. jam-in. straw-berry jam-in.
were goin'a keep on jam-in.
**? were look'in for spring... and were jam-in
...
hey butter-fly, flutter'n on by,
lookin down low, lookin on high.
looking for a bee, high up in a tree.
lookin for a bird, who'll give us a word.
...
were look'in for spring... and were jam-in
...
(chorus)
...
spring if your neeR, please make a sound.
listen'n all over, look'n around.
lookin for a sprout, thats happy to be out,
lookin for spring and were jam-in
...
(chorus)
-end-
- - zing-in-spring:
pre-words: spring says:come-on play lets have fun.
old-man-winter says:she brings warm breezes and
sunshine to the many lands.
strawberry:How are you going to bring spring to
all the many lands? and quickly.!?
spring: i have a special dance, a special call,
and a very special magic-wand.
deuda_m: uhh, i dont want to GUESS what those are.
...
-start-
(.chorus-one:)
i know how to bring spring, oooh-ooh-ooh i do.
i give my majic-wand a fling oooh-its true!
...
i tell the wind dont blow so cold,
winter days are growing old. (.bye.)
(.chorus-two:)
i put the zing. in spring.
i put the zing. in spring.
ice is nice but springs the thing.
i put the zing. in spring.
...
(.chorus-one)
...
i tell the meadow no more brown.
grow grass go to town.
...
(chorus-two)
(chorus-one)
...
i tell the sunshine harder now.
let the earth be fully plowd.
...
(chorus-two)
i put the zing. in.
'she puts the zing in.'
i put the zing in.
...in spring.
-end-
- - all-how-you:
-start-
...
there are two sides to everything
there opposites you see.
..***one is up and one is down?
qwite different ways to be.
...
(chorus:)
cuz its all how you look at it,
all how you look at it,
its all how you take it in,
all how you take it in.
be the one who see's the cheerfull side
..**? the one who bee's the cheerful eyes.
...
(.other voice.)
i used to be the one who took,
i never wood give back,
now i lernd to be a friend,
and now i never*** lack.
...
(chorus.)
one is up and one is down
qwit different ways to be,
i used to be the one...***
...
(chorus)
one is glum and one is fun,
**qwit different ways to be???
i used to be...***
...
(chorus)
-end-
- - thats-imagination:
pre-words:
stawberry:we dont need to go
on a big trip, we can have fun
rite here in my living room!
others say together:how?
...
-start-
imagination lets you go on every sort of trip,
you can be the captain of a giant pirate ship,
travel to the farthest stars,
venus,neptune,saturn,mars,
galactic-stuff inside of jars.
thats imagination.
...
(chorus:)
you can find it everywhere,
in you mind and in thin air,
find a dream that you can share.
(.echo:you can share.)
thats e-magi-na-tion.
...
imagination helps you out when you are feeling board.
a spoon,a lid, a frying-pan, to play another cord.
***?
(chorus)
...
imagination makes the world a fasinating place,
write a story,beat a drum, or draw a funny face.
every word in every book,
every *** step you took, dress up in a fasion look.
thats imagination.
(chorus)
-end-
- - friendship-grows:
pre-words: ???
-start-
find a patch of e***less room,
plant a seed and watch it bloom.
give it water give it sun,
grow'ing plants is so much fun.
...
(.chorus:)
friendship grows, like a flower,
friendship grows, like a flower,
friendship grows, by the hour,
way up high like a tower,
like a flower friend ship gro-ws,
like a flower friend ship grows.
...
like that seedling in the ground,
nourish all the friends you found,
give them lafter show you care,
let them know your always there.
...
(chorus)
...
treat each new friend with respect,
love them always and protect.
every friends a friend to keep,
plant your friendships very deep.
...
(chorus)
...
-end-
- - Holiday-land.
-start-
(.chorus:)
holiday-land, oh the fun of the season,
holiday-land, where 'giving's the reson,
holiday-land, is a place full of joy.
a place full of GOOD things, for each
girl and boy.
...
alternates: for each pony and horse.
a land full of good things,
a land FuLL.. of-joy.
...
look what grows..***
***
by me a gift we'll celebrate!
...
(.chorus.)
...
on every street...*** meet?
...
(.chorus.)
...
every nite the stars shine brite,
with a hope for peace, and*** forevermore.
***
...
(.chorus.with alternate:)
holiday-land, oh the fun of the season,
holiday-land, where 'giving's the reson,
holiday-land, is a place full of joy.
a land full of good things,
a land FuLL.. of-::::joy::::
-end-
- - friends:
pre-words:
strawberry: o-no! the presents is ruined!
huk: what matters is we are together,
xmas is about love, not about presents.
...
-start-
...
there are al-l kinds of pr-e-esents
of every shape and size.
but the present i like best,
is better than a prize.
...
It has NO special wra-aping
its not in a store.
It-is the gift of 'Friendship',
and is well worth waiting for.
...
(.chorus:)
'FRIENDS' hold your hand.
'friends' make you smile.
they are always there for you.(echo)
friends make life worth while.
...
ther-er are some kinds of preh-esents
with costs that are quite high.
But the present i like best,
you never have-to buy.
...
It comes with-out a Reh-ib-bin
it comes without a Bow.
It is the gift of 'FRIENDSHIP'...
the-finest-gift i know.
...
(.chorus.)
...
There is ooh-'ONE' kind of pre-esent
that i will always keep.
To be with me for-ev-ever...
Even-as-I-sleep.
...
it has no pai*-n-ting, it has no cover-Art.
it is the gift of 'FRIEND-ship'.
and it stays here in my HearrT!...
...
(.chorus.)
(.comment:)
i think of maydn a-lot when i hear
that song.
strawberry:when you give a gift...
you have to think about that person,
and what that-person wood like.
example:strawberry got a qwilt with
pictures of all her friends on it.
she said: how wonderful it will be
to always have my friends around me.
-no end-
- - spring-time.
(.comment.) this song has a flute!
playing the-tune even before the
song starts...which gets you singing it,
even-b4 you hear the words.
...
actualy, all these songs sound good
without-words... when you know the tune.
is maydn that way too? can i learn her'Tune.'
even if she isnt saying the words?
...
pre-words:
strawberry: we must get reddy for spring.
appledumpling(baby-sister): spring?
strawberry: i forgot! you dont KNOW what spring is do you?
Oh!...its wonderful:
-start-
(.flute.)
.
.
(.chorus.)
Spring-time. Spring-time.
Jolly-sing time.
birdy-sing time. finaly begun.
(.flute.echo.)
...
there's a sun-beam in-the meadow..
see it play-ing with the-trees.
there's a lay-zy-day-zy gazing..
at a pair-of BIZZY bees.
...
(.chorus.)
Spring-time. Spring-time.
swoopy-swing-time, any-thing-time..
long-as its fun.
Spring-time. Spring-time.
Ring-a-ding ding-time..
Flowe-wrs-Spring time..sweet-as-perfume.
Flowers Ring-time, Green is King-time..
Laff-ters and blooms.
(.note: this song has a WALTZ beat to it.)
...
there's a blu..blu-sky above you..
and the green..green-grass below..
find some friends au-round who love-you..
and you got-all.. you..wish-to.. know.
...
Spring-time. Spring-time.
jolly..sing-time..nev-ver-a-care..
Spring-time. Spring-time.
Sil-ly-sing time.. Rose-ee-ring-time..
wind-in-your-hair..
...
(.no words but same beat:)
LA-La LA-LA.
LA-La-la LA-La.
...
LA-La LA-LA.
LA-La-la LA-La.
...
Spring-time. Spring-time.
who's-in-a-Hurry..
oR-has-time-for-woo-ry..
when..SPRING-ti-mes..in...
..thhh..aaair.(.said soflty.)
-end-
-end of song sets-
and yes... 'hear'ing these
is heart-breaking...
the words just dont do it.
unless you like 'messages'
(.my comment.)
i was thinkin maydn...
if you 'did' get-in to a farm-family..
it wood probly be mennonite.
cuz amish are a bit more strict .
but both have lardge-families and
this meens lardge-places for when
they got visitors.
(.almost always in winter.)
but since i was alone...
a LARDGE-place didnt seem rite.
so they put you in with a family.
i went when nineteen.
and met weekly in a room of
200 people (.all ages.) and
none ever went to highschool.
(.i was impressed.)
i learned the language.
i shood of skipd Hi.S.chool.
cuz it wasted time.
blogers say so too.
girls said:scared of it and
didnt know what H.S. was for!
this is a sad-topic4me...
witchcraft flooded the system
while i was away too.(books!)
they dont even warn the kids
that sex 'IS' marriage.
totaly crap-ing their lives
so they will float down-streem like
dead fish. and i..im.so.(.sob.)
(.skip it.)
time is short maydn.
its not like you will be in
the way. agriculture isnt a...
'job' like you are thinking..
credits,contracts,familiars,
degrees,training, fuck-that!
your in the country...people
reed you differntly...they see
'needs' common-ground.
they dont 'wait' for...
identification...they eye you.
think on terms of survival...
and see your needs instantly..
they dont have to 'ask'
who are you, what do you want.
they search their own heart...
and know.
and besides...they do-it
every week...people are the
answer, not the problem..
kindness is a habit out on the farms.
and yes... i cood not 'deal'
with it, i had a hard time
'accepting' it. (.very hard.)
cuz i thut like a city-person.
you know wui-meen?
if someone is 'that-kind.'
you dont be-leeve it. but later.
you learn2chew on a blade of grass.'
and shut-up. stop worshiping them.
you hide your city-feelings.
not letting them know
how damn-lucky they are, to NOT
be sweating it out in some
hell-hole city apartment.
-
out here:(.country.)
the more workers the more
there is to be done!
its not like you can get 'layd-off.'
more hands meens more food.
more food meens more hands needed.
you eat to live and live to eat.
thats the rule. no un-employment.
totaly NOT the world most teach.
and yes...watching all that food
go to city-people who dont even
care to visit or help or say
thank-you....bothered me...
and then you say...
((Why would someone want me on a farm? Why would someone not call me and say, "hey let's go somewhere together."? What is the big secret? I am beginning to fear falseness. What is the complication? The difficulty?
I am the type of girl that meets prospective suitors in the library... or the grocery store...not online in some scary obtuse fashion. I prefer...let's go see a movie, or...let's go fuck in the corn field.))
i dont know what farm-folk wood
think of that last sentence...
but i think your getting the idea.
pleez be care-full what you teach me.
cuz my step-stone work is you to.
and becoming part of your heart-home.
.
-world without end-
-
try emypeople.net
xanga.com\mennonite_madness
-
- and yes...
i like\love EVERYTHING you type.
i just...
take it wrong....
some...times.
-
and when i do, i accept it,
cuz i know its you,
and thats all that matters..
(.cux.i.love.you.)
-no end-
-
-
(.next.comment.)
other things...
bother me in the woods.
i tell you now cuz it
bother's me e-nuff times:
that is:
did maydn start
xanga\xxx cuz of: gendr108 ?
it bothers me.
that part that says:'have sex'
to keep the male around and
keep him attracted to you...um!?
ummm i better hand-l this...
i hope you know other 'parts'
of me are attracted to you.
not just...th-lion. and THEY get...
attracted to you...terribly-much.
cux you let them breeth. (...)
they shine for you...(.teers.)
they want to grow...(.)
even the-boy likes you,
even tho he never in his rite-mind
wood admit it:
my NEED to see you...
so i can see him.
is always there. (..xo.)
-
....fffff
dont...dont make my
guts spill rite noew...
fffff
i dont want to type
grama108 all-over...
.
.
.
even tho some-times...
(.burp.)
...i think i will.
be broken for you.
again.
and again.
-
yuk.
let me go.
(.to much time with her.)
that was long enuff.
'the male still crys for her.'
let him go.
no more check-up.
-
-
(.day two.)
nope... im NOT going to
spend day-two. 'gushing for you.'
im not even going to tell you
'why' (.cuz WHY got to LONG.)
im just going to finish the last
three strawberry songs and then
'get out of your hair'
(.combing it with love.)
i cawt myself re-word-ing stuff.
i still dont like hip-g408.
but female dosnt care? just talk to her.
-
excuses:
i mite say the wrong thing.
she wont like how i live.
she wont like how i look.
i dont know that person.
(.my favorite excuse.)
im too old for this...
im still too young.
they wont like me.
they dont like me.
i mite get raped.
i mite get shot for trespassing.
its against the law.
it isnt normal.
it sounds impossible.
people dont live.(.that-way.)
anymore.
you cant...
force yourself on people.
((.oooh i want to gush,
long spills,to answer
that last one...but...
for maydn...only this:
people -NEED- you.
so GET-in-their fuking way.))
-
my excuses:
i like all of the above.
but when i visit the Amish...
i keep somthing:
::::
im going to live rite and im
going to go where i think i
can-live rite, and be-with people
i feel ARE living rite and\or
can-help me live-it.
even if they dont-accept me.
i-accept them.
and thats what counts.
no matter what the sigh-n says...
im going. to live and learn.
::::
-
strawberry-girl says: thats what
'friendship' is ALL about...
when you forget what people look like
on the outside, and love them for
what they are inside.
-
i do try, i find homes + methods?
time-tested 'not just intentional'
pasted together.(.water+flour-seeds)
and shuv-you into it as hard as i can.
-
i want to gush a little but...um,
maydn...do you know the bible-story
about baby moses?:
the government passed laws making it
impossible for kids to survive..
(.sounds familiar.)
anyway...a girl...(.maydn.) went
against these laws and the empire...
by making a little basket with her
own hands...a room... a home.
inside she put her baby, but also
our hopes and dreems that this
wood make it to a better place...
somthing wood survive...maybe even
change the world. a step-stone
that many wood use to get-out of
this mess.
-
can you figure me out yet...?..
think of it this way:
a bunch of teens on a street corner..
beside their cars and girl-friends.
just then a horse and buggy pass-by.
(.not uncommon scene for some.)
most teens laff it off.
but one teen pushes his girl-friend
into the buggy and it drives off
without-him...with her in it.
-
possibilities:
1.the boy hates her.
2.the boy knows somthing.
3.the boy loves her and...
saving her saves him...
or a-part of him...somehow.
-
dont you get-it maydn?
im pushing-you into the arms
of farm-families cuz...
i want part of me to survive.
i dont LIKE how 'well' im doing.
'scratching-for-life-itself.'
farmers(.the ignorant kind.)
felt the same way, and wanted
their kids to go on to college,
(.big mistake.***)
-
but i know stuff, i can make
a basket.(.galeeb.)
and put people in it. (.invite.)
thats all i can do.
cuz all is dark rite now.
my on-line 'scary obtuse fasion'
is reeching people where they are:
...in a living-hell.
and making things worse...
cuz i speak of ways out.
-
about the...
(.big mistake.***):
college turned them into
tools4the empire.E.U.
.
and by the way:
.
E.U. meenz: euphoria.
.
.
(.thats sposed2be funny.)
.
** euphoria: a medical term? for
when the victim becomes
so excited he thinks things are
getting better. but the results:
a violent economic death.
-
thats why i push-you to-go places.
i see farm-family results: T-old.
i dont-see tribal results. B-old.
i do-see tv-media results: C-old.
no wonder th-boy didnt want me
going home. the gushes go-on-on-on
even when i think they arnt.
and thats my 'E.U.'
(.so ends day-two.)
-
(.more added later:
yeeeps!
(.day two continues.)
o.k. maydn. i wont push-you.any-more!
i dont want you away anyway.
i like 'having' you to myself.
...i was just doing what i must.
cuz of my heart.
my upbringings...
my histiry:
youth:life in a city-hell.
teen: i dont want this.
tween: farm-ing folks.
today:mountain people,
primitive, and in love.
-
Results:
my heart still feels
for youth on the streets.
cuz i was there. lived the pain.
still got pain.
cuz they live it today and
what have i done for them.?
and its even worse now.
Results:
spent years with farm-folks.
didnt go to college.
THEY were my college.
but they bend toward city-life
it attracts them...
not me. i was there. so i
demand re-form. they wont.
but city-folks will.
Results:
the farms were bearable.
i kept trying...
cuz city-life was so bad.
now long times in the wild,
are bearable, cuz farm-life,
was so good.
-
those experiences...and maydn.
makes me rich and reddy to
be a strange...
step-stone for others.
-
and finding much...cuz..
others left step-stones4me.
-
(.next comment.)
i do want to play-house with you.
but only cuz i love these earth-ee walls.
i dont want this beutiful place to be
a place for Hate.
so i thut a bit on what i knew about Hate.
so i cood set some Rules for our Home.
1.Please dont destroy things i feel are
under my care. you can move stuff,bury,
borrow, bend, break, buy, but: do not
DESTROY stuff..(.2make un-recoverable.)
2.Please TELL me when somthing i say oR
do makes you angry. cuz i honestly dont
notice it.(.and that makes it worse.)
3.Dont talk 'about' the people you live
WITH. cuz you LIVE with them. they put-
up with you, and no one else is bold or
crazy enuff2do that. sometimes we forget
how much it takes to love that-way.
4.re-schedule times with maydn.
cuz sometimes neglect, can feel as bad
as hate.
-
and that maydn... is all i know about
HATE. cuz when i got it. blood flows,
nothing is happy, i dont like it.
i dont want anyone to catch it.
found this on a class-room wall:
great minds talk of ideas.
average minds talk of events.
small minds talk about people.
-
-
(.next comment.)
yes maydn. i bin thinking about...
respect...(.thanks2strawberry.)
what it must meen to a girl...
and to you.
use-zing gendr108 i kind-of see...
somthing...but its no use.
i see for a momnet...but then it fades..
cuz im male. i dont want to show
respect. cuz...
i-dont-know-how-it-feels for a male
to take it away from me.
but since my hands are going over you.
i must feel somthing...and talk about it.
you must 'like' being called queen.
cuz you know somthings wrong.
your just a woman. why does he feel that way.
i dont know... i.(male) cant explain it.
when im saying that word, its cuz i...
(.god i better not tell you.) ..um..
lets just say: im NOT trying to get your
'attention'...like when guys want to flirt.
i just report what i 'see'.
and your afeared i will loose that respect
to your...um...(.never mind.)
i think your rite. i wood. my spirit wood...
be broken. i dont know how you know.
i dont feel it. i read it in your voice.
you are trying to protect me and i
dont know what it is...
but i am male...my idea of loosing-respect:
is being told i do things wrong. or cant provide.
to me..thats what loosing-respect is.
loosing balls sounded like fun...til you came.
then i had new worth...and some things were...
not so funny anymore.
i hope im that way to you too. those parts
you said you cood just 'give away' cuz it was
the secret of your power. i hope you feel...
differnt about that... (.choke.) ...galeeb meenz: love'd.
new worth: he needs me. to function.
to impower a home: a world of tears and growth.
-
(.more.)
i need to report a strange 'twist'.
i dont know what to call it.
so i call it 'twist'
its a feeling i get when your words
are totaly? against me doing something.
i felt it when you spoke of poly-gam-y.
also when you spoke of being on a farm.
i take things wrong...and this 'twist' feeling
is none of your buisness. it feels like:
::::o my god...i insulted a queen...im dead.::::
im going to be boiled in oil.
thats what a 'twist' feeling is..
-
(.more.)
male says: love needs water and corn.
male is:tired of juggling emotions.
tired of being home for: 'love-birds' and 'wild ideas.'
i want to go back to th-boy now.
it was nice to be here::::where the heart is.:::::
but i need to get away from this place
and this goosy-woman.
a man can take only so much...
then he remembers how good it is to just
stay away! away from women altogether.
(.i need a girl that does that.)
enjoy my craft, enjoy my works, fruits,
wild architecture. boys need there toys.
but in you i have much weakness...
i see many failed attempts to grow...
all my grief, all my hopes, to save
a generation that just wants: my
attention for 30min. to play father.
big cheif.rain-cloud, be a step-stone.
-
i hope you find guys that
'make-rooms for love'...
it seems im rich with contacts.
i want to be the:1guy4U...but
.
you are also my sister.
and she needs lots.lots.lots.
::::so proud to -be- her brother.::::
.
when my hands are not strong-enuff
to...carry her to bed.(...)
-
(.more.)
strong tribes.
a church.
a group.
a community club.
somthing to keep
them together.
-
strong families make
strong homes.
-
a strong home needs
gods words.
and ::commitment::
to bring maydn and th-boys
home.
-
no more playing-around.
we got to eat and live
and work together wither
we like each-other or not.
-
wither we got feelings or not.
-
(.more.)
danger:
sex 'is' marriage...
-
commitment?:
stay with this person
even if we dont like.
we are to live together.
wither love comes or goes.
sound good? sounds possible.
cuz then loosy-goosy can go
boing-boing back to her 'problems'
and thats why i love her.
she reminds me how hopeless
helpless and impossible all is.
i love her for that.
-
so...
deuda_m stays with males in the woods.?
a simple monistic life. with rewards.
th-boys dream: no girls allowed!
but how did those males get together?,
a brotherly order starts. with a woman.
so...
now im back to snow-black and 3+4 dwarves.
...im going in circles... no point.(hehe)
-
but somewhere in this mess of
men,maidens and straw-houses is peace,
and 'that' little maydn,
sitting over-there content
with 'her-problems':
she sits there thinking:
Anonymous said...
Is it wiser to love or to be loved?
I love him but he doesn't love me.
He loves me but I don't love him.
He loves her but I love him.
He loves me but I don't love her.
I love myself but I don't love me.
Love can cause wars as well as stop them.
If you are In-Love there is no time for war.
"How will I ever tend the farm when all I want to do is keep my arm around YOU.?" []
March 12, 2008 6:35 AM
-
my answer: how can i ever answer?...
when her problems keep the the
secret worlds of enchantment together.
and those worlds keep maiden.
contented with moore problems.
-no end-
-
yes... hip-408 did get hoplessly long.
males bark at it.
let them.
i fall again to maiden.
i kneel and give-thanks for all that
she is to me. all that she does to me.
all that i love and see.
i wood bark too..but she gives me wisdom,
patience, heart4my work, joy for today,
hope for tommorrow. a place to rest.
a bed with excitement, a soul to treasure.
a warm heart, a strong pulse,
a feeling for circles, a respect for beauty,
and a desire to take the long-way...
home.
-
.
(.oof!)
on a more sensible note:
start volunteer work.
be with other people.
feel young again.
a community in health.
becomes your health.
-
(.day three:)
making maydn content must be...
very important to the male.
all i do is in-directly...for her.
and i wont admit it. cuz...
um... well just cuz!
-
the butter-cups are out...
a little yellow flower is
everywhere.
the wheat has green-ears of corn
on it.
i guess...where ever you
see tall weeds...
(.where you are.)
you know you shood-have planted
wheat.
cuz it wood be almost ripe by now.
-
off! the shell and take-out one
grain.
i cant believe what i see...
it looks just like a little sack,
a pair of nuts...a wheat-grain.
im holding life in my hand!
i flick it with my thumb and forefinger.
(flick.flick.)
god! that must FEEL good..
re-lating this feeling to my own nutz.
this little plant is alive! i said.
(.and i shood knoe.) this whole field!
is full of horny roasters!
im very lucky to have a body that is...
sim-pathetic for things around me..
its like god made us weak so we wood...
have a heart...for what he made...what
is all around us...if only...
we wood listen?
-
i feel like telling-on my-self cuz...
iAm male. i can report what i find.
i like maydns reports better...
big-sister speaks, all listen.
my position is great to have
and some-one to share it with.
someone who may...have trouble
understanding male 'anything.'
so 'flicking' wheat-nutz dosnt
meen anything to you maydn?
you got no feeling? in that di-rection?
mood:no sympathy.
boo-hoo, your missn out.
fffff my rib hurts.
no...i do feel sorry for maydn,
but there are things around out here
that screem 'her-way' too...
i can-not hear them,
but i hear maydn, and then i can
understand both.
is that why males send flowers?
why do they do that? somthing feels..
rite about it...but..i dont see the...
point.(oops.)
-
i need to warn maydn now...that my
femn1207.txt was way-off! ...
i bin thinking about it and...
now that i 'feel my worth'..
i dont want things just
//'kicked!'around. i bin looking
at this field of wheat and...
you just dont do that!
i dont see any animals ever do that.
. except angry squirls..?
i used to think it was funny to see
an alley-cat..sometimes.(rarely)
i wood find one with his balls-on.
you wood see this long tail up and
cute legs..and then (hehe) a little
ball bouncing around as he walks.
like his butt blew a bubble.
i never did figure it out. cuz it was
not somthing i seen much.
town-life is a 'spaded' world.
-
im tempted to grab it too...
squeeze-it, see what it does.
oh pity, i wasnt think-in.
but thats Home-Rule#5:
no grabing-nutz.
when i think of all maydn meens to me.
and all those urges lost in
one squeeze....i..(choke) i just cant
believe it.
please maydn, protect spirit.
protect strength, even if it is in a
weak place.
-
this nut-topic excites me...bad.
cuz..my hopes hang on it...
no more urges? no more hard-ness?
no feelings for maydn?
no nutz? ...yikes. not-me!
i do-not want that-t.(shivers.)
if you didnt know...you-do-now.
it must be the worst thing.
?
gone in one squeeze.
and it wont matter to her.
cuz girl dont FEEL it.
what your missing.
but it does matter.
without you...
im missing somthing too.
-
getting to the 'point':
dont kick nutz, dont squeeze,
dont grab dont touch! (sob)
you dont KNOW how glad i am to
have feelings maydn. for you.
for flowers, for seeds...
i dont deserve any of it...
dont ever take it away..
why is my culture so bad...
i dont know...
bugs and animals dont even
do so wrong.
-
(.more.)
your descriptions of male are fasin-ate-ing.
may-b i shood tell you what 'queen' meens to me.
or what male is thinking when he he moves
in what you call...'waves'...for you\into you.
he is NOT thinking of himself,
let me tell you that!
he is thinking about how
beautiful you are and how
wonderful it is to have this
beautiful.. 'what-ever she is'
doing this to him.
um... i think femn1207 is enuff.
no re-peats,
time wasted is maydns time too.
i dont want this.
i want her out where she shood be.
where brother and sister can Rule
with full-effect and poer.
...god gave! its...
OUR-TIME to gide man-kind..
make it better.
make somthing sons will
find helpful.
like: ...a respect-full
(.theres that word again.)
way to live.....cuz:
to be busy investing
in tomorrow -IS- true-ly thinking
of today, and filling it...
to its fullest. (hip-g408)
::::i love you maydn.::::
i love what you do to me.
and to my generation.
(.the white stone
is pressd to me again.)
-
(.more added much later: ...)
mood: no more reports!
...maybe hints...
mostly i just want
to now to be u-zing
what i know of maydn..
to pleez her...with
the..hints.she gives.
-
she makes me WANT
to be what a man shood be...
i cood ask no greater...
for she is so xoxo-worthy!
re-strictions she has placed:
I'd rather keep your friendly repect than lose you to my (up) tight pussy. Cat. Meow.
Women.
[Ex-sert-In)
What do women want? creativity, natural attraction, romance, to be admired, adored, submitted to, and then respected in weakness...Person-a-lee I prefer boy-friends that are not big babies and give me respect without having to kick em in the...nutz. And if per-chance we are blessed-able to go Balling all over the the place (like a fairytale will)...well then God is Good.
--
March 11, 2008 6:52 AM
based on these re-strictions.
..my fantasies of her flow...
passions for her get tite...
like a body muscle...
it needs to rest,
and stretch and be
in the woods a while.
stretching fantasies often
keeps it from getting hard.
...stiff.
you dont want stiff arms when its
'time to over-do-it again.'
you need to warm-up... then reeeely.
go hard on her. till gasping for
...breath..? fffff. then cool down
slow...no sudden stops or you'll
reeeely be sorry. (.god forgive me.)
that reminds me...
i wonder if th-lion is still alive!
id better go in the bedroom and...
pull him out!
-
...?
-
i found the two fast asleep on the bed.
th-lion was worn-down to cub-size...
like a happy kitten sleeping on its
mother...
and with them
strange-smiles cats have.
when they are not awake...
(..-..)
o dear...
i shood get a picture of this.
-
to much fun. i pulled the wild
cat up by the scruff of his neck...
mmrrrhhoow?... shh! you will wake maydn.
-ffplunk!-
you stay in your box till your
little features get big again.
-
fffff .story paused.
put down my pen...rest.
the woods are deep and cool.
and i dont know what
maydn is doing to me...!
cuz no matter how deep i go...
my heart is always...
home.
--
thanks for what you do to me.
thanks for showing me how...
everything has its place...
and CAN spin beautiful...
even the smallest things...
like our home...
effect the bigger things...
things...
that need the old-pattern...
we begin.
-
(.next comet.)
fffff what do i write her now?
clues:
th-father said:get her out of the bedroom.
maydn said: dont call me late for breakfast.
i heart breakfast. now you know.
yes.! now i know!...
story continues...
hhmm...
pulling that cat up off her left her bare...
i didnt notice how bare till i looked at her.
she's got attractive titty's
the cat must of bin pulling on them...
cuz they look hot...and sharp.
stuff that makes a mans
palms itch to press-on.
and...th
(.get her out of the bed-room.)
whut?... uh..oh.yep. back to the story...
i went into (.her.) kitchen
to find what she likes.
and what i like: water!
may-be some lemon juice/pine-cone tea...somthing
acidic. for her. for me.
straw-bale walls reeely soak in this smell...
and we only got half of them smeared with mud yet.
the walls arnt to straight...kind-of go in and out.
like they do at poo-bears house, rabbit, and piglets.
all we got rite now is crude clay-pottery
to drink out of. local-made, they will do.
dripple dripple.
dripple dripple.
i wonder how much maydn can drink.?
umm... think. think..
umm... i guess it dont matter...
dripple dripple.
dripple oooops!
thats enuff.
now.
-
something to eat...!?
i always wanted maydn to try
sprouted wheat-berry bread. (.no flour.)
but i dont know where it is...
um..click.click.um...may...be
click click...no.
um..these colonial-cabinets
maydn painted a baby-blue
and a sick yellow-pea-green.
i wont ask her what she
used as paint. cuz.. ehh. et.
eta..its coming off on my hands.
-OIooIoo
click. click.
here it is! wraped in a basket.
smells great...just like paint.
and black-berry jelly!
oh-what a purple-mess this will make.
i can just see maydn now...unless...
click. click..
weeel i'll be! ...silver-ware. -o-
were did maydn steel these?
uh. im meen...
she must of trade'd for them.
-?
i hope thats not why she took
all my stuff to Renfair yesterday.
cuz i got enuff stuff missn.
-
-
now... wherez... the butter/?
apple-butter?
no.
hairy goat-milk?
no.
how'bout this!... blue-cheese!
thats like butter... (sniff.)
smells funny...
um..i will let may-den
try it first.
-
now...
how do i wake up a queen...?
start some musick...
burn the toast?
i got it.
-V-V-
CLANG-CLANG-doo-doo
doot-doot
CLANG-CLANG
doot-doot.
clunk.!
-
good thing i found that old
COW-BELL up out over the meadow.
a fine size. worn by a fine queen.
no doubt.
-
oooh...! there she iiiizzza!
eh. goot-marria! comb-essa.
oh. maydn. you shood see your face...
if i was a cow it wood
stop my heart.
-
i guess mornings are not your thing.
-
but i will still love you...eh.
(.i hope.()
here...drop your Mug into a
nice big bowl of fresh miners-lettuce.!
spring is the only time
i see this stuff.
and it thrills males heart
to think i GAVE female somthing green.
-
TO GIVE. meens alot to a male.
its 'his way' of showing U.R.galeeb.
-
GIVE has a strange thrust to it...
the more you do it,
the more you feel love.
-
(.sudden changes:)
just when i thut this story
cood-nt get LESS Romantic...
the sun came up!
- >>>><<<< !!!
oh.oooh.auuh.
im so glad this tree-house has
so many windows...
the sun just turns
everything to gold.
>>><<< ! ! !
eyes adjust,
how beautiful.
-
the design came from the
berenstain-bears house...
and drawings were made of it
on 2-13-07 papers.
-
how did we find
a tree that big?
big enuff to put
windows in it and doors?
we didnt...
www.thinkgreenbuilding.com
methods were used to 'mud-copy'
these story-book homes.
mud-mixs make trees too!
earth-straw-plaster..paints.
very earth-ee. very beautiful.
unbeleevably acurate. to detail.
its like ceramic collect-ables.
only bigger. and yes... we 'tested'
hand-made models first.
-
(.next sceene.)
after we ate i took grumpy...
uh... i meen i took maydn to
that place where i found the
COW-BELL...
she must have liked it alot.
cuz she took the BELL with her.
i guess she made a wish too...
cuz when we got there she..
--- **Huu? -!-
threw! that COW-BELL as far
and as long as i ever seen a
may-den throw anything...
and it went crashing into the
rocks and river below.
.
.
.
a nasty plunge.
.
-
maydn was steemin!
i guess she always looks like that
when she's in a romantic mood.
i hope so. i dont know.
i kissd her on the cheek.
-
(.smack.)
-
she moved her beautiful maydn hair
out of her face...
and lookd the other way...
totaly confused by a guy that
dosnt understand anything at all.
-
she let me take her hand and
we went up closer to the top...
-
we talked.
we talked.
and we talked.
the wind blew stedy.
we stopd walking.
we stopd talking.
looked around across
the mountains-view...
i started getting dizzy for her.
so close to me. like this.
-
???!
-
till finaly it happened:
....those four little words:
::::x xoxo xox xox-oxo::::
- -
For to this Day...
in some green and
secret land...
is a grassy-hill
where wild-flowers grow...
and on that hill...
a maiden stands..
-
where her boy poors out
his soul...
-
-
(.continues at:
::::grama108.txt::::
for the rest.
of the story.)
-
(.next comment.)
:HERE:
is where maydn adds her own touches/
to what 'reely' happened.
to the rest.
of the story.
........?
and then........?
and later.....?
and before that....?
whut! ?
shame on you maydn...
i wood never do such a thing.
and then.....
and after that:
they lived happily ever after.
-no end-
-and no end-
-
(.day four.)
dont ask me how 30min
turned into four days...
im going to explain it 2 th-bouy.
using his favorite word:
...SHUT'UP.
-
(.next comment.)
im going to push4it again maydn.
you must 'message' me and tell me
what area oR town you are at...
and i will find mennonites.
-
OR...
you can talk to one on xanga.
ask for their church-directory.
they shood have one in your area.
the directory i got is a very
conservative group. with cars.
OR...
you can snail-mail (.just go.)
buggy contacts on galeeb.
-
(.new comment.)
my reports and maydns words...
give me ideas...
things start to mesh...
two hearts..and two hopes.
-
in my next story...(.too-yoo.)
i will try another style...
use-zing
words-terms-ideas :::you like:::,
but...
when the maiden speeks...
she will be using words-terms..
ideas only the male.:::likes!:::
.
.
.
this is wrong. wrong. wrong.
but...
it makes me go=over
things maydn has typed...
and try hard-er to submit.
and maydn can Reed her male.
in what he wants\likes\needs?
(.your to good at it alredy!.)
-not an end-
.
(.next comment.)
over-view: lookin at what i typed.
...
i want to re-mind maydn of hip-g408.
nothing was typed for entertainment.
if you see a man playing with kids books
and fingering the pictures...um..??
dont call him crazy yet.
...
he probly is
seeing\feeding several things.
cuz i found the berenstain bears
near the top of his c-zns108.txt
and typed before maydn came.
...
so the male is taking you into his
heart-parts...showing you stuff
important to-him, (.in his own way.)
and this is very bad. it meenz:
...
he wants you to be apart of
eveything he does, cuz you are...
everything to him.
(:::that-IS:::.what 'queen'
meenz2him.)
...
please 'talk' him out of it cuz...
he dosnt know what he is doing.
i know only-your words CAN.
cuz your words 'talk' him into it.
example:
I want you for my own. Not to own; just for me alone.
(.january 25.2008 streem-2? at re-chat.)
...
if you are that close to him you
probly see enuff details to know.
a woman probly isnt the best
thing for him.?
...
have pity on his step-stone. cuz he likes you:
...
What I was created to be. Yes, when I think on you All the parts of me become obvious. I hate that, I hate that I need you. I think alot of girlies feel that way. And bouys feel that they are not supposed to need anything. I think it is just lies that have been told to people...whispered to people...to make them sad and weakened to negative powers. Weakness in LOVE is the strongest strength a power-being can have. Some just want to question God's love and strugglle eternally with that.
(.january 17?,2008 streem-8 at re-chat.)
-
(.next comment.)
yeeeeps! them.jan.posts by maydn
give me all-sort story-ideas...
i hope she's changed (.i know.i.have.)
-
cuz the poor lion...sits on all five's
wide-eyed...tongue hanging out....
waiting for what jumps out the box next!
-
maydn pleeeeez! he dosnt 'need' all that.
male stays ball-bouncy-eee active 'constantly cuz of you'.
he dont need 'new' stuff...cant you see that?
this is a home. not a Zoo.
-
(.next comment. new tone.)
i feel comfortable with maiden contacting mennonites.
i feel 'peace' when i say that.
(.a sincere teez:)
i dont know if maydn cares about me...
but if she does she will contact 'talk' 'phone'
these mennonites.
you may feel erkd at their spirit.
but.. i feel... peace.
like talking to them is talking to me.
for one moment...i dont feel any difference.
cuz there...is where... i want my girl.
(.maydn...pleez...go.)
-
.5min on the phone with one wont kill you.
who cares what the subject is...just talk.
connect.
(.hurt.)
i wood feel re-leeesd! if i 'knew'
you had contact. one.? two.? weekly.?
..pleez maydn...i wood have...
no more hurt.
and.
i cood close this post...'knowing'
i got 'my way'.
-with you-
.
my soul can rest in peac,e.
-
(.next comment.)
(.more goodies much later..and running out of time!.)
skin wont heel.
had to take blood from another place.
times with th-lion:
incase you shood know...
it feels like one shoe is to tite.
thats what it feels like.
(since girls dont knoe)
-
he mite be lusting about somthing.
but outside his 'exciting'
visual-mental pleasures.
is the bodys feeling that...um
one shoe is to tite...
and the shoe is getting bigger.
but titer.
till he feels like he's wearing
clown shooees.
cuz your beautiful to look at.
-
and tapping, flicking, the nutz.
just makes that shoe
ten times titer.
-
feelings are almost like the zaps
when he starts to cum.
-
more flicking makes his body jolt.
and rise...and back...then you
know you got him..
he wants to buck.
-
the only releef for a foot in
a tite shoe is to stroke
the wand..
bringing releef into and
out of the bag of nuts for him...
which feels like hands sliding
up your dress.
(.trying to relate . by using words
you know.)
-
the releef comes and peeks!
and its over.
-
had to squeel.
didnt have time to put this in
a story fasion,
just the facts..
what i can report.
cuz im me...and i love finding
words when i got a girl who..
listens...
to crazy? things...just dont
hurt anyone with info.
-
(.want me to talk more.?)
ok.
the pottery in our home
tastes funny.
the clay color is bluish?
the water tastes earth-ee.
i think they got the clay
from a deep-dig.
an undisturbed layer.
-
these are precious moments.
cuz i know me and maydn got
undisturbed layers too.
-
they must be awakened.
not let clay-people rest.
till they find old-wauys.
-
just for a few min.
we get time to change them.
shape them.
love them.
-
love the boys.
let them know they count.
-
20min left? 10min? 2min!
write well, my deer-sister.
-
something is wrong.
what is wrong? is it even a real word?
i'm not shore.
how to fix...? missunderstanding?
no ID. aaaah.
ummm...clueless...again.
walking in the dark. why does this feel so natural to me? walking in the dark.
I dunt need eyes to see. the more years, the more i feel...this.
sound though...i love sound.
sexy noises turn me (my ears) on.
i'm shore i'll be deaf at 80.
hope=cocclear implants
fyi: Everything sounds pornographic these days.
"wait, i'm coming"
oh,...ahhhh!
i canut handle it. what the F is wrong!!?? ...with me.
with me...you need to be with me...so that i can be...normal...?again? (driving down the road one day, and It/depth-of-Love-for-you hit me like a Mac truck)
i so didnut plan this. i wish i would have planned this. it'd be so much easier. i cood feel easier.
i swear i try to stop these sinfull thoughts. try to think/type norml stuff.
ie: "why is the sky blue?"
and all i can think of is, "i want to color the sky, with You. blue, green, whatever...All You."
Jesus, help me.
--
so im hearing you want me to type you out of 'loving' (me)
--
"~when you say you love me, I say you better!!!!~" The (real/best) WHO
--
if you want to remain distant...it aint with me babe.
if you want someone to tell you what to do...it aint with me babe.
if you want perfection...it aint with me babe.
If you say You need me...I say you'd better!
love that song! All Most as much as I Love Lions.
--
ps. the real, sexy, love-letter refuses to be published.
The Pride is restraining The Beast.
The Zoo needs to remove some fences before it can become a happy Home.
also...i love/need you n i dunt want to...what do i do?
.
.
.
im talking without thinking again...(no time.)
i love you.
you keep conflicting worlds bearable.
evry hour...using you to beat it.
every day.
every morning.
always you.
-
i know you dont want to love/need.
my garden grows cuz of what you have done.
i dont care what you do next.
but...
if love was planted...
then it wants to grow...
even today...
always using maydns words...
to go another step.
into a most beautiful way.
for me to go.
thank you..
no matter what.
will 'hap'n next.
-
...
-
.
.
.
did you say 'depth-of-love'
.
.
i need to report..
it only happend 5-times?
but only when thuts of you come.
i need to report..
a strange rise in my chest.
i dont know what it is...
its not those 'chest-aches'
i always get those for you.
this 'rise' is different.
like somthing in me is..
reaching for you..
almost bursts my chest...
then settles back down...
quick as it came...
like a rooster-bird.
i dont know what this is.
its always about you.
im tired of being 'MALE'
it gets confusing.
but i report things you do to me.
even if no 'sense' is in it.
-
(.next comment.)
more dreemy-architecture:
book:building with earth.
earth-bag construction.
rob and jaki Roy
earthwood building school.
other 'schools':
carla emery, elpel:outdoor.
nyerges:self reliance.
-
always twisting maydn into some
of these ideas...
thats guys for you.
but then...
i keep moving out and away...
till i 'WANT' to study
basic survival study stuff..
it dont come naturaly for me..
i got to tell my heart what to
love... that takes walking out'
into the unknown where im
forcing myself to listen..
anyone can stay with the crowd.
floating into a lazy mass of
death-camps..it easy..
sit at home.
do nothing.
trouble comes qwiq that way.
i try to run from it.
i find happiness...
when i do.
so i do.
and i go.
and i love you so.
-
still searching for
pictures that tell you
what i dreem when i dreem
of you...(silly boy stuff)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_image_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books
did someone say honey? ...
your words are alwayd timely maydn..(honey)
ive always hated you for that.
cuz in son-god: nothing is by chance.
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey.php
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey-01.php
this looks like the best one:
http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm
cuz maydn...
you-ARE 'the people' i will be
keeeping for a long-long time.
even if i can only carry 'YOU'...
in my heart.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete telling you 'how'
i think.
wasnt i smart move.
-
but i open everything to you.
i cant resist you no more.
if your going to hurt me...
you reeeeely will.
-
it dont matter..
i still dreeeem of you.
plenty of your words
help me do that.
-
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_image_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books
Sent 4/18/2008 4:29 PM deuda_m block delete maydn... you said:
i guess i don't understand.
i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving.
it hurts me to say that to you.
i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs.
i need to protect myself though...
...
oh maydn!!
my honey! that does hurt.
i will rip open my core
just once for you to let you
know 'how' i hope and think:
i wake up knowing that:
somehow i wasted today
or part of it.
i feel like i offended myself..
like when you eat somthing you
know make you feel gilty.
i deel with it cuz...
i offended myself!
its a taste of what i must
look like to son-god when
i offend him.
i use it to tell him to
remove ALL offense to him
to self and to others by
his precious healing blood.
he always is reddy to give
me what i dont earn nor deserve:
rite-standing again.
'
his spirit is now freee to help
me forgive and watch and do better.
that is a miracle.
also:
knowing he will gide me to love
what i shood say, do, type, be
is also another 'miracle'
thats what i use to make threw
times when you say
'i cant be what you want'
know that you will be,
maybe not what i planned.
but exactly what
son-god planned.
im soo happy about that.
for you.
and for me.
cuz i fear that all the time
honey. weep no more.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn...
i forgot the hug:
x - x - x
(2 hours later:)
i like you the way you are.
i stop to say that.
cuz we all go to hard with
'growing' where we want.
that i forget to say...
i have what i want.
you are just so...
x - x - x ...
(three hours later:)
beautiful.
-
you always hit the rite words...
-
even if english is...
a bit...
silly.
-
your meenz heart is alot to me.
you show that.
you know that.
-
i say: list possibilities.
cuz your rite.
protection is more important..
than me.
-\
i need you to do that.
or i loose....everything:
.
.
.
.
-YOU-
-
Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!!
i love you
.
Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread
Problem:
IF
1min=1year
THEN
24sec=?
The time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more.
Again
--
and always
(i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.)
Love You Love.
you sexy beast
So I threw the bell and the towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in the right season.
Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope he does that again soon.
Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a while.
--
im still pre-paring for another
8-8-08
i see hip_gnosti closed her site.
still you stand as the great-one.
=
and ye...my garden still grows..
cuz o th wrds U have typed.
-
-no end-
-
Please try an 'Edible Community'
oR a local G.R.U.B. program...
start your own chapter?
i think its helpful for now.
-
goal: local-foods items 'OnlY'
find stuff you can trade.
'not' with U.S. dollars
-
- comment about 'edible communities' and 'G.R.U.B.'programs, start a chapter in 'your-area'. using? related helpers:flower-shops,seed-savers,garden-clubs,4-Hmembers, any creature that knows how to save seeds and water for winter. (look4such people, be-won.)
its true! buying gasoline supports
'both' sides of the WAR.
people do that with anything.
so make it local stuff.
-
less path for trouble.
being a part of.
a-part.
of.
-
The Cat-tails and Wheat are
now Ripe!
this is the 2nd Full-moon,
im Happy to Know Me an Maydn.
are both looking at it.
-
wherever we are...
same Earth.
-no end-
.
here iam!
lone-ly? in the field. all the buds abloomin, birdies boomin, bugs azoomin.
and mme...all drowned up in some soaking sopping wet mess of emotion. soggy...yuk!
so i think i'll try to use this soupy ground to make some old-fashioned Pete-bricks. pete was a good guy. he has my respect. he left me with tried and true methods.
would i have wanted to make love with pete? In Pete...that sounds more...correct.
sunny sunshine makes my day a busy mess. no time like rain-time when pete and i can get all moo-shy. warm and wet...oh well...
day dreaming once again. look around Buttercup cuz what is up is a bunch of books (my Love) and some thirsty people hoping to see those petrol prices drop so they might $$$ some food... and drink...and mayB B-merry-juice (good juice-the kind you might drowned in alone)
4-minutes left to pull out....
creative
a. where did you go Love?
b. that i worry something aw-full when ur missing
c. that i miss you; as a rib without a body to hold into is ... bbq...soul-bbq (good stuff eh?)
d.one over wrinkled time-constraints.
--he loves me--
--he loves me not--
--he loves me--
my spirit is broken...
someone(not you) reminded me.
how frail i am.
its not anger...its...
that...'i goto get-away for awhile'
feeling...
a1: a place only i know
a2: camps for friends.
a3: camps for new friends.
a1 is for cuz... you cant trust nobody! (reminded)
a2 is (hehe) cant trust yourself (sometimes?)
a3 is a chance to catch new kids. (truth-seekers)
give them space. see what they do...
then pull them into a2.
i think its the gas-prices now...
i paniced. moved all my grain and water off
of a2 and into a1... somthings up.
-
trying to stay sensible...i tried also listing farms
in my area using www.localharvest.com
and visited one.two.three.
thinking of mayden...maybe she wants to be
more helpful to people than that...(where you are)
so i point you to... edible-communities and
g.r.u.b. programs. (maydn makes them worth while
else its just... a program... it needs your smile.)
spirit-broken: i meen it. i reely got hit bad.
someone relly upset me. made me see all my talk
and no seeeds is...what it is... nothing.
mood: so i dont want to hear people talk,
dont want to hear myself think,
i go move stuff and make a1 a2 a3 stronger
just cux when my hands are doing somthing...
i forget what im thinking, what i want to say
to people that hit a nerve, just forget it all...
it burns cuz...anger is stupid...and i wait for
these days (yes real days) to pass..
(actualy they destroyd (not bborrowd) stuff again)
that upsets me... it always does (every year?)
reminds me to keep moving... wait for the hurt
to pass...maybe i learned what 'not' to do this time...
maybe just keep moving a1 a2 a3 to more places.
get my mind off me, a heart that just wants to
think hateful hurtful words to say back.
when im hot like that (inside) i know that i am
not worth listening to, nor anybody else.
i want to plant calm and cool and comforting words again.
but when i see even those words leeve people empty...
-
my spirit is broken.
this takes days? to heel.
i wait. i fall down
near-dead to maydn.
knowing in the end...
where my heart really is.
-
i found this www.survivalblog.com
and got a new-view of how-true
what i am doing a1 a2 i shood be
doing... so.. i got my breath back.
-
maydn said 'tell me what to do'
i think shes got spirit enuff to reach her own destiny.
i want her to stay away from
my un-stable
situations... but now-a-days...
that no excuse... anywhere!
(worlds gone mad.)
maybe you can use xanga to visit
all-sort of groups. and pull them
in to galeeb by just posting a
'comment'
i target 'gamer' kids cuz
they got 'time' to listen to galeeb
and think fantasy and future.
but maybe you got another way.
a 'girl-side' to galeeb.
i think 'love' attracts them to
any site...real quick...
what-ever 'love' is.
if thats what you want to do.
it comes to mind everytime you say..
'tell me what to do'
cuz i was there.
just google.com:
galeeb.blogspot.com + xanga
and you will see all the people
and placed i tried saying
'hey...come and see this'
-
good breathing to you maydn.
whatever you choose.
i just dont want to be to you.
a wind that leeves no food.
-no end-
(no i didnt think this time)
-just typed quik to you.
-
b how you need to b.
i have time for today.
to tell you thank you...again.
can't really say it enough.
for how unkind and uncaring you seem, you do alot that says other-wise.
men express their feelings in action. thats what i read somewhere...you know, That One book.
woman expresses in romantic ideas...and food.
ie: would you like a bowl full of dried grains...no spoon?
or if i love you i will make you fresh,
baked bread witha good knife to cut it and some butter that i spun all day.
hunny?
iam not sure about other womens as i know sum that just like to -um.
i leave it at that.
rowdy-girls
sum of my best friends.
wish i could change the world for you. make it up all pretty and smelly-good and let you roll around in it for fun.
so mayB i kind-of can by lifting your spirits...
with some whole-grain,
a relaxing escape,
and a good read.
i love you silly-difficult-man.
i don't missionary. i surrender. keep that in mind pls.
lead by example...ie: here, put this here, i like that, do like this...
for you though i might comment-span
we'l see. you are more brave than i when it comes to others-opinions.
i've noticed that.
i don't invite too many people close to me.
people can be cruel and deceiving.
they drain my energy.
boy do we know it.?
\stick with trees and bees and *) them that do.
you left too quickly again.
i wanted to hold you. i know...guys don't like that stuff...especially when their skin is all pins-and-need-ly.
happy trails...with your tasks and what-not
pls remember me when the wind kisses your cheek.
you R my brother.
you R a part-of-me Always
love Love
Always
--
ps. clever - seeds farms
-
and we got guests coming over...
www.urbanscout.org
survivalistbooks.com\ groups
farmersonly.com
www.homesteadingtoday.com goto the
countrystyle tree forum at 'homesteading today',
www.craigslist.org
-no end-
-
wow!
-guess i better 'zoom'-
-
boys R mean, always
- - -
move-608.txt v6-23-08...i love my sea-gal.
the ship-master has charts
papers, drawings scattered
all over the room.
and is totaly confused by
a maydn who simply enjoys
the -NOW-
example: her 6-12?-o8
for now, beeing happy while hiding from
bees is all that matters. later i may deal with gas prices and employment
issues. that is, if the bees and spiders and thunder and lightening don't
deal with me first. -
--
mood:upset..uptite..anoid.
im totaly confused by you
and.&#^!)..worse than that...
.
..
.
''you-R roc-king the boat.''
--
i think i will MAKE you
walk-the-plank...
just for be-ing a girl.
--
(.more.)
im going to guess what-ever
you posted next
will bring me some re-leef.
but befor it does i need to
dis-cuss where this ship is
head-ed.
may-b letting you off at
the next island,...
cuz i see characters developing.
and my-part in the-story is way
-shorter than expected.
--
log entry:
dear diary...
i bin trapped at sea with
this goose-ee woman for...
near six-moons now.
she has brought nothing but
pain teers songs and sweetness
to the crew. and a cheerful
light for them at night.
--
i have decided i am...
'worse-off' with her around.
and even MORE miserable
when she isnt here.
--
she works hard and keeps
stuff stored-away down-below
from going bad.
i even found her jarr-ing
new stuff...and wonder why
we ever need to see land again..
with her around.
--
eiy Mates! but she carries
a meen stick and demands much
her salt as any on board.
some say she's worth more.
but that wood be mu-tany.
--
one day...
she wrote a lovely peace.
so fine it nearly sank me.
beautiful and bold.
she posted her demands
on the captains door:
--
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I dont think men
should be confused about how to please the women in their lives. They just
have to learn to tune in.(.little shows of gratitude once a...)..listen...hug her...dont lie...respect(.place of honour.) her...with stability, balance, a
sense of order...be reliable.(trust).love them.the most of every minute.
(.skip to end.)
hopefully this pleezes you,
cuz it took some effort. (from this-girl) now, my next task... Founding
Fathers Begin: "I have a dream" , "Give me liberty or give me death"
--
(.later below deck.)
long-hours of brow-scratching
and nerv-us study at his desk
kept the captain up...
long nights, poor lights..
searching the serious-ness of
her words...
but...thank-goodness...
none of it...entered his
thick head.
--
.He did however...
.recognize its importance.
.pulled open a drawer...
where only his most PRIZE'd
possesion was kept:gnder108
and placed heRs...
beside His...
--
(.end of story.)
(.next comment.)
yikes! i need my freedom.
but WANT this girl too.
--
what a tug-of-war this is.
--
things will fall well.
things always do.
--
(.next comment.)
no they dont...and...
no-every-things-not-going-to-be-ok.com
(.new flick from infowars.com.)
that is why...
..i have trusted son-god.
you can take him at his word.
--
un-herd screems.
--
i opened a jar of fortune cookies.
... each paper had a promise
from the bible on it.
(.you need a jar like this maydn.)
havnt 'used' it in 2 years...
but today i needed answers.
its very amazing....
the first and only one i pulled out.
said:
''He heals the broken in heart, and
bindeth up their wounds'' -psalm 147:3
then on the back it said:
''In reT-urning and rest shall you
be safe.'' -Isaiah 30:15b
-no end-
-
-
-
(.next comment.)
(.hour later.)
...Maydn?
i never 'ask'd' you.
to print before.
but im 'asking' you.
to print this one:
svi608pp.txt
consider it a 'marriage agreement.'
tho we be lands apart.
we can still be one heart.
--
i dont make 'agreements.'
nor sighn anything..cuz.
..i bin..
triked to many times.
but this is different.
this will give life-blood
for both of us.
few marriages get that far.
...so lets be different.
--
you-R rite...somthing is 'wrong'
with 'legal' marriages...
forefathers wood not accept it.
today its a 'union' between you
your spouse, and the 'state'
(.cuz they want benefits.)
problem: this gives the 'state'
permission to take away your kids
if they 'feel' your not raising
them the way 'they' want.
yes...its true...i have heard...
the screems.
-
a 'marriage' without 'show' is
two-people accepting each-other.
and two-witnesses to watch-them
make the agreement...
witnesses: preferably people you
al-ready garden with the most.
(.not people you never see.)
cuz they can keep you and him
out of trouble...and...together.
more than a wedding-ring can.
--understand?
--
here is the 'print-me' part:
see: svi608pp.txt ...survivalblog.com
-no end-
svi608pp is at streem-one?
Thursday, June 19, 2008 sexy-man @ re-tribe
says: "um,, you need to make a list of things you want your male to do to
you... for a day... or..um...er.. for a night. stuff you want him to
always do to you. even if he must act-it-out.. for a day..." uncommon to
some women- i donut particularly enjoy talking about "relationships". you
either do-it well or you don't. a relationship you have to constantly
"work" at is not something you want to come home to and relax with.
blablabla. {many thanks to cut-and-paste and Hallmark for simple
sentiments made...ummm. simpler.} Inside, you will learn... How to
approach any woman without fear ... and get her number! Killer pick up
lines if you don't know what to say How to tell ... if your girl wants to
be kissed The most powerful attraction and seduction techniques A
step-by-step plan to get that woman you have feelings for! How to
successfully get a date with a model or a hottie Where to take women on
dates without having to pay a dime. Seduction secrets that will make women
melt in your hands A guaranteed way to get a girlfriend in the next 7
days! The biggest mistakes YOU make when it comes to women and dating Some
men are lucky enough to meet a sexy, free-spirited woman who throws all
inhibitions to the wind and invites them to discover all the secrets of
her sex... as she shows them everything and helps them reach incredible
new heights of pure, unbelievably intense sexual pleasure... Most men
would be fortunate to meet just one woman like this. These women shared
their inner-most thoughts about their bodies and their minds... and
revealed their most private sexual pleasures! Get ready to begin your
journey into the minds of these uninhibited, soul-baring women... So,
women are very humble, they are full of love and they want nothing more
than to see their beloved happy and successful, women nurture
spontaneously, they are responsible by instinct, they forget hardships by
nature and the only thing that really matters is that they have done a
good job. This is the Egyptian woman, very easy to please, very giving
even if she had no one to take care of her or appreciate her; she still
has the desire to give continuously and endlessly. So, I dont think men
should be confused about how to please the women in their lives. They just
have to learn to tune in, once a day, once a week or even once a month,
this makes us recharge our batteries, dig up a new strength and move the
world. So, be it a long stemmed red rose, a message or phone call during
the day, or a hug at the end of the day, we really need it and really
appreciate it because it means we really matter to someone out there.
Women want it all or none of it. They want to be understood but not
type-cast; they want to be happy but allowed to be sad; they want
companionship but dont need someone to be happy; they want honesty but
seldom the truth; they want equality while being placed on a pedestal and
most of all they want respect. Respect for who they are, where theyve come
from and where they are going. Dont pity them, coddle them or treat them
with kid gloves. Todays woman is a woman of diversity and contradictions.
What she wants today is not what she will want tomorrow because she is
setting new goals. Why men cant figure women out is because they are a
masterpiece in progress. A woman doesnt grow old; she just gets better.
Wonder why you cant put lightning in a bottle? Because it just moves too
quick. If we are to keep up there are a few keys to our survival. Number
one, listen. Number two, listen. Number three, listen. See a pattern here?
We men do a lot of hearing and not enough listening. Want to stay out of
trouble? Listen. Want to be the man of the house? Listen. Want to have a
long loving relationship? Listen. My God, listen till the blood drips from
your ears; listen till you want to scream out a solution; listen until she
has nothing left to say and when shes done, shut up and listen some more.
Women are the caregivers and if you want her to give, youd better do some
caring. Number four, hug her. Hug her in the morning, hug her before you
leave to work, e-mail her a hug and hug her ten times when you get home. A
woman is a fire. Want to keep her burning? You have to fan the flames. You
do that with hugs. Number five, dont lie. Dont white lie, dont sugar coat
the truth, tell it like it is. A woman can forgive a lot of things but she
wont put up with a snake in the grass liar. If you screw up, lost your
Christmas bonus at the track, forgot to take out the trash, catches you
staring at another woman, give it up, take your licks and move on. I
repeat, a woman can forgive anything, but she will not allow herself to be
disrespected. Lie to a woman you are dissing her. Tell the truth, you live
to play another day. Six, structure. Every woman I talked to listed
structure in their top three needs. A woman wants stability, balance, a
sense of order. She wants someone she can rely on. You say youre going to
be home at 6:00, you be home at 6:00. Running late? Call. The hardest
thing for us guys is to differenciate between support and total control.
Creating a foundation and stability doesnt mean trying to solve all the
problems to the point you disempower the one you love. Your love is not a
crutch but a bond. A bond where dependability is synonymous with trust.
Seven, love them. Love them most of all. Let it all out. Let it all out
every day, every minute of every second of every day. Be love, crawl up
inside of it and approach every problem with the question what would love
do now? If you do this, fear will never enter your life. What do women
want? They just want to be happy like us. They just have a different way
to show it. If you learn their language, listen when youd rather speak,
hug instead of just walking away, tell the truth till it hurts, be a man
she can depend on and love her like you love yourself. Youll no longer ask
what women want, theyll be asking you what you want and give it to you.
?So PLEASE don't present polygamy as merely a man's excuse to get multiply
laid! It was a God-send to many women too; who insist on a rich man (even
a shared one) or no man at all. *instead look for deep partnership, want a
best friend, a playmate, a partner in their mate. Rather than needing to
be with a man, many women are just fine being single and being their own
great company. But when in a relationship, women want companionship, and
they want the man to want that companionship and seek it out. Women want
men who will stay in the relationship when the going gets tough, and will
apply all necessary resources and tools to try to help the relationship
work. Women want fun, playful, creative, passionate men. Women want a man
who enjoys what life has to offer. They want a man who knows how to play,
who is not afraid to make a fool of himself, who lives his passions. They
want a man of creative, intellectual, playful substance. -NOW- I have
gotten through all the generic cut and paste: the next task would be ...
what does THIS woman want? a number of people that i have polled state
that, "some day they want to get married". "Married" is the ultimate
goal? ex: "so, i really love my boyfriend and he treats me well and we
have alot of fun together. but... if i can't see us ever getting married
then maybe i'm wasting my time." [insert scream of aggrivation] In my
opinion: anybody looking to get married is insane. Yeup, you heard it...
c-r-a-z-y! Oh ya, like i want to force myself (as much as possible) to
live with one person for the rest of what 70 years. mayb it'll work
out...but if it doesn't...oh well, we gave it a try. hopefully we Never
fight and things will Always stay the same for us. yah!? The only people
who should get married are those that have to! because they get knocked-up
and they'll be culturally disowned if they don't OR Jesus himself descends
from Heaven with angels and great, mystical music to announce that Mr and
Mrs. So-And-So should enter into vows of holy matrimony. Otherwise, people
should remain "friends" or "life-partners". Hopefully one can find both.
Soooo. do I want to get married? sure. if I am blessed. otherwise i'd like
to hang-out with someOne who enjoys my company, treats me like a queen,
plays with me in the mud, and.... likes to wash dishes sometimes. What do
i want My Man to do? whatever he likes/loves to do. be happy. see me/call
me/hold me as often as possible. talk to me just to trade sexy-voice
frequencies. kiss me All the time (especially before bed). be encouraging.
play with my toes (howd you know?). ask me what i'm thinking. tell me what
he's thinking. open doors. spank my bottom when i'm really really good. be
sporty. clean up after himself. turn his own socks right-side-out. ...and
sexy-stuff: that iam sensored from saying until i get further permission
or the courage to send an anonymous letter. hopefully this pleezes you,
cuz it took some effort. (from this-girl) now, my next task... Founding
Fathers Begin: "I have a dream" , "Give me liberty or give me death" , "To
be, or not to be." ,,, -- ox o x 2:43 PMMYSTERYyou want a mystery, don't
you Mr. Sweets? if its a mystery you want. then a mystery you shall have!
I have fuzzy ESPN so mysteries tend to get boring quick. by-george...i do
believe you love mystery. you reference to that often so i suppose i ought
give attention to what you reference to for this once. step one sleuth: be
very observant, always keep a keen eye for detail and common and/or
unusual appearances. step two sleuth: research research research and then
resource the research. step three sleuth: always always always follow
gut-instinct. step four sleuth: never be observed observing, unless of
course you want to be. Notice eye-contact. step five sleuth: be a very
very good climber and jumper step six sleuth: record, document, and then
record your documents and document your recordings. step seven sleuth:
learn to be right and wrong for fun. step eight sleuth: note that any
mystery is worth solving. Now, that i put that together... you won't know
when and you won't know where (thats how all good mysteries begin) but
you're gonna get a mysterious chance to change your very own Life for the
greater-good. (sounds like a redundant fortune cookie. right?) Who, What,
When, Where, Why, How. and How-come? you see, i can orchestrate this and
it cood be fantastic. however, i like to run things a little more
naturally...have fun with it too. you know. see what happens. though i
already know The End. only, (a be-ware sign) ,keep your back to someone
elses cuz if we feel alone for even one minute... RoarrUuummmmm!...belly
of the beast. to never be scene again. 12:56 PM AND
http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/interface2005.htm 1:25 AMTuesday, June
17, 2008 O"how will i ever tend the farm? when all i want to do is keep my
arm around you. yes you!" X Here I am again. waiting for you. i guess i
found some time. it was in my pocket. kind of convenient. i guess. i
decided to lock this 'hypgnosis' up only for you and me. now i know you
may not come evry day and tend to me as i wood love to see you do. and you
mayB come bored and ret-urn less and less often. you cood even decide that
im not the one and only girl in the whole wide universe made especially
just for you. for some unearthly reason i have accepted this. iam,
however, in a big hurry. i want it all Now. "they" say its a generational
thing. i think everything in life has many levels; including simple
sayings and standardized testing. Now, whenever we are able to lay down
arms...(we've been hugging an awfull lot)... and mayb just
bee-together...for fun; mayb this back'n'forth humping cood beecum fun
again. for me. what about you? i wood do it every night if i cood. every
day too if i am able to find a way. [insert drama for apology and make-up
process purposes] i have serious jealousy issues. don't be surprised if i
shut this bitch down again because I know you now have another
site...where you "subscribe" to other females. yah, i know, not your
problem. jealousy is a huge problem for me. especially when it cums to
MINE.! this holds me back. it keeps me lonely. when its just me, then
everything can be MINE and i donut even have to feel guilty about it. so
there. Will You Be Mine. (trick question to liven up the place)? [insert]
and im beginning to believe that you don't really want to hear any of
this no-sense from me. that you'd rather stimulate my sensibility and "get
her out of the bedroom". i want you to know that i do hear that stuff. i
appreciate it too. its nice to leave the bedroom once in awhile, sure. but
ive heard that that's when you know the honeymoon is over. so i say,
"bring the bedroom outdoors!". Really, there is Much-More to...me ( than
upside-down tricks and storm-riding? ...shsha right...like there cood be
more than that! ) --you know this-- ummm...only...where do i put it? 4:04
PMSunday, June 15, 2008 oh honey, come quick! look at my body. what is
happening to it? i have thousands of bite marks running up and down my
arms and neck and back and... my breasts...and my nipples are being chewed
on provocatively. ?? what do i do? i cannut get the feeling of you out of
me today. really, please, this is not funny. ooww, i cannut take it no
more! your hands all wrapped up in my hair and then on my waist with your
finger tips pressing into me. biteing on my stomach is making my legs numb
and i i'm feeling a little dizzy. yes, that's just right. right there, you
feel sooo good with your breath hot on my bottom lip. uhhh if that tongue
touches mine... oh i can only imagine what's going to happen. please my
sweet, you've been making my skin burn from the inside since i had my
first waking thought this morning. oh oh ah fuck. what am i gonna do? this
is too much. i'm scared. am i gonna die? i've never felt like this
before! -- xo 5:11 PMFriday, June 13, 2008 Prepare To Live *flint
box-waterproofmatches'butane' nosoapbrillos'dowels'string'caster
*waterproof amocontainer *special documents- birthcertificates'
sscards'passports'wwoofports' medicalrecords'creditreports'
criminalrecords'driverslicense' maps'zipmemory'photos' smallmetalcoins'
---- tonight i am wondering what could bee more exciting in life. these
little things are what Now is about. nothing else makes any sense. then is
gone and later is forever that. for now, beeing happy while hiding from
bees is all that matters. later i may deal with gas prices and employment
issues. that is, if the bees and spiders and thunder and lightening don't
deal with me first. -- 8:35 PMWednesday, June 11, 2008 Drinking
Watergeneral health info: water quality tests: contaminants- Microbial
(viruses, bacterias) cryptosporidium ; Inorganic (salts, metals)
fluoride-4ppm, alpha,total?-0pci/L, barium-2ppm, copper-1.3ppm,,,;
Pesticides and Herbicides; Volital Organic and Synthetic (by-products of
industrial processes and petroleum production) trihalometahanes-80ppb,
halocetic acids-60ppb ; Radioactive (some natuarlly occuring, some oil
production adn mining activities; Residual Disinfectants (chlorine-4ppm,
additives)......ppm(parts/million=one second in 11.5 days); i was recently
lecturing my sister on anarchism and how freedom has been somehow turned
into democracy. how in a few short hundred years...these theistic ideas of
freedom have brought forth so many good things. to list: inventions that
have turned this world (literally) upside-down, artists that have brought
forth truth and justice, equalities and education. this country has come
so far from its beginnings. we are still running from the bankers
however. fancy hummers have a way of making people forget. hummers are
only useful for so long. until we all get-off and then its back to the
grind. on-foot... 3:07 PMPolitical Lunatics on Sunday-MassNot-Much has
changed. The foundation remains the same. Only the faces have changed.
12:36 AMSunday, June 01, 2008 lady-libertyhow far are we? from that
french-repressional age? dark ages? communism? tyranny? i say not far. i
have been reminded that our "free" ways are new-er and that it has taken
alot of determination and repetition to get to this point. free
expression, free-trade, open-economy,,,,,,,new new gnew being able to
invent and create without jurisdiction is relatively a new idea. ---
my-c6168.txt - - - - v6-17-08: content of this document:a male with valuable-time.gives it instead...into the hands of a beautiful girl.
her previous posts:
buzzing...taptaptap....and invisible kisses to dream about.
--xo
NOW is sometimes too intense to realize.
Posted 6/11/2008 11:10 PM xxxxxostic block delete wishes do come true. even if they donut talk.
Posted 6/11/2008 10:24 PM xxxxostic block delete nope. not here. i guess as much as i like to "know" a person, i wood like one to "know" me too.
though i have come up hard, my insides remain soft. i've always appreciated them that way.
for you: if sun-god holds one's heart, then it truly free to share.
believe that i am truly free.
feel that, if anything.
-
Posted 6/11/2008 10:18 PM xxxxxnostic block delete
please talk to me? -now-
(heart sinking to my tummy)
i wantto be a doer
not a talker.
please help me do this.(more honey more!)
- - - end of her posts.
deuda_male wants to answer your 6-11-08 now:
ouch!...my heart...tugs when you say...
(more honey more!)
pleeez be patient with-me misstress.
note:
mistress: is a name
describing a complete heart-surrender...
to another person.
it almost meens 'queen'...
(.poor Male is hurtin Bad.)
-
(.more.)
yes mistress.
you are so female
to pull me out of
'past and future.'
and into -NOW-
-
Male cant see -NOW-
...female can.
-
i wood fite you but...
gendr108 tells me
not to.
just hold still...
let her do her stuff...
-???-
it must be a 'girl-thing.'
care-ing for a-part of
him he dosnt...
understand...?
-
male dosnt want
to talk-about it
'details'
cuz he 'CANT'see it...
mistress?:
his dEEper-need of you.
- - -
(.more.)
mistress im sooo sorry...
i get so 'busy'
that i bla bla bla..
and then bla bla bla...
so...
i will sit rite here beside
you and stop tring to tie
things together...
(plop)
.looking at your eyes and chin.
(.taking your beauty in.)
.holding your hand in mine.
uhh...
(.long quiet moments.)
um,,
you need to make a list of
things you want your male
to do to you...
for a day...
or..um...er.. for a night.
stuff you want him to always
do to you. even if he must
act-it-out.. for a day...
-
atleeeest...
''untill his heart is tugged.''
till he bigins to do it
on impulse...
cuz he knows your wishes.
and 'wants' to treat you so
so-so-so well.
so show him how!
-
im green! im teach'uble'
i bin watching mennonites...
so i think i know...
how a girl shood be loved.
its not a one-night-thing.
its a...
'surrender to your heart'
thing...
to surrender to it.
completly. one day and
every day. and all night.
completly committed 2U.
hmmm...nnow if only...
we cood meet people who...
still live that way...
hmmm....
people who love god.
to help us on our way.
-
(.more.)
maybe you dont like
some words i use..
like obill?
i can cut them out.
(.my hand squeezes your hand.)
maybe you want 'More'...
i just dont know.
(.my kiss Lands under your -EAR:)
-
pull-out a romance-novel
i will read-it to you.
how bout a bible story.
first and last 3-chapters.
a nation was built on this book.
-
how-bout
evolution-stories... 90 years-old now.
'evol' for short...
a nation... was destroyd by it.
hhhmmm... good words?
kids dont even know
their fore-fathers beliefs.
'in god we trust'
colonial writings arnt
in schools...cuz..
they loved god.
the idea now is to
destroy that love.. by
telling kids evol.
so they cant love.
they look for love.
but cant find.love.
only evol.
no truth. no light.
everything now is...
'made in china'
.even our beliefs)...
are communism.
no freedoms. no inventions.
only darkness.
cuz beliefs are...a big part...
of what makes a nation...
different.
think of it!
your child wont ever Hear
gods love. the bible.
words irish people herd
for 100ds of years:
and hoped you wood too.
the light is gone.
evol.won.
wmpress.org chick.com ftl.org?
-
freedom isnt for everyone.
and trying to get it back...
wood be bloody.
.
.
a new dark-age has
begun.
---
enjoy the 'NOW'
how-bout reading to you in circles...
(.girl-style.)
...enjoying every part of it.
love stories. messages from above.
words that make hearts strong.
somthing trusted for ages.
things grand-parents 'hoped'
wood be passed-on...
BE-SURE to read st.john and
the chapter in Romans.
in the B.i.b.l.e.:
b.asic
i.nstructions
b.efore.
l.eaving.
e.arth.
-
.maydn hates relejus stuff.
.so does son-god.
.he called relejus leaders
.'poison-snakes'.
.
.they killed him for that.
.relejus systems always
try to kill god.
.like evol does in school.
.
.the kid becomes agnostic.
.the teacher gets paid.
.so in god we trust.
.meens what.?
.
.
how bout reading somthing sensual!??...
-
nope.no.im h-ear to make your heart beat.
not bleed. not gush.
not pump-it-so-bad it starts screeming for
...more? ...this is love:
teach Male to be a good 'heart-keeper'
(.please move your hair so i can
breeth better.)
Q:what do you want in your garden?
A:that: Male was a good heart-keeper.
he didnt mess around.
(.the results were beautiful.)
no....no more 'heart-...breaking...
.abusive words..
you can teez her...but dont..
dont pull her heart into bad things.
-
why?
cuz im committed to her.
maken-love to a beautiful heart...
meenz not getting her drunk...
meenz not making her sick.
meenz years later her heart'
has no scars, no fears, no shame.
alcohol.(drugs).and a fowl mouth..
always brings scars thorns empty.
-
lay up treasures.
a good example!. follow them!
...yes be a squirrl...but not
a foul mouthed one.
-
i want Flowers to Bloom.
(.from her heart?)
a place Hearts can grow.
but you say no. hearts are only
for doing crazy-things and
getting hurt. bleeding. gushing.
crying.pain.
-
i say no.
i say a little touching...
.a little tugging. gentle leading.
.no more bleeding. tender care.
.pulls on your hair. no more 'rush'.
.hopeless crush. daily tasks.
.no more gush.
sweet smells on your.hands.
..no more anger...
when you and me are done.
plant-ing words in the son.
then let it rain!
-
.lots of care.
.lots of share.
.no more break.
.only tears.
.cuz it hurts.
.when love gets in.
.instead of lust.
.and hate.
(its a terrible distraction.)
-
.the golden rule.
.still in school?
.cuz no one knew.
.whats best for you.
.except the designer.
.of all things.
-
(.more.)
.male cant see.
.he has blind-spots.
.so do you.
.male says your wasting his time.
.you say it was spent wisely.
.cuz its time spent with you.
.the typing too.
buzzing...taptaptap....and invisible kisses to dream about.
--
if i can-nt do it rite...
then i wont do-it at all.???
i want to pleese
mistriss bery3-08 much!
(.songs.)
it thrills males-heart.
she watches him
bump and blunder.
trip and stumble.
flip and fall.
the entire wauy.
like a new-born deer.
tring to find first steps...
with... the..others.
-
-
(.arms around your heart.)..
stag-hugs...
trying to make peace with...
a grace-ful doe....
she has eyes that make his Tail-twitch
both are acting silly...
.
.x - x - x .
.ouch.!
you can let go of my hand now...
i think your..you.. yeeeow!
your breaking my fingers off@
-
-
you know what maydn...
i like sitting here with you...
watching my fingers turn blue.
-
i almost forgot i was a stupid male.
and thhat i got better things to do.
-no end-
--xo
(.comment added much later:)
it can all be wrapped-up
in my favorite chick-tract:
''this was your life''
www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0001/0001_01.asp?wpc=0001_01.asp&wpp=c
-
(.next comment:two days later.)
june-21 solctice sun
now closest to the Earth.
please stay out of the heat-waves.
-
.body looses iodine after...
just a few sun-cell-mirowave exposures.
.skin wont heal.
.keep salt out of sunlight.
-
things to do:
tug more hearts to visit galeeb.blogspot.com
re-lated groops wood be:
urbanscout.org survivalistbooks.com\groups farmersonly.com
singles-tree forum at 'homesteadingtoday.com?',
google:survivalist rewild retribe 12tribe xanga reenact
post important tools\lists at re-chat.
-
and most important of all:
dont drive deudamiff crazy
with your smiles..:-)...
.
.
.
x
.
just cuz he loves you.
-
(.more.typed late, after dark:)
i still have the 'first message'...
ever-sent by hip_gnostic (now hxxxostic)
to deuda_m.
the very frsst one.
(sigh) you-R so dream-ee!...
i want to hold your heart...
watch it..pitr-patr.pitr-patr.
even when 'rain-rain' feelings.
makes you wet-wet.
teach me to hold your-heart...
fffffirm until your done.
and be a good male/to you.
i need to know i can hold-it.
when emotions want to go-off!
i need to know 'my hands.
keep you together...
and do not pull you apart..
-
your words are so precious.
your heart is so precious.
your words <-- um...?
cuz i dont get
to have a girl who can
type\talk like that...
you probly shoodnt but...
god knows...what males need.
it was so few words.
they work so well on me.
why me...why me....
people can laff it off.
but i cant...
i got tuff-times now...
E-Z-daze are gone..(4evry1)
what you gave is all i got.
i dont laff to well anymore
(no1can).
i have what you gave.
(.you are everything a male
cood want.)
you sure know how to
make me free-up-inside.
its like you were pre-?
pre-paired to help me.
before i ever knew you.
(.more.)
i gota quit typing
like this...im trying to say:
these words:
''your so precious to me.''
i will put them in our garden.
and hope somthing good grows.
but your looking at me like
you want that word 'precious'
pulled out cuz you dont
know what male is feeling.
well mrs.Bias Female you
post some odd words too!
-
maybe i will just hold
your words...
a little titer. in my hands.
in these dark-days and...
say 'thank-you'
(i printed them)
cuz 'thank-you' is all
i can say when...
stupid female cant understand.
-n-O-end-
-
(.next.)
dark and late is the hour.
crikets-chirping
the 3rd moon 'looks' FULL.
do you watch it with me?
(yahhwn)
mood:silly tired questions.
i cant think strayt when
its this late...
i wanted to keep typing anyway.
i think you like it that way.
chills! cool-dark night.
pitr-patr pitr-patr...
you still feel warm
and bright.
-
listen male..to her beat.
listen male...at her feet.
let her calm you.
let her rest you.
cuz it took...
a-lot of water
a-lot of seeds
to get-her
this close to you.
water and seeds(flour)
makes a fine pasty-mess.
so you two can
stick-together.
threw thick and thins.
a friend loves at...(yahwwn)
all times.
and her heart fffffeels good...
when..it...rests safe..
in son-gods.(yahwwn)..hands.
....
...
...
..x.
.zzzzzzzh.
-(.oh god how i love
this maydn...dont ever
take her away from me...
make a-way for her
and meet her deepest
needs.
bring-her to yourself...
soon,)
-
-
-
(.next morning.)
after-much...
rubbing-thumping...
sleep-walking?
no sleep-humping..
the-day came back.
and glad! to see it.
that was a long trip.
um..do we do that
every nite?
i feel like going
fora neet-new project.
making kiefer cheese!
after a walk(patrol).
but feeling you
beside me
pulls me back to last
nite...
-
(.looking at her.)
commited meens:
to her only. i can talk
about things i woodnt
say-type to anyone else.
(.thank-goodness.)
so here cums more:
little-shows of affection.
and tungue-kissis.
must meen alot to maydn.
im leening on gnder108
cuz i dont knoe.
male only thinks male.
thats why i need gnder108
tell me what she likes.
tell me what i like but...
was to ashamed to say it.
a real person put gnder108
together. see maydn?
someone made
alot of goof-ups.
to find our differences.
so we cood understand
each-other better.
its a step-stone so we
dont have to 'goof-up'...
and-or just get angry...
id hate to be the persons
who made it possible.
but then...
see? wee need people.
their hard-learned skills.
its a natural defense.
to go-look for people...
the kind you...
...want to be like,
even if they arnt human.
they may have a 'trate.'
you value.
you hold to be.. precious.
-
(.more.)
when this new-day gets
to exciting for bed...
i reech for a scripture-song...
to get my mind fed.
.in-tune with older-powers.
.a person i want to be like:
.god.
.
.
.old-path says to sing it
to maydn from a book.
.but i dont like my voice..
and find it easier to just..
.flip-a-switch.mp3
.
.(.still looking at you.)
oh maydn...(.sigh.)
your so....(-x- -x ----x)
i better not say.
.
.
i 'CANT' feel for you when you
speak of tungue-kisses.
i keep all my affections...um.
between my legs...
but since girls got nothing
like that...then they must
make-up for it by having a tungue
tuned-up for 'exploration'
.
.if thats what you need...
.and you teach me to like it too.
.you can 'have-at-it'.
.i will seal my lips around yours.
and you can have easy-entrance.
.and go as deep as you want.
.committed to her.
.meens meet...her urges.
..'NOT' make them worse!..
.
.
.did i say it right?
.
.maydn?
-
why are you looking at me...
like that?
i was just tXXX..-O-
(.two hours later.)
.
.-O-
.
(.three hours later.)
.
.-O-
.
(.noon-time.)
.
oh maydn!....i see what you meen.
but you hurt my cheese.
-
--xo
.
.
.
deudamiff...is red?eey
to re-answer your 6-19-08
-NOW- ...(.again.)
my '2nd' comment about it.
--
that was beautiful misstress.
-(.hugs.)-
Thursday, June 19, 2008 (weblog)
sexy-man @ re-tribe...
--
its sooooh beautiful.
its the answers
i bin waitn for.
-
listening to your...
-NOW-
--
-
you typd somthing wonderful.
Reed it with gendr108
and watch what happens.!
....very emotional.
--
.but it wont work!.
-
-
WE-Be..
completly different creatures.
all you can do is...
''find somthing that guys like.
and say 'thats it! thats it!''
-
-
...??
he says:...thats what/./?
she says: you like looking at
my upper-half and lower-half..
right??..
...(.he wont answer.)
she says:well...thats what
hugs do for me!
they drive me crazy!
hugs and little-comments.
more and more every day.
building up that love-bank.
-
letting me talk without
you trying to fix-it.
just letting me talk.
and you listen listen listen.
that drives me crazy!
--
(.next.)
note: both sexes help and hinder...
each other...bringing balance.
example: a womans body meens
very little to me when i have
maydn to love and type too.
its better than lust.
but without her... i wood do
anything for attention.
any fantasy to fill the void.
any body any lust. just stop
the void..(no love)
-
-
-
(.next.comment.)
-?-
maydn typed 'i love you dude!'
.it finaly touched me.
.it heeled a hard.(green) heart.
...femn1207.(abusive.) was moved.
(.see link to deuda_m)
...and for the first time...
...i send my girl... flowers.?
.(teeeers)...
...here maydn. these are for you:
...link to flower-pic (fit for post)
see urbanscout.org ic.org icdb
localharvest.org honey-house? okokok
sand-bag earth-architecture.
.
.
..X-x-- -o-
.
thank-you for being N-ear me.
threw thick and sin...
and all the things i shood've said...
every day...every night...
thank-you for making me
somthing i wasnt: nice to be with.
for teaching me to be a man.
and waiting and watering.
and not giving up on your plants...
even when you knew...
...it woodnt be much...
even if it 'did' grow up.
-
atleast...
it grew you some flowers.
i love you.
--xo
see?
the captain does get into his
prize-drawer,
mmmmh on a blue-blue-moon.
-no end-
-
-(.more bla.bla.bla.)
mood:passionate... but upset.
maydn?.
why didnt you tell me these things.?
.what a girl wants...(.this-girl wants.)
.god im so stupid..you have bin!...
but even better at 6-19-08.
may-B you-R just more 'direct' -NOW-
maybe i was just 'listening' -NOW-
cuz i lost my queen.(.or felt i did.)
.at the time.
---
.you still 'expect' things.
.
.List them!...
.
.but you say: i want it 'natural'
.not cumming out of him cuz i 'said' to.
.
..deuda_m answers:
..i understand that.
.you dont want a dog.
.
.but he is a 'man'...his thuts
.R-not woman-thuts. so...he CANT.
.you-R dreamin of a guy who has
.a womans-brain...it wont happen.
.
.
.
it wood be ideal...he wood know
how you feel and everything.
.
.it wont happen.
.men and women got different brains!
.(gendr108)
.
.he looks at you. and likes what you got.
.
.but he dosnt 'got' one..
.so HE-DOSNT-KNOW...he wont ever.
.
.you say:
.boy..if only you knew what its like
to have a child...
..
and i say:
umm...no.thankgoodness i wont.!
.im totaly a differnt creature.
.
.
.im totaly blind.
.
.so when i ask for a honey-do LIST.
.
.be humble.
.
.admit its true:
.he is a male.
and will think-male.
.
.if that man is 'EVER' going
to please me...im going to have to
'TELL' him what to do...totaly stupid.
.
. -?-
.
.are females blind too?
.cant they see what we like?
.
.im thankful there IS commonground.
.
.but we get so excited we forget...
.
.where 'common' ends.
.
.
.
.
.i'm not happy with this '2nd'
.comment about your 6-19-08 post.
.
.im only typing it cuz...?
.
.things 'YOU' like..i need to
let you.find.
.
.and you wont if i post only
.things 'i' like.
.
.My extra words...are
.extra kissis and hugs..
.
.-x- x- -o?
.
.i still think 'kissing' is bad.
.its 'meenz' to a girl.
.somthing it wont to a bouy.
.
.see?
.
.different brains.?
.
(.he dosnt got one of those..
.so he dosnt know.)
--!
.
.
.thats it!
.
.thats the problem:
...guys think!
.
.not 'one' moment are they
.thinking like a girl.
.
.now you see why
.i ask for lists.?
.
.as-soon as i stop reeding them.
.(.what girls want.)
.
.i go back to what i do best.
.
.thinking.what guys think.
.
.see? now show love and patience
.let it grow!//
.cuz you got a place where its
.needed:
between a man..and. a woman.
.
.and the kids between them
feel the struggle.
.
.the love..the patience...
.these two stand together.
-
-
-
- (next comments.)
(.day two:.)
.
.completely different thuts
about you cum2mind at night.
.and more! just b4morning.
.
.
.the re-ality that you...
.ARE the ??? of my life.
.
.deer male look closely!
..like.it.ore.not..she 'does'
'TAKE' your time...
.and spends her time..with you.
.
.now... do you see whoat
.that makes her.--> ?
.
...-?-
.
.then ME sat-up in bed and got..
.very tense...
.o-no! i thut. it cant be!
.yes...no?
.
.you bin cumming to her so
hard and so long you didnt..
notice it...
.
.she's 'the woman in your life'
.
.your deerest friend.
.
.you tell her everything.
.
.when you want to study Jarr-ring.
you always include her, and talk
to her about it..cuz she helps
you focus.
.
.she has bin nothing to you..
.but the deerest friend...
.
.how cum you only notice it now?
.
.male?
.
.hello?
.
..for someone who thinks alot
you sure dont think much.
.
.
.(.next comment.)
.
.maydn..im..im so sorruyY#!
.
.your so special to me and
ui donut know hoew to sey it.
.i necver will! (.stupid male.)
.
.just keep doing...
.whatever you do.
.and love me to.
.
.please?
.
////..i love you even
more than i ever did...
each new problem...
..each new pain...makes
males-heart 'bigger' for you.
female gets more pleasure..
cuz male is 'Big-Grrr'
and so she 'gives' more.
and THAT makes male even 'BIGG-GRR!!er;
and the love and relationships
grows ever deeper, wider, taller.
more gorgeous..more lovely..
more male...more female..
like a tree...spinning up and down
at the same time.
its very lovely to watch..
..um...
its kinda nice to 'HAVE' too.
--
(.next comment.)
so now i make-love to maydn
every-day.
and mate with her...
almost every nite.
she is just so 'good'
to be with.
she makes the heart happy.
--
she is very beautiful.
i love her berry much.
00..ohh! -X-
-4ever-
-
(.more.)
-
yes i got your number you posted...
yes i wood be shamed to loose it...
i just dont know 'how' to use it...
...you are beautufull.
..i dont wunt to mesh up.
....just cus i dont know what to say..
.im glad you know me unside.
...buut outs-sid? um..im im just a guy,
what 'fun' is that?
.
.wait...
.
.eveb uf you told me..
;
.i wood have to just be-live you.
.
.cuz 'fun' to a male isnt 'fun'
to a female//
.
watching us both try to get 'fun'
at the same time wood be...?
embersing... and amu-sing.
.
.um... i love you..
.
.you deserve all from your male!
..
...you dont qwit.(tears.)
so..
.i besser not qwit..
..i better love...do-it.
just for you.
..i will 'try' to.
.
.just for yuu.
..try to call soon.
00say i love you.
--
is it thaht hard?
will i get hard?
..
...just calm-me down.
..your good at that.
--heart-burst!
.
.
.no.
..
.
.i must be willing.
..cuz you want to
.'Heart-Keep'...not..harm?
.
.and that makes mne want
to talk to you even more.
.
..
.
..
.er..i meen...
.a man that wants to be good.
-to you-
...
Deudame
I was so glad to hear from him. I hardly believe it was you.
But you called for me! I am in Heaven!
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to say anything. I didn't know what not to say. I wanted to say everything all at once. I was hoping to just say anything. (very awkward feeling)
In shock I was. You know that moment righht before you're putting the jar in to seal? Is everything gonna turn out all right, spice and all? or could it explode right in your face? oh the pressure! i love it.
"Though we be lands apart, our hearts be as one."
i was hoping to be more patient and let the line still for a moment, that we might give ourselves some time to truly get on line and say....
I Love You.
hope to hear from you sooner than later.
<--love-->
eff-8--8.txt - - - - v8-15-08 3pm i want to be 'her' heart-keeper.
note: this post got BIG and hand-some.
it built-up slowly. From many times.
so just read the heart-parts you like.
--
NOT-all.in.one.Gulp!
emotions moo-d slowly.
paused at paused
Hi Maydn! ...
enjoy this...
it-is a males heart breaking
for you.
'gush'...'gush'
maybe you can fix him later.
- - -
these are notes that began
on 8-8-08...
(.next.)
nights are cooling...
tomatoes are ripe.
mushrooms and berries
are back.
--
Early morning a dOe
came to our garden
with her two babies//
white-dots on them..
totaly new to this
strange world...
sniffing everything.
'shiny' black-eyes
--
the 5th-moon is bright.
i was thinking last nite...
'dont marry the girl you love'
'love the girl you marry'
--
wow...N.O.W.
thats tuff-love.
--
you be what you
want to be to me. o-k?
i see no faults in you.
no ugliness
...no weakness.
its all gone.
blind was the love that
brot me to you.
blind is love that
keeps me at youR side.
--
(.next comment.)
mood:romantic
have not typed to you for
so long!
inside me i fear it is my
last!
i only came to gather your
posts wich i have wanted
so badly for moons now...
(.or it feels like moons.)
the phone calls were great
but that to must end...
you have bin using my
parents number
and you can now ask them
what-ever you want about
me. you are family.
and you belong with me in
these hills.
(.i keep you in my heart
so dont worry about my
teeeeers.)
if you leeve a message
say its from 'Maydn'
i doubt my parents want
to help you get to me.
they have kept me a lo-ner.
and you will find out how
badly as you ask questions...
they are very old! 70's
and i have no one to love
but you maydn.
so be gentle to them...
they may not talk to you
when they hear your beleifs
thats the trouble-spot.
so be carefull.
keep the door open long
as you can.
when they die i will have
no-thing...
dreams are hard to follow
when family cords break.
--
compared to most boys
on earth...
i have already lived...
a rich life.
and jesu
has promised me more.
maybe more with you.
--
what about the new-age
evolution god that is
merging all relegions into
ONE.
the coming of a Leader
that will merge them All
the pope?
...?
i cant be a part of that.
you know me maydn.
'lifes greatest decision'
i can not join a one-world
beleif school-system...
i hear about evolution-theory
and creation-theory...
and i came to my fatal decision:
how old did Adam 'Look'
when god created him?
probly like me.
fully Mature.
--
but how old was Adam reeely?
god just made him a few days ago.
same thing with evolution maydn.
how old does the Earth look?
how old does the universe look?
but god just made it a few
days ago.
that is a very frite-ning th-ot.
-wow!-
i hope that this
leeds you to jesu soon..
.its just a phone call away...
get on your knees and tell him
what you think...
.. ready to take his offer.
no i do-not know how blood can
'pay' for anything.
no i do-not 'know' how Bad my
faults must look like to a
god that can-not forget.
no i 'do-not' know how horrible
Hell must relly feel and scream like
(.the real location.)
--
but it-is nice to know
you do not 'need'
to find out!
please maydn...
before its to late?
tell him you will take him
if he will take you.
--
you said you wanted to have a
open-discussion about 'salvation'
i told you about:
chick.com
fellowship tract legue.
wmpress.org
then you said...
'but what do you think?'
here is my answer:
i heard it.
i believed it.
i asked him.
i took him at
his word.
like a little child that
can not possibly see the
danger or the cost...
i said:
jesu? clean me and gide me.
-thank you-
i trust you to clean and
gide me.
no matter what i think of
my-self.
(.more.)
i do accept that god
made everything...
but everything is NOT god!
He is the Creator.
everything else is
create-ed.
i accept you. will you
accept me.. im making what
you did. my save-er. and
nothing else added.
now help me live a new life
with works you want me to be
a-part of.
--
Deer Maydn...you wanted an
open-discussion about the
salvation-doctrine. but
mostly what eye-think.
eye-hope eye-let you-see
a little more about me...
in the above few lines...
i cood not do on the phone.
As for those menonites in
and around you:...you will
become like the people you
are with the most.
you do have a-part.so-play it.
with lots ofpractice.
find good-heart-keepers.
I-aM-NOT...a good heart-keeper.
you let me practice ON-You. and
that meenz a-lot-lot to me.
but when i gide you to alcohol.
drugs. sex. majic-words...than
im destroy-ing your home. and
im not loving-you. please forgive
ME...and help me do better.
not be Abusive.
--
god?beiefs?
is not out-side ones body
like you told me...
the Bible says: WHAT? know ye
not that your body is the temple
of the Holy...which is in you.
which ye have of god...and ye
are NOT your own...for ye are
bought with a price.(.his blood.)
therefore glorify god in-your-body
and in your spirit.which are his.
i.corinthians 6:19
...so this meens YOU are the church.
not a bunch of wood and stones.
He wants to be with you.
this is far from the mysterious
methods and dead-headed relegion
most people.(.me.) grow up with...
it is so clear to me that god
wood be your deerest and
real-est friend.
for he MaydE the entire
friendship-ideas to begin with!
and love. and joy.
but 'free-choice'...which meens he
waits....for you.to seek him.
know him better. be closer.
he has chosen to do this...by his
WORDS..(jesu.) the same thing he
used to MakE the stars.\\
Nature tells about him too.
i like you adding new posts
cuz they tell me about you.
it makes sense that god wood
be sure to leeve posts too.
in nature, in his words.
...to you.
--
(.next comment.)
i know so little truth.
just enuff to call him for
help.
do i still do wrong things?
will i change?
i do-not feel anything...
feelings change.
so one bible-verse helps me
so much:
king-james bible:
the ep.john 1:6-10
(not st.john)
if we say we have fellowship
with him, and walk in darkness,
we lie, and do not the truth:
But if we walk in the light,
as he is in the light, we have
fellowship one with another,
and the blood of jesu his Son
cleanseth us from all sin.
if we say we have no sin, we
decieve ourselves, and the
truth is not in us.
(.maydn this next part i trust
with my soul.)
If we confess our sins(faults)
He (jesu is your only-priest)
is faithful (not me) and just
to forgive us our sins, AND to
cleanse us from A.L.L. unright.
(.end.)
isnt that wonderful maydn?
how wood you like to be
forgiven....but not healed.
how wood you like him to
clean you. but never forgive
you?
i hold this deeer to me cuz
it tells me i can trust
him...not feelings...
feelings change.
no i dont feel clean all
the time...that doesnt
change his promise to clean.
he must yet work with my
feelings...
he has adopted me!
he is my Save-er.
not church
not Behaviour.
he knows i am a mess..
He did-not buy a perfect
person...
he is still working on that.
--
nope.. he does not 'talk'
to me.
He-knows..
what im go-ing to say...
but he Waits for it cuz
he likes it when we Ask.
i know you want me to ask
you things too..even if
you 'know' i want them...
you wait for me to ask...
thats tuff-love..
he gave me the bible.
to know exactly what He
feels about me.and what
people are doing around me.
in their hearts.
how cood you not want that?
maydn..
please dont con-fuzse My
mue-tated dis-torted per-verse
sin-sual emo-tional eff-ectual
love i have for you.. for
pure-love... gods love...
i try my best..but...welll'?
you know...i need to
practice on you more.
--
(.next comment.)
here is one more frit-ning th-ot:
fossils do not happen!
when the Bison were
killed by the millions...
not one bone remained.
dead-things decay.
scavangers?
--
fossils is proof of rapid-burial.
unbelee-vable mass-destruction...
a flood!...and no time to think.
fossils re-mind us that god
reeee-lee hates evil.
the tho-ts of mens minds was
only-evol continualy.
so he ended that world.
judgment day came.
there was no-time to screem.
and it will happen again.
--
please maydn....think of it.
--
i close the topic for now.
but hey...
why buy bread when
you can marry the baker!
god wants you...
that much.
and it wood be a
shame to trust 'your' eternity
to a pope-LiE like evolution.
my-god wood never do that.
--
(.close.?)
no.. wait!...
maydn did share with me
somthing she-said ment alot
to her...
it says:the doctrine of
effectual calling, by
soveriegn?grace.com
an anabaptist? essay
she said its not perfect
but it sums up her beliefs
as close-lee as she knows.
(.next comment.)
wow!
i thut id N-ever get to
this part:
my papers to type in for
you maydn to reed...
--
i was going to say it
on the phone.
but your voice...um...
my chest got tite and i knew i cood
never say it to your face.
i got a stupid voice anyway...
you need to hear
the romantic man.
the gorgeous sexy-beast
you love on streem-8.
and not me.
--
the words are from the heart.
i know cuz i wrote them.
and you canot enjoy it when you got
a nerd-voice (.mine.) trying to
talk them to you.
--
typing is better.
here it goes, here it flows...
from a heart that learns to love you:
(.papers start here.)
so grab my balls and keep me faithful.
please understand.
thee-se are only my feelings.
i like having them.
but feeling canot be trusted.
feelings change.
but i will always share them
with you maydn.
--
mood:love,commitment, and feelings
for heart and body.
--
i dont like hiding things from
you anymore 8-8-8 ...
cuz you are great to be with.
i dont want to loose that.
i will tell you everything
unless you say not to.
--
if hour toes ever do touch.
i just want you to know that
i surrender to you completely
as my Queen and my Bride.
to open my heart to you and
satisfy you completely and
constantly.
as you have given me so much
pleasure and so many opportunities
to practice loving and obeying you.
--
to constantly keep your bed
vibrating and passionate.
to pull your hair and excite
your deepest senses.
to take care of your needs,
long-eengs, and dreams.
''i may..fuck you fantastic OR
fuck you till you die.
you-R choice''
note:''this was messaged to me.
and yikes! i like it lots.
so its now typed bak to you.
--
(.more.)
mood:commitment,
feelings for heart and body.
for i have found my deep-est
joy in loving-you.
and be-ing Loved 'BY' you.
it hardn has-bin so wonderful.
How can i not listen to you
when all i want iz to be
with you More...
U-give my Poor-Heart Songs.
and Joys a Man cood Never
de-serv.
(.more.)
You Are Flowers For my Heart.
(.see pictures.)
and give Me warm-m Hopes.
When i need your company
and your words so desparatly.
--
In Love you may Correct ME.
In my Faults Be Merci-full.
your beauty adds new flavours
to every Heart-part of Me..
giving my heart-parts new
features new skills to enjoy.
You fiil-up my health
my time and my thots.
ALL rite-fully yours.
and spent with You.
--
For She Has Won my Heart.
I wood keep my Arms around Her.
I wood know if she Loves me too,
As making-lob-2U.
as you flow around me do.
show me how to please you...?
My Every-Longimg goes to you.
Your-BEAUTIFUL-JEart.
--
affections for me...
Not just with your time.
but with your heart-beats
i can feel them all.
--
(.end.)
that is the end...and..
Im NOT going to type ALL that.
(??...ooops...i did.)
cuz i think any-bouys jeart
wood say the same thing. if
you gave jim a cjance two.
Its just a si-en that my
affections for you are Reel
and Healthy and Normal.
for a Gie tp have.
And Yes....YOUR.LOVE.HURTS.
--
...but its good for me.
thank-you Maydn for giving
me all these feelings.
and lot-and-lots of practice.
...
Long Live The Queen..
..who insisted on better
and stronger Males
for herself.to Love.
...
(.end of paper 8-8-08..)
..next pasted later:
paper 8-9-08:
Just silly boy-ish stuff,
but i must have Ment it.
cuz it got on paper.
Some of it i think isz bad.
i dont KNOW what my heart
is saying sometimes...
so i just write it down.
and hope you will forget it.
the parts you like...
i may sing theM to her?
i want to say a good-nite Wish.
do yoy want to change it a little?
do you like it the-way it is.
i want it to please you...
this meens letting someone
else finger the paper-work..
.(.i love that.).
i like what i write...
but when you Add little changes...
...WoW.!!
my fantasys can-not even do that.
--
God brot the animals to Adam...
to see what he wood name them...
maybe a girl cant understand this.
but your Male goes crazy-with-love
when you add your own touches...
it becomes 'our' home. not 'My'.
do you see maydn?
some things are left un-done...
on purpose// heart-parts are..
missing.
when you make the changes...
you are helping me love you.more..
AND-THATS...what i reee-ly wanted.
--
(.next comments.)
Write This Down...WTD:
I Love You Maydn//pause.
I love loving You.
I love making-love To You.
I love making-more words
of love To-you.
and then getting Them
all red-ee For-You.
..it just feels so good.
this wont get Notty
i hope.
--
(.more.notty.)
Teach Me to fall in love
with you again.
over and over again.
make me so pleasing 2U/
that you can-nut stand it.
the words.the songs..
the goals. the Habits.
Modify Him so that He is
only able to Please...YoU.
--
locations.commitments.patients.
kindness.gentlness.peace.
and lots of hearrt-tug-gzz.
--
On the other-side of things:
do you like it when i re-Model you//?
do you like it when i RET-you.
do you like it when i comb
your hair with special words.
do you like it when i Poo-uLL
your tongue into my mouth and say:
''mu-mmpf ffef Lmmpff Fooof! ''
tung-out that wood be:
Maydn.. I Love YOU.
--
you have posted so much!
how can i not love yyou/!
i love being yours.
your words capture me.
--
i love it when you add stuff.
adding and rubbing a feminine
flavour to give it more taste.
(.tasty for a girl anyway.)
keep adding and rubbing...
example:
do you like how i talk to you?
dp you like story-time.
do you like it when your maLe
gives full attention to your
Heart-parts.
do you like the topics.
do you like me too?
--
(.more.)
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
i canot answer a girl that
opens herself to me like
you-do.
all i can say is: i Love
you so much...it hurts.
please know it/ feel it.
it is the kitten playing
with the grass-hopper.
To-Fun.to-Much.yum-Yum.
--
(.more.)
Maydn? you can always say 'NO!
to me...
...did you 'know' that?
beutiful music wood not be
beutiful if there were not
'stops' at the rite places.
saying 'No' to me is a test.
its painful...but it Helps
me become a better Male 4U/
and...
i find-out what you dont like.
part of me is forced to
obey you...and that-is Love at
its pure-est moment.
did not i 'Ask' for changes?
sometimes a 'No' is the most
powerful thing you can 'Add'
to your male...and the heart
parts you both are growing.
--
(.next.)
so...please 'Add' your little
ideas and changes to mee.
It helps me know you love me.
-green branches will not
always be green.
the longer you hold them'
the harder they get.
Bend them to fit your taste.
but dont break them.
these are skills of a
heart-keeper...
and mine... is You. --x--xo
--
so touch me while you can.
water my heart with your
smiles and tears.
it will only make a better
Man.
a better lover.
a better friend.
a better Year.
...and...um...
spmthing better to
mate-with too.
(.end of paper 8-9-08.)
--
this next stuff is from
papers that show some times
we had on the phone.'
the parts i wood not say
over the phone may be here
too.. so it may
get a little Bu-ump-ee//
papers 8-10-08:
somthing in me still crys
for peace.... maybe the world
gives only tastes so we wood
ask jesu for the real thing.
--
be a-part of rite works.
Are You
shy around new people?
love 'your' needs...
dont be ashamed of needs.
i say that to myself .um..
cuz i need maydn.
--
i so-WanT her with guys
that Stay 'with' their Mate.
customs they keep probly cuz
they Meet weekly with others
who do-too...understand?
i want to say a 'church'
but then...a tatoo-shop
cood be called a 'church'
so cood a public-school.
the reasons people flock
together..can be strange.
--
is marriage an agreement to
stay together...or is an
agreement a marriage...?
ooof!
when two bodies become one.
--
Its amazing the books i now
look-at..the plants i now
study...just cuz i got
a heaart to teeez...
a girl to pleez,,all is new.
you said once: WILL YOU BE MINE.
...thank-you maydn..for be-long
...ing... to me.
--
(.next comment.)
a small record of phone calls:
(.cuz i loved them.)
with parts on paper i never
said...cuz it was to-hard to
squeeze in...when you are
talking in real-time mode.
to the One You Love -start:
Hi Maydin,
i want you with me tonight,
is that o.k.?
-we can talk about our dreams.
Or i can just reed books to
you More.
-you can say 'no' ..
..but cum anyway,,,please.
cuz i need you, i want you.
i love you...i just want you
to be red-yy.
-can you call me anytime.
you can leev a message.too.
-i relly want you to say 'yes'.
will you call me when redy?
just say this is maydn or
wait for me.
i will try2have things redd-e
when you cum. (.call.)
get rested first cuz i want
to get ruff..(.lots'o questins.)
-um...maydn...you CAN say 'no'.
...to me. i can wait.
im committed to You. so if...
your not available..oR your..
'natural' depression-mood
comes back.... i can wait.
(.weaks.)
-i want you to be in-th-Mood tho.
i dont wantyou doing-it cuz you
know i want-it.
-I'd feel better if i cood reeed
your eyes and mood myself...
but i cant...i'm on the phone.
im trusting you teLL yor h-art.
...i..kind'of know it..
..but..then i kind'of do-not.
Me loves you!...thats the Only way
i can 'find' you sometimes.
--
(.next-paper.)
Are You Ready for This?
In our Honey-House,
In the living-Room.
is a topic you asked for.
you can look at it.
play with it. write it down.
Now oR Later.
--
i REEL-ee want to go-for a
walk with you into story-time.
again, but if you want to just
stay Home and Talk we can do
that...
i try to put//everything in
my heart on the Table for Yu
two Look at.
--
I Remember submit-ting to Yu!
as my Queem when we sat beside
streem-ate...when i first open-ed
to you and showed you th-Lion...
th-boy.th-brother...and other
feelings i have...i bRot them to
Yu and described them as best as
i cood.../hoping Yu wood take
THEM and love ME always....but/
now i see i'M not very good at
putting anything on the table.
...i take to long. i wait days
before i answer you..and i dont
talk very well...
(.Try typing all this to Me///
and you will know what i meen.)
And when i get a Topic Red-ee
for you...is it? femenine.?
no! its no use to you...
i put these words together//
just for you//cuz im getting
enuff of you to Stay excited
and in love...
i wish i cood do same for Yu.
(.next.)
Now we can get into Topics
wich need your-special-touch.
in the Honey-House.
Or,spend time beside streem-8.
where i love you always.
Or, we must venture a long Trip
in-to Mountain-ear-ring books.
Grimm Tales
and-Or just go Thicken.
Below-the-Root.skills:
Jarr-ing. Cellar-ing.
Honey-Pots for poo-bear.
for an icy-cold-winter.
Or, ..play in the Kitchen.
with new Recepies...Tea?
I just want to be..so.
so...Oh!-Bee-dee-Ant.to You.
to Your Wishes At this Time.\\
.In.love.
...cuz you-R beautiful.
..cuz your Lips fill sweetness.
..you-R Hair Fair and lovely.
..your hands-R gentile kind.
I have loved.
every-thing about you.
and Still do..love thee!
.papers and papers.
......of You..are
kiss.es,for my heart...
with dreeams of what
i wood do to you.
grabbing you by the...!
...uh.!!!
.
wait...umm.
.
...?
.
.
.(.skip this part.)
--
got Pen and paper?
WTD:Write.This.Down:
i love-d your type-ing...
And i want to List-en
to you More.
I want You to B-ring my
Heart down.
I want to Want-you More.
Even if all My heart-parts
Are all-red-ee Yours.
--
(.end.)
Last Paper of scribbles:
Yes.E=very-One wants to be
pleased-with-Self...
but emotions change.
I Hate Hate and Love Love.
i need Jesu! he Makes
emotions worth while.
with reel place for them.
peace with God..is Tops.
--
(.Next.)
woo-ing woo-ing Yoo-N2-Mee.
I will Try to touch Your
Heart...Since..
Yu-Are-Let-ing-Mee.
moving my Hands care-
fully to Please Yoo.
I will Never Leave You Nor Forsake You.
.said back-words:
You FORsake,Nor You Leave,Never.Will.I.
--
mood:extreem passion-8
i did: and i do:
yes I do, eye want two
st-rrroke You and Make ewe
sorry You ever becum-ed
strong-enuff plus hard-enuff
two Mate!
stirrr-Oak-king You.
Long-enuff.
and Harrrd-enuff.
to make-U sqW-ueeeL!
-eek!.-eek.-eeeL.
like a goose get-ting
her parts..PLucked-/
Or give me a Plus
for going to hard//
say HeeeL horse-eey!.
uh...uh...,
HeeeeeeeL..uh!
buzz-buzz
drip.drip.
til.yore heart is
'Knit-ed' to Mine.
.gooey-goo-eey.sticky.slipery.
sweet and chill-ee. cold and wet
your skin on mine.
toes are touching
heels are hitting..
over and over.
Rubb-Rubb-ON cool green Mints.
Yum-ee Yum-ee Tug and Bumm-pee
Fair Hair falls upon Me.
Ride-ing Ride-ing On
the Love-Lea Waves.
--
Snow and Ice Climb-ing
Approaching Peeks.
stops for her and for him.
cold winds. then cruel rains.
mountain-Near-ing...
is the pleasure worth the Pain?
Yikes! what squeel was that?
sweet-sweats sweetly heer-ring your Peek...
IT makes Me a Man...
and a Better One for You.
--
(.hearts MEL-ting.)
move that pressure!
she knows i feel tense.
and.with-out-her..empty.
'Belly of the beast.'
so we keep our bare-backs
together...always in love.
always lock.ing. with
licks and nibbles.
this wonderful feeling
freedom: privi-ledge
lace-ed to response.ible/
(.more.)
I MATE with You.
tit-lee to my Heart.
i dreem about it. and hold-it.
without you knowing.
cuz of my deep-deep-need
to be Loved 'By' -You.
I dont real-e want to think
of touching you.
Its just a 'need' i Have...
to be a-part of somthing
'special'.and sweet.femenine.
and gorgeous///just gofer-ous
-You.-
A girl as Majic-call as the
...snow-drenched Nountain-inns...
a Bride as Beautiful as You.
a girl i want to think of...
...always.
--
I wrote..(.down.) a song.
about you...and my
feelings for you..(.skip it.)
take it off the menu.if your
not that hungry.
song starts:
(.mens-voices with a
southern-country accent.
and carasol-Waltz tune.)
You Folks From the City
Have Reely missed Out.
Your Food is so bor-ring
and Plain.
Just Come to the Mountains
and you will find out.
What adventure a Meal can
contain!
chorus:
oooh! Possum-Pot-Pie
oh possum-pot-pie.
I love every Morsal,
each Ear and Each Eye.
Yum-Yum what a Feast.
In a Puddle of Grease.!
I cant get enuff of that
Possom-Pot-pie!
--
(.next.stanza.)
A Possum is viscious when
Eaten alive.
But He's gentle and kind
when he's deaddd.
His Tail is de-licious when
battered and Fried.
And hid Brains are quit
Taste-ee on Bread! ead!
oooh! (.goto chorus.)
(last.stanza.)
Oh How It Makes My Mouth
Water to Think About
Possom-Pot-Pie..
oh possum-pot-pie.
i love every morsal
each ear and each eye.
yum-yum what a feast
in puddle of grease..
i cant get enuff of that
pozzum-pot,possum-pot,
possum-pot-pie!!!
(.end of song.)
(.more.)
I Hope You Will Let Me Hold You.
cuz you reely ARE those things.
to me.
When You Call Me to Your Side.
I reely fall in love. and i get
so nerv-ous.
But i know in my heart you dont
want to Hurt Me....i know you
do these things on me cuz you
so-much-love-me.
And You want your Man
to Take a Big-grr part in Loving
You...Making him strong and hard.
a Father to be proud of.
a boy to re-tribe.
a lion to keep un-Tamed
a brother to bout with.
a Man to test the world.
a lover to 'woo'.away.
--
all these things.
i will be to Maydns Heart.
just 'try' to be myself.
and her words will make
the other feelings cum-out.
for she is Now Mistress.
a girl turned 'heart-keeper.'
she rewards obedience
and breaks rebels with
her patience.
Men are attracted to That.
the protection she offers.'
i want that protection.
i want a girl who will make
my heart strong and health-eye.
--
(.more.)
She is a bit rruff for a woman.
Tribe-al...kNot-tea...moo-dee..
dis-content....wanting growth.
all tipical for a pioneer-girl.
Maybe she just Needs me to be
Hand-some to her. let her...
.breeth kisses into my Hands..
Maybe i can Make your heart
beat-faster.! Maybe you will
show me How...soon.
Maybe i must Spank You and
love-you on both-ends//
when you have bin good and
when you have gain-ed
new-growth on one of your
heart-parts.
I can celebrate your smaller
vicktories buy pulling your
tungue into my mouth and
Hurt-ting you deeply with
somthing you need...reward.!
a mans true love for you.
--
when Hump-ing and Thump-ing
gets almost To pleasing...
I can slow-down and tell you
agin how beautiful you are.
and How badly a Man loves
your eues and your Jeart.
cuz you are so pure to look at.
so sweet to the taste.
so worthy of ALL that this Man
can open to you.
--
paused.
(.end of papers 8-10-08.)
--
(.next comment.)
(.next night..8-12-08)
bright egg in the sky.
i can touch it with you.
this is the fifth-moon.
2Sam.sOs.jonah.
yes my good-night-wish
is words that cum to me.
and please only-me.
but behind them is
another critter...
a heart that is saying:
maydn please love me...(.pain.)
this small inner voice says:
maydn? please! do changes.
make the words pleasing
to you...stuff you
want your Male
to say every night.
i want you to say:
o-wow that-iz. nice....
but i want it more like
THIs...(.insert.)
--
mood:informative.
this is also true for
story-time, and songs.
and what i type...
and my voice...
(.phone calls.)
example: send me tips.
tell your boy
to slow-down...Bee-calm...
buzz-buzz//
dont talk threw your nose.
use darker-tones...
use your german to
confuse and mystify me
Romanticly...
--
(.more.)
what im reeely saying is...
customize me so iAM the
hand-some guy you reely want.
modify me for you-only.
--
i guess when i do things for
-YOU-
i shood also remember you are
having the same feelings too.
and
want me to change (.teach.)
you a little...eg:RET-me!
--
i did not know i wood like you
reeding 'mountaineering' books
to me...but the effects
later were wonderful... i fell
in love with you deeper...
and all over again.
(.that hurts.)
--
as a spouse
you are spouse to gide me
my heart into good things...
yes your love hurts...
the pain can make ONE day
never end.
but i can not say no to you.
cuz the pain meenz
somthing is healing..growing.
--
if i felt no love-pain...
it wood meen the wound
is inffected.no feeling.
which leeds to diseases.
--
thanks for the practice of
loving you...please pretend
you dont see my weak-ness.
im pretty brave..till i hear
your voice...
--
and skip the parts you dont like.
i dont delete much of you cuz im
so lucky to have you.
any part of you.
--
i know i said 'i love you'
.and it hurt.
boys dont need love.
.so that phone-call was hard.
for me.
--
boys 'do' need love//
it kind-of shows...cuz...
i type endlessly to you.
--
galeeb.blogspot.com
re-tribe-ing
is nice...its nice to
love people that way.
heart-keepers of water and seeds.
(.real seeds...not hybrids.)
--
its nice...its nice to love that way.
but nobody can love me back!
till Maydn came...
i sense her love...and emotions.
she...
gives me treasures i never
ever can pay back.
its bin so fffff-good for me.
--
i like to think maydn is
reeding these words in bed
...and enjoys them...
very much....
even if they were not
designed to please you.
(.help me with that.)
still it shows a man that
likes all her heart-tugs.
god said: its not good for the man
to be alone...i will make a help(her)
that is right for him.
--
::::I Love xOx Maydn::::
--
(.more.)
sometimes i 'feel' like you
do-not love me....
so i try to remember
the things you typed.
my heart frets.doubts.etc.
and if you ever do too...
(.empty feelings.)
i just want you to know its
NOT true...Not even for
a heart-Beat...
and i love you.
only you. only always.
--xo xoo x
bery. bery. much.
you make stags and males
and even go-fers cry
berry berry hard.
cuz you are so beautiful
and skill-full and lovely.
they all want to be with you.
(.me.first.please.)
i just hope you will let me be
closer. cuz i need your affections
and lots and lots of kissis..
to keep me Re-tribe-ing.
ooh! Ret8girl i love you.
and live to life you more.
let me grow strong under
the tears of your correction.
i am afraid of the old...
'i dont care' 'i dont meen it'
attitude...i see it on many
faces today...the wild love
is gone...
everything everyday is hum-drum.
same-old same-old boring-ness.
but faithfullness is beautiful.
if i dont listen to you
just threaten me...keep me awake.
listen-ing to you...only you.
--
you get my attention
more than i know it...
--
(.next comments.)
dont read below this line.
these are scattered random thots
that reely never found time or
words... and dont belong on a
beautified girl like you....
i left this mess here cuz...
sometimes things
have meanings...just dont take it
to heart.
(.More.)
mood:impatient, but not angry.
why did you let-me hang-up
the phone so quickly?
I HATe That!
behind that phone call
is much more than
'bla.bla.bla are you available?'
talk.
hum-drum keeps people
from thinking or feeling past
the every-day norm. rat-race.
--
leeds that leed to nothing.
its all going to burn!
kept you running in circles.
and some people like that.
its my fault...
i radicaly attack 'NORM'
or i used-to! with re-tribe.
i see im slowing...bogged
down by new lies cuz the
old lies were not keeping
me-busy enuff.
to entertained to care?
you know what i meen?
everyone around me is 'busy'
so i say 'oh' maybe i shood
pretend to be busy also.
rules:
show no emotion.
do nothing unless money
is involved.
smile.
but-dont-care.
keep your
''everybody else does it.''
attutude.
--
in my heart i still say:
god this world is a mess!
help me find my place in it.
even if it be small...
my place is-big if that is
what you want for me.
to do or think.
or type.
--
(.next comment.)
mood:very happy and very hurting.
me and sister were home-schooled...
we met with other home-schoolers
feeling alone in a crowd of
people.
--
when i see what
public-schools are doing
i dont feel isolated.
i feel mind-cleaned.
but not brain-washed.
--
my bible says you shall not
allow a witch to live...
but now HARRY is in the 'required'
school curriculum on a global scale.
little girls i see today
got that look in their eye//
mommy?...i want to be a witch.
--
so i think: my god! its happening.
the seeds are planted.
the new-world-order.
the U.N.the.U.R.:united relegions.
but its o.k.
let them have their fun with earth.
the results (.History.)
is always the same:
they promise to fix things//
results: everybody gets killed.
--
(.more.)
i remember working as a homeless
person on a very wealthy menonite
farm. i found it just by wandering.
and the man just liked having me
around...he had many children.
but without any form of media...
guess who become the entertainment.
the people that come your way.
i remember giving tours to
city people of the cows pigs horses
and buggy-rides...sometime whole
families wood come. they claimed
to come to see the puppies...
but i cood see-it in their eyes.
they were looking for somthing else..
somthing i came 1,000s of miles
to find also....of corse farm-folks
dont see it. they just think
city-people are strange...
'socialy-tortured' wood be a better
word.
i remember taking them under narrow
dark path-ways where the feed was
carried to different animals...and
the huge silo for all the corn-mash.
Wow! one man said...if you add the
wood.livestock.work to build all
this...it wood be way over a million
dollars!...
...but..to a person like me who had
no use for money....those words hurt.
is that it? i said to myself...
is that why no one else in this whole
county will come here to help Run
things the way it used to be?
just me? cuz all people think in
terms of money.or illigibility.
and what if that man reely was
able to buy land... this farm...
wood he ever use it?
He still wood not have what money
cannot buy: people with the heart
to run land and waters the way
it was. life as it was/.
those old habits
effect how you use structures.
--
a fine example is yet another farm.
someone rich had bot-it// it was
an old-fasion dairy Barn and Mill.
all the parts were in place..
but the heart was gone.
these structures were built buy
people long-ago..a different life-style.
but the new owners knew nothing.
worse still the kids are in college.
which meens they got a modern-view
plenty of poker-friends and well.
lets just say that the milk and
grain will not flow from here.
cuz the heart was gone. long ago.
it wood only take one heart...
to bring it back. but modern-media
and peer-pressure keeps people
following into a social-suicide.
or what ever you want to call
todays mentality. non-local items.
they were hi-salary buisness folks
from the city. so the barns and
feed-containers were used for
storage...sports..parties...plays
and left empty most of the time.
which was good for me cuz i cood
rest in peace. or so i thot.
and i compared. and wondered at what
was reely valuable in this life.
most folks never see these options.
they stay busy. but i wander-ed.
and found more wealth than i cood use.
yet owned nothing. and owed nothing.
i just want my part in this.
--
(.next comment.other topics.)
a small book found
at summer-camp 2008:
understanding recession
and investments 1979
by E.R.C.
economic research council
hhhmmm....
frite-ning things.
About money:it has no value!
its just a paper-promise.
Robbery.control.Crime
happen between: Banker,
paper-printer. and laws.
to avoid this.. one must start
his own paper-promises...
each bill backed by a REAL-Item.
.the item was gold. but now
its nothing! ...
so evil things happen.
gold and diamonds are gotten by
destroying the earth.
its a relegion of 'scarsity'
what?
its not valuable unless its Rare?
what nonsense! ..less is less.
gold is a rock!
find me somthing useful.
edible..is valuable.
its all about greed:
you can have your farm back.
if you work for 'our' money.
and values.
real values:water.seeds.farms
shood be cared-for. not purchased.
money has no value.
the real 'Bank':
Jars Barns Root-cellars is wise.
you cant eat gold.
forget money...trade seeds!
--
start your own money.
baked by somthing!
a talent, a skill, a promise to do work.
and this shood all be kept local.
the local community money-system.
with the real-goods kept localy.
(.a community bank.)
the goal:break the power
of central-ized banking.
so they canot start man-made
recession depressions and wars.
bankers do this.
they get control of assets.
the people get worthless money.
hitoricly it happens over and over again.
its a social-control..keep you working
.while you get barely enuff to survive.
'credit' actully meens 'debt'
thats all they want for you.
this is not the american dream.
its just people who can do right...
but choose to do nothing at all.
im guilty of this attitude also.
in the end..we are are just
kids fighting over resources..
destroying them and ourselves.
till nothing is left.
--
,can i still tell maydn
i love her anyway?.
...now you see why jesu must come.
,,,to save man from himself...
like maydn often does to me...
only jesu did come...and they killed him.
now a false-jesu is coming..
the whole world will love him
all relegions will worship him...
a new version of an old problem.
compare pictures of egyptian
pharoahs with the popes.
same results: mass destruction.
all in the name of peace.
--
a few choose not to.
respect united nations.
(free-will)
remember:.god spearated nations.
so what force wood unite them?
you dont want to know.
yes, we want security...
but what do you do when the only
criminal is the one running
the security cameras?
--
why do you think the constitution
demands citicizens bare arms!
so we cood go duck-hunting?
nope...founding fathers saw the
real problem was...the government...
socialism: the state becomes the
all powerful provider.
no independent farmers.
people become numbers.
better known as a democracy.
which always become dictatorships.
we plunder other nations. with'our debts.
falsified education welfare health etc.
to dictate everything about you.
its not welfare. its not independence.
its getting you hooked on free stuff
so you wont fend for yourself.
why fend? when gov can do it all.
people become state-property
(.controled by debts.)
--no end--
(.next comment.)
(.one our later.)
its burning outside in the garden.
everything smells like hot popcorn.
Or is it just me?
im back here typing cuz
it finaly dawned on me:
i can tell you anything i want.!
o.k.. so i will.
--
Bunyans Pilgrims Progress...
is a famous-famous book of
early christian-fiction.
it left deep-impressions on
the young Benjamin-Franklin
which reflects much in
his later-writings//
this makes me wonder just
what Harry Potter is doing
to kids today...yes..
its just fiction...but!
(.more.)
Franklin was smart...He
collected sayings and just
added new spark and wit
to them....which made his
small publications famous.
why make your own...when
great things have already
bin written...was his theme.
and this agrees with the
say-ing i made for myself:
'dont read books about
great Men...Read the books
that great Men red.'
--
(.other topic.)
doctrine of sexual-calling.??
Lust and Love are always.
Lust wood be my fantasy-girls
which cannot love me back.
Love wood be a Real girl.
that loves me by choice.
Lust lost so much value
that i removed femn1207
to let maydn have me more.
my need to love her
ment loving someone
outside myself.
so my ideas of the
ten-commandments
totaly-changed.
Once dry.and humor-less.
(.god must hate fun.)
i looked again...
wait...
these ten commands are important.
to me.
i dont want someone to 'steel'
from maydn..
i dont want her life
wrecked by adultery...
god wrote these words with
his own finger. He Wants the
best for us...for hearts.
to have and use the world.
what good is the gift ? of life
without the instruction-manuel.
(.the Bible.)
and to see governments taking
the ten commands away from
thier court-rooms. (.heart-rooms.)
to separate church and state
is very scary.
it meens loving your naybor
as yourself///is not required.
.probly cuz judges themselves
have other intentions.
laws are geared now for anarchy.
with loss of life and property
as the goal...making laws that
protect the crime.
U.N. re-inforces its mandates:
'Re-distribution of common goods.'
(.watch the wording.)
...better known as communism.
..is a global event,
if your naybor has need.
he has rite to take it.
if sqwatters want to
live in your house...they can.
cops cant stop them.
these new rules are making men
fall into despair. see what its
doing to the economy in Germany as
of 2004. and you will see what
Your Area will soon be like.
crime will be legalized.
you will soon see what
the-new-world-order is all about.
bringing people back to surfism.
and the dark-ages where popes rule.
and peoples own nothing.
--
(.topic change: sex sex sex.)
words:squirt-gun.me-like.
rigid..hand-l it. huge.
center-palm, mans-life.etc
messages you sent.
i so adore them...
once i figure them out.
(wow:endless orgasm.)
what male wood 'not' be
pulled to you instantly
for typing that.
im deeply impressed.but.
i dont think i responsed well.
not as you expect.
and.i want to so bad.
--
yes satan wants men to twist
pervert and change what god
ment for sex and rules.
(.remember that God Made It.)
when i look at maydn.
all i see is a beautiful girl.
not somthing i can have.(bed)
so i skip to somthing more
important:
i look right into her heart
and try to see her in myself....
the screems she cant say.
the dreams we both want.
(.i hope this one gets to you.)
--
i put my hands on my sholders
and across my chest
and try to feel what she feels
about this world.
hurting deeply about her when
she is not looking. it makes me
think tbe strangest things///
till i begin to say to myself:
wow! maydn is wonderful...!
i wish i knew the lioness
the mother the girl the sister.
the heart-parts inside her. better.
--
i will try for 'the-girl'
cuz like 'the-boy' in me...
it is the heart-part i am
most happy with...
i believe i wood love to know
her 'girl' better...or make one
for her if she feels she grew-up
to fast and it was neglected.
being 'girl'is not popular.
todays perverted schools
force lioness-thinking on
ten-eleven year-olds all in the name'
of sex-education...
--
i want to get angry but...
my heart is not
a place for anger.
maydn makes me jealous
somtimes...
but thats a good thing...
if its used right.
--
so now i got a
crush on maydn so bad
i go looking for
girl-stuff for her.
and i find this book:
Beautiful Women.
a christian approach
to beauty.
on the cover is
a picture of the
Mono-Lisa..
(.famous old-painting.)
with her strange smile.
and a cartoon bubble
showing what she
is thinking...
it says: does this
dress make me look fat?
--
those 'worries' make me laff.
but im here for maydn...
i want to 'know what girls
hurt for and about and
possible answers and lots of stuff
i normaly wood never think about...
except this girl maydn is gripping
my heart so painfully.
i just want to know more aboyt her.
maybe i shood just ask her.
--
the book tells of T.V. media music
and all-sort things girls
shood have no-part of...
but the author wants to be
using words girls can
relate to Today...
even if its not right.
--
To amish i doubt the book
wood make much sense...
amish are
very good heart-keepers.
not time-waste-ers.
but if maydn can love me.
than i can put-up with
this strange book.
and maybe pick-out some
treasures in it.
like she does when she
reads my posts.
--
yes its scare-eey
to see all the things
girls are playing with.
but when you find out why...
your heart will break.
--
example: barbee dolls.
to a guy...its just a toy. right?
not in the hands of a young girl.
objects placed in your hands at
a young age leeves deep impressions.
she says: i want to be beautiful
like barbie.
but she never says: i want to be a
bio-logical-imposibility like this
anarexic distorted mal-nurished image
im holding in my hand.
--
but what happens when she becomes
a teen-ager? she wont eat. it mite make
her fat. her mind is ruined by propaganda.
not to mention the helpless feelings
the mother may have, fits, anger, words...
all go into that little girl like a
tape-recorder. its horrible.
i now see this.
--
now add movies and
witches to pop-culture and i
can predict no survivers.
childhood is lost.
May god destroy this nation soon.
for the childrens sake.
--
any way...
the book goes on with
a dedication: to my girls!
and then the intro.
it then shows how 'beautiful'
is always changing.
so you shood focus on
inner-beauty.
not what people say.
the book gives four 'styles'
so 'beautiful' depends on
the style you prefer.
styles:Elegant.Active.Feminine.Colorful.
a question-answer section
helps you find what style
you mostly tend toward
and then you jump to
the part of the book
where beautiful
descriptions of bible-women
are given and recommended
steps to help compliment
your style yet more.
its a nice book. for
a curious heart like mine.
i even took the test...
it said i was 'feminine'.
in preference not appearance i hope.
and active.(out-doorish)
and colorful.(bold)
but not elegant.(.fancy.)
just plain and primitive.
is this the kind of girl
i shood find?
do opposites attract?
dont tell me i will
get stuck with an elegant-snob
who wants lots of class
with no content.
god be merciful.
--
the book ends with the
'putting it all together' section.
where you get to pick your wordrobe.
for your body-type.and style.
--
if these things are
important to a woman...
i guess im glad to see it now.
im going to ask maydn
to correct the book.
but deep inside...i think maydn
relly wants to be beautiful...
inside and out...to herself and to
my eye-zzz...
then why does she read my posts?
there is nothing beautiful about that.
did this book leeve-out somthing
girls like-need-want
and long-to-have?
i think the focus of the book was
more girl-sister. not lioness-mother.
and mayden may be wanting me for all four.
i love her for that.
with kisses and stroking
up and down her goose-honky
neck-feathers.
-no end-
other books i read cuz of her:
the 'husband' book:
understanding a womans moods..
orgasm,menstration,pregnancy.
next book:
sayings-of benjamin franklin\marriage.
you cant trust women and naybors.
the other book:
...a 1979 novel of a girl
who grew-up a nazi..in conditions very
sim to what america is today.
it tells of her long-ings and what to
expect in a culture that teaches
evolution, hatred, and results of war.
did you know evolution is the foundation
for marxism,communism,nazi-izm.
survival-of-the-fittest races.
and the new-world-order.
japan said they were the master-race.
cuz they had less body-hair...which
prooved they were further evolved from
the apes than we were....yep.whatever.
back to the book:
in the end she invites jesu-god to be
her best friend in such hard times
living in a...
'No one-cares so why shood i'
culture.
book title: HANSI
daughter of the swastika
-no end-
--
(.next comment.new topic.)
im done.
i just dont internet anymore.
i did all i cood. i got enuff
survival-nfo now to last 4ever.
i dont want the future of internet.
dont forget:....web meens trap.
im so lucky to have met maydn.
she tracked me all this time.
she true-lee loves...my notes.
and that tickles me.
to love her. and my notes more.
like re-tribe-ing. and why.
--
i still internet just for her.
but i hope it stops soon.
actualy it never stops...
me and her know that.
saying goodbye or goodnight.
does not meen any-thing.
cuz when i close my eyes...
she is still there.
.
i love her.
--
(.next.comment.)
(.day four.8-13-08)
my close incounter with maydn
last night left me with all soort
strange feelings...
not strange...just wonder.
--
i call it ; boy-food.
cuz im still trying to describe
what it felt like to be with her.
it was not at all like last week.
last week:
the-lion was constantly adding
words and trying to stick his
tale into everything.
thats o.k. i just wanted my
heart-parts to talk to her.
she said the next week that
it was scare-ee for her.
oR maybe
just the possom-pot-pie was.
so this week i took it off the
Men-u.
--
this week was even more
fantastic, the
Queen walked into the court...
and of corse all heart-parts
get excited with her words.
the-boy and the-brother.
they both were sitting at her
feet listening with much joy.
to her montain-eer stories.
--
later we red a GRIMM tale.
an adventure with gile + st.peter.
gile is always trying to get rich.
(.old tales have secret meenings.)
later me and maydn went to
the Root-Cellar to learn More.
real treasure...is knowing foods.
i took maydn back to the Honey-house
at okokok.com cuz she was feeling
tired and so was eye.
The fifth moon was bright
so we cood see our way
back along the trail...
we made ourselves a
good-nite-wish, she wanted to say
it to me...but i said it to her:
i just want to say -- good-night
good-nite my Love. with arms around
your heart, Sweet dreams to a very
Very beautiful...goose-brain.
--
i was also careful to slip a note
into her pocket which i hope she
will find later.
it sort of says how important she
is and what is reely important in
this life.... it said:
i want to be a good Heart-keeper,
i want to keep the Love-lites...
burning Brite...dated:8-8-08
--
i hope next week she will tell me
how she liked it...
it was beautiful for me.
.
.
the next day however i became
very critical...
mostly cuz the good-nite wish had
bin changed.
the lion-parts were taken out.
she always prepares a meal for
My inner-lion.
but this time she walked
rite past the-lion and gave a
great big plate to the boy.
much to his surprise.
the-lion became very jealous.
the-boy was getting...
-ALL-thee attention.
--
i started having bad
thots...
like these:::::
--(.bad thots begin.)--
hmmmm? thats not fair!
the Queen is stik-ing her
finger rite into the heart-part
that REsisTs her the most:
the-boy.
from her mouth: mountain-eering.
the-boy listen-ed.
he connected the words quickly.
and loved each part.
wow!
she was talking his language.
--
this is very evil. i thot.
the Queen is just playing with
your hearT...shes trying to
destroy it.
the-boy didnt even notice.
this.
--
you 'gave' your heart
to this Queen.?
yes cuz she said...
'Will You Be Mine'
and you said:
YES.
--
if she wants to destroy
a Mans Heart... thats Her Joy.
you dont got say.
and...
its-Your-Fault deudam'...
every-time she says or does
somthing beutiful to a Man...
feelings gush out of you...
you tell her more about
a Mans Heart...and where
all the parts ARE.
so...
if she wants to pin the-boy
down and do somthing bad to
him...you shood have thot
about that before now.
always list possibilities.
--(.end of bad thots.)--
the other possibility is that
she loves you.
and wants to give food to
your other heart-parts.
--
the-girl in her
likes mountains.
just like the-boy.
is there somthing wrong
with that?
note:
the-lion likes mountains too.
the yum-yum kind.
--
you just dont trust people.
time and experience makes
you so. so..so.
--
dont be that way to her.
let her come close.
she wants to love.
and you need to.too.
This is scare-ee for me.
But you are scare-ee to her.
she doesnot want to HURT
the-Lion. He needs to rest
and dosnot know it..(Hyper)
and 'no' she did not forget
the-lion.
on her way out the Queen
wispered somthing
into the-lions ears.
somthing about Nibbles and
Licks.
ouch! wow! that kept him
a happy kitten all night.
thump.thump.thump.
--
(.more.)
do-not make the Queen upset.
try to feel her Moods...
Moods dont need to make sense.'
--
Just believe that she WILL
be the best thing you ever had.
SHE will be herself:
all-girl.
all-maydn.
all-Queen.
all-Woman.
all-Lioness.
all-sister.
to you.
believe that.
--
when i saw this document
eff-8-08.txt
wood never end...
and my passions for her
only grow deeper...
stronger..HUGE!
i paused...
for it was
love:with...
-no end-
She called to him,
"I have put all I can into this. I have shown you my power and revealed to you my scars. At this, I wait for a decision of acceptance. This pedistal is nothing for me except for another place to sit quietly and wait. If I might speak with glorious silence I will hold you deer and breathe love into your voice. My fingers chill your heated skin. When my magic is not; so the moon and stars are just where they need to be.
I went to the village today to find reminence of my fellow man, my friend, and my heart. WOW, I found gold instead. Get rid of it. I do not need this!
The cold shock is beginning to leave her body. She is familiar with the sharks in these waters and her understanding is drowning. Deeper and deeper as each night RETurns. At this depth there is nothing to say...only wonder and amazement and soon peace.
Boldly enough though, the girl holds her breath and begs for life to finish the stories that atleast had some promise.
I know! I will send him a letter that he cannot RETurn. He will find it boring and useless and will surely toss it to the wind. He will again say love words and watch as it slips away.
He said to never believe for a moment that he does not love me.
I believe that.
Except, I need him.
It seems, I need him more than Heaven above. You see, Heaven is there and I am here. And I don't want see a way to Heaven without him.
These ideas and mindfull stories had become comforting to her troubled soul and soothing to her worried mind.
Where else should a person want to be? In the arms of evil bliss. She does not believe in evil and she will not believe that his loving arms R impossible.
Yet he lets her go with no word of good bye or a loving mention on how to improve a woman's soul that she might be valuable to man and his glory.
yikes!
this isnt related...
to the above.
im just here...now:
and will deal with the above...
personaly...
poo-1108.txt - - - - v11-19-08
Hi.M-y-n!
just came to get my fe-mail.
-
sites that meen alot'
these last four-moons:
www.amazingdiscoveries.org
www.solvefamilyproblems.com
www.drdino.com
www.barbourbooks.com
-
looking for Jars for You.
promise - Jars.
-
you mentioned 'absoulutes.'
death and taxes.
but you forgot one:
God's Promises.
-
an absolute necessity.
-
and at the thrift store.
i found a related Jar:
Moms 'be an angel'
Jar of good-deeds.
its the golden-Rule.
said one-hundred ways...
each card has a way
you can dew it to
someone today...
eg.share a giggle.
eg.give the gift of 'listening.'
eg.a scripture verse and how2.
-
(.more.)
eye also found two
pocket-books of promises.
both by barbourbooks.com
-
the one for preschoolers
was amazing.
-
eye was looking for somthing
that kind of fits your needs.
the 'you' inside of you.
the gift that fits the maydn.
-
(.more.)
did you get my
'i hate you' letter.
yet?
it was sposed to be
a picture of you...
but it looks more like
a duck...
eye gave up.
eye put a lion with it.
eye tried to draw your...
beautiful featurers
again...
..scribble scribble..
but it looked more like
a pig-ee...
...eye gave up.
-
...im no good at this.
-
...we both got dreems to write.
you got them....eye got them.
lets keep try-ing to color
those instead.
-
may-bee//
together...???
on some parts.
-
-no end-
...x
...xx
...x..ox
.
.
.
.
.
our good-night wush:(update)
i want to say good night,
good night my love.
with My arms around Your
He-art.
and feathers everywhere,
with gofer-nibbles at your toes-es,
and deer-licks on your nose-es.
Sweet-Dreams To a Very...
very...
Love-lee...Mate.
-x-
-o-oh!-
-
love1208.txt - - - - v12-9-08 mental-flashes of maydn.
(.next comment.)
(.too-dazed later:)
hmm.? --> here is the
start of a...
love-letter:
eye have never put words
in your mouth before?
but the parts 'she' says
about 'me'...is true.
she says to him:
come here!
be-you-tah-ful goose!
eye accept you.
eye favour you.
may my deeds.
tell you.
over and over.
eye love you.
(.burp.)
--
For i have noted...
The More Yor Heart
Trembles With Passion
At my beauty...
the more 'Romantic'
Your ex-pressions
dew-becum.
--
(.sigh.)
sending-me.
heart-Throbeeeings.
so in-tense.
my =beauty= grows.
on you...
making it even
more difficult for
yor Trembles and passions
to cease.
...causing you new pain!
well? ...to bad..!
...squeel little gofer.
...squeeel for all your worth.
shreeek! like a gofer
trapped in a gofer-trap!
...eye have cawt you!
no more cold.
no more self-ish
nites alone.
only warm moments
with me at home.
doomed to cuddles and kissis
and living short of breath
in passions for the smelly gofer
.you mated with...
all these eye will do to you.
..as you have done them!
... to me.
(.end of tale.)
(.end of putting words in your
...mouth..) (.many kissis.)
thankyou.
(.one more kiss.)
(.to make you tingle.)
uhhh..um.
please note: this 'tale'
came from thots at night.
very hard to catch!
of-when you lovingly
spoke of your mans
funny-fobia with gofers.
--
(.next.)
(.simialar scribbles:)
(.sigh.)
after opening my package
she was very emotional.
you must never get-like
that befor calling me...!
between the snifflez.
and the'sob's. she said
words eye now
wear with pride:
::::you meen alot to me,
just know that.::::
(.sigh.)
those words of hers have
kept me from trouble..
..........alot!.
--
eye too! want to say:
::::you meen alot to me,
just know that.::::
(.sigh.)
(.emo-poem.)
gofer-girl
berry-girl
garden-girl
...........
sister and mate?
friend and mother?
queen and bride.
...........
How? can One little
'MISSY.'
meen so much to me?
bee so beautiful to me?
inn 'so' many ways!
the loveR-ly creature
who comes to me in my night.
steps on my nut. and says:
squeel little heart.
squeel just for me!
--
(.more.)
what are the results?
a heart that loves her.
thinks every way
to pleez her.
'flick' her nerves.
meet her 'needs'.
do it with passion!
--
ideas.methods:
use questions.not accusations.
keep it simple so she can add.
reverse gender if it fits.
make it more 'graphic'
(.small-thots need big-words.)
- -
capture a romantic-thot by
its 'parts' before getting-up.
say words that help you
remember the 'parts'
else when the light comes on.
eye forget what eye dreamed.!
--
dear maydn.
its nice to 'have' you.
and these feelings for you.
eye-treasure-them.
and eye post them.
it almost seems like a command
that a woman shood be loved
...'by' her man.
but i do it cuz
you make my heart
go '-BOOM-'.
...nothing less.
and it help guys know
what to look for.
when eye go '-BOOM-'
and eye get to paint it!
cuz i know all about it
every time your lovey
squishy mooshy letters come.
(.major ouch-eey.)
'-BOOM-BOOM-'
-heart out of order-
-Road closed for repairs-
-no u-turns-
(sigh.)
(.end of comment.)
(.day two.)
strange thots are 'ringing'
on to paper. off the paper
on screen. off screen.
on you.maydn.in much love.
by 'keeping it simple'
the reader is free to add
detail and gender as fits.
At Last! eye can write
somthing meaningful to
my mate...
listen to her!
x-amples of what
'beautiful' is..
if-it-is.to-her!
this has always haunted me.
eye write somthing gorgeous.
but wonder...
wood this be gorg.to her??
Maydn sees my struggle and
my tears. she likez me4me.
but also when eye
try to pleez-her.
her-way.
she wants a 'relation=ship'
to sail and find out what...
a ship meenz...to a woman.
...hmm? ??
me and you in a...
ship=stick-ing=lifestyle.
depends 'how' and where you
get your .water and seeds.
(.think think think!.)
creation needs creator.
picture needs painter.
(.end of that thot.)
- - - -
(.next thots.)
Lust? dreamee? a-Crush-?
Fond-Of-You?
Can your-Male 'please' take
pictures of what is flashing
in his mind when he thinks
of Me?
what does it Look like?
What does he See?
what is He trying to catch?
the secrets of his own-heart.
on paper.
Why does he do it just for me?
(reversing gender and reading
this message to myself is shocking!)
What ''Thots of Me''cood possibly
be..swoosh-ing! around when HE
whrites the words 'Boing' and
'Burp'..and 'Beautiful'.
(.Next.)
When Eye deudam sleep and think
of her, the first thing i seem
to see:is her smile-ing! face.
...i feel 'acceptance'.
(.the deep kind.)
...with that gate passed...
I go on to her Body...
eye see a Woman in a pretty
dress! (.blinds-me.)
...with that gate passed...
i either go to lusting and
King-Lion thots...Or eye go
to father.brother.thots.
(.next paper.)
No matter what thots it is..
always a 'throbbing' question
is humming inside:
::What can i do to please her::
::What can i do to please her::
::What can i do to please her::
(.she twists and turns for me!)
If eye 'Let' her she turns my
attention to talents help-full
to making a House...a Home.
be practicle.
- -
but inside me...the words
::What can i do to please her::
Turn Very dufferent Turns.!
like this:
- -
eye keep seeing a beautiful
girl playing OR doing some..
things in the Garden.
she bends she twitches...
she makes my heart
throb-just-one-thot:
::What can i do to please her::
- -
Hmm...you know what?
it must take a stead-dee and
a beautiful Heart-Beat for
Her to be 'Able' to RUN and
'Jump' and climb.and plant.
and throw her Hair like that.
- -
How...can eye 'Give-Her' a
steady and a beautiful...
Heart-Beat..
-?-
- -
possibilities:
Tell Her eye Love Her.
eye Favor HER.
Make Sure she has water.
so her pretty-parts can
grow and so her pettals
and colors dont fall OFF!
-v-
Make sure She has Seeds
to make her Heart Strong.
- -
Give Her a Relation-ship
(gifts and treasures
come from the Maker.)
I think she listed fun
things to do to her...
which included everything!
under the sun!. (.yikes!.)
- -
i Try to remember She is
sister.mate.and.brat.
but Most of the Time eye
get stuk with the Huge
job of 'appeasing' Her
as Queen. (.fffff.)
- -
THis includes sending messages
of what eye think,what eye like,
what eye do,until she has a good
idea of what this guy is made of.
- -
eye love reporting to her...
she holds MUCH wayt in all my
decisions...
for she is NEXT in command.
- -
the words...
::What can i do to please her::
sometimes leeds me to places
eye never dreamed of, nor knew.
existed!
songs.sites.prayers.praises.
eats!.skills.talents.loves.
scriptures.dreams.duties.
all has meening...
when love opens hearts.
and minds.
- -
(.end of thots.)
(.next commet.)
A New day dawns new thots!
of...
::What can i do to please her::
Right now: capturing my Most
intimate 'what eye think of her'
on-to paper...is my only goal.
- -
(.next paper.)
She says ''I want you
to myself alone''
''not to 'Own', but for
myself...alone.''
and..'Will You Be Mine'
(.sigh.)
i must have bin dreaming!
Only a queen.can speak
and get what she wants.
meeening: He fell to His
knees instantly and gave
her what she wanted.
- -
Sometimes eye think its...
Not Her...but God.
'using her' to get what
he wanted...done.
somthing very important.
done.
- -
Example: certain words
she says...after she has
spoken them..are never
forgotten....my hearrt
obeys and never goes
back.
- -
Write Down even to my
imaginations...i obey her
words. Even when i want
to Lust! it must be HER
body...and Hers Only.
(.i hope that changes.)
but so far her word has
bin eM-passible. Im stuck
in a 'One-woman-fantasy'.
Her words reely-do-work
on me...like a queen...
and it hurts...
cant she re-verse it?
or say somthing to un-do it?
can you still talk me out
of loving you?
(.grrr...)
You are...
One-Meen-Queen.
Her beauty is 'captivating'
Her word is 'binding'
i wish she 'wood' be more
care-full with her lips...
BUT SHE HAS!..she only
does what she needs too...
in the name of love.
- -
so im stuck.(prison)
in a 'One-Woman-relation'
waiting for mercy.
splurting and gushing
and hurting with passions
for her and her only.
...it seems whatever
me and her do in Real Life.
my sex-life also wants to
imitate...the 'joy' of just
'Having' HER....(.sigh.)
and it makes me way-too
'Fur-tile.'
Bed-time seems more like
a wonder-land....eye must
go outside and work...
just to get away from all
the excitement.
ugh!...she woo'z and win'z
- -
th-boys face is turning...
BEAT-REd....
..i better stop this..
...I want to be a father..
not a Husband.
.hmmm...Me and th-boy are
alred-ee planning our next
escape-route to get-away
from Her.
- -
But Love Is Nice.
our fellowship together
peels my heart-open like
petals on a Rose.
hmm...hmm..nice...
cuz she then puts her noze
in it and adds the sweet
fragrance that
everyone-knowz-iz-a-roze
sssnif! fffff! ahhh!
- -
The Queen is 'Awed' by what
She has done. and bends Her
beauty over the new flower.
to press her 'Lips'.
...to the rose.
- -
'GiM-Mie That!' shreeks th-boy.
and snatches the rose from
her hand before she can kiss
and seal its fate.
- -
He Runs off with it
heading for the protection
of the Leafy=Woods.
He pauses only for a moment
to catch his breath and to look
afar away back at the Queen
waiting patiently for her Lover
to Return to her.
'He will be back' she wispers.
'eye kissed him'. she smiles.
no matter how far He flys
for me...he will always...
fly back soon. to warm his
'feathers' in my hand.
For eye have his Heart.
eye hold it like a little-bird.
and keep it warm and safe.
under my skirts.
pressed against my own.
- -
and i keep my cold foot
is on his warm nut.
and nothing can 'break'
the attraction 'that' holds
on my mate.
- -
THO We BE Lands Apart...
we can still be One Heart.
-
-no end-
out of order?
im learning from...
www.solvefamilyproblems.com
that... 'Any'
form of affection that...
canot-b-shared with parents
and family and friends...
is a form that only belongs
within the marriage circle.
iAm... to save my body
and emotions for ONE only.
so forgive me Maydn...um.?
but it is 'so' late-in-life
for me.. that...um.
eye must begin...xox
pouring-out my emotions to-YOU.
and bee
(.'responsive to your affections'.)
even tho it is...forbidden.
this is 'my' choice.
a real treasure.
and i choose to lay it.
down for you...in love.
seeking 'YOUR' affections too.
if the old lion can still
surround you with his purring.
and please you with his RoaRrr!.
--
trusting god to use it.
cuz no one knows 'How'
'late in life' it relly
is... for any of us.
--?-
wood you?
will eye ever...?
::::Remember a day::::
that i began giving.
my emotions.
to someone special.
i want that!
streem-8 shows me...
who she is.
who to obey.
who to give
'deep' emotions2.
(.the Reader wood too!)
she is 'very' beautiful!
(.see her writings.)
she wants a strong man...
she makes one!.
she ties her-heart around him.
maybe not understanding why.
except that...
it makes him stronger.
it gives him a fuller life.
it makes a better picture.
it adds more story.
it adds a wife.
--
out of order?
--
--
(.sigh.)
things i done2you...
you have done2Me.
-no end-
-
(.next comment.)
(.Day-Three.)
rag-sun: th-father
and th-boy have
proposed for you
a-test:
take rags and
knot them into
a pleasnt gown.
basic-ly a sheet
2X8 feet with a hole
at center for head.
and kept in place
with a belt.
you are to wear this
for three days.
friday-night until
sunday-night.
as a silent protest and
'declaration of
independence' from
non-local materials
name-brands
store-bowt-goods.
or at leest...
freedom from the 'Norm'.
...
for indoor-use only.
public-use if your
skill has surprised you.
and has stayed
within modesty.
...
after the inital
emotions of silly-ness.
the truth will begin
to take effect.
eye myself will do=so
and i hope you will
hold me to-it!
...
no pictures will be
sent. there are
plenty of sites and
ree-enactors that
wood love the feeed.
in this time of need.
www.urbanscout.org ?
...
(.next comment.)
Im getting old.
i cannot keep up!
body needs help!
purging daily-toxins.
ive decided to commit
to a body-cleansing
treatment at every
solctice:dec21+jun21.
this is basic-ly a
two-week fast on
fruit-juice + greens.
8oz + 8oz per meal.
for ten days folloed
by four that re-turn
you to 'Norm' slowly.
water is always welcome.
chewing-gum between
meels helps clean
the insides faster.
give your body a rest.
...
(.next comment.)
the birds your hear
at story-time:
the yellow Male is
always singing to
the quiet white Girl.
rite now He is kissing
her toes...
and im getting very
embarrased at all
the things eye see about
myself when i watch him.
--
(.sigh.)
i want to say:good-night.
good-night my-love.
with warm feathers
around your heart.(scars)
and gofer licks on your
toes.
and deer-lick-eez on your
nose.
and gentle combing
of your hair.(words)
and berry-juice kisses
every-where.
........
i want to...
'tweet' sWeet-Dreemz
to a very Very lovely
friend and princess.
xoxo
LNLN
his heart trusts her.
his eyes adore her.
his mouth praises her.
his hands hold her.
i think...he loves her.
-
-
-
My Queen.
My Queen. !
Every time eye say
My Queen!
THe Earth Shakes!
-
i owe alot to this girl.
she has answered all
my questions...
I saw Heaven And EArth
pass-away...
i want to dedicate
this to Her.
the emotional-seal
she has placed.
The JEwel of my Heart.
the end of a boys search.
i wanted to know.
and she told me...
Everything.
-
when ever i doubt direction.
All i need say is the word:
My Queen.
-
these next few posts are
to keep me in-tune to her.
to a heart eye hold.
to a world she told.
to the love unfold.
i want this all posted cuz
its My Queen.
-
-
and eye love her so!
-
what eye know of woman
what eye know of love
what eye have in war
is a strong record of her.
my heart-beats wild!
and only cuz her 'passions'
keep me going.
she must be careful now.
when her heart throbs.
mine does too.
(.dependent on you.)
-
passions keep
hearts-beating...
-
and eye will ever-hold
what you have done to me.
-
...My Queen. (.joy.)
-
-
IT is Huge. Enormous. Guy-normous, Stupendous. Need I say more? You know what IM talking about. If you don't, please ask. I can add more... finess if need be.
Call me! Ms. Bias but I adore your Sight. What we have here is genious and IM all aboot "gen-ious".
You R in trouble tho. You know that...right? YouR not going to like what I have to say or what IM going to do too...YouR gonna LOVE it. Thats All there is to it.
SO if we get bored or insecure, change it. Strip...
off the layers until we like it again and then we love it. We Make love.
Easy...
Call me whatever You want just don't call me late for breakfast. I Heart Breakfast.
NOW You know.
U tell me... I May either fuck You fantastic or Make Love to You until you die. YouR CHOICE.
Reminiscent of pumps-clothed or pumps-nude. ??
Posted 3/12/2008 10:52 PM hip_gnostic block delete
love the boys.
let them know they count.
-
20min left? 10min? 2min!
write well, my deer-sister.
-
Sent 4/2/2008 8:27 PM deuda_m block delete Many nights I have tried to do whatever I could to get you off of my mind. Every damn morning I wake up thinking about you. YOU! do you hear that?
This has been too real for me for way too long. My body confuses me into hurting because you are not here next to me...or me there. It really hurts. And there is nothing I can do about it...denial works temporarily...for a few years maybe...then bam! it hits me all over again...and I'm all giddied up about You again. And it keeps getting worse. Especially now that I know I love you for everything that you are and....you me. oh wow! oh God! when I think about that I want to passout. I know what you speak of when you say "knit". I would love to find out what that is about with you. Fascinating...aint it?
I want you to be happy and if this makes you happy and feel safe then this is what I need to do.
Understand, I am not so happy about virtual-love. I love connecting with you on this level. I guess I really Love being able to say whatever I really feel and get an opportunity to write something heart-felt, rather than settle for whatever jumble of words I can manage to get out of my swollen mouth. You do that to me. (you will find out later how much and why) You have the advantage of mystery however. I have been pretty wide open for some time now. I find it unfair. My advantage would be my ablity to put thought into action.
I want to show you. I want to use my hands and make this idea about you physical into Life. It is a rather uncontrollable desire. I have confidence in my hands.
So... planning is great! And your techniques I think will compliment mine. But I'm not sure why I don't trust myself with you. This is so overwhelming. I am a quite simple person. Less talk, More action.
I need to get some stuff typed out to you. Things just keeps cumming...everyday...every day. I have a difficult time keeping up. what between survival and thrival... I listened to someone speak the other day about that gut feeling that one can get about something...it makes you take a deep deep breath and adds tremendous motivation to seemingly ordinary things...well...then he went on to speak about instinct and capacities for love.
How important it is to Love with all that we have. How we are supposed to recognize that feeling and say "oh God, GIVE ME THAT!" and everything else works itself out. I want to love you...whatever that means for us...with ALL that I can give, All that I have, All that this mysterious heart is made up of. You show me that you love me. By wooffing me and harvesting me local. I LOVE that!
You know what? I want more from you though, I don't know why. I know you want to see-read something from me too that I may not be showing. A lifetime could probably not be long enough to get to KNOW eachother...ALL the parts of eachother. I think that is what makes having GOOD relationships fun and alive.
Sow that is what I do...I go slowly and patiently and get to know you. You are a dream. Every time I take another look into you I sea something else that I wished for. I believe in customed-partnerships.<
OK, now I have to put my clothes back on and go be late for work. You do me Good, very very Good. please know that. You please me in soooo many ways it is hard to speak about it. I want to put my hand in yours, look into your eyes, and show you how much. That is all I can say right now.
I hope I do not confuse you with my native tongue...it is difficult to balance simplicity with spirit. Such is life.
I love you...more...and again...
-- oooooo o o o o OX
Posted 3/27/2008 10:42 A
@deuda_m -
Oh you are simply gorgeous! Magnificently gorgeous! you like to hear-t - t-hat. i am sure.
before i furget cause its late and i'm in the country and get distracted easily.. oh look an owl... and i've been hitting the sauce. (honestly)
I was born and bred to build what you have shown me. picture - no picture, boy-who-is-a-friend or no-boy-who-is-a-friend.
I can make those drapes too. The glass-pane....now, that I'd have to technique. # or block glass. Light is always more important and FEELz better than clarity. (
O Mr. Bee, what the hell kind of glorious past life did I give to deserve you?
(now that is a sentence!)
buzz buzz <#o
I tried to say..."Oh I don't know what I am going to do with you"...but you know what? By now, I have a pretty decent idea of what I am going to do with you. The ono(non)-italcs type slipped out. oooops
This day is a good day, a very good day.
My blood brother dies yesterday-2 yaers ago.
For you. to call me sister is an honor.
I became an Apache in 1999...really... the women accept me. I am proud of that.
Maybe that may--help you understand me some.more.
If you dare. My spirit is wild and honest maybe that is where I earn their respect.
I ve always felt a reverence for wild and open and vow to preserve that in myself and ALL the spirit world.
As Always,
The strange little white girl who talks too big and too soft, knows too much, carries a big stick, who's daddy carries an even bigger stick, who knows and loves the ways of natural living, with respect and genuine curiosity...
ps.
I like the idea of chronicl-ing this "love-stuff", it is important. for so many... my only wish is to make it better than what was shown to me. I think I can do that. I think We might have something here...
I am sorry for the way that I am, I can't go back. Once you know, then you know...and I know... You.
I can feel You. I wish you can understand that. It's like this air-irie that something has after it's been near you. A word/ a type written word, has an air-irie after you've typed it.
So what's up with quatum-computers??? I get 60 percent of you...at best.
Oh God how I like-love biology so much better!
Your chemistry feels sooo much better. 100% better
--evry beat of my heart...
--until I feel you again...
--lets see, what other yucky, lovey, squishy stuff can I cum up with?
--
3/26/2008
Posted 3/26/2008 11:48 PM hip_gnostic block delete im getting kinda exited about this new streem of yours
better that strreem-8?
i like it here. i feel...free-er.
to be me...
but need two days...
i hurt for my sister and friend.
you dont like to be called that.
but there are many things you are to me...
and im trying to excercise (feed) them...
cuz you get plenty feed for lions.
aredy and dont get nothing for the
other heart-parts you are and have.
my girl starves and it gives me teers.
modern culture has forgotten..
how to love and feed parts of you i need.
and you dont like what i say cuz
you dont get nothing along those lines.
just boy-friend crazy stuff...
which i love reeding on you xanga...
but somthing in me is hurting,
cuz somthing in you is not watered
wont grow wont show...
and i love you so...
im no good for you...i know.
but i keep pointing to places-things
where i know my girl can grow strong (inside)
im hopeless. but you dont quit.
you make the woods cum alive to me.
i need patience. cuz i dont understand
what im saying yet either.
i just know i love you like my oen soul.
but know you deer sister can be a brat
sometimes...and i need to deel with it.
what-ever you want to deel.
-
Sent 3/26/2008 9:01 PM
maydns 'first' 'message' i cannot find!
so here i am...one year later...attempting
to type it from memmory:
she says: well! i finaly made it!
...pumps are hard on my feet?
...undo my dress???
...you can help me...with these buttons
in the back are so-hard to reech.
wrap my legs around your waist...
(.more.)
other message: i know you want under
my skirts...eye understand that and
want my skirts over you...(.more.)
(original is here! i found it.)
(see below)
- - - -
-
20min left? 10min? 2min!
write well, my deer-sister.
-
April 02, 2008 5:11 PM
Anonymous said...
something is wrong.
what is wrong? is it even a real word?
i'm not shore.
how to fix...? missunderstanding?
no ID. aaaah.
ummm...clueless...again.
walking in the dark. why does this feel so natural to me? walking in the dark.
I dunt need eyes to see. the more years, the more i feel...this.
sound though...i love sound.
sexy noises turn me (my ears) on.
i'm shore i'll be deaf at 80.
hope=cocclear implants
fyi: Everything sounds pornographic these days.
"wait, i'm coming"
oh,...ahhhh!
i canut handle it. what the F is wrong!!?? ...with me.
with me...you need to be with me...so that i can be...normal...?again? (driving down the road one day, and It/depth-of-Love-for-you hit me like a Mac truck)
i so didnut plan this. i wish i would have planned this. it'd be so much easier. i cood feel easier.
i swear i try to stop these sinfull thoughts. try to think/type norml stuff.
ie: "why is the sky blue?"
and all i can think of is, "i want to color the sky, with You. blue, green, whatever...All You."
Jesus, help me.
--
so im hearing you want me to type you out of 'loving' (me)
--
"~when you say you love me, I say you better!!!!~" The (real/best) WHO
--
if you want to remain distant...it aint with me babe.
if you want someone to tell you what to do...it aint with me babe.
if you want perfection...it aint with me babe.
If you say You need me...I say you'd better!
love that song! All Most as much as I Love Lions.
--
ps. the real, sexy, love-letter refuses to be published.
The Pride is restraining The Beast.
The Zoo needs to remove some fences before it can become a happy Home.
also...i love/need you n i dunt want to...what do i do?
April 18, 2008 7:04 AM
im talking without thinking again...(no time.)
i love you.
you keep conflicting worlds bearable.
evry hour...using you to beat it.
every day.
every morning.
always you.
-
i know you dont want to love/need.
my garden grows cuz of what you have done.
i dont care what you do next.
but...
if love was planted...
then it wants to grow...
even today...
always using maydns words...
to go another step.
into a most beautiful way.
for me to go.
thank you..
no matter what.
will 'hap'n next.
-
...
-
.
.
.
did you say 'depth-of-love'
.
.
i need to report..
it only happend 5-times?
but only when thuts of you come.
i need to report..
a strange rise in my chest.
i dont know what it is...
its not those 'chest-aches'
i always get those for you.
this 'rise' is different.
like somthing in me is..
reaching for you..
almost bursts my chest...
then settles back down...
quick as it came...
like a rooster-bird.
i dont know what this is.
its always about you.
im tired of being 'MALE'
it gets confusing.
but i report things you do to me.
even if no 'sense' is in it.
but i report things you do to me.
even if no 'sense' is in it.
-
(.next comment.)
more dreemy-architecture:
book:building with earth.
earth-bag construction.
rob and jaki Roy
earthwood building school.
other 'schools':
carla emery, elpel:outdoor.
nyerges:self reliance.
-
always twisting maydn into some
of these ideas...
thats guys for you.
but then...
i keep moving out and away...
till i 'WANT' to study
basic survival study stuff..
it dont come naturaly for me..
i got to tell my heart what to
love... that takes walking out'
into the unknown where im
forcing myself to listen..
anyone can stay with the crowd.
floating into a lazy mass of
death-camps..it easy..
sit at home.
do nothing.
trouble comes qwiq that way.
i try to run from it.
i find happiness...
when i do.
so i do.
and i go.
and i love you so.
-
HP408B TXT 10,584 04-18-08 12:58p HP408B.TXT
my xanga.com\deuda_m comment replys to her 'messages' 4-18-08
i capture all you type and
reed it at home..
but i can see (at a glance)
im missing you to much.
-
these days
we pass each other just enuff
to make hearts bleed.
-
is that tech-no world?
no wonder galeeb urges
a RET-TURN.
-
this is pain-FULL.
its not the world they said it wood be.
-
i urge all to break with it.
but since im here touching
a girl i love... and she's...
the 'only' one that has me in
'cyber-space' (or any space).
i need to pause...
-
(choke)...god! you reely do-do
all this xanga.com\hip_gnostic
for me?
im just a stupid male.
-
(shaky)
yyou rreely doo ccare.
-
i hope i can direct that-kind of
power... (for best effects)
to people\places..in time.(WOW)
you make things so beautiful...
for me.
-
its freightning what one maydn can do.
-
(im still typing without thinking)
-
you are a dream...
i wish english had a better word.
'beautiful' dosnt draw what you are to me.
infact, it sorta-of 'scribbles' up the picture.
how about... 'magical' ?
'girl-of-my-dreems' ?
how about... 'im not flirting'
i wish i wood.
you kinda-of deserve it.
-
but i dont. i report.
and then gush.
-
sometimes i even
report on a male-gush.
and why he did-so that-way.
-
im hopeless...
i try to fit all you do into a...
'progress report'
with no pause to tell you...
you are so much...more...
than that...(sob)
god! and you hate cry-babys so...
thats good.
you dont need to know why
males-cry anyway.
this male see's into the heart.
someone tawt me to do that.
else i wood demand pictures.
and somthing to lust at...
(hey thanks for that appolos-venus picture post)
i wood want only your body.
...one of those...'hump-and-dump'
relation-ships...
but you will need to teach-me that cuz...
what i see in you is sooo much gooderr.
my relation-ships are built for heart-wars.
the whole fleet gets bombed every day,
it goes on all nite...
it will go on all day!
the war for peoples
MINDS!
attention-spans,media,edu,trash-canning musick!
meanwhile...
my little-scanners go crazy over-you.
deleting all the distractions and 'noise'
and using you to do somthing beutiful.
INSTEAD.
i think girls like heart-felt things more
than boys...
i just wish i wood woory about looks...
and not the beutiful person you are
'inside' just...for.... practice sake?
i meen...how am i going to fuck my sister?
(gross)
this takes alot of 'focus'
-
im way off balance.
keep holding my hand like you do.
i go over your papers alot.
-
and...
let me qwit for now...
im not being aloud to say-type
somthing heart-felt...
nor go over-it.
-
sometimes you need to
see me do that. cuz...
males are funny to hear...
when they dont think...
.
.
.
do they think?
-
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
hope. you R ok.i want to tear into you right now.
tell you a thing or two...
about circles and being direct
or genuine
or real;
im too tired or sad or worried or confused
to say-(type)-care ...anything.
--(a)(e)iou
ps. if i ever get my breath back you had better look out
9:24 PM2 eprops1 commentemailFriday, April 11, 2008
IOU - Letter
1.) Introduce
2.) Things I like to do
3.) What I am good at
4.) What I don't enjoy
5.) Goals for this year
["Apollo reached the tree and, still enamoured with Daphne, he mourned, as Ovid wrote in the Metamorphoses:"]
"Fairest of maidens, you are lost to me. But at least you shall be my tree. With your leaves my victors shall wreathe their brows. You shall have your part in all my triumphs. Apollo and his laurel shall be joined together wherever songs are sung and stories told."
Ovid loves Sappho
http://www.nga.gov/education/classroom/origin_myths/art_apollo.shtm
Apollo and Daphne is a baroque, life-sized marble sculpture by Italian Gian Lorenzo Bernini, housed in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. It was inspired by one of the stories included in Ovid's Metamorphoses.
9:30 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailThe Meanest, Most Average, Invisible Man I Have Never Met(u sure know how to ignore a girl)
this is so fucking backwards
sdrawkcab gnikcuf os si siht
OR plain:
gnikcuf os
Do you wantto know what i think about you? You know, those little dark thoughts included. I like when you tell me what you really think about me. I feel more rounded. They say that something is wrong with a person that doesn't have atleast one enemy. I like it when you imply me as a whore and other derogatory terms for women; it gives me reason to do bad things to you.
Besides, just cuz you think it doesn't meen that it is true.
10:50 AMadd epropsadd commentsemailTuesday, April 0nclu-s tr sth athat I
xanga.com\hip_gnostic
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Here Kitty Kitty...Nice Kitty Got Ya!
This is called a Green-Grasshopper Hold.
Well Well Well...
Looks like I'll be the one playing with You this time.
Oh...not afraid yet? Just you wait, I've got friends and lots of them. And they're gonna help me do what ever I want with you.
Oh dear (I mean cat) this could be fun. If you don't chicken out. haha
In the meanwhile, since I've got you here, and you can't really touch me...
EAT ME PUSSY!
4:15 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailTuesday, March 25, 2008
'You make me feel ten thousand feelings all at once...and so I remain silent.'
I'm going to type what I have written into this damn machine only because I said I would. I have gotten damn frustrated with this 'game' and am ready to qwit myself. May-be I might make you catch me instead.
Would not that be interesting?
You've toyed with me like a cat does with an injured grasshopper. The cat knows he has the grasshopper and that he could swallow her up whole or crunch her slowly between his teeth, feeling the little legs wriggle on his lips. What does he do instead? He bats her around a bit, lets the little grasshopper jump around in circles a while, pretends he's not looking, or just keeps nipping at her wings until she's just a twitching torso. Then he (the cat) just leaves her there to die in her own green grasshopper juices. Maybe he will eat her later, Maybe he will not.
A frightening waste of time for the grasshopper. Priceless entertainment for the cat.
Personally, I'd rather be chewed up than neglected with my guts hanging out. Then again I have been accused of needing too much attention.
Then again I don't believe that there is a cat out there who can resist a bouncy grasshopper that is too stupid to keep away from a cat's attention.
5:46 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailMonday, March 24, 2008
2 SIM-PLEAn "intentional community": is that not where we live? I am having a hard time meshing these private communities with fundamental realities. Harsh reality is something I thrive in. I guess it is all I know. I do however thrive on learning experiences and I can see that all over the place in these intentional communities and 'nut'farms (I was raised by conservatives who would think that was funny) Maybe you could too.
Why would someone want me on a farm? Why would someone not call me and say, "hey let's go somewhere together."? What is the big secret? I am beginning to fear falseness. What is the complication? The difficulty?
I am the type of girl that meets prospective suitors in the library... or the grocery store...not online in some scary obtuse fashion. I prefer...let's go see a movie, or...let's go fuck in the corn field.
KNOWLEDGE?"-- U2
You too have come here to hold a smooth firm body in your distant hands, as much as is possible. As those hands knead through the muscle and the skin to find the bone and then room for yours. To fit something so rigid, deep into a tight and abstract body capable of creation may be beyond your comprehension of living and dieing. This is why I have come here this morning to warn you of the power that a needful body contains.
To look into the reflecting glass and call it complete would be to say that your eyes have seen all the life in the sea. In this lifetime the pressure of a man's erection breaking through the vulvas flexion in waves, could never be compared to words. I would in fact purpose that demonstration is the only word that may do it justice. Demonstration, however, has such a negative connotation to use as a word. Justice, might be one answer to ripping the cloaks where there is nothing left but naked truths and realities. Realities of heat and sensation; of cold and insensitivity, blushing new again with sounds that formed words before words had reason.
Here you find me, every morning under my soft linens with nothing more than my pale skin and swollen lips. You warm my breasts with the breath of your words, though my conscience feels the chill. So these nipples take to the linens as this body raises to feel your palms. The contact of the centered palm, the life of a man, in the palm placed at the navel and pressed firmly and patiently to the beginning. Thighs spreading thighs in movement to a beat that makes itself. Deep and fulfilling, until something inescapable begins to happen. This existence where cries of pleasure and tears of joy have no place, only value.
Please just pull my tongue into your mouth and tell me that you love me. That the life and passion in this explosion of a woman is not blown to the moon and stars. Let this morning wake you and bring you gently inside of me. Take these tears and bottle them for sunrise. They will bring you purity and light. They will show you what is necessary, what is need, and move the tides until you come.
--XO
6:29 AMadd epropsadd commentsemailMonday, March 31, 2008
exposing what makes me stinkmy dignity will ideally be preserved in my truth.
here goes...
i am going to make what happened saturday night public.
no explanation really to give. it's one of those, you'd have to see it to believe it. (my life is full of that)
so look at it. i don't want to.
my fear is written all over that page.
It appears i have some trauma to work through. good thing i didn't end up in the trauma-unit of the hospital.
also, i'm at a point where 'words cannot explain' and it's aching me inside. i don't know what else to do.
so i keep peeling the layers, maybe theres something sweet in here. maybe it'll make your eyes burn.
hopefully you like onions.
11:16 AM2 eprops1 commentemailSunday, March 30, 2008
lett gocrieing,
nothing else to do. don't want to be who you want me to be. just want to be happy with me.
i almost killed myself last night. on accident. then again nothing is really an accident. is it?
passed out and woke up with a friend holding my shoulders saying look at what your doing to yourself. I didn't care. my only friend there was myself and i kept saying, "i don't care". I kept holding my shoulders up and saying wake up, please wake up sweetheart. Until my left leg started burning. After a while it started to get uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. A candle in a clam shell was on the floor under my leg and it had burnt a hole through my jeans; one perfectly round hole. Anyone familiar with the science of blue jeans might see the tragedy here also.
what is left on my leg is a peculiar symbol. in a sick way i sort of like it. I guess i earned it...or really i deserved it. It is a symbol, a sign. Like an 8 but it is missing the bottom left side. Seems like an astrological symbol i've seen before. im gonna have to look into it.
really this is not something i wantt to share. in fact i hate sharing pain, tails of pain. if that is all that i am made up of then what else is there to share? ayah, there are alot of fun stories and amazing times that have marked my life but it seems people only want to listen to those when there is a pissing contest to be won.
what people really want to know, deep down, is what experiences have made you more fucked up than them.
i just want to live...and let live. REALLY! sounds cliche. i just want to love and be loved. i trust this will happen.
my brain is not my body and my body is not my brain. my body knows what it wants, what it needs and is easily satisfied. My brain will take some time removing all the parts of it that are not it, until it finally finds its true identity and finds reverence for the wisdom of the body and respect for the knowledge of the mind.
when everything is silent and there is no more busy-ness to be done...when your mind is still within your body what is there? what do you hear? feel? do you have fear of something? what soothes you?
i am crying because of all the pain that holds people back (not me though ?)
all the fear that keeps the dream of hell real.
the fear that keeps so many captured inside. so much that we find it so hard to be ourselves. To be love
not to merely (mirrorly) give love or receive love,,, just to BE LOVE.
that is really what we All are. LOVE
i love you Love.
here love is a verb and a pronoun.
You, i will call you Love. I know you love that.
3:54 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailSaturday, March 29, 2008
ther wuz funr666 your o'love right the fuck up yur asz.
fthe beesta.
whar i wantd to sayz wux
i got wax on my p[antsn its all your fault
german-irish w/ french etiquette
11:14 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailEXAMPLEDO THIS...be a friend. what does that look like? why can not you see?
I can't feel.
You can't feel...your feet?
I can't feel.
You can't feel... your legs?
I can't feel my loins.
Yu can't feel you loins? For, Christ's sake...feel your loins.
Should I,... like,.. feel my loins?
No! Just feel your loins! There is no 'like' about it. MayB a little..., like.
Don't just feel my loins? Like it? sure. Now I CAN DO that!
ok.
ok.
Put your hands on your thighs; between the knee cap and the hip bone...that muscle. ( oh God, i love that muscle.)Move your hands around in a circle in the center of that. You cando that. now fix your loins.Can you see now?can you feel? Are you redy to play friends? grab that! I want to play friends. Does that hurt your loins? That scares me! Mayb i canfix it. Does it kneed a kiss?
9:51 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailWednesday, March 26, 2008
Here Kitty Kitty...Nice Kitty Got Ya!
This is called a Green-Grasshopper Hold.
Well Well Well...
Looks like I'll be the one playing with You this time.
Oh...not afraid yet? Just you wait, I've got friends and lots of them. And they're gonna help me do what ever I want with you.
Oh dear (I mean cat) this could be fun. If you don't chicken out. haha
In the meanwhile, since I've got you here, and you can't really touch me...
EAT ME PUSSY!
4:15 PM2 eprops4 commentsemail
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please tell me where you went. (just leave a note)
if you are mad: just leave a note..."Gone Mad".
If you are sad: ":-("
If you are bored: "want to get nailed?"
If you hate me: "falsetto"
If you are confused or frustrated with me: "?????!!!"
If you feel that i have done you an injustice: "put up your dukes, let's get down to it"
If you feel over-sexed: "put your nurse's uniform back on woman!"
If you do not want to tell me where you are: "see ya later"
If you never want to talk to me again: "see ya never"
If you are just too busy: "i can't play right now. mayb later."
something, anything. my mind is making up stories and none of them are true because ... i really can't be sure.
for a hip gnostic girl, this could destroy me.
-- lov`e you, miss you, hope to see you sooner than later
Posted 5/8/2008 11:07 AM hip_gnostic block delete i apologize for not understanding how to "lock you up". i think that i can pleez you without the lock. your other friends might see though. so a direct message to you from me might be sexier than the basic made-for-tv-audience. i admit that i am having a difficult time opening up to you right now because i am uncomfortable with this internet and i am wondering what is your reason for so much secrecy. are you an ex-con? what are you hiding from? are you just a paranoid person? (opleez take no offense cuz i mean no harm) i just want to open up to you and am confused by the difficulty this is presenting. there is a reason for it. what is blocking the flow? of streem 8? what is the reason for misunderstanding?
pleez just tell me you R who I think you are and that i don't have to follow anymore rules to be with you.
pleez just give me a sign that the man behind the mask is the one i've loved all along And i can tell you that i am not "crazy!" just extremely anxiety ridden at the sad state of clinical living.
--
Posted 4/28/2008 1:17 PM hip_gnostic block delete just when i thought This Thing that we are doing here was about to get better...
down the emotional tubes.
Let's be direct. That is something that i have been trying to direct out of you for...years. now.
All joking and creativity aside;
when i ask you a question, please answer it. you really hurt my feelers when you ignore me/my thoughts and or person, or try to avoid me/my thoughts and or person.
pleez say what you are thinking. as i can nearly see the future; i cannot yet effectively read minds.
For some unearthly reason I really want to know what is in yours (mind). For God's sake just say it, it doesn't matter how stupid you think it may sound. I like to be able to feel stupid sometimes. Respectable knowledge and perfect ettiquete is retarded and over-rated and ... fake. If there could be something in this world that pisses me off, it would be "fake" anything.
As I know how insensitive and then overly-sensitive i can be, i realize that you have been wrenching your guts to say something. I realize that these notebooks and slips of paper that i have been hoarding probably could have been typed in and sent to you, thus relieving this severe anxiety that something that should have been said was not.
I'm really not afraid to say something to You??? anymore. It is what i don't say to you that i am afraid of. I wish you can see that.
All this "stuff" this "emotion" this heart-throbbing that is too overwhelming to control. This feeling that there will never be another you??? in my life, someone to understand and in return understand me, someone to connect to the Spirit with me just at a glance, someone to experience miracles with. my spirit is dieing inside, it is talking so fast yet so clear that my abilities cannot keep up and my mind now knows these things that my body cannot do. Amazing how slow this body is compared to this spirit.
damn it if i could just say all there is to say, mayb make more George Washingtons to buy that hawaiian villa, mayb put some words into your mouth (you know...the ones i think i'd like to hear), mayb if i could just swing high enough to flip over that bar just one time. damn it mayb then you'd believe....and call me on the telephone to say the things that need to be said...to make my affections worth while...and yours. i don't want to waste your time, i just want to waste some time with you.
i'm certainly not a fighter though. i gave that up some time ago. I'm all about surrender anymore. That is what has been asked of me. That is why i don't missionary, or hide, and try not to fear...much.
I love you still, though you make me cry and make my insides ache every damn day.
even if you get mad and then apologize later, i'm a very forgiving person. sometimes i don't even un-forgive when you think i should...so forgiveness is un-necessary.
honey i know i am a strange(unique) person, I'm definately an aquired taste, i take some patience and understanding and alot of open-mindedness. i'm so worth the effort though, cuz i give it all back ten-fold. and i do it on purpose. so if you still feel that love is a waste of time, then look up my sweet cuz cause it's all around you and you're wasting time.
--
Posted 4/28/2008 12:29 PM hip_gnostic block delete uuuuugggh!
to much pain you are sis.
i tell you what i will do.
xanga.com\deuda_m
will invite you to be his 'friend'
and then you can put a..
'friends-lock' on your hip_gnostic site
if thats what you reeely wanted.
so you can do to me what ever you want.
i dont trust internet 'anything'
anymore. so. no identification (please)
i got suspecious when you typed:
i hope this pass-code? gets to the rite
person (on streem-8)
i listed the possibility that
someone else must be talking to you cuz
i dont know any 'zayon' password.
nor wood i use it unless you explain
what it was ment for...
anyway...streem-8 is geeting to messy.
i reely want to do this...
i will invite you to be my friend and
you can put a 'lock' on me.
friendship is fun.
i hope i have listed the possibilities (galeeb)
use it.
but beware...we must 'never' re-veal each-other.
dont you think?
if you make a 'passage' to yourself.
im 'not' the only one who will find it.
i even think someone uses my deuda_m
so its... hopeless?
and i love you.
-
love defies gravity.
i dont like that.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:57 PM deuda_m block delete still searching for
pictures that tell you
what i dreem when i dreem
of you...(silly boy stuff)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_image_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books
did someone say honey? ...
your words are alwayd timely maydn..(honey)
ive always hated you for that.
cuz in son-god: nothing is by chance.
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey.php
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey-01.php
this looks like the best one:
http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm
cuz maydn...
you-ARE 'the people' i will be
keeeping for a long-long time.
even if i can only carry 'YOU'...
in my heart.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete telling you 'how'
i think.
wasnt i smart move.
-
but i open everything to you.
i cant resist you no more.
if your going to hurt me...
you reeeeely will.
-
it dont matter..
i still dreeeem of you.
plenty of your words
help me do that.
-
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_image_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books
Sent 4/18/2008 4:29 PM deuda_m block delete maydn... you said:
i guess i don't understand.
i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving.
it hurts me to say that to you.
i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs.
i need to protect myself though...
...
oh maydn!!
my honey! that does hurt.
i will rip open my core
just once for you to let you
know 'how' i hope and think:
i wake up knowing that:
somehow i wasted today
or part of it.
i feel like i offended myself..
like when you eat somthing you
know make you feel gilty.
i deel with it cuz...
i offended myself!
its a taste of what i must
look like to son-god when
i offend him.
i use it to tell him to
remove ALL offense to him
to self and to others by
his precious healing blood.
he always is reddy to give
me what i dont earn nor deserve:
rite-standing again.
'
his spirit is now freee to help
me forgive and watch and do better.
that is a miracle.
also:
knowing he will gide me to love
what i shood say, do, type, be
is also another 'miracle'
thats what i use to make threw
times when you say
'i cant be what you want'
know that you will be,
maybe not what i planned.
but exactly what
son-god planned.
im soo happy about that.
for you.
and for me.
cuz i fear that all the time
honey. weep no more.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn...
i forgot the hug:
x - x - x
(2 hours later:)
i like you the way you are.
i stop to say that.
cuz we all go to hard with
'growing' where we want.
that i forget to say...
i have what i want.
you are just so...
x - x - x ...
(three hours later:)
beautiful.
-
you always hit the rite words...
-
even if english is...
a bit...
silly.
-
your meenz heart is alot to me.
you show that.
you know that.
-
i say: list possibilities.
cuz your rite.
protection is more important..
than me.
-\
i need you to do that.
or i loose....everything:
.
.
.
.
-YOU-
-
Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!!
i love you
.
Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete i still love you.
-
to much.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 2:40 PM deuda_m block delete i guess i don't understand.
i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving.
it hurts me to say that to you.
i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs.
i need to protect myself though...
... cuz i do not see that you wood.
i love you. n
i don't wantto
(ouch)
just one (more) hug. that's all i want right now. Mayb it cood heal this broken thing.
--love Love
ouch
Posted 4/14/2008 9:40 AM hip_gnostic block delete
xanga.com\deuda_m pass:??3sp goto 'messages':
Sent 4/2/2008 8:27 PM deuda_m block delete Many nights I have tried to do whatever I could to get you off of my mind. Every damn morning I wake up thinking about you. YOU! do you hear that?
This has been too real for me for way too long. My body confuses me into hurting because you are not here next to me...or me there. It really hurts. And there is nothing I can do about it...denial works temporarily...for a few years maybe...then bam! it hits me all over again...and I'm all giddied up about You again. And it keeps getting worse. Especially now that I know I love you for everything that you are and....you me. oh wow! oh God! when I think about that I want to passout. I know what you speak of when you say "knit". I would love to find out what that is about with you. Fascinating...aint it?
I want you to be happy and if this makes you happy and feel safe then this is what I need to do.
Understand, I am not so happy about virtual-love. I love connecting with you on this level. I guess I really Love being able to say whatever I really feel and get an opportunity to write something heart-felt, rather than settle for whatever jumble of words I can manage to get out of my swollen mouth. You do that to me. (you will find out later how much and why) You have the advantage of mystery however. I have been pretty wide open for some time now. I find it unfair. My advantage would be my ablity to put thought into action.
I want to show you. I want to use my hands and make this idea about you physical into Life. It is a rather uncontrollable desire. I have confidence in my hands.
So... planning is great! And your techniques I think will compliment mine. But I'm not sure why I don't trust myself with you. This is so overwhelming. I am a quite simple person. Less talk, More action.
I need to get some stuff typed out to you. Things just keeps cumming...everyday...every day. I have a difficult time keeping up. what between survival and thrival... I listened to someone speak the other day about that gut feeling that one can get about something...it makes you take a deep deep breath and adds tremendous motivation to seemingly ordinary things...well...then he went on to speak about instinct and capacities for love.
How important it is to Love with all that we have. How we are supposed to recognize that feeling and say "oh God, GIVE ME THAT!" and everything else works itself out. I want to love you...whatever that means for us...with ALL that I can give, All that I have, All that this mysterious heart is made up of. You show me that you love me. By wooffing me and harvesting me local. I LOVE that!
You know what? I want more from you though, I don't know why. I know you want to see-read something from me too that I may not be showing. A lifetime could probably not be long enough to get to KNOW eachother...ALL the parts of eachother. I think that is what makes having GOOD relationships fun and alive.
Sow that is what I do...I go slowly and patiently and get to know you. You are a dream. Every time I take another look into you I sea something else that I wished for. I believe in customed-partnerships.-
OK, now I have to put my clothes back on and go be late for work. You do me Good, very very Good. please know that. You please me in soooo many ways it is hard to speak about it. I want to put my hand in yours, look into your eyes, and show you how much. That is all I can say right now.
I hope I do not confuse you with my native tongue...it is difficult to balance simplicity with spirit. Such is life.
I love you...more...and again...
-- oooooo o o o o OX
- - - -
NOW clear under the desk.
9:49 PM1 viewWednesday, August 13, 2008
just 4 licksHow do you do it?
say to me...
this is no online-game deerheart.
iam the person you think iam.
if the Good-Lord has blessed us so...then to be mayd for another will...B.
i love you. why? you water me for growth. you do right. you fill the parts where idon'ut. you R a gentle-man with my love.
1:58 PM4 viewsSaturday, August 09, 2008
OXXO
12:32 AM1 viewWednesday, August 06, 2008
A-Round Stone Block TablePossum Pot Pie
main dish, game
1 cup glazed huckleberries
3 shots gin or moonshine
1 possum
1 pie crust with top
1 sliced carrots & cabbage
1 to taste
If roadkill---make jambalaya. If caught---proceed with recipe Cover a pan (or any implement you can put in a fire) with the bottom of your pie crust and place the possum in it. Add the huckleberries and carrots, and shred the cabbage over it. Close up the pie and bake until the neighbors' dogs come sniffing around to see what the wonderful smell is, or until the fire department arrives (whichever comes first). Remove from fire/oven, slice and enjoy. Anthony Trummert
And for dessert, Christmas Nut Cake and Warm Gopher Milk
11:51 PM1 viewSunday, August 03, 2008
after nooni thought how nice it might be to talk to you and read by daylight.
is it proper for women to call men?
societal rules/norms have always been elusive for me.
11:01 PM1 viewMonday, July 28, 2008
nonmanipulated, genuine, honest; (organic)oh love
words could never give enough meaning to the things i need to express to you.
4:56 PM1 viewTuesday, July 22, 2008
One Love Or Two?what real humanity is there if we are nice and sweet all the day long; when really we stand in line for food and want to kill!
This story goes on in some fancy fashion about a love that was thought to be true based souly and upon the fact that something greater than the metaphysical body exists.
In this existence only a voice of pure clarity and reason is present. There is no choice but to obey. One wouldn't decide any other way because the promises are too great a proposition. The promises are everything you've ever wanted. Whatever it is that your soul has longed for and ached for and starved and would die for. This story is how life lives to each next day and through every night of resolution.
Do these things, these feelings really exist? or are they created by a selfish naive trying to form the future of the universes because he can not see any further. Is death really a creation of seven mad men tearing their flesh by their teeth while dancing in delirious celebration? Is life really at the mourning of these bodies?
She turns her head from these visions and tries to dream another direction in hopes of opening her eyes to a less demented dimension. Here she begins to believe in a friendly vision written in third person and souly for entertainment. There is knowing, however, that each word is made magic and each sentence its' spell. The boy should never know about her secret places. She will show him anyways to see what he thinks and how he feels.
Laughing with a horrible emotion inside, she senses he wants petticoats and perfume and stockings that smell of a womans' musk. Three women to be precise. Mayb he wants lovely locks to pull his fingers through and soft selky skins to masterbate with his tongues. Mayb he wants to take advantage of him and tie him to a tree all the time placing females to kneel at his fleshy parts and draw out his seed to propagate yet another man in deservant fashion. I admire his adversity. Yet the girl despises his unrealistic expectations of the woman she is about to become.
I curse it and all religious rights that suppress any emotion, desire, dream, idea. It is what it is. Things that grow in the dark do not thrive when light shown on them. So in this cursed indescretionary mission i will see to it that we look directly into the face of fear and call it exactly what it is. And in that dissolution the guts will spill out and what is left we shall find. This will surly be very very messy. May there be respect or reverence? She doesn't know. That is not her mission as of yet.
Here they lay forever together upon blood soaked linens and a pair of white lace panties. Whomever said women were weak had never been torn open from the insides and then praised for their devotion. She knows pain by the day and is told to deny that she does. She does do it with pleasure as ever they are one in the same. We should not speak on this for it is mystery and must remain so.
Then here in the dirt her gentle parts lose their respect because why I do not know. Does love happen only in a satin gown? How could she stay naked and honest to her treaded boots when she is bent over backwards a boulder and her heels to the sky? She cries out that she loves the earth and the stars and her man made god. Her laces around his neck, she refuses to let go even though he is through with her filthy ass. No love, for respect is not love and sex is not love; or is it? He sets her feet back on the ground and lets her cling to him as long as she does not feel around him too much. She knows the pain and feels the pleasure.
"Enough of this bloody conformity!" his queen orders out from the written pages of time.
If I cut you, you might bleed through my paperwork. If you cut you, you could feel your own skin and how precious it may be. The Queen of Nonexistence could see how these things work in life and death, though she never had the need to try them herself. She could simply see the darkness with the same eyes that she was able to see the light. She was not a slave to her skin. Though you should know, these servants have a purpose as well in this lovely fucking story.
The ladies removed their armor and found their voices to be quite gentle and appealing. He seemed nervous that these particular three had never worn stockings beneath the metal sheathing. One wouldn't even lay down her sword before she crawled onto his lap and straddled him as she had her stead. She never even spoke the whole day before she rung the sweat from her hair and massaged the oils and ejaculate between her thighs and down her legs, up past her navel and along her shoulders between her breasts and around. The second of the lady had a sort of metallic smell to her skin. Too much iron he concluded and the girl agreed with a giggle. She begged him to kiss her and lick the iron sweat from her parts. He felt his stomach and his salivating glands choking his throat. The woman with the steel sword seemed to motion him a choice. He chose to taste the girl and all her parts and felt the vibrations in her body as she sang him a lore. He refused to eat for days later and he only wanted water poured across his lips, cold and slow. The lady in the next days was shiny and every part of her was firm and smooth to the touch. She laid down her weapons and poured salt and oil on the back of her neck and it ran to her feet. The other women, including the queen, used their finger tips to slide the granules into her pores and parts. Each area was then scraped clean. She tempted his neck first and his ear lobe. Then she bit his chin and sucked the taste from his beard. Then she bit his lip and then the other and moved inside his mouth. She moved to the other side. She sucked his fingers and licked his swollen head. She bit his inner thighs and the back of his calves. She scratched his back in long pressured motions. She felt each hair as it stood up with energy. Each pulse beneath his skin had hastened her heart. Each muscle contraction made her body tense and relax. He began to feel a fire in his body so deep that it began to catch his soul. He became frightened and tried to move as if to run. They told him he was free to run or come or stay or go as the confusion in him grew. He felt around frantically for his armor. All that was there was her codpiece and she gave it to him with pleasure. She placed it directly where he wanted it and waited until he felt secure. As her hands moved to grasp his maximus muscles he fell into a trance as she needed and rubbed and released his body to his soul. The piece fell to the floor as he reached for his own sword. But it was no use. He had only enough tenuous strength left to say, "hey queeny Mayb, you and i should go somewhere where we can be alone. I've been thinking of some things you and i could be doing together and this fantasy ain't gonna be able to do it all."
Then she remembered how selfish he had been. How difficult it was for him to stay or to hear him say the love words. She thought mayb if she were to tie his hands back around the tree and place her panties in his mouth, then she could do what she had in mind instead of listening to him go on about what he expected.
3:34 PM1 viewSunday, July 20, 2008
What To Say Or Not To Say?is this a trick or a test? r we trying to deduce what it isn't before we decide what it is? what is there to say? do we enjoy talking to eachother? do we make eachother laugh? and often? is there trust? is the silence comfortable?
and have we been destined to be together? and why are we distanced? r the differences too great?
what is this mysterious connection? and how do we come together?
11:28 AM1 viewWednesday, July 16, 2008
Ivyi am an honest and faithful and diligent woman. i practice good deeds and good thoughts and positive energy. i use my head and follow my heart and make treasure of my soul. i give more and expect less. i am kind and caring. i cherish my family. i seek value instead of riches. i speak with integrity and find virtue in others. i use moderation and creativity. i know what it is to be in need, and i know what it is to have plenty, and i have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstance. i keep patience and understanding as a mantra. i seek peace without war and unity without conformity. i am flexible and easy to please. i am so easily entertained. i read the bible as well as a number of other philosophical chronologies. i give to the church. i tend to the earth. children and animals and plants love me. i find inspiration in the room, the stars, and the trees. i want to love and have a vibrant life. i need health and good spirits to thrive.
i don't play head games or seek pleasure in emotional manipulation. i don't have meaningless sex or shallow relationships. i don't like drama or deceit. i don't want monotony or to dwell on the past. i refuse abuse in any way. i don't believe in the devil.
i am selfishly shy. i think way to much and often about myself. i desire less work and more rewards. i need unreasonable amounts of attention. i drink too much beer. i have a quick and firey temper. i have found heated jealousy within. i get hives and itching when i am stressed. sometimes i get red swollen chapped lips and the sides of my mouth crack. i have a tare in my labia from a hard childbirth. i had a beautiful child, out of wedlock. sometimes my feet blister and crack from hiking in high heels, abuse, and neglect. i have fibromyalgia and high anxiety accompanied by fatigue and depression. i am seeking pain management. i get horrible garlic and onion breath (because i love them deeply). i also have a very acidic body chemistry. my stomach gets tumultuous from dehydration and poor nutrition. i starve for love and affection.
2:15 PM4 viewsTuesday, July 15, 2008
Believe in your one true soul; never to be duplicated...again.
I wait for a sign.
Something that says...
'you will be here in the morning to hug me and bring me home...for good'
At the shore of a river of sticks, there is flooding and confusion and pain.
I wait for a sign.
There is fire at my back and it seems the only answer may be to go into the reptilian waters...again.
I wait for a sign.
Stop, drop, and roll as opposed to running around telling everybody that the world is on fire.
You will come for me soon. In so many ways.
I wait for a sign.
Could've tried harder...to be myself.
Should've called earlier and talked more soberly.
Would've been more mature and walked into your life at an earlier time.
Wanted to be there for you. In so many ways.
Wished that I had the nerve to show up... again.
--
In certain terms:
may we be the best of friends and family, may we be forever allies, may we find solace in comfort and serenity, may we find shelter in joy and laughter, may we grow with strength and prosperity and make wishes with wisdom, may we learn from weakness and find protection from fear, may we seek goodness and love for All eternity
--
a great friend gave this to me, and I want you to have it:
"a friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of ones heart, chaff and grain together;
knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping,
and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- c. Dampier 1991
--i miss you desperately. please think of me soon.
4:00 PM2 viewsTuesday, July 08, 2008
DeudameI was so glad to hear from him. I hardly believe it was you.
But you called for me! I am in Heaven!
I didn't know what to say. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to say anything. I didn't know what not to say. I wanted to say everything all at once. I was hoping to just say anything. (very awkward feeling)
In shock I was. You know that moment righht before you're putting the jar in to seal? Is everything gonna turn out all right, spice and all? or could it explode right in your face? oh the pressure! i love it.
"Though we be lands apart, our hearts be as one."
i was hoping to be more patient and let the line be still for a moment, that we might give ourselves some time to truly get on line and say....
I Love You.
hope to hear from you sooner than later.
---love---
9:44 AM5 viewsMonday, July 07, 2008
PRINT MEagreeing is easy to do. for you. and me. especially when the garden is involved. NOW survival... we'll have to catch up with eachother on the details. and then as always goals and expectations and desires may be discussed.
i have been hoping forever to agree with the man that wants to agree with me. on a long term basis of course.
and...Argh you serious? you really want to get................
......................
me to walk the plank? (har har har)
With Honor, Captain!
hope you like two swim too.
Mayb we can learn to communicate like fish. I give you kisses like im breathing, and you rub up against my fins once in a while to show you care. ?whatya think?
["Ahhh! but this one i 'Did'
intend for you:
- - -
nd 'be prepared'--
-no end-"]
1:56 PM1 viewSunday, July 06, 2008
Founding Fathers Meet Lady Libertyhttp://www.ladylibrty.com/bill_of_rights_n.html
www.libertyforall.net
http://xroads.virginia.edu/~cap/liberty/lady_frm.html
www.aclu.org
4:22 PM4 viewsSunday, June 29, 2008
tree-house storiesShe wanted to tell him that she knew what is was to be a broken woman. That she knows how to love, she did not know how to talk deity nor dirty, and that she thought men liked those sorts of things. Pretending was something she didn't know how to do. To be sorry was something she did not know either. She wanted to know how to tell him.
She wants him to be happy and to find a life that he could thrive in. She wants to be happy and to find a life that she would thrive in. She understands that mayb she can never be perfect. That perfection is something that already is and nothing to be found. She believes mayb he was something perfect.
Then she began to see inadequacy and imperfection. How she wanted to be everything and yet thought she was nothing. She knew also what nothing was. She never wanted him to know this. She already knew how to say she was sorry. She knew sorry never says you are wrong; it simply implies sympathy. She didn't know much about that; empathy makes more sense.
She wants him to say he is sorry for leaving her out in the cold, vicious world to be alone with the wolves. Though, she had begun to love those wolves inspite. Of this, she knew appreciation. Of this, she loved the moon. After all this mayb love is all we need to know.
9:42 PM11 viewsSaturday, June 28, 2008
Then she began to- write like it didn't matter anyways. The type O's the fowl language; they didn't mean anything anyways. Any body was listening any ways. How angry could she get? How seductive could she be; without the love and the sex and the beauty of it? What did it mean?
She stepped up. That was what she needed to do for herself. She needed. That was what she needed. Else there was something else? She found that something else a long long time ago when she stepped up. In fact it wasn't time. It was love. God, she needed love. Love felt like pricks and needles and carefull down. She wanted to know more.
To know more was what was needed. Kneaded was a word she longed for. Aching muscles and a forlorned back made her strong and weakened her senses. There was numbness around her sensitive parts. He didn't mind. She just kept going. They kept hoping.
One day there was a stumbling across. Damnit it hurt. He knew it cause he saw it cause she wore it like a crown. It was on her sleeves and her leaves. Un-natural discomfort began to set in for the arms that grew around. What did he want anyways? She had nothing to offer except for heart sleeves and autumn leaves. He didn't even want to know about the beauty they might bring.
Suddenly as it was made, the cover came off and they were bare to behold. She opened her mouth to speak truth and joy. She enjoyed that right there in her naked mouth. She couldn't even speak. She kept wording and tongueing hoping that something gracious would come out. Only nothing did. He couldn't call out. It was sad.
She came everday hoping that something would come out. Of this he said, "I love.". Of this she said, "I know." She knew how it felt; to love. To be seductive of that idea for the greater good. Then she removed her mouth and what was there. She sat on it for a while and decide that he might need something more direct. He might need to feel her lips to know that she loved him and that he could come every night and never feel badly.
He could even mess up and still have the sunshine out his ass. Whatever she could say wrong was probably the right thing to say. She remained silent because words were for speakers and she was a rhythm. He didn't know. She could understand.
They stayed far away from eachother as long as the sex would stand. Niether knew how far away it could take them. Who could care when there was feelings so tight and something so big beginning inside them. All this was so dirty anyhow. Too much work, too much trouble; to keep simple and sterile was so much easier.
He went away. She stayed away. Then she looked up. Then he looked up. Then she looked down. Then he wanted to know what she was looking at. She didn't know. She wouldn't understand down. He couldn't understand down. Then they looked up for once in really long time. It was nuts.
The two enjoyed the view very much. They held these amazing things in common. The two enjoyed it for a very long time.
12:09 AM8 viewsThursday, June 26, 2008
Say Something Meaningful"Our ancestors pickled many vegetables to preserve them for winter eating. Salt and acetic acids in the vinegar inhibited growth of microorganisms that rotted food or even made it toxic. Cucumbers was the most common vegetable that was pickled, but beets, greenbeans, cabbages, radish pods, okra, and hot peppers were also preserved. Watermelon rind pickles were especially popular in the Mid-Atlantic states.
4:39 PM9 viewsMonday, June 23, 2008
GrimrWhat is this numbness? Do you care to know why?
Is it in the air? Is it in the sky?
Does it poison the food? Does it get you high?
Where does it come from? Will it make you die?
When did it get here? What can it buy?
Is it simple, complex? Does it wear a tie?
Is it in the water? Will it make you cry?
Does it come with knowledge? Is it really a lie?
How can we see it? Is it in the eye?
Who feels pain? What is the sigh?
Why should I care? Aren't we all gonna fry?
10:18 PM1 view
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Name: hypgnostic
Gender: Female
Member Since: 5/16/2008
- - - -
HP408 TXT 7,570 04-18-08 12:20p HP408.TXT
my xanga.com\deuda_m comment replys to her 'messages' 4-18-08
i capture all you type and
reed it at home..
but i can see (at a glance)
im missing you to much.
-
these days
we pass each other just enuff
to make hearts bleed.
-
is that tech-no world?
no wonder galeeb urges
a RET-TURN.
-
this is pain-FULL.
its not the world they said it wood be.
-
i urge all to break with it.
but since im here touching
a girl i love... and she's...
the 'only' one that has me in
'cyber-space' (or any space).
i need to pause...
-
(choke)...god! you reely do-do
all this xanga.com\hip_gnostic
for me?
im just a stupid male.
-
(shaky)
yyou rreely doo ccare.
-
i hope i can direct that-kind of
power... (for best effects)
to people\places..in time.(WOW)
you make things so beautiful...
for me.
-
its freightning what one maydn can do.
-
(im still typing without thinking)
-
you are a dream...
i wish english had a better word.
'beautiful' dosnt draw what you are to me.
infact, it sorta-of 'scribbles' up the picture.
how about... 'magical' ?
'girl-of-my-dreems' ?
how about... 'im not flirting'
i wish i wood.
you kinda-of deserve it.
-
but i dont. i report.
and then gush.
-
sometimes i even
report on a male-gush.
and why he did-so that-way.
-
im hopeless...
i try to fit all you do into a...
'progress report'
with no pause to tell you...
you are so much...more...
than that...(sob)
god! and you hate cry-babys so...
thats good.
you dont need to know why
males-cry anyway.
this male see's into the heart.
someone tawt me to do that.
else i wood demand pictures.
and somthing to lust at...
(hey thanks for that appolos-venus picture post)
i wood want only your body.
...one of those...'hump-and-dump'
relation-ships...
but you will need to teach-me that cuz...
what i see in you is sooo much gooderr.
my relation-ships are built for heart-wars.
the whole fleet gets bombed every day,
it goes on all nite...
it will go on all day!
the war for peoples
MINDS!
attention-spans,media,edu,trash-canning musick!
meanwhile...
my little-scanners go crazy over-you.
deleting all the distractions and 'noise'
and using you to do somthing beutiful.
INSTEAD.
i think girls like heart-felt things more
than boys...
i just wish i wood woory about looks...
and not the beutiful person you are
'inside' just...for.... practice sake?
i meen...how am i going to fuck my sister?
(gross)
this takes alot of 'focus'
-
im way off balance.
keep holding my hand like you do.
i go over your papers alot.
-
and...
let me qwit for now...
im not being aloud to say-type
somthing heart-felt...
nor go over-it.
-
sometimes you need to
see me do that. cuz...
males are funny to hear...
when they dont think...
.
.
.
do they think?
-
OptionsDisable Get Free Shots upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f...
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
hope. you R ok.
i want to tear into you right now.
tell you a thing or two...
about circles and being direct
or genuine
or real;
im too tired or sad or worried or confused
to say-(type)-care ...anything.
--(a)(e)iou
ps. if i ever get my breath back you had better look out
9:24 PM2 eprops1 commentemail
Friday, April 11, 2008
IOU - Letter
1.) Introduce
2.) Things I like to do
3.) What I am good at
4.) What I don't enjoy
5.) Goals for this year
["Apollo reached the tree and, still enamoured with Daphne, he mourned, as Ovid wrote in the Metamorphoses:"]
"Fairest of maidens, you are lost to me. But at least you shall be my tree. With your leaves my victors shall wreathe their brows. You shall have your part in all my triumphs. Apollo and his laurel shall be joined together wherever songs are sung and stories told."
Ovid loves Sappho
http://www.nga.gov/education/classroom/origin_myths/art_apollo.shtm
Apollo and Daphne is a baroque, life-sized marble sculpture by Italian Gian Lorenzo Bernini, housed in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. It was inspired by one of the stories included in Ovid's Metamorphoses.
9:30 PMadd epropsadd commentsemail
The Meanest, Most Average, Invisible Man I Have Never Met
(u sure know how to ignore a girl)
this is so fucking backwards
sdrawkcab gnikcuf os si siht
OR plain:
gnikcuf os
Do you wantto know what i think about you? You know, those little dark thoughts included. I like when you tell me what you really think about me. I feel more rounded. They say that something is wrong with a person that doesn't have atleast one enemy. I like it when you imply me as a whore and other derogatory terms for women; it gives me reason to do bad things to you.
Besides, just cuz you think it doesn't meen that it is true.
10:50 AMadd epropsadd commentsemail
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
he Loves me. he Loves me not.-3
9:47 PMadd epropsadd commentsemail
Saturday, April 05, 2008
The Tao of Pooh;"when my hands are not strong-enuff to...carry her to bed.(...) - (.more.) strong tribes. a church. a group. a community club. somthing to keep them together. - strong families make strong homes. - a strong home needs gods words. and ::commitment:: to bring maydn and th-boys home. - no more playing-around. we got to eat and live and work together wither we like each-other or not. - wither we got feelings or not. - (.more.) danger: sex 'is' marriage... - commitment?: stay with this person even if we dont like. we are to live together. wither love comes or goes. sound good? sounds possible. cuz then loosy-goosy can go boing-boing back to her 'problems' and thats why i love her. she reminds me how hopeless helpless and impossible all is. i love her for that. - so... deuda_m stays with males in the woods.? a simple monistic life. with rewards. th-boys dream: no girls allowed! but how did those males get together?, a brotherly order starts. with a woman. so... now im back to snow-black and 3+4 dwarves. ...im going in circles... no point.(hehe) - but somewhere in this mess of men,maidens and straw-houses is peace, and 'that' little maydn, sitting over-there content with 'her-problems': she sits there thinking:"
to speak my mind eor to not speak my mind. to think before i speak eor to not think before i speak.
when does a question become an answer.
when does saying your peace become rubbing peoples emotions.
'if' death do u-s part.
and other good stuff along those lines.
What i can do is look at you and hope that you see my eyes looking up, my chest rise, and all the color return to my face again; as you recite things that only i would expect myself to dream up. (that is the best literal term i could come up with...for Now)
I donut know how these words have such a wonderful hold on me. These ideas that my untamed heart have dreamed of and believed into existence. (kinda what it feels like)
The Unedited Alchemists Mind of Love -- i wonder if we could do that? it might be hard...i think i could do it.? i think i might like to do it? (not sex 'it', love 'it') and then...with you I mean...MayB...if we were able and didn't have canes. .. Canes are sexy too. It a natural thing baby, lighten up. The Bible aint got nuthn on me. (i'm going to play hockey in hell for that one)
i started out at 'the tao of pooh' as i quite certainly was thinking of a sexual construction of taoism. truly canut control myself. my body talks, i listen. do i jump at every reaction, no. i do not have that disease. but if i did...could you still love me?
i know folks that live in seperate houses yet still speak true to eachother. (wood that make sense?)
i believe in a matching of the spirit, mind, and body. if we live that, if we do our very best. the 'other'ness works. itself out. agh. what i mean is...care-fullness, and care-ing...REThe best thing to keep REAL-Good relationships going...good ones and bad ones.
"they" did a study on 50+ year realtionships. each copule of people (cuz they did not include plutonic or familial relations) reported "KINDNESS"/ "GENTLENESS" the number one contributing factor to lasting connection.
"so if you are nice to me, i might stick around for a while, mayB longer if I do."
--
11:08 PMadd epropsadd commentsemail
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- - - -
-
IT is Huge. Enormous. Guy-normous, Stupendous. Need I say more? You know what IM talking about. If you don't, please ask. I can add more... finess if need be.
Call me! Ms. Bias but I adore your Sight. What we have here is genious and IM all aboot "gen-ious".
You R in trouble tho. You know that...right? YouR not going to like what I have to say or what IM going to do too...YouR gonna LOVE it. Thats All there is to it.
SO if we get bored or insecure, change it. Strip...
off the layers until we like it again and then we love it. We Make love.
Easy...
Call me whatever You want just don't call me late for breakfast. I Heart Breakfast.
NOW You know.
U tell me... I May either fuck You fantastic or Make Love to You until you die. YouR CHOICE.
Reminiscent of pumps-clothed or pumps-nude. ??
Posted 3/12/2008 10:52 PM xanga.com\hip_gnostic block delete
- - - -
comment about 'edible communities' and 'G.R.U.B.'programs, start a chapter in 'your-area'
strm8 508:
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey.php
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey-01.php
this looks like the best one:
http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm
cuz maydn...
you-ARE 'the people' i will be
keeeping for a long-long time.
even if i can only carry 'YOU'...
in my heart.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete telling you 'how'
i think.
wasnt i smart move.
-
but i open everything to you.
i cant resist you no more.
if your going to hurt me...
you reeeeely will.
-
it dont matter..
i still dreeeem of you.
plenty of your words
help me do that.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:29 PM deuda_m block delete maydn... you said:
i guess i don't understand.
i think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of giving.
it hurts me to say that to you.
i want to give you everything your heart wants and needs.
i need to protect myself though...
...
oh maydn!!
my honey! that does hurt.
i will rip open my core
just once for you to let you
know 'how' i hope and think:
i wake up knowing that:
somehow i wasted today
or part of it.
i feel like i offended myself..
like when you eat somthing you
know make you feel gilty.
i deel with it cuz...
i offended myself!
its a taste of what i must
look like to son-god when
i offend him.
i use it to tell him to
remove ALL offense to him
to self and to others by
his precious healing blood.
he always is reddy to give
me what i dont earn nor deserve:
rite-standing again.
'
his spirit is now freee to help
me forgive and watch and do better.
that is a miracle.
also:
knowing he will gide me to love
what i shood say, do, type, be
is also another 'miracle'
thats what i use to make threw
times when you say
'i cant be what you want'
know that you will be,
maybe not what i planned.
but exactly what
son-god planned.
im soo happy about that.
for you.
and for me.
cuz i fear that all the time
honey. weep no more.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn...
i forgot the hug:
x - x - x
(2 hours later:)
i like you the way you are.
i stop to say that.
cuz we all go to hard with
'growing' where we want.
that i forget to say...
i have what i want.
you are just so...
x - x - x ...
(three hours later:)
beautiful.
-
you always hit the rite words...
-
even if english is...
a bit...
silly.
-
your meenz heart is alot to me.
you show that.
you know that.
-
i say: list possibilities.
cuz your rite.
protection is more important..
than me.
-\
i need you to do that.
or i loose....everything:
.
.
.
.
-YOU-
-
Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!!
i love you
.
Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread
April 18, 2008 1:47 PM
Anonymous said...
Problem:
IF
1min=1year
THEN
24sec=?
The time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more.
Again
--
and always
(i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.)
Love You Love.
you sexy beast
April 24, 2008 6:56 AM
Anonymous said...
So I threw the bell and the towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in the right season.
Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope he does that again soon.
Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a while.
--
May 21, 2008 6:53 AM
Post a Comment
About Me
Name: Arise!
View my complete profile
Previous Posts
- end of strm8 5-08
xanga messgs:
since you asked though...the "password" was a verification code that i had to type in everytime i want to be with you.
i just thought "zayon" seemed similar to zion, thought maybe the coincidence was entertaining. mayb the entertainment was simply coincidental.
i still don't understand...
why you won't call me.
alot of things.
Posted 4/18/2008 10:25
if i could se the future i wood say that we might carry this out for some time until we are bored enough to play a new game.
whatever it is that you need deer. you shall have, if by my hand.
i tell you though that time is the most precious thing that the Sun gives.
i feel blessed to be able to walk in this time...and with you... is...so much more than i ever expected.
mayb too much.
you love me
and
me love you
so peace
call me some time Big-Boy
(i'm not clear on what you want to do with this ''lock'' stuff)
i will be your friend but only if i can spank you...
in a game of...
chess--t
--
ps
i love streem 8 and what you've done with it.
feel free to weed out my non-sense. i get carried away... i_know...that's why i love this "lock"-ness. i can edit-myself.
always had a prob wit dat. free-spirit (gifted)
ret-arded
LOVE ALWAYS!
--the girl
Posted 4/19/2008 6:00 PM
i like the figure 8 concept to your building design
i want to add chicken wire and styrofoam to stabilize unique architectural forms, insulate, and recycle all that styrofoam that has no home. Recycling plants haven't found a desirable market for styrofoam...
so there. home
exception: when styrofoam breaks down it emits toxic chemicals (nox-iou-s?)
?to sleep-in?
however, barbed-chicken wire emits gross metal-detection = not earthy...doesn't blend under infra-red
and the ground-roof is worth watering for many reasons, one being: utilized space, earth-walls (similar design to pyramidal rice farms in china) excellent insulate, and if the roof starts to leak then plant some more weed.
also: When a thatched awning is placed wide out over the main structural roof it redirects runoff and wind to maintain the construct of the main barrier wall...if ridged the water can be trophed into, buckets, waterfalls, pools.
also: interior lighting can be achieved naturally by building 60 degree skylight windows in the roof. structurally supported by a large shape (4'+ in diameter) that resemblesthe bones of a cactus or might look like a tree with large slats missing vertically around the trunk.
also: structurally this shape may support wider roof tops=rooms , without having to use the full closed structure of the weight-bearing walls. This would act as a pillar and provide necessary lighting. a convex window could refract light and heat or if flipped possibly the opposite.
also: the center of this structure can be utilized as an atrium, an aviary, a pool room...open to the central interior of the structure.
yes, i get off on this too...
Underground Living \With 2 (more) Stories
Wild Monkey Love
&
Getting Back to Basics
--
Posted 4/20/2008 2:31 PM hip_gnostic block delete
please tell me where you went. (just leave a note)
if you are mad: just leave a note..."Gone Mad".
If you are sad: ":-("
If you are bored: "want to get nailed?"
If you hate me: "falsetto"
If you are confused or frustrated with me: "?????!!!"
If you feel that i have done you an injustice: "put up your dukes, let's get down to it"
If you feel over-sexed: "put your nurse's uniform back on woman!"
If you do not want to tell me where you are: "see ya later"
If you never want to talk to me again: "see ya never"
If you are just too busy: "i can't play right now. mayb later."
something, anything. my mind is making up stories and none of them are true because ... i really can't be sure.
for a hip gnostic girl, this could destroy me.
-- lov`e you, miss you, hope to see you sooner than later
Posted 5/8/2008 11:07 AM hip_gnostic block delete i apologize for not understanding how to "lock you up". i think that i can pleez you without the lock. your other friends might see though. so a direct message to you from me might be sexier than the basic made-for-tv-audience. i admit that i am having a difficult time opening up to you right now because i am uncomfortable with this internet and i am wondering what is your reason for so much secrecy. are you an ex-con? what are you hiding from? are you just a paranoid person? (opleez take no offense cuz i mean no harm) i just want to open up to you and am confused by the difficulty this is presenting. there is a reason for it. what is blocking the flow? of streem 8? what is the reason for misunderstanding?
pleez just tell me you R who I think you are and that i don't have to follow anymore rules to be with you.
pleez just give me a sign that the man behind the mask is the one i've loved all along And i can tell you that i am not "crazy!" just extremely anxiety ridden at the sad state of clinical living.
--
Posted 4/28/2008 1:17 PM hip_gnostic block delete just when i thought This Thing that we are doing here was about to get better...
down the emotional tubes.
Let's be direct. That is something that i have been trying to direct out of you for...years. now.
All joking and creativity aside;
when i ask you a question, please answer it. you really hurt my feelers when you ignore me/my thoughts and or person, or try to avoid me/my thoughts and or person.
pleez say what you are thinking. as i can nearly see the future; i cannot yet effectively read minds.
For some unearthly reason I really want to know what is in yours (mind). For God's sake just say it, it doesn't matter how stupid you think it may sound. I like to be able to feel stupid sometimes. Respectable knowledge and perfect ettiquete is retarded and over-rated and ... fake. If there could be something in this world that pisses me off, it would be "fake" anything.
As I know how insensitive and then overly-sensitive i can be, i realize that you have been wrenching your guts to say something. I realize that these notebooks and slips of paper that i have been hoarding probably could have been typed in and sent to you, thus relieving this severe anxiety that something that should have been said was not.
I'm really not afraid to say something to You??? anymore. It is what i don't say to you that i am afraid of. I wish you can see that.
All this "stuff" this "emotion" this heart-throbbing that is too overwhelming to control. This feeling that there will never be another you??? in my life, someone to understand and in return understand me, someone to connect to the Spirit with me just at a glance, someone to experience miracles with. my spirit is dieing inside, it is talking so fast yet so clear that my abilities cannot keep up and my mind now knows these things that my body cannot do. Amazing how slow this body is compared to this spirit.
damn it if i could just say all there is to say, mayb make more George Washingtons to buy that hawaiian villa, mayb put some words into your mouth (you know...the ones i think i'd like to hear), mayb if i could just swing high enough to flip over that bar just one time. damn it mayb then you'd believe....and call me on the telephone to say the things that need to be said...to make my affections worth while...and yours. i don't want to waste your time, i just want to waste some time with you.
i'm certainly not a fighter though. i gave that up some time ago. I'm all about surrender anymore. That is what has been asked of me. That is why i don't missionary, or hide, and try not to fear...much.
I love you still, though you make me cry and make my insides ache every damn day.
even if you get mad and then apologize later, i'm a very forgiving person. sometimes i don't even un-forgive when you think i should...so forgiveness is un-necessary.
honey i know i am a strange(unique) person, I'm definately an aquired taste, i take some patience and understanding and alot of open-mindedness. i'm so worth the effort though, cuz i give it all back ten-fold. and i do it on purpose. so if you still feel that love is a waste of time, then look up my sweet cuz cause it's all around you and you're wasting time.
--
Posted 4/28/2008 12:29 PM hip_gnostic block delete uuuuugggh!
to much pain you are sis.
i tell you what i will do.
xanga.com\deuda_m
will invite you to be his 'friend'
and then you can put a..
'friends-lock' on your hip_gnostic site
if thats what you reeely wanted.
so you can do to me what ever you want.
i dont trust internet 'anything'
anymore. so. no identification (please)
i got suspecious when you typed:
i hope this pass-code? gets to the rite
person (on streem-8)
i listed the possibility that
someone else must be talking to you cuz
i dont know any 'zayon' password.
nor wood i use it unless you explain
what it was ment for...
anyway...streem-8 is geeting to messy.
i reely want to do this...
i will invite you to be my friend and
you can put a 'lock' on me.
friendship is fun.
i hope i have listed the possibilities (galeeb)
use it.
but beware...we must 'never' re-veal each-other.
dont you think?
if you make a 'passage' to yourself.
im 'not' the only one who will find it.
i even think someone uses my deuda_m
so its... hopeless?
and i love you.
-
love defies gravity.
i dont like that.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:57 PM deuda_m block delete still searching for
pictures that tell you
what i dreem when i dreem
of you...(silly boy stuff)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_image_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books
did someone say honey? ...
your words are alwayd timely maydn..(honey)
ive always hated you for that.
cuz in son-god: nothing is by chance.
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey.php
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey-01.php
this looks like the best one:
http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm
cuz maydn...
you-ARE 'the people' i will be
keeeping for a long-long time.
even if i can only carry 'YOU'...
in my heart.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete
You deserve better than that!
and so do i.
Yes, my body(of type) is great and i can keep giving you that. However your "Ret-urn" is not exactly what i was hoping for. Not to say that it is hopeless. My heart, how-ever, needs more attention.
so i shut down quite abruptly to contemplate/ reflect... as i often do.
wanting......anyways(you don't wantto hear all that is inside of that)...wanting to be so honest with you. trying to remain so honest with you as this world can be deceiving and habitually-false.
i decided that realistically you probably would want nothing to do with a young woman who has no real goal in life but to live, love, and be happy. A man might need a woman to take care of him financially and to be older and wiser than something i might be able to accomlpish.....in All reality. Possibly my mood swings might be too swingy and my mind too changy and my demeanor to mean and my hilly too silly.
yep, thats what it come down/up to.
i love you and maybe you love me too but friends can love eachother. i'm not sure if friends can be lovers. i'd like to hope so. then again, what do i know?
you know, that is a good question. i will look it up and post on that later.
so when i say that i don't wantto wait around for you to go off on your boy trips without me. OR make me feel seperate from your male-parts because i am a girl/female/femfetal/wo-man. Or when i type that i need more attention than what you are accustomed to giving. OR that i am way too flaky, free-spirited, and indecisive too impress anyone...really. OR that my life-style or want-tobe lifestyle is probably not exactly what you were looking for in that perfect-lady. OR that it would be niceto for you to find someone to show the way (even though there truly is no "Way") only Some-Way (MayB G-O-D's Way?) OR that...
really really what i'm trying to say is that i think you have a plan and that you ought to follow it because it is yours. i don't have a plan. i'm not sur if i want a plan. every1 tells me i ought to have a plan. im not sur if i agree. i have goals, then i work backwards from there.
My main goal is to form a loving foundation upon which to develope a healthy family and close friendships. too simple for todays pshychological mumbo-jumbo. and womens-lib is an invention. women don't need to be liberated, we already are born that way...even if we enjoy not voting(for idiological governmental institutions) cooking and cleaning (wenches/witches work) and laying it down for our men ()
MayB you wantto discuss some complicated ideas some time with me. i might make it simple and you probably don't need that.
MayB we can be friends... For Real.
MayB in the mean-time i can keep posting to your Hope and Love to Earth. Tell me whatto do...I like it.
Posted 5/18/2008 5:02 PM hypgnostic block delete
- - - -
shood say, do, type, be
is also another 'miracle'
thats what i use to make threw
times when you say
'i cant be what you want'
know that you will be,
maybe not what i planned.
but exactly what
son-god planned.
im soo happy about that.
for you.
and for me.
cuz i fear that all the time
honey. weep no more.
-
Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn...
i forgot the hug:
x - x - x
(2 hours later:)
i like you the way you are.
i stop to say that.
cuz we all go to hard with
'growing' where we want.
that i forget to say...
i have what i want.
you are just so...
x - x - x ...
(three hours later:)
beautiful.
-
you always hit the rite words...
-
even if english is...
a bit...
silly.
-
your meenz heart is alot to me.
you show that.
you know that.
-
i say: list possibilities.
cuz your rite.
protection is more important..
than me.
-\
i need you to do that.
or i loose....everything:
.
.
.
.
-YOU-
-
Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!!
i love you
.
Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread
April 18, 2008 1:47 PM
Anonymous said...
Problem:
IF
1min=1year
THEN
24sec=?
The time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more.
Again
--
and always
(i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.)
Love You Love.
you sexy beast
April 24, 2008 6:56 AM
Anonymous said...
So I threw the bell and the towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in the right season.
Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope he does that again soon.
Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a while.
--
May 21, 2008 6:53 AM
Anonymous said...
im still pre-paring for another
8-8-08
i see hip_gnosti closed her site.
still you stand as the great-one.
=
and ye...my garden still grows..
cuz o th wrds U have typed.
-
-no end-
-
May 21, 2008 6:23 PM
CMTS7 TXT 8,290 04-18-08 2:06p CMTS7.TXT
her first original post and the latest 4-18-08 xanga.com
um... i meen...
reeeely! ?
-
Sent 3/12/2008 8:07 PM deuda_m block delete : i hope: www.galeeb.blogspot.com
this Tribal data-bank will help you farm-Rite. with 4site.
Sent 3/12/2008 8:06 PM deuda_m block delete Daize later...I finally made it. Better late than never, that's what I always say.
Through floods and snow storms and piles of dishes, I finally mayd it....here. NOW...cum over here and help me with these buttons. The ones in the middle of my back are so Hard to reach. Hurry please, I've been waiting quite some time to take these stockings off and wrap my bare legs around your waist.
Do you think these pumps go better with or without clothes?
Posted 3/11/2008 10:45 PM hip_gnostic block delete
Are you a leaf?
You do not know where I live?
Now how can I call you if you do not call me first? oh silly silly.
Can farm people live in a smaller village than what your use to and still be considered 'possible'?
Are you a patriot? Are you a patronizer?
Do you like Pina Coladas?
And getting caught in the rain?
Are you a lover of interesting facts? And do you sometimes post them in certain places for the public to read?
What color was my water gun?
What color shirt were you wearing?
...oh wait maybe you're color blind...
Are you color blind?
Will you please just answer my questions?
...oh wait maybe you don't want to answer my questions...
Is this 20 questions? Yes.
Will you please just answer my questions?
Am I asking you too many questions?
OK (statement)
Why don't you call me...friend?..on the telephone.
i'm not going to give you my phone number and i don't want to call your friends and family first about this...you call my family and talk to all of them first...before you call me. boohoowho-why God...this crazy joke on my logician? I won't play! aaha...there's the answer!
No Play!
won't play! day1..2...3....
ouch. everything hurts. like i just got nailed (to a cross tumbling into hell...and then is returned through windows {in(to)} the atmosphere.
...windows...like...microsofter-harder. oh sorry!....
no play.
i'm not a little girl...little girls grow up...if they are lucky! And happy to be so.
I still do not like you! i love you though.
I had a great dad growing up; and i learned that if men could be that cool and wonderful and kind...then maybe growing up to be a woman wouldn't be so bad and mayB i could be friends with boys too...cause i could beat em thumbs down on a thumb wrestle...and i learned to play cards until dawn with a deck of 51...now...uhhhm
Now donut tell me theres nothin to do.
damn! playing again. i actually TRY to play more often than I really should...
you, you...helped me realize this. thx!
NO Play!
there's only one person that knows my identity...
my true identity...
and that's BatMan!
So for scared-out-of-my-flickin... ummm...not flickin...cause i wouldn't want to offend my amish side
I wantto 'open' a door for you also. Invite you into my home. A chance to know me...what my agricultural practices R. What my family has survived with and brought forth bountiful life with. What nature I commune with. I am a free range hen if you will. Chicken? Yes. Free range? YES! How can you catch the wind? In your windbags of course?
Are you a clovers or moss type?
And and maybe i wantto know about you. ALOT! but not like normal stuff...that too...only
LOOK...an owl...its getting later than you think...
i wantto be real with you...no/yes, I mean it!
I wantto be REAL. i have very 'exclusive relationships' with people... men, women, animals (cause animals are people too.) plants ( yeup... people 2)
yah...rocks...a very extended liniage in rocks.
Sorry if i trip you out and make you listen to Straw-berry Shortie Cakes songs. You got issues though Deud. red headed issues brother. ha. that sounds funny as ... oh brother. yah, i like this.
I'm not russian or anything.
so as far as jumping into my religious stuf i would kindly request that you have understanding in the "L" and allow me to worship in whatever way i feel i am being called.
that word keeps arising. hm.
right now i have alot of work to do. i work work doing tasks that i know i belong at because i am there.
i want my own farm. i want to be able to balance conventional society with sustainable lifestyles. It is important. It will make my children stronger.
I have a chance at it. I see opportunity every where I look. My mind is not set. on location.
I like to stay a while; 10 years to pay of a loan maybe.
lots of opportunities.
Lots
the american dream!
that also includes South America and Canada.
So if i run out far enuf into the land and stick a flag in my ground and tame it MayB.
Then can i be a farmer and an accountant?
I heart math!
So the math says go to bed, queeny. and i thumb my nose at the queen too. cuz she's not the boss! I am.
So we can play until you really want to be real with me.
I mean it.. just be real.
you are who you are. or aren't you?
"philosphy is a walk on the slippery rocks" --EBrickell
...i wantto go on in my head with "just stay off the computer and leave this 'scary obtusocity' be."
but i won't type it unless i think you'd wantto know whats going on in my head. big-little girls are funny like that.
yah really i wanto put a man inside this body of type and not an electrical...well...device.
zzz
one thing i've learned from living in the cities is to judge a man by his content. and getto know a person's face rather than their words. study their smile not their daily religious clothing. and if you want to have a friend be a friend. and if you can handle a person's worst you can mayB be friends for a while, mayB longer...
yep, one thing I've learned.
oh my back hurts from typing my lil heart out till the cows come home and getting rode so hard my skin is red and ...throwing cow bell (scene one)
goodnight sweet prince, you are too kind to be a king and too good to be a knight.
So good knight sweet prince. Till you rule my heart again.
...and i learn to play more. cuz that was fun.
1212--by the rules...no play and sleep for atleast 5 hours.
always breakin the damn rules.
i think i'm too blasphemous for a mainstream religious community. i'm affiliated with all of them in one way or another. I get out there. I put myself out there to do spiritual work that the Great Spirit requests. I take a very wide range of requests. Everyday all day 24-7. Therefore I meet a very large range of people. In my line of 'work'. The Great Spirit created taxes too. and numbers and fake dollars that control fake ideas that supply fake food to fake communities that need to eat too. Cause they are very very real.
oh wait,,,you almost got me again...
no play.
except for the kind I'm thinking of and well,,,
I'm really...not...playing.
--OX
Posted 4/3/2008 12:33 AM hip_gnostic block delete
and the white-stone
still Hangs true.
to you.
-
wither you
start somthing new '8'
or not.
.
Sent 4/2/2008 10:27 PM deuda_m block delete your just my heart-parts too.
-
i know.
i knew.
.
Sent 4/2/2008 10:29 PM deuda_m block delete your aweful lots to me.
-
.
Sent 4/2/2008 10:27 PM deuda_m block delete i just got all your messages and red them.
i reeely want to give
'my' phone number -NOW-.
to talk. just talk.
pleez connect with
area-mennonites.
you burnt an '8' on your leg.???
to hear you went one time.
to any 'church' local.
baptist christian community
anything...(.in that order.)
wood make me feel more redy.
i just need a clue your all-rite.
i hope moving to your xanga is
a good step.
i almost didnt go to galeeb.
i feel you want me closer.
but i posted hip-g408 at both places
just in case.
i want to stay here now.
no more streem-8.
just you.
-
stop to read some www.chick.com
chick tracks by jack t.? chick
i heart his comic?publication
very much.
-
you are precious to me.
-
do you....
do you know that?
.
.
home is where the heart is.
.
.
keep breething sis'.
-
Sent 4/2/2008 10:26 PM deuda_m block delete
lovd1208.txt - - - - v12-17-08 'loving'her..is not.'in-love'with her.
this topic was 'so' important.
to add to Streem-8
xanga.com\gxnealmxnds
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
you found me.
lost and insecure.
I think I've quoted early from the-dance many times, and i'm going to again.
I read in early from the-dance, a brilliant book, about the differences of being in love, and simply 'loving.'
It said you can love someone, and not be in love with them. But still can bank of falling in love with them. It talked a lot about a girl who was beautiful, popular, and smart. She had a tough guy boyfriend until another guy tried to win her over.
my comment:
i think eye get-it now.
eye con-fuzed
'loving' someone.
with being 'in-love'.?
'
the difference.?
do you feel it?..!
'LOVING'someone..is not.
'IN-LOVE'with someone.
example:
'loving' someone SEEKs only
whats best for that person.
it allows his\her free-will.
but when 'in-love' you are
self-seeking.soul-mating.
::here are clues::
it wants to touch and kiss.
it says your 'Mine' only.
it says 'eye will Kill you
Or Myself if you leave me.'
i see my wrong
eye was mixing the two
without knowing it.!
it made friendships hard.
it made me afraid.
it made me alone.
everyone else is getting
'hit' by it too.!
by books.songs.movies
emotion.lust.pride.
confusion...for-profit.
...
but a heart-keeper wants
to Build a fortress where
hearts can get-away from
these 'bombs' and have
a shelter where emotions
and love can grow.safe.
better-known as a 'HOME'.
...
once home is made-safe.
being 'in-love' has a
better purpose.
and perfect-love
casts-out fear!
but out-side the home...
Lust can quickly destroy
hearts and lives.
to build-up?
to break-down?
what person and story
will 'YoU' bee?
this year.
(.end of comment.)
note...do you know?
some guys try to 'win'
a girl just cuz they
are bored? then they
'drop' her the moment
they get 'bored' again.
WTF? are we just 'kids'
playing with valuables.?
these-hearts are here!
for a 'higher' purpose.
(.more.)
Emotions must...
not be followed.
but questioned.
not expressed..
but corrected.
not trusted.
but gided.
why?...cuz they are
always...changing!...
not good for building
home-nor-heart upon.
your heart and soul
is your:
mind(reason)
will(spirit)
emotions(feelings)
th-Mind MUST be fed
gods-words (Bible)
or it is lost without
its Design-neer.
th-Will soon follows.
(.a heart to obey.)
emotions can too!
and be comforted
but often run way-off.
its best to be
hiding around where
families meet.
it offers
emotional-support.
its a safety that
'lover'and'friend'
can-not.give.
i wood not want you
emotionaly-dependent.
on any-one person.
thats hard cuz...
something in me...WANTs
to be 'in-love'...Or
REmember-a-day eye was.
...nobody was hurt?
maydn was 'hurt'...
'love' made it heal.
she smiled again.
when all-else fails...
God is Good!...
Trials make us better.
ASK:whats god telling me?
someone is lost and
needs to know-you better.
you are using my problems
to open the way!
Jesu clean and gide me!
iz what matters.
jesu makes Day brite.
and nite rite.
- -
(.next comment.)
boyfriend-girlfriend
dosnt work.
its giving body and
emotions to someone who
may not be 'the One'
your are tampering with
your soul(one) and sex.
a heart-keeper wood
shreek! at-this..cuz.of
the cost it carries.
dating...is actually...
divorce-practice.
foolish-wasted-efforts.
solution:
think like a child:
draw a setting you-yourself
wood like to grow-up in.
then go adopt a mate.
i wood 'not' want my
parents 'throwing' out
their body and emotions
to anybody!
...without first
having a place ready...
for me...and themselves...
and any un-expected kids
who mite drop in...
i meen:i want to say:
we prepared a loving place
for you. You wrnt just
a-sort-of 'ooops' we had.
note: SEX..'IS'..marriage.
- -
theres nothing wrong with
being-inmature, un-ready.
pre-pair-ing each-other and
Waiting for a better-time
is much better than
wrong-ing each-other.
wrong-ing lives for all-time.
cuz being 'in-love'
'marks' you permanently.
so-be-prepared. or drop-it.
your 'better' without it!
you gobbled-up your time.
ruined your spirit.
changed your character.
lost your mind-will-emotions.
lost your drive for beauty.
the 'inner-beauty' childhood
had.
- -
will a girl get pregnant just
cuz her happy-friend did?
...the smile is 'fake'
ask her!
a single-parent life-style.
is a living-Hell.
- -
(.more.)
one in five people have
herpes-disease. no-cure.
only a burning-itch that
is passed-on to all who
touch you...
- -
(.next comment.)
rite-around christmas.
mother-child-father
concepts come back.
re-mind-ing ME...?
to re-set real values
back!
re-member what 'family'is.
what? shood direct me ALL year.
(.more.)
to capture what
i was thinking. i needed to
spend-time with people who
live-different.
Read a book or 'Go' to them.
www.galeeb.blogspot.com\people
the library had audio-books.
eye got 'the Handmaid and the
Carpenter' By Elizabeth Berg.
it reely touched my situation
as a man. what to live for.
and how to die.
i wanted it to be my focus
for the rest of my life!
it pictured love and duty
in a way i cood live it
myself.
(.more.) also...
eye got 'Mary of Nazareth'
By Marek Halter.
it was adventurous...
it questioned violence..
it mis-used 'education'
...many in-sites.
the mary-gospel was clever
eye sensed no evil till
the part where they said
Jesu died-not. but was druged.
- -
How can two Authors
take the same MARY-story
and have totaly differnt
intentions...?
the first gave me a focus.
how to treat-others i adore.
the secound almost made me
loose faith-in-christ...
the only one that cood
save my soul.
both were from:
www.library.booksontape.com
1-800-733-3000
or Write:
Books On TApe.
400 Hahn Road
Westminster,MD.21157
- -
(.next comment.)
of years end-
please notice this:
Aztec.chinese..And
gregorian calendars
ALL.'End'on
december 21.2012!
but of the kingdom of
our Lord:A.d. there shall
be....no end.
- -
A.fter.D.eath
how ready are you?
do you remember-a-day
you trusted christ as
YOUR save-er? trusting
him alone? not more.?
do you live and invest
in things that matter.
A.fter.D.eath?
think ahead.
one-day a week when
no-one keeps-you-busy!
i meen 'no-one'
to-busy-to-think!
(.most people are.)
is very foolish.
if this-life is just an
xfer-point..(.time.)
than what matters.??
...pleasure?
...work-aholics?
...peace with god.?
choose wise-ly.
(.next comment.)
war always follows
a-depressions.
spending money.(paper)
with no-value.
solution:
start your-own 'bank.'
backed by items food?
each paper backed by
real-goods.gold?
not Air! (.Today.)
Boom! colapse.blood.violence.
is that home?
Banks plan it that way.
'deepens' new-world-orders.
does 'Your' garden grow?
if you 'Hear-me-nothing.'
at-leest pledge this year:
to...
::::Local-ize Every-thing::::
LOCALIZE!
(let that be your motto)
Listen! you wont be sorry.
nor anyone who copies you.
find local-made foods?
local-made materials?
copy it.! copy it!.
(.next comment.)
(.other topic.)
for those who think the
universe explodes from a
black-hole,then returns.
you may be-rite.
but where did it come from?
you meen it always was
it made itself?
you worship the creation.
not the creatOR.
time-space-matter.
'cant' evolve.
drdino.com has offered
$250,000 for 10 years
to anyone with 'proof'
of evolution...and...
no one has answered!
that is...freeky...
someone is fooling alot
of people...
and getting paid.
is evolution important?
YES!
1.it teaches kids that
there-is-no-right-and-wrong.
ask your-self...if evol is true.
if there is no god...how do you
tell rite from wrong?
its a simple question.
but now no one can answer.
...making us all animals.
2.It also teaches you can
Kill millions of people cuz
of 'inferior' races.
Darwins book 'orgin of species'
was very racial.
3.it was Adolf Hitlers relegion.
Communists teach it to kids
cuz it helps democracy become
a dictatorship.
communism wood not work...
without the theory of
evolution.
4.it removes god!
people have rites from
government only.
they are no longer 'endowed'
with rites from their creator.
no longer 'created'equal.
5.we now pledge alegance to
the democ. not the republic
for which truth stood.
big-problems.
(.next comment.)
what if time switches off?
and soon! A.D. 2012.
You were created to give
HIM glory...
thats your heiritage.
like it or not.
and later will be to-late.
for once upon a time...
there was a time...
when there was no time..
and time shall be no more.
the chance to escape debts.
will end.
- -
do you know god 'hates'
divorce? i found lots of
stuff god 'hates'...and
(.Listen.)
you dont want to WEAR...
any of it...
do you...
want me..?..to wear
somthing you hate?
what if eye NEVER took
it off.? wood you still
love me4me?
..or just what i Wear?
Hate is nothing till you
yourself hold it.
suddenly you dont want
to wear any-thing that
causes one you love...to
HATE...
and especially if it
causes ONE who
loves you...to Hate.
...so...dont divorce...
dont 'drop' girls...
dont 'win' boys...
cuz you Will Wear-it!
till time ends.
- -
win a friend...not a mate.
love them. do-not hurt the
soul. nor break the heart...
nor dis-ease their body.
nor touch them in a way
that awakes...passions.
.passions for sex...songs
and foods and writings...
that wood leed to harm.
but instead 'do-awake'
passions for friendship...
a friend loveth...
at all times...
lust.greed.divorce.
pride.'experiments'..and
'practice' with mating.
will Harm you and the one
you loved...(.scars.)
a 'friend' loveth at ALL
times...and leeds
to the 'Re-lationship'
maydn has bin dreaming-about.
your heart and soul
needs it!...
do-not say:
'friendship' is for
loo-zers who cant get intimate.
(.Popular-music.)
why do they say that?
...NO!
'friendship' is itself 'beautiful'
and costly.
and everything god wanted man to
be and live and love.
...marriage on the other-hand...
is a love'im-learning'to keep...
for marriage...
?? how2 'identify' and
'Avoid' such affections...
if you dont know them:???
find:heart-keeepers..
(.masters.of.true-love.)
persons who got hurt?
Thank-you maydn for helping
me find-out these things...
(.heart-hurting.)
you keep 'topics' way-Alive!
eye hope its 'healing'
for both you and me.
passions that 'Awoke' the study.
Namely..Your beauty, and words.
- -
(.more.) i want you to know
i lived a wonder-FuLL life
without T.V. Radio. Tapes.
computers...2006+7 visions.
you need not wait for an
Amish MAN to tell you how
rich and 'helpful' it is.
eye tell you Now.
eye dont trust 'Gypsies'
but eye get the idea...
(.more.)
i want more of 6+7
but 'YOU' made 2008 GREAT.
an experience eye lacked.
and you were there to
provide it.....wow...weee!
eye got me 'my' education
from a beautiful maiden...
and eye will always hold it.
'hide' it. treasure it. in
all eye do...thinking of you.
you won the boys heart...
and i guess thats all
that mattered.
do not let emotion.tradition.
or even Reason. keep you
from doing what gods word says.
all my heart
all my soul...
Your friend?
...deudam.
(.note.)
everything here is coverd
in Snow!...
everything becomes...
Purrtee!
if we are patient enuff..
to remember.
(.note.)
ONE-LOOK at somthing sexy
can make you 'FaLL'...
Protect your-mind with
Bible-verses and promises.
the mind and emotions ARE
very important to a Keeper.
The one you feed the most..
is the one...
strongest the most...
so feed youR mind and
emotions good things...
BEE-AWARE! working
somewhere were the music
is 'giding' you...
if it feeds your..
sex-drive...than..
::::LEEVE THE AREA::::
your heart is of more
worth than whatever you
were getting paid.
protect YouR emo+heart.
if others want to trash
themselves with junk...
thats their heart. not yours.
inner-beauty is very important
to me...keep your thots nice
inside you. for me.for god.
for the temple you and god
must live in.. together....
that is...i meen...your body.
beautiful.
- -
(.more.)
th-father heart-part
got a chance to type\speak.
ummm...sometimes?
it seems so cuz this post
had very little lion-shit onit.
im so sorry maydn.
eye dont want to loose-you for
somthhing eye said!
forgive my notty-kitty letters.
forgive my-heart-parts.
eye know you do!...
that makes me smile..
relax...leeve heart-parts...
wide open for you.
you wont hurt them.
you dont laff at them.
you cover them...
add touches to them...
so eye feel...
.loved...
.as eye-do-you!
.your smiles say eye do.
.your words...tho few.
.yellow-bird sings alot!.
.white-girl chirps
just few..
she is more 'action' than words.
she keeps HIM happy.
...and..
if ever eye wood cover
maydns heart-parts
eye..wood cover them with
feathers and
soft-sweet-chirps of:
::::Maydn?mm.Im.inLOVE.With.YOU.::::
(.fffff.)
eye.hold those chirps.
.for you.
...so let it Snow!.
- -
(.next comment.)
(.next topic.)
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- -
(.next comment.)
(.Day.Two.)
dont want my advice.??
eye dont want it too!.
eye want kinky-music and
emo-pictures...but.
i do-nut belong to me.
i belong to you.now.(jesu)
the things you want 'ME'
to be a heart-part of..
..BOOM! Lust.Looks.
glamour.new-shows.
sounds.temptations.
i want it ALL!
but 'less is more.'
cuz its 'you' eye give
my heart to.
(.xfer paused.)
lost in the mail?
.(.thanks for trying to give me
your heart threw the Mail..!
it got to me wither i found
the 'token-of-affection' or NOT!..).
thank-you maiden for
sending me your heart.
- -
(.sob.)
eye hold its life in my hands.
and eye do so-so-do!-so.
love it dear-ly.(.lip-kiss.)
as you see always!
deepest-passions for it...
i send your-heart down
to parts where steem-ee
woo-rds come from:
the heart eye have for you!
where both will join..
.safely.and in-love.
(.forbidden love for you.)
(.xfer continued.)
...the noise of war.! who-what
will 'win' my attention-span.
..BOOM! the loud-crys call me.
eye lust for all their offers...
and the cry gets louder.
the more eye say 'NO'.
but better is the sorrow NOW.
than bitterness of 'giving-in'
when temptations have won.
...no!
Have Peace with God!
no matter what you think of
yourself.
...
the things 'He' wants Running
threw you.
- -
(.more.)
a friend is one you can 'pour'
your heart out to. and she
will keep the best and blow
the rest (gently) away.
also note:those are sheaves?
shuks?.shafts? of wheat.grain.
you can peel back the sheeves
and play with the balls...
(.yikes!.um..imeen kernels..
umm? oh 'nuts.')
!??
(.skippy it.)
um.o.k! so eye love fur-tile!
(.the ability to pleasurize.)
i cant help it! and eye got maydn.
forget old-folks.shamefull-looks.
just .sting.me.like you promised.
let it go...youth soon passes.
(.end of lion-complaints.)
eye have noted: you can study and
be very-good at 'keeping' the mind
(.where real battle is.)
but your body has passions no matter
who-you-are...seduce..misgide..lust.
the results can be horrible.
god promises a new-body.
old will change.
suddenly! like wheat.
out of the ground.
what died and was buried.
will be some thing...
totaly-new...eternal.(no.die.)
this too can be horrible..if your
not-red-ee.
- -
My most valued deepest treasure
is a simple Prayer! Jesu clean me.
so you are free to gide me.
to the very-things you-want me
to PAY attention to...NOW.
and buzz-bee-a-part-of.
someone needs help with...
rite-standing.
(peace with god)
and rite-stepping.
(local-food)
Today...so...let it be me.
The prayer i hold deer is:
jesu! clean! and gide.
- -
cuz you made me...for yourself.
to be ready.
-no end-
- -
(.next comment.)
(.Day Three.)
Snow lepords!...
they mark their territory.
to keep peace with other
males...but the same marks
attract females..(.boing!.)
....
a hopeful note to all males:
that if they stay with
what-ever interest them..
and make room for themselves.
in that field buisness.xfrs.
...
the correct female will come.
you see? she comes with the
territory...! you do-NOT go
'Looking' for a Mate!...
the rite one comes as you
follow your own interests...
if your always 'looking'
mate-hunting.? it will soon
be clear you have no meenz.
cuz your eyes are on Her.
when she needs your eyes...
on the meenz...not her..
...
(.more.)
eye do get home-sick
(.meening-unknown.)
for Her...um?..eye dont know
what that meenz so..eye
try not to think about it.
(.to have.her.company.)
(.her.voice.at.story-time.
always is restful 'on-me')
some times eye
feel like calling-her...
but its not time...so..
eye ignore hurt..
maybe read HER-works...
to find re-leef.and a nice
big heart-'.boing.'
(.she is good at that.)
i want to say...'grief'..
but not-having her wood be
much worse...a-part of me
i wood miss and not be
able to express.
your my helper maydn...
any affections directed
to local-girls wood
have a hazardous effect.
im not ready for that...
.eye..just need your
emotional heart-tugs...
eye doubt she knows what
to do...she just bee's
her-self and it make me
so-happy.(.sigh.)
(.smile.)
(.flower.)
(.kiss on cheek.)
i like her lots...(.boing.)
anyway....good-night girl.
good-night girl of my dreems.
my-dreems..eye-dreem cuz
they make me...me...
and then you enter them..
(.boing.) and add touch.
(.boing.boing.) and then
dreems come true.
Romantic...um..
but thats o.k....eye like dreems
that come with you!
part-of me dosnst like it.
but eye watch the birds...
and know whats true...eye wood
just look silly..now.
without you.
and eye do! (.boo-hoo.)
eye do.
....(.burp.)
i think eye will just stik
my foot in my beak and
not worry about it...
maybe 'pek' at the pretty
bird in the mirror till
eye loose my chirp...
(.burp.)
::singing my favorite 'tweets'::
things eye learned from
spending-times with You.
filling the trees with...
silly-songs that still say..
::::.maydn.I.Love.YOU.::::
chirp.chirp.burp.
-no end-
hip1108p.txt - - - - v12-23-08 collection of
hipgnostic for print read12me.txt - - - - v12-23-08 capture of
xanga.com\hip_gnostic girl messages to deuda_m and re-chat.blogspot 3-12
to 5-18 known: she posted on steem-8 1-?-08 then messages to deuda_m 3-12
as hip_gnostic then 5-18 as hypgnostic then phone calls 7-08 then by mail
+ calls 11?-08 this study focusus on the deleted blog 'hip_gnostic' to
condense.print.post at streem-8 hypgnostic is still open to ??3sp deuda_m
only this site shut-down: Name: hip_gnostic Member Since: 3/11/2008 she
may have bin posting year-before on streem-8 self-destruct? as
kjsisterxxxxxxlea since 2006 -end of history- files in focus: (from dos5)
2gnost8: 4-18.4-24.5-21 cmts2: 4-2. cmts7:3-11.3-12.4-3.4-2
g-nos:4-18to5-21.5-18 g-nos2:4-28.5-8.4-18.4-14 hg1:3-31,30,29,26!
hip2:3-12 hip_g:3-26,25,24! hp408:4-18?.4-16.4-11.4-8.4-5
hyp1bb:8-13,9,6,3.7-28,22!,20,16!,15!,8,7,6.6-29,28!,26,23
s8-408c:4-2.!,18 song508p:may-copy of scripturesongs-cd-rw for
print2help-mem. strm8:her first response to femn1208...my response
was:maydn108 xcmts:3-12.4-2.3-27!,3-26! see also:win95/3-08 to 5-08
include best-of hypgnostic? 6-06\soso2.txt,7-22! see
also:11-08/17/zip-fix (.more.) also by maydn:
food-psv:food-preserving.vaporizer mayd-gmo: gov? seed-svr: seed-saver
catalogs re-mayd:responses to maydn-grama108 rubr sex:jess blogc re-mayd
-end- - - - - - 6-06\soso2.txt Thursday, June 19, 2008 sexy-man @ re-tribe
says: "um,, you need to make a list of things you want your male to do to
you... for a day... or..um...er.. for a night. stuff you want him to
always do to you. even if he must act-it-out.. for a day..." uncommon to
some women- i donut particularly enjoy talking about "relationships". you
either do-it well or you don't. a relationship you have to constantly
"work" at is not something you want to come home to and relax with.
blablabla. {many thanks to cut-and-paste and Hallmark for simple
sentiments made...ummm. simpler.} Inside, you will learn... How to
approach any woman without fear ... and get her number! Killer pick up
lines if you don't know what to say How to tell ... if your girl wants to
be kissed The most powerful attraction and seduction techniques A
step-by-step plan to get that woman you have feelings for! How to
successfully get a date with a model or a hottie Where to take women on
dates without having to pay a dime. Seduction secrets that will make women
melt in your hands A guaranteed way to get a girlfriend in the next 7
days! The biggest mistakes YOU make when it comes to women and dating Some
men are lucky enough to meet a sexy, free-spirited woman who throws all
inhibitions to the wind and invites them to discover all the secrets of
her sex... as she shows them everything and helps them reach incredible
new heights of pure, unbelievably intense sexual pleasure... Most men
would be fortunate to meet just one woman like this. These women shared
their inner-most thoughts about their bodies and their minds... and
revealed their most private sexual pleasures! Get ready to begin your
journey into the minds of these uninhibited, soul-baring women... So,
women are very humble, they are full of love and they want nothing more
than to see their beloved happy and successful, women nurture
spontaneously, they are responsible by instinct, they forget hardships by
nature and the only thing that really matters is that they have done a
good job. This is the Egyptian woman, very easy to please, very giving
even if she had no one to take care of her or appreciate her; she still
has the desire to give continuously and endlessly. So, I dont think men
should be confused about how to please the women in their lives. They just
have to learn to tune in, once a day, once a week or even once a month,
this makes us recharge our batteries, dig up a new strength and move the
world. So, be it a long stemmed red rose, a message or phone call during
the day, or a hug at the end of the day, we really need it and really
appreciate it because it means we really matter to someone out there.
Women want it all or none of it. They want to be understood but not
type-cast; they want to be happy but allowed to be sad; they want
companionship but dont need someone to be happy; thoy want honesty but
seldom the truth; they want equality while being placed on a pedestal and
most of all they want respect. Respect for who they are, where theyve come
from and where they are going. Dont pity them, coddle them or treat them
with kid gloves. Todays woman is a woman of diversity and contradictions.
What she wants today is not what she will want tomorrow because she is
setting new goals. Why men cant figure women out is because they are a
masterpiece in progress. A woman doesnt grow old; she just gets better.
Wonder why you cant put lightning in a bottle? Because it just moves too
quick. If we are to keep up there are a few keys to our survival. Number
one, listen. Number two, listen. Number three, listen. See a pattern here?
We men do a lot of hearing and not enough listening. Want to stay out of
trouble? Listen. Want to be the man of the house? Listen. Want todhave a
long loving relationship? Listen. My God, listen till the blood drips from
your ears; listen till you want to scream out a solution; listen until she
has nothing left to say and when shes done, shut up and listen some more.
Women are the caregivers and if you want her to give, youd better do some
caring. Number four, hug her. Hug her in the morning, hug her before you
leave to work, e-mail her a hug and hug her ten times when you get home. A
woman is a fire. Want to keep her burning? You have to fan the flames. You
do that with hugs. Number five, dont lie. Dont white lie, dont sugar coat
the truth, tell it like it is. A woman can forgive a lot of things but she
wont put up with a snake in the grass liar. If you screw up, lost your
Christmas bonus at the track, forgot to take out the trash, catches you
staring at another woman, give it up, take your licks and move on. I
repeat, a woman can forgive anything, but she will not allow herself to be
disrespected. Lie to a woman you are dissing her. Tell the truth, you live
to play another day. Six, structure. Every woman I talked to listed
structure in their top three needs. A woman wants stability, balance, a
sense of order. She wants someone she can rely on. You say youre going to
be home at 6:00, you be home at 6:00. Running late? Call. The hardest
thing for us guys is to differenciate between support and total control.
Creating a foundation and stability doesnt mean trying to solve all the
problems to the point you disempower the one you love. Your love is not a
crutch but a bond. A bond where dependability is synonymous with trust.
Seven, love them. Love them most of all. Let it all out. Let it all out
every day, every minute of every second of every day. Be love, crawl up
inside of it and approach every problem with the question what would love
do now? If you do this, fear will never enter your life. What do women
want? They just want to be happy like us. They just have a different way
to show it. If you learn their language, listen when youd rather speak,
hug instead of just walking away, tell the truth till it hurts, be a man
she can depend on and love her like you love yourself. Youll no longer ask
what women want, theyll be asking you what you want and give it to you.
?So PLEASE don't present polygamy as merely a man's excuse to get multiply
laid! It was a God-send to many women too; who insist on a rich man (even
a shared one) or no man at all. *instead look for deep partnership, want a
best friend, a playmate, a partner in their mate. Rather than needing to
be with a man, many women are just fine being single and being their own
great company. But when in a relationship, women want companionship, and
they want the man to want that companionship and seek it out. Women want
men who will stay in the relationship when the going gets tough, and will
apply all necessary resources and tools to try to help the relationship
work. Women want fun, playful, creative, passionate men. Women want a man
ho enjoys what life has to offer. They want a man who knows how to play,
who is not afraid to make a fool of himself, who lives his passions. They
want a man of creative, intellectual, playful substance. -NOW- I have
gotten through all the generic cut and paste: the next task would be ...
what does THIS woman want? a number of people that i have polled state
that, "some day they want to get married". "Married" is the ultimate
goal? ex: "so, i really love my boyfriend and he treats me well and we
have alot of fun together. but... if i can't see us ever getting married
then maybe i'm wasting my time." [insert scream of aggrivation] In my
opinion: anybody looking to get married is insane. Yeup, you heard it...
c-r-a-z-y! Oh ya, like i want to force myself (as much as possible) to
live with one person for the rest of what 70 years. mayb it'll work
out...but if it doesn't...oh well, we gave it a try. hopefully we Never
fight and things will Always stay the same for us. yah!? The only people
who should get married are those that have to! because they get knocked-up
and they'll be culturally disowned if they don't OR Jesus himself descends
from Heaven with angels and great, mystical music to announce that Mr and
Mrs. So-And-So should enter into vows of holy matrimony. Otherwise, people
should remain "friends" or "life-partners". Hopefully one can find both.
Soooo. do I want to get married? sure. if I am blessed. otherwise i'd like
to hang-out with someOne who enjoys my company, treats me like a queen,
plays with me in the mud, and.... likes to wash dishes sometimes. What do
i want My Man to do? whatever he likes/loves to do. be happy. see me/call
me/hold me as often as possible. talk to me just to trade sexy-voice
frequencies. kiss me All the time (especially before bed). be encouraging.
play with my toes (howd you know?). ask me what 'm thinking. tell me what
he's thinking. open doors. spank my bottom when i'm really really good. be
sporty. clean up after himself. turn his own socks right-side-out. ...and
sexy-stuff: that iam sensored from saying until i get further permission
or the courage to send an anonymous letter. hopefully this pleezes you,
cuz it took some effort. (from this-girl) now, my next task... Founding
Fathers Begin: "I have a dream" , "Give me liberty or give me death" , "To
be, or not to be." ,,, -- ox o x 2:43 PMMYSTERYyou want a mystery, don't
you Mr. Sweets? if its a mystery you want. then a mystery you shall have!
I have fuzzy ESPN so mysteries tend to get boring quick. by-george...i do
believe you love mystery. you reference to that often so i suppose i ought
give attention to what you reference to for this once. step one sleuth: be
very observant, always keep a keen eye for detail and common and/or
unusual appearances. step two sleuth: research research research and then
resource the research. step three sleuth: always always always follow
gut-instinct. step four sleuth: never be observed observing, unless of
course you want to be. Notice eye-contact. step five sleuth: be a very
very good climber and jumper step six sleuth: record, document, and then
record your documents and document your recordings. step seven sleuth:
learn to be right and wrong for fun. step eight sleuth: note that any
mystery is worth solving. Now, that i put that together... you won't know
when and you won't know where (thats how all good mysteries begin) but
you're gonna get a mysterious chance to change your very own Life for the
greater-good. (sounds like a redundant fortune cookie. right?) Who, What,
When, Where, Why, How. and How-come? you see, i can orchestrate this and
it cood be fantastic. however, i like to run things a little more
naturally...have fun with it too. you know. see what happens. though i
already know The End. only, (a be-ware sign) ,k ep your back to someone
elses cuz if we feel alone for even one minute... RoarrUuummmmm!...belly
of the beast. to never be scene again. 12:56 PM AND
http://www.cropcircleconnector.com/interface2005.htm 1:25 AMTuesday, June
17, 2008 O"how will i ever tend the farm? when all i want to do is keep my
arm around you. yes you!" X Here I am again. waiting for you. i guess i
found some time. it was in my pocket. kind of convenient. i guess. i
decided to lock this 'hypgnosis' up only for you and me. now i know you
may not come evry day and tend to me as i wood love to see you do. and you
mayB come bored and ret-urn less and less often. you cood even decide that
im not the one and only girl in the whole wide universe made especially
just for you. for some unearthly reason i have accepted this. iam,
however, in a big hurry. i want it all Now. "they" say its a generational
thing. i think everything in life has many levels; including simple
sayings and standardized testing. Now, whenever we are able to lay down
arms...(we've been hugging an awfull lot)... and mayb just
bee-together...for fun; mayb this back'n'forth humping cood beecum fun
again. for me. what about you? i wood do it every night if i cood. every
day too if i am able to find a way. [insert drama for apology and make-up
process purposes] i have serious jealousy issues. don't be surprised if i
shut this bitch down again because I know you now have another
site...where you "subscribe" to other females. yah, i know, not your
problem. jealousy is a huge problem for me. especially when it cums to
MINE.! this holds me back. it keeps me lonely. when its just me, then
everything can be MINE and i donut even have to feel guilty about it. so
there. Will You Be Mine. (trick question to liven up the place)? [insert]
and im beginning to believe that you don't really want to hear any of
this no-sense from me. that you'd rather stimulate my sensibility and "get
her out of the bedroom". i want you to know that i do hear that stuff. i
appreciate it too. its nice to leave the bedroom once in awhile, sure. but
ive heard that that's when you know the honeymoon is over. so i say,
"bring the bedroom outdoors!". Really, there is Much-More to...me ( than
upside-down tricks and storm-riding? ...shsha right...like there cood be
more than that! ) --you know this-- ummm...only...where do i put it? 4:04
PMSunday, June 15, 2008 oh honey, come quick! look at my body. what is
happening to it? i have thousands of bite marks running up and down my
arms and neck and back and... my breasts...and my nipples are being chewed
on provocatively. ?? what do i do? i cannut get the feeling of you out of
me today. really, please, this is not funny. ooww, i cannut take it no
more! your hands all wrapped up in my hair and then on my waist with your
finger tips pressing into me. biteing on my stomach is making my legs numb
and i i'm feeling a little dizzy. yes, that's just right. right there, you
feel sooo good with your breath hot on my bottom lip. uhhh if that tongue
touches mine... oh i can only imagine what's going to happen. please my
sweet, you've been making my skin burn from the inside since i had my
first waking thought this morning. oh oh ah fuck. what am i gonna do? this
is too much. i'm scared. am i gonna die? i've never felt like this
before! -- xo 5:11 PMFriday, June 13, 2008 - - - - 2gnost8.txt shood say,
do, type, be is also another 'miracle' thats what i use to make threw
times when you say 'i cant be what you want' know that you will be, maybe
not what i planned. but exactly what son-god planned. im soo happy about
that. for you. and for me. cuz i fear that all the time honey. weep no
more. - Sent 4/18/2008 4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn... i forgot the
hug: x - x - x (2 hours latee:) i like you the way you are. i stop to say
that. cuz we all go to hard with 'growing' where we want. that i forget to
say... i have what i want. you are just so... x - x - x ... (three hours
later:) beautiful. - you always hit the rite words... - even if english
is... a bit... silly. - your meenz heart is alot to me. you show that. you
know that. - i say: list possibilities. cuz your rite. protection is more
important.. than me. -\ i need you to do that. or i loose....everything: .
. . . -YOU- - Sent 4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got
24sec!! i love you . Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more
in this thread April 18, 2008 1:47 PM Anonymous said... Problem: IF
1min=1year THEN 24sec=? The time i have used to figure this out is time i
should have been using to say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot
something that brings me pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your
interests(strangely enough we have something really great in common), that
sometimes love chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the
choice to act on it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry
special special Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for
granted"), and that before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some
more. Again -- and always (i say this screaming inside that you don't
leave me alone hear drowning in these juices.) Love You Love. you sexy
beast April 24, 2008 6:56 AM Anonymous said... So I threw the bell and the
towel in over the cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin
down as each beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and
father-time. Each time the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell
clanged in such an intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down
there and get it in the right season. Did he notice the towel was gone
too? Probably not. And if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I
really couldn't be sure, I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever
he kept pulling on in his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy
though. I did miss breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste.
He kissed me. I love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like
today. I really hope he does that again soon. Sooner than later too cuz
I'm starting to feel a little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes,
thinking about how he tried to make me breakfast cause he knows its my
favorite, and honestly that big piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming
more and more inviting as time goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is
someting I can chew on for a while. -- May 21, 2008 6:53 AM Anonymous
said... im still pre-paring for another 8-8-08 i see hip_gnosti closed her
site. still you stand as the great-one. = and ye...my garden still
grows.. cuz o th wrds U have typed. - -no end- - May 21, 2008 6:23 PM - -
- - cmts2.txt xanga.com\deuda_m pass:??3sp goto 'messages': Sent 4/2/2008
8:27 PM deuda_m block delete Many nights I have tried to do whatever I
could to get you off of my mind. Every damn morning I wake up thinking
about you. YOU! do you hear that? This has been too real for me for way
too long. My body confuses me into hurting because you are not here next
to me...or me there. It really hurts. And there is nothing I can do about
it...denial works temporarily...for a few years maybe...then bam! it hits
me all over again...and I'm all giddied up about You again. And it keeps
getting worse. Especially now that I know I love you for everything that
you are and....you me. oh wow! oh God! when I think about that I want to
passout. I know what you speak of when you say "knit". I would love to
find out what that is about with you. Fascinating...aint it? I want you to
be happy and if this makes you happy and feel safe then this is what I
need to do. Understand, I am not so happy about virtual-love. I love
connecting with you on this level. I guess I r ally Love being able to say
whatever I really feel and get an opportunity to write something
heart-felt, rather than settle for whatever jumble of words I can manage
to get out of my swollen mouth. You do that to me. (you will find out
later how much and why) You have the advantage of mystery however. I have
been pretty wide open for some time now. I find it unfair. My advantage
would be my ablity to put thought into action. I want to show you. I want
to use my hands and make this idea about you physical into Life. It is a
rather uncontrollable desire. I have confidence in mp hands. So...
planning is great! And your techniques I think will compliment mine. But
I'm not sure why I don't trust myself with you. This is so overwhelming. I
am a quite simple person. Less talk, More action. I need to get some stuff
typed out to you. Things just keeps cumming...everyday...every day. I have
a difficult time keeping up. what between survival and thrival... I
listened to someone speak the other day about that gut feeling that one
can get about something...it makes you take a deep deep breath and adds
tremendous motivation to seemingly ordinary things...well...then he went
on to speak about instinct and capacities for love. How important it is to
Love with all that we have. How we are supposed to recognize that feeling
and say "oh God, GIVE ME THAT!" and everything else works itself out. I
want to love you...whatever that means for us...with ALL that I can give,
All that I have, All that this mysterious heart is made up of. You show me
that you love me. By wooffing me and harvesting me local. I LOVE that! You
know what? I want more from you though, I don't know why. I know you want
to see-read something from me too that I may not be showing. A lifetime
could probably not be long enough to get to KNOW eachother...ALL the parts
of eachother. I think that is what makes having GOOD relationships fun and
alive. Sow that is what I do...I go slowly and patiently and get to know
you. You are a dream. Every time I take another look into you I sea
something else that I wished for. I believe in customed-partnerships.- OK,
now I have to put my clothes back on and go be late for work. You do me
Good, very very Good. please know that. You please me in soooo many ways
it is hard to speak about it. I want to put my hand in yours, look into
your eyes, and show you how much. That is all I can say right now. I hope
I do not confuse you with my native tongue...it is difficult to balance
simplicity with spirit. Such is life. I love you...more...and again... --
oooooo o o o o OX - - - - cmts7.txt CMTS7 TXT 8,290 04-18-08 2:06p
CMTS7.TXT her first original post and the latest 4-18-08 xanga.com um... i
meen... reeeely! ? - Sent 3/12/2008 8:07 PM deuda_m block delete : i hope:
www.galeeb.blogspot.com this Tribal data-bank will help you farm-Rite.
with 4site. Sent 3/12/2008 8:06 PM deuda_m block delete Daize later...I
finally made it. Better late than never, that's what I always say. Through
floods and snow storms and piles of dishes, I finally mayd it....here.
NOW...cum over here and help me with these buttons. The ones in the middle
of my back are so Hard to reach. Hurry please, I've been waiting quite
some time to take these stockings off and wrap my bare legs around your
waist. Do you think these pumps go better with or without clothes? Posted
3/11/2008 10:45 PM hip_gnostic block delete Are you a leaf? You do not
know where I live? Now how can I call you if you do not call me first? oh
silly silly. Can farm people live in a smaller village than what your use
to and still be considered 'possible'? Are you a patriot? Are you a
patronizer? Do you like Pina Coladas? And getting caught in the rain? Are
you a lover of interesting facts? And do you sometimes post them in
certain places for the public to read? What color was my water gun? What
color shirt were you wearing? ...oh wait maybe you're color blind... Are
you color blind? Will you please just answer my questions? ...oh wait
maybe you don't want to answer my questions... Is this 20 questions? Yes.
Will you please just answer my questions? Am I asking you too many
questions? OK (statement) Why don't you call me...friend?..on the
telephone. i'm not going to give you my phone number and i don't want to
call your friends and family first about this...you call my family and
talk to all of them first...before you call me. boohoowho-why God...this
crazy joke on my logician? I won't play! aaha...there's the answer! No
Play! won't play! day1..2...3.... ouch. everything hurts. like i just got
nailed (to a cross tumbling into hell...and then is returned through
windows {in(to)} the atmosphere. ...windows...like...microsofter-harder.
oh sorry!.... no play. i'm not a little girl...little girls grow up...if
they are lucky! And happy to be so. I still do not like you! i love you
though. I had a great dad growing up; and i learned that if men could be
that cool and wonderful and kind...then maybe growing up to be a woman
wouldn't be so bad and mayB i could be friends with boys too...cause i
could beat em thumbs down on a thumb wrestle...and i learned to play cards
until dawn with a deck of 51...now...uhhhm Now donut tell me theres nothin
to do. damn! playing again. i actually TRY to play more often than I
really should... you, you...helped me realize this. thx! NO Play! there's
only one person that knows my identity... my true identity... and that's
BatMan! So for scared-out-of-my-flickin... ummm...not flickin...cause i
wouldn't want to offend my amish side I wantto 'open' a door for you also.
Invite you into my home. A chance to know me...what my agricultural
practices R. What my family has survived with and brought forth bountiful
life with. What nature I commune with. I am a free range hen if you will.
Chicken? Yes. Free range? YES! How can you catch the wind? In your
windbags of course? Are you a clovers or moss type? And and maybe i wantto
know about you. ALOT! but not like normal stuff...that too...only
LOOK...an owl...its getting later than you think... i wantto be real with
you...no/yes, I mean it! I wantto be REAL. i have very 'exclusive
relationships' with people... men, women, animals (cause animals are
people too.) plants ( yeup... people 2) yah...rocks...a very extended
liniage in rocks. Sorry if i trip you out and make you listen to
Straw-berry Shortie Cakes songs. You got issues though Deud. red headed
issues brother. ha. that sounds funny as ... oh brother. yah, i like this.
I'm not russian or anything. so as far as jumping into my religious stuf
i would kindly request that you have understanding in the "L" and allow me
to worship in whatever way i feel i am being called. that word keeps
arising. hm. right now i have alot of work to do. i work work doing tasks
that i know i belong at because i am there. i want my own farm. i want to
be able to balance conventional society with sustainable lifestyles. It is
important. It will make my children stronger. I have a chance at it. I see
opportunity every where I look. My mind is not set. on location. I like to
stay a while; 10 years to pay of a loan maybe. lots of opportunities. Lots
the american dream! that also includes South America and Canada. So if i
run out far enuf into the land and stick a flag in my ground and tame it
MayB. Then can i be a farmer and an accountant? I heart math! So the math
says go to bed, queeny. and i thumb my nose at the queen too. cuz she's
not the boss! I am. So we can play until you really want to be real with
me. I mean it.. just be real. you are who you are. or aren't you?
"philosphy is a walk on the slippery rocks" --EBrickell ...i wantto go on
in my head with "just stay off the computer and leave this 'scary
obtusocity' be." but i won't type it unless i think you'd wantto know
whats going on in my head. big-little girls are funny like that. yah
really i wanto put a man inside this body of type and not an
electrical...well...device. zzz one thing i've learned from living in the
cities is to judge a man by his content. and getto know a person's face
rather than their words. study their smile not their daily religious
clothing. and if you want to have a friend be a friend. and if you can
handle a person's worst you can mayB be friends for a while, mayB
longer... yep, one thing I've learned. oh my back hurts from typing my lil
heart out till the cows come home and getting rode so hard my skin is red
and ...throwing cow bell (scene one) goodnight sweet prince, you are too
kind to be a king and too good to be a knight. So good knight sweet
prince. Till you rule my heart again. ...and i learn to play more. ci that
was fun. 1212--by the rules...no play and sleep for atleast 5 hours.
always breakin the damn rules. i think i'm too blasphemous for a
mainstream religious community. i'm affiliated with all of them in one way
or another. I get out there. I put myself out there to do spiritual work
that the Great Spirit requests. I take a very wide range of requests.
Everyday all day 24-7. Therefore I meet a very large range of people. In
my line of 'work'. The Great Spirit created taxes too. and numbers and
fake dollars that control fake ideas that supply fake food to fake
communities that need to eat too. Cause they are very very real. oh
wait,,,you almost got me again... no play. except for the kind I'm
thinking of and well,,, I'm really...not...playing. --OX Posted 4/3/2008
12:33 AM hip_gnostic block delete and the white-stone still Hangs true. to
you. - wither you start somthing new '8' or not. . Sent 4/2/2008 10:27 PM
deuda_m block delete your just my heart-parts too. - i know. i knew. .
Sent 4/2/2008 10:29 PM deuda_m block delete your aweful lots to me. - .
Sent 4/2/2008 10:27 PM deuda_m block delete i just got all your messages
and red them. i reeely want to give 'my' phone number -NOW-. to talk. just
talk. pleez connect with area-mennonites. you burnt an '8' on your leg.???
to hear you went one time. to any 'church' local. baptist christian
community anything...(.in that order.) wood make me feel more redy. i just
need a clue your all-rite. i hope moving to your xanga is a good step. i
almost didnt go to galeeb. i feel you want me closer. but i posted
hip-g408 at both places just in case. i want to stay here now. no more
streem-8. just you. - stop to read some www.chick.com chick tracks by jack
t.? chick i heart his comic?publication very much. - you are precious to
me. - do you.... do you know that? . . home is where the heart is. . .
keep breething sis'. - Sent 4/2/2008 10:26 PM deuda_m block delete - - - -
g-nos.txt comment about 'edible communities' and 'G.R.U.B.'programs, start
a chapter in 'your-area' strm8 508: http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey.php
http://www.okokok.org/cs-honey-01.php this looks like the best one:
http://www.greenhomebuilding.com/earthbag.htm cuz maydn... you-ARE 'the
people' i will be keeeping for a long-long time. even if i can only carry
'YOU'... in my heart. - Sent 4/18/2008 4:45 PM deuda_m block delete
telling you 'how' i think. wasnt i smart move. - but i open everything to
you. i cant resist you no more. if your going to hurt me... you reeeeely
will. - it dont matter.. i still dreeeem of you. plenty of your words help
me do that. - http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1890132810/ref=dp_im
ge_text_0/103-2882120-8181457?ie=UTF8&s=books Sent 4/18/2008 4:29 PM
deuda_m block delete maydn... you said: i guess i don't understand. i
think mayb you want something from me that i might not be capable of
giving. it hurts me to say that to you. i want to give you everything your
heart wants and needs. i need to protect myself though... ... oh maydn!!
my honey! that does hurt. i will rip open my core just once for you to let
you know 'how' i hope and think: i wake up knowing that: somehow i wasted
today or part of it. i feel like i offended myself.. like when you eat
somthing you know make you feel gilty. i deel with it cuz... i offended
myself! its a taste of what i must look like to son-god when i offend him.
i use it to tell him to remove ALL offense to him to self and to others
by his precious healing blood. he always is reddy to give me what i dont
earn nor deserve: rite-standing again. ' his spirit is now freee to help
me forgive and watch and do better. that is a miracle. also: knowing he
will gide me to love what i shood say, do, type, be is also another
'miracle' thats what i use to make threw times when you say 'i cant be
what you want' know that you will be, maybe not what i planned. but
exactly what son-god planned. im soo happy about that. for you. and for
me. cuz i fear that all the time honey. weep no more. - Sent 4/18/2008
4:19 PM deuda_m block delete damn... i forgot the hug: x - x - x (2 hours
later:) i like you the way you are. i stop to say that. cuz we all go to
hard with 'growing' where we want. that i forget to say... i have what i
want. you are just so... x - x - x ... (three hours later:) beautiful. -
you always hit the rite words... - even if english is... a bit... silly. -
your meenz heart is alot to me. you show that. you know that. - i say:
list possibilities. cuz your rite. protection is more important.. than me.
-\ i need you to do that. or i loose....everything: . . . . -YOU- - Sent
4/18/2008 2:59 PM deuda_m block delete i still got 24sec!! i love you .
Sent 4/18/2008 2:41 PM deuda_m block delete show more in this thread April
18, 2008 1:47 PM Anonymous said... Problem: IF 1min=1year THEN 24sec=? The
time i have used to figure this out is time i should have been using to
say: Thank You to you, that wasting time is knot something that brings me
pleasure, that i really want to be a part of your interests(strangely
enough we have something really great in common), that sometimes love
chooses you (the way the Heavens do, i suppose), that the choice to act on
it is yours, that i hope you donut take this verry berry special special
Gift for granted(really think about that saying "for granted"), and that
before My Time is gone i hope to x x x you... some more. Again -- and
always (i say this screaming inside that you don't leave me alone hear
drowning in these juices.) Love You Love. you sexy beast April 24, 2008
6:56 AM Anonymous said... So I threw the bell and the towel in over the
cliff. He sure noticed that shiny thing ringaling dingin down as each
beautiful dent was handcrafted by mother-nature and father-time. Each time
the damned thing hit the rock wall that cow-bell clanged in such an
intoxicating musical mantra. I hope we can climb down there and get it in
the right season. Did he notice the towel was gone too? Probably not. And
if he did he sure didn't want to talk about it. I really couldn't be sure,
I forgot to ask; I was too distracted by whatever he kept pulling on in
his pocket. Probably taffy...I don't like candy though. I did miss
breakfast though, so mayB I might ask him for a taste. He kissed me. I
love that on my cheek, especially on a windy day like today. I really hope
he does that again soon. Sooner than later too cuz I'm starting to feel a
little moozy looking into those big-bull eyes, thinking about how he tried
to make me breakfast cause he knows its my favorite, and honestly that big
piece of taffy in his pocket is becoming more and more inviting as time
goes on. mmmm wheat-grass...now there is someting I can chew on for a
while. -- May 21, 2008 6:53 AM Post a Comment Links to this post: posted
by @ Create a Link -to BE LOVE. that is really what we All are. LOVE i
love you Love. here love is a verb and a pronoun. You, i will call you
Love. I know you love that. 3:54 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailSaturday,
March 29, 2008 ther wuz funr666 your o'love right the fuck up yur asz.
fthe beesta. whar i wantd to sayz wux i got wax on my p[antsn its all your
fault german-irish w/ french etiquette 11:14 PMadd epropsadd
commentsemailEXAMPLEDO THIS...be a friend. what does that look like? why
can not you see? I can't feel. You can't feel...your feet? I can't feel.
You can't feel... your legs? I can't feel my loins. Yu can't feel you
loins? For, Christ's sake...feel your loins. Should I,... like,.. feel my
loins? No! Just feel your loins! There is no 'like' about it. MayB a
little..., like. Don't just feel my loins? Like it? sure. Now I CAN DO
that! ok. ok. Put your hands on your thighs; between the knee cap and the
hip bone...that muscle. ( oh God, i love that muscle.)Move your hands
around in a circle in the center of that. You cando that. now fix your
loins.Can you see now?can you feel? Are you redy to play friends? grab
that! I want to play friends. Does that hurt your loins? That scares me!
Mayb i canfix it. Does it kneed a kiss? 9:51 PMadd epropsadd
commentsemailWednesday, March 26, 2008 Here Kitty Kitty...Nice Kitty Got
Ya! This is called a Green-Grasshopper Hold. Well Well Well... Looks like
I'll be the one playing with You this time. Oh...not afraid yet? Just you
wait, I've got friends and lots of them. And they're gonna help me do what
ever I want with you. Oh dear (I mean cat) this could be fun. If you don't
chicken out. haha In the meanwhile, since I've got you here, and you can't
really touch me... EAT ME PUSSY! 4:15 PM2 eprops4 commentsemail browse
entries:older ¯ View all weblog entries - - - - hip2.txt - IT is Huge.
Enormous. Guy-normous, Stupendous. Need I say more? You know what IM
talking about. If you don't, please ask. I can add more... finess if need
be. Call me! Ms. Bias but I adore your Sight. What we have here is genious
and IM all aboot "gen-ious". You R in trouble tho. You know that...right?
YouR not going to like what I have to say or what IM going to do
too...YouR gonna LOVE it. Thats All there is to it. SO if we get bored or
insecure, change it. Strip... off the layers until we like it again and
then we love it. We Make love. Easy... Call me whatever You want just
don't call me late for breakfast. I Heart Breakfast. NOW You know. U tell
me... I May either fuck You fantastic or Make Love to You until you die.
YouR CHOICE. Reminiscent of pumps-clothed or pumps-nude. ?? Posted
3/12/2008 10:52 PM xanga.com\hip_gnostic block delete - - - - hip_g.txt
xanga.com\hip_gnostic Wednesday, March 26, 2008 Here Kitty Kitty...Nice
Kitty Got Ya! This is called a Green-Grasshopper Hold. Well Well Well...
Looks like I'll be the one playing with You this time. Oh...not afraid
yet? Just you wait, I've got friends and lots of them. And they're gonna
help me do what ever I want with you. Oh dear (I mean cat) this could be
fun. If you don't chicken out. haha In the meanwhile, since I've got you
here, and you can't really touch me... EAT ME PUSSY! 4:15 PMadd epropsadd
commentsemailTuesday, March 25, 2008 'You make me feel ten thousand
feelings all at once...and so I remain silent.' I'm going to type what I
have written into this damn machine only because I said I would. I have
gotten damn frustrated with this 'game' and am ready to qwit myself.
May-be I might make you catch me instead. Would not that be interesting?
You've toyed with me like a cat does with an injured grasshopper. The cat
knows he has the grasshopper and that he could swallow her up whole or
crunch her slowly between his teeth, feeling the little legs wriggle on
his lips. What does he do instead? He bats her around a bit, lets the
little grasshopper jump around in circles a while, pretends he's not
looking, or just keeps nipping at her wings until she's just a twitching
torso. Then he (the cat) just leaves her there to die in her own green
grasshopper juices. Maybe he will eat her later, Maybe he will not. A
frightening waste of time for the grasshopper. Priceless entertainment for
the cat. Personally, I'd rather be chewed up than neglected with my guts
hanging out. Then again I have been accused of needing too much
attention. Then again I don't believe that there is a cat out there who
can resist a bouncy grasshopper that is too stupid to keep away from a
cat's attention. 5:46 PMadd epropsadd commentsemailMonday, March 24, 2008
2 SIM-PLEAn "intentional community": is that not where we live? I am
having a hard time meshing these private communities with fundamental
realities. Harsh reality is something I thrive in. I guess it is all I
know. I do however thrive on learning experiences and I can see that all
over the place in these intentional communities and 'nut'farms (I was
raised by conservatives who would think that was funny) Maybe you could
too. Why would someone want me on a farm? Why would someone not call me
and say, "hey let's go somewhere together."? What is the big secret? I am
beginning to fear falseness. What is the complication? The difficulty? I
am the type of girl that meets prospective suitors in the library... or
the grocery store...not online in some scary obtuse fashion. I
prefer...let's go see a movie, or...let's go fuck in the corn field.
KNOWLEDGE?"-- U2 You too have come here to hold a smooth firm body in your
distant hands, as much as is possible. As those hands knead through the
muscle and the skin to find the bone and then room for yours. To fit
something so rigid, deep into a tight and abstract body capable of
creation may be beyond your comprehension of living and dieing. This is
why I have come here this morning to warn you of the power that a needful
body contains. To look into the reflecting glass and call it complete
would be to say that your eyes have seen all the life in the sea. In this
lifetime the pressure of a man's erection breaking through the vulvas
flexion in waves, could never be compared to words. I would in fact
purpose that demonstration is the only word that may do it justice.
Demonstration, however, has such a negative connotation to use as a word.
Justice, might be one answer to ripping the cloaks where there is nothing
left but naked truths and realities. Realities of heat and sensation; of
cold and insensitivity, blushing new again with sounds that formed words
before words had reason. Here you find me, every morning under my soft
linens with nothing more than my pale skin and swollen lips. You warm my
breasts with the breath of your words, though my conscience feels the
chill. So these nipples take to the linens as this body raises to feel
your palms. The contact of the centered palm, the life of a man, in the
palm placed at the navel and pressed firmly and patiently to the
beginning. Thighs spreading thighs in movement to a beat that makes
itself. Deep and fulfilling, until something inescapable begins to happen.
This existence where cries of pleasure and tears of joy have no place,
only value. Please just pull my tongue into your mouth and tell me that
you love me. That the life and passion in this explosion of a woman is not
blown to the moon and stars. Let this morning wake you and bring you
gently inside of me. Take these tears and bottle them for sunrise. They
will bring you purity and light. They will show you what is necessary,
what is need, and move the tides until you come. --XO 6:29 AMadd epropsadd
commentsemail- - - - hp408.txt HP408 TXT 7,570 04-18-08 12:20p HP408.TXT
my xanga.com\deuda_m comment replys to her 'messages' 4-18-08 i capture
all you type and reed it at home.. but i can see (at a glance) im missing
you to much. - these days we pass each other just enuff to make hearts
bleed. - is that tech-no world? no wonder galeeb urges a RET-TURN. - this
is pain-FULL. its not the world they said it wood be. - i urge all to
break with it. but since im here touching a girl i love... and she's...
the 'only' one that has me in 'cyber-space' (or any space). i need to
pause... - (choke)...god! you reely do-do all this xanga.com\hip_gnostic
for me? im just a stupid male. - (shaky) yyou rreely doo ccare. - i hope i
can direct that-kind of power... (for best effects) to people\places..in
time.(WOW) you make things so beautiful... for me. - its freightning what
one maydn can do. - (im still typing without thinking) - you are a
dream... i wish english had a better word. 'beautiful' dosnt draw what you
are to me. infact, it sorta-of 'scribbles' up the picture. how about...
'magical' ? 'girl-of-my-dreems' ? how about... 'im not flirting' i wish i
wood. you kinda-of deserve it. - but i dont. i report. and then gush. -
sometimes i even report on a male-gush. and why he did-so that-way. - im
hopeless... i try to fit all you do into a... 'progress report' with no
pause to tell you... you are so much...more... than that...(sob) god! and
you hate cry-babys so... thats good. you dont need to know why males-cry
anyway. this male see's into the heart. someone tawt me to do that. else i
wood demand pictures. and somthing to lust at... (hey thanks for that
appolos-venus picture post) i wood want only your body. ...one of
those...'hump-and-dump' relation-ships... but you will need to teach-me
that cuz... what i see in you is sooo much gooderr. my relation-ships are
built for heart-wars. the whole fleet gets bombed every day, it goes on
all nite... it will go on all day! the war for peoples MINDS!
attention-spans,media,edu,trash-canning musick! meanwhile... my
little-scanners go crazy over-you. deleting all the distractions and
'noise' and using you to do somthing beutiful. INSTEAD. i think girls like
heart-felt things more than boys... i just wish i wood woory about
looks... and not the beutiful person you are 'inside' just...for....
practice sake? i meen...how am i going to fuck my sister? (gross) this
takes alot of 'focus' - im way off balance. keep holding my hand like you
do. i go over your papers alot. - and... let me qwit for now... im not
being aloud to say-type somthing heart-felt... nor go over-it. - sometimes
you need to see me do that. cuz... males are funny to hear... when they
dont think... . . . do they think? - OptionsDisable Get Free Shots
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hope. you R ok. i want to tear into you right now. tell you a thing or
two... about circles and being direct or genuine or real; im too tired or
sad or worried or confused to say-(type)-care ...anything. --(a)(e)iou ps.
if i ever get my breath back you had better look out 9:24 PM2 eprops1
commentemail Friday, April 11, 2008 IOU - Letter 1.) Introduce 2.) Things
I like to do 3.) What I am good at 4.) What I don't enjoy 5.) Goals for
this year ["Apollo reached the tree and, still enamoured with Daphne, he
mourned, as Ovid wrote in the Metamorphoses:"] "Fairest of maidens, you
are lost to me. But at least you shall be my tree. With your leaves my
victors shall wreathe their brows. You shall have your part in all my
triumphs. Apollo and his laurel shall be joined together wherever songs
are sung and stories told." Ovid loves Sappho
http://www.nga.gov/education/classroom/origin_myths/art_apollo.shtm Apollo
and Daphne is a baroque, life-sized marble sculpture by Italian Gian
Lorenzo Bernini, housed in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. It was inspired
by one of the stories included in Ovid's Metamorphoses. 9:30 PMadd
epropsadd commentsemail The Meanest, Most Average, Invisible Man I Have
Never Met (u sure know how to ignore a girl) this is so fucking backwards
sdrawkcab gnikcuf os si siht OR plain: gnikcuf os Do you wantto know what
i think about you? You know, those little dark thoughts included. I like
when you tell me what you really think about me. I feel more rounded. They
say that something is wrong with a person that doesn't have atleast one
enemy. I like it when you imply me as a whore and other derogatory terms
for women; it gives me reason to do bad things to you. Besides, just cuz
you think it doesn't meen that it is true. 10:50 AMadd epropsadd
commentsemail Tuesday, April 08, 2008 he Loves me. he Loves me not.-3 9:47
PMadd epropsadd commentsemail Saturday, April 05, 2008 The Tao of
Pooh;"when my hands are not strong-enuff to...carry her to bed.(...) -
(.more.) strong tribes. a church. a group. a community club. somthing to
keep them together. - strong families make strong homes. - a strong home
needs gods words. and ::commitment:: to bring maydn and th-boys home. - no
more playing-around. we got to eat and live and work together wither we
like each-other or not. - wither we got feelings or not. - (.more.)
danger: sex 'is' marriage... - commitment?: stay with this person even if
we dont like. we are to live together. wither love comes or goes. sound
good? sounds possible. cuz then loosy-goosy can go boing-boing back to her
'problems' and thats why i love her. she reminds me how hopeless helpless
and impossible all is. i love her for that. - so... deuda_m stays with
males in the woods.? a simple monistic life. with rewards. th-boys dream:
no girls allowed! but how did those males get together?, a brotherly order
starts. with a woman. so... now im back to snow-black and 3+4 dwarves.
...im going in circles... no point.(hehe) - but somewhere in this mess of
men,maidens and straw-houses is peace, and 'that' little maydn, sitting
over-there content with 'her-problems': she sits there thinking:" to speak
my mind eor to not speak my mind. to think before i speak eor to not think
before i speak. when does a question become an answer. when does saying
your peace become rubbing peoples emotions. 'if' death do u-s part. and
other good stuff along those lines. What i can do is look at you and hope
that you see my eyes looking up, my chest rise, and all the color return
to my face again; as you recite things that only i would expect myself to
dream up. (that is the best literal term i could come up with...for Now) I
donut know how these words have such a wonderful hold on me. These ideas
that my untamed heart have dreamed of and believed into existence. (kinda
what it feels like) The Unedited Alchemists Mind of Love -- i wonder if we
could do that? it might be hard...i think i could do it.? i think i might
like to do it? (not sex 'it', love 'it') and then...with you I
mean...MayB...if we were able and didn't have canes. .. Canes are sexy
too. It a natural thing baby, lighten up. The Bible aint got nuthn on me.
(i'm going to play hockey in hell for that one) i started out at 'the tao
of pooh' as i quite certainly was thinking of a sexual construction of
taoism. truly canut control myself. my body talks, i listen. do i jump at
every reaction, no. i do not have that disease. but if i did...could you
still love me? i know folks that live in seperate houses yet still speak
true to eachother. (wood that make sense?) i believe in a matching of the
spirit, mind, and body. if we live that, if we do our very best. the
'other'ness works. itself out. agh. what i mean is...care-fullness, and
care-ing...---REThe best thing to keep REAL-Good relationships
going...good ones and bad ones. "they" did a study on 50+ year
realtionships. each copule of people (cuz they did not include plutonic or
familial relations) reported "KINDNESS"/ "GENTLENESS" the number one
contributing factor to lasting connection. "so if you are nice to me, i
might stick around for a while, mayB longer if I do." -- 11:08 PMadd
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HP408B TXT 10,584 04-18-08 12:58p HP408B.TXT my xanga.com\deuda_m comment
replys to her 'messages' 4-18-08 i capture all you type and reed it at
home.. but i can see (at a glance) im missing you to much. - these days we
pass each other just enuff to make hearts bleed. - is that tech-no world?
no wonder galeeb urges a RET-TURN. - this is pain-FULL. its not the world
they said it wood be. - i urge all to break with it. but since im here
touching a girl i love... and she's... the 'only' one that has me in
'cyber-space' (or any space). i need to pause... - (choke)...god! you
reely do-do all this xanga.com\hip_gnostic for me? im just a stupid male.
- (shaky) yyou rreely doo ccare. - i hope i can direct that-kind of
power... (for best effects) to people\places..in time.(WOW) you make
things so beautiful... for me. - its freightning what one maydn can do. -
(im still typing without thinking) - you are a dream... i wish english
had a better word. 'beautiful' dosnt draw what you are to me. infact, it
sorta-of 'scribbles' up the picture. how about... 'magical' ?
'girl-of-my-dreems' ? how about... 'im not flirting' i wish i wood. you
kinda-of deserve it. - but i dont. i report. and then gush. - sometimes i
even report on a male-gush. and why he did-so that-way. - im hopeless... i
try to fit all you do into a... 'progress report' with no pause to tell
you... you are so much...more... than that...(sob) god! and you hate
cry-babys so... thats good. you dont need to know why males-cry anyway.
this male see's into the heart. someone tawt me to do that. else i wood
demand pictures. and somthing to lust at... (hey thanks for that
appolos-venus picture post) i wood want only your body. ...one of
those...'hump-and-dump' relation-ships... but you will need to teach-me
that cuz... what i see in you is sooo much gooderr. my relation-ships are
built for heart-wars. the whole fleet gets bombed every day, it goes on
all nite... it will go on all day! the war for peoples MINDS!
attention-spans,media,edu,trash-canning musick! meanwhile... my
little-scanners go crazy over-you. deleting all the distractions and
'noise' and using you to do somthing beutiful. INSTEAD. i think girls like
heart-felt things more than boys... i just wish i wood woory about
looks... and not the beutiful person you are 'inside' just...for....
practice sake? i meen...how am i going to fuck my sister? (gross) this
takes alot of 'focus' - im way off balance. keep holding my hand like you
do. i go over your papers alot. - and... let me qwit for now... im not
being aloud to say-type somthing heart-felt... nor go over-it. - sometimes
you need to see me do that. cuz... males are funny to hear... when they
dont think... . . . do they think? - OptionsDisable Get Free Shots
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f... hip_gnostic's Xanga Site Weblog
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Directly credits: 1,020 sign out hip_gnostic weblog photos videos albums
audio pulse profile chatboard subscribe Weblog Wednesday, April 16, 2008
hope. you R ok.i want to tear into you right now. tell you a thing or
two... about circles and being direct or genuine or real; im too tired or
sad or worried or confused to say-(type)-care ...anything. --(a)(e)iou ps.
if i ever get my breath back you had better look out 9:24 PM2 eprops1
commentemailFriday, April 11, 2008 IOU - Letter 1.) Introduce 2.) Things I
like to do 3.) What I am good at 4.) What I don't enjoy 5.) Goals for this
year ["Apollo reached the tree and, still enamoured with Daphne, he
mourned, as Ovid wrote in the Metamorphoses:"] "Fairest of maidens, you
are lost to me. But at least you shall be my tree. With your leaves my
victors shall wreathe their brows. You shall have your part in all my
triumphs. Apollo and his laurel shall be joined together wherever songs
are sung and stories told." Ovid loves Sappho
http://www.nga.gov/education/classroom/origin_myths/art_apollo.shtm Apollo
and Daphne is a baroque, life-sized marble sculpture by Italian Gian
Lorenzo Bernini, housed in the Galleria Borghese in Rome. It was inspired
by one of the stories included in Ovid's Metamorphoses. 9:30 PMadd
epropsadd commentsemailThe Meanest, Most Average, Invisible Man I Have
Never Met(u sure know how to ignore a girl) this is so fucking backwards
sdrawkcab gnikcuf os si siht OR plain: gnikcuf os Do you wantto know what
i think about you? You know, those little dark thoughts included. I like
when you tell me what you really think about me. I feel more rounded. They
say that something is wrong with a person that doesn't have atleast one
enemy. I like it when you imply me as a whore and other derogatory terms
for women; it gives me reason to do bad things to you. Besides, just cuz
you think it doesn't meen that it is true. 10:50 AMadd epropsadd
commentsemailTuesday, April 0nclu-s tr sth athat I - - - - hyp1bb.txt NOW
clear under the desk. 9:49 PM1 viewWednesday, August 13, 2008 just 4
licksHow do you do it? say to me... this is no online-game deerheart. iam
the person you think iam. if the Good-Lord has blessed us so...then to be
mayd for another will...B. i love you. why? you water me for growth. you
do right. you fill the parts where idon'ut. you R a gentle-man with my
love. 1:58 PM4 viewsSaturday, August 09, 2008 OXXO 12:32 AM1
viewWednesday, August 06, 2008 A-Round Stone Block TablePossum Pot Pie
main dish, game 1 cup glazed huckleberries 3 shots gin or moonshine 1
possum 1 pie crust with top 1 sliced carrots & cabbage 1 to taste If
roadkill---make jambalaya. If caught---proceed with recipe Cover a pan (or
any implement you can put in a fire) with the bottom of your pie crust and
place the possum in it. Add the huckleberries and carrots, and shred the
cabbage over it. Close up the pie and bake until the neighbors' dogs come
sniffing around to see what the wonderful smell is, or until the fire
department arrives (whichever comes first). Remove from fire/oven, slice
and enjoy. Anthony Trummert And for dessert, Christmas Nut Cake and Warm
Gopher Milk 11:51 PM1 viewSunday, August 03, 2008 after nooni thought how
nice it might be to talk to you and read by daylight. is it proper for
women to call men? societal rules/norms have always been elusive for me.
11:01 PM1 viewMonday, July 28, 2008 nonmanipulated, genuine, honest;
(organic)oh love words could never give enough meaning to the things i
need to express to you. 4:56 PM1 viewTuesday, July 22, 2008 One Love Or
Two?what real humanity is there if we are nice and sweet all the day long;
when really we stand in line for food and want to kill! This story goes on
in some fancy fashion about a love that was thought to be true based souly
and upon the fact that something greater than the metaphysical body
exists. In this existence only a voice of pure clarity and reason is
present. There is no choice but to obey. nne wouldn't decide any other way
because the promises are too great a proposition. The promises are
everything you've ever wanted. Whatever it is that your soul has longed
for and ached for and starved and would die for. This story is how life
lives to each next day and through every night of resolution. Do these
things, these feelings really exist? or are they created by a selfish
naive trying to form the future of the universes because he can not see
any further. Is death really a creation of seven mad men tearing their
flesh by their teeth while dancing in delirious celebration? Is life
really at the mourning of these bodies? She turns her head from these
visions and tries to dream another direction in hopes of opening her eyes
to a less demented dimension. Here she begins to believe in a friendly
vision written in third person and souly for entertainment. There is
knowing, however, that each word is made magic and each sentence its'
spell. The boy should never know about her secret places. She will show
him anyways to see what he thinks and how he feels. Laughing with a
horrible emotion inside, she senses he wants petticoats and perfume and
stockings that smell of a womans' musk. Three women to be precise. Mayb he
wants lovely locks to pull his fingers through and soft selky skins to
masterbate with his tongues. Mayb he wants to take advantage of him and
tie him to a tree all the time placing females to kneel at his fleshy
parts and draw out his seed to propagate yet another man in deservant
fashion. I admire his adversity. Yet the girl despises his unrealistic
expectations of the woman she is about to become. I curse it and all
religious rights that suppress any emotion, desire, dream, idea. It is
what it is. Things that grow in the dark do not thrive when light shown on
them. So in this cursed indescretionary mission i will see to it that we
look directly into the face of fear and call it exactly what it is. And in
that dissolution the guts will spill out and what is left we shall find.
This will surly be very very messy. May there be respect or reverence? She
doesn't know. That is not her mission as of yet. Here they lay forever
together upon blood soaked linens and a pair of white lace panties.
Whomever said women were weak had never been torn open from the insides
and then praised for their devotion. She knows pain by the day and is told
to deny that she does. She does do it with pleasure as ever they are one
in the same. We should not speak on this for it is mystery and must remain
so. Then here in the dirt her gentle parts lose their respect because why
I do not know. Does love happen only in a satin gown? How could she stay
naked and honest to her treaded boots when she is bent over backwards a
boulder and her heels to the sky? She cries out that she loves the earth
and the stars and her man made god. Her laces around his neck, she refuses
to let go even though he is through with her filthy ass. No love, for
respect is not love and sex is not love; or is it? He sets her feet back
on the ground and lets her cling to him as long as she does not feel
around him too much. She knows the pain and feels the pleasure. "Enough of
this bloody conformity!" his queen orders out from the written pages of
time. If I cut you, you might bleed through my paperwork. If you cut you,
you could feel your own skin and how precious it may be. The Queen of
Nonexistence could see how these things work in life and death, though she
never had the need to try them herself. She could simply see the darkness
with the same eyes that she was able to see the light. She was not a slave
to her skin. Though you should know, these servants have a purpose as well
in this lovely fucking story. The ladies removed their armor and found
their voices to be quite gentle and appealing. He seemed nervous that
these particular three had never worn stockings beneath the metal
sheathing. One wouldn't even lay down her sword before she crawled onto
his lap and straddled him as she had her stead. She never even spoke the
whole day before she rung the sweat from her hair and massaged the oils
and ejaculate between her thighs and down her legs, up past her navel and
along her shoulders between her breasts and around. The second of the lady
had a sort of metallic smell to her skin. Too much iron he concluded and
the girl agreed with a giggle. She begged him to kiss her and lick the
iron sweat from her parts. He felt his stomach and his salivating glands
choking his throat. The woman with the steel sword seemed to motion him a
choice. He chose to taste the girl and all her parts and felt the
vibrations in her body as she sang him a lore. He refused to eat for days
later and he only wanted water poured across his lips, cold and slow. The
lady in the next days was shiny and every part of her was firm and smooth
to the touch. She laid down her weapons and poured salt and oil on the
back of her neck and it ran to her feet. The other women, including the
queen, used their finger tips to slide the granules into her pores and
parts. Each area was then scraped clean. She tempted his neck first and
his ear lobe. Then she bit his chin and sucked the taste from his beard.
Then she bit his lip and then the other and moved inside his mouth. She
moved to the other side. She sucked his fingers and licked his swollen
head. She bit his inner thighs and the back of his calves. She scratched
his back in long pressured motions. She felt each hair as it stood up with
energy. Each pulse beneath his skin had hastened her heart. Each muscle
contraction made her body tense and relax. He began to feel a fire in his
body so deep that it began to catch his soul. He became frightened and
tried to move as if to run. They told him he was free to run or come or
stay or go as the confusion in him grew. He felt around frantically for
his armor. All that was there was her codpiece and she gave it to him with
pleasure. She placed it directly where he wanted it and waited until he
felt secure. As her hands moved to grasp his maximus muscles he fell into
a trance as she needed and rubbed and released his body to his soul. The
piece fell to the floor as he reached for his own sword. But it was no
use. He had only enough tenuous strength left to say, "hey queeny Mayb,
you and i should go somewhere where we can be alone. I've been thinking of
some things you and i could be doing together and this fantasy ain't gonna
be able to do it all." Then she remembered how selfish he had been. How
difficult it was for him to stay or to hear him say the love words. She
thought mayb if she were to tie his hands back around the tree and place
her panties in his mouth, then she could do what she had in mind instead
of listening to him go on about what he expected. 3:34 PM1 viewSunday,
July 20, 2008 What To Say Or Not To Say?is this a trick or a test? r we
trying to deduce what it isn't before we decide what it is? what is there
to say? do we enjoy talking to eachother? do we make eachother laugh? and
often? is there trust? is the silence comfortable? and have we been
destined to be together? and why are we distanced? r the differences too
great? what is this mysterious connection? and how do we come together?
11:28 AM1 viewWednesday, July 16, 2008 Ivyi am an honest and faithful and
diligent woman. i practice good deeds and good thoughts and positive
energy. i use my head and follow my heart and make treasure of my soul. i
give more and expect less. i am kind and caring. i cherish my family. i
seek value instead of riches. i speak with integrity and find virtue in
others. i use moderation and creativity. i know what it is to be in need,
and i know what it is to have plenty, and i have learned the secret of
being content whatever the circumstance. i keep patience and understanding
as a mantra. i seek peace without war and unity without conformity. i am
flexible and easy to please. i am so easily entertained. i read the bible
as well as a number of other philosophical chronologies. i give to the
church. i tend to the earth. children and animals and plants love me. i
find inspiration in the room, the stars, and the trees. i want to love and
have a vibrant life. i need health and good spirits to thrive. i don't
play head games or seek pleasure in emotional manipulation. i don't have
meaningless sex or shallow relationships. i don't like drama or deceit. i
don't want monotony or to dwell on the past. i refuse abuse in any way. i
don't believe in the devil. i am selfishly shy. i think way to much and
often about myself. i desire less work and more rewards. i need
unreasonable amounts of attention. i drink too much beer. i have a quick
and firey temper. i have found heated jealousy within. i get hives and
itching when i am stressed. sometimes i get red swollen chapped lips and
the sides of my mouth crack. i have a tare in my labia from a hard
childbirth. i had a beautiful child, out of wedlock. sometimes my feet
blister and crack from hiking in high heels, abuse, and neglect. i have
fibromyalgia and high anxiety accompanied by fatigue and depression. i am
seeking pain management. i get horrible garlic and onion breath (because i
love them deeply). i also have a very acidic body chemistry. my stomach
gets tumultuous from dehydration and poor nutrition. i starve for love and
affection. 2:15 PM4 viewsTuesday, July 15, 2008 Believe in your one true
soul; never to be duplicated...again. I wait for a sign. Something that
says... 'you will be here in the morning to hug me and bring me home...for
good' At the shore of a river of sticks, there is flooding and confusion
and pain. I wait for a sign. There is fire at my back and it seems the
only answer may be to go into the reptilian waters...again. I wait for a
sign. Stop, drop, and roll as opposed to running around telling everybody
that the world is on fire. You will come for me soon. In so many ways. I
wait for a sign. Could've tried harder...to be myself. Should've called
earlier and talked more soberly. Would've been more mature and walked into
your life at an earlier time. Wanted to be there for you. In so many
ways. Wished that I had the nerve to show up... again. -- In certain
terms: may we be the best of friends and family, may we be forever allies,
may we find solace in comfort and serenity, may we find shelter in joy and
laughter, may we grow with strength and prosperity and make wishes with
wisdom, may we learn from weakness and find protection from fear, may we
seek goodness and love for All eternity -- a great friend gave this to me,
and I want you to have it: "a friend is one to whom one may pour out all
the contents of ones heart, chaff and grain together; knowing that the
gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and
with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." -- c. Dampier 1991 --i
miss you desperately. please think of me soon. 4:00 PM2 viewsTuesday, July
08, 2008 DeudameI was so glad to hear from him. I hardly believe it was
you. But you called for me! I am in Heaven! I didn't know what to say. I
didn't know I wasn't supposed to say anything. I didn't know what not to
say. I wanted to say everything all at once. I was hoping to just say
anything. (very awkward feeling) In shock I was. You know that moment
righht before you're putting the jar in to seal? Is everything gonna turn
out all right, spice and all? or could it explode right in your face? oh
the pressure! i love it. "Though we be lands apart, our hearts be as
one." i was hoping to be more patient and let the line be still for a
moment, that we might give ourselves some time to truly get on line and
say.... I Love You. hope to hear from you sooner than later. 9:44 AM5
viewsMonday, July 07, 2008 PRINT MEagreeing is easy to do. for you. and
me. especially when the garden is involved. NOW survival... we'll have to
catch up with eachother on the details. and then as always goals and
expectations and desires may be discussed. i have been hoping forever to
agree with the man that wants to agree with me. on a long term basis of
course. and...Argh you serious? you really want to get................
...................... me to walk the plank? (har har har) With Honor,
Captain! hope you like two swim too. Mayb we can learn to communicate like
fish. I give you kisses like im breathing, and you rub up against my fins
once in a while to show you care. ?whatya think? ["Ahhh! but this one i
'Did' intend for you: - - - nd 'be prepared'-- -no end-"] 1:56 PM1
viewSunday, July 06, 2008 Founding Fathers Meet Lady
Libertyhttp://www.ladylibrty.com/bill_of_rights_n.html
www.libertyforall.net http://xroads.virginia.edu/~cap/liberty/lady_frm.htm
www.aclu.org 4:22 PM4 viewsSunday, June 29, 2008 tree-house storiesShe
wanted to tell him that she knew what is was to be a broken woman. That
she knows how to love, she did not know how to talk deity nor dirty, and
that she thought men liked those sorts of things. Pretending was something
she didn't know how to do. To be sorry was something she did not know
either. She wanted to know how to tell him. She wants him to be happy and
to find a life that he could thrive in. She wants to be happy and to find
a life that she would thrive in. She understands that mayb she can never
be perfect. That perfection is something that already is and nothing to be
found. She believes mayb he was something perfect. Then she began to see
inadequacy and imperfection. How she wanted to be everything and yet
thought she was nothing. She knew also what nothing was. She never wanted
him to know this. She already knew how to say she was sorry. She knew
sorry never says you are wrong; it simply implies sympathy. She didn't
know much about that; empathy makes more sense. She wants him to say he is
sorry for leaving her out in the cold, vicious world to be alone with the
wolves. Though, she had begun to love those wolves inspite. Of this, she
knew appreciation. Of this, she loved the moon. After all this mayb love
is all we need to know. 9:42 PM11 viewsSaturday, June 28, 2008 Then she
began to- write like it didn't matter anyways. The type O's the fowl
language; they didn't mean anything anyways. Any body was listening any
ways. How angry could she get? How seductive could she be; without the
love and the sex and the beauty of it? What did it mean? She stepped up.
That was what she needed to do for herself. She needed. That was what she
needed. Else there was something else? She found that something else a
long long time ago when she stepped up. In fact it wasn't time. It was
love. God, she needed love. Love felt like pricks and needles and carefull
down. She wanted to know more. To know more was what was needed. Kneaded
was a word she longed for. Aching muscles and a forlorned back made her
strong and weakened her senses. There was numbness around her sensitive
parts. He didn't mind. She just kept going. They kept hoping. One day
there was a stumbling across. Damnit it hurt. He knew it cause he saw it
cause she wore it like a crown. It was on her sleeves and her leaves.
Un-natural discomfort began to set in for the arms that grew around. What
did he want anyways? She had nothing to offer except for heart sleeves and
autumn leaves. He didn't even want to know about the beauty they might
bring. Suddenly as it was made, the cover came off and they were bare to
behold. She opened her mouth to speak truth and joy. She enjoyed that
right there in her naked mouth. She couldn't even speak. She kept wording
and tongueing hoping that something gracious would come out. Only nothing
did. He couldn't call out. It was sad. She came everday hoping that
something would come out. Of this he said, "I love.". Of this she said, "I
know." She knew how it felt; to love. To be seductive of that idea for the
greater good. Then she removed her mouth and what was there. She sat on it
for a while and decide that he might need something more direct. He might
need to feel her lips to know that she loved him and that he could come
every night and never feel badly. He could even mess up and still have the
sunshine out his ass. Whatever she could say wrong was probably the right
thing to say. She remained silent because words were for speakers and she
was a rhythm. He didn't know. She could understand. They stayed far away
from eachother as long as the sex would stand. Niether knew how far away
it could take them. Who could care when there was feelings so tight and
something so big beginning inside them. All this was so dirty anyhow. Too
much work, too much trouble; to keep simple and sterile was so much
easier. He went away. She stayed away. Then she looked up. Then he looked
up. Then she looked down. Then he wanted to know what she was looking at.
She didn't know. She wouldn't understand down. He couldn't understand
down. Then they looked up for once in really long time. It was nuts. The
two enjoyed the view very much. They held these amazing things in common.
The two enjoyed it for a very long time. 12:09 AM8 viewsThursday, June 26,
2008 Say Something Meaningful"Our ancestors pickled many vegetables to
preserve them for winter eating. Salt and acetic acids in the vinegar
inhibited growth of microorganisms that rotted food or even made it toxic.
Cucumbers was the most common vegetable that was pickled, but beets,
greenbeans, cabbages, radish pods, okra, and hot peppers were also
preserved. Watermelon rind pickles were especially popular in the
Mid-Atlantic states. 4:39 PM9 viewsMonday, June 23, 2008 GrimrWhat is this
numbness? Do you care to know why? Is it in the air? Is it in the sky?
Does it poison the food? Does it get you high? Where does it come from?
Will it make you die? When did it get here? What can it buy? Is it simple,
complex? Does it wear a tie? Is it in the water? Will it make you cry?
Does it come with knowledge? Is it really a lie? How can we see it? Is it
in the eye? Who feels pain? What is the sigh? Why should I care? Aren't we
all gonna fry? 10:18 PM1 view browse entries:older ¯ View all weblog
entries Top Tags - Weblog define food free fun garden house love medicine
music nature notes plant project recipes research resource seed stories
tree water View all tags Name: hypgnostic Gender: Female Member Since:
5/16/2008 - - - - re-mayd.txt ree-mayd.txt - - - - v2-27-08 . 2pm
responses got back from mayden108.txt love-letter posted to many girls at
xanga.com\deuda_m ??3sp in jan-2008 BLOGC.TXT not1but liked parts misd
cuz pntd alrdy COLDH.TXT see pic DUNO.TXT not1but liked EUP.TXT not1but
liked maydnz.txt LIVIN.TXT godly answer: your fantaseez are killing you!
RUBR.TXT JESSY.txt not1but liked sass.txt no1but liked. accendently sent
her eup! strange-girls respond better if you ask them to send your
love-letter to someone they know. eg.please send 'so-and-so-name' this
message, i cant find her. (then post love-letter..eg.maydn108) girls like
to reed stuff. and feel for you if they think they can get in2you.
3nd-hand. they feel they have in-site to you, a secret advantage.
blogc.txt - - - - from xanga.blog clipd 1-23-08 I'm sick of getting off
by myself. I need you to rub your hard cock all over my clit and make me
cum. I want to see that throbbing head slide between the lips of my pussy
and get all wet with my juices. You can slowly thrust into me just to get
me excited, and then when I'm screming your name you can start driving me
as fast and as long as you can. Feel my nails down your back and my hips
thrust up at you. And then when your on the verge I want to take that
hard dick of yours in my mouth and suck until I feel the hot cum spurt on
my tongue, tasting you and me. I'll suck and suck till every last drop is
out. And that's only the beginning...etc.. I held his dick steady and
lowered myself onto him until my ass was resting on his balls. His cock
felt swollen and huge inside me, and I could feel it jerking before I'd
even started to move. Stripping off my blouse, I unhooked my bra and
Mark rose to bury his face in my breasts, sucking and licking at them. As
I began moving up and down, I savored the attention he was giving my
tits. Then I gasped when he took a nipple between his teeth and rolled it
around with his tongue. I hugged him closer to my chest as he nipped and
nibbled, unable to do anything but moan and keep rocking on his dick.
Then the gentle fucking wasn't enough; I needed to be fucked senseless
again. I began riding him as hard as I could, slapping my cunt against his
pelvic bone and digging my fingers into his pecs. "You need it hard, don't
you?" he asked, and then lifted me off him before I had a chance to agree.
He pulled one stocking leg off my foot and then spread my legs as wide as
possible before sinking his dick back into my sopping hole. "Yes!" I
cried so loudly that it was almost a scream. I had never felt so
completely full, so animal-like in my needs and desires. Mark fucked me
relentlessly, hard and fast, and I never wanted it to stop. "I can't hold
back much longer," he warned, and I squeezed him tight with my pussy
muscles to give him the go-ahead. A second later, I felt Mark's cock
swell inside the tight confines of my cunt. Then he gripped me even
harder and gave an almighty yell as he shot his load deep inside me. I
collapsed onto the floor as his hot cream filled my body, those seductive
black pantyhose now ripped and ruined but still attached to one of my
feet. Then I sucked the traces of our sex off his softening cock until he
was completely clean. "You should dress like that more often," Mark
said, sighing deep as he stroked my mussed hair. "I intend to," I told
him as I peeled off the damp pantyhose. The next morning, I put them in
Mark's pocket so that he would find them while he was at work and be
reminded of what a kinky night we'd had together. When he called me at
lunchtime, I got him off again by describing what had happened in graphic
detail.HYPERLINK "http://www.xanga.com/yrjessyride/638736350/item.htm
" 10:06 PM - >- - coldh.txt: Might I ask what your strange fascination
is with me? And I know you not, for I do not use xanga much any longer.
And what is your name? And do not hate, there is too much in the world as
it is. Learn to love, learn to appreciate, learn to live. Do not focus on
the bad things in this world for it will drag you down with it. Might I
ask what I have to do with all of this? And the use of such a long
message? And pay no heed to my previous posts, for they are not me any
longer. Like I said, I halted my updates for this site. How can you use me
when you know me not? I could be a horrendous person, you never know. And
I do know a man takes something of a woman's, but often the man leaves
something behind for the woman. It has been done. I will not be able to
reply to every question nor every subject due to lack of time. Which makes
me ask how the hell you found time to write all that? And I cannot tell
you my heart, for it is the mystery left for those willing to figure it
out. Quite honestly, I do not follow rules. Not unless I know they make
sense and serve a purpose. Did you know a lot of what you wrote
contradicts itself? Once again I ask how you can write that to me. What
makes you say all that? Posted 1/24/2008 11:42 AM by ColdHearted20456 -
delete - flag Spam Bullying Sexual - - duno.txt: feel weird inside. 9:19
PM - add eprops - add comments - email it Thursday, January 24, 2008 im
really excited i got a new book NINETEEN MINUTES by Jodi Picoult '--
marlenes rubbing off on me again lol 4:01 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment -
email it Tuesday, January 15, 2008 you know what! let whatevers supposed
to happen HAPPEN no me importa lo que pasa ya making MY dreams come true*
4:40 PM - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it Sunday, January 13, 2008 making
my dreams come true 6:36 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it Friday,
January 11, 2008 you know... today i realized that im stressed. ive been
braking out and it only happens when im getting my period which is not the
case right now; being stressed sucks but INT really helps :] 7:19 PM - add
eprops - add comm - - eup.txt: Thursday, January 10, 2008 People views on
sex.Where can i find my type of people? The friends i have, i don't know
anymore. I don't feel a connection with them at all. They're just there or
i am just there. I hate it. Feeling like i'm just there with no real
purpose other then to make bold statements now and then on how i view
things in comparison to them. Hitting them down so to say - i'm very
sarcastic and that can be draining, i believe what i believe. Sad to say
i'm narrow minded sometimes. Where do i find people who are like me? I
can't handle them, no they're like i don't know. Sleep with people for the
heck of it. Because its fun. FRACK!!!! It upsets me. I do believe in some
traditional view regarding sex and how far to go with someone you are
dating for like a week. I don't know. They have no logic. I can't take
that. I know sex is apart of life, how we got here in the first place but
i hate how its being abused and taken likes its really nothing serious. Is
sex just the in 'thing' to do when your in highschool? Think about AIDS
and other STD's/STI's, they're not invincible, condoms don't protect you
100% - slip ups are most likely going to occur. I worry for them.
Everything is just about sex. May be i'm just too naive and sensitive on
the subject on sex but thats me for you i have never actually been with
someone, i don't know what its like but i'm feeling the pressure to find
someone - and jump right into it with closed eyes when i'm simply not
ready for sex. I'm so terrified. My mother worked at a school for 1-6 year
olds... the stories she has told me -horrifying- 6 year olds have done
more then i have and that makes me sad yet again. When your 6 years old
your suppose to do things that don't involve sex be care free and all
that. When i was 6 i wasn't aware of what sex was and i was happy. I miss
those times, i do. ha ha ha. Today, they have to know what is happening in
the real world and be prepared to make mature decisions but thats going to
hell - its all a joke, a big fucking joke. These few weeks i have been
slowly losing my mind. Funny people in my mind are staring at me, mocking
me, making me feel like i'm an alien on this planet for not having sex
when most teens are going wild on it. What are your views on sex, would it
horrify me? lol. I'm just kidding, i accept we all are our own person.
Just, you should do what is right for you.. be considerate of others/ be
careful but who am i to preach. I wonder if "real love" is out there,
somehow i doubt it is for me being cynical sucks. I needed to get that off
my chest, sorry if it offend people but again if it does boo-hoo. i'm a
loser and i'm 17(almost 18 in 3 months) and our attitude is a 'i don't
care' one. What would you do in my situation, how would you cope if you
had my views? I lecture because my parents do, i realized. Awh noes! Me is
doomed. hahahaha. -m PS: let peace be with ya. and when you find it please
share! livin.txt: - - - Hello slave, no i don't write nice either,hate me
if you please,but i meen well. i call you slave because you are one, a
slave to self, the worst kind. all your words & logic say "i do nought but
that pleases me" this is why you "do-not". i don't care if you know all
this, you don't KNOW it , so i write. what does our creator care about
,slave ? the souls of man kind. this should be the concern of you & i, not
our joys & pursuits. our selfishness causes polution in the souls of our
fellow man & the earth. we cannot free ourselves , slave, we must have
help. but yet again, God wil not free one who will not free them self.
both are true. (this is faith.)you must obey the truth you have & the door
to freedom will open. this is HARD. you are no more evil than i. (meening
you are evil & so am i.)humans are evil, not our flehs & bone, but our
soul. the only difference betwen us is you know the truth but do not. we
are damed by what we know. i do the same thing but i will not give up, i
will keep the truth in sight & go 4 it. by this i shall be pure through he
who is, the Lord Jesus Christ. slave ,the hereafter is your choice. time
,though valuble, is not more so than one soul. you should read my blog, to
the end. fantacy is killing you. good by slave. amber PS i'm not the only
one with my pass word, as you may have figgured. Posted 1/27/2008 8:50 PM
by living4god4ever - deletelivin.txt: - - my reply, as a general
statement: i was thinking about love letters the other day . and how much
they mean, how many smiles. and how well they go with a cup of coffee. and
then i open yours . initial reaction? . pretty surprised . questions of
who, how, why. you can't blame me for asking, right? questions of how many
times our paths have crossed in reality if at all . and looking over the
faces of the familiars . for any sign of life, or what great signs of
poetry. so moving on from curiosity to wariness . my feelings are strange
even to me . and my heart is easily given, but just as easily bruised. and
taken back for repair . and, in all honesty, i have a reserve in mind .
pale eyed and making notes that linger in the air. and my own head . and i
look forward to the walks and talks . but feelings, reciprocal? don't know
. do care . but, though my heart seems tied . it's not yet bound . so you
want to know the steps . the handbook of my game . with all its
complicated rules and tricks . and attention span . step 1: catch the eye.
it's simple, really . it can be as easy as me seeing you . really seeing
you . and knowing you're special . one look . one shy smile . i'm not big
on the initial reciprocation . because eyes and smiles are generally
intense . have you noticed that? . eyes are windows . windows show the
world that goes on for miles . and sky that's endless . is there ever any
wall to the eyes? . i think not . so there's that . simple, i know . i
guess maybe complications are kind of filled with simplicity . people are
easier to figure than you think . but the glances are important . shyness
that does not imply being shy . and eyes that glaze over with intentions .
it's a big step, so lightly entered into . without a lot of regard to
consequences . on to step two: . the little things. i know, i know . i'm
repeating myself . but compliments . fingers slipping between fingers .
little notes slipped into books . kisses stolen because you just can't
wait . but waiting is important . don't get me wrong . integral part of
the wooing process . and all . but moving on . step three: . there is no
step three . it's all different and i must say . i'm no good at this game
. i lose pretty regularly . and go directly to jail is something i hear
quite often . bankruptcy, all my pink fifties gone . this is monopoly .
not hungry hippos . definitely not candyland . which i always like
because the snow queen was so pretty . with the blue hair? . so my point .
i don't know how to win . and i guess i need a better playing partner .
had some bad ones in the past . and one of us always trips up the others .
i like to say things fast . and i'm not a novelist . not in the
traditional sense . so my only questions are as priorly stated . because
there is no picture for relation . and no id to tag thee . so i'm at a
loss . i'm sorry . but i can't fall for a blank slate . even if pretty
words are gift with purchase . do i know you? do we talk? . are those
pretty words stuck in your head when we look at each other? . all those
shy smiles with no sentences . and maybe lingering music notes? . that's
the end of this particular sonnet . and i have nothing more to word . but
i'm interested for yours . so let's hear it . let's hear the secrets . and
the sonnets . continued on page three . end. Posted 1/25/2008 2:26 PM by
rubberbands4liberty - delete - flag Spam Bullying Sexual - - jessy.txt:
Saturday, July 14, 2007 Sergei leans against the sink, watching me lower
myself into the bath. The hot soft water felt so good now against my
passion pussy. I cannot help but looked at the growing bulge in his pants
as I relaxed in the bath with hot water, and involuntarily I start to
touch my pussy, under the bubbles until I let out a low moan. Sergei
looked hard at me and I cup my hands over my wet breasts, rubbing my
thumbs over my strong nipples. I couldn't stand the excitement between my
legs any longer, and hooked one leg over the rim of the bathtub. Sergei
looked at my exposed pussy; his dick was going so hard to get out of his
pants now. So I put my hands down my body, ending between my legs. I
slipped a finger inside my wet pussy, and start to massage my clitoris,
he started moaning. Unable to take any more Sergei pulls his zipper down,
letting his hard jerking dick flip out. Stroking it his eyes never leave
me, we both were looking at each other watching what our hands were
doing. Our gaze remains locked as we continued to relax ourselves. "Oh God
I am going to feel orgasm", I moaned. In an instant, Sergei was beside
me, pulling me up to my feet. His hard dick was between my legs, I push
my body against him. The head of his thick strong dick lay against my wet
lips, pushing them apart, allowing the rest of his hard dick entry. He
was kissing me, and gripping my body hard as he started thrusting into me.
I feel goose bumps from the cold fresh air, but his body was warm and
very hard pressed against me. I cling to him, and he quickens his trust
deepest and deepest inside me. It was the feeling of nearing orgasm had
returned. I gasped as the waves of orgasm ripped through my whole relaxed
body. My pussy spasms around Sergei's dick. It was everything he needed to
push him over the edge. He shot his hot cum into me, pumping harder and
harder shooting more. 8:44 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it
Saturday, June 30, 2007 He still wanted to tease, slowly pulling it out
and then slooooowly sliding it back in. I thought I was going to go
crazy!! I reached forward and grabbed his ass with both my hands and
pulled him deep inside of me and held him there. I bit my bottom lip,
closed my eyes, and tilted my head back, enjoying the feeling of being
completely filled. He squeezed my tits with both hands and started to go
in and out faster. I groaned to show him thats what I wanted. I stuck two
fingers in my mouth and sucked on them while he pounded my pussy harder
and harder. I reached down and felt as his dick went in and out of me..
8:19 PM - 6 eprops - 3 comments - email it Thursday, June 21, 2007 He was
about come and..."Oh, and then he squirted, honey!...He shot his juicy cum
in my mouth and his cock was twitching and just kept shooting...Somehow he
got his finger back in my cunt and pushed it in really far and then
started fucking my hot, little pussy again while his cock emptied in my
mouth. I swallowed all of his warm cum he had and figured he was done, but
he wasn't honey. He was really a young stud and after he finished coming
in my mouth, his dick was still hard...He pulled me up by the hair...it
didn't really hurt, but he laid me on my back and got on top of me."
Moving over her, "he rubbed his chest on mine and my tits were brushing
across his muscular chest and then I reached down and took his hard dick
in my hand and put it against my clit...He moved the head of his cock
around, massaging my clit...Oooh, and honey, the head of his cock was just
so close to the opening of my pussy and I couldn't stand it anymore and
pulled his dick inside of me and he just buried his cock in my pussy.
Oooh, honey, he was fucking my cunt really gooood, and he held my tit in
his hand and caressed it and, well, you know how that just drives me crazy
when you do that. I wanted him to come again....mmmm....I wanted that warm
spunk of his to fill my pussy. I didn't think he'd be able to come again
so quickly, but he did...mmmm....we came together...honey. Hmmm...and
honey, I was moaning and making a lot of noise as I came. I think he tried
to quiet me down by putting his lips over mine and drowning out the noise
but I was shaking on the bed and he just kept fucking his cock into pussy
until my body tensed up one final time...I could feel my fingernails
[tear] into his back...he pinched my nipples between his fingers and
thumbs even harder and mmmm, ....he really squeezed hard. My whole body
quivered and I knew he was filling my hot pussy with his cum,
honey...mmmm, it felt so good, baby, it really did. I still wanted to fuck
him some more, and then suck his cock....wanted to taste his cum mixed
with my pussy juice and just suck it and suck it...I wanted him to come
again and again....to squirt his warm cream onto my tongue." 4:10 PM - 2
eprops - 1 comment - email it Saturday, April 21, 2007 Tonight I'm going
out with my hair made up and in the sexiest black, low cut, tight dress I
have, with black heels and thigh high stockings. I'm gonna dance and get
hot. I'm gonna be so sophisticated and fuckable. And when I get home I'm
gonna get on cam with someone and strip down to only the stockings and
heels. I'll do it slow and teasing and I'll let that someone pick the toy
they want me to use and tell me everything they want me to do, and I'll do
it like a good little slut. Will that someone be you? Please make it you.
3:18 PM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it Saturday, April 14, 2007 We have
fun splashing each other and swimming in the waves then you pick me up and
carry me back over to the blanket. As we lay down on the blanket I know
that you are going to take me to paradise again. You get on your knees
between my legs and start rubbing your cock over my clit. I arch my back
to trying to get your cock into my pussy. You then slide just the tip of
your cock into me teasing me. You start sliding a little more each time
and you feel my pussy tighten around your cock wanting more. I beg you
please give it to me. You slam your cock into me as I arch my back. After
a few strokes you pull out and tell me to turn over. I get my hands and
knees as I look back at you knowing that I am going to get my ass fucked.
You grab the oil and squirt some into my ass. You then rub the oil into my
asshole and slowly insert a finger into my ass. I moan oh yes that is what
I want. You then rub some oil on your hard cock getting ready to give it
to me. You then slowly start to put your cock in my ass. As the tip of
your cock slides into my ass you reach around and rub my clit. I then
shove my ass back sliding your cock into my ass, moaning yes. You start to
slowly stroke in and out of my ass going a little faster each stroke. I
can feel your cock stretching my tight ass and it feels so good. Also, I
just found this great article on Adult Online Dating, maybe it will help
everyone get happy and laid. 9:14 PM - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it
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http://groups.xanga.com/groups/group.aspx?id=630112 sass.txt: - - - - wow
u really spaek ur mine n let what u think is right not change by what
everyone else says!!!! im on ur side ive never had sex n my view on it is
if ur in love n if ur married than have the time of ur life with ur love
but if other wise than wiat the time will come when u will b reasy for
sex!!!! teenager arent ready to have sex they jus are hormonic n they
think they are ready but they arent.They are just in the prosses of
becomeing ready!!!! im goin to wait till i am married yes the preasure is
tough but im standing for what i think is right!!!! i think its geat u
speak ur mind n u can talk to me ne time!!!! =) your friend n a person u
can talk to ne time!!! =) Amber!!!! Posted 1/31/2008 5:25 PM by
sassy_babe_4_ever - delete - flag Spam Bullying Sexual -no end- - - - -
s8-408c.txt - 20min left? 10min? 2min! write well, my deer-sister. - April
02, 2008 5:11 PM Anonymous said... something is wrong. what is wrong? is
it even a real word? i'm not shore. how to fix...? missunderstanding? no
ID. aaaah. ummm...clueless...again. walking in the dark. why does this
feel so natural to me? walking in the dark. I dunt need eyes to see. the
more years, the more i feel...this. sound though...i love sound. sexy
noises turn me (my ears) on. i'm shore i'll be deaf at 80. hope=cocclear
implants fyi: Everything sounds pornographic these days. "wait, i'm
coming" oh,...ahhhh! i canut handle it. what the F is wrong!!?? ...with
me. with me...you need to be with me...so that i can be...normal...?again?
(driving down the road one day, and It/depth-of-Love-for-you hit me like a
Mac truck) i so didnut plan this. i wish i would have planned this. it'd
be so much easier. i cood feel easier. i swear i try to stop these sinfull
thoughts. try to think/type norml stuff. ie: "why is the sky blue?" and
all i can think of is, "i want to color the sky, with You. blue, green,
whatever...All You." Jesus, help me. -- so im hearing you want me to type
you out of 'loving' (me) -- "~when you say you love me, I say you
better!!!!~" The (real/best) WHO -- if you want to remain distant...it
aint with me babe. if you want someone to tell you what to do...it aint
with me babe. if you want perfection...it aint with me babe. If you say
You need me...I say you'd better! love that song! All Most as much as I
Love Lions. -- ps. the real, sexy, love-letter refuses to be published.
The Pride is restraining The Beast. The Zoo needs to remove some fences
before it can become a happy Home. also...i love/need you n i dunt want
to...what do i do? April 18, 2008 7:04 AM im talking without thinking
again...(no time.) i love you. you keep conflicting worlds bearable. evry
hour...using you to beat it. every day. every morning. always you. - i
know you dont want to love/need. my garden grows cuz of what you have
done. i dont care what you do next. but... if love was planted... then it
wants to grow... even today... always using maydns words... to go another
step. into a most beautiful way. for me to go. thank you.. no matter
what. will 'hap'n next. - ... - . . . did you say 'depth-of-love' . . i
need to report.. it only happend 5-times? but only when thuts of you
come. i need to report.. a strange rise in my chest. i dont know what it
is... its not those 'chest-aches' i always get those for you. this 'rise'
is different. like somthing in me is.. reaching for you.. almost bursts my
chest... then settles back down... quick as it came... like a
rooster-bird. i dont know what this is. its always about you. im tired of
being 'MALE' it gets confusing. but i report things you do to me. even if
no 'sense' is in it. but i report things you do to me. even if no 'sense'
is in it. - (.next comment.) more dreemy-architecture: book:building with
earth. earth-bag construction. rob and jaki Roy earthwood building
school. other 'schools': carla emery, elpel:outdoor. nyerges:self
reliance. - always twisting maydn into some of these ideas... thats guys
for you. but then... i keep moving out and away... till i 'WANT' to study
basic survival study stuff.. it dont come naturaly for me.. i got to tell
my heart what to love... that takes walking out' into the unknown where
im forcing myself to listen.. anyone can stay with the crowd. floating
into a lazy mass of death-camps..it easy.. sit at home. do nothing.
trouble comes qwiq that way. i try to run from it. i find happiness...
when i do. so i do. and i go. and i love you so. - - - - - song508p.txt
begin copy: (not htm mooshd) 4-15-08 scripturemusic.net and
oraclesofgod.org: papers one of two: the miracle is the words of god,
spoken, and believed. not emotion, not signs, not faith, but effect: faith
in gods words. john6:29 spirit of document: words that bring-to-mind the
song, when all you have is this when out camping. see also
strawberry-songs 3-31-08, if gods words are light than we Are in a
spiritual-battle. words against words, worlds, kings. prefix: (check for
accuracy) xmat5,6?,7,xRev1,ps107,1john14,4?,deu6:4-5Heb,xRev2-4,col3:15-16
2cor4:6,xps93,gal1:3-5grace2u,xRev4:st.jn:mx:5:39+6:48+7:38+8:7+12i-am..th
litof th-wr.brdolif,songs 17-37:2thes2:16+17,xEz28:12-19,ps139:17-18precio
s are yrth,xRev6,ps5:7+8+12butas4me,xPs.82,ep.1thes2:19,3:12,4:1:ipraythat
he grace..is it not you,john3:8,xRev8:7th
seal,jesu:mx?:luke6:35+36+45b(mat5:44):love
enemies,xIsa29,john15:5,ep.1pet1:7trial.attrevofj,song#30:xRev9:1-12:5th
trump,luke21:36counted worthy,xPs2,ps148:praise all
ye,john20:17,xRev9:13-21:6th angl,luk10:41:mx:care=anxi-s,song#37:acts:sho
unto us the way of salvation.?,xps6:O-lor rbukme-not,songs 38-59:
ps89:15+isa3:1+10:20+30:12+48:2+ho13:13:mx:blesed rthpepl whokno
thjoyfl-sond:3x,prov30:5+6,xRev10,ps74:22prv31:9:Arise an
pleed,xmark13,jam1:12:blsdisthmanwho-ndrstmp,ps19:14,xRev11:1-14,samuel-ps
35:5?:4iknothat..thL.lvt,x:mx:thy-shtd
crucify-him,ps21:thKingshljoynthystrng, ep.:mx:?:ltus-not grwry
whldngd,song#50:xRev:11:15?-19:7th angl,xpsalm22:Eli Eli
Lama,ps?:(rom12:19,le19:18,lu18:3)donot say-ay i..wl
repay-evil:2x.wt4thL:2x.anhewlsvu,ps27:10-13:whnmyftr,xRev12:awmn
clthd,xPs23:YwYis myshprd.,Job?:ikno.whtsovrgd dth.itshlb4evr-er,ps56!:In
gd! iwl,ep:col2:16+17:xm:donotltany1-judg-U..whch
R-ashdo.ofthgsthtRcmn:2x..bttbdyischst,substnc,xRev13:666,songs 60-80 of
110: deut5:29(1ch4:9)mx:O-thtihd schnhrt-nme,wl
children!,mbro+sis,thy+ol,ps116:15+?+mx:Hw
prcs,isa38:19+ez18:31,isa38:17b,41:9ps?:th-livn-man..he
shlpras-u.asidothsday:2x,xRev14:144,000,
song#64:Isa13:ThDoomofBab,ps126:6+3:He thtgoth,weepeth precious
seed,ps9:6-8:o-tho-en-nemy.dstrctnsRcm2nnd,xRev:15?:sevenvials,song#68:xIs
14:3-27:A-nd itshlcm2ps..no feller,song#69:ps18:1-4+31:mx?:i wl love thee
oL!,ps130:3+4:if You O,xRev:a mystery.a
womn.mystery-baby,xRev15:3b+4:(chant)manifest,
song73:ps134behold!,xRev:18???..comotof
her,song#75:isa63:1-6:(band)whoisths, song#76:Zech3:7b:If You wl
wlk,xRev:19 correct wording:(men-sing darkly:)Allelujah! slva hnr glry
b2ourgd (nar:yng-man boldly+slowly:) hehth jdgd thgrt-whor. wchdid
corpt-thrthwth,right-of saints+?spirit of
prophecy,song#78:ps121:5-8:ThL.isthKepr!,song#79:Rev19:11-16:re-sung,song#
0:xRev20:Andisaw anaglcmdnfmhvn1000 years,songs 81-110 of
110:xEx15:1-19:Iwlsing.un2YwY.,ps51:7+john1:29:mx:purgme.wash-me,song#83:x
ev21:1-8,song#84:xRev21:1-8,prov.16:18:pride cmthb4,song#86:x2thes2:1-17:
aboutthcoming,xRev22:Anhe shwdmea pure river,song#88:xpsalm100:(not
aggresive)Makajoyfl,prov16:3:(slowr)co-mit.roll.,song#90:prov14:26,27(in
hebrew)fear.children.fountain of life,xEz31:2b-31pharo,song#92:
xEz13:(live), xisa26,27,28,53,55,42,xjoel1,2,3,xjohn10,17,15:live,xmatt23,
ps6,24,38,8,8,misd:2thes2:17,james1:17-20(woman-singer),xHab3(hrd-rock-mus
c),total:110, my two songs:ho14:turn2thlo-ord!,micah7:18-20who is a
god,more songs: reggae: dont follow babylon...him always wrong. work for a
living. i am a family man, i am i am. tin soldier. international panic.
hello baby krishna. other nwo notes found on paper: ??? end of paper two
of two 4-15-08 scripture-songs cd-rw notes. -end of prefix- forthtime wlcm
whnthey wilnt 'end-uR'sound-words, but heap2thmselvs 'gides' via
itchy(ilikethis-emotional?enchantment?)h-ears. forthouhst glorifiedthy
WORDS above-all-thy-name. main song-list mem: x:oraclesofgod.org, else is
scripturemusic.net mx:a mixture of scriptures, bible concepts and-or
authors own words added. -- - - - strm8.txt strm8.txt - - - - v1-27-08
apparently someone responded to maydn108m grandma.txt at
re-chat.blogspot.com streem-8 even if i have-to RAM-YOU many times to
proove it..oR just till i get-it Right..maydn999.
"http://re-chat.blogspot.com/2006/07/stream-8.html" Anonymous said...IM so
afeared of you. But you are no beast. You are heaven sent if I've ever
known anything. I know you know if that is All we have to know. I have a
story writing here on my station, however I do not have enough time to
type it up and then proof-perfection it. This propose deserves proof and
perfection/protection. I have so many answers for you. For me, because of
you that cums easy. Believe me. I Will show you soon. Again I am Afeared
of you. Maybe that is the nature of This Nature. For now sweet man that I
have no way of confirming I will let my heart gush if only for your
museum. Later I will indulge you with a planned and prepared meal to feed
your inner lion and quench your thirsty soul. You want to know how I feel
right now? stupid. Now to get over that, because stupid does not exist
here and NOW. So let me continue on with a story of a young woman who grew
to care for herself at a very early age as women, i suppose are women
at...first menstration. But that is a male philosphy for a woman is a
woman in a woman's heart when she can care for herself. I happened to be
gifted. By none other than Him (L-detail that :-)i like that :-) Now
please don't get me wrong or let me be misunderstood or fall into the trap
of quote and missquote; I have doubt, I have failure, I Am human. Though i
am no Son and could never be anyones'Father'. I am permitted by custom and
command to love with all my Will/Heart. My Will, now, that is reserved
souly for God's Will. That is my Will. Kiesh? :-) Please do not worship me
or lay at my feet or place me on pedistals that I cannot fall down from.
So that I may not break anything for I like to think of myself as a
creator not a destroyer. I need you to be creative. However loosy goosy
that becomes. A-girl, A-Smart-Girls knows how to take care...of herself.
ALL the parts of herself. It is a gift. Some do not accept their gifts so
willingly. Some lust for desire and to have the image of a woman. God I
wish I had more time to be what a Woman should be. What I was created to
be. Yes, when I think on you All the parts of me become obvious. I hate
that, I hate that I need you. I think alot of girlies feel that way. And
bouys feel that they are not supposed to need anything. I think it is just
lies that have been told to people...whispered to people...to make them
sad and weakened to negative powers. Weakness in LOVE is the strongest
strength a power-being can have. Some just want to question God's love and
strugglle eternally with that. Some just take longer to see...that is All.
So my time is ticking too and the older I get the more I think of You/of
This. I'll admit. Other women/femm-fatals can try to control you...if you
let them then they will. Might they be struck down so that your heart can
see/feel the Truth. I will remain a lady for Now. Except, of course, in
the hay-loft. And even there will I be ever faithful and devoted. Ask God.
:-) The father of my child has been the one and only lover before and
since the day we parted. I Will have no other, until You are mine.
whatever the consequence of committing such thing cood bring. I
needed/need to know your level/ability of forgiveness and trust. Those are
a few of my requests to Our Father. I hope to see-them-through. Maybe this
might get easier as we go along. With you in my yang the difficulties seem
to fade away into beautiful simplicities.(by the way, this is so great, to
chronicle. I believe it could be so helpful and educational to any tribe
no-matter what demonimation) Love Can See Us Through. One Last Thing Until
We Meet Again: A Po-Em: Unknown:Little Tree House. Please build for me. A
house in a tree. Called the little tree house, The little tree house. I'd
like to be, In a house in a tree,Called the little tree house, The little
tree house. Simplest thing, There isn't much to it.You just climb a tree.
And nail everything to it. - - - - xcmts.txt - IT is Huge. Enormous.
Guy-normous, Stupendous. Need I say more? You know what IM talking about.
If you don't, please ask. I can add more... finess if need be. Call me!
Ms. Bias but I adore your Sight. What we have here is genious and IM all
aboot "gen-ious". You R in trouble tho. You know that...right? YouR not
going to like what I have to say or what IM going to do too...YouR gonna
LOVE it. Thats All there is to it. SO if we get bored or insecure, change
it. Strip... off the layers until we like it again and then we love it. We
Make love. Easy... Call me whatever You want just don't call me late for
breakfast. I Heart Breakfast. NOW You know. U tell me... I May either fuck
You fantastic or Make Love to You until you die. YouR CHOICE. Reminiscent
of pumps-clothed or pumps-nude. ?? Posted 3/12/2008 10:52 PM hip_gnostic
block delete love the boys. let them know they count. - 20min left? 10min?
2min! write well, my deer-sister. - Sent 4/2/2008 8:27 PM deuda_m block
delete Many nights I have tried to do whatever I could to get you off of
my mind. Every damn morning I wake up thinking about you. YOU! do you hear
that? This has been too real for me for way too long. My body confuses me
into hurting because you are not here next to me...or me there. It really
hurts. And there is nothing I can do about it...denial works
temporarily...for a few years maybe...then bam! it hits me all over
again...and I'm all giddied up about You again. And it keeps getting
worse. Especially now that I know I love you for everything that you are
and....you me. oh wow! oh God! when I think about that I want to passout.
I know what you speak of when you say "knit". I would love to find out
what that is about with you. Fascinating...aint it? I want you to be happy
and if this makes you happy and feel safe then this is what I need to do.
Understand, I am not so happy about virtual-love. I love connecting with
you on this level. I guess I really Love being able to say whatever I
really feel and get an opportunity to write something heart-felt, rather
than settle for whatever jumble of words I can manage to get out of my
swollen mouth. You do that to me. (you will find out later how much and
why) You have the advantage of mystery however. I have been pretty wide
open for some time now. I find it unfair. My advantage would be my ablity
to put thought into action. I want to show you. I want to use my hands and
make this idea about you physical into Life. It is a rather uncontrollable
desire. I have confidence in my hands. So... planning is great! And your
techniques I think will compliment mine. But I'm not sure why I don't
trust myself with you. This is so overwhelming. I am a quite simple
person. Less talk, More action. I need to get some stuff typed out to you.
Things just keeps cumming...everyday...every day. I have a difficult time
keeping up. what between survival and thrival... I listened to someone
speak the other day about that gut feeling that one can get about
something...it makes you take a deep deep breath and adds tremendous
motivation to seemingly ordinary things...well...then he went on to speak
about instinct and capacities for love. How important it is to Love with
all that we have. How we are supposed to recognize that feeling and say
"oh God, GIVE ME THAT!" and everything else works itself out. I want to
love you...whatever that means for us...with ALL that I can give, All that
I have, All that this mysterious heart is made up of. You show me that you
love me. By wooffing me and harvesting me local. I LOVE that! You know
what? I want more from you though, I don't know why. I know you want to
see-read something from me too that I may not be showing. A lifetime could
probably not be long enough to get to KNOW eachother...ALL the parts of
eachother. I think that is what makes having GOOD relationships fun and
alive. Sow that is what I do...I go slowly and patiently and get to know
you. You are a dream. Every time I take another look into you I sea
something else that I wished for. I believe in customed-partnerships.- OK,
now I have to put my clothes back on and go be late for work. You do me
Good, very very Good. please know that. You please me in soooo many ways
it is hard to speak about it. I want to put my hand in yours, look into
your eyes, and show you how much. That is all I can say right now. I hope
I do not confuse you with my native tongue...it is difficult to balance
simplicity with spirit. Such is life. I love you...more...and again... --
oooooo o o o o OX Posted 3/27/2008 10:42 A @deuda_m - Oh you are simply
gorgeous! Magnificently gorgeous! you like to hear-t - t-hat. i am sure.
before i furget cause its late and i'm in the country and get distracted
easily.. oh look an owl... and i've been hitting the sauce. (honestly) I
was born and bred to build what you have shown me. picture - no picture,
boy-who-is-a-friend or no-boy-who-is-a-friend. I can make those drapes
too. The glass-pane....now, that I'd have to technique. # or block glass.
Light is always more important and FEELz better than clarity. ( O Mr. Bee,
what the hell kind of glorious past life did I give to deserve you? (now
that is a sentence!) buzz buzz -#o I tried to say..."Oh I don't know what
I am going to do with you"...but you know what? By now, I have a pretty
decent idea of what I am going to do with you. The ono(non)-italcs type
slipped out. oooops This day is a good day, a very good day. My blood
brother dies yesterday-2 yaers ago. For you. to call me sister is an
honor. I became an Apache in 1999...really... the women accept me. I am
proud of that. Maybe that may--help you understand me some.more. If you
dare. My spirit is wild and honest maybe that is where I earn their
respect. I ve always felt a reverence for wild and open and vow to
preserve that in myself and ALL the spirit world. As Always, The strange
little white girl who talks too big and too soft, knows too much, carries
a big stick, who's daddy carries an even bigger stick, who knows and loves
the ways of natural living, with respect and genuine curiosity... ps. I
like the idea of chronicl-ing this "love-stuff", it is important. for so
many... my only wish is to make it better than what was shown to me. I
think I can do that. I think We might have something here... I am sorry
for the way that I am, I can't go back. Once you know, then you know...and
I know... You. I can feel You. I wish you can understand that. It's like
this air-irie that something has after it's been near you. A word/ a type
written word, has an air-irie after you've typed it. So what's up with
quatum-computers??? I get 60 percent of you...at best. Oh God how I
like-love biology so much better! Your chemistry feels sooo much better.
100% better --evry beat of my heart... --until I feel you again... --lets
see, what other yucky, lovey, squishy stuff can I cum up with? --
3/26/2008 Posted 3/26/2008 11:48 PM hip_gnostic block delete im getting
kinda exited about this new streem of yours better that strreem-8? i like
it here. i feel...free-er. to be me... but need two days... i hurt for my
sister and friend. you dont like to be called that. but there are many
things you are to me... and im trying to excercise (feed) them... cuz you
get plenty feed for lions. aredy and dont get nothing for the other
heart-parts you are and have. my girl starves and it gives me teers.
modern culture has forgotten.. how to love and feed parts of you i need.
and you dont like what i say cuz you dont get nothing along those lines.
just boy-friend crazy stuff... which i love reeding on you xanga... but
somthing in me is hurting, cuz somthing in you is not watered wont grow
wont show... and i love you so... im no good for you...i know. but i keep
pointing to places-things where i know my girl can grow strong (inside) im
hopeless. but you dont quit. you make the woods cum alive to me. i need
patience. cuz i dont understand what im saying yet either. i just know i
love you like my oen soul. but know you deer sister can be a brat
sometimes...and i need to deel with it. what-ever you want to deel. - Sent
3/26/2008 9:01 PM maydns 'first' 'message' i cannot find! so here i
am...one year later...attempting to type it from memmory: she says: well!
i finaly made it! ...pumps are hard on my feet? ...undo my dress??? ...you
can help me...with these buttons in the back are so-hard to reech. wrap my
legs around your waist... (.more.) other message: i know you want under my
skirts...eye understand that and want my skirts over you...(.more.)
-end-
lion1208.txt - - - - v12-21-08.txt ah! th-lions heart-part for maydn.
note: paper 8-19-08...
be-fore my heart-knew
the difference between...
'loving'someone (charity),
and being 'in-love'
(soul-mating)
(self-centered)
- - -
(:typed-in.on solstice-Eve:)
(paper starts HERE:)
-
send acts and facts
www.icr.org
8-19-08...another early
morning Rooster-call
for love.
...
The Night Was dark and cool.
and in the dim candle-lit
chamber...
the Queen lay with her beast
upon her.
...
the Lion was squeezing the
Life out of her!...fffff...
and she was..'catching' her
breath between tugs.
(.thump.hump.hump.)
- -
one long..last breath..
cross-ez his wiskers
before falling on her
exausted.bury-ing his
nose under her Arm.
(.Throb.Throb.Throb.)
His Heart still Racing.
she knew this Throb.
it was caused by Her!
sweet footnotes!
words she had entered-in
just for 'his'fantasies.
...
making him terribly
love-sick for the maydn.
(.boom.boom.)
his beutiful tiger-eyes.
his brite orange tennis-balls.
were mad-leey in-love.
...
(.note.)
heart-changes and growth is
painful for any creature.
but the passions and sensations
were just beggining to over-cum
him...
...??? out of order?
He 'PRESSEd' and PRessed all
over.Her.
???
sHe had learned to deeply
love-him....'wiskers and all'
he searched her to find
places where Her heart was
closest.
spots to Make Her
beat-Quickly...fast.
faster and faster.
He twitched on her...
as if waiting for a mouse
to jump out.
...he loved her.
- - -
???
the Beast cood Now Hear
the 'breath-taking' Heart
He had fallen-in-love with.
He began to squeeze and tug
on many 'parts' of her...
trying to find what
makes her heart 'pop-out'...
fast-est.
He was...
watching for it greedily.
searching for his Prey...
looking into heR eyes.
- -
(.boing.)
...uh..ooh!...He found it.
Maydn was in a Real 'Pinch'
now!.
Her Mate had cawt a very
sensitive spot.
her pulse was race-ing
wild-lee!...
cold-Licks sent shocks and
sensations all over her.
His wide sand-paper tongue
showed no mercy...!..
massive arms and fur
kept 'gripping' Her.
Hot fresh pop-corn was
flying Every-where.
(.yum.yum.)
she rode threw all the
'stings' and 'tingles'
until...
...boom.boom...
the Buttery-Salt-Licking
paused rite-over the spot
where Maydns heart was.
His cold nose and breath
teezd her titty!
wonderful man-lee lips
bobb-ing her breasts...
sand-ee wet and warm.
the wiskers became
more vigerous.feeling.
lips went under-neath...
for.. HeRrr heart.
pitter-patter.
pitter-patter.
...(.woweee.)
it was Thumping wild-lee!
The-Lion was now desperate
to 'have' it.
- - -
The Queen kept Her Arms
around him...gripping him.
pressing hard on him.
to bring it 'OUT' to him.
better.faster.
So.He cood sprink-L it with
Cold.kissis.and.feelings.
(.Throb.Throb.showers!)
she was weak-nd by
explosive Earth-shaking
orgasms...followed by
endless heart-pounding
trem-mers all threw her.
she finally let go.
her hands fell from his.
wild-wire-ee-main and beard.
heart chill-ed and yet warm.
(.more.)
Royal persuits:
distracting him from these
Hot coals of passion...
The Queen began to grab for
the Lions 'sensitive' items.
...(.marble.madness.)...
full of sunshine it was
a 'cute' neon-orange.ball.
(.of brite fuzzy-felt-)
packed with jewels and
firm as a rubber-ball.
bobbing about his tale.
and hi-lee vulnerable.
...
she wished to show him
circus-tricks and
make animal-shapes
from long balloons.
(.screech.ppp.screech.)
stretching-twisting
and making 'anoing'sounds
with HIS ball-oons
till they were big.Hard.and
'Pulse'ating for her.
driving his nuts till he
went 'crazy-cross-eyed'
(.boing!.)
then with her feet...
she ran circle-drawings
all around his tennis-balls,
making him go 'bonkers'
(.bzzzzz.bzzzz.)
his fuzzy-ears went up.
in a'stunned'gaze.
as he sat
looking at the moon.
and getting his mind
blown-out by her touches.
(.bzz.brzz.boing!)
(.bzz.ber-ez.boing!...)
the queen waved her hand.
to shake him out of it.
you-hoo? her soft voice...
are you still present?
she 'batt-erd' his balls
with her toes...
(.boing.boing.)
he 'came-too'...and began
to cuddle her...purrrring.
much more passionately.
and terribly Excit-ed!
She opened up softly.
her sweet inviting sounds ...
she knew she was
gooing to get 'thumped'.
hard.hard.hard.
- - -
then.the.horrible?sounds
of big-Bags of walnuts...
'Banging'threw the Trees..
went on for Hours.....
- - -
the 'oooh'
sounds of the Satisfied
couple...so-groo-sum..
twill nut be knoted here.
...um..
just say... that Maydn
is very 'fantastic'.
to be with...x.o..xx...
sand-paper tongue
sliding over you.
(.lipping is o.k.too:)
Favors for Favorites.
Her fun made this Beast
King for one-tonight.
(.with a gift that
keeps giving.every-nite:
.a.nice.itchy.virus.)
-bad-end-
-end of tale-
(.about story:)
written.when
eye was 'bad-boy'
not-much of a...
::::HEART-KEEPER::::
but.. still yours!
eye held on...
for..heart-changes...
...for.. your love.
(.more.) this story
is my thank-you for a
lucious 3-woman tale
maydn had posted 7-22
after femn1207.
(.warning-note.)
epiphany! step-stone!
what will men know?
leev the very-best.
looking for love.8x
no more time-wasters!
-
do it for god.
-no end-
-
(.next comment.)
(.bonus feature.)
Her first xan-message
to me ever! is here: cmts7.txt
Sent 3/12/2008 8:06 PM deuda_m block delete Daize later...I finally made it. Better late than never, that's what I always say.
Through floods and snow storms and piles of dishes, I finally mayd it....here. NOW...cum over here and help me with these buttons. The ones in the middle of my back are so Hard to reach. Hurry please, I've been waiting quite some time to take these stockings off and wrap my bare legs around your waist.
Do you think these pumps go better with or without clothes?
Posted 3/11/2008 10:45 PM hip_gnostic block delete
(.note.)
the lions-eyes just went....Boing!!!
see also 4-28 3-08.hyp1bb:7-22
- - -
(.next comment.)
scratchy-papers.
.thots of her.yet
paper 8-19 was clear.
less choppy.
this being..a frozen
solctice 12-19...
eye was tempted to type
the lion1208 tale of a
'Hot-August-fantasy'...
and give my best to
fanta-sizing her!!!
(.sigh.)
love you maydn..(sigh)
its a cold winter.
but its 'having' you.
-no end-
-
(.next comment.)
(.new day.)
new year. new life.
no more 'marital'acts.
no kiss.no touch.no lust.
no more cock and
ball-bursting torture.
...i want...i want to
write somthing better...
-
i want to 'local-ize'
meenz no-more support
from automobiles. none.
yes. im going to...
become a holy 'none.'
just like
people in all history.
except OUR time.
step by step.
a time-limit.
and results.
this includes cutting off
power-supplies.
driving them off the land.
get them to fite eachother.
take what remains.
simple simple strategy.
do or die.
cuz doing nothing. is
why things ARE as they.is.
..your chance to
inffect the fate of humans
is a gift. and its now.
so use it.
=
you see? christmas is
a-year!...so make this
a christmas to remember.
christmas is a-day.
so 'make' all your
christmasses...WHITE.
find out how...
and do-it..,
you like a good story?
fit it into your time.
and live it.
thank god for a girl
who tawt me how to
read and write!...
beautiful visions.
maydn made 2008...
GReaT!.
(.next.)
heart-keeping:
you see...if eye was
a tree...my friends
wood be very different!
cuz christmas isnt
a day...its a way.
its not great feelings.
nor good-intentions.
nor massive visions.
if you listen to trees.
christmas is a lifestyle.
always giving. never
moving. never complaining.
non-resistance.
patients...not anger.
learn to re-tree-t?
cuz one-step-back
allows two-steps later.
but never sign papers.
nor stay where man can
bag-you. cuz you wont be
back... if that happens.
economic colapse meenz...
everyone will murder...
so give them tasks
that dont endanger you.
or YOU 'wont' stay useful
to anyone.
(.note.)
sites of water and grain
must be hidden well.
and gardens...garded.
if naybors live to close.
blow them away. if they
got no water...they will
SOON leeve the area...
even if they 'own' it.
people blame people.
give them SOMEone to blame.
make it look like
an accident.
the economic system is in
full-colapse. people will
be hurded into wagons and
buried at transit stations.
you can join THEM.
or defend a turff.
your-choice?
(.expect turff-wars.)
you can do it in wayz
as gives no suspecion.
un-used property...
but only in appearance.
...
as things get tite...
people stay 'busy'
no check-ups...
including their-own property.
giving you access
to post-colapse materials.
to transition slowly
to living without them.
things 'not-local' will
soom fall into dis-use...
not accessible!..not stuff
others can copy.
(.note.)
i believe in private-property.
but you can only OWN
what you can protect.
indians did not sighn-away
their lands...no body
'owns' land. it owns us!
when they 'sighned' it over.
it only gave permission
to drive them off it!
people take life and property.
paper or no paper.
legal isnt right.
but it works.
cuz you made the agreement.
you sighned your murder...
by-standing where you can:
be-hit.be-blamed.
be-cut-down.be-known.
YOU cant have 'part' in a
murder?...what is car-exhaust?
blood for blood. shoo them off.
dont be a murderer.
..anger blinds.
-no end-
-(.next comment.)
(.last day.)
I love you Maydn...
but only when im honest.
open..warning.reeching.
and teeching you...
to keep you pure.
and loveable. and true.
yes..but.Lion loves
you too!
(.burp.) examples are:
I love you Maydn. you are
so beautiful. i hope you
will 'KEEP' this later-
version of my early-morning
fantasies for when you
need it most.
(.better by practice.)
if your-male has any
senses?...he will start
giving you attention and
respect you deserve...
wishes granted too.
kissis on your toe-zes.
on your no-zes..and
where you say it go-zes.
you are So-adorable. a real
heart-breaker. for a man
who wants to adorate YOU.
shower you with flowers.
hum.
Live-with your silly hic-cups.
move you to passions.
whe suns wont shine.
when strong
Storm-Clouds are moving.
the scent of dreams.
before the Rain.
(.other.)
Thankyou for sending that
Seed-Keeper chain-box.
with strong scent of a
womans-musk.
You sure know how to excite
your male. and i hope eye have
hurt my female with lust and
with love.
maybe show me
how to do-it soon.
Breaking Her Hearrt so eye
can 'Have' MORE of Her.
making bed very exciting to
be in. Full of Love.
painful kisses.L.icks and
N.ibbles....xoxo..LNLN.
(.more.)
Oh! what am i going to do
when my body burns for you?!
being a-part like this,
allows woo-ing and Romance.
a 'gap' allows 'sparks'
but.. being 'together' may
be another story...
for brothers and sisters.
.to enjoy.
and not for-mating.
-end-
(.next comment.)
notes i wrote to myself:
she will strap-you to herself
titer than her own skirts.
and turn you into a husband.
if you get any closer!
see? she has 'maternal'
instincts. this may seem
cruel for her to do but
when two hearts are...
'Melting' together it...
becomes necessary.
(.nope.)
Parents that use drugs.
have kids that use drugs.
so no woman for me please.
(.herbal remedies?.)
2007 to 2017 is for boys
a1a2a3me camp-garden sites.
you almost gave all-2008
to mayden...dont do that.!
no 'marital' acts...
none.
be a 'none'
???
uuh..ummmmh....?
.except with mayden.?
no!...none ...means..
none.
its your life-story.
write somthing boys
can use...instantly.!!!
loving them.
no intimate other...
you had HER.
you had 2008.
now think straight.
keep your days...
white as snow.
no more 'mate-ing'
with her.
-
Li-Lo meens 2007-2017
meens YOU.
-
its love too.
the kind you.
have chozen.
to write.
so write it.
never go back.
-no end-
(.next comment.)
(.day three.)
calls interupted!
xfer blocked.
how embarrasing.!
did-not expect...
mood: failure!
problem: mine.
anger.and a TeeeR.
what happened?
failed attempts to
please her...are Here.
(.sniff.)
Yet! her smile says:
'..Try.Again.Soon!...'
ahhhh! (.refreshed.)
it heals my heart,=+=
(.sniff.)
why are we like that/.?
to each-other?
(.sob.) look at us!
parts fall-off.
pretty-things are missing.
we get all ready for
each-other...and then...
what happens?
::we pause for repairs::
'She' has to pull-up
his 'handsome-ness'...
(.cuz it fell down.)
'He' fixes her stitches
and adds heart-tugs.
(.cuz it blew off.)
'BOTH' look very silly
before 'and' after repairs.
but...
you cant talk sense
into love-birds...
they do
all there OWN-grooming.
and see
only what they WANT
to-sea.
song-poem? says:
let me be your sweet-heart.
let me know its true.
let me be your sweet-heart.
so-in-love-with-you.
...
(.more.)
but thanks Maydn...for..
telling me 'Now' wood
not be a good time...
eye wood.hurt to pour
my heart out when you are
way-not in the mood...
(.exceptions permited.)
(.next comment.)
(.day Four.)
Here-Now Eye Have
a game and a poem for you.
The GAmE:
take the 12-1-08 drawing
and spread it out...
touch different parts
of it like a map...
let your finger run
down the creek.
under bridge, to the pond.
touch the fruit trees.
the garden. the swing.
the root-cellar.
your tree-house and...
then my honey-house.
then back to Us!
- - -
Now your Ready:
Eye wull tell you things
about the drawing...
and everytime eye pause..
You say: SO-Did-Eye!
...are you Ready?
Here it goes:
Eye Made a Tree-house in a Tree..
(.so did-eye!.)
Eye made a mud-home just for Me..
(.so.did.eye!.)
Eye made somthing in the garden grow.
(.so.did.!.)
And the Gofer fell-down a gofer-hole.
(.so.dd.e!.)
The Gofer Screemed!
(.so.d.!.)
Poo-Bear Ran Home.
(.so.d.i.)
The Birds Began to Sing.
(.so.d.i.)
The Goosey cawt Lions attention.
(.so.d.i.)
Eye held hands with the-one eye love.
(.so.d.i.)
The Creek Began To Glitter.
(.so.d.i.)
The Butterflys Began to Kiss.
(.so.d.i.)
The Moon Began to Glow.
(.so.d.i.)
The Fish Began to Spawn!
(.so.d.i.)
The squirrls went looking for Nuts.
(.so.d.i.)
The garden had sharp sweet berries.
(.so.d.i.)
The Lion Roarred!
(.so.d.i.)
Gofer-guy had gofer-dreems all night.
(.so.d.i.)
(.pause.)
...Maydn?
are you still reeding?
i want to Reed it to YOU
every-nite.
but eye guess...the
three hearts on the Bridge...
says it all.
i want to Reed more to YOU
and take you to streem-8
when you need to get wet.
my notes'Here'say to
blow-you-a-kiss
when i call.
its my way to say...
Thanks for:
the 3-girl fantasy 7-22-08
(.eye was reeding it in
the tree-house...i didnt
take anything else..(.gulp.)
Thanks for:
helping me feel what
'in-love'(.soul-mating.).you.
and also.'loving'.you.(charity)
is all about...(.boing!.)
(.eye will always be 'Having'
both with you.)
Thanks for:
Making my Heart-Parts come out!
th-lion th-boy th-brother
th-father
(.didnt know i had it in me.)
Thanks for:
Building such a love-lea
Tree-House...your site is so
secret and so pretty eye
wish you wood make MORE!.
And.copy.copy.copy...
for other maiden-hearts.
to know-have-sea.
and Thanks for:
..Story-Times with you..
33-33-33-33-33!
-
- - - -
(.next comment.)
eye promised a game
and a poem...so..
Here Is The Po-em:
Write these five words:
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
(.scribble.scribble.)
Now...Listen.
I am going to say a Poem.
if i ask a question. you say...
(.the five words.)
Are you Ready.??
Here it goes: fffff (.calm.)
(.for night time-reading only.)
Why is your Tree-House so High,
way-up were the birds do fly???
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
Why do the Rivers and Pools look like Jewels???
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
Why do the flowers smell so sweet! and why
are the berries such a treat!??
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
Why do eye have to say...'good-night...
..good-night My..Love.'.??
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-Queen.:::
Eye KNOW that! but...why do eye have to
kiss your toes???
:::BE-cuz....Iam..'YOUR'queen.:::
Why can-not eye just 'BLOW' my nose??? (.blow.)
:::...becuz//im..your queen.:::
Mayden.?...why do eye have such sweet dreams..?
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
(.pause.)
(.silence.)
(.pause.)
Ok! stop!...your making me stiff! ...
do you know why you make me so stiff?
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
(yikes) oh.maydn...you make my life so beautiful...
do you know why. ?
(.pause.)
(.silence.)
(.pause.)
(.end of game and poem.)
(.thanks maydn...im not
good at expressing my fantasies.
but you helped me live that one.)
-
- - - -
(.next comment.)
(.day five.)
you can say 'Yes' or 'No'
to the following questions:
(.pause.)
Can eye always Call and Write You? ...
Can eye love-you as long as eye live...
can you forgive me when im bad...
can you love me when im sad...
will you always make me glad?...
(.pause.)
eye love you maydn
will you marry me...
-?-
if 'Yes' than write:
::Home Sweet Home::
on the picture under
in the tree..and the date.
and next years date.
and the next.
and the next.
and the...
unto Epiphany
-no end-
- - -
(.next comment.)
are we married! ??
um...i meen...
just for the picture...cuz
you got us holding-hands.
(.marital acts.)
...(.paper notes ended here.)
-
(.next comment.)
(.day Six.)
Today is Solctice 12-21
the world ends at noon.
on this day in a.d.2012
(.maybe sooner for me.)
and my fasting begins.
nothing but fruits and
greens for...ten days.
to rest my body.
this boy-girl study...
is now one-year old!
and eye want to close it.
with boy-girl thots...
cuz 'Relationships' ARE
difficult.!!!
most people marry a
fantasy game-world
cuz it gives them what
they cood not find in
other people...hours
of pleasure without
fuss.fights.back-chat.
but i say No! KEEP
trying hearts.!
people were designed
to be beautiful...find
those hidden talents.
...dont give up...
i hate people too...but
streem-8 dares faith.
and faith pleases god.
(.my last efforts.)
two books: (best parts)
ten-keys2ahappy marriage.
life after divorce.
- -
commitment! meens
'leeving' that person
is not an option.
chasing-money meens
no time to be human.
in problems...
commitment demands
any solution 'other-than'
being-kept-apart from
that person.
- -
love is commitment.
even when the person says
'i dont love you anymore'
your spouse is the enemy.
- -
commited-love is not
based on feelings.sex.
status.failures.change.
its a rock-solid choice
to love that person..
regardless if they
ever love in return.
its a gift from God.
- -
a woman wants 'Empathy'
eye want you to 'relate'
to my sorrow or joy.
she wants someone to say
'i feel your pain'
'you must be hurting.'
'you must be glad.'
note:she-is-not looking
for a way out of it.
'do not give advice to
fix her problem...she
will think your being
cold..insensitive.
be where her emotions
want to be.
but a man wants 'answers'
sex.and to be admired.
he will believe what
'you' say about him.
in most cases...a mans
sex-drive...is 8xstronger
than a womans...they
like what they see...
a mans 'apperance' is not
so attractive to a woman.
- - -
about family and people:
i think you shood know
that YOU-DO-NOT-KNOW.
whats reely going on.
thats the happy-part.
we shood be content.
yet inquisitive too.
cuz You do-not-know!
thats the sure-part.
- - - -
A man thot his son
was dead!...
20 years! later he
finds out his other
sons had...
faked his death.
and sold him for pay.
Ooooops!
20 years of Lies.
.you.just.dont.know.
so love and deal and
play your part as
sincerely commited as
you can...
as one who
must give account for
what you 'did' know
your level of truth.
rite.good.worth.
and you stayd at it.
that boy was sold for
pay cuz he was hated.
but god used it to
save many people.
remember god has parts
he is writing and wants
done!...things happen.
choose to stick to your
commit. no exceptions.
That whole 20 years
the slave boy kept one
hope: my brothers ment
to do me evil...
::::but God ment it for good.::::
i think 'that' will be
the thot where this
boy-girl study ends...
i wanted to 'know' how
the opposite-sex thinks
but now eye just want
to see it 'my-way.'
and that spells
'disaster.'
-- - - --
so people got problems.!!
but God meens good.
HE wants-you to look
for the place He has
for you in this Mess...
the mess we call 'living'.
and keep hoping that...
the designer-knows what
he's doing...and he's got
an unusual place in it
for me...a part to play
in His-Story.
jesu clean and gide me!
-no end-
-
(.next comment.)
(.next attempt.)
I want to Rip into this
boy-girl Topic one more
time with both claws
and screem!
www.solvefamilyproblems.com
knowing my change comes.
'dating' is what people do
cuz they are not willing
to live-rite nor do-rite
in the first-place.
even marriage is acceptable
so-long as 'divorce' is an
option.
in otherwords..they are
not willing to start a home
and face the terrors of
ree-ality. they want room
for 'self'..and if 'self'
wont die. a new life cant
begin for you.
your just looking for the
good-parts and want to
get-away when things get
ruff....sorry...thats
not life...nor living.
i never dated and feel eye
missed alot...so eye will
run the full spectrum in
just a few words:
the divorced lady and child
tried many dates to matchmaking.
all the men wanted sex.
somtimes demanding it.
her friend said she wood feel
bad if a guy did not 'try'
(.do you see the harmful
selfish playing she wants?.)
one guy was her dream!
blue-eyes perfect build
but his appearance was
all that it was...he had
no heart.nor character.
no safe-loving for such
a fine fantasy-guy.
all were so 'willing' to
give their viginity to Her.
it was amusing...and false.
except 'one' who truly loved
her and did not want sex till
after marriage.
finnaly the error was on her
part...for she broke the
engagement simply cuz she did
not 'love' him....
a horrible reason!
you marry 'for' love.
not cuz you 'feel' love.
cuz your feelings change!
now eye saw 'why' her
mate-searching was worthless.
she only wanted to go so-far
herself...she wood only
build her home 'for' love
as long as love-feelings
lasted and did not 'shift'
to someone else.
how pathetic. no foundations.
a house on sinking sand.
most people dont want more.
its our culture..its violence.
its wickedness..
and we love it! cuz..
it matches the spirit
of whats popular Today.
attitude. behaviour.
fits what we want.
but the story itself
is sick!....when finished.
- - -
make sure you know
what 'terms' make up
your commitment.
together...your rules
you both will play by.
eye myself wood not sign
anything so...what does
that make me?
-no end-
- - - -
(.next.topic.)
cover.love.instant.smile.
Maydn cover your eyes...
is it all dark now?
cuz i need to tell you
somthing:
-
::::.I.Love.You.:::::
i shood have told you
when you called.
you were tired-out and
wanted to re-schedule.
When Reelee I feeel it
was the moment you
needed me most...
please tell me the secret.
somthing 'my dream guy'
wood say or do to me...
too make mee forget a
ruff-week.....instantly!
(.boom.!) ..(.Throb.)
somthing to make you smile.
even if eye was no-good at it.
maybe 'that' wood make you
smile too..see ---> (3
(.look at it sideways.)
(.look at your ruff-week..
sideways too.)
maybe you did rite.
maybe re-scedule was best.
maybe you were burnt-out.
and just wanted big-kitty
to stay away awhile.
love has 'seasons'
Maydn cover your eyes!
i still want to talk intimate
to you....um...cuz..
sometimes you forget your
'caller' has a deep heart.
(.throbbing for you.)
He want your moods.
touches.talents.
to beat passionatly.
a never-ending quest to
know who you are.inside.
streeming himself.(.eight.)
to find-out what pleases
HER! (.you.maydn.)
that 'beautiful girl' who gets
to-busy to notice.herself.
Maydn where are you?
eye cant talk...
my heart throbs for you.
eye cant walk...
ANY-wher without these
'crazy-books-about-love'
stick-ing to my fingers
and clothes...
eye attract them
like a magnet.
eye run out the door...
yelling and screeming.
with books and paper-trails
following me...
full-of love-notes..tips.
suggestions.positions...
if i stand-still to long
...im buried.in paper.
of 'one' i MUST type:
about 'Empathy':say:
how does that feel?
women want me to 'relate'
get-down to where there
emotions presently ARE.
always shifting.never
coming to a conclusion
always going over-it and
adding details...they
live for the emotion and
want you to join in.
(.be in it together.)
it never dawns on girls
that they cood be 'doing'
somthing else. they just
want to 'recieve' the
praise and sympathy and
little-shows of affection
for doing somthing well.
a man does not get pleasure
that way. he's not wired so.
emotion is on HIS list...
but its not on the top.
so when somthing happens.
he is the last to re-act.
women 'Are' emotional...
and for good design-reasons.
easy to take advantage of.
easy to persuade.
guys are goal-fate-task minded
and want results.
but a beautiful woman.is.
on the top of His List...
making it easy to persuade him
that way.
(.ask me if eye need help.)
note: im just typing thots.
im not sure i agree.
i just want to see it on
the screen.
and its the solstice.
i told myself...forget all
this 'effort' to understand
Her.! (.sigh.)
she has made you full of
questions
cuz she is beautiful
you have typed much
and looked deep.and.long.
eye know girls 'pretend'
to like 'out-door' stuff.
then quit when married
cuz she now 'has' what
she wanted..
greatly dissappointing
the man...with emptiness.
likewise the man...ceases
to type.talk.or do anything
romantic..cuz he
now 'has' what he wanted...
he returns to his old habits.
- - -
(.more.)
never 'date'...cuz they
dont show themselves as
they live. only the bait.
never 'commit' to a person
with the thot that he will
change a habit afterword.
Noo! what you see is what
you get. dont expect change.
dont even 'hope' that your
love will make a difference.
if that person has a bad-habit
or fault or failure in one area.
-YOU- can expect to carry it to
the end of time.
'marital'acts without commitment
takes you threw this world as
page-one of a disaster story.
never making the story
worth following.reading.living.
(.more.)
fantasy and multiple-mate
relations.and dates may
seem 'normal' now...but
the fruitless years will
make a sick-tree.
not safe for a tree-house.
choose your weapons well.
paint a landscape
for heart-keepers.
make sure
they follow
somthing
lovely...
somthing you wood
want 'me' to read to you.
somthing you wood
want to be a heart-part of
too.
find people who 'do'.
(.conclusion.)
at story-time
choose carefully
what eye read to you..
those books are ways
to say 'I love you'.
and eye maydn...
love you true.
-no end-
-(cheek-kiss)-
-(toe-kiss)-
-(eye-kiss-you)-
- -
(.next comment.)
(.more bad thots.)
-(burp)-
- no more 'marital'acts.
no kiss.no touch.no lust.
no words to miss-excite.
wait!!!...???
how am eye ever going to
be a heart-part of that?
when i look at
maydn-beautiful...eye..
will always remember
the number-eight.
but not say a word
about it anymore...
she had deeply satisfied.
a hungry-hungry heart.
and gave him the joys
and dangers of love.
so he cood write a better
story...
called '2009'
thank-you Maydn...
for your heart-tugs.
-x-xx-oh! - LN.L.L.N-x
-sigh-
-
(.day seven.)
book: TRUE LOVE.
how to make Your
relationships sweeter
deeper and more
passionate.
i miss my boy-hood.
i like life the way
it was just moments
before eye met maydn.
this heart-searching
stuff is exhausting!
2008 was long enuff.
mayden is rite...
some people are their
'Own' best company.
alone-ness is NOT
'loneliness'
and can be down-rite
'Lucious.'
this 'love-stuff' has
bin a new-Road for me.
like all strange paths
in the woods...eye can
only fallow it so far.
...one year?
before turning back.
Her lucious-ness kept
me going...but now...
i feel be-wild-ered.
i miss familiar sites.
i miss 2006.2007.
i miss my dreems.
if eye dont follow my
dreams...how can
anyone follow me?
was this just a...
heart-check-up.??
will maydn
let me loose now?
i want to get away.
fly free and far.
..(yikes!)..
maydn please!!!
you keep placing
kissis on my heart.
making it hard...
to fly-anyware far.
and hard...
to forget where love
grows. (.sob.)
- - -
my heart is still
throbbing for her...
so eye will tap-a-few
more words...those words
that all lovers 'need'
to keep a flame...
in the water.burning.
cuz true-love ALways
wants to go deeper.!
not just meet status-quo.
Here is words to do it:
love has seasons.
cherish your beloved!
add compliments...
(.why you fell for her.)
praise-her.for small-things!
just for 'ordinary' things.
eg.thanks for cleaning the..
do somthing 'ordinary'
but together.
criticize-each-other only
when alone together.
do the un-expected.
- - -
behave yourself in Public!
the union of TWO people
is a worthy and beautiful thing.
let others around see-it-so.
meening:no public agruments
no fites.slanders.flirting.
keep your honey comfortable.
have the outside world stand
in honor (.or in awe.) of the
person you have chosen.
and the
Relations-ship YOU created.
- - -
shower with kisses.
the kissis that say you are:
chosen.desireable.powerful.
beautiful.sensual.joyful.happy.
carefree.invincible....loved.
- - -
Speak the Love-Words:
we need to be 'Told' often:
'i love you.'
'your my darling.'
'i want you.'
call your beloved by a
special name.
- - -
Say 'Please.'
it will deepen your
own-love for her.
- - -
give small gifts of her-like.
- - -
offer her your help:
verbal.chores.or emotional
by listening to her woes.
- - -
Ask often the Questions!
they lead to heart-parts
you only 'thot' you knew.
'what are you thinking'
'whats your favorite color'
'were you a happy kid'
'why do you love me'
'do you like your work'
'what elder wood you like
to become like at that age.'
'whats your secret dream'
'what do you need to do
before you die'
'what do you like about me'
'...when you fantasize'
'what turns you on?'
'what do you like about your body'
cuz 'knowing' another person
in all their specific thots.traits.
feelings.intentions.dissapointments
inadequts.hopes.prayers.sorrows...
is love.
- - -
(.my thot.)
how then can you say
'i dont love him anymore'
you meen...
you dont 'know' him anymore?
- - -
when you listen...
listen with your heart.
the words she dosnt say.
the twitching fingers
the heavy-breathing.
the tear-clouded eye.
ask a very tender question:
honey dear:
you say your happy, but your
voice and eyes say sorrow.
wood you like to tell me
about it?'...
then the two of you can move
to a deeper level of knowing.
the knowing that comes not
with words...but from listening
to the unspoken...
- - -
a common pitfall is when
he-she becomes a dart-board
for all your problems.
:::walk a mile in your
sweet-hearts shoes:::
long enuff..(a year?)
to be able to comfort.
and not 'blame'..anymore.
Imagine you are Him\her and
bring to mind the stresses,
insults,assults,dissapointments,
dissasters,mini and gigantic,
that are besetting his\her life.
take a miniute to consider
what traumas your partener
is going threw right now.
no assumptions!
see in your-need...
your need to be
loved and understood,
that we are all one.
all are hurting.
- - --
saying 'Thank-you'
does internal good..
in so many ways..and
opens doors!
-no end-
contents of book:TRUE LOVE
preface.intro.
:::conditions of love:::
love is a journey.not a place.
everyone needs more.
everyone is wounded.
everyone has circumstances.
your sweetheart is-not you.
she isnt phycic.
assumptions are dangerous
to your love life.
communication matters,reveals
and is not a-contest.
relationships have seasons.
-
:::the practice of love:::
nourishing your loving.
love self enuff to deserve more.
say what you feel.
ASK what you need.
be emotionaly Brave.
Reveal what makes you 'feel' loved.
Expose your secret love-scenerio.
Go easy on yourself.
-
:::cherishing your mate:::
celebrate the exceptional.
praise the ordinary.
do the extraordinary.
keep your word at every cost.
criticize only in private.
do the unexpected.
behave yourself in public.
shower eachother with kissis.
speak the love words.
say please.
give more gifts.
ask if you can help.
ask the obvious. questions.
listen for the unspoken.
walk in your sweethearts sted.
say thank-you.
-
:::treasuring your relationship:::
put your love on a billboard.(blog)
communicate with oneanother.
negotiate the not-so-needed.
Acknowledge the hardships your
circumstances create!!!
keep in touch.
take intimate time.
kindle the romance.
watch your tongue.
Depart and Re-Unite with loving
gestures..(good-nite wish.)
(.hello: God Greet You Mayden.)
(.good-bye: keep my heart until
eye return.)
(.hello: theres my gofer-girl!.)
(.good-bye: so long stinky.)
Fight the good fight.
leave the kitchen sink.
(.dont take it all.)
Remember the Early-Days of
your love.(.you-r know.)
Be willing to make the
Generous Gesture.
Accent the Positive.
Fluff up the ego of love.
Tie up emotional loose ends.
Apologize,Apologize,Apologize.
(.without using the word.)
Play with one another.
celebrate with ceremonies.
Reveal your Fears.
Share your dreams.
be generous with your Body.
Trust One Another.
Do it again. and again.
-
:::changes caused by LOVE:::
comfort one another.
forgive one another.
show how words change everything.
sanctify your relationship.
concecrate your relationship.
Bow to the Mystery of Love.
(end)
A relationship:
two people coming together to live
to work to play to die to grieve
to rejoice. to make love.
but love itself...is much more.
let me type-here the cover-info:
TRUE-LOVE: How To Make Your
Relationship Sweeter, Deeper And
More Passionate.
back-cover: In each of us there
is a tremendous longing for love.
The love we desire is not only
the eUphoric feelings of a new
romance, but also the ineffable
consolation of being deeply known,
recieved, and cared for, the
profound security of spirit that
comes from being deeply connected
to another human being.
"But sustaining true love is
difficult. All to often the loves
we fall into disappoint us....
We want to enhance and deepen the
bonds between us but we dont know
how."
A course for encouraging the skills
of loving. book:TRUE-LOVE offers
more than 60 inspiring and
illuminating suggestions to help
you expand the psychological,
emotional, and spiritual possib-
ilities of your own True Love.
-by Conari Press.
isbn 0-943233-13-5
note: eUphoric
eye like that word...
it meens the victim is
'convinced' things are improving.
when reely its getting worse.
-
-
-no end-
-
.(.last comment.).
reeding all of the above
late at nite gave me
wild-dreams of maydn
in the morning.
my 'soul' completly...mated.
(.knit.)
.with hers.
- -
in the woods.
Her smile.form.voice.
heart-beats strong.
every-nite go back
for nourishment.
she is lovely.
- -
sHe pulls on him deeply.
He pulls on her!...deeper.
He presses his ear against
her heart...the pull is
over-whelming.
this is my 'darling'!!
just a heart-part of her.
and she a mooshy part of him.
...so entoxicating.
he cant breath without her.
each breath she takes
each sound she makes gives
him hope.
joy.spirit.and peace.
- - -
i write these things cuz
boys see pretty girls...
and need to stay away.
yet boys remain facinated
by a dew-ee eyed creature
that sparkles like water
and fire and can show him
his own heart...
i want to tell those boys
now to stay away...
the snake and the bite
was never ment to kill you.
as for me...
i can-not get this
'eight' off my hands...
she has given me
a pemanent birth-mark.
.(.born into her self.)
- - -
(.conclusion.)
do not play with 'marital'
words.acts.and thots.
If you want a 'pet-lamb'
make a place for it.
dont fall 'in-love' with
somthing you cant take care of.
a zoo.(dating) may seem good
to you.
but not the one barred by it.
the hurt you cawsed
and marks you make will
find you....hunt you. haunt.you.
(.more.)
as for the beautiful mayden,
in the woods...
she told the boy everything
he ever cood 'know' of women.
'pounding' it into his heart.
he was excited by all
she did to him...
but in-doing so...
the boy became 'hers.'
leaving the mark of ownership...
on his heart.
- - -
to no-end.
-x- o.x.L..L.N.....-o-
-
king1208.txt - - - - v12-23-08
eye like it...
but what does 'she' see?
a trouble-some thot!
eye use words that
touch my heart...
but not a girls heart.
- -
yikes!
i say 'queen' and 'maydn'
cuz it meens SO.so.so
'MUCH' to me:
sweet-ness.(berries)
pretty-ness.(quilts)
royal-tee.(respect)
costly-ness.(jewels.)
mistery-uss.(.lovely)
feminine.
(.sigh.)
guys only see what they
want to see.
- -
eye shood say she-za
'grime-ee peasant-girl'
it wood make her feel
better.
i know cuz i dont like
'prince' and 'king'
those words fill me with
'expectations'
eye can never give her.
..so then eye..dispair.
(.burp.)
eye dont want her
to dispair when
eye say...'queen'
- -
you see??
here i am trying
every-little way
to make myself
more pleas-ant to her.
- -
i want to...
i want to
love her as deeply
as eye can.xxox
...and that includes
choosing words that
communicate
deeply with her.
- -
...i myself wood like
'deudamiff'
cuz it feels...leaf-ee
ruff and wood-see..
to me.
...yes...'maydn' does
bring to mind a dirty
grimee peasant girl.
( on very rare misty days.)
- -
guys in-love.(.this guy.)
do not see faults.
they just get dizzy.
and when she smiles...
they see a 'Queen'...
someone way above 'my'
ability to please.
like when a govenor
or an important-leader
visits the people.
its a rare-moment.
the feeling of being
near-to greatness.
but a fear of getting.
to close.
- - - -
she meenz alot to me...
just know that.
- -
i like to think
i learned what makes
girls so mysterious.
the joy of knowing
what can-be known.
(.giggle.giggle.)
but then eye am very
amused at what-eye-like.
and what it is that
makes me-me... instead.
-
-no end-
-
mydn1208.txt - - - - v12-26-08 9am ..package from maydn. sent17,came-24th
paused at paused
men want to feel the
end-of-a-thing.
they want to feel...
'completion' and
...steps...and..
'accomplishment'
and biger is better.
- -
men do not see the joy
of the journey along
the way.
- -
so maydn keeps tugging
at my heart-parts to
slow-down...
look-around...
joys are here.!
and more to cum.!
- - -
but inside-me. iam
'trying' to tie-it
all closed.
the-end-of-the-year
th-end-of-the-study...
(th.boy-girl-study.)
which never ends.
but eye want it to...
believe that...
eye like 'points'
not 'circles'
- - -
i want to tell maydn
how difficult it is
for her male.and men.
and.. me...
...eye cannot
just approach a woman
and ask her how she
feels-inside...
yes.im sure most girls
wood like that approach.
but somthing happens
during 'the approach'.
He forgets his boy-ish
curiosity and gets turned-on
purely-by-her-appearance.
he may say some words...but
soon he is goo-goo-brained.
and not-thinking anymore.
this can be covered-up with
practice...adding charm.
but inside he is...
...sinking 'in-love'
(.which is not-love...
nor controlable.)
- - - -
(.more.)
eye want to thank-maydn
for leaving my boy-ish
curee-osity...'open'
filled with questions.
eye was a-mazed by a
creature who did not
see earth like eye do.
ask an older woman?
embarassing things.?..
cant ask a younger...
(.men have an ego.)
but the child-maidens...
WERE trying to tell me
somthing...
somthing...wonderful...
just by being-themselves.
but 'why'..why did they
re-act and view the
world in 'pink'
it just...
puzzeled me more..
.more questions...
wood eye ever know?
atlest give to
me some 'reasons'!
yes...
eye like-girls the way
they ARE...but why god!
why are girls made that
way?...what wood leed
them to talk-like.
think-like.desire-like
like..like..they do...?
eye was to-busy re-tribing
to 'know' or hope i wood-know.
till one day...
...as eye was finishing
my galeeb-calls to get kids
more-into things boys like...
SHE APPEARED!
there were no pictures...
there were no 'feminine'
'distractions'
no sexy-images to throw
me off the tract.
only the beautiful voice
of one saying 'come'
'come know what a woman
is like...on the in-side.'
eye wanted to love-her...
just for 'letting' me get
...so-close. (.sigh.)
eye wanted to know...
everything!
her words kept me 'wanting'
to understand...
(.it was very beautiful.)
she kept me searching
the endless mysterys of
our 'differences'
- -
after one-year eye feel
eye can 'let-go' the topic.
now.. i do desperatly want
to go 'back'.to what eye
was before...
but with the strange
'eight' on my hands.
as 'proof' that eye
at-leest 'tried' to see
things...her way.
...and 'how' to please her...
and not just please-her
'my' way.
- -
note: before mayden came...
there was no 'choice'.
-
(.next comment.)
Your package came!
i wanted to capture
and recored my...
first re-actions:
(.hard to catch.)
ahhh! she placed
forbidden-marks on it!
the flower...
the-smile..
a secret sign of
'acceptance'.
somthing a knight wood
die-for from the hand
of a fair-maydn.
her smile... her flowers.
her favor...her hand.
- - - -
my re-actions to
package-content
starts here:
the child-book 'pop'd out
first:
it reeds...
::GOD BLESS THOSE I LOVE::
i sensed some of it had
meenings for me!
th-mother.th-father.(me)
th-brother.th-sister.(love)
th-friend.(learning.)
th-pet.(knotty!)
th-town...(tribal)
and others...
::thanks maydn.::
and two fine white feathers
from a goose-brain who
no-doubt worrys for me.
::(.thanks maydn.)::
-
(.next comment.)
next 'pop's out nine-papers
full of 'love' and 'sexy'.
lover-lee stuff.
eye will type-them here..!.
out of 'sheer-love'
for this girl.(.magical.)
eye can give no-greater
gift...than to 'copy'
(finger-tip-tap-type)
the passion someone has
hand-written (.tears.) for
me...!...i feel 'special.'
(sniff) and everyone shood
know this... feeling.
-sob-
- - - -
note: eye will try to 'add'
my-comments in... places.
(.'add'.)
HER work starts here:
incomplete...sent on-time
for holiday Mail.
Return:
1.bery + maydn (tape)
= reaction + action --> (need2finish)
2.sivia.8-leaves --> (snow leves melt)
3.tea: berry+mint
4.five + five (dvd) (return next letr)
add:you let others use them.
5.8-88 xoxo (add:LnLN)
6.pony express (authentic-original)
7.gofer express (humor-roo)
8.five sexy ideas
9.three loving thots.(more)
10.pat-paper
(learn'challenge'to crochet'knit)
11.poo-paper
(earthy architecture - pooh stories)
- - -
extras:
* thankyou for strawberry color page (color)
* pictures/photos/images of real-life
* dreams
* Hoe,and soe,and pull each weed. - Sweet Prince.
* yarn (twisted fiber) ---> learning
?twisted fibers/need fibers
* Cards for my very-own Mom's Jar of Goodies
* Knit a pair of socks (or just one for fun)-->
Needs:
* 8-qualities for 2009 <3 gardening
(add:prayer: god give her these things)
* Permission.Strength
- - -
(.paper 1 of 9 . back-side:)
she begins:
(love one)
* At this point in my life...
" i'd like to live as if only
love mattered, as if redemption
was in sight, As if the search
to live honestly is all that
anyone needs, No matter if you
find it."
007:
I've been practicing 'natural'
but neglecting 'dicipline'.
I want to practice both with
you Sir B****.
(EX.)less expectations; more reverence
for existing qualities/ideas/character
means:self-dicipline to stop expecting
more and start accepting now.
Practice living in God's moment/word NOW
?-expect the best;plan for the worst?
nope. plan for the best;prepare for
the worst. (ie.)I plan to live in the
Lord's guidance
(reading.learning.practicing.)
I prepare for times of judgement and
strife..(sin)
008:RE:Absolutes. NOT death, NOT taxes
(both are conditional..temporary.)
God's love/Jesus sacrifice
(.unconditional...permanent.)
- - -
paper two of nine:
1st Flight: The Goosy Good Girl
(love two)...Wait for her...for the
Lord...will..open your eyes to her.
...when it is true/righteous.
- - or somthing like that - -
end quote.
Never wood i want to turn/distract
you from God. I know that His-Will
is most important.
::i.My hands for His Will!::
I have been confused as to my part
of a man-woman union under God.
:::add:i know!? me-too! chooze-well.:::
she continues:
I know that when I know, I'll know.
...
Yet,how can I not hold that man
with less than the highest respect?
(My highest Respect going only to God)
'She worshipped the ground He walked on!
I know that so.
-
1st Fight:The Missionary Position.
Many do-it with no action, only screaming
and yelling and preaching, hoping someone
else might feel what is moving them so.
I suppose... if i have to say it. (out loud)
I prefer to Missionary without talking
about it. Actions and movements make more
sense. To me.
add:yes maydn, my queen has decreed it!
she continues:
I wood Rather build the Mission than
convince others to.
(.paper-two:back-side.)
2nd night: (love three)
she continues:
Your letters are like awards to me.
Each one Rewarding. I look forward
to looking at them over and over.
again feeling Rewarded.
I look forward to being with you,
again, If even for a few moments
at night before I tuck myself in
for bed.
I can be with you now. Without the
buzzing and glare of a monitor and
tower. I can draw you pictures of
<3 heart's and quirl my Q's just
for Y.O.U.
add:..4me?WOW!.(burp).thanks-you.
she continues:
- -
Second Sight: (LOVE FOUR)
The mommy-of-me Reads: wonderful,
gorgeous girl. Curl your Q's and
<3 heart your EYEs(i).
Love iz the-most rewarding thing
you can give and hope to have.
Sew you 'C'... I have talked to
'Fa****', she is the local
librarian, and she will show me
how to Knit. She is legaly-blind
and finds Knitting most Rewarding
she says. Then i will crochet.
(crocket.hahaha) O.K. (.smile.)
U.2.B.A. well warm dressed smile.
eR.yes.
add:me-loves the-mommy-in-you..
she loves me back by knitting...
a warm-place for a male.
(paper three:) (Love Five)
I want to say good night,
good night my love.
with My arms around Your
He-art.
and Feathers everywhere,
with gofer-nibbles at your
toes-es.
and deer-licks on your nose-es.
Sweet-Dreams To a Very...
very.. Love-lee... Mate.
-x-
-o-oh!-
--> Deerest, you wood not
(.cood not.) harm me.
you Keep me safe (too) and..warm.
Although you leed me on to many wild
paths; you do best at KEEPING-ME on
the one to Heaven.
I love You Very BERRY Much.
THANKYOU
--******A L****
add:I need heart-paths....with-you.
(.paper three:back side.)
she continues:
Streem 8
on:absolutes:
death meenz no-body,
taxes meen no-money
Gods promises meen:
no-body needs no-money.
.see reply on (LOVE ONE)
--> i do (NOT) aim to (OUT) do you.
AIm = woman's touch.
(.that is me = woman by touch.)
in-cursive:forgive me. i like your
style too.
--> Operational Definitions of
Character Qualities. paper from
solvefamilyproblems.com
from list of Qualities:p1 to p7
E7 and g3 because always needing
'more' can make me BLind to what
i have.
(hopefully you kept a copy of this.
if not then i will send it to you)
add:answer: i did!:p1 to p7 is:
truthfulness.obedience.sincerity.
virtue.boldness.forgiveness.
persuasivness. (meenings unknown)
E7: is enthusiasm.vs.Apathy
g3: is contentment.vs.coveting.
.end of add.
she continues:
--> Brick homes with better
sustainability:
the pointed-roof:
(.good for snow-melt.)
the dome-roof:
(.stronges architectural structure.)
makes me 'heart?' You lots.
????
(.paper four:) (sexy-one)
she continues:
drawing: fertility-shapes of
female and male.(circle-square)
note: geometry can be fun !
--> I try to write to you /speak
to you/ etc.etctra. in ways that
i would hope you might understand.
'That' is the KEY to positive
communication, -If Im taLking and
no-one is understanding, then I
am not commun-icating, I am just
talking. I want for you to
understand me/ my-words/ my-body.
It could be fun...for both of us.
--> Sometimes mayb you might not
believe ALL we have In Common.
--> When you say you want to hear
my ideas on...
::::sex and relationships::::
and communication (from a girls
view) I want-to-begin telling you
all about me. The unique me.
'Not' the one with 'great' breasts
and 'amazing' lips and hips.
add:.thud.thud.thud. maydn stop!
yor arousing-me!
she continues:
I couldn't imagine that you would
'begin' to take-me seriously if I
told you how i get 'TURNED-ON'
by nature-and-dirt, or that i
would much Rather build a...
(.paper four:back side.)
continued:
...House than 'clean' it, OR that
I-Too think about RAW-SEX - ALOT!!
I think I dont start telling you
these things on my own because
I'm not sure if you'd believe me.
Or accept me. OR understand me.
add:pleez write on my heart.
i do understand-you. thing-eye-do
eye-do only cuz my-flowers bloom.
its timeformecatalog.com
2008 has-bin a deep-time.
a wonderful eight-time.
of finding out how beautiful
maydn-is...and pleasing-her.
she continues:
--> I feel sorry for you that you
should have to learn about a
woman's depth from me... cuz.
I Run in and down and through and
over and up and out and back in
again, creating a MIRaculous
Natural WOnder...(thats me.)
add: you meen like an-eight?
god gave me a heart-teacher..
to-feel-love...to-sex-with.
maydn is a my-heart-teacher.
match-maker. !
she continues:
and eye love thinking and talking,
(.above line scratched out.)
and eye love sex too !!! (iHsex2)
(insert:)
I have dreams of a-future; with you.
Yes,many of them involve being
naked..(skin)...This skin is not a
'prison' or a bad place to be...for me.
Another gift..for me..for you.
add:..yes you are 'very' beautiful
...mood:...?..(.hurting.)
she continues:
* 2009 Good's Grace.
--> a clear path built with clear
intention. in cursive:
:::My HANds FOr His Will.:::
Spiritual-values to give
to my daughter-s and sons.
add:...and! to their 'nuts'...
.(.sigh.)
My heart beats rapidly for her.
as eye finish typing paper-four.
ugh.! this gets 'hard' for me.
end of add.
(paper five:) 12-12-08
she continues:
phone-call = fantastic (as usual)
I look forward, all week, to my
night with you. All your loving
words and condemnation. ( I enjoy
being punished by you? (smile:))
Then, because I 'lusted' for
more - of you - I opened your letter.
IT was so Big!
Oh Lover, (sexy-two)
I forgot how amazing being naked
(in mind) with you was. So busy
being 'behaved' and "modest",
I had forgotten. (.how cood I
ever..really?) Please don't
ever forget who-made-you and be
sure to always do right by that.
add:yikes! maydn.! eye-will..try.
she continues: But for God's chosen
union in time let 'us' be naked
together for-as-long as He might
allow.
add:you have spoken it,(.throb.throb!)
add:....but im going to faint!
add:feeling strongly-for-you,(shaking)
she continues:
-- So...when and where did you exactly
get old? And how do you Really know
that I am not Old-ER than you? MAyB
i cood 'die' soon and MayB I should
'Release' you....Release-you to the moon
and stars and...
add:maydn pleez! stop! ..im throbbing.
...cant catch breath....fffff
AMi going to 'die' (.mate.) with you...?
that'will 'ruin' everything...sob
fffff...eye cant hold it!
...uuh..uh...u!...fffff!!!
(boing!)
(.brave-boy just 'mated' with...
her lovelioness..and lost
his seeds' uuh!gh.)
two-hours later:
mistress...im o.k.now..
but i failed.you.
(.burp.)
eye spilled seeds!
everythings all goo-ey.
i didnt stay-calm.
...im trying....
honest im trying...(sniff)...
heart-keeping!
secound add: but you-ment 'release'
as-in 'permission'...i love that!
i love 'being'-yours so much i-MUST
cum to you for things..for favors..
for letters...for 'o.k.'s on 'who'
i mate-with...it feels so sexy!
O.K. lets...continue:
(paper five:back-side)
...she.continues.writing:
...Release you to the moon
and stars and...Heaven above.
(what?) To another fe-male, that
might fit your fancy?
Not while Im alive! (.smile-face:)
Unless you need two, and then...
I will Cry and find you two more.
add:--> hump-bump-bump?
no-way mistress!
(my-heart-keeper)
you appease me
:::grr-eight-lee:::
your sex is 8-to-one!
you teez and pleez me
with 'that-much' viger-ness!...
your pretty eyes !
your heart-pounding-smile
teers-me-apart...watching
your lovely-hands send me
into trem-'amor'z
until the-flowers-of-favor
all fall at your feet...
for you are worthy.
of all my love.
she continues:
I wish you could know that
much of what was written in
'the Early days' were not for
(YOU) but for-a-man in my
heart that i had longed-for
from my soul. A mate to match
minds with and mayb share in
this life.
add:...my true-sister!'
eye too called you 'HER'
until.hearts wood open.
add:...eye wrote a fantasy
related to soul-mating...
its here! your-here!...
(you are my far-end.)
she continues:
Only with the Lord's praise
and permission might there have
been a connection like the one
i am speaking of...with (YOU).
add:..deer brat-sister, pleeze!
we 'connected' by-heart...
cuz of no pictures...?
we had no-thing to offer...
just our inner-thots.
like blind-people do.
(.from the heart.)
she continues:
.if God didnt know me...
neither wood you. If I didnt Trust
Him I would not 'TRUST' you.
add:mood:...maydn.!...?
.'pleez' do-not say that...!
do not say...'TRUST.'..
'(.tears....anger.)...(sob)
but she continues:
'Hear.me' when I say 'I LOVE YOU'
(.however 'choked'
...and... sshakey.. I might sseem.)
Add:..eye//..cant breeth...hhh...hhhh...
maydn continues:
I have never been more sincere to
a man..woman...as I am with you.
(.end of paper-five.)
Add:cant breeth...hhh...hhhh...
...maydn...(sob)...eye..'like' you.
you see-past my faults...
eye TRY... to see-PAST giggles.
...into your dreams.
(.tho a man needs girlish-giggles.)
i 'do' WANT to hear about the-man
your soul dreams about.(ALOT)
these-things you do makes me
'so.HAPPY.' cuz i wann-ted to know!
i wan-ted to know what women
'long-for'..'heart-cry.for'.. somthing
eye-cant-hide from. cuz it comes from
the heart-muscles.
(.more.)
before you start 'gushing' more...
i want to tell:of weather here:
it is 'Howling' bad.rain.
midnight 12-24-08
(.more.)
(.mood: i want my maydn cautious.
i want maydn 2c-'in-love'is
a sensitive and dangerous-issue.
'sparking' begins a future-family.
but some kids play with that 'spark'
and dont want the 'results'
so they date-someone-else to enjoy
that 'spark'...again. (home-wrekers.)
can me and you someday 'love'
without all this marital 'in-love'?
(.sex-sparks and feathers-flying.)
(.old-age garantees it.)
heart-keepers who murder?:
news:..an-older-lady got blogging
...knew what young-girls long-for..
.played the-part of a young-man..
.and then...for-fun...'broke-up'
with the young-girl with such words..
that she commited suicide...
...???
and i guess the-law decided the
lady ought to be...punished.
note:
people tend to be
more 'open'on blogs.(before web-cam)
so this can-not be new...
someone is just using the-story
via-news to get some new-laws passed...
(.for reasons eye have no comments.)
(.end of my long.add.)
(paper-six:)
she continues to write:
12/14/08 (sexy-five)
(love.love.love.love.love.love.)
(eye-ball) wood like to +Add+
a short-sextion to story-time.
four-minutes is total.
we cood call it four-play.
one-min=question for me..
one-min=answer from me...
one-min=question for you.
one-min=answer from you.
A way to Add-'ourselves' into
story-time.
- -
Time to work on a loverly
loving Relation-ship.
"many people spend more time
walking their dog than they
do trying to develope and
MANE-TAME healthy-positive
relations in the world\home."
?these things shood just
happen on their own? NOPE.
no-wonder so many homes...
relationships...crumble.
People,animals, plants,
relationships...(.all are
living.growing,learning.)
it is important to keep-up
and make-time.
(EX) want to know: likes\dislikes.
(EX) what is your favorite food?
(.fresh hot whole-grain bread.)
(EX) what is your favorite color?
(.green.)
Yes...I know, it may 'seem' trivial
but 'Friends' shood keep interested
in a person's personal ideas and...
preferences.
add:maydn.?.i see a RElationship!
but i see in the above lines a girl
who is try-ing to open me up...
but only cuz she is full of love.
you are a very-passonate-maiden.
a grimee-peasant-girl with the
heart of a royal-princess.
your just trying to
'hurt papa with love' cuz of his eyes...
somthing in the woodsy-man adores you.
as a daughter...a lover...a pet-gofer...
...a sister...a bride..
eye am 'afeared' of you...cuz of
four-play...guys need it!..those 'talks'
...your simple ways and questions seem
...simple...but are full of love.
and that hurts...un.till your-man can
surrender to it...and becomes your
closest friend...by those simple talks.
eye said(.explored,) enuff of this
at lion1208.txt book:TRUE-LOVE.
id cuzyour heart is trying to tell-me
somthing...as majestic as the trees.
:end of long-add.
(.paper six:back-side.)
maydn continues:
(EX) what does a woman think
about SEX.?. She thinks..
(1) will it 'feel' good
(right-now)
will my 'body' respond to...
stimulation.?
note: if it is swollen or injured
or in pain "regular" stimulation
like grabbing breasts or pinching
/chewing/sucking nipples OR a
smack on the ass may not feel
good at all even though for most
of the time that stuff cood very
well send-her through the Roof
oR atleast keep her 'begging'for
some more.
add:.hh!.ugh.(boing)bzz.maydn stop!
maydn continues:
(2) will there be time for me
to reach 'my' climax.?
(.like mountain climbing.)
--> what is true for me is not
necessarily true for my sister.
-->I like to enjoy "mountain
climbing".each rock,each bush,
every spring and 'stream.'
I could spend months/years at
a-time, Slowly going about in
delightful curiosity of the
Lord's creation.
Maybe my sister wood Rather
just get to the top, take a
picture, plant a flag, and
then Ret-urn home to get warm
with a good-book.
(3) will I need to take care
of something oR someone now,
soon, or later?
(4) will I be able to do this
well.?
add:..yum.yum. tell me more!
(.paper-seven:)
add:this paper got me 'pointed'
before i cood finish!
she continues to feed Lion:
I-KNOW: You want to hear bouncy,
jiggly, giggly, girl stuff. Like:
when I take-your-Reigns I will
'squeeze' my thighs -tight- around
your torso so as not to get
thrown or 'BucKed' off!...
add:my heart-is-skipping terribly
for this girl...tender.love.licks.
add:note deer-lion how she-likes
this 'position' as much as
you-like typing 'foot-on-balls.'
she continues:
ANd: your hands must hold my
'tiT-T's' in place -fiRmly-
...so that nothing gets hurt.(too much.)
Now. the most 'common' occurance
of my 'foot'-in-your nut-sack will
be... at the dining-room table!.
add:..ooch! my heart is throbbing.
...how can eye keep typing this?
kiss her toes?
she continues:
Of course, in recognition of taste,
no-one else can get suspition
becuz...one shood not use their
'feet' at the table.
I make this exception
'for -YOU- only'
cause I -know- that later...
we will 'feast' on the milk
and 'honey' that this...
afffff..ection surely brings.
add:...Yikes! ...Boooing!!
.uh..uh..i want to 'cum'4U.
maydn? help me!....im2jizzy.uhhh.
mood: 2hump-ee
she continues:
Too naughty for you.?..mmmh...mabe later.
::::i can do-it better.::::
(sexy-four)...(whole page crossed-out)
(paper-seven:back-side)
add:this side is blank! ...Yikes!
eye kissed the paper...
(.without-thinking.)
(.smack!.)
how imbarrassing...
(.i must have...? liked it..)
(paper-eight:) (.majic.number.)
this-paper is 'TO'-HARd on me...
i will just type-without adds.
mmh...mmh...mmmmhu!
...then cum-quietly in bed.
..thinking of the...
lovely maydn!
who 'hand' did-this for me!
thump.throb.thump.uhuhuh.
(.gush.)
she writes:
(sexy-three)
Now. with All that on paper
and said...
::::LET-Us.'MATE':::: !!!
Like old friends that
'always'-wanted-to! but...
never-could --> (see backside)
because they ARE too far? apart.
...and too behaved.
add:(sigh)...im-in-love!
she continues:
The 'balls' are in my hand..(court)
and I am 'bent' on making this good.
...no...great!
Watch-out for your scaly-neck.
because i am going to 'lick' and...
nibble-bite..(.nicely.) and Kiss!..
until you breeathe 'fire.'
OH! my WOrd! ..I can nearly 'FEEL'
you in my hands...uhuhuh..
Now I know why I have such
a 'HARd' time writing
this...-stuff-...
..It be-cums very Real for me...
and my body 'Aches' for it...
--> for Your Hot Breath!
..uhuh! I might end up in a...
'seXual-crazE' and become a target
for a hunter on-the-prowL.
Note:Men seem to sense, almost by
instinct 'when' a Woman is aroused.
oR menstrating....They become 'much'
'More Aggressive' than usual.
(.hint.hint.)
Lucky for you...I am locked into
my house, all Warm and Alone - -
Reading YOur prO-vocative bedtime
stories...
(.paper-eight!:back-side:)
..MY 'nipples' are 'point'ed and
CHew-able...My sweater is a...
twisted-mess and my 'Panties'
should-be Re-moo-ved. (snap)
..What I Have is 'WARM'.(very warm)
and...wet for you..
I have 'flutterbys' in my stomach
and if you were to 'thrust' into-me
right -now- and be 'done-with-it'..
then you wood be doing-yourself..
a disservice.
add:...wow! we feel same?-things!
my love-words speak of the
'moving-feelings' in my tummy
for you...but you say 'flutter-bys!'
add:..so many teeeeers!...(.snif.)
...teers of joy...to hold you.!
thhhank--youu mmaydn! for these...
hump-'moments'...eye feel so...like...
...a King...(.tender-hearted.)
...you treat-me with...
'Royal' ::(..love..)::
yet all eye can 'do' is RooaRrr.
and put my paws around you...hhh.hhu.
she continues:
ooh yess! do it...
'My' butterflys would be relieved
and I wood continue to 'stroke'
you...(.Mane.and.Tale.) until you
R-ready to pleasure me some (.MORE.)
add: oh! honey-bunny...yes!..
mood: surprised!
im glad my-heart call-d you
'honey' ..um...i 'missd' that-word.
but forgive the 'bunny'...
(.im just bunny-happy rite-NOW.)
(.boing.boing.boing.)
(...lions like this stuff.)
she continues: (sigh)
This cood go on ALL night! and day-
...unless you get sick and 'Knead'
me to 'NURSE' you. This wood Make
things hard, too. (throb.throb)
..mmh..'I-AM'-TElling you!...we 'need'
a looong... honey-bare.(.bear.)-moon.
because we-wont be 'Able' to get
anything 'ELSE' done. (.thump.bump.bump.)
...until we 'work-this-out'.
And then I hope to 'KEEP' you close.
in my (bosom) breast to show you...
..i ...looove ...you. and will 'take'
-care of(with) you...Always.
add: ?.mmh! mmh..me too! misstress
'my-WiLL' has mated.with.you!
when you said 'KEEP'...and i-will do my
2009-best to 'find' places for hearts.
add:
mood:.'very' self-conscious:
why did i 'mate' with her...?
if eye do-not-love-her-now...
'i-will'-love-her-soon.
and must pre-pare for that.
make a safe-place...a home..
for when my-heart (.or-hers.)
does 'go-crazy' 'in-love'
and then falls-off again...
see? a-home is a catch-net.
as-well-as a place for
'marital'acts and problems.
mayden? do you want to start
a home...?
(.my posts this-moon are full
of maternal acts..notty-kitty.)
do-it-for-maydn.
who impowers me.with herself.
takes my breath...in-deep-love.
...i will do-all she says.
she is-a-'darling' inside my
heart-beats..they pitr-patr-4-her.!
my-love-is-kept 'with' her...safe.
she SAYS lovely-lusty things
to-her fuzzy-gofer-guy...
and...(.kiss the gofer.)...
he sings back to her!
hmm...so this is why 'marital'things
must be 'kept-in-bed'...private.
your touches.kisses.words.open
the -soul-....allowing dreams to form.
.
.
.
choices for the new-year...
choices of a HOmE,!
(.paper-nine.) she continues:
So=that leads to a need-for
RElaxation, 4-play, stamina,
and sensitivity/understanding.
--> is any of this making sense?
Hopefully I Have you Terrificly
'aroused' Right -now-. THAT is
how i wood prefer to 'keep' my
MAn...satisfied!.
I'd Rather have him Run-from-me..
than run-to someone else. (sexually)
add: you have spoken your wish...my-love.
i will keep my sex-with-you.
cuz you feed Him 'good-healthy-kitty-food.'
he is 'safer' giving-him to you.
i am 'giving' his LION-needs to you.
to always be yours.
I will 'ASK' if i need more.
I will always Ask for your-O-K.
..umm..o.k.?
i will 'depend' on your blogs
to keep-me sexually-secure..happy.
.your-young-buck-banging. satisfied!
.you have bin my-single source of
...sexual-pleasure since berry3-08.
..cuz eye-bin to-busy (RET) and to-HAPPY
with-you to want to dream more!
maiden may i ever dream-more...
..but always'WITH'you.
..no polygamy...not even for...
mental-pleasure...it must-be you!
you-are NOT 'prison'...maydn
you are Liberty! a mans dream.
cuz you-dont-know! how pleasurable
you-'ALL' (your-all) is to me.
....or do you?
.
(.Boing!.)..me.loves.you!
..uuuh...er..i just hope it wont
make you so jiggly.humpy-jumpy
you 'bang' my balls off.
out of existence! ...(.shivers.)
...Lions are known to give maidens
strong over-stimulation..'sensations.'
crazy-cozy wild fluffy-haired Beasts...
with brow-nee Arms and kinky-tales...
eye paw-zzed here:
a fierce-irri-sistable lover
in-dangers 'bursting' his balls
if she gets to-happy.squeezy.
playful.on him.
.(.uncontrolable..!.)
...o well..
atleest he will looze nuts happy.
thump.thump....'bump.'
but if she 'is'
His Heart-keeper...
she will be Extra-Extra-careful
...with Him.
Even when 'careful' is-not
on his furr-ee fur-tile mind.
uhh...whats it like?
what duz-it 'feel' like to
have balls? ...throw sand in
your-eyes...its painful.
but lower. and harder.
and you must walk-different.
but its better than being
a girl...sure it is...
she continues:
--> Though I will admit...
that mental-stimulation..for a woman...
is great....not necessary...but great...
I think men enjoy mental-connections
just as much as physical...too.
'Emotional' connections may be...
where-these-TWO-meet.
(.end of maydens nine papers.)
more responses to her
wonderful 'hand-job'
(.permit.that.term.for.me?.)
..of her nine-papers continues
after 'package-contents' ends.
- -
(.next comment.)
next to pop-out the package was:
-paused-
(my comment:)
this next long-part is
specical-love eye have
for the-nine papers...
mostly first-re-actions.
to what you ink-papered for me!
special-love stars here:
add: oh! maydn! it hurts! burns!
i want to go-to-bed
with you so-'Bad!'.
.(.heart-boing!.)
this is...
'def-E-nate-lee'
::Marital::
eye WANT to 'bed-with-you'
only forever.
soul-bonding!
feels wonderful...with-YoU.
and good-for-me...cuz i 'mated'.
it will keep me only-yours.
a-looong-loong-time.
mated-to- you.
and bedding-you. in my thots.
what a beautiful
way to end 2008!
cleaving to you as
my-love-for-life
my-one-love-for-sex.
im-sorry-i-found
no-other...
but the beauty-of-it.
is flowers for my heart.
when i-think-of-you.
eye have her..
a beutiful maiden...
to love and to lust-at.
...and 2008-tells
how eye 'mated-to-you.'
no-one can take that
smile from me.
for eye loved her.
with all my heart.
and found contentment.
in her endless-lee
love-lee words...
written all over-me
for one-year solid
to re-mind me...
this is 'The ONE'
you must cleave-to
whenever you need
sex. and soul-mating.
talk your-heart-out to her.
she will protect it.
and you-will love her.
endless-lee! and
complete-lee and be
only-hers...and
stangest of feelings:
::::CONTENT::::
with her beauty.
with her words.
with her tugs.
with her sounds.
with her love.
with her smile.
with her flowers.
with her body?
with her soul.
with her acceptance.
with her gentleness.
with her kiss.
with that-flower
and-+smile+
she tells me my heart.
Says im loved...
and found favour
with her... forever.
i will always love
this woman! she is
my helper. my company.
my very deerest.
she is my dream'friend'...
and 'friend' is a word
eye thot...eye knew.
(.hands and hearts.
twisted-together.)
::::.maydn.I.Heart.YOU.::::
you wrote that you
'TRUST'ed..me...
and eye hated-it.
but now...its my turn
to let-my-heart
Trust-You forever...too.
...(.sigh.)
God greet you this New Year.
with infinite love and mercy.
so much like you gave to me!
(.kiss.kiss.)
(.and a papa-bear-Hug.)
(.for you.)
Thanks for 'letting' me
mate.and kiss. and question.
and giggle.and dream.and
give my heart to your skirts
where i always feel warm.
welcome.and....yours.
Thanks so.so.So.soSo.sososo
much for your provocative
letters...
I feel so sexy..(.wanted.)
I feel so loved..(needed)
i feel so you..(.mated.)
i feel so proud of maydn
:::...my-girl...:::
and mate-ing with my girl.
note:
i feel so you..(.mated.)
is true..but also error.
after-mating men tend to say 'we'
and forget she is a 'she'
intitled to her own conciounce.
not to be dis-regarded.
a common error we men make:
that all hers is his...
that what-ever eye-think..
she-thinks. this is wrong.
(.more.)
love is a 'daily'thing.
the LOVE-BOOK demands
30 minuites-talk..each day
for a 'relation' to work.
eye hope 'we' have
pre-pair'd much
for some man.to take-you.
your-love kept me
collecting all eye cood.
with lucious-options
of True-Love for him to
keep-you company with.
example:cards.emotions.
jars.story-times. and
many-ways to love and
cherish his bride.
eye have prepaired with
all of my heart. for
eye have wanted to please
my mate with all of my
heart...to help men see:
Love is 'grown'
Love is 'watered'
not 'grabbed'...
by someone who wants
to 'smell' it but
will-not
care for it.
and 'throws'
it out when the
'feelings-of-love'
has wilted.
the heart-waster says:
.why-are for love?
if eye dont love-him anymore..
and dont water-him
when he is 'down' (.wilting.)
the heart-waster says:
there are 'plenty' of
flowers out there still
nice-looking to 'pick'
(.more.)
note:eye see now...
how this kind-of-talk
leeds to 'relationship'
see.? maydn is
'trying to help and warn'
...that the-pretty-parts
do! fall-off.
and will? i have the 'guts'
to put it back-on?
'make' the relationship work.?
..a place where love can come.?
..or atleast to wait-
...till love returns!
(.for that one-and-only-mate.)
(.love is a feeling.)
.staying with her...
is a commitment...
a relationship...
a place for hearts...
dumping one mate for
a new one...is NOT...
a place for hearts.
but a place of heart
-less-ness.
...it follows love
and lust and feelings..
for a person only as
long as the 'emotion'
lasts....
no 'heart-keeping' is
required. dump one,
go get a new one...
why do they do that?
cuz no 'heart-keeper'
is present. only a...
home-wrecker...
emptiness.lonliness.
sadness...is what
their gardens grow..
jesu said seek me!
i am come that they
may have LIFE!...
Life to the FULL!
i am the bread of life.
be-'HAving' ME...jesu
said..he who 'has' me
'has' the light of life.
life-to-the-FULL.
(things only god ment
for you to be a-part of.)
a heart-of....gold.
- - -
heart-Keeper Maydn.! ?
do you still look-at
the things eye send you';'?
do.be.care-'Full'.
with hearts.
-
-no end-
-
- - -
(.next comments.)
next below are
thots eye was 'thinking'
:::while typing-out her letters:::
not while 'reading' her letters.
(.see above.)
eye type my feelings all over
the screen hard and fast cuz
the year is ending and eye
have but one-memmory of a maiden.
and eye want to give my all to her.
she is all eye got. maydn-2008
the above'lines' are thots eye had
'while-reading'...note-that.please.
cuz...next below are thots eye had
'while-typing'...out her letters.
here it starts:
wow! this is like..touching
her-heart...its all 'her' words.
they must PASS threw me...
to get to the screen...what...
is she 'doing' to me?
this is like...mate-ing..
(.more.)
mistress it will be an
'Hono-UR' to do this to myself.
the pleasure of hitting
words that 'appeal' to her...
every...single...time...
cuz they are her-own efforts.
to communicate...
wow....my heart is pounding.
(later thots:)
maydn i live a nomadic...
...death-style.life-style.
a yearly-cycle for work and
turff-setting.
i cannot possibly give
the 'talks' and 'relationships'
women crave.
i understand many 'migrate'
for work and they are Near.
if i understood it better
eye wood call you to be here.
instantly!...im just to...
'green.' yet...
thanks for 'holding' my
heart in-your-lap.. despite
these problems...and your
promise to keep it there.
'as long as eye live'
- - maydn your love is...
...breath-taking! - -
- - - -
(.more.)
yes those sexual-parts
were also 'breath-taking.'
eye had to run for the
woods to walk-off 'arousal'
(guys need to do that)
im so thankful to you...
for touching my soul.
(.standing-on-a-nut.)
the love'tugs' NOW are-so
deep!
...'
nothing REM-AIN.s..!
but to 'pull'-me-in-
'strongly'...
scorch-ing-me-with-love.
(.to Hot!.pleez stop!.)
- - - -
Im not trying to 'get-rid'
of you...Im admitting
your 'worth' as a BRIDE.
IAm admitting your
NEED of 'little rewards'
and things eye cant do.
you know.--> ??
:::things a wife deserves.:::
and so eye 'Release' you
in-the-name-of-love to
a 'suitable' suiter!
only doing MY-BEST.
for 'my-girl'.in her 'he-art'.
knowing you WILL continue
to love-me where you can.
(.for my own good.)
and god will gide..it...
but if god wants me with you.
you wont get-away. (.giggle.)
i believe that...
i dont know how my parents
'stuck' with me this long...
(.more.)
photo of mother with child:
the mother-child photo
in the card. was very fun.
cuz i kinda-knew what to
look-for in my mate...
having never seen-her-before
eye had 'peesd' the truth.
together.
and it was amu-sing to see
how accurate my thots of
her are.
- -
photo:
but to 'see' the two-deers
deer-est to my heart was an
amazing moment... (darlings!)
my chest got tite...
it felt strange...
total 'awe'...
someone eye never met,
yet 'understood' so deeply.
her-every screem.
her every-passion.
her joys. her-love.(.sob.)
and it was all mine!..
..in secret...i cood have
died.!..cuz she had put her
'heart' in my hands...
i wanted to pass-out...
her words gave strength.
what? why be shy?
eye can be free with her.
she knows me deep.
even my inner-thots.
(stuff none are to know)
she understands.
she protects...
she wants to cover.
and eye want to 'cover'her.
in-return she only asks
to be allowed to
un-cover more.of.me.
...for herself.
(.....)
will eye ever know a person
so completly as this?
:::none:::
...the world is to busy.
i am to busy.(2009).
but now eye know MAN better.
and 'love' them despite so
many faults!....now eye
know they have a 'heart.'
cuz maydn-pulled-mine-OUT.
and forced me (for all 2008)
to look into her eyes...
to see my heart-parts..
to see the liquid of love.
to feel everything inside me
becoming hard...and hers.
and her beauty...mine.
hmm.ffffff!
eye pulled away from her...
xfers-were-completed.
our lips un-locked after
the 'meenings' of love...
wer-known(head)
and FELT.(heart)...
and done.(hands)
and kept.(health.)
(.the.four.H's.)
and...
how-to be 'loving' and
what 'in-love' is.
and to avoid it for
the 'proper' time.and uses.
(marital-acts)
- - -
she also let-go of my
'balls' when she saw.
love must be 'free'...
the man must-cum-to-her
by 'choice'.
and 'released'
in-the-name-of-love
to go... to stay...
to be here. there.
(.if god is in it.)
- - -
(.next comment.)
marital-acts...
why...?
why does this 'pull' for
'intense'.petting and sex.
pull at my very roots..?
cuz it works a tite-bond.
to make wedded-life 'bare'able
2keep us-together. knit. for
the duration+struggle ahead.
of raising brats.(.um..x..kids.)
and a beautiful transition..
as SEX looz-ez 'pull'
and being 'a family'
begins to pull-harder.
the 'sex-drive' ceases.
marital-problems.turn to family...
(problems.)..and old-age.
not exactly what god-intended.
but very fitting.
(.only the 'eight' remains.)
- - -
(.next comment.)
my last-moments with her...
seem to speak strong of
'commit-ment' and a
'relation-ship' which
began as soon as the 'Queen'
'spoke' the word.
i became fasci-nated at
the meenings and 'moments'
of surrender and joy that
are-waiting in-those words.
maydn had already started
on the 'questions' for
our four-min four-play...
and for the first time
eye understood how deeply
important these little
moments are to her...
having wanted to 'truly'
know and understand a woman
(.not just for great sex.)
but also for the great-sex
it wood give 'HER' cuz
women 'love' that emotional
connection of 'conversation'
with their mate.
(.more.)
she was getting into...
'the questions' type-stuff.
woooo! (scary)
(reelee-scary)
...but 'special'
cuz i had just finished...
Lion1208.txt which...
REEeeeeely ! got into the-art
of 'questions' and other...
'Love-words' that women loooove!
(.guys can to.)
...feelings maydn may never have
seen on paper.
(.book:TRUE-LOVE in three parts.)
our first four-minute four-play!
is that why you didnt ask? anything?
mayden...?..you knew this-part was
important...but didnt know why.??
nor why guys hate it...?
nor why you ask? if reely you dont
want a 'solution' but a 'conversation'
did you ever hear a guy talk-type like this?
yes...my curiosity scares me-too.
but eye know its ending and you will have
to fite-with-it yourself..cuz eye like
being-boy.guy. man of mans-world..no-emo.
hello?? still there? poor maydn...
im still listening to her heart....(sob)
on the telephone.
love-words she felt...but cood
not ASK for...cuz no 'TERMs'
existed for...
the feelings...in his\her heart...
note:thats what streem-8
is ALL about!
our 'differences'...-explained.
why do eye even try?
...cuz her-love!
her smile.says 'please try to help me'
love me.understand me...help!'
but more...it was 'my-time'
to 'face' such gooey-stuff..
including gooey-books. (.hated.)
for one-moment in my life..
eye was picking them up...
for the rite-reasons...
(.a-one-time-event.)
heart-pounding desires to
understand maydn so-deeeply.
was the thing that kept
me reeding...her smile.
--x--oo--(: (.flower.)
till finaly i began to
understand how she thinks...
(.more close-lee.)
and how true-lee
beautiful! she is..(a glimpse)
before eye return to man-hood.
...man-hood is my 'only'
view-POINT.of the world.
and shood be! ...yes.?
...hence the term...
'its a mans world.'
...the masculine mindset!
.how HARD eye tried to
make 2008 break-it-up...alas!
or atleast 'expose' some
helpful 'differences'
stuff even the most BRUT-ish
guy..(a mans-man) can use to
please his mate with.
(.eye hope eye typed enuff.)
- - -
(.next comment.)
Maydn-please! i never 'planned'
on loving-you..?..by falling
'in-love' :::to-you.:::
By doing so eye-learned!
and will now one-day be
a VERY passionate man...
cuz eye 'listen' and even
dare to 'ask' what 'listen'
MEENZ...to a woman...
if TIME wood allow it.
maybe god-knows my end.
and 'lets-me' go deeper.
with you...then most
ever do...with themselves.
cuz god is up-to-somthing...
somthing...
out-of-this-world.
- - -
maydn you-are going-into
'relationship' training
with me...i will fite-it
and screem all the way.
cuz eye dont 'WANT' to know
a girl as deeply as eye now-do.
eye dont want a wife.
eye want my sons to be
adopted...not my seed.
my heart screems for them
cuz they ARE! and they
EAT out of the trash
in some city 'tonight'...
cuz i do-not teach them
how to 'localize' their
in-take.
hec! some of them are
probly older-than me!
you see? eye dont WANT
to study YOU anymore...
eye just did it cuz...
a Man NEEDs a MAte...
its in our designs..
but th-boy is right.
you are turning-me
into a goose-brain.
- -
(.next comment.)
maydn-2008 is a 'fine'
jewel to have in my
heart....very-unusual.
if god wants...he will
bring-me-to-your-knees
again...HE is 'VERY'
good at it.
especialy if eye keep
my eyes on the prize:
a heart 'willing' to
obey...even if my
character wood NEVER
go 'toward' a woman...
god may use 'THAT' to
bring me to you...
even faster...
-no end-
-
silence is golden...
-
(.next comment.)
-
However....
Eye Will Type this Out
(.your own letters.)
as one who is truely
bonded to you.
as one who is with you.
and enjoys you...
..
.
.
....Forever.
.
..
.
for your passions.
for pleasing you.
for looking at you.
and all over-you...
.
.
.those parts of you...
that need my constant..
tending...and care.
.
.
..
...those heart-parts...
that beg for my kisses..
.i give them tonight.
.for the night is dark
.cold.and xmas-ee..
..
.
..and your letters speak
.of deep needs...
.long-talks.
.long-walks..
..and long-moments...
..just for holding you..
...'having' you..
..
...ca-ressing your hairs...
..as a man who has found
...un-speakable treasure...
..gently out-lining...
your beautiful eyes and
lips with kind..and timid
finger and thumb.
.
.brushing the sweetness..
...and pulling your hair.
..back behind your ear..
...to look more warm-lee
...into your eyes..
..enjoy your company...
...and your 'anoing' questions.
..that women want when romanced.
he says every-night:
(.awed by her beauty.)
where did you come from?
and every-nite she give
a different romantic-answer:
1.eye come from the moon!
2.eye come from the depth
of the seas!
3.eye come from your fantasies.
im realy not here at all!
(.embarrased.)
...but always giving her
..a handsome answer..
...as one who was permited
....to speak to a queen
..and who was tutored.(not-tortured)
...under her own breasts...
..'what to say'..and how to behave.
...
....and then sliding his arms
warmly around her...a hand glides up
behind her head, the other
secures itself around her waste
to hold her firmly.
..
...
.and then looking deeply into
her eyes and heart...
as one who 'holds the lady'...
.
.
.
the lady that made him
a handsome HEart-KEEper.
patient.wise.and 'VERY' careful.
with her love...
and...
..with.her.heart.
-
-no end-
-
(.next day up-bubbled)
(.next tale.)
(add-this to previous?)
He layd her back gently
and she cozied and contented
her self to sit-up in bed
for him...to read a book.
as she read love-stories
he began to gently kiss
every-part of her...so
Happy to Have All of her
to Himself...
after chapter two maydn
cood see he was very
'hard'...she moved to keep
him that way...for it ment
he was thinking of her.
dreaming of her...
his heart was rapid.
but she was-not aroused.
(.sigh.) O.k. said she.
you may kiss all-over me.
again...but this time
you may start licking.
...by chapter four
his heart was beating
much faster...she cood
see it in his eyes...
he wanted her bad...
she loved his affection.
and now he was burning.
yet he wood not dare make
his attempt to 'get-off'
for fear of getting a
big-toe pushed into his
nut-sack...(shivers)
maydn..(the queen) did
not want to hurt his
heart any longer...
(sigh) o.k. you may
cum at my feet...
but be-quick about it.
eye have no time for
your male-problems nor
'go-crazy' fantasies.
- -
he kissed each of her
toes with the deepest
of affection and she
'cupped' her cold feet
about his hot shaft to
give him an easy-slide.
He loved her to pieces.
and her broke his heart
on her pretty toes...
'Make sure you cum them
well' she said...
Your seeds keep my feet
feeling-great! fresh and
smooth-skinned...just the
sort of pretty-ness that
will break your heart
over and over...every time
you look at them and kiss
them...(sigh)
- - - -
Maydn was to tired at
night to do what she liked.
and let her man play.
but by morning she was
rubbed so fresh and ready.
she just had to have her
way...
and now plenty aroused.
for performing her-own
fantasies with him.
which (.bla.bla.bla.)
included alot of talking...
which... her man began to
understand...and do for her.
out of 'the-purest-love.'
the kind that made her
smile.back at him.
(.more.)
2009....maydn my intent is
to end ALL 'marital' relation
with you...and you may aim
to do the opposite...
i hope you win...who knows?
but eye 'long'
to write 2009 differently.
nothing will be like 2008
(.more.)
I want you to know you
have 'deeply' satisfied me.
we all wish...(at the end)
that we had bin more 'open'
more curious. more playful.
less cautious...
i want you to know eye
have never loved so deeply.!
bin so open. nor so close.
to another person..as YOU.
My 'open' ness with you
has bin delicious. i won't
bother-you with what love
and pure-ness i yet...
hold for you..(.so-shy.)
Nor what your heart-tugs
allowed me to do...(.so-long)
words...books...joys...
maydn? what have you
done to me? as you said
at the beggining of 1-08
so now eye say to you:
i am 'afeared' of you for
your are loved...a princess
eye have grown to know.
love.honour.not-hide-from
(.secret-thots.)
..i needed.you..!!!
someone.to hurt.with..
deeply.. telling ALL.
as a friend you wood
not cross me.
but you took me for
your own!
my heart-keeper.
so eye look at 'eight'
and say for always...
8-8-maydn is great.
8-8-she loved me true.
8-8-my queen.
8-8 my princes.
8-8 hearts need you.
8-8 love is true.
8-8 mayd i love you.
8-8 gofer-girls
are 'now' understood.
(.somewhat better.)
cuz she helped me.
opened my passions.
tawt me to listen.
tawt me to gush.
tawt me to be...
a master heart-keeper.
-
-
and never go back.
(.commitment.)
-no end-
-
(.next comment.)
eye know eye wrote all
year to you like you
were very-important.
...maybe you dont know.
'How' important.
maybe thats good!
if eye had to write
an Epiphany (stepstone)
about you from my heart.
in the fewest words...
it wood probly say:
::::Eye 'constantly' felt
free to Hide-Nothing from Her
...eye never want to meet
someone like that again.::::
(.meaning unknown.)
-
-
(.more.)
I.L.ove.Y.ou...M.iss.tress.
eye failed to 'court' you.
good-enuff..and...yet...
any heart-part that
makes=it safely to you...
is a treasure for me.!
you so-deeply satisfy me.
What-ever it takes to show
submission to you...
eye wood do...and still do.
eye guess bad-things happen
when we are pre-teens...
eye wood hide-nothing...
but you kind-of know....
eye just want to-report...
(.keep it hush.) a-vivid
mem-mory of 'wanting' to
lick?kiss a semi-nude
middle-aged woman...
it bothers me knot...
except that eye was...
age-ten..at the time...
wow! bad books? yep.
ability to Mate?...
i guess so!...fully 'in-to-it'
(.more.)
eye almost got kissed once.
(.age.sixteen.)
(.other time.)
eye kinda 'sent messages'
to a girl once.
cuz.eye'wanted'to love.
she never sent word back.
eye didnt want responses.
eye just wanted to 'love'
...she dissapeared.
eye made no attempt for
ten-years...um? to-busy.
to-many worlds to test.
(.more.)
in 2006 the 'possibility'
of knowing all about girls
came into my reach..(blogs)
in 2008 it happened.
eye 'wanted' to know.feed.
on their thots and 'have'
emotion and all the-other
goo-eey stuff of love.
where were the limits?
lines? and 'why'...eye
have-become so-rich.with
heart-standing-experiences
explored..felt..lusted.
desired and thankful for
our boy-girl differences.
every emotion. every tug.
2008 was great.
but eye want to ret-turn.to
life eye had before 2008.
(.curiosity killed the kitty.)
Im exhasuted with the-emotion!
much-time goes into sex-talk.
and eye dont write it!
femn1207 was my first EveR!
I-heart<3when maydn 'words'
sex-things...it gets.HOT!
heart-parts of me only
maydn knows.
and lion-proud to leave it
with her...
eye share it.cuz of her.
I'm 'aware' of it.cuz of her.
I-love-it..cuz of her.
a lion-heart to cuddle-teez.
will eye have 'Time'
to study heart-parts again?
...Ever?..
- -
lets just forget 'what-if'
and enjoy 'what-is'
while this day lasts...
while everything points to
loving-maydn endless-lee
and deeply...and touch her.
(.sniff.)
cuz sensitive-sex scenes.
slide silently out of
sea-scapes surelee sooner.
so sliding softly somewhere
sons and sisters seem so
sure shall simmer somthing
someday sadlee settled.
and never seen again.
so 'seez' somthing-sexy...
..soon.
just for maydn.
and the feelings she
forbids to forbid.
so long as you-be-hers.
- -
(.next comment.)
ooow!
The Queen has permited
'balls-punching'
which includes...
BIG-TOE presses into
the nut-sack.
(.i red her letter.
of decree.written in Royal-ink
with her own-hand..so-now eye
-know- im in deep-trouble..)
in-other-words...
for total pleasurizing...
the Queen has declared..
''Open Season'' for
buck-hunting...
no-male in her
kingdom shall be safe.
till this 'drive' ends.
- - -
and dont say...
-no end-
-
youb1208.txt - - - - v12-27-08 girl-boy phone-call thots
.your sweet night-calls.
.condense all-night!.
.and becum morning-dew.
....these are my efforts
as a child...to paint...
picture..and post...
.things i see...cuz-of-YOU.
- -
the dream had...
::::.story-parts.
::::.bed-hearts.
::::.nut-kicks.
- - -
and here they are:
::::story-parts.::::
12-26-08 maydn's story-time
no-doubt had hidden-meenings.
and eye was tired. so-tired.
eye rested my head in
her lap while she sat gently
runing her fingers over him
and reeding a story-book.
she had much to tell to
the boys heart..
.squeezing into his nuts some
very-valuable information...
parts of herself.
parts about her he...
wood need to be strong and
keep him going for all of 2009.
maybe for all of his life.
the man in her lap was handsome.
and his heart was open-to-her.
without knowing-it she wood
write inside of him all of her
screems...passions...dreams.
and then close his heart up.
before he cood awake.
- - -
this she wood do with all of
her sons and daughter...
filling their little nuts
with reflections of her own heart.
till their hearts wood glow.
- -
kids are just shells. without the
love and dreams planted in them.
eye did not know how empty
and useless my own nut-sack was
hanging there all alone every-night
without purpose. without her.
until sweet maydn filled it
with sparkles..and sunshine.
and packed it with power and love.
and a furtile future world.
until it was tite like a ball.
- -
::::.bed-hearts.::::
her tale was 'Im Terriffic''
a little bear who learned
he didnt need to do-somthing
to be-special to his mother.
my story was 'george carver'
the childhood of famous men.
the part that hurt-me was...
if you start petting a hunting-dog.
he wont work. he will hunt awhile
but then come home to be petted.
it can ruin a good race-horse too.
as eye lay there looking at maydn
...my very fair 'filly' horse.
eye began to weep...i know these
days and moments will soon end.
cuz petting is not good for the
man who will run a new-colony.
he is a work-horse. not a pet.
(.more.)
there was many-many more
struggles going-on in the hearts
of both maydn and me as the
stories from our lips came to life.
but they were not expressed.
love was telling us to listen.
smile.say things that will 'cheer'
us both up..for whatever lay ahead.
- - -
so...eye dropped all my anger and
dissappointments to tell Maydn i
still love-her..and love-her-her.
and..like a child... began typing
all the heart-changes her-love
was still doing to-me tonight!
hoping to slowly-form the gorgeous
man she deserves! ...and dreams.
(.next comment.)
im so thankful i didnt get-angry.
cuz anger blinds...i wood have
missed some care-full-heart-tugs
maydn cood-have placed on me.
It was when she turned-off the
phone and climbed into bed that
eye noticed it...for the first time.
her back-side bent-over...waiting
for her mate to 'ride'her... so-sooo
pretty...and slapping that
cool-Rump of hers into my warm-lap
wood...for a boy....be extasy.
but somthing happend as eye was
'stare-ing' at her figure.
...i thot...
...i thot eye heard...
..inside of me...
...her own heart saying..'you fool...
...i dont 'just' want your 'Thrust'
...i want to feel your 'Trust'
..when you go in and out of me...
..eye want to know im getting your
heart with it. i want to feel a boys
heart...coming in to me to be mine..
..completly..and entering the story
with me...with my heart forever.
she continues:
sex is just a 'picture' of what
is happening to two-hearts...
and eye do-it to you so that your
heart will 'open' next time i want
to water-it. and make it grow.
guys got no emotion! no feelings!
she continues:
.I am here to plant emotion...so in
'spring' you will gush with love for-me.
and by'harvest' (.oh!-Boy!.) all that
emotion eye gave-you (.at great cost to her.)
will come back to me! ten-times what eye planted!
no! ...more yet.! maybe 100x-times.
maybe a million!..and eye want to feel-it in bed.
THAT is why girls 'talk'
That is why they 'BAnK' up
all week...charging-things-up.
cuz when they do-it in bed
they are 'soaking' up all
the 'emotion' and love-notes
and 'conversation' and trust
and 'feelings' of being
understood.loved.needed. and
wanted...by their man.
thats what turns-them-on.
thats what makes her thrust-harder.
THIS...is what she is 'feasting'
upon when she gets-wild in bed.
and this...is 'how' she has
and provides...great-sex.
for you...and herself.
- - -
(.more.)
And 'maydn' provided me with
that input...she has bin much!
her voice.her words.
example: she said: i do-NOT
have meening-less sex and shallow
relationships...
note: boy-thinks:what?
what does she meeen? she has a
standard...but its not a boys!
note:NONE of her words made sense.
to me...sex was only skin-deep.
if you are pretty...i get hard..
if eye lusted..you did good.
if eye had those 'amazing' feelings
just-before cumming..you did good.
there was no more.
guys can provide 'muscle'
but not 'emotion'.
so i gave her all the 'muscle'
i had. i even sent her..to
timeformecatalog.com so she
cood 'have' toys with 'muscle'
to vibrate those-two parts of
her that get-sensations...
the-clit-area and the g-spot
deep inside...which
i didnt even 'know-about' till
eye was 'wanting' to please maydn.
In Ret-urn...maydn has provided
'emotion' a sense of 'belonging'
to her...in a deep-way.
after our phone-call last night.
eye felt even deeper!
eye enjoyed her 'emotional-sex'
in bed and it 'deepened' my being.
eye was learning to 'have'
emotional-sex with HER....like
women have with men...
men have it too...
and do not seem to be aware of.
what it 'can' do....emotion is
alway way below.on their list.
.and 'lust' for a good-looking
body-girl..is'way'up.the list.
(.guys are missing alot.!)
but then...girls cant possibly
enjoy what guys see...let me
tell you maydn...it is wow-wow.
Why? cuz their 'design' ?
is to off-set the-emotional.
by providing great 'musclular-sex'
they are experts of 'those feelings'
in the nerves. in pysical-lusts...
they are 8-x-stronger than their
female mate.
but in maydn...i begin to sense...
the 'emotional-sex' of pleasure.
we reely are the same!...in needs.
but my need to be 'wanted' is
lower-on-the-list. and so its not
'fed' as it shood be.(except4U)
my 'want' to have a great-girl-body
is always near top-of-list.
thats why i told maydn guys are
always stronger at th-lion part
of their heart...than these
other parts you (maydn) have bin
feeding inside of me.
i didnt even know eye 'had'
heart-parts till eye looked into
your eyes maydn...'THAT' is how
blind guys are to 'meening-ful-sex'
and 'shallow' relation-ships.
im just begginig to see this...
and maydn cant find the words to
help-me...she dosnt 'word' her
feelings like men-do...and has
told me at the-beggining that
she is imbarrased at her natural
need to 'have' a man...i make it
somewhat clear of my same-feelings
for her at the end of this post.
.(.my needs to 'belong' to you.)
maydn? i hope eye have hh-elped
you understand guys alittle better.
if not...eye have greatly
understood myself better.
(.and will forget cuz im a male.)
but...
by NOT-looking at my 'SELF'
and just looking at your letters.
you have given me a heart
for god. for people.
and my nut-sack swells!
sparkles and shines
with the-full purpose god
had entended for it.
filling me with the deep-passions
of true great-sex...so intamate
so inriching...
where-as before it was
...what is she talking about?
...to a man..beauty was only skin-deep.
you maydn naturaly balance this 'bias'
which a man 'natural' has.
and eye trust you will continue
to help me in that...(uuh..area.)
- - -
i like hearing you cum.to
your mountain-peak...guys love
girl-giggles and girl-squeels.
eye feel heavenly when eye
can 'pleasurize' you with a
great body...
but now the match-making is
complete with intense new-beauty
...when eye begin to realize...
hey..wait..!
she is squeezing me even titer
cuz.. she enjoys his heart.spirit.
and. soul...and wants that
mans heart..native-earthy-living
sliping into her too!
not just his fine thrusting-knobs
of great size and throbbing-texture.
but why dosnt he 'identify' with
my 'emotions' nor show 'emotion'??
you made it clear women like those
nobb-ee parts as-much as the men.
shood that be all men sex-with?
no...you want those great
week-long build-up of compassionate
awards.appreciations.affections
from a handsome guy...splurting
out of your heart all-at-once when
in bed...thats what she feels for.
...he can too..?? ...yes.!
thats why the books keep saying
to provide little tokens of praise
and thanks and love-letters to her.
small. size-less...and very frequent.
and unusual 'surprizing'...
like the TRUE-LOVE book said.
it builds things up for emotional-sex
in ways a boy just 'cant' believe.
nor understand...why a girl wood want
all that.
noR did eye know!
but now eye heart-know..
.cuz of you maydn
THANKS...sooooo so so so so much,
(.next comments.)
::::.nut kick.::::
all these words
were amazing!...
the woman was amazed.
he wanted to 'know'
these things? from me?
maydn almost fainted.
the mans heart...
...was trying to
word things...??
thinking-much...
and...yes to-much...
he was focus-ed
on 'his-words.'
...and
not 'listening'-
to --> HER.
so...she kicked him
in the nuts.
...(.ouch.)
to snap
him 'out-of-it'
focus on-her...
get-emotional...
less word-ee.
...
and he did!
he forgot all about
beautiful words.
cuz he felt pain.
he felt her nudity
suddenly striking him
under his tum-ee.
- -
the cold-skin of her
toes hit hard...
on his balls...
and then rested.
- - -
she looked into his
fear-full eyes.
she wanted him to know
she cood give him
pain and pleasure all
at once!
and that she wood be
care-full with both.
and with his nuts both.
she just wanted his
body...and his heart...
back.
her toes 'flipd' his
nuts.
sliding them hard
across her foot...
up her leg all the way
to her kneee...
it sent shivers threw him.
his nuts got dragged hard
all the way...up her leg
to her knee-cap...
screeching like breaks
they rubbed and vibrated
all the way up.
then she pulled-out...
and his big-rubber-balls
went over the edge again
rubbing and breaking
down her leg.
slowing the decent
and slamming
painfully to a stop
at her foot again.
sliding back under
her toes...were she
flick and played on them
till he went cross-eyed.
- - -
by this time the boy
thot he was going
to die...his thruster
had grown big and firm
and it was screeming.
shooting pre-cum in
all the excitement.
which dripped.
no doubt from a pre-vious
adventure with her.
- - -
(.end of my fantasy.)
as for maydn...
.eye have dreemed of
working her to her peek.
there are ways to get
her there faster but iam
short-of-breath...
during her departure
to the moon...eye tell
her plain-lee that eye
will take-her heart
when she goes and plant
kissis on it so she
cant calm-down again.
and this talk excites her
even more.
and eye pinch-it between
my lips and torture it
with my toungue...
making her blast-off
ten-times harder to
the moon than expected.
hehehe.(.giggles.)
than while she is still
throbbing with extacy eye
will lock my lips on hers.
and our tounges will touch
and ticcle....
which will blow her so far
off the moon to wherever
planet is closest...
hopefully to earth again.
where eye will steal her
heart and pull at her tit-T's
till she is shivering with
the pleasures of being a
woman.
...if she makes it back
be-sure to protect your nuts
cuz she will be seeking revenge.
warn him:
if you looze your balls you
wont-have those wonderful
tingle-tingle zap-zap
thrust-thrust gush feelings.
after loozing a nut
im not sure a woman wood even
be visualy-attractive to him.
somthing down there 'wants'her.
but mayb lust is in the mind...
but passions are in the nuts.
(.similar to breasts.?.)
im-sad to-report that i knew
nothing of a-mans-thruster.
till i met maydn..i had no
idea what that big-long thing
was for! ...i wish i cood
warn boys...not to touch their
nuts for stimulation.
it was the-only thing i knew.!
but now eye see its as 'sterilizing.'
that maybe why i never saw them
do anything with nuts
in any porno-magazines that
happened my way..( i donot go
looking for those mags )
so now i try only-to stimulate
the long-part...rubbing it...
and leeve the nuts alone...
well..o.k..i do like
to 'flick' them.
cuz it stings where the nerves
are..,,and eye do enjoy maydns
use of the word 'knead' ...
i just wish...i had done better.
oR-if-eye had known...the things eye
type now....now in mid-life.
or with maydn....at end-of-life.
or is this start of a-new-life...?
i dont know...maybe we will
rescue-each-other.
and make-it-happen.
someday soon..(.i need steps.)
i like it when maydn crosses
my path and makes things...
difficult for me...as a male.
as a friend...i lover her for that.
even tho eye dont want it.
i need her...she knows that.
but eye just run-away...with tears.
cuz eye dont understand...
eye dont want to.
eye....am afraid to be with her...
but eye...
want?-her.?
(.yes.) (.burp.)
i was going to say....
eye want her....
eye...
dont understand me.
but eye can still .smile.
and bite what-ever she gives.
until eye am bold-enuff
to take more.
- - -
i-love-her...
it dosnt matter if
she can-or-cant give more...
like that story she red
book: I'M TERRIFFIC.
she dosnt need to do
anything...
eye just love-her....forever.
Always...
non-stop.
with heart-throbbing kissis.
- - -
(.more.)
i think she likes
the life-style eye paint
at galeeb.
and the pictures we draw
together....
after a week of that-kind
of affection and charging-up
my love-batteries with
visions of green-living and
heirloom seed-saving and
earth-clay-mud architecture...
i too wood blow-my mind and gush
over a handsome-guy who made me
feel all those perma-culture
tribal feelings...beside the
wonderful goose-bumps of the
big-knobby physical-battery-charging.
...um...if eye was a girl.
eye kind-of see why they want
some...connection with a lifestyle.
when they are thrusting-hard on
their mate...the 'emotions' of
being connected with a romantic
culuture..plus a romantic-man,
plus endless love-notes from him,
plus the phicical-feelings which
he can relate to...in a way.
all that together wood make me
so charged-for-sex i wood be
thrusting on my mate all night.
eye can see more of maydns view
of sex..eye like it...its more
all-inclusive...adding traits
and feelings that probly shood
be apart of the-sex for the
production of better-seeds.
the male...im afraid...has no
interest in the sex but the
physical contacts.(.eye-candy.)
i hope you can 'widen'
his view 'point'
so he can have rich-sex.
my dreams are 'romantic'
and that does helps alittle.
i include a certain dress
some emotions (few)
some culture.
maydn is helping me
cuz im not getting
that part...to deeplee.
without her female-vision
and soul-dreems for a mate.
i am lost..and incomplete.
(.more.)
eye also want maydn to know
that my desire to 'stimulate'
her has 'limits'...
no chemicals.
no drugs.
no pills.
no alcohol.
no stimulants
.(-toys are ok.)
.(.vibrators.)
.(.cod-pieces.)
warning:
alcohol eats living-cells.
if it kills germs
than it kills cells.
brain-cells.
..and that meens you.
it also eats oxygen...great
for preserving foods.
but guess what alcohol
does to your blood!
it 'takes' the oxygen.
what part of 'you'
needs oxygen-rich blood!
your brain...
so you die...slowly.
it also remove defenses
so you get-sick easy.
so my bride is dying.
and theres nothing eye
can do.
- - -
but eye am a heart-keeper.
eye will do my gofer-best
to keep her healthy so she
can-have wild-sex.
and keep-hearts too.
eye love my bride.
eye wish she knew
that...
-
.(.burp.)
-
-no end-
fffff
yes..eye wish she knew..
-x-o-o-L-N---(.that.)
-
dfun1208.txt - - - - v12-27-08 fun-dream.
i like recording these.
morning-thots of maydn.
very strong.
i want to capture them.
d-fun-dreams.
mem-words:
cleve.(we-foots)
touch.(what-parts)
next(blow-level)
always.(soul-kiss)
seed.(die-new)
start:
:::cleve.(we-foots)
i dreamed of the secure-feeling
of maydens-foot resting in
the curvitaure of my-own foot.
what a restful thot it is.
two-together.
:::touch.(what-parts)
we have 'known' eachother
long-enuff to know what-parts
stimulate our mate the fastest.
eye just touch them...
:::next(blow-level)
when i reeely got her going...
and mountain-peek is neering.
she lets me know she is about
to explode! so eye kiss her
on the lips and rubb even harder.
while she is as at-the-top...
(.throbbing-like-crazy.)
eye keep looking into her eyes
while she gives me her heart.
and then when she feels helpless
and shivers and orgasms cover her
eye kiss her to catch the
beautiful spirit she is giving-up
during her pass-down-the-mountain.
(.i love her.)
:::always.(soul-kiss)
...always.?
i forget this part of the dream.
eye look into maydn's eyes and...
every-time eye think-of-her.
i hear the soft pleasant sounds..
...of 'always.'
:::Always:::
eye will always love this girl.
eye will always lust for her.
always adore her words.
always want her affection.
always keep her heart.
always give her my acceptance.
always love my silly-filly.
always my gorgeous gofer-girl.
always make peace with you.
:::seed.(die-new)
i almost forget this
part of the dream too.
somthing about commitment.
when a seed 'die's in the ground.
it sprouts and begins a new-life.
they say it died...cuz if you
pull it-out of the ground.
put-it back in the box...and
re-plant it next week...
it wont do anything...cuz its
not-a-seed anymore.
thats why 'dating' dosnt work.
you cant 'plant' a life with
one-girl, then pull-it-out,
go looking for a week...and
then plant your heart with
another girl...thats not life.
you mite live...but your heart
wont work nor grow a happy home.
i want maydn to stay with me...
cuz the-leaves are coming-out.
we have 'dormant' seasons...
but sooner-or-later...kids!..
and...with patients..new-seeds!
hearts that are 'ready' to do
heart-keeping....
not heart-hurting.divorcing.
destroying.
i guess i shood-have typed this
dream the-day it came...
but eye-did-my-best
for the-queen of hearts
...i say 'Queen'
cuz she will be
re-flecting gods-love into
little-hearts.and nuts.and
into every-little-stitch.
like a big 'Leaf-eey' Tree.
maydns leaves and roots will
give beautiful comforts to
every creature in the woods.
this is maydn...
and this is my bride.
and to be-kind to her...
for when we water-a-plant
we are actually watering
ourselves.
so the tribal-leader died...
like-a-king in the Bible.
full of days,wealth.riches.
and honour.
Because He had Mayden.!
and did not let her go.
-x-x-o-
-
-no end-
-
..(.next comment.)
(.Day-two.)
time to show her
eye listen.
.position.topic.2gthr.
start:
..i know:
we both prefer sex-positons
related to our-own experience...
there is so much more!
but you like 'missionary'
and eye like 'foots-eez'
in = heart. we enjoy it.
in - realness. we woodnt.
wood we..?
(.more.)
..i know:
topics grow more intimate
and less tribal.
please-understand
but-you-are-a-part-of-me
i have wanted to 'know'
for-so-long...
eye cant
treat-you like a-ret.
cuz you pet-me to much.
and eye woodnt let you
stop anyway. 2008.
(.more.)
..i know:
you want me to come to you
and take you home...for good.
we-want eachother. thats enuff.
...um...sometimez.
(.more.)
..i know:
you like angry-abusive guys.
but i have never fot-with
my-sister...we-did quarrel
one-time...when we were tiny.
eye had her pinned-to a corner.
and she let-out a pitiful-cry
eye never-forgot...we were
friends ever-after...
we never talked harshlee again.
brother-and-sister...were quiet.
together.forever.
(.more.)
with all this input of your-own
likes and dis-likes eye can begin
to type you a proper-short dream.
but excuse my-own weaknesses and
preferences that re-show often.
(.more.)
thanks for the 'package'
yes eye-like questions...i want
to please you. you wont anger me.
i will choke for an answer...but
i still feel you want more than
the answers...you want 2'converse'
a girl reaches for somthing neither
eye nor she has words for...
so just do it maydn...be bold...
be shy...be'have'ing me. to play with.
im so sorry guys dont 'relate'
you want them to feel for you...
and enjoy you...and the goal gets
scrambled by mixed-signals...
just love maydn!...teach your boy to
respond-back...when you stumble on
somthing good..(.101ways to have fun.)
tell him it pleases you and he will
keep doing it even if he dosnt see the
'point' and you cant explain-it yourself...
(.more.)
here are some thots eye have 'heard'
but cant-find words for yet:
note:assumptions are dangerous.!
girls especialy 'suppose' things.
without finding-out if its true.
we use the same 'words' but for
completly different reasons...
he can say he 'likes' her...but she
did not ask...in what way...
girls need to 'ask'..and not 'suppose'.
i think gender108.txt notes this.
(.more.)
..i know: i have bin 'gushing'
long love-words to you since 1-08
now its 12-08...and your heart says
'.more. honey. more.'...oh! brother!
(.more.)
Thanks so-much sso-soo.so.much
for your love-lee letters.
.eye like the 'hold your
breasts firm-lee'part...
i dont WANT to 'like' it..
.i meen as a man...
eye keep-going back to
those words for comfort..
your-bosom warms me...
somthing in me is naturaly-pulled
to...to..um..well..
(.goat-milk.)
(.sigh.)
your man can lay-down at night
and get-cozy with your affections
and love letters. to make my
heart-lights burn brite.
and iam so happy to fall into
deep-emotional-sex-love with
a grime-ee peasant-girl.
cuz her muddy-smile re-minds me
that eye have fallen mad-lee
in-love with a woman who has a
beautiful and gental touch.
...more royal in
her breast and more queen in
her heart than many-a-lady of
any kings courts.
- - -
she is a kings treasure.
cuz she is beautiful where most
women are not...in her heart.
(.next comment.)
O.k...i promised a passionate story
based on what eye now-know of maydn
and this whole girl-boy problem.
It goes like this:
...ooops....to-tired.
i bin 'typing' all night!
you said 'how was your holiday'
i said 'good' but now you know
the truth...it was full of -YOU-
and you 'deserved' it...all eye
cood possibly strive to find
and keep of you...for you.
(.see im going-mad thinking of you.)
im not red-ee for this 'mating' stuff
but i circled like a shark so well
eye hope eye-sore some things you
love berry berry much.
...i still got this pretty-picture
of you in my mind...very-pleasant...
very-nice...trying to make-love...
but not knowing where to grab nor
how to hold on...so we just...
giggled all our frustrations out.
so happy to just be'having' eachother.
mayden you are my 2008 endless joy.
-
(.more.)
eye must finish typing
what eye found in your package
over at mydn1208.txt
did you notice love1208.txt
is -NOT- lovd1208.txt ???
your phone call has
started a new post: youb1208.txt
and this is the end of dfun1208.txt
so im doing 3-letters to you at a time.
cuz your wonderful-news..to me!.
eye want to hold you.
and tell you eye adore my goose.
eye love her for all that she is
and she does me...o wow! i just
want to faint when i think of love.
and how badlee it needs a place.
for it to 2009-grow.
maydn eye love you so.
-end-
..p.s.
your supposed to feel for certain
muscles in the bag when you milk
the goat..and then 'straddle' it
till mayden is shimmering and
shaking and going-cross-eyed
with the intimate pleasures of
being fur-tile...nourishing...
and gofer-gorgeous.
uhh...but eye wont ask
questions till she
gives me my nuts back.
-love-
-
sorry maydn...i tried to add
anger and ruff-stuff...
eye cant...
i feel more like a TREE.
so-in-love with-you.
-
sole1208.txt - - - - v12-29-08
out of new girl-input
grew new-dreams.
paw-zd at 'paused'
deerest maydn! you dont know
how nerve-shocking...
it is to be typing
embarassing fantasies of -YOU-
and then have you phone...
at the same time! ...uuh..
its very...um..
emotional...
(.droma---atic.)
(.romanci-tizing.)
(.kissis.)
begin:
foot.srjry.rspct.rgrt.sole.
Silent Night!
-
-
HOly Night.
-
...all is calm...all is brite.
-
Her man lays beside her...
tell-ing all his dreams.
soak-ing-up! her soul-wishes.
the xfers of man and woman.
are done in silent tonight.
For He us fast-asleep.
He us curled-up around her
like a cat protecting All
'his' kittens.
Mayden hurself is curled-up
under his-arm.. proping hurself
up on one elbow to=gaze at stars
and moon in sweet honey-house
windows.
- -
Hur eyes and heart ret-urn to
her mate...he makes soft and
'anoing' pur-pur-pur sounds.
..His fingers are laced-tite-lee
to hur toes on one foot.
..even in sleep..he re-fuzes to
let-go-of Her 'pRrr-ritty-niss'
(.more.)
His breath is cool-moist on
her-breasts...and steem-eey.
His tale is constantly-Erect...
and throbbing.
:::She likes him kept that way:::
it meens he is 'wanting' her.
die-ing for Her...
hurting inside for her...
He-is-full of handsome-ness
and handsome-dreams..(.eyes.)
(.wonder.)
this may cum from his balls.
...from an ancient hi-story.
(.where else do? passions.begin)
it tells him to stay-Erect for her.
.stay-dreaming.stay-writing.
.stay-with this mayden-girl.
...and he does!..writing-down
what '.hump-y-ness.' says to him.
but 'where' does it cum from?
how-old 'are' these feelings?
why is it -Strong- now?
Always writing.
type-ing them to her. when it
is time to 'awake-passions.'
...
is this 'love' or 'in-love'
...???...
- - -
(.next comment.)
:::RELATIONSHIPS:::
A Male Must 'safely' Pass
'intenSive' heart-surge-ery.
to get 'this-close' to a woman.
Hours and Hours of bleeding to
death for her...and gushing.
followed by 'Exposure' of His
heart-parts after the 'cutting'
- -
LAter...a-better understanding
of what-a-woman-wants.develops.
(.and.wow!.what.a.woman.)
(.more.)
As Her-Mate pur+pur+purs into
her bosom...she...starts to
wonder how his 'operation'
is coming...
She takes his Big-Hand and 'laces'
his fingers with hers.
then she kisses them all...
and holds them to her heart
so He can feel the-bee-ts and
so she can enjoy his pulse.
.yes.. he is-asleep...
and she knows it..
...but all this data inside
her will xfer to his heart
and nut-sack.better -NOW-...
than when he's awake.
(.cuz guys got thick heads.?)
its best to'converse'men when
they are not logical in-mood.
see gndr108.txt for-how-cum:
they will listen and relate.
.no advice.no fixes.just empathy.
do-not 'teach'.them...if you do..
use questions...not accusations.
(.more:next.)
She Wonders..will th-Boy inside him
'Survive' all heart-changes.?
if so..will he 'chooz' to be
'bitter'...or bee 'HAppier'?
(.more.)
She has nothing but th-Hi-est
'Respect'(.like-a-king.) for this man.
who is willing to:
..'curb' his fantasies.
..change his hopes.
..looze his life.
..set new-goals.
just to 'BEE' with her.(.knit.)
::::Commitment::::
all re-grets..
and 'expectations' must
be silenced.
peaceful-is
Our-agreement.
(.to'Stay-Together.)
:::no-matter-what.:::
-
(.next comment.)
Now she holds his Hand
even 'tite-r' as she ponders
all his heart-problems.
In total-Awe of His willing-ness
to stay-with-her.
even at its 'liver-Worst.'
Thank-Ful-to-Tears for this man.
...Her tear-drops Fall on his
fingers-pressed to her heart.
they quickly absorbed and go
into his-body and nut-sack...
becuming a-Real-part of.him
and of-a-story they 'BOTH'
are write-ing for children!
...their future..in'nuts'.
(.wow.zerz!)
All-she-wants now is to Soul-Mate.
with this Man. She tries to do-it
Every-way she can...by great-sex..
love-lea books..long-walks..
garden-talks...kids..foods...fun.
Each Event re-nudes the bond....
Each time she 'smiles'..types..and
touches-him...a new part of the story
is written...untill his heart-tugs
for her become... so strong..hu.
his 'soul'begins to 'search' for
her..as.a.woods-man woo-z for his Maker.
His 'Soul' (.mind.will.emotions.)
begins to 'Reach'-to-Her.
:::for'who'she is.???:::
(.More.)
Maydn ponders all this...(.sigh.).
as Her mate continues...
to Put-Put-putrr at her
tummy-muscles.that..now are moving
deeply for him...uh...uh...hhhu...
she moans...she 'coos'like a dove...
she wants to 'Have' emotional-Sex
with him..(.and she is.)..in her heart.
and she wants it with his soul.
note: change the genders around..?
(.giggle.) if you re-verse gender
and put the girl to sleep...'HE' wood
want emotional-Sex...with her 'S.O.L.E.'
(.please excuse the funny-ness of that.
this story is-way-2-serious.romantic.)
its just a thot..at another view-point.
(.message continues:)
(.more.)
The moon-light is deep...her passions
are 'Steep'...cold-nite air makes
'parts' chill and her heart-beat
'WARms' with strong-lusts for him...
she wants his heart...
and she 'begs' to have it... she
Reaches for his testicles...
her Heart just 'Swarming' with lusts.
bzzz zzz zzzzzz.! (.sting.sting.)
(.burp.)
(.more.)
But things get Bigger! when its dark.
she feels round-him till she cawt...
somthing like 2big-apples...in a bag..
..hu...wait..This cant be true.?.
she feels round-him to find.if..
it tis-her-Man...it-tis!..and not her
Steed...its true..and his shaft is
guy-normous-too....like a horse.
(.yum.yum.) can she Hand-L this. ?!
(.more.)
mayden seems to know a way
of 'pumping-his-member' to
such an ALARM-ing-size that
not-even-she is able to
'contain it'...uh, but we
wont get into that...
she slides across his tummy
to play with his 'Nuggets'
while he is asleep.
feel-ing and feed-ing
his soul with her
fingers and adding her
tender-touches...without
worry-of him biting-her.
gazing at the family-jewels.
wondering what heart-aykz
it must 'bee' to carry-those
always and un-protected.
trying her best to add her
own feelings and dreams
to the 'family-treasures'...
her-own worth and happiness to
the 'inheritance of dreams'
he keeps 'Garded' below his
loins and between his sexy
thighs.
they are just hang-ing there
like christmas ornaments on a tree.
they seem to magick-le-ey
absorb everything about her.
and everything she does.
as if they are...for a moment.
compleet-ly-hers.!.
she makes them glitter.shine.
twitch and slide between her
hands and toes. feeling like...
::.Finger-Jello.:::
they jiggle and 'bob' and
she 'flicks' them around.
and gazes at them...they seem...
filled with the 'mysterious-taints'
of his-elders long-ago...yet able
to hold her-own-passions and past.
and plant them into the nuts of her
future children and grandchildren.
muh!...my-word...
what a strange and wonderful
thing a nut-sack is...she cant
believe He likes-her-enuff to
let-Her flick-and-kick-his
balls around.all the time.
but such-is love...deep-love.
and good fabulous-sex with a
girl-mate who refuses to be
shallow with him...
puLLing him into his destiny.
and mating-with-him to join
his future.
- - -
she kisses him on the-chest
so 'scented' as a sandy-sea.
so 'needy-dry-he-is' for her love
that his heart 'absorbes'
the kisses of the maydn-lea.
(.more.)
The Hand laced with her-own and pressed
to her heart she-moves-now affectionatly
down to her thighs...sliding and gliding
his ruff-hands across her smooth skin...
to a part of her with many folds of skin.
as if his touch wood teach-him to 'hear'
things words cannot say...
this area between her legs became
soooh!-aroused and warm and wet...
that she had to move-him to another part.
..under her breast.
pausing as she went...to let her new...
instructions silently enter his heart...
she was a marvalous 'Tutor' for him...
telling his hands and heart what to
feel for...what to do...and then...
letting the records seep permanently
into him...as part of his...story..
(.more.)
she frequently planted kissis which
seep into his heart, absorbed by him
as tho by the thirsty-dry-ground.
ahhh...she wood coo to herself...
he had a wonderful earth-ee clay smell.
spicy...salty...and ruff as sand-dunes.
she knew each touch of her tougue
and her beautiful lips-kiss.
tingled-him and charged-him-up...
...and wood one-day burst-him...
breaking his heart with new...
Lion-Like passions for her...
for she was planting love today...
to enjoy the'passions'of her man
tommorrow...
...But alas! ...the brushing and
touching of her Cold-Breast
to His Hot-Body woke him...
and her loving tender time of
quiet instructions-...vanished.
He was awake and as 'Bull-headed'
as ever!...muttering somthing about
dead-trees and wild-goats...
(.burp.)
he paused...
to diegest and enjoy the wonderful
feelings maydn had planted in his
..heart...
(.more.)
WHEN convinced he had found
:::a New sURGE!:::
he passionately reached for
his fair...fine 'Filly'.
(.his.sweet-heart.darling.).
He began 'Ride-ing' Her with
deep and strong desires...
lusts...excitements...
She wood need to grip the bed
tite-lee for fear of being
'Buck-ed'off or 'Thrown' from
the sheets.!
She 'Fully' understood 'why'
he may-NOW-be in a 'very'
play-ful Mood...
..(.giggle.giggle.)
...uh...oof!....uh!..maybe...uh!
maybe..a-little 'TOO' playful..?
.(.boing!...boing.!..BUMP!.)
she didnt want to be-the-one with
the 'bruises'...and maydn knew
just how to 'kick' him in the nuts
to calm him down a little.
it always worked well.for her.
..um...but...one time she kicked
him a little-bit...'to-HARD'...
and Her-Lion let out a horrible
rrh-ROoarrrRh! and he was wimpering
soarish like a little-puppy with a
'broken' leg all next morning.
It also made him go-cross-eyed
for a while and He wood-nut
go -'Near'- maydn.at all(.no-way!.)
Maydn had to talk-sweet.to him.
throw her hair...and contort
her body to draw-him again and
win his 'confidences' back.
'woo'ing him and 'attrac-ting'
him...to-herself....softly.
(.more.)
In only a week...
they were truly-intemate again.
her-Lover in Her Lap 'Bosom'...
Purrring Loud-lee Like a Big-Cat
...happy and content once-more.
(.sigh.)
She promised with 'special' looks
in her eyes that she wood be more
care=full. And Mr.Wiskers 'Loved'
her deeeeply...ever after.
(.dispite her giddy-giggles.)
And won Her Heart...over and over
with long-walks..long-talks...
cool-nights...out in the fields..
deep in the woods...trips to town.
adventures under the oaks.(sheets)
and Hikes across the mountain.(peeks)
singing gods happy songs...
wispering sweet-words...
and letting the flowers and birds...
send their special-greetings...
..
.
::::.to my-Lion and Me.::::
.(burp).
-end of tail-
-
arrrgh! Im very 'cross'
and the tail was 'short' cuz
Her hanging Cold-Breasts woke him.
(.more.)
- here is a hymn eye found
in a church hymn-book:
O Love, How Deep, How Broad
Attr.to Thomas a Kempis (1380-1471)
Tr.by Benjamin Webb (1820-1885) alt.
O love, how deep, how broad, how high,
Beyond all thot and fantasy,
that God the son of God shood take
our mortal form for mortals sake.
For us baptized, for us He bore His
holy-fast and hungered sore. For us
Temptation sharp he knew. For us the
tempter Overthrew.
...
deer maydn! many..many things were
'ending' the day eye found that hymn.
the world eye knew wood be no more.
the last words of a wise man to
survivors left-behind was this:
in 2009...place Christ..above All.
lift him up...talk all-about him..
what the scriptures say of him.
share him 'each-day' with people.
read-him sing-him learn-him find-him.
who he realy-is...seek first him...
and all else will make sense.
in these troubled-times he spoke of.
and plant what makes you happy.
in other people...so it can grow.
no more 2008.! what we planted then
will come up now.
b-b4-1-08
- - - -
(.next comments.)
(.day two.)
- - -
out of order???
note: the man did not talk-much
in your fantasy....
girls like-it when the man
is tal-king 'and' having-sex...
eg.your-beutiful.
eg.eye-like it here with you.
eg.flatter-her with a phraze
after the peek ends.
it may help maydn to 'get-off'
if you remind her that 'HER'man
is talking! he is the 'one' who
typed this lucious tale.
.but maybe that-part dont excite
her...(sigh)..im-searching for
somthing to please-her...
and maybe my searching is..what
turns-her-on...more-than...
ANYTHING.else.!..uh..i meen...
'his-love'...and
..um...not 'his-words'.
- - -
(.next comments.)
here are clips of things
going on between-us at
the-time this post was
typed...
::.phone.call.sun.12-28-08.::
sorry-you didnt like the Tape.
there was a possibility you
wood not like it.
Everything we do.say.think.
is being re-corded!
if you were upset at the tape.
what-will-you-say when your life.?
is re-viewed..
(.first-tape..to-last.tape.)
people can-not'see'any danger...
untill they hear-them-selves
on tape...and by then..its to late.
(.so eye sent that to you.)
just as when eye fall-in-love with you.
eye see my heart-parts..it upsets me.
...cuz eye can see myself. in-heart.
chick.com\'this was your life'...
so.Rule-number-one: #1:
.think before deceasing.!
(.maybe you wont...)
not-much 'keeps' us alive.
one-breath. one heart-beat..
that-tape reminds me
that all-life is recorded.
and there is a possiblility nations
will-not-like what they hear...
Nor the God who will judge them.
-end-
(.next comment.)
my need to love and be loved.
atleeest you liked the little
pocket-book: TRUE LOVE.
by Daphne Rose Kingma.
catagory:psychology/Self Help
note: 'pshyco'
is a word-disguise.
we use it to sale 'acceptance'.
(.it.adds authority-value.)
to her book.
where-else wood you catagory?
a mooshy-gooshy book about love.
...um...?
catagory:veternarians/cat-care?
its content is far from 'pshyco'
let me type-here the cover-info:
TRUE-LOVE: How To Make Your
Relationship Sweeter, Deeper And
More Passionate.
back-cover: In each of us there
is a tremendous longing for love.
The love we desire is not only
the eUphoric feelings of a new
romance, but also the ineffable
consolation of being deeply known,
recieved, and cared for, the
profound security of spirit that
comes from being deeply connected
to another human being.
"But sustaining true love is
difficult. All to often the loves
we fall into disappoint us....
We want to enhance and deepen the
bonds between us but we dont know
how."
A course for encouraging the skills
of loving. book:TRUE-LOVE offers
more than 60 inspiring and
illuminating suggestions to help
you expand the psychological,
emotional, and spiritual possib-
ilities of your own True Love.
-by Conari Press.
isbn 0-943233-13-5
note: eUphoric
eye like that word...
it meens the victim is
'convinced' things are improving.
when reely its getting worse.
-end-
(.next comment.)
(.other topic..story-time.)
Im glad george-washington-carver
got his-own-pet-horse...for keeps.
but another wave-of bandits came
and...
-
(.sounds familiar.)
(.next comment.)
phone-call 12-28-08.(.sigh.)
That was our-first 'daylight'
conversing-sensation. Ever!
im just 'so' in-love rite now
it hurts to 'type'...
the giggles of my fine-fillys.
(.more.)
the honey-house is a different
place at mid-day... and sounds
of clutter tell me its time for
scrubbing and cleaning.
(.burp.)
I think the buzz-word of 2009
will be..
::::Localize:::::
foods.friends.jobs.
and the word 'patience'
localhavest.org
heirloom seed-saver catalogs
(.more.)
::::our talks together::::
...(.sigh.)
eye thank-you 'for.that.time.'
and at dawn 'parts' we 'spoke'
sink-inside me and excite-me
so terribly eye cant control-it.
the emotions...the dreams!
eye shood start a book of
things eye want...to-hear.
but wood never 'ask' for...
super-personal thots:
eye like 'the-words' eye use
to get-myself-off in bed...
to-bad my fantasies are limited
to the-range of my-own feelers.
maydn cood add soooh-much more.
..why?...
cuz her 'feelers' cover
experiences.emotions.and words..
eye may not have...so strongly.
(.its not being fed.)
we help each-other 'deeply'.
example: her letter.says:
* At this point in my life...
" i'd like to live as if only
love mattered, as if redemption
was in sight, As if the search
to live honestly is all that
anyone needs, No matter if you
find it."
my response: eye did not'plan'
to read book:TRUE-LOVE.
it just 'happened'
so we helpd each-other 'deeply'.
there was over sixty-parts.
and by blind-chance she
'picked' the part eye wanted
to read-to her: Love Has Seasons.
(.more.)
Later eye tried to get-her
to play the game and poem
eye had typed for her picture.
see:::lion1208.txt:::
:::.so-did-eye!:::
and...
:::BE-cuz....I-AM-your-queen.:::
...she did not do it.
...she did better than 'eye' wood have.
...and....eye love her for that.
she has no 'feelings' for a queen.
cuz she is one.!. she dosnt 'need' one.
so she cant 'imagine'
the pains a boys-heart must have for one.
its very earth-shattering.
but if my queen wishes...
(.and if she is reeding this.)
she can change the word 'Queen'
to another 'WORD' that meens
alot-alot-alot....to her.
and then we can 'try'
the poem again.
...passions grow when watered.
.and.lovers can customize-things
to fit a 'lust' or a 'need'.
(.his..or,...hers.)
(.burp.)
And by night-time eye was going
absolute-lee 'Bokers' for this girl.
to get-myself to 'peek' eye
think words that do-it for me.
short thots cum to me:
she.(.fantasy girl.) says to me:
When gofers are bad...
i bag them and bonk them on the head.
but when you are bad.
eye will bag your balls in my socks
and tie them tite to your shaft
with my panties...(.boing.!.)
and bonk them on the head
till your eyes are dripping
and cumming wild-lee.
we will have a pin-yatah party
with your balls...
striking them...
till the candy falls out.
-end-
.woof!...strange things guys like.
the 'words' are correct...but..
wood they want that for REAL-ee?
...such words just get them excited..
(.terribly excited.)
im glad girls dont 'have' that problem.
...but get cawt with guys who do...
and want it.bad.
(.more.)
personaly eye have enjoyed
what mayden is doing to me...
yes i know.the True-Love book
says 'Your Sweet Heart is not YOU'
(.see chapters at lion1208.)
and eye try to 'feel' for maydn!
step into her emotions with her.
(.which is my duty.)
having re-gret that maybe she
is getting very-little out of me.
but personaly...as a guy...i am
having the ride of my life!
it has bin heart-breaking and
completely rich and satisfying.
she has no idea how intimate
eye have becum with her...
watching my soul sink
into the passions of her
own heart. and melt.
letting her mate-with me
by the words she uses...
and then having.
::deep and unprotected::
'emotional-sex'.(.one-word.)
with her...
a bonding with 'the-other' gender.
that eye will never forget.
allowing her to flood me
with her-own feelings and emotions.
and twisting my heart in and out
of her own until they are 'knit'
and using my sex-drives as needed.
to get her soul-longings..messages
that she has always had...into me.
so that...as time begins
to close-off my sexual-passions.
eye will be left with a heart
filled with what-ever maydn was
able to breath-into me...
do you understand my fate?
eye invision... an older-male...
40-45...past his prime..not nearlee
as handsome as he was...nor anymore
'consumed'with 'fire!full'passions.
(.and typing endlesslee to a girl.)
but still able-to please a woman of
the-same-age. but with less feeling
on... 'his-parts.'
(.burp.)
But eye do for-see a 'happy' older man.
::::with a 'Big' Heart.::::
:::RICH and FULL:::
Rich from a 2008 boy-girl study...
and FULL of deep Love-building blocks
that couples must search-for.
but few find...eg..how2love your mate.
...as eye told you earlier maydn
...you have done things to me..
that will one day make me...
a deeply 'passionate' man...
and you maydn? cawt my goods at the
appointed time...when eye so wanted
to mate with somthing eye did not
have words for...now have words for.
Thank-You Maydn.(heart-throbbing.)
for giving me the words to read...
and then making-me feel-it in Bed...
so that eye understand 'completly'
what you have tawt me ---> love.
packed in so much my heart got Big!...
packed for the future.of..hard-times.
when things will get confusing...
why shood my secret-passions
be confuzing too? not anymore!
your heart-tugs give meening!
to words...meenings eye can feel.
and remember you by...forever.
example:
this part of your letter:
(.read it at mydn1208.txt.)
Watch-out for your scaly-neck.
because i am going to 'lick' and...
nibble-bite..(.nicely.) and Kiss!..
until you breeathe 'fire.'
OH! my WOrd! ..I can nearly 'FEEL'
you in my hands...uhuhuh..
-end of quote-
Thank-you maydn for giving me
that 'Fire'...feelings for you.
in a way that it wood not kill me.
nor indanger you. but make me better.
a dragon with a kind-heart.
tender and touched..by a beautiful maydn.
Even as an Old-man. in those days
when 'th-father' heart-part will be
stronger...eye can read at night-time
the magical words of mayden 2008.
and enjoy that :::'Fire'.:::
cuz eye survived it.
with her in my heart.
(.more.)
note this:
words allowed today.
pre-pair (.im-pare?.) tommorrow.
and Today is the result of
words allowed yesterday.
- - -
2009 will be the Results
of passions planted 2008.
and 2008 was permitted
to be so heart-throbbing.
cuz of soul-longings we
had when we were kids.
- - -
maybe thats why eye love
maydn most of all...
she is my heart-throb.
-no end-
-
-
libb1208.txt - - - - v12-29-08
things do at library:
print and post:
send her menu:
put these on cd+stk
included post-me and print-me versions
Hi.MAyden!
here are the things
posted in december 2008
love1208.txt -did - -v12-9-08 mental-flashes of maydn.
lovd1208.txt -print -v12-17-08 'loving'her..is not.'in-love'with her.
hip1108p.txt - - - - v12-23-08 collection of hipgnostic for print
king1208.txt - - - - v12-23-08 eye like it...but what does 'she' see?
lion1208.txt - - - - v12-21-08.txt ah! th-lions heart-part for maydn.
mydn1208.txt - - - - v12-26-08 9am ..package from maydn. sent17,came-24th
youb1208.txt - - - - v12-27-08 girl-boy phone-call thots
dfun1208.txt - - - - v12-27-08 fun-dream.
sole1208.txt - - - - v12-29-08 out of new girl-input grew new-dreams.
each is full of love.
and longings.
to love you more.
heart-pains.
by the heart-keeper.
note:
we both come from our fathers Hearts.
yet we both must out-do them!
www.growbiointensive.org
www.bountifulgarden.org
www.rareseeds.com
www.ancientcerealgrains.com
wow!
only moments of 2008 left
and im still pouring-out
love-letters to the most
powerful queen on Earth!
-no end-
-
- so forgive if they got
...a little...viscious!
...grrr....(.burp.)
-
How interesting it is that two deeply engaged friends cood not help but to speak messages in tongues. A deeper attraction of not only mind and spirit but an almost uncontrollable wanting for agreement and friendship between bodies. Oh man, the things I want to do to/for him. That is why 'he' doesn't speak much in my fantasy...because I want 'him' to surprise me. without me telling him. (yes a bit-o fantasy) "he just instinctually knows what i want and he knows it."
i will try to be more direct about my wants and needs instead of hoping you to read my mind. allthough often you are right on-it. oh good, very very Good.
i heart you my-Love.
--oh yes, 'she' can post now...for some Godly-reason. ? mayb i earned my priviledges back because i apologized sincerely and i recognized my own insecurities and anger and how/why to be more patient and reasonable. and not to scream my head off just because i am a little hurt.
better to be wounded than to lose my head completely.
XO to a sexy beast
calr-109.txt - - - - v1-8-09 new lover-input.
knowing someone in all
their differences, ways
and preferences...is love!
to 'know' me is to love me.
- - -
Here are new in-sites
that make us better '.known.'
(.more.)
morning-thots...
of what-we-conversed
1-7-09 phone.call...
her Man tries to be intimate.
...He was fuM-bling
emotions he Never felt-b4.
she just wanted him
'talking'...not sorting-out
his feelings into words.
- - -
(.next comment.)
fool! she is going to
strap-you to her-heart.!
you sat and 'listened'to Her!
you 'knew' her.more...
..to love-her more!
you fool!...
she will pull you even
tite-r to her-self...
driving the hair-pin
threw your h-EAR-t..
into hers...and out again.
stitch.hook.loop.
.crochet-needle.shaft.
...please stop.
...your getting 'hooked'
dont 'do' this!
this is... relationship
knit-ing.
you wanted to TRY it.?
now the attractive-pull
is curl-ing you up
around-her like beans
on-a-pole....
she likes your shady
green-leaves...but it
pulls you tite-lee to
her heart!.
do 'not' do-this.
you are 'mate-ing'
you like her so-much
you do not see it.
sorrows caused to 'beings'
as bond-ing...continues.
weaving in and out of
her and him to make them
'.knit.'
- - -
(.next comment.)
its all about heart-keeping!
'serving'her in the temple
of her heart...where she
allows you to enter...
to listen.to...to add-on.
For reT-turn she only asks
be-gentle with her he-arT.
and with her.heart-parts.
bee a bizz-y wait-er in her
courts.and in'her'pleasure.
if she says:oH waiter!
yes? how may eye serve you..?
she motion-d me to reed
true-love book:p.118
topic:Reveal your Fears.
bee-willing to talk about
what your afraid of.
common idiotic fears:
im scared if-you-go you
wont be-back.nor love me.
im scared if you talk-all
the time you wont listen!
im scared if it hurts cuz
im afraid it wont get better.
(.more.)
the truth is: Our Fears.refer
to some tender-place in us...
where we've bin hurt.
where we havnt grown.
where we're not strong.
...or where we'already-had'
our fondest-hopes...
smashed to bits!.
no matter how simple
...or..over-welming...
'FEar-s' are those
hidden-comments that
'streem-8' from fragile-parts
of our hearts.
(.more.)
in re-vealing fears we give
our mate access to places
we 'neeee-d' nurtured.
and...(.good news.)
...b-cuz of its vulnerable-ness
...it-is also more-able to be loved.!!!
add:
a-weakness...an-emptiness...
a-void...invites-power.
ami-giving maydn the affections
she deserves/?...is my weakness
for her.. felt when she is near?
(.more.)
in-un-veiling personal fears
we-expect-a loving response:
i know you love me enuff
to let me show my weaknesses.
it also shows: i 'trust'
you enuff to bee-careful
with me.
when we TELL our 'honey'
what we're afraid-of...
it-itself is a powerful
compliment.(.you-R loved.)
(.more.)
disclosing fears...
brings deeper intimate-cy.
common idiotic fears:
my mate has-it 'all-together'
and im the chicken-hearted one.
- -
note:Re-vealing our fears...
prompts the other person to
di-vulge his-own fears too.!
putting you in-line with
the inner-most-self of that
other-person. and join-ing
them where they feel most
terrified....most alone.
(.conclusion.)
Stik-ing-together in trials
in fears in weak-spots...
IS the-Reeal-part of bonding.
...which is at the
very heart of love.
???
add: boy-eye-wish me-maydn
wood remember that! (.burp.)
(.next comment.)
(.day two.)
heart-keeper's duty:
tell his-her likes-dis-likes.
some-other-boy beat me to Her.!
but eye cannot find his works...
so eye will post my works!
'Exciting'bitr-sweet-adventures
with-in-to maydns heart.
and add my own 'differences' too.
so boys will 'know' her better.
be more-heart-keeper
...understand her.
...love her...and deeplee...lust.
for her.
and treat-girls better...um.
...the-deep-affections
:::-true-lee-longed-for.:::
in all of us.
cuz what boys want
and what boys need
is not to clear...(.differences.)
(.next.)
Here'ARE' the 1-7-09
phone-call-Notes:
scribbled on paper
while she was talking:
book reading:camping and
mountain-neering.
beutiful...wow! she wrote
me a good-evening heart-wish.
camping:location.tents.tarps.
water-proof.pole-arrangement.
living-space and ventilation.
time together:9:15 to 10:30
Her Hair is
****-long. and
****-colored romanticly as
fairy-tale Repunzel's Haair
(.the girl locked in the tower.)
oR...in this case...
beautifuly seated she is
..in her tree-house. (sigh)
throb..throb..throb.
(ouch!)
Be calm my hart...be calm.
she became a teacher at
****-academy in *****-AZ.
infint and toddler-care.
certified...under a chch.
Her Good-Evening HART-Wish:
:::with my love:::
dear-heart-heart!
I Love Your Mind.
cherish your <3Hart(.love.)
I Adore Your Spirit.
with sssoft 'featherd-Wings'
to adoRN your AMAzing! body.
May you-always Find...
light beneeth your feet.
May You Always 'knoe'
that your beautiful mayden
will care for you...
...un-condition-al-lea!
(.end of HART-Wish.)
...and this was said from my
heart...even if eye can-not
say-it-'to-you' the way eye
reelee meen it. cuz eye giggle
to much.
(.next comments.)
she continues:
parts of my original Xan-blog
are parts-of me...tried to
picture what kids his age
look-at....im not on drugs...
add: i know.you.mayden
you have grief.a weak heart-part.
and do not want to internalize-it.
the pakage you sent me...had a
small article on how writing-out
your problems makes them heal...
and eye guess it did more...
without your first-blog...eye wood
never have met my sweet-heart.
my-love-for-life.lust.and-greef.
my-soft-side..my-emotional...me.
that part of me that 'wants'
to kiss...
but dosnt know how...(.yuk.)
she continues:
eye liked your blog on vortex-science.
and other amazing-stuff.at galeeb.
but the neetest idea:
is practicing-to-stay-together.
(.streem-eight.or nine?)
i think wood be a good idea
if....you....want...to marry.
she continues:
call your beloved by a special-name:
for me...
Queen is better than...
grimee-peasant girl.
but Maydn is better.
what-ever makes your heart
go-crazy-the-most.
For me...your name is...
Sir..d.L.Lover-ly Honey-Bear-Bee.
(.becuz it makes me want to
kiss you!.)
(.more.)
for your future Reference:
neck-kiss is permitted.
no cheek-kiss. no hugging.
no touching. do not kindle
his-her 'have-sex' fire.
it will burn everyone.!
and ruin the fragile.tribe.
my mom saves hair for
pin-cooshins and sharpening
needle-pins.
birds swoop down and grab
long-hairs for nesting
materials...from a womans
head...
im also very 'green'leprikonish.
(.four-leaf clover-problems.)
(.more.)
weather:snow-storm.
phone-has choppy-reception.
schools-out 2-weeks for Xmas
so ******** is real Rout-ee.
i had time to hear your cd-rw
(.shood be copied to cd-R.)
patch-the-piret songs:
topic:godly-heros.
title:polcats poison.
she continues:
eye have long-***-colored Hair.
so eye cant-memorize well.
eye have an NIV.study-bible.
i will be reeding for the
tenth-moon:Ezra-Daniel-Haggai.
as-is typed at moon1207.txt
and the personal-chapters
john3,1st-john3,Romans3.
i 'know' john 3:16 and
the lords prayer:Hallowed be.
::::my-hands for gods will::::
add:like a friends-house.
besure to visit-often...to
remember..his preferences...
to secretly..become like him.
and stay aware of his wants.
so is Bible-Reading.
its His words...to you.
you will love...
only what you listen to
...for to know-me
is to love me.
so be careful what you Hear-t!
and the greatest duty of all:
love god with All the hear-t.
the first command!
and the secound is so-similar:
Love your sweet-heart.naybor?
un-conditional-ee..
(.next comment.)
(.day three.)
notes typed by:::
sir.d.L.Loverly.Honey.Bear.Bee:
my personal-intimate concerns.
(.that she shood not know.)
is that im 'afeared' to hold
my goose.
if eye was with goose-keepers.
more i wood be more 'bold.'
yes! ..bite her.(.nicely.)
and -Slap- her Rump. to keep her
laying.eggs.fast!
Hi-product-tivity and passionate.!
those 'things'
a man can do to keep
a woman terribly hap-py.
and helping her feel
very-excited.to be a woman.
im upset cuz i-feel my
skills are not-good...
this keeps-me from loving
her 'more' passionately....
feelings say...your not good-enuff.
your to-slow. your to-old. your
not rich-enuff. your-ugly.
i want to blame my parents for...
you know...endless things.
but when i look at her.(.maydn.)
i feel...loved.
feelings say...you did good.
you got desire-able-billy-teez.
your handsome...gentle...patient.
(.sigh.)
she promised me locks of her hair!
cuz even the strongest man has a
small weak-ness for beauty.
her wonderful feminine
accents swoosh inside me.
hurting his heart to listen.love.
hitting him in his weakness...
she begins directions that
change him from man-to-mate.
somthing girls wood-die-for.
(.more.)
at story-time eye like order-ly
book-reading and sharing...
she Reeds-first cuz she knows?
her voice makes me very-weak-for-her.
feeling her emotions...
eye forget what to say.
eye got lists of things
to say!//but im.mh! to-blushed.
she says words that make me
very dizzy for her.
so she begins
to talk her heart-out and all eye
do is listen..take it in.
soaking-up her tender-heart-parts.
she fills me with herself.
eye share my own feelings...
not written.
cuz she has me love-locked.
(.bluR-brained.)
so i just say what comes out.
sad-part is eye dont notice.
till daze later. my silly-ness.
eye try to stop her.
by hurting her heart.
...with things she loves.
...so today (.2009.)
eye start note-ing
...things she loves.
...words and things that meen
alot.alot.to her.girl-ee heart.
eye write them down...
and keep listening for...them.
(.more.)
she is having trouble too.!
she warns me she will read
what she wanted to say...but
will-not be-able to say-it
the way she wants to...
plus eye must look-past all
the giggles...into her heart.
like the kids bible-songs.cd-rw
you need to look-past the
silly-ness...to the heart...
messages so important!
(.more.)
eye think both hearts want
to mate...and yet 'dont' want to.
hoping she or me will forget
where love grows...and make
all this passion and hurt stop!
she found-a-way-around the
no-petting Rule.! no touch.
no kiss. etc.
by promising to send her hair
braided or twisted to make my
heart hurt-terribly for her.
carressing and kissing it.
the man holds his prize to his
chest...so thankful for a
beautiful woman to love...
yet he is in-for-so-much
:::heart-trouble!:::
her braids are a love-potion
poured-out Hot! on his soul.
it is very-important that she
'mate' with him this way.
im getting dizzy just typing-it!
we also have bin play-8-ing-out
our passions with words
instead of deadly-touches.
words eye now accept
for 'fear' such passions will
never rise again.
its called...'emotional-sex.'
last night she batted
her beautiful butter-fly eyes
and told me how to kiss....
she even permitted me to
try-one on her silky goose-neck.
but eye was so-busy.ink-writing
her likes and dis-likes...that
eye didnt see when the go-offer
passed.me!...(.slow-poke.)
but eye did-note her 'likings' for
an 'eskimo'kiss and gave her one
before going to bed.
it felt wonderful tiklish-lee,
i must do it till eye like it.
rubbing-nozes is a new-thing.
and ahhh! of all treasures...
eye have a beautiful-prit-tee
goose with 'funny-fliprrs' to
try it with.
(.wow!..now 'thats' noz-ee.)
(:brite-side:)
maybe-eye am a-slow-poke.
but records of how to passionately
meet-and-greet her woman-hood
.(.and the prit-tee girl inside her.)
wood not bee-here! if eye didnt
'paws' to write them.
and then next-day type them.
its my-way of saying...
::::eye dew-deeplee adore::::
the delicate girl of hearts.
but yes....i shood have stayed longer.
for the kissings.
-.cuz eye love her.-
-no end-
- umhh...her heart-hurts!
when eye say...
::::.Eye Love You.::::
eye heard-her 'gasping'
for breath a few-times...
when eye said 'iloveyou'
these last few times.
::eye-Love-You:: meens....
somthing to a girl.
that the boy dosnt understand.
cuz he always wanted a queen.
he is saying...you are beautiful!.
but the girl never wanted a queen.
she longs for a husband-mate-keeper.
so when boys say 'Eye-Love-You'
it meens...somthing else to a girl...
somthing 'He' may not want...
and hurt her by de-fraud-ing
her rites to a beautiful-husband...
which you were not intending to
provide for her.
please be careful!
mayden help me! eye dont want to
HURT you...your love is wonderful.
eye want you health-ee...so you
can be 'having' me and the 'emotions'
your inner-girl shood be free to
give to a boy without fear of
damage....destruction....scars.
(sob)
(sniff.)
(.brite side:)
its nice to know...
when we are tired of the-tingles...
we can go back to poo-bear-ville.
where friends are 'passive.'
and differences are 'over-looked.'
as do 'Roo' and 'piglet'do.
and 'tiger' too...and 'long-ears'
until then... i feel like boy-girl
are still at a secret-meadow.
playing with wonders of their heart.
the boy pokes a finger into hers
...and she sqeels!
ouch....did that hurt...?
(.he writes it down.)
the boy also bows to her with his
heart-open and she sticks her Hare in
and wiggles it till he cries in pain.
she says:ouch...did that hurt..?
oh.bother...we are too-curious.
about how hearts work...(.burp.)
but eye wanted to know!
and so eye come to this place.
hope-ing you will always love-me...
....mayden...?
flower.kiss.smile.
meens eye 'favor' you.
(.frozen-flower.)
(.eskimo-kiss.)
(.bee-hive-smile.)
eye Favor you.
my hi-prized-bride.
my Li-Lo Lass-eey.
my fine-feathered filly.
my warm-milk gofer-girls.
- -
and just think!
you dont have to type nor
write sentimental personals
anymore....
in 2009 you can look for
cards and poems pre-paired
much-better than home-grown.
just cut-and-paste.
no more hours wasted typing
your-heart-words.
i looked at my diary 2008..
.how many times!
do i find these words:
another day wasted typing and
writing to my sweet-heart.
-Yikes-! eye-will be a better
time-waster and heart-keeper
this year??? 2009.?
eye-hope-so.
-Yikes-! eye--hope--so!
-no end-
- first and final difference:
Men want to LUST HARd! and...
Women want to be-Lusted-AT..HARd!
if not available...
they both will settle for being-loved.
feeling-wanted.accepted.visited.
and 'be-long-ing.'
Kissing.touching.hugs?..
.all 'Block' true-commune-ication.
(.and starts fires.)
it all goes under :::Pet-ting:::
so just avoid 'petting'
and everything will be Wonderful..
(.im not kidding.)
god only wants the best for hearts.
as model-d in the creation-story.
where Real-Relationships can grow.
.'petting' can begin when im
convinced these 'pets' will have a
wonderful place to go.(.a home.)
to be themselves...wither they ever
get petted oR Not..
example:poo-bear and friends...
.a place of solace.
not fires...
.that-is what eye want
Mayden to have.
and..be 'Have'ing.
we WANT hearts to grow.
we WANT smiles.
we WANT flowers.
so we water it.
and keep sex-stuff out
so it has-room to grow.
um..to-bad eye cant see
maydn... that-way...(giggle)
she is reeeel Fine!
eye has a Pain-full way of
making me 'satisfied.'fast.
passions have a purpose!
and eye need to kiss-her-NOW!
cuz those passions'die.
and swell up again...re-minding me
how fragile sexual-love...
tribal-love...child-hood love...
and friend-ship love.is.
they are un-deserved gifts.
and abilities that eye hope
eye will hold to the fullest.
not mis-used. not un-used.
so many treasures!
worring about what-people say?
(.politics.)
when mysteries of how things
works and grow in nature are
all around...
my greatest treasure is confidence.
that jesu will clean-me and gide-me
to balance them ALL in a beautiful-way.
to show me my-part(a-part)in them all.
he wants me to play...that part.
a part for me.
a part for you.
so lets being doing.
cuz this is HIS day too!
I love you maydn.
-
-
-always-
-All-Ways-
:::-in-love with you-:::
-
-
hhmmmm!
www.christianwomanhood.org
-
-
smoo1-09.txt - - - - v1.11.09
re-actions to new input on
understanding women...
the Bible's untold clues.
--begin:
Hello.Fair-est.Mayden.
Your silk-ee smooth Smile
sends my soul see-zures.
if this is how you
choose to'Fite'him...than...
He choo-zes to surrender.
and silently swims new
sections on-how-to-pleez her.
- -
(.more.)
Oh.!...???
Why are the vines-of-Romance
of-lovers hack-d! to pieces!
till no-leaves..nor-beauty.
can-show??...
heart-broken-and-ashamed.
answer:
cuz Masters of the vineyard
love great-Big passionate grapes.!
and.cutting.things.down...
is what makes them -GROW-.
(.more.)
so make the man'Cry'in -Pain-
deeply for you...more deeply
than.ever..before...so-as
to hold more grape-sweetness.
for-the-time-is-rite!
and become the-Lady that holds
his BiG-strong-Heart-Beats...
:::strongly-Throbb=ing:::
and held against your soul.
your husband!...and be pressed
to him passionatly as his very
own luciously-hi-priced-Bride.
- - - -
notes: these-ARE.the-soothing
words that 'cum-new' to me as eye
stumble-upon new-books.
dis-covering.somthing.so totaly new.
how 'shocking-lee' beautiful
my-maiden reeely is...and what a
treasure god-designed in-the-heart.
(.more.)
EYE wont? post any of 'my'
heart-thots...in 2009..and they
are few....
just little gushes...
to show my re-action to books...
and to mayden...
and how true-ly happ-py eye am...
to be loving someone like you.
- - - -
I-M-N-love with-you.miss.lea.
::::You are my Treasure::::
eye will never forgive you
for-Re-mind-ing-me...it.
That 'putty-ing' My-Heart-Clay...
into your hands...is where love.Grows!.
holding-YOU-and-holding-yours...
so-very-firm.
-gentle 'x'
-gentle 'O's
- N-E -
-oops!...none.of.those.
(.sigh.)
yet a Roze is a Roze....
so let-me-at-leest
place them on your Noze.
like eski-Moze.
-prit-tee-girl-
(kiss)
- - -
wooops! ...if one falls
on your neck...um...
you can help-me-lip-it-up.
were it belongs.
(.burp.)
-just-more-for-you!-
-NE-
-
-
(.next comment.)
(.day two.)
1.14.08 maydn calld.
time:9to9:30
Book:power of Praying
by Stormie Omartian.
selections for the
young-woman-graduate.
(.for the young woman
starting a new journey
in life.)
hi-gloss paper...elegant
colors on every page.
book is no-thicker than
your pinky-finger.
any girl who wood put-up
with me in 2008
deserves some-kind-of
graduation-styled book.
basic format:each page
has a thot.then a prayer.
then a bible-verse.
its just plain beautiful!
its a Bible-study.
its done so real to life.
it fits maiden so pretty.
cuz we live in a
short-subject-world...
i like its style.
before and after bed.
cuz in-only-a moment you
get rich nourishment.
a stronger spirit...
with one page a day.
your-man will sense it.
coming from your heart
and want to mate-with
-you.closer.to get it.
please give it to him!
leeve a part of your
heart open so he can
taste what you taste.
hearts do-try to give
what-is put into-them.
if you fill-folks with
violent-silly-shows.
you get...
violent and silly-folks.
but a wise woman-man...
who can find.?
here is one-page...
incase you go looking
for such a book:
(.oR you make One.)
p.70..a great future:
God has a great future
planned for you...iknow
this cuz he said so.
..1.corinthians 2:9..
::::.thot.:::::
Remember God is able...
Ephesians 3:20...Stay
focused on Him and He
will keep you in perfect
peace.(despite) as He
moves you into it.
::::.prayer.::::
Lord, i put my future in
your hands and ask that
you wood give me peace
about it...not my plans..
your plans...knowing you
have given all i need
for what is ahead...give
me strength to endure.
i reach for your hand today
so i can walk into the
future You have for me.
::::.Gods Promise.::::
There is surely a future hope
for you, and your hope will
not be cut off. proverbs23:18
end of page.
note: i like how it ends with
a bible-promise..cuz then
i do that-one verse all day..
.until i have memorized it
into my heart.
and not these worthless radio
love-songs that make men
more-sick as they try to follow
the 'suggestive' content.
seduced by.'feels-good'music.
incase Maydn wants me to
read more of it to her...
contents page:
9.being a daughter of god.
21.finding success.
33.understanding his promise.
45.building foundations faith.
57.facing trials.
69.moving toward the future.
81.following gods leed.
93.enjoying gifts all along.
105.receiving inspiration.
117.living the good-life.
memorize the bible-verse
say it to a hungry-heart.(me)
for next-week.
this book feels similar to
book:the purpose driven life.
by Rick-Warren.
if other bible-promise-books
are in you reech...go get one.
sir Honey-Bear Bee says so.
(.burp.)
(.more from phone-call.)
story-time:
childhood of famous men:
george washington carver
moved to Neosho...
doubled his cook-stitch
abilities...
he cood bake fancy-stuff
and copy store-clothing
and chrochet it at home...
no matter how complex.
now he's moved to Kansas
for his Health.
maydns camp-book:
is now at bugs.ticks.things
that make her cringe.
-
meer1-09.txt - - - -
v1.15.9
v1.12.9 boy-girl studies.
new-book.to'deep'en you.
title:Discovering the Mind
of a Woman.
....by Ken Nair.
paused at paused
FULL-title:
the.key.to.becoming.a.strong
.and.irresistible.husband.is...
DISCOVERING THE MIND OF-A
WOMAN.
cover-design:
photo:female(eyes and nose)
to 'catch' Reader.
Reader flips book over...
Back-Cover:
(.big Letters.)
"NObody UnderstANds WOMEN"
Most men wood agree...
the accepted myth is that
women are 'mysterious' and
'incomprehensible. ' and...
bla.bla.bla.
isbn.0-7852-7811-7(.pbk.)
thomas nelson publisher.1995
and...bla.bla.bla.
Ho. Ho. Hold-IT.
im 'not' typing all this.
only 'parts'.
so she can have 'me'
and eye can discover 'her'
and enjoy it.
cuz its me.
catagories:
marriage.interpersonal-relations.
wives.christianity.psycology?-1995
(.so eye begin.)
more on back-cover:
drawing from his-own story
and many husbands whose
marriages were dissolving.
Ken Nair re-veals:
four male prejuices about women
that alienate husbands and wives.
six qualities that endear men
to their wives.
five symptoms of an uncared-for
wife.
six indicators of unsolved
communication problems in marriage.
three major biblical concepts
absolutely vital to a successful.
marriage.
four calling birds...
three french Hens..
two turtle doves.??
and a partridge in a pair-Tree!
- - - -
geee Eye Hope eye can get -ALL-
this 'StuFF' to mayden...
(.she certain-lee is worth-it.)
our.home.
wood.bee.sooo.prit-tee..if...
(.burp.)
yep...im tak-ing this book home..
to see what happens...
hopefully it will arive...soon.
cuz this book is like a basket
:::.full.of.jewels..:::
eye can 'see' Mayden in the
tree-house.. fingers-full...
try-ing it-on...and
'floating'about the house...
humming-her-happy-hum's...
compleet-lee-satisfied.
what a nice gift.
(.burp.)
eye will send the basket
via-de-lio'n...
he can carry-it..
in his mouth....to the Tree.
and wait till she comes
...down.
(.next comment.)
foreword-word:
i am glad for this book.
i find thots here that will
help me be more thutful
of my wifes needs.
why and how she thinks
diffrnt than eye do
about so many things.
to live-with and love-her
with 'under-standing'...
is one of the greatest
gifts one cood ever give
to a maiden.
this change in a man...
and the consequent responses
by the wife...can result in
alife-changing home...life...
two-gether it can shine to-
many-more.who.are.darkened...
with-out.lights.
(.more.)
Book contents:
ARE-NEVER what-you-think...
but...
i will type it to be fair.
(.begin.)
CONTENTS:
forword...v
1.a discovery that changed my...1
2.men who made the commitment..11
3.four male prejudices...24
4.Husbands that wives love to love...47
5.dont tell me IM the key...66
6.How to know if you are the key...78
7.that incomprehensible woman...104
8.How do i measure up.?...123
9.a Lesson on jealousy...143
10. the character issue...154
11. the fine art of listening...167
12.Getting our hearts together...185
13.Im just Weird..(.sex.)..207
14.Impact on Our Relations...222
15.the acid-test of commitment...231
(.end.)
..Wow...
thats-the-book.
in 15.secounds!
here they are again:
1. one event changed my view.
2. five men win their wifez back.
3. four things prevent men from
'discovering the mind of a woman'
4. six qualties regain love.
5. defensive-men impede progress.
6. ailments of wives men can heal
7. become-sensitive.and read-wives.
emotional and mental make-up.
8. how2care.timeline.five symptoms.
9. de-fuze jealousy-time-bombs.
10.man-character is her Big-issue.
11.six signs of communication-error.
plus secrets to 'listening' to her.
12.why differnces.how to hear more
than just what she is saying.
13. sex-drive.new-attitude.re-newd.
14.stories of changed relations.
15.our patience changes attitudes.
our wives are first to notice.
becoming more in-tuned to christ.
and a match 'truely' made in
Heaven.
(.no end.)
(.next comment.)
(.Day two.)
thots that come-to-mind
were moved to the end
of this document.
(.next comment.)
Here are the BOLD Headers
typed in before eye shrink
down to 'do' and 'do-nots.'
::::chapter one:::::
A discovery that changed my marriage:
A case of collusion.
I was imbarrassed.
Breakthrough thots.
Radical christlikeness needed.
This could be dangerous!.
No shortcuts.
::::chapter two::::
Men who made the commitment:
Why Wives remain skeptical.
Former football quarterback.
Former Mayor.
Divorced and remarried.
Impossible to live with.
A christian talk-show host.
Get where she is.
::::chapter three::::
Four male prejudices.
we are expected to examine ourselves.
1.WOmen are impossible to understand.
The apostle peter recognized this prejudice.
2.Women are the real problem.
Who had the problem?.
3.Women are inferior to men.
Prejudice reinforced by biblical interpretation.
4.Men are supposed to be the Boss.
::::chapter four::::
Husbands that wives love to love:
A painfully Honest Letter.
Personal Transparency wins back the wife.
Desirable qualities in a man.
1.he can walk in and out of the house
without causing damage.
2.He will open his heart to her.
3.He is sensitive to her and other people.
An emotional paradox.
4.He is thotful enuff to remember the things
important to her - and is creative and
imaginative in doing them.
5.He does things with her - he is inclusive,
not exclusive.
6.He believes they really are One.
Oneness in disciplining children.
Oneness in driving habits.
Oneness in making financial decisions.
Oneness in including God.
::::chapter five::::
Dont tell me im the key to the problem.
Three insights.
Responses illustrating the flesh's defensiveness.
Lets get Real.
Not even the pastors.
::::chapter six::::
How to know if you're the key to the problem:
Woman know when their attitude is wrong.
Improving marriage not the motivation.
Its amazing to watch.
Still not catching on.
A realistic concept.
A wife with unexpected hairloss.
A wife with fainting spells.
A wife with attitudes of spiritual superiority.
A wife who displays a stubborn, strong will.
A wife who is considered domineering.
A wife who appears to lack confidence in the
spirit of god and is unsure of her salvation.
A christian wife who has lost interest in christanity.
A wife who has lost interest in her personal appearance.
A wife who is a poor communicator.
A wife who experiences excessive depression.
A wife who shows symptoms of emotional instability.
::::chapter seven::::
That mysterious, incomprehensible woman.
Problem solving from a male perspective wont do it.
His solutions increase the dilima.
Getting gods perspective.
Discerning my wifes spirit.
Woman sensitive to how they are perceived.
Problems revealing need for sensitivity.
The secret to understanding your wife.
Would you like to become sensitive?.
The litimus test of sensitivity.
Develop a partnership with your wife.
:::(.half-way point of book comes here.):::
pause to celebrate.reflect.apply.it.
::::chapter eight::::
How do i Measure up?.
Its a matter of control.
Timeline of a marriage with an uncaring husband.
Wives attempt to find their own solutions:
1.The no-problems wife.
2.The dying-inside wife.
3.The silent, spiritual wife.
4.The strong-willed wife.
5.The i-guess-im-not-so-bad-off wife.
A wife settling for less.
Taking all the blame?.
Men are accountable.
::::chapter nine::::
A lesson from secretaries-week.
Situations that breed jealousy.
When teasing wounds a wifes spirit.
Jealousy wreaks havoc in family events.
The secure wife.
::::chapter ten::::
The character issue.
Character on display.
A divource court awakening.
A wife's insight can increase
promotion chances.
Men are often blinded to double standards.
Men are often blinded to hypocricy.
Men are often blinded to shifting responsibilities.
Men are often blinded to shifting pressure.
Men are often blinded to wive's family needs.
::::chapter eleven::::
The fine art of listening:
How partnerships work.
Like buisness, like marriage.
Listening and retaining.
Recognizing our emotions.
Indicators of unsolved communication problems:
1.The same arguments resurface.
2.Faults or character-flaws are brot up repetedly.
3.They cannot agree on priorities, including those
related to work.
4.They dont agree on how to manage the children.
5.Persistent, offensive personal habits.
6.The sexual relationship is not satisfying.
Harmony comes in many forms.
A call to peacemaking.
::::chapter twelve::::
Getting our hearts together.
A vested interest.
A woman's unique ability to think ahead.
THe reason behind the request.
The reason for all those questions.
A matter of visualization.
A case of wrong expectations.
An honest admission.
A matter of seeing into the heart.
Attitudes most important.
Conveying convictions.
::::chapter thirteen::::
Im just weird.
An attitude and desire check.
Getting in focus.
A higher standard needed.
Women do not have a sex drive.
The difference is real.
The difference in preconceived notions.
Increase desire?.
::::chapter fourteen::::
Impact on other relationships.
Improced in-law relationship.
In the office.
In proffesional life.
In education.
::::chapter fifteen::::
The acid test of commitment to christlikeness.
Life is full of tests.
Testing has practicale purposes.
Prequalified in the home.
Testing for a servant attitude.
The test of keeping your wife encouraged.
An unbiblical cop-out.
Dont give-up to soon.
Our goal as husbands.
Testimonies about commitment.
Why wait?.
about author...
(.next comment.)
.spots-eye-loved-very-much.
are listed here:
my-3-point start...p5.
if you 'apply' it...p8.
head is not heart...p12.
jesu gide...p19.
five men....p27.
she helps you2god...
2b spirit-sensitive.p38.copy!
women 'want' to forgive.
open heart to her...p48.
he shared his thots...
but not his heart...p53.
(.more.)
parts-i-noticed:
Five men...p11-23
'do-not' end-up like.
Six qualties...p51-65
that make men dear.
nine ladies dancing.
eight maids-a-milking.
eleven wives are crying...p85-10
11-symptoms... please respond!
book paused at half-way point.
paused...
(.next comment.)
stay with the book
move comments to 2nar1-09.txt
book-parts eye pencil-marked
will be shortended and typed
rite here:
...what meens? the 'marks'?
book-parts typed see nr1.txt
wait...i.like keeping it
somewhere else...go find
nr1.txt
paused
it starts like this:
::::chapter one:::::
::A discovery that changed my marriage:
believed that i lovd my wife...her role...make life beneficial to me../..weary ...and redy..my wife was supposed to be there...always/...i thot i was an excellent...inspit of my selfsnes..some thot we...a model.. /i didnt ask..lord.what he thot..ask nancy..so i assumed../..was a pardy of what god..wantd...based on misconceptions passd down.../lord..mercy saw fit to shake me..
::A case of collusion:
..god set out..how i was behaving...built..wall..resulted in collusion...how it happened: /invited me to join.../nancy not excited../got earful from my very distressed wife...she refused to be swayed...
::I was embarrassed:
how can my wife emba me like this?...going to make me look bad/ my biz was more important/ didnt occur to me god ...thrw her.../made her resistant./i became more angry...broke threw my anger...hit very startling thots.
::Breakthrough thots:
(.next comment.)
stay with the book
move comments to 2nar1-09.txt
- - -
thots that come-to-mind
as meer1-09.txt is typed:
mind of a woman.
in words of a man.
see:2nar1-09.txt
thots:
the book has so-many examples
cuz the 'man' needs to relate.
men canot feel their-emotions.
so writer tries 'seens' a man
can relate to...and hate...
and then....see-himself...
err..
enuff to-spark-an-emotion.
one he can.feel.hold.share..
with his bride forever.
thots:
how do women 'know' when your
not listening to them?
how does a woman 'know' she
has your 'full' attention
during sex...even when you
have not spoken a word...?
men are not emotional so
women look for spots that
make-them emotional.eg.fear.
than they try to 'side' with
them..step into his fears
with him...women arnt strange
they are supposed to do that.
kind-of like when cops play
good-cop-bad-cop...mutt&JEff.
to get you to co-op-erate.
one sides with you. one wont.
both win....you loose.
women can reed your attitude.
body..spirit..it makes them
sensitive to children..among
other things.
thots:
no one has time to read all
this post! write it simple
like a child wood...
type it cuz
you dont-want 'marital'problems.
Holding a 'girl' is the
'Big'gest event of your life.
find what works...
and why most are a disaster.
(.next comment.)
capturing 'why' eye typed this
allows it to be continued...
long-after my own spirits
interests.goals.abilities.
change...
(.yikes.eye hated girls...
just 13-moons ago!...)
(.begin.)
Reasons why eye typed meer1-09
(.the spirit of the letter.)
paused.
-
The Book eye have bin
Pre=pairing for Maydns
Tree-House: understanding (her)
is now half-way typed-in
at streem-three...by 'Ken.Nair'
-
?
- yes i love you maydn.
-
-
www.nogreaterjoy.org
how to make gypsy-soup!
cut-paste this link:
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/health-home-herbs/article-display/archive////gypsy-soup/?tx_ttnews%5BbackPID%5D=7
-
-
chirp chirp!
burp burp!
-
good-night.
-
lORD,
tell him i miss him and hope for him more than i wish.
love is essential and not an option.
Love him and teach him trust.
my name is lanai
i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce. my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do .he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly. although i didn't believe in all those things… then when he consulted his gods and cast a return and love spell, after 3 days, my husband came back and was pleading. he had realized his mistakes. I just couldn't believe it. .anyways we are back together now and we are happy. in case anyone needs this man, his email address ogadayspellcaster@outlook.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is ogadayspellcaster@outlook.com or call him no this number +2348163974382
my name is lanai
i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce. my whole life was turning apart and i didn't know what to do .he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly. although i didn't believe in all those things… then when he consulted his gods and cast a return and love spell, after 3 days, my husband came back and was pleading. he had realized his mistakes. I just couldn't believe it. .anyways we are back together now and we are happy. in case anyone needs this man, his email address ogadayspellcaster@outlook.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is ogadayspellcaster@outlook.com or call him no this number +2348163974382
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ehr7QS3OoE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnA1ZPirDjg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGvIkc0tdpI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGvIkc0tdpI
wow... this is...
click here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kXosbJSLFk
Walt Disney, MTV & Hollywood - Mind Control ..
Published on Jan 16, 2013
CULTURE: the controlled cultivation of living material in prepared nutrient media.
MEDIA : the element which is the natural habitat of an organism; plural form of the word 'medium'.
The word 'media', like 'data', for example, is the plural form of a word borrowed directly from Latin. The singular, 'medium', developed the meaning "an intervening agency, means, or instrument" and was first applied to newspapers two centuries ago. In the 1920s, a decade much similar to ours, and like ours, preceding terrible events, the word 'media' began to appear as a singular collective noun, sometimes with the plural 'medias'.
Protect your kids! From ancient goddesses to Lady Gaga, culture creation is the method of rulers to keep the young disconnected, blind and fighting wars. 'Wash Your Brain' opens the doors to occult rituals in Hollywood, MTV and Disney Studios laying bare the propaganda techniques to help guide our youth out of the spell they're under.
- -
-
..
..
you have one week to bury...all that matters to you...
.have 2week-2month supplys buried everywhere...
Have excess food and water in your house. Prepare for collapse
Have excess food and water in your house. Prepare for collapse
sept 13 the shout to be-UNDER...
September 23, 2015: The World Pandemic begins in America. PREPARE.
results:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_XB-qUfbg8
https://socioecohistory.wordpress.com/2015/07/03/realist-news-summary-of-lindsey-williams-latest-dvd-things-you-must-do-before-september-15th-2015/
get ready for the rite thing! agenda-21 has bin bass-boosted
aliens phsy-ops like aliens-meteors is a gov destraction from the real threat
consolidation and control of a one world currency...
all roman catholics and pastors are commanded to obey = leave the dollar.
...and turn-in them who do not
...supernatural intervention-resistance is expected...
...click here
September 23, 2015: The World Pandemic begins in America. PREPARE.
results:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_XB-qUfbg8
https://socioecohistory.wordpress.com/2015/07/03/realist-news-summary-of-lindsey-williams-latest-dvd-things-you-must-do-before-september-15th-2015/
REALIST NEWS - Lindsey Williams Update July 2015 DVD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sehEi99lI24
words alone cannot describe what is about to happen
...
..
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To anyone out there who thinks love spells don't work, I’m here to tell you that Lord Zakuza love spell is the best and most powerful. I am a wealthy man who has lots of assets and possessions but I have difficulty with women. Whenever I try to settle down with any, we end up breaking up and I had no idea of why I was going through such an experience in my relationship. It was so worrying that I couldn’t be myself anymore and I started searching for help everywhere even at my place of work. I was going through my work activities online and I came across a testimony of a lady called ( Febe Anouk ) regarding how Lord Zakuza helped her to restore her relationship with his love spell, I had to give it a try and I visited Lord Zakuza and I told him everything I was going through. Lord Zakuza consoled and promised to help me out with my situation by preparing a love spell for me. I followed the instructions given by him to me and within 48 hours, my Ex lover came looking for me and pleaded for forgiveness. Since I came in contact with Lord Zakuza, things have changed for good in my life and right now, I am married with two beautiful kids and my home is blessed. All thanks to Lord Zakuza I am forever thankful to you. WhatsApp him on +1 740-573-9483. Try him and your life will be blessed.
Good day to you all.. I'm here to share my experience to everybody all around the world because I know that someone out there needs this today. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years and everything was fine with us that we don't have to fight or quarrel for anything . My girlfriend got a new job and after 2 months of her new job, I noticed some changes in her. Few weeks before my birthday, my girlfriend broke up with me for another man. I never expected such from her. I was in severe pain and needed help urgently. I searched for help online and found Lord Zakuza who is a spell caster. I told him everything I was going through and he understood me well. He told me that he will prepare a love spell for me that will get my girlfriend back within 48 hours and he explained to me how it was going to be done and I agreed. He prepared the love spell for me and my girlfriend returned back to me begging me for forgiveness within 48 hours. I was shocked and happy and I accepted her back.. We are back together and everything is going fine. I want to thank Lord Zakuza for his help by sharing this testimony online for other people to find help too in any area of their lives. Get in touch with him with the below details. For he's good at what he does.
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